Session 287: Grounding Yourself for a New Year

Published Dec 14, 2022, 8:00 AM

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

For many, the beginning of a new year can evoke feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. How do I start a new year on the right foot when I’m still so utterly exhausted from the previous year?  To assist us with centering ourselves for 2023, I’m thrilled to be joined again by Wellness Educator, Meditation Teacher, Reiki Healer, Author, and host of the Dropping Gems podcast, Devi Brown. During our conversation, we explore how to craft a schedule that allows for self-care practices, narrowing down your focus as you prepare for a new year,  and affirmations to recite to feel grounded and whole. Devi also leads us through a beautiful meditation to assist us in tapping into our power and who we are being called to be in the new year. 

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Producers: Fredia Lucas, Ellice Ellis & Cindy Okereke

     

    Yeah, is that your mind? He's Mike? Are your Mike? Okay? What is okay? Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Y Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for Session to seven of the Therapy for Black Girl's podcast. We'll get into our conversation right after our word from our sponsors. You did it, Sis, you made it through the year. You deserve a round of applause, give yourself a big hug, or even fall into tears as you fully accept the hard work that got you to this moment. The internal exhale you might feel as you witnessed this year's sunset might feel cut short as you realize a new year is on the horizon. For many, the beginning of a new year can evoke feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. How do I start a new year on the right foot when I'm still so utterly exhausted from the year. I'm in now, big Inhale. We have two more weeks until we officially reach twenty three, which means we still have time to rejuvenate and refuel to assist us with centering ourselves for the new year. I'm thrilled to be joined again by wellness educator, meditation teacher Rickey, healer, author and host of the Dropping Jim's podcast, Debbie Brown. In our conversation, we explore how to craft a schedule that allows for self care practices, narrowing down your focus as you prepare for a new year, and affirmations to recite to feel grounded and whole. Debbie also leads us through a beautiful meditation to assist us in tapping into our power and who we are being called to be in the new year. If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with us on social media using the hashtag TBG in Session, or join us over in the Sister Circle. To talk more in depth about the episode, you can join us at Community that Therapy for Black Girls dot com. Here's our conversation. I'm really glad to have you back, Debby, because it definitely feels like the pandemic has given a lot, but it also has taken a lot, and I really feel like through the pandemic I have gotten to know you better. We met probably very very early in the pandemic doing a speaking engagement together, a virtual one of the first virtual speaking engagements of so many to follow, and it feels like at least once a year since then, we've been able to do something together or interview together, and so I feel like it is an interesting way to kind of mark time. And I'm just curious to hear kind of year one, two, and three of the pandemic, like how you feel like you have changed and kind of are feeling differently each year. Oh my gosh, Wow, what an exquisite question. I love that I get to answer this because then it it brings this to life for me in my own body and in my life. Wow. I have to start by saying, today it really dawned on me that is here and how years for me time wise, have really been feeling a lot more like months you still feel, and that is strange, And I've just been kind of, you know, wondering how much of that has to do with age and just the more established you become in your life, and especially if you have children, you mark time differently. But I've just really been observing how I relate to times so much lately. It's so interesting. Dr Joy and the very first year of the pandemic, when we first met and we had trillions of virtual speaking experiences. I've really been thinking a lot about that time, because though I did really intentionally take a lot of time for myself, I was in a different position in the pandemic as someone that had been having an established meditation and spiritual practice for about ten years. I had been teaching for about six seven years, and when we went into the pandemic, I was also in a lot of deep crisis in my personal life. I had this opportunity to really show up for people and bring a lot of my work and my skills and my practices that have been so supportive into other people's lives. It really felt like that first year of the pandemic from home, it felt like I was living five lifetimes in one, and the momentum of that, and really a lot of the beauty that came into my life by showing up in service for so many people in what was the most provocative, important moment of my lifetime. It's really interesting. I've just settled into really being able to look at that and rest from that time just now in this year. And the momentum carried me through. But that was quite a lot mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. So that first year of the pandemic was a whirlwind for me. The second year of the pandemic same, and then the first year out of the pandemic was really interesting because I felt like I was catching up to about five years of growth. Within that year. I was really able to see my growth in so many ways, my growth as a single mother. I was able to see my growth and my intention as a friend, and a lot of the boundaries that I had placed in my life really coming to life and blooming and having space to reap the rewards of And I was also noticing that I was fully in another life. The world had opened, and so I was test driving this knew me out and about so much more so the first year out of the pandemic, which I guess I would count as this last year of two. It's been really fun and it's been beautiful, and it's been also tiring. I think I've been getting used to Okay, who am