Session 56: Degrees & Depression

Published May 9, 2018, 7:00 AM
This week's episode is dedicated to all the college grads! Right now you may be more ecstatic and thrilled than you've ever been in your life, but you might also be feeling apprehensive and depressed. In this episode I share 8 concerns that might come up around college graduation that could impact your mental health and ways to deal with them. 

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Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls Podcasts, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. And while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session fifty six of the podcast. I want you to spend some time today to talk to all the ladies celebrating their college graduation in this season. You've spent many years working towards this goal and you should absolutely enjoy the fruits of your labor. And as much as this time is marked with excitement and joy, many of you might also be feeling a little apprehensive, confused, and maybe even depressed. So I wanted to share with you eight concerns I've seen come up around college graduation that might be impacting you now or could be in the future, and give you some ideas about how to work through them. If you hear an idea that you love and you think your circle also needs to hear it, make sure to share it on social media using the hashtag TBG in session number one. So, first, I want to let you know that there is a natural coming down of adrenaline that happens when you finished big projects. You've spent so much time working on this thing that at times may have felt like it would never be over, and now it is. Then there are the ceremonies and parties and dinners, and everything is pretty NonStop for a while. You might also be having a wave of emotions related to saying goodbye to friends who have become a very large part of your life. You probably have a bunch of time on your hands now, and you might be feeling like you don't know what to do with yourself. First, I want you to breathe. This is not uncommon, and you don't need to beat yourself up over feeling down, even though everyone else feels like you should be on top of the world. I'll never forget defending my dissertation topic and then coming home and becoming a sobbing mess. I was so confused about what was happening, but then called a friend who had recently been through that experience and she was able to talk me through it, and then she took me out for dinner and things became a little better. If you're feeling this way, no that you're not alone in feeling this, and that the feeling will likely pass as you get a little distance from all the celebrations. Number two, you may have some concerns related to not finding the dream job. I think it's important to remember that these days, most people don't retire from the job they started right after undergrad Starting at one job now does not mean you'll never have your dream job. I also think it's important to interrogate what makes something a dream job. Can you find some of these qualities and another job or internship or volunteer project that could potentially open more doors for you to land the dream job. Number three, you might be comparing yourself to others online who appeared to be embarking upon what you would consider hashtag goals. If you've been listening for a while, you know I often talk about the fact that most of our social media feeds show the highlight reel and not the full story. I want you to try to manage your tendency to treat to create a better story around someone's picture than the actual reality. Just like the picture and move on. It might also help to do some journaling if you notice your mood being impacted by what you see on social media. What comes up for you as you see pictures of others moving into their new, fancy apartments or taking great vacations. This could give you a good place to start to do some digging about what changes you might need to make in your own life to feel better. Number four, you might be worried about having to pay back loans. Unfortunately, Sally May or whoever your lender is may start calling and emailing shortly after your degree is conferred. Try not to get into default in paying back your loans, but instead looking to deferment or forbearance options that might give you a little more time to start paying things back. Number five, you might be caught off guard about the lack of structure and stability that school provided. For about sixteen or seventeen years now, there has been a certain rhythm to your life. You go to class, you do to your homework, you eat some lunch, you hang out with friends, et cetera. And even though your college years gave you a bit more freedom, now that you're done, your schedule really will require you to be disciplined and accountable. There won't be any loss of points for coming in late or a grace period because you ran a time. It's now incumbent upon you to figure out what's important and to map out your days accordingly. Number six, you might be stressed about having to move back in with your parents and live under their rules. If post graduation life finds you moving back in with your parents, there will likely be a huge transition all of you will have to go through. You're probably used to being able to come and go as you please, while parents still think of you as their baby. It's important for everybody's sanity to have a plan in place for how things are going to happen. Will you be required to pay rent or help out with expenses some other way? Will you have a curfew? What are the rules about having friends over? Is there a time by which you will have to move out on your own? Having some structure to the agreement can really go a long way. Additionally, I would encourage you to manage any shame or guilt or disappointment you may be feeling about having to move back in after graduation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a safe place to regroup and figure out your next steps. There will be so many years ahead where you will be on your own and financially responsible for everything, so having a bit of a reprieve right now it's totally okay. Number seven. You might be aggravated with family members and others asking you what's next, especially if you don't know yourself first. I want you to consider that most people are just excited for you and want to know what you'll be doing next. It is typically not to antagonize you, but sometimes when we're sensitive about an issue like not knowing our next steps, we can react from that place of insecurity instead of actually responding to the question. So if this has been an issue for you, you might try saying something like I'm taking some time to figure out my next steps. Thank you so much for your concern and well wishes. But if you feel like things are getting out of control, you might want to try enlisting the help of mom or a cousin to let family members know that next steps are not something that you're interested in talking about a number eight, you might be thinking it was all a lie. For years, you've likely been told that if you do A, B and C that it will result in a certain ending. And what happens if that's not true? What if you've graduated and you still have no clue of what you want to do with your life? First, there's a lot of life left and so not having it all figured out at twenty one is really not a huge deal. And even if you have an idea now, it'll be okay to change your mind later. But if you're experiencing distress because you're not sure of what's next, this might be a good time to speak with the therapist to see if that yields some ideas. You might also want to have an appointment with a career counselor to see if there are options you haven't explored. If in your heart of hearts, you know that your path may look a little non traditional, what can you do to support yourself while also pursuing your dream. No one is saying don't pursue it, but you do want to be realistic about having a roof over your head. I also feel like I would be remiss if I did not mention another concern that seems to come up every year around this time. Every year, it feels like there are a few stories about students going missing instead of sharing with their families that they won't actually be graduating. So one, I think that this is an indictment on the culture we establish in our families that a student feels like this is the only way they can turn. But I also want to encourage anyone who's listening who might facing this exact struggle that yes, it may feel overwhelming and disappointing and insurmountable to have gone this far and not been honest with your family, but I promise you they will eventually be okay and you will too. Please do not come up with a grand scheme to avoid telling them the truth or do something to hurt yourself because you feel like you can't handle the truth, and everybody will be irreparably disappointed. Will they be a little hurt and disappointed for a while, Probably, And that's okay. But while participating in the ceremony this year, they have been your goal. You can absolutely graduate later and still have an amazing life. If you're graduating soon and you enjoy this information or you have something to add, please share it with us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session and don't forget to tag our accounts. You can find us on Twitter at Therapy for the Number four be Girls, and you can find us on Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls. If you'd like to continue this conversation, come on over and join us in the thrive tribe, which is the Facebook community for the podcast. You can request to join at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe and don't forget to answer the three questions that it asked. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit the directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take get care I oftor Potter I actor pator I Oftti

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The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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