The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
In this week's episode we're chatting about situationships! What you need to know if you're considering one and how to deal with them ending.
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Kay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session one forty one of the airp for Black Girl's podcast. Today, we'll be chatting about some of the intricacies that might come along with being in a situation ship. For those who might be unfamiliar with this term, a situation ship is basically the updated version of friends with benefits. This is someone you're physically intimate with, but for one reason or another, you're not in a committed, monogamous relationship. And while it can be fun in games, there are definitely some things you want to be aware of. So that's what we'll be digging into. Today some considerations on whether a situation ship is right for you, and some tips for managing them. So, the first thing that I think is important when you're deciding about whether a situation ship is a good fit for you is that you have to be really honest with yourself. You know yourself better than anyone, so you know whether or not you're cut out for this type of no strains attached relationship. The next thing I think is important to consider is who this person is. A situation ship with the X you broke up with three months ago might not be the best idea. And this is where I feel like a lot of people go wrong with situation ships. For a lot of people, a situation ship evolves with an X because somebody or both parties isn't quite ready to let go. And I want to warn you that this is where feelings can get really hurt. Let's say your X ended it three months ago, but you'll still been in contact and sleeping together every now and then, but there has been no conversation about whether you're getting back together or what's even happening. And it's likely you're afraid to even ask the questions because deep down you know the truth, they're not interested in resuming the relationship, but y'all are familiar. Sex might be good and it works as long as you don't take it the wrong way. Undoubtedly, before too long, you're gonna have to face the truth about what this situation really is. So I want you to think long and hard about whether an X or someone you've had significant feelings for it is the best person for a situation ship. In terms of being honest with yourself, beyond even deciding who might be a good match for a situation ship, I think it's also really important for you to be honest with yourself about what you really desire. If what you really want is to date someone seriously, don't feel like you have to be in a situation ship just because you think it's all you can find right now, or it feels like it's what everybody else is doing. It's totally okay for you to desire something different if you like. On the flip side, if you found that you're someone who really enjoys situation ships and they work for you, that's okay too. Don't feel pressured to be in something more serious if it's not what you really want. The next thing that's really important in a situation ship is making sure that there is active communication and discussions about expectations and boundary setting. Even though a situation ship might not be a committed, monogamous relationship, it's still a relationship, and in any relationship, communication is important, and it's really important to ask the tough questions. Do you want them spending the night at your place? Are y'all going to act like strangers in public? Do friends know what's going on? What happens when somebody becomes interested in perhaps dating someone else. It's important to be able to express what kinds of things are okay are not okay for you, and vice versa. And it's really important that everyone has an understanding that these things might change, which is why it's important to continue to check in with one another to make sure that you're still on the same page. Another consideration I think is really important to keep in mind is what happens when the situation ship ends. These relationships can run their course for lots of different reasons, and what I found is that a lot of times people are shocked about the magnitude of their feelings about the ending of situation ships, and they don't quite know how to process it, even if you didn't want anything serious. When you're used to being around someone and they've become a part of your life, it's hard when the relationship ends. So first, I don't want you to downplay the validity of your feelings just because it wasn't a committed relationship. Your feelings are still valid, and if it hurts, it hurts, it's okay to give yourself time and space to feel these feelings and to move through them. Another piece that's important in processing your feelings when the situationship ends is finding the right people to support you. This may be complicated, especially if the relationship wasn't something that a lot of people knew about, but it's a portant to find someone who won't make you feel silly for whatever you're feeling, and who can allow you the space to work through whatever you're feeling. If no one in your circle fits the bill, then getting some support from a therapist might be really helpful in processing how you're feeling and giving you some strategies on how to support yourself with your feelings. Finally, I think it's really important for you to note that despite all of your best efforts and all the best communication and boundary setting. Sometimes you thought you were signed enough for a situation ship and somebody changes their minds. Maybe spending time with this person allows you to see us side of them you hadn't before, or maybe they now have deeper feelings for you. The important thing here is to be honest with one another and talk about whether exploring something more serious is something either of you is willing to consider. It may be a no, but the worst thing to do is to pretend as if the feelings don't exist. So I want to know what kinds of things do you consider when deciding whether a situation ship is right for you. Do you have tips on how to set expectations or things you've learned after a situation ship ended. I'd love to continue this conversation with you on social media, so be sure to share your thoughts with us on either Twitter or Instagram using the hashtag tv G in session, And don't forget to share this episode with two of your girls so that they can join us in the conversation as well. If you're looking for a therapist, be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com, slash directory and If you want to continue digging into this topic and meet some other systerms in your area, come on over and join us in the Yellow Couch Collective, where we take a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care,