I now back in the world, now that my work travel has picked back up, now that socialization has picked back up. So I've just been in flow and in practice with this even more evolved version of myself and this last year, and I'm really looking forward to the ways I get to to immerse myself and really live in this truth in mmmmmmm. Thank you for sharing that, Devy, and I definitely echo your sentiments of feeling like this year has failed in a different way, kind of exhausting, and I think a lot of our community is also feeling that way right like as we approache, just feeling very tired and kind of like burned out in a lot of ways. I wonder if you can share like the importance of really being gentle with yourself if you find yourself in that space as we enter a new year. It's imperative. We can't change with judgment. We just can't. And I know there's a lot of different social experiments and studies that have been done related to that. But it's just not possible to really become yourself, to love yourself, to be more of yourself if you do not accept yourself, and if you're constantly meeting yourself with criticisms or judgments, especially when you're in that really fragile, flexible time of stretching and trying on new ways of being, it's really important to give yourself grace and space to do that. We cannot master new things if we don't treat ourselves with patients and care and spiritually, the term I'd use for that is really a gentleness. It's a tenderness with self. It's also taking a moment to inquire why a gentleness of self may feel so foreign to begin with, and spending time with noticing what are my barriers to my own kindness? Why do I happen to always get so exasperated with myself? Why do I tend to always use that tone with myself or concede to failure so quickly? And that can sometimes feel challenging, and it can bring you to a new layer of yourself, and it can bring you to things that maybe have not been a priority in discovering, but are really important for that next step. And so the gentleness is truly key for any change, and it's what makes it sustainable. It's what makes that, you know, the initial kind of awareness that you may have about something in your life, it's what actually makes it potent and permanent and transformational. M So that you have raised a lot of interesting points there, especially around asking yourself like why is it difficult for me to be gentle with myself? Right? And I think sometimes that can be a very painful answer because I think a lot of times when we learned is that came from upbringing, It came from other people in our lives who were supposed to be gentle with us who were not. So I think it often presents a very uncomfortable place for people to be deeply, deeply uncomfortable. It's kind of a multitude of things and for some of us, depending on our background, it could feel really complex. You know, it could bring to life a lot of challenge, a lot of experiences with caretakers, with people in your life as a young person who didn't give you the freedom to be yourself or didn't see you as your own being, and It can also be so much of the societal stuff, right, Like every generation has its own curriculum that society is kind of forcing on it, this way of being the stereotype of how you're supposed to live. And that's a lot of it too, you know. I think we, at least in this millennial generation that I can speak to because I live this experience, I think we were met with so many contradictory expectations as women especially, It's like, you need to hustle, you need a grind, you need to go harder, you need to be a martyr. You also got to show up perfectly in your friendships and over give and have overresponsibility, and you got to be this to your man, and you got to know how to like throw shade and read people. And it was just so many things that really didn't speak to gentleness arrest in any way. So there's always something to be unlearned. And I think when we take that approach of that self inquiry of asking why do I treat myself this way, it's important to yes, do that deeper dive that can feel immensely, immensely triggering and can be painful, and do the societal of you two say, what did I pick up from friendships? What did I pick up from work, atmosp fears? What did I pick up from television? That's really the only multifaceted approach I found is the way you really are able to break some of those patterns and make it lasting. M mmmmmmm. So you've already mentioned how you feel like you have changed just in the past three years, and I would imagine that like your self care and yourself care rituals have changed with it. Can you talk about how they have changed for you and why it's important for us to kind of have different rituals and different kinds of things that we do at different parts of our lives. Oh, yes, it's changed so much. It's something that I was really reflecting on recently in my life and just seeing the beauty in how much we do have to commit to the process and to the gentleness and to understanding that when we speak to self care practice, the most important word that is being spoken is the word practice and actually letting ourselves give that word a definition. I am in practic disk of this, and so every day it's so important and every day does not have to look identical. You are not winning some kind of award by something observing you. That's keeping count, and so there isn't this need for perfection every day. It's just like if you were on the court with the ball, as my dear friend resum Aminicum says, getting your reps up. You just keep shooting the ball and you make some baskets and the ones you don't make, you just keep dribbling, you keep trying. There's not that same sense of pressure if you're doing it for fun, right, or if there's no expectation of you making it to the league. And I think we have to look at our practice in that same way. And when I think back to when I began my journey meditating, you know, sometimes I could barely and this is ten years ago. Sometimes I could barely get through five minutes, like when I tell you it was like pulling teeth my journey beginning to meditate the very first time, I knew it would change my life. But it didn't mean I liked it, and it didn't mean I was quote unquote good at