Session 137: Protect Your Dream

Published Jan 8, 2020, 8:00 AM

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

Inspired by a recent episode of the Masters of Scale podcast, I'm sharing my thoughts about why we can't always count on those closest to us to meet us in the space of our dreams and how we can get support otherwise. 

 

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session one seven of the Arapy for Black Girls podcast, and happy New Year. I hope that your is also an amazing start, and I'm really happy to hear that so many of you love the twenty questions we shared in the last episode. Will definitely be checking in on you throughout the year to see what kind of progress you're making with your answers. I know that many of you are probably working on some pretty big goals and dreams this year, things you've maybe been wanting to do for a while. And I heard a podcast recently that sparked my thoughts and the information that I wanted to share with you today. So I was listening to the most recent episode of the Masses of Scale podcast. It's definitely when you want to check out if you're an entrepreneur and you want to hear how others have been able to build and scale their businesses, and it featured a conversation with Sarah Blakeley of Spinks. She shared something that I thought could be an important message for many of you. She said that when she first had her idea for Spinx, she didn't talk to anyone about it other than investors, man factors, and other people who could actually make the product happen for the first year because she didn't want to have to deal with the opinions and feedback of others. She shared that your idea is at its most vulnerable during that first year, which means that you have to protect it fiercely. Now, it's absolutely common and expected that when you have a great idea that you're really excited about, you want to share it with the people closest to you, like your partner, your mother, or your best friend. But what sometimes happens when we have what we think is a brilliant idea and we talked to Aunt Kathy about it. Aunt Kathy is like, um, okay, but how are you going to make money? And we start to question whether the idea is actually a good one. We doubt our abilities, and we get all in our heads. And that happens for a couple of reasons. And that's what I want to chat with you about today, Why sometimes others can't meet us in the space of our dreams, and what you can do to get support instead. Now, of course, the conversation with Sarah was all about entrepreneurship and having a big idea in terms of business, but I think this could apply to virtually any kind of dream we have for ourselves. So Number one, it's sometimes difficult for others to jump all in with us on our dreams because it reminds them of a time when they couldn't go all in on their dreams. And it's important to note that this is mostly a subconscious kind of thing. Most people don't set out with the intention of being dream killers, but in that moment, the pain of what they've not yet been able to actualize becomes too difficult for them to tolerate, and the only way for them to minimize it is to talk you into thinking that your idea isn't good either. Number two, the second reason is sometimes difficult for others to go all in on our dreams is that there may not be a lot for them to be excited about in their own life at the current moment, and so it's difficult for them to extend excitement to us. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're hating or rooting for our failure, but I can't lend you a cup of sugar if I'm all out of sugar. So sometimes the capacity is not there due to their own circumstances. It has nothing to do with the validity or possibility of your dream. And number three, sometimes it's difficult for others to meet us in the space of our dreams because they simply don't have the context to join us there. If you came to me with an amazing idea about a new type of product that will revolutionize the way we learn math, there's only going to be so far I can get in the conversation with you. Because my knowledge in this area is limited, I'm likely to have more questions and confusion for you than support and encouragement. And when you first have a great idea, support and encouragement or what you need lots of now. Of course, at some point need to also need to figure out the rough edges. But those kinds of questions and challenges should come from someone who actually has the range and the depth of knowledge about your idea to actually make a difference, not someone who can't even meet you halfway. So what do you do with all this excitement and energy you have around your new dream? If you can't talk to the people closest to you, what can you do? Here are a couple of things that might help. Number One, spend as much time as you can doing the research about how to make your dream a reality. If pursuing an advanced degree is your dream, then start researching the areas you'd like to study. What schools offer these programs, What are the admissions requirements? Do you have everything you need to apply or is there something you're missing? Maybe you need a couple of pre red classes, or you need to take the g r E. There's plenty of leg work that needs to be done once this dream comes to you, so channel all of your excitement into doing that. Number two, find a coach or a mentor or someone who can help you to ask the questions you don't even know to ask it When you're starting out on a new adventure, there are some questions you know you need answers to and others you haven't even begun to think about. This is where you would want to find someone who has experienced either doing the thing you're interested in doing or something similar. And I want you to be diligent in making sure that you're choosing the right person to get coached or mentored by. If we stick with our previous example of getting into an advanced degree program, if you're interested in becoming a psychologist, yes, someone who has been to law school might be able to tell you some things about what it's like to apply for an advanced degree and the interview process, etcetera. But those two areas are also vastly different, and so they will be limited in the amount of great information they can actually share with you. But if a lawyer is the only person you know with an advanced degree, maybe you can ask them if they know any psychologists they could connect you with, use your existing networks, and then have your networks use their networks. If there aren't any people you know in real life, to ask ask in your online communities. The Thrived Tribe, of course, is our Facebook group for our community, and they are all types assists there with of a wide variety of experiences, so it could be a great place to connect with someone who might have the level of experience that you're looking for. And number three, do the actual work of your dream. It's great to be excited and doing the research and finding a mentor, and all of those things will likely be integral to your success, but none of that will matter if you don't actually do the work. You can find tune your list of schools, and a current PhD student can give you all of the five star tips they have, but if you don't actually complete the applications, send them in and show up for the interviews, none of that will matter. So don't get so caught up in the excitement of your dream that you forget to actually do the work to make your dream come true. Now, you let me know what kinds of things have helped you to protect your dreams and what kinds of resources did you rely on to make your dreams come true. Share with us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session, and please be sure to share this episode with two of your girls so that they can weigh in as well. Remember that if you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into this topic and meet some other sisters in your area, come on over and join us in the Yellow Couch Collective where we take a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. Thank you all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care.

Therapy for Black Girls

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
Social links
Follow podcast
Recent clips
Browse 473 clip(s)