Session 175: Homeschooling Considerations

Published Sep 30, 2020, 7:00 AM
Schooling likely looks very different for many families these days and there are many options to consider. We've heard from many members of our community that they've considered homeschooling but have been uncertain about where to start. So today we are joined again by Dr Kristy Christopher-Holloway, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CPCS, ACS, PMH-C. She's back this time to talk about her journey homeschooling her twins and sharing some information for you to consider.

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While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session one of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. For many of us with kids in the home. The decision around schooling may be looking very different this year. Many of you have shared interest in homeschooling, but have been uncertain about where to start. So I wanted to create some space here on the podcast for us at least start the conversation. Today, we're joined again by Dr Christie Christopher Holloway, who you may remember from session seventy six when she joined us to chat about pregnancy and postpartum concerns. Well, he's back this time to talk about her journey homeschooling her twins and sharing some information for you to consider. Dr Christopher Holloway is an adjunct professor and the founder and director of New Vision Counseling Center, a group private practice in Douglasville, Georgia that offers affordable outpatient mental health counseling. She's a licensed professional counselor in Georgia, a National Certified Counselor, a Distance credential counselor, and an approved clinical supervisor. She has worked in settings that include private practice, in home, outpatient and residential treatment. She and I discussed how her family made the decision to homeschool. Where to start when thinking about a curriculum for your kids misconceptions about home schooling and socialization, and she shared all of her favorite resources for those wanting to learn more. If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please be sure to share with us on social media using the hashtag tb G in Session. Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us again. Dr Christopher Halloween. Thank you so much for having me again. This is like the honor. The honors of the honors created a word. I'm just thrilled that you could join us again. You are also ENJOYGIA. So I know you kind of through Facebook, and I don't think we've had the chance to actually meet in person yet, but I feel like I knew you and a little bit about your family just from being friends on Facebook. And I want to hear a little bit about your homeschooling journey because you were homeschooling even before the pandemic. I was homeschooling for the pandem And I will say we've met at I think a C A or something. Yes, because you're right years ago. Uh, we're right to connect. Absolutely, You're right. So my homeschool journey though, as you know, I have twin boys that will that are almost six and they will tell you their birthday if they were any here, but almost six years old. So we are now in our third year of home schooling, So that means we were doing this way before COVID decided to come in here and be real disrespectful so take over. So we are in our third year. The boys are in first grade just because of their level their knowledge, you know, the skills and things like that that they have, so they are actually in first grade and not kindergarten. And I can talk about that more if you want me to, as we kind of go along and how we made that decision. But we started with them pre kish and then all the way up to where we are now. We had a short turn where we did try like outside and did like part time Monto story school outside of the home. But we decided to bring them back into the home probably about six to eight months into that, probably about six months actually, so for the most part they have been home kicking it with me. Yeah, and I think you have always been working at least part time, correct, while you've been homeschooling actually full time. Yeah. Yeah. I have a private practice located in Douglasville, Georgia. And so although I do not see clients every day of the week, you know how it is like managing a practice clients. It's a group private practice. So just making sure the ins and outs of the practice are good, and going making sure my staff are good, the clinicians who are also making sure they're good as well, and handling all of that day to day stuff that goes on with that. And then what is this now almost two years into if I've also been an assistant professor in an online department for a college. Yeah, it's a lot going on. Yes, So did you know, and if you feel comfortable sharing, did you know that you were going to homeschool even before your twins got here? So it's always been a desire of mine. Wasn't too sure what that would look like. My husband's an educator, and as we both say, look we came up through the public school systems and we're great look at us type, and so it was something that he and I talked about what we wanted the education for our children to look like and if that could happen in the various settings that were made available to them outside of our home. At the beginning. I didn't know what that would look like, how long we would be doing it. I just knew I kind of didn't want them in like the daycare or preschool setting at that time, and so we just really started doing everything at home with them. And then we said, you know, let's do kindergarten. Let's take it through that, and that's what we did and not like I said there in the first grade, and so we just say we're gonna do it as long as it works for our family. The boys have never really expressed an interest or asked to go to outside school. I don't want to say real school, because all of it is real school when you're teaching, regardless of you decide to do public, private, home or whatever world schooling. But they haven't expressed the desire. The most that they did, probably about two years ago, is they wanted to ride a school bus. Most kids are like, oh, bus, but yeah, So we didn't know what that was going to look like in the beginning. But we've been very, very pleased with the decision to start it and to still be sticking with it. Got it. And so now that we are in the midst of the pandemic, I do think that this is something that other parents are maybe considering even more than maybe they were before. And so I'm wondering if you can just share like where someone might even start to home school, because I know that there are still things you have to do, like with the state, and I'm thinking it's