it. It took years, and after a couple of years, I bumped my practice up and I was locking into doing thirty minutes two times a day, and now I find that it's most beneficial for me in my life if I can find a way to meditate for two hours a day, and that's usually about forty five minutes to an hour in the morning forty five minutes to an hour in the evening. Doesn't always happen. I have a four year old in life with life, but for me, because I know that's a priority, it also doesn't feel like a hardship. I don't watch television, I don't really watch a lot of movies. I'm not someone that is super plugged into talking to people in my life all day throughout the day. So I have ways to find that time for myself. But it's incredibly important, and I think now the way that I've really been growing in my practice, something that has become more important than it's been is spending more time with my body. So I really have a dedicated stre Uch practice right now, which has taught me a lot about myself, and it's taught me a lot about barriers. I had to being present with myself. Barriers I had to noticing my body and acknowledging when I had aches and pains. And this might resonate with some I lived with chronic pain for many years, and so doing physical things, I would find myself avoiding them. And even though I was on a meditation path, I was not doing yoga for many years because it was very triggering me. Every time I tried to get into and Austina, every time I'd get into a yoga posture, I would be noticing everything that hurt and everything I couldn't do, and so I would kind of reject it. So the last couple of years, I've been enhancing my practice by working on my yoga postures, stretching. I love doing a bianga, which is irradic self massage where you get oil and you spend a lot of dedicated time just nurturing your body, rubbing the oil in your skin, noticing knots, intentions, and giving yourself release. So that's a part of my practice I have fallen deeply in love with. It's allowed me to feel really my best. My body feels powerful, I feel like I have more control over being able to bring myself pleasure, relief, just a sense of being unburdened. M M. More from my conversation with Debbi after the break, Yeah, I'm very impressed by you saying that you basically have days it feels like uninterrupted, right like that you're not talking to people kind of throughout the day. Can you share, like how you've been able to craft a schedule like that? Yes, well, one by nature of my work, it's something that I have is my away email is I'll responded as I can, but my work is rooted in present moment awareness, so I don't have urgency about getting back to you. My away message to my email says that something that was really beautiful in the pandemic, And I think a lot of us noticed this is by having that disconnection that we craved connection, we were able to really reset in a lot of ways. Or that was the case for me. I was able to reset and say, what are the essential friendships in my life? What are the essential relationships? And what are things that I've been feeding that have never shown return on investment? Right Like? And that even looks like sometimes if someone text me that I knew, and I would feel a little bit of charge about it and not know why, because our interactions were always delightful. I just started scrolling up in our text history and saying, what is the truth of the way we've been operating, and what I noticed was some people was very often it was someone pinning me to receive advice or want guidance in some way, or invite me out to talk about things working in their lives and in their curriculums. But it wasn't the same level of enthusiasm of recognizing things I was doing in the world speaking to that. There wasn't really a lot of inquiry about me and my experiences. And so sometimes for some of us, when you are that role model in your life, or if you have wisdom to give, you can get really burned out. So I started looking at little things like that. I started looking at something I spoke to earlier was this generational thing we had as millennials, this societal pressuring guidance that was also put around networking, like this belief that we always had to be out sharing our card, interacting with people, getting names, like getting yourself known. But very rarely do any of those have depth, and very rarely did any of that turn into anything collaborative. And so I also got real about the fact that what I do for work, I don't need to network. That's not actually a part of what makes my work move and so I just got very clear on things that were essential for my purpose, things that were essential for my internal life, for my family, and things that weren't. And then I got very intentional and I cut out everything that wasn't. And something that a lot of my friends also know about me is I am that friend that is going to show up, and I am that friend that is going to be with you through literally anything. I'm also the friend that loves to turn up and have fun, and I'm the friend that really likes to be alone. And I was just very upfront with that with the people in my life. I don't operate like everyone else. I don't enjoy gossip. I don't want to be just talking about things for the sake of it. I really like to be in silence a lot. And so I just designed my life around who I am. And that is not the case for everyone, nor should it be, but that is uniquely the way my life operates, and so I had to make the adjustments to support that. M mmmmmmmmm. So I also know that affirmations are a big deal for you, So can you share one affirmation that you feel like has really helped keep you grounded in hold during this year. Oh so every year at the top of the year, usually on the first or second of the new year, I try to, with the exception of being with my son, I try to be in silence for almost the entire day. And I used that day to really connect with myself and God and say, what is this next year going to mean in my life? What do I need to do to meet that occasion? And so it's a deeply meditative day for me, a day that I love to journal a lot, and a day that I love to create meaningful affirmations that I base off of what came up for me in meditation. And so when we kind of re emerged back in the world