Session 126: Dealing with a Fear of Rejection

Published Oct 2, 2019, 7:00 AM

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

In today's episode we're digging into the fear of rejection that often stops us from putting ourselves out there. 

 

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M h. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session of the Therapy for Black Girl's podcast. Today, I want to dig into a topic that's been coming up in a few of my conversations online, and that's a fear of rejection. You know what I'm talking about. Your anxiety is so great about not getting the thing or the opportunity that you don't even go after it in the first place. So I wanted to spend some time today unpacking this a little to see if it will help you to do a little digging on your own. But before we happ into this conversation, let's hear a quick word from our sponsor introducing the all new and totally reimagined Ford Explore. It's built for modern exploration, whether venturing across country or simply across town, over various terrains or through rough weather, it's all good. The Ford Explore is specifically designed for comfort, confidence, and a whole lot of style. Ready to explore more Explore the greatest ex floration vehicle of all time, built forward proud. In a few conversations I've had recently, people have expressed concerns around either seeking out certain opportunities or putting themselves out there in terms of dating, And when I ask a few questions, it appears that they're holding back because they're afraid they'll be rejected. Now, of course this is understandable, right, I mean, nobody wants to stand in line to be rejected. But I think it's also important to consider what we might be depriving ourselves of and the world of by not putting ourselves out there in certain situations. So, if this is something that's popping up in your life, here are five questions I want you to consider. Number one, what are you afraid will happen if you don't get this thing. For example, let's say you're considering applying for a promotion at your current workplace. What do you think will happen if you aren't selected for the promotion? Will you lose your current job? Well people think less of you? Will you be embarrassed? What is it that you're so afraid will happen? Sometimes thinking about this and sitting with the answers can give you some clarity about how you might be able to move forward. Question number two, Have you created an identity that is centered around rejection? You will always picked last for the teams in grade school, you didn't get into your first choice for college, and the person you thought would be your person forever broke up with you. Sometimes, when things happen repeatedly in our lives, we begin to overidentify with the circumstance and fold that into who we are. But your rejections are the things that haven't worked out for you aren't who you are. They're simply what has happened in your life. And in the same vein, we are also not defined by our winds and our accomplishments. Our worth is not determined by these things. They are merely the things that happen in our lives? Question number three, are you afraid of what will have to change if you actually aren't rejected? Sometimes our fear of rejection isn't rooted in feeling afraid that we won't get this thing that we want. Sometimes it's rooted in being afraid of what happens if we do get it. Will we get support from the people in our circle? Will we actually be able to perform in this new setting? How will we need to change to really welcome this new opportunity into our life. Sometimes even when we say we want something different, we're not quite ready to make the adjustments that come with this something different, and sometimes that shows up looking like a fear of rejection. Question number four is this something you really want? So the job looks great on paper, it comes with a substantial raise, a corner office, and a fancy title, but it also comes with longer work hours, more stress, and being responsible for a team. So this hesitation you're experiencing and submitting your application, is it really a fear of rejection you're dealing with or is this your intuition gently nudging you to pay attention to your truest desires. Your desire to have more time to work on your creative writing, or to have a flexible schedule so you can travel more. Sometimes what looks like a fear of rejection is really an indication that this may not be the best move for you. In question number five, do you trust yourself? Do you trust that if you go for this thing and you aren't rejected, that you and your environment can write the occasion? And do you trust that if you are rejected you have the resilience, support, and resources to feel the feelings of not getting this opportunity, but then rebound and figure out your next step. The truth for all of us is that we won't always come out on top. There will be some things we desperately want that we don't get, and a very important life skill to develop is figuring out how to process this part of our story without it becoming the entirety of our story. So you let me know if any of these questions resonate with you. Is the fear of rejection currently showing up in your life and stopping you from taking a step you'd really like to take. Be sure to share with us on social media using the hashtag tb G in session and let us know how we can help you to take that first step, and please be sure to share this episode with the people in your circles. Remember that if you're searching for a therapist in your area, be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into this topic and meet some other sisters in your area, come on over and join us in the Yellow Couch Collective, where we take a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C And don't forget to check out our online store where you can grab a copy of our guided affirmation track, break up Journal, or your favorite Therapy for Black Girls T shirt, sweatshirt or mug. You can grab your goodies at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash shop. Thank you all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care. Didn't just would

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The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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