probably different for each state. But where would someone even get started in, you know, making sure that they're taking the right steps to home school their kids. Actually, that is going to be the first step, looking to see what the requirements are for their states. Some states are very relaxed, some states are kind of very strenuous and have a lot of requirements, and some states are kind of in between of what they require. So, for example, here in Georgia, all you need to do is just submit your declaration of intent, letting the Department of Education know that you have your child, you are educating them, and that's really it. They don't ask what my education level is, they don't ask what's my curriculum or what will be learning. They do ask like the start and end of my school term or semester of things like that, and just the age of the kids. So the first place that you want to start is really going to your state's department of Education and seeing what the requirements are to home school, because you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you have not filed the correct paperwork or you did not know, you know, for a particular degree or you know particular education level was needed, and so then you don't want if you ever do decide to put your children in a public or private or outside school setting, you don't want them to be behind because maybe it was something that you did not follow. So that's going to be the first place to start. And then from there, look, I am all about free and low cost resources, So I say, you know, start looking at you know, Google, free home school deals or free homeschooling forms or papers or what does a first grader or a kindergartener, a second grader need to know? World school because world school dot com is another great place to look, because that literally tells you based on um certain standards that are typically general across states. You know, it's telling you kind of what needs to be taught at that level and what needs to be focused on. So that way, it kind of gives you a starting point or a guiding point. And then I always encourage folks. From there you can start looking into me maybe you want a particular curriculum or things like that, or you may want to piece something together and pull from here and there using your library. That is a great, great resource and again a free resource. And then definitely if you can getting someone that can kind of mentor you or at least that's been homeschooling and kind of answer some questions for you as you're kind of going along this journey, don't do it by yourself because there's gonna be a lot of things that you may just not know. Or again, why reinvent the will of someone has already kind of started that will for you in that process for you, and people are a lot of times bearing open to sharing what's worked, what has not worked, or at least consulting with you. So those are my starting points that I would recommend someone that is interested in getting into homeschooling to do. And are there particular curriculums that you can follow or and I know you've done a lot of kind of just developing your own curriculum for your boys, but are there other curriculums that people can either buy or you know, kind of get help with If they're looking for something kind of ready built. Absolutely absolutely, Oh my gosh. There are so many and this is why it can become overwhelming for folks because they don't really know where to begin. There's like do I do Rebecca? Do I do Charlotte Mason? Do I do World schooling? You know? Like what do I do in this? And so sometimes people will say like this is just too much. I don't want to do this. I don't want to sit here and learn all about the months of story method. I don't want to learn about classical conversations, you know, and all of this and that. So there are ones that people can use. And again they can google homeschool Curriculu for you know, science or from math, and they can do it based on grade level. Some curricula come with where it will literally have the full curriculum for every subject. So for instance, a Becca has a Beck of math, science, language, arts, geography, history, depending on what your child, their ages, their grade level, and what it is that they're learning. Some people like that because they feel like it's the one stop shop. Everything is here. I can get this book and I can keep it moving. Other people like myself and others that I know For instance, they may like a beck of science, but they may not like a beck of math, and so they may choose to do a different math curriculum. Or they may like it for kindergarten in first grade, but they may not like it for second and third grade. They may choose to do math, you see, or what are we doing horizons math? You know? So it's so many different options. Before a person decides to choose and get a full set curriculum, I encourage them to kind of look over it and see if it's going to teach your children that mastery skill that they need. So you may be starting math and you have a particular curriculum and you like it, but it may not be setting them up for second grade math. Right, So, like what we're doing now, although my boys are five almost six, some of the things that they're doing in math is already setting them up for multiplication. And you're thinking like, huh already And the answer is yes. So if you have something that you're going by and it does not give your child that standard and that knowledge that they need for their current grade level as well as getting ready to prepare them for that next grade or silver grades, then you may kind of want to look at that. But if you bought this whole curriculum, now you're like stuck with it, right, doesn't mean that you have to use it, Which is why I love the flexibility of homeschool because I can say this doesn't really work for us, or the boys have kind of went through that so quickly, let me buff it up a little. And I'd like to be able to do that and to challenge them. So I just again tell people, look around, you know, ask someone, hey, you were doing kindergarten, what did you like, what did you did not like in this curriculum? And then also giving the assessments that they may have in certain books to say, you know what, yep, your child is ready to move to the next level if they can do this, or let's keep them right here, maybe like on this primer level instead of moving up, so that we can make sure that they have the knowledge that's going to prepare them and help them feel successful as they're learning that information. So that was my next question because I find myself getting overwhelmed just listening to you talk about all these resources, right, and so I'm wondering, you know, if