last year, we were also emerging with everyone and everything that we've walked through and gone through, and people came back to life very differently, and at least where I live in Los Angeles, I started noticing so much tension everywhere. There is a lot of charged energy in the atmosphere right now, and people are walking through a lot. People are triggered when they least expect it. So I just started noticing a lot more accidents on the road, a lot more just anger present in day to day scenarios, and so I created this affirmation with my intention of how I wanted to show up for people and how I wanted people to show up for me. So the affirmation that I've been using this last year is I attract, receive and experience the highest version of every being whom I encounter. I attract receive an experience the highest version of every being whom I encounter, saying that every day I really noticed a significant change. I really noticed that I was not attracting a lot of that charge when I'd be out in the world, and I was also holding space for the fact that we are all walking through significant things in our lives right now. Even if we've all put back on our garments from two thousand nineteen, even if we've all been kind of trying to pretend we're in a quote unquote new normal or getting back to normal, We're not and it never will be, and we are different. And so how do we shape our lives around that, and how do we also give grace to people who, maybe because of so many different things, may not have been able to experience the pandemic in the same way that we dead. So Den, I feel like you have just unlocked a whole new episode conversation because I agree with you, like I also feel that charge, and I think, you know, I think because of what we do right, like, I think we're tapped into it in a very particular way. But I feel like a lot of people feel it. And I think a lot of it is as you're saying, like we're putting on the same clothes and whatever from but the world is very different, and I don't think we have processed the grief and the loss and the disappointment and the anger and the hurt and the everything that has happened. And I'm honestly confused about how we move forward. I feel like it it feels so big that it feels hard to even help people understand what they need to do to kind of like trying to course correct in some ways. And I know this is a big question, but what are your thoughts in terms of, you know, like how we even help people get started at chipping away at some of this energy we It is so so hard, and I think, not to speak for you, I know some of us that are really observers of inservants to humanity, it feels like, you know, in a lot of ways, the gap got even bigger, like a lot bigger, and it felt like there are demographics of people who surged forward in really powerful ways and demographics of people who stayed the same. But the thing is, if you stay the same while everyone moves forward, you are behind. I don't think that there is anything that can change that, because, to be quite honest, my thought is if for whatever reasons, you were not able to move through some of your spiritual curriculum, move forward, lay some things to rest during the pandemic, which was like kind of that one moment in time that everything stood still and you could really dive in, I don't know how possible it would be. In another circumstance and a practice that I've been in to kind of work with this energy, I've had to really expand my compassion practice. I don't want to sound overly ethereal, but I say this to say there are things in life that do not have hacks. There are things in life that do not have tricks, that do not have a line of advice or wisdom, and I think we're in a very complicated time. I'm excited about this time that we're in, but I think that we're going to start to see pain rise to the surface in a way that we never have. I think that we are going to begin to unpack conversations about really complicated and complex abuses that people have experienced that we never have as a society. And it's dark and it's heavy, and there is no way around it. And so for me, I think the best case scenario is to not try to bypass any of it. To witness all of it. Even if you can't be a part of the solution, hold space for it with neutrality, with non judgment, be willing to look at it. If you can't offer anything else, just keep your eyes open. And I think I'm just trying to always cultivate as much grace and compassion as possible, and to also use my discernment and my intuition at the highest levels that I can. Intuition discernment. It's not just for who you're going to date. It's not just, you know, for friendships. It's not just for for the little thing that you're looking on Instagram about trying to figure out crack the code. You know, it's to be used in your day to day interaction. So if something tells you not to launch into that conversation, not to honk at that person when they cut you off. Listen to it. That's what I'm really trying to be present with right now. Mm. So this conversation comes up a lot around intuition, around like, how do you know the difference between intuition and anxiety? Do you have some ideas about how we confirm of that intuition muscle and not necessarily given to anxiety? Mm hmm. Intuition is not dread. When I think of what the feeling of anxiety at least has felt like for me in my life, there is this sense of being out of control. There is this sense of doom and gloom coming, there is this sense of charge. Intuition, to me, feels like peace, even if it's a no, even if it's something that I don't want to hear. It doesn't feel like a fight. It feels like a deep knowing, and it feels like a guidance, like a gift. So I think sometimes intuition begins us to feel more like anxiety. If you are trying to force a different outcome than what your body, mind, and heart are telling you, that can lead to what is felt as anxiety in the body I believe something I was thinking about recently. I use the term God. I also use the term universe, and I'm speaking to my specific relationship with the Creator, which is nondenominational but includes a lot of wisdom, traditions and a lot of devotion and faith interest. And so I ask God for guidance about everything every day, and then