Session 70: Hella Loose Boundaries

Published Aug 13, 2018, 7:00 AM
Today's session is a booster session because I just couldn't wait to share my thoughts about the Season 3 premiere of HBO's Insecure and why I think this season will explore one of my favorite topics, boundaries!

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Hey, y'all, this is Dr Joy from the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, and this is a booster session. As a reminder, the information included is meant to be educational and entertaining, but it is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all is Dr Joy and I'm back with another booster session. Whenever something comes up and I feel like I just can't wait into the next regular episode, I like to pop in with a booster session. Like many of you, I have been anticipating the return of Insecure to see what Issa and Molly would be up to, and they already have me hooked to see how the season progresses. It feels like this season will largely be about how Issa and Molly will learn or not learn, to set and maintain healthy boundaries in their lives, and I feel like this episode gave us a really clear picture of what could happen if they don't. Y'all know, I love talking about boundaries, So if you haven't heard my episode about what boundaries are and why we need them, make sure to check it out at Therapy for Black Girls dot Com slash Session four teen. So when we left off, last season, Issa was moving in with Daniel, and it felt like they hinted at the fact that this was a just friends thing, but given their history, we all know that it could have gone either way. So we fast forward to last night's season premiere, and we now see that it is indeed a just friends thing because the episode opens with Daniel having sex with a woman whom we quickly find out is not Issa, because a few seconds later, we see Issa on the couch outside of his bedroom, covering her head with a pillow. So let's dig in to Issa, and her boundaries are lack thereof she's doing this just friends roommate situation with Daniel, but we see them grabbing a drink one night and he tries her as exes often do, and she tells him that she's not interested, for only a few days later to tell him that she does actually have feelings for him. Huh, what's going on here? Issa? Let's look at how some better boundaries could have saved Issa in this situation. So I understand that emotions were high at the end of last season. She thought she might get another shot with Lawrence, but that didn't pan out, and she wanted to be comforted, and Daniel has comforted her in the past, so that's where she went. I get it, I really do. But if we think about this logically and with our own mental health, in peace of mind, in mind, is the guy who you slept with, who resulted in your ex breaking up with you, who you still have this unresolved thing with, the person you choose to live with long term until you find somewhere else to go, And even if you did, do you continue to live there after you hear him having sex with another woman, after you know you still have feelings for him? I would definitely encourage you to think long and hard about that one. So what could she have done instead? She could have couch hopped with her friends if she didn't feel like she could stay with any one of them for an extended period of time. She could have looked for another new roommate. It just feels like there were probably at least a few other options she could have explored before she actually chose to live with Daniel long term. And then we have our good sis Molly. Molly is back fresh from vacation and you see her having lunch with Issa and she says that she is on her next level plan. But then not even five minutes later, we see her in dro getting busy in her kitchen. So Molly has clearly articulated to Issa the boundary she wants to maintain. She doesn't want to have anything serious with the guy she met on vacation, she doesn't want to do long distance with Quentin from her job, and she says that she's done in this situation with Drow. But every time she tries to set a boundary, she has trouble in forcing it. And I do think that this is really important to pay attention to, because in some ways Molly was doing some really good work in setting boundaries with Drow. She told him they could continue to have sex, but needed to discontinue all the talking and everything else. But what does he do. He wants to hear about how her negotiations went and wants to take her out to celebrate. She tries to set a boundary by answering his phone calls, and then what does he do. He lets himself in. So it's important to know that the work doesn't stop by us just setting the boundary. We're also responsible for maintaining it, because otherwise people don't know or don't care that they exist, and they won't take it seriously. So what could Molly have done differently here? She could have maintained her stance that sex was okay, but stated that she was not interested in celebrating with him, and instead of kissing him when she realized he had let himself into her apartment, she could have said, I didn't answer your call because I wasn't interested in talking, asked for her key back, which ultimately she did, and told him she see him again for their next hook up. So I'm curious to see how the rest of this season will unfold. Like I said, I think it will largely be about how wells and Molly will do at setting and maintaining boundaries in their lives, and I definitely think it will give us some great episodes. So what did you think about the season premiere? Do you think there are other boundaries Molly and Issa would benefit from working on. What kinds of things have helped you to set and maintain boundaries in the past. Let us know on social media using the hashtag TBG in session and no worries, you will still get your regular episode on Wednesday. Until then, take get care of yourself

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The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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