you're not an educator and even if you are an educator, and we know this even a therapist, right, Like if even if you're an educator, doesn't mean you can necessarily educate your own children. So how do you know, like if they are meeting certain academic milestones, like how do you know to even make a decision about whether I need to switch to a new curriculum? Like what are the resources or what are you looking for to be able to do something? Right? So going back to remember I was talking about like the department, So Georgia has or whatever state your state will have those standards, right, What I specifically do is I'll get the Georgia standards and then I will look to and say, for instance, math or science, most curriculum are going to come with the different standards that are being taught right in the book, and so I will look and say, Okay, this is what we're supposed to know in science. Okay, does this curriculum right here address this? And as long as it's meeting those animum, then that may be one that's good for you. Okay if it's not addressing it, because again, you may decide to put your child in school later and you want to make sure that it has addressed that. So if it's not addressing it, then it's probably one that either I'm not going to do or I'm going to look at a grade level above to see if it's captured there. Because of my boys age technically Georgia in many states, I think it's what if your birthday is after September one or whatever, they put you in the grade prior. Age wise, my boys should be in kindergarten. However, skill wise and what they know, I was not going to keep them in kindergarten because it was going to move too slow. We have already done kindergarten work, honestly with thin pre K, and so we did some kindergarten kind of starting into first grade work last year, which was technically should have based on age, been pre K for them. So this is how my children are in first grade because they have met the standards and the milestones, okay for kindergarten. Also, what I tell people to most places, don't require your child to have to be in pre K before they can go in kindergarten, kindergarten before they can go in first Now, once you start going higher than that, than yes, need to be in second grade before you can go to third grade type thing. So anyway, this is how I was kind of able to like pull in peace and see what they needed. And to me, it was not fair to still have them in first grade instruction when they had already done that and mastered that and completed that, and just because of their birthday. Right, So this is how they are in first grade. The last year we used Matthew See and I really really love Matthew See because it is literally that it is math that they can see, right, Because you have to know your learning style of your child as well as your own learning and teaching style, especially if you're not already like a K through twelve educator, you need to know your teaching style, your learning style is guess what you're learning this with your child too. None of us have been in kindergarten like forever. We've learned that stuff and kept it moving or first grade or whatever grade it is that you're teaching but also learning your child's learning style. So anyway, math you see was definitely one that they were able to see. It came with different manipulatives and stuff that they can use. I loved how it taught them how to tell time. I would watch the learning videos that one comes with the video, and the boys would sometimes watch it with me, and so now they know what I'm getting ready to teach them, so they had me teaching it. They have a nanny still, and so their nanny would sometimes teaching and supplemented, and then they would watch the little video with the little man and they love him, you know, watching him. So anyway, we move forward to first grade, and although I still have a first grade Matthew See book and curriculum, right now, we're doing Horizons math because it's moving them along for their next set of math. Like I said, multiplying, dividing, breaking down, deconstructing numbers, all of that good stuff. Could I still use Matthew See Yeah? Are they advancing faster with Matthew See than Horizon? Yes? So that lets me know I needed a little more challenge, right, So that's why we switched. I recommend that if you're going to get a curriculum at least see again, where's your child going to place in this? How are they going to understand it? Another kid they may have found Matthew See to be too boring or too basic, and so the parent may have had to do something else, or maybe horizon math was to advance and they needed to move to a different type of math. So you know this basically by looking at your child assessing them. Many of the books come with an assessment and it says if your child can do these basic things and this is where they are. If they cannot, then maybe you need to go down a level. And that's okay, too, right. It doesn't mean that, oh my gosh, my kid is a first grader and there you know, they don't get X, Y and z. It just means that maybe they need a little refresher. It also may mean that instead of teaching one concept today, you need to teach it one concept every two or three days and focus a little more on those edition facts or a little more on you know, lower case and upper case letters or something like that. So, Dr Christopher Holloway, you mentioned one thing that I want to dig into a little bit more right about learning your own teaching style as a parent or as an educator. But I'm wondering what other kinds of things you might need to know about yourself before you embark upon this journey of homeschool thing. Listen, you need to learn if you have be patients for it, right, And so I hear a lot of people say, oh my gosh, I can't teach my kids, And the thing is, can you not or do you not want to? In my opinion, are two different things, right at least for me, I can't teach means I literally don't of X, Y and Z or these things that I need to teach them. I don't want to or I won't just means I don't. Hey, I don't want to teach them. It's not and that's not my ministry. So one, do you have the tolerance? Do you have the patients? Maybe you may say I don't really have the patients to do this, okay? Is that something that you feel can develop? Is it that you don't have the patients because maybe you think your child is gonna be flipping all around not listening to you. Do you think you're gonna get too frustrated because maybe it's something that you don't understand and you can't help them understand it, right, And so being able to kind of assess all of that. So do you have the patients? Do you have? And I'm not gonna say the time because I think that sometimes gets people