I wait and I listen, and sometimes the answer is no. And I don't always like it, but I listen, and I think that's what intuition feels like for me. It's whether it is what you think you want in desire or not coming back to you as intuition. It's the choice, or it's the thought, or it's the knowing that is for your protection. Thank you for that. I appreciate that. So you mentioned earlier you know that a part of the way that you try to start the new year is in silent When you shared a blog post recently that I would love for us to kind of just talk about as you kind of talk about how we can prepare for so you said, there's no better way to map out a new year of abundance, fulfillment and joy than creating with intention. The end of the year is often shrouded in frantic energy. There seems to be so much external exertion and an imbalance of inner reflection and the ever shifting cycle of expansion. I have practiced creating my New Year intentions in November and December so that my daily routine vibration and vision is already in motion come January first. So how might we also following these footsteps of being more intentional about like creating what we want to look like? Oh? I love that. I would say, first of all, go deeper, Go deeper, Go deeper, Go deeper, Go deeper. And I'm certain that anyone listening to this show is into that. You know, this is not a surface show that's just like, yeah, girl, you want that new car, put it on your vision board. Go deeper. When we think about the things that we want for ourselves. If the first thing coming up is something materialistic, cool, you deserve that too, And think about the things that support whatever that material thing is. Think about some of those deeper connections that you can maybe reverse engineer to see what the deeper need to be met is, and consider really setting that as the goal. Maybe it's I want to be more expressive, I want to be more emotionally open. Go for the gold, go for the big things that are going to have a massive return on the investment if you work on them, the things that kind of allow other things to come in more seamlessly. But my favorite time of year to kind of start to do this prep it's really November December. A lot of times people will wait till the first day of the new year, New Year's Eve to kind of say, Okay, what do I want? Who do I want to be? If you get started two, three, four, or five, six to eight weeks in advance, your brain and body are kind of already moving towards those intentions that you set, and when the top of year begins, you feel really clear on who it is you'd like to be more of, or on the things you'd like to see happen in your life. I say, make lists, journal and is such a beautiful tool for this. A recapitulation exercise is so powerful to do. I usually take the month of December to do that, where every few days I will go over a month from the past year. Recapitulation means you are going over the things that have happened or that you've experienced your acknowledging them one by one, and then you're releasing them. It's a beautiful practice to do every single day. At the end of the day. It really helps you sleep, that helps you in burdened distress. When you do it at the end of the year, it brings you into a completion with a lot of the things that you've experienced. You're able to see the power of the life you've lived. You're able to see your growth. You're also able to see the things that maybe the quote unquote ball dropped on you know, without judgment. You're able to see where can I just say I'm done with that? You can complete circles? Are there projects I started that didn't finish and I don't have any plans to finish. Let me acknowledge that and just call it out and say it so that I'm done. Are there things that I experience that now make me really ready to experience X, Y, and Z in this next year. It just makes you more equipped to make wiser decisions, to make more impactful decisions in your life, and to really be someone that brings more creativity into who you are. And by creativity I mean feeds your purpose, feeds your work, but also feeds cre creation. What can you create in yourself? What can you create in your life? So getting those thoughts kind of started earlier, and starting some note taking earlier before the new year starts can be really really powerful. So I like the idea of this recapigeilation exercise. I've not heard of this way before, but I'm wondering, and I'm guessing many other people will be too. How are you doing this? So it sounds like you're a pretty active journalist, so you're probably going back to your journals to kind of make sense. But if somebody wants to do this and they have not been keeping check, I'm trying to think, like, okay, am I gonna go back to my Google calendar and trying to make what's going on? How would you do that? That is perfect? That's exactly what I do. This is the thing that I've noticed. If we're working on a project, or we're working on something that other people are gonna see, we are so diligent, right Like we may have our highlighter, we have our notebook. We can pull up all the forms we can get in the fibers of it, take notes, make our to do list. Somehow when it comes to our personal growth, our spirituality, our own nourishment. We like to just fly by the seat of our pants say well, if it's mine, it'll be mine, or all right, I'm gonna say that prayer and I do, you know, And it's just like, no, feed your internal life with the same level of excellence that you feed your professional life. And so at the end of the year in December, when I start this practice for myself. Now, I am an avid journal er, and by avid journal er, I mean like i'd be journaling, and I it's very categorized. So I journal by the month and I date everything. I don't journal every day, but I journalist thoughts come to me and it's monthly. It's by the month. And so when I want to relook at January, I opened my journal to the tab that says January, and I look through what I was thinking in that month, what I was doing, What were the breakthroughs that I was having, What releases were I having, What were things that were just naturally quotes people places on my mind. And then I do pull up my Google calendar and I say, what were the things that she did this