caught up because we are socialized in condition to think that school is from seven to three four whatever time. You know. I always say it's no coincidence that work hours are aligned with in school hours, which is why a lot of people are struggling right now with the pandemic and struggling with do I keep my kid home or do I go to work? Right, that's a whole another social issue for another podcast. But do you have the resources right? Do you have the time? Do you have the patience? Not necessarily do you have the space, because that can be right there at your kitchen table, it can be in the middle of the floor, it can be anywhere you're learning. Space can be anywhere. So the first thing again is being able to like think outside of the box. How would I want to be educated if I were this age? What way would I want to be taught? Can I teach it in a style that my child is going to love and to learn? So, for example, the boys, we made a room in our home that that is their classroom, and you may have seen pictures of it on Facebook, but it's set up in a way that is developmental, so they'll it'll grow with them or they'll grow with it, I guess, but also very fun. It's still five six year old age appropriate. They have an affirmation that they say every day before we start our school day, and I also say it too. I have my little notes written that says, patients, you know what it is that I am going to be working on as I'm teaching it, because I have to have patients with myself too. I by nature am a higher educator. Like I teach master's level students, I am a trainer, and so I have to be patient and say like, hey, this is something that they're learning, this is what they're going to get on their level. I literally have to turn off hey, Dr Professor Holloway to teach your Mommy Holloway. And being able to shift, because sometimes that's happening within hours or very simultaneously of each other. I may teach the boys and literally go and run and record a lecture, right, So I have to shift these things very quickly. So being able to just kind of say like, Okay, what is it that I have, what is it that I need, and what is it that I am going to be working on with me also working on with my children. And it's also okay to use other supplemental So maybe I don't understand a science concept, but I tell you who does, and that's Generation Genius because my boys love it, and so we may pull up that, or we may pull up Brain Pop Junior, you know, or something like these, like YouTube channels, different websites. So at Generation Genius is and they know Dr Jeff Brain Pop. So I may use some of that to supplement or reinforce something I don't even know about or may not know as much about. But now it's teaching it to them in a very fun, kid friendly way. And yes, there are tons of things on YouTube as well, got it? So I think it really is, like you mentioned, having patience with yourself and also understanding that you don't have to have all of the answers, because I think again that's where people may get overwhelmed with, like how am I going to teach them science? Like I didn't even get this myself in school, right, but understanding that there are other resources that you can put into teach as well. Yes, absolutely, the curriculums that I love the most are ones that come with a very hands on, step by step teachers guy. So unless you really know it, and this is just something that's your strength area. I recommend that folks get one that has a teacher's guy because it literally says we're doing daily reading comprehension and reading fundamentals, right, and it literally says day one point to this, tell students this, show this, you know, now say this, stand at the board and write that. So for those who really need those instructions like that to kind of help them know how to move on, I like any curriculum that is going to have a well guided teachers manual or instructors manual. So you mentioned that you don't necessarily need a whole classroom space like you have. You could just use the kitchen table. Are there other resources that you would suggest people have or of supplies and they might need to get started with homeschooling? Absolutely, so you know your basic again depending on their age as well. So again my kids are younger, so you're basic supplies, crafts, anything you can turn into like a craft activity as well. They were learning sequence, like telling a story in sequence that was talking about plants or something, so it's like, oh great, now this can be science as well as we're talking about life cycle. Oh guess what we can make this as a craft as well. Here's some crayons as some construction paper. Make a flower, make a plant, and let's label the stem and the pedals, you know, and all of that. So you want to have like your basic things that are going to be around the home. If you have access to a library right now, again with COVID, is just so much going on. Some libraries are open, some or not. But if your library is open, take advantage of that. God use the library. You have all of these books at your disposal. You can also do audio books. Many libraries have can log in and still check out audio books and you can start using those. And so here's my thing. I am very fond of interest lad and child lad learning. So if I say to the boys, where do y'all want to learn? They may say, Mommy, can we learn about dinosaurs? Or can we learn about how an engine works? Or something like that, and being able to kind of incorporate that in whatever your structured learning is. So if y'all were already talking about reading comprehension and putting you know, a story and sequence, all I have to do now is go and find a story online about how a car runs first you know, open the door, put the key in. Next you do X Y and z. Then you do x, y and z. So you're still teaching them that basic skill that you're trying to do and reinforce, which is sequence and in order and reading comprehension, but you're doing it in a manner of something that they stated that they want to learn and want to do. So really again, allowing yourself to be creative and not sucking like a certain kind of a box. Please don't get stuck in a box, honestly, because it's gonna make it so hard for you. It's to feel very frustrating. And I even did that. Another resource and the I'm gonna come back to the box. But another resource is having a mentor. If you can find a mentor someone that has been doing this that can kind of walk you through it. Is so many Facebook and Instagram, so many social media sites that you can join and hear other people's stories or you know, read the questions that they may ask. So that's definitely your resource because you need something for you too. As usual, when we get