month? Oh? Wow, you did that, you went there, Oh god, you were so sick that month, or oh the baby was so sick that month, and I just take stock of the fullness of my experiences. On one end, the recapitulation feeds you in so many ways that I've already expressed, and it helps you to acknowledge yourself. It helps you to really look at yourself and how you use your time, how you're using your life. So in that practice, I would definitely recommend take your time. Say all right, I want to think about January of last year today, look at your calendar, glance at it. What was I doing? Oh wow, oh wow, I forgot about that. Oh my god, I talked to that person or who I stopped talking to that person? That was the day that I had the difficult conversation. How has that worked out for me over this last year? How has that decision it out for me? It allows you to become a lot more powerful in the way that you're able to show up for yourself and your own desires. M m mmmm. So I know something else that a lot of people do in preparation for the New Years, trying to think of a word or phrase or an affirmation like you mentioned you trying to do. What suggestions do you have for people to kind of narrow down on, like what they might want the focus of to be M. I definitely recommend having a meditation for yourself, really taking a moment, five minutes, ten minutes, forty five, taking a deep breath, and saying that question to yourself, allowed and internally, what am I meant to know this year? What am I meant to do this year? Close your eyes, take a breath, don't let your mind try to fill that space with an answer, but see what naturally begins to come up and emerge. If you close your eyes and say, how can I make my experience better? How can I make my life better this year? It comes immediately. Whether you want to acknowledge that particular thing because it might have charge to it or not, it comes and we can say, oh, I don't know, and I don't really know what I want to do it you know, And you are spending your time performing and saying and hemming and hying to otherwise, which is cool if that's what you wish, But if you want more, you have to practice being honest with yourself and you have to practice listening to yourself. M M Yeah, you talked a lot about like trying to get in touch with the personal meditation. I forget with the name of it that you called it last time, but you shared that also about spending time to try to get in touch with whatever your personal meditation is going to be for the year. Yeah, and you know what it. You know, Like in psychology, like a process you might do someone is like a guestalt right where you check in and have them switch roles with someone that holds charge in their lives. And we can do that process with ourselves. We can do that process with our own souls and our spirits. We can ask ourselves a question as long as we're detached from ego with trying to just say, oh, I knew the answer, right, But we can ask ourselves a question and be silent and really let those deeper layers of our thoughts and our feelings emerge to give us the answers that we're looking for. M H. So when you were with us last time, you also talked about crystals and taught us all about like some of the healing properties. So I'm wondering what crystals have you found yourself reaching for recently and are there are some crystals we should be thinking about as we kind of try to ground ourselves for a new year. Oh, thank you for this question. Yes, I think a crystal that I'm really that I'm really connected to right now, and it's an o G it should be a staple for everyone that's into crystals is selenite. And selenite looks kind of like a milky white and it has a texture that is it's a little bit porous, and it can kind of be a little bit brittle. But selenite is a really beautiful stone for purifying energy and for kind of neutralizing spaces, bringing light into things, drawing out negative energy. And that's just been one I think I've been using in the last few months more than ever, and I think it kind of just speaks to that charge that we're experiencing in the world. So sometimes I notice when I get home, I'm not just trying to like come down from my day. I'm trying to come down from all the energy I picked up from everyone else in the day. I love just holding onto that stone for about a minute and just like not even anything too precious or complicated, but just holding it and squeezing it in my hand. For a couple of minutes and then letting it go. Another stone that I really love right now is fluorite. Fluorite is really amazing. It's believed to be a really beneficial stone for your brain and for clarity in the deeper sense of like just really sharp thinking and kind of the ability to keep your brain feeling a little more vibrant, a little more focused. So I've been loving that, and I love Chrystocola. Chrystocola is a really beautiful stone that is a heart opener. It's gorgeous to look at that It's supposed to be very very good for your emotional health and balancing. I love those. It sounds like very beautiful crystals to experience, especially as we find ourselves in this time of the year right and preparing for a new year. Oh yes, yeah, yeah. So you had a beautiful conversation on one of your most recent episodes of Dropping Gems, which is your podcast, about who are you being called to become? And so I wonder if you could speak a little bit about the difficult but meaningful process of being who we are called to be? M M. I don't think that there is anything more important that we can be doing with our lives than really understanding who we are and why we're here and how we're meant to serve. And so that question. I remember I was on a Zoom friend group when the pandemic first hit, and we would get together on Zoom every Sunday and just be each other's companions while we were doing other things for the afternoon. And we were talking on our very first one, and I remember I just kind of blurted out of my mouth, like just think about it, like this, who are you being called to become? Right now? This one? We thought the lockdown was going to be three weeks, and so I was just like, you know, what can we do with this three weeks? Who were you being called to become? What can we create? And it actually became