caught up making sure everybody else is okay. So I'm gonna make sure the kids got this and they can learn that, and I'm setting my room up and I'm teaching that, and I'm like, okay, well what about you. Where's your outlet? Do you have another homeschool mom or dad or homeschool parents? Right, So making sure you have that as a resource, whether it's someone that you know, or if it's a group that you're in or something like that. But going back to being boxed in, I did that like maybe our first year year and a half. I was just like, wait, this doesn't allow for flexibility because today it says we're supposed to be moving on to this, but we weren't in the classroom yesterday, So well, how do I get back to that? You know? And it made me feel very boxed in. Although I like that site that I was using to just kind of keep up with what we were doing, I didn't like how again it made me feel boxed in. So I went back to their old school planner that you write down and you know, a color code and highlight and things like that. So the more you're in a box or the more you're trying to teach, that's not a style that is complementary to your teaching style and your children's learning style, it will be overwhelming as well. Yeah, and I know that one of the main criticisms are one of the larger criticisms I hear from people related to homeschooling and socialization, right, and so these concerns about like, how are they gonna learn all this other stuff if they're not interacting. Now there are two of your little ones, right, so they're kind of have this built in socialization. But I'm curious to hear what kinds of things you were doing in terms of socialization before cope, Nat, and maybe how you're thinking about socialization now. Right. So the first thing I usually tell people, if your mama, their mama dad was anything like mine, what they would say, I didn't send you that school out there to talk lear right, Yes, I like your mama kept saying that dot. But the first thing they say, I did not send you that school how to talk to be making friends and socialized. I said, you got to learn. You're getting in trouble because you talked too much. But no, so, but yes, do they need to socialize? Absolutely? Are my kids at advantage because they have each other? Absolutely? I had a client asked me this one day, and he said, well, what about their socialization and I can you know, I said, tell me, he's like sixties. And I said, well, tell me about your grandma. Do you think you know she went to formal you know, like, oh no, she did X Y Z. And I said, your grandma's probably smarter than all of us combined, right, and was never set foot in a formal educational setting. Right. So that tells you that, yes, socialization is key. It is very important. But there are so many ways that children can socialize and not just you know, with adults, because that's the next thing. You're like, well, they're always around you are always around adults, and so that's not always the case. So things that we did prior to COVID. We have a great family friend that has twins also that lives about fifteen minutes from us, and her family has a homestead and a little farm and things like that. So we would do forest school. And forest school is simply learning in a woodland environment, but it's teaching against social skills, sur viable skills, all types of things. So the kids have my boys and and the kids that we're in our forest school have learned you know, hell baby chickens and learned life cycles of that. But they also been able to suit up and put on a b suit and harvest honey from bees, so many things that we do at Forest School. But that's what we would do every Wednesday from ten to two rain shine, sleep or snow. So if it was cold, guess what they have on their bib suit there, their snow boots, everything, And of course we would keep the children comfortable, but that's what it is. If it was raining, we had on rain suits. If it was hot, we just made sure they were dressed appropriately and had tons and tons of good cold water. And so they got a lot of outdoor learning time every Wednesday with other black and brown kids and kids that look like them, because that was also very important for us in their social and emotional development and learning too. But that would happen every Wednesday. We do play dates where we would meet up at the park with friends. They were taking swim lessons, they take music lessons, they were doing what is it t ball premall, whatever it's called at that and so they were making friends through that. We would go to the library several times a week. The boys are very interested in science and space, so we had memberships at the Space museum here in Georgia, we've gone to the Children's museum, So we were out quite a bit and doing things, and they go to the park. They would go to the park at least what four or five days out of the week. Now that COVID has come in and as I said earlier, been real disrespectful, you have to be very creative and how you're going to still allow them to connect with their friends. So I don't think any of us, well any of us on miscalling probably listening, did not know in the beginning how bad COVID was. Word on the street is they knew how it was, but none of us knew that we were gonna still be sitting in our house being virtual and doing all these Zoom meetings six months later. I think most of us, at least I thought, oh, this will be two weeks. We literally were like, we'll see y'all back and for us school in April, and then April and we're like, uh, let's just call it. We're not gonna do it. So now some of the things that we've done is we've done Zoom play dates with their friends. But honestly, dr joy and into your listeners. It was very hard for them because they got tired of playing with each other. Right. They were just like, Okay, I see my brother and then so we would go outside and play and they see a neighbor down the street playing and another neighbor on this and they're like, oh, can I go play? And we'd say no, baby, you can't right now. And so they would say because of the COVID and we'd say yes, and they got it, but they didn't get it right. And so I remember maybe around May or so, all the kids and they just naturally inclined to do it. We're riding their bikes, and they started riding their bikes in the cold to sect but they were literally about four to six feet apart from each other. Was nothing that we said you gotta stay away or don't get too close. They just kind of organically at it. So that made me happy to see that they were playing, but it also made me sad as a parents, like, man, is this is what it is now? But they got it, and they did it so they get to see their little friends in the neighborhood. We started back taking them to the park and a lot of times the park is empty or maybe it's only two or three other kids there, and so we started out with you know, wear your mask at the part it's hot, or at least it was super hot, and so that was a little difficult for them to do. So if it would get more than five kids, they knew, you know, they would get out there and counting. If it's more, we're gonna go play on the other side, or we would go find another part. It's a lot of parks around where we live, so we would go find another park that may have not had as many kids. And they got to see some of their friends from Fort School for the first time last month, so that was exciting and again sad as well, but they got to play and hug and you know, see their friends. So it is a little different now with COVID, and we have to as a family think outside of the box on again what socialization looks like, what interacting outside of just our four walls and our four family members, what that looks like, and doing it in the safest way possible. So they know we can't go to museums right now. They know we're not going to any big places and stuff like that. We've spent a lot of family time. We've done you know, let's go get ice cream and sit just on the field and eat or sit back in the car and eat it. But it's been different. It's definitely been different. All the things that you listed off that y'all were doing before. It sounds so much fun, right, like all the different activities they could participate in, and thinking about how you can really make any kind of thing a learning experience. So I definitely want to hear them more about like scheduling and boundaries and like how you kind of keep all of their straight being of course, you know, like a full time business owner and professor and you know homeschooling as well. What does that look like? So full disclosure, I will tell y'all. Like I said, they have a nanny there. Nanny has been in their life since they were two months old, so they are five and a half years old, so you know, over five years she's been with us, and so she still comes with us part time. And so I remember when COVID hit and we realized we were going to be home everything was going to be virtual, and I remember saying, like I got this. You know, my clients were virtual, So I was like I already do that. I already teach online and I've already been home schooling. So hey, I got this, Well, guess what happens. Everybody wants to have a meeting. And then we got hit with the double pandemic of social injustices and racial issues that were happening in America. So that was the next thing that happened in the midst of COVID, and so that pulled me into more meetings, to more conversations on diversity and inclusion, to more conversations even within my family and with my boys on social justice and things like that, and so probably about me April to early May, it became very overwhelming, and there was a lot of times where the boys and I didn't even get into the classroom because it was literally back to back meeting see clients, make sure they're okay, take care of my own self, you know, and things like that. And so I had to really take a step back and say, where is the priority here and what needs to happen and how can I make that happen. And so as far as scheduling, the boys and their nanny and I would talk and say, Okay, this is what this looks like, and hey, I'll come in and teach, but I have a meeting at this time. Can you take over or you know whatever that may mean to look like. So I changed my schedule all the way around. And I typically try to do meetings or things like that during their lunch or their quiet time, and then you know she's here with them, and so we get the bulk of our learning done in the morning, and then by the time she kind of takes over with them, at least they're learning is done, and so maybe they go outside and play or go to the park, or do puzzles. They love doing puzzles. And then I will go and sell CA I'm gonna record my lecture, or I'm gonna attend this meeting. I've got to see a client, because that does still have to happen. But as far as scheduling, again, you have to do what works for your family. This morning, one of the boys got up and he was ready to go, and the other one got up, looked at me and I said, you read and he said, no, I'm gonna lay back down. I'm still tired, and that's fine with me. One of the things that I want to promote and instill in them is the need for rest and if your body is telling you that you need to rest, then go and rest it. Because again, we're in a society where it's go, go, go go, and it's hustle and bustle, and here we are even talking about boundaries around our time, right, So I want to teach them like, if you need to rest, rest, um, then we'll get up and get started. That's gonna be a struggle if I'm trying to teach them math and he's still tired, and then we're all gonna be frustrated and overwhelmed in tears and things like that. So why even set us up for that? So anyway, I've changed my edule around. They know, like those moments where they're supposed to be quiet time because maybe mommy has to do a meeting or has to make a phone call, and so they know what that time looks like. But again they're also five and a half. And there have been times where I am doing a webinar and then you come in and be like, hey, can we do it? Or I'm recording in a lecture and they busted the door dinners ready, you know, but guess what, that's life. And I preft many of my meetings, telling people this is the sign of our times, and this is where we are, and this is life. And I give that same to my students, to my clients, like, this is that same grace that you will need from me and that you need to give to yourself too. M So we schedule we do on Wednesdays, we do out Wednesdays and Fridays typically we do outdoor learning time where I will literally take whatever it is that we are working on and learning and we go to the park and we sit under the covered pavilion and we'll do our work. And then when it's their brain break time, guess what the parts right there, they can go run across and play. Then they come back and we eat lunch, and then go back and play, and then we'll do some more work. So again that learning space can look like any place, but your time can be moved around and flexed as well if possible. And I understand that everybody doesn't have that opportunity and privilege, but I think when you're able to put it in context, that learning can happen at any time of the day. So if you work from eight to five, you're learning may not start till six or seven. You know, depending on the age of your child, you're learning may not start till the weekends. You may really teach your children on Saturdays and