like the ethos of two years for me. Who am I being called to become? And so that kind of inquiry it takes you out of the roles that you play. It takes you out of the striving, It takes you out of the I want to get this promotion or I want to be perceived in this way, and it's no, who are you being called to become? Which means you're not all of that yet, so there's something to be remembered, there are some areas to get clear. And it also means that it's not your ego, it's divine will coming in and guiding you. And so when I use that term who are you being called to become? It open space for more than you can conceive of in this moment with your limited view of your life. And so I think it's an important question that we all ask and what other questions might we be in conversation with around who we are being called to become? You know? I think questions that help us foundationally get really clear is on noticing anythings that we have up against more, having someone career around do I like myself? Before you even ask? Do I love myself? Do I like myself? What do I like about my self? What do I kind of reject about myself? And why? And then being able to move some of that out of the way, because when we hold all of that, we can't become more. We are in too deep a judgment of ourselves. We have locked in too tightly to this narrative that we and others have created about us, this projection that it doesn't create the space that's actually necessary for you to not just move forward, but to ascend higher. And so I think we have to have an ongoing inquiry practice with ourselves in order to actually utilize who am I being called to become more? And I think it also speaks to you know, purposes that it's a really hot topic the last couple of years. It's something that we're saying a lot, but I think it's really very often misused in Vedic tradition and Sanskrit. You want to use the word purpose, you'd say dharma dharma loosely translated in English and purpose, but dharma and Sanskrit, it's really a totality of your life experiences and what they're meant to be. It means it's a mixture of understanding your karma. What are the patterns, what are the trends that I've been repeating, What are the pains that have been the guiding posts of my life? What are the joys that have been the guiding post of my life? What is the work that feels really meaningful for me? What are the ways that I meant to show up for others? So when we think of purpose and more of the ancient way, it speaks to everything about us that needs to be in alignment. When we just use the word purpose in English and in Western tradition, it is very often just seen as how do I quantify myself? How do I stand taller? How do I have the job that I want to have, how do I, you know, have the title that I want to have? And how do I make sure that people perceive me? In X, Y and Z. It's more so looking to quantify yourself through ego or through society. And so I think I'm trying to say I might have gone all around the park on this, but when I think of that phrase, who are you being called to become? It speaks to everything about you. Yeah, it can speak to how you want to make money, but it also speaks to who do you want to become? Emotionally? Who do you want to become? Mentally, spiritually, physically, all the facets of this human experience. M mmmmm. I love that, Debby, It's okay for you to go around the plank, and we landed in a beautiful place. I was like, oh lord, I just am I living with this More from my conversation with Debbie after the break, You've talked quite a bit about meditation as a through kind of of all of the things that you've kind of shared today, and so as we wrap up today, I would love it and be very honored for you to grace us with another meditation that kind of pools together some of the things that you've shared and really helps us to ground ourselves as we close this year and prepared to welcome m M, My pleasure, My pleasure. Okay, first, I'd like to ask everyone listening as long as you're not driving. If you're driving, you pause this now and you finished later. But everyone's listening, that is safe to do. So I want you to allow yourself to position your body into a comfortable position, whatever that means for you. For me in this moment, I am sitting in a chair, so I'm going to uncross my legs and my arm. I'm gonna allow my spine and back to be upright and strong, my belly to become soft, my feet to be flat on the ground. If you're on the floor, perhaps you are sitting in cross legged position, or your legs are in front of you, or if you're able, you can even lay down for this and support your neck a little, get nice and comfortable, but keep your body in a position that is both strong and relaxed. Allow your hands to fall on the tops of your thighs or to your sides with your palms facing up in a state of receiving LA. Lay yeah, And if you haven't done so yet, I want to invite you to ghently close your eyes and now allow yourself to connect to the natural rhythm of your breath. And if this is possible for your body, connect to a nostril breath in and out through your nose. Take just a moment to regulate your breathing here, and as you're noticing that sensation the rise and fall of your chest, let's all take in some breaths together in a sequence of three, beginning your inhale through your nose one two three four hold the breath one two three mm four Release the breath through your nose two three four and hold the breath at the bottom two three four. Begin your inhale here again through your nose two three four, hold it at the top two three four. Exhale through your nose slowly two three four hold at the bottom two three four. Beginning your inhale through your nose, counting silently for yourself inside. Hold the breath, release through your nose. Hold at the bottom, and now begin a gentle inhale. Exhale through your nose at your own pace, and now begin to notice your body, your breath naturally coming in and out. Allow your body to relax, eve and further into this present moment. Loosen your jaw, relax your mouth, move your neck slowly from side to side. Release your shoulders and let them drop. Release your stomach, Relax your thighs, Relax your knees, relax your toes, bringing your attention back to the rise and the