Sundays and you know throughout, you know, an hour here and there throughout the week because again, depending on their age, they don't need to be sitting and they're not going to sit at a desk for seven hours, six hours, and they don't need to be If we did our instruction without taking any breaks whatsoever, we could literally be done in two and a half maybe three hours, you know, if I'm teaching some type of new concept. So you have to figure out kind of what your life looks like and how you can kind of maneuver that in Is there anything that you can flex you can move around if you're working from home, you know, do you have a parent or a grandparent or a friend or someone that can kind of watch them for you during that time when you may have to do a meeting that cannot be interrupted, right, and then you have this other time where you can kind of do that instruction with them. So that's just kind of how we do it. There are days that we get started in our classroom right at nine o'clock on the dot. There are days we don't go in there until three o'clock. There are days we may not go at all, but I already know that we're going to supplement it and catch it up, and if it's something that they didn't get, we could do it for an hour or two on a Saturday. You know, I really appreciate you sharing, like the flexibility that comes with it and the idea that really if you think about like the hours that are actually spent an instruction, it is only like two and a half to three hours. But again, because we are so used to the traditional model of school, right, we think that we have to be kind of doing something from like seven to three o'clock, when the truth is that a lot of that could be done in a like two to three hour block. Absolutely, most definitely, most definitely, And so don't stress yourself out, don't stress your children now trying to do for five plus hours of instruction. And that's another thing. Even with me being in year three when we started some of our first grade work, there were some things that I was like, Okay, we're gonna do our reading comprehension and then I'm gonna supplement it with this language arts comprehension, and then I'm like, it's right here, and I'm like, girl, if you don't fall back, no, Like they're getting it. And then you can use this like as a worksheet or something you want to reinforce later, you know, like we're doing comparing contrast. That's what we started on today, So that's what we did. But then I just turned it and said, well, tell me something that's the same you know about you and your brother, and tell me something that's different. Tell me something that's different about us. So we're supplementing that throughout. But you're going to have to be compassionate and flexible and even forgiving of yourself because this is a journey and you were learning too, and whether you've been homeschooling for zero time of your life or ten years of your life, you're still going to be learning as you go because guess what, your child is growing and changing and learning, so it's going to be a changing process. But worked for you six months ago probably may still work this time now, but it also may not because your child, their brain is constantly developing and growing and you have to adapt to that. So don't get caught up if something is not working don't think that you didn't do it right. It just may mean it's time to flex it, which again is for me and our family the beauty of homeschooling because we get to flex it. Mm hmmm. So you've kind of mentioned throughout the conversation, Dr Christopher Halloway these kind of mental health checkens you do with the boys, right, even very early on you talked about the fact that they've not expressed a desire to do something different, which leads me to think like that that's an open conversation around like maybe they might decide they want to do something and then the family has a conversation around it. And so I'm curious to hear if you can share something about um doing these kind of mental health check ins with your kids in a whole school in situation to make sure that that conversation does stay open. Right. Absolutely, So, of course, I think it's just natural because we are counselors. Everything you're doing is traumatizing your child, and like, oh my gosh, right, I rolled my neck and now they trumatized. So that's that piece about forgiveness, y'all, because again, you may have a rough day and that tone may go up in your voice. But then you come back and you apologize, or you reassess, you reevaluate, you talk about what could have been done differently. And a lot of times I'll have that conversation with the boys here. They know if you need space and you need time to say that I need time. Can I take a step out? Can I go to my room and get it together and come back? Sure? Absolutely. So we've created a feeling, identification, and expression. We've been doing that forever, but they actually have visuals of it. And so that's another thing that we try to do to tell me how you're feeling right now before we even get the day started. Because if someone tells me they're feeling sad, if they're feeling nervous, they're feeling confused, I need to check in and figure out what's going on, because again, it may make our instruction hard. And so now I'm frustrated because you acting like you don't know B from D and y'all can tell that's that's that's truly happened to our household. So you don't know that's a B right there, you know? But then I need to step back because then now I'm frustrated they're frustrated, and if I would have just done a simple check in on Mommy, I'm tired or I'm still hungry. You you didn't give me that extra piece of bacon that I asked, whatever, can I have some over? Like I cannot focus? So they have that I made feeling magnets and they can go and take it off. They can tell me why they're feeling that way. We have tons of feeling cards even throughout our instruction. Hey, how you doing? Did you get it? And you know the same thing you're doing regular school. Here is a sticker. We'll stop in the middle and dance and have a little party because, oh my gosh, you just counted by threes. You skill counted by fours and I hadn't even taught you that yet. So yeah, we're gonna celebrate that because now it's setting them up to feel very good about themselves and what they're learning. So once we sit back down at that desk and they don't get some concept, they can just remember how we just celebrate it, right, and how much we did to honor that learning. And so we do a lot of check ins on that. With COVID, we've been doing a lot of check ins, because they don't say, man, I'm tired of this, or we can't go nowhere. People don't put their mask on walking around here with no mask, you know, or something like that. And so we'll say, you know, what are your thoughts about it? Tell me what's going on. So we try to stay constant with that, and I'll be honest, it's something that I'm having to make sure I'm being more intentional with with myself, because again, as we do, we get in that hustle and bustle and we go and we try to make sure everybody else is okay. So I even have to step back and say, like, how am I feeling? Am I still tired? Did I get enough for us? Am I overwhelm? Am I unfocused? Because I know I got a meeting coming up, you know, or something like that. And so being able to kind of have those conversations and process that within internally within myself, but then also letting them know they can do that. This is going to be the safest place for them to talk because I need you at some point leave our house to be able to express yourself, to be able to know how you're feeling and what's going on. So that is daily, daily, daily for us, sometimes several times a day. Mm hmmm, yeah, I think I remember seeing pictures of your feelings. Magnet's like, oh, those are so cute. So you've already given us tons of resources, but I do want to make sure that we get any additional ones that you want to share that you think might be helpful for people as they may be considering a home school option. Yes, if you're thinking about homeschooling and you and your child have been in your traditional school settings for whatever length of time, you're gonna have to count almost d school D program or unschool yourself. Okay, So keeping that in mind, because again we get caught up seven or three, or they got to be up super early this, and and don't do this, and and no, you can't eat right now because we're you know whatever. That maybe if the boys say they're hungry, okay, well let's finish this and we'll take a snack, right, Like, why am I gonna tell you can't have a great because you're adding like since that, right, so you may have to like count almost deep program what we have in condition to think certain settings look like. And I'm not saying this is all you know, public, private school settings. But let them be that freethinker, letting them be able to if you're hungry, what's wrong with stopping and having a snack right now? Does life always do that? Sometimes it does, depending on your job, and sometimes it doesn't. But I know, if I'm sitting here and I'm hungry and i have a client, what am I gonna do. I gonna take a break before my client comes, and I'm gonna eat, I'm gonna drink some water in that session. So why would I not allow a child to do that? So being able to do that, there are several free resources, and if they're not free, they're very low costs. I love teachers, pay teachers. You can search for free resources on there, and then they do have some you know that you can pay for. We use a lot of Generation Genius, a lot of brain pop, ABC Mouse flocabulary is it flocabulary? Ocabulary? So it's all music, so children's style. Right. He can hear a song right now, he will be singing it before it's off the radio. He is a very what auditory learner because he gonna get it through music. The other one is very hands on, want to touch everything, see everything, smell everything, and you're crossing your eyes like, oh my gosh. Locabulary is good. So I said a mentor. All the Facebook groups whatever area you are in, but you put in the search for our home school, you will see homeschool groups maybe for your area. I'm in a lot of African American homeschool groups, home schooling for the culture. Free resource I think it's free Resource deals or something like that on Facebook that gives a whole lot of free things every day, every single day, that you can click on. And it may not be anything that you need at that moment, but I always tell people like create you like a Google drive or a folder on your computer, and just still go ahead and download it and save it for later when you will need it, especially if it's something that you think is going to be very beneficial to you and what you and your child may be learning down the line. And then as much as possible, still having that mentor or that person that you can consult with and just someone else that you can kind of bounce ideas off. I ended up in one of our clinician groups. She was like, I pulling my kids and I'm home schooling, and next thing. I know. It's like, oh, you live like ten minutes from me, and our kids met up at the park and it was just our five kids and so now they have that social interaction right with other people. And then I also got a mimmy break two and got to talk to another adult. So being able to use whatever resources that are around, whether they are digital resources for other people. Perfect. Thank you so much for all of the dictors for Hollywey. We will definitely be including all of that in this show notes. So remind people where they can connect with you again, your website as well as any social media handles you want to share. Absolutely so. My counseling website is www dot New Vision Counseling Center dot com. Um you can also find New Vision Counseling Center on Facebook where you're located in Douglas Kill, Georgia. And then my speaking and consultation and training website is Christie C. Holloway dot com and you can also follow me on Facebook at doctor Christie Christopher Holloway and then on Instagram at dr dot Christie C. Halloway. Perfect. We appreciate you so much for sharing all of this. I'm so glad that Dr Christopher Holloway was able to share her expertise and experience with us again today. To learn more about her work and to check out all the resources she shared, be sure to visit the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash Session one, and don't forget to share this episode with other sisters in your life who may enjoy the conversation. If there's a topic you'd like to have covered on the podcast, please submit it to us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash mailbox. And if you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. If you want to continue digging into this topic and connect with some other sisters in your area, come on over and join us in the Yellow College Collective, where we take a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y CC. Don't forget that If you're looking for a way to end somewhere on a high note, Cricket Wireless has got just the thing. Get ready for unlimited smiles, unlimited times, for get four lines of unlimited data for a hundred dollars a month. Thank you all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care.

Therapy for Black Girls

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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