fall of your chest. And now bring your awareness into the center of your heart, the beautiful heart beating in your asked imagine yourself in the center of your own heart. Some may notice a vibrant green color beginning to emerge from the heart chakra an a hata, and just be in that feeling for a moment without any judgment, noticing any sensations that are present in your heart, noticing anything that may want to be released. Before you begin this new year, what's happened in? What happened in? What happened in? What can you lay to down and release from your life and experiences before this new year begins. Where would you like to soften inside of that heart, inside of this body? Set that intention and send love to it here, And as you sit inside your beautiful heart and notice it beginning to stretch itself open even more, noticing the relaxed feeling you feel inside of your body, Noticing that beautiful, supportive, vibrant, vital breath that fills those lungs and circulates life through all of your being. I want to invite you to imagine who you'd like to become and how you'd like to feel in outside of any societal goals, outside of day to day experiences, the zoomed out view of your life and yourself in a life of endless possibilities, in a life of endless opportunities for choice making. Noticing yourself here, focus on the feeling that you'd like to feel inside of your body mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and notice how you'd like to feel in the world and in your life mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What is the deeper truth of who you are and how you're meant to share that that you have not had access to you yet, that others have not been able to experience from you yet what is craving to be birthed in your life? And as you hold this knowing, focus on the feeling inside of you and let the universe send you the exact thing that will make you feel this way, connecting to your breath. Hold here for the next two minutes with this deep wisdom that is emerging inside of you, and now coming back into the present moment, releasing all thoughts that have come up, holding in your heart space for the highest good it to emerge in your life. Allow yourself to wiggle in your seat, bringing yourself back to life a little. Perhaps you want to sway back and forth, gently wiggle your toes and your fingertips, connect to a breath pattern that feels natural and nourishing, And if it feels comfortable, allow yourself to bring your right hand to heart center, letting the palm of your hand the bottom half connect right in the center of your chest, and in this moment, allow yourself to birth for yourself what your intention for three is. Don't judge it, don't force it, allow it to emerge naturally, saying internally or allowed my intention fore is and sending love and light to that intention. If it feels comfortable, you can bring your both hands to heart center and prayer, position your poems, touching, taking a gentle bow for yourself and all that are listening at the exact moment that you are now the light in me recognizes and honors the light in you, and I must stay so beautiful. Thank you so much, David. It feels like such a beautiful practice to enter us into a new year. Mm hmm. Thank you. And whatever intention came up for each person in this meditation, please write it down anything that came up. Just grab a pen, grab a journal as you finished this episode, and jot down any and everything that came into your mind, even if it doesn't make sense. So where can we stay connected with you? Debbie Wood is your website as well as any social media handles you'd like to share. Yes, hit me up on the Graham at Debbie Brown. All my socials are the same Debbie Brown and my website. I actually just relaunched it so I have some goodies on their uh Debbie brown dot com. I've added some blogs. I have some You can also check out my podcast there and everywhere. My podcast is called Dropping gyms. It is a wellness based podcast where I talked to people of all walks of life. We talked about everything that is a part of the wellness experience, from higher consciousness to psychedelics, too sex, to healing to intergenerational trauma. So you can check out my show. I Heart Black Effect at Work dropping gems perfect and we'll be short and include all of that in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining us again today, Debbie, I really appreciate it. Thank you, Dr Joy. Always a pleasure to be with you. Thank you for your work in the world. Thank you. Likewise, I'm so glad Debbie was able to join us again this week. To learn more about her and her work, Visit the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash session to eighty seven, and don't forget to text two of your girls right now and tell them to check out the episode as well. A gentle reminder that we're taking the next few weeks off to enjoy the holidays and spend time with family and friends, but we'll be back with our first episode of our January jump Start series on January four. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into this topic or just be in community with other sisters, come on over and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the Internet design just for black women. You can join us at community dot Therapy for Black Girls dot com. Thank you all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all in the new year. Take good care. My name's Jackson and with my brother joining. Happy Kwanza, Happy new Year, Happy Hanukah, Happy Christmas. Why don't you want to say Merry Christmas, Happy Christmas and a merry Christmas. I thought you were going to say a speech. All right, you can be the best you want to be. You can grow up and be a firefire, a police officer, a doctor and nurse, a psychologist, anything. They say you can't do this. Don't say you can't do this, because then you'll end up not doing it. But say you can do this and you'll be the best. Happy Christmas, everybody. I hope you have a merry merry Christmas. Anica and Kwanza. That's all I gotta say right now, that's all you want to say? Up. Oh, happy Christmas this year. Merry Happy Christmas to you, very happy Christmas to you, Happy Allidays people. Love you guys. Peace,

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