The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
I had a chance to chat with the one and only Tina Lifford who portrays Aunt Vi on the show and we had an amazing conversation. We chatted about the evolution of Aunt Vi's character and how her journey mimics that of so many of us. We also chatted about giving ourselves space and time to tap into our deepest desires and she shared more about the internal work she's done to allow her to really connect with Aunt Vi's story.
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Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. Today. I have a very special treat that is in some ways a continuation of our episode last week, all about Queen Sugar. I had a chance this week to chat with Miss Tina Lifford, who portrays the character of Aumbai on the show, and y'all, she is incredible. I want to tell you all about it, but first let's show some love to our sponsor, introducing the all new and totally reimagined Ford Explorer. It's built for modern exploration, whether venturing across country or simply across town. Over various terrains or through rough weather, It's all good. The Ford Explorer is specifically designed for comfort, confidence, and a whole lot of style. Ready to explore more. The Explore the greatest exploration vehicle of all time, built Ford Pride. So I had a chance to chat with miss Tina Lifford this week and we chatted all about the evolution of Aunt Vice character and how her journey mimics that of so many of us. We also chatted about giving ourselves space and time to tap into our deepest desires, and she shared more about the internal work that she's done to allow her to really connect with on by a story. And if you are a fan of Queen Sugar and you saw last week's episode, then you know she had an incredible performance, an incredible peak to her storyline, So really talking about her connection was important to me. She has an amazing event coming up this weekend here in Atlanta, and she shared a special discount code just for you at the end, so don't miss out on that. Here's our conversation. So I am joined today by the amazing Tina Lifford, who you all know if you're Queen Sugar fans like I, am places the incredible viye on Queen Sugar. So thank you so much for joining us to day, Miss Lifford. Oh, I am so happy to be here. Thank you so much for making yourself available for this wonderful conversation. Yes, I am so thrilled. Um. So, you know, just in kind of doing the research and finding out more that you are already talking in real life about a lot of the same kinds of things we have been talking about here therapy for black girls. So I want to dig in a little bit and kind of back up and just here from you, how would you describe the evolution that you have seen in aunt BIA's character kind of throughout the seasons that we've seen on Clean Sugar. Yeah, you know, I would. I would say that Vy is in a season of flowering, you know, opening, And when I say season, I'm assuming that this is going to be what her path for the rest of her life. Right, And so when we first met by, she came in a bit more situated in the surface part of her life. You know, definitely you could tell that whigs and and looking good and feeling sexual was definitely part of her makeup. But then we began to see that in addition to that outer presentation, there is this soulful woman in there, you know, And this soulful woman cares, and in her caring, she cares so much and has such a sense of I don't just I don't think that she considers her family just a responsibility. Her family is more than a responsibility to her. Her family is her life. Her family is love. Her family is the extension of her love for her brother, you know. And so she comes to the table wanting to honor her brother, wanting to honor these really wonderful young people in front of her, who clearly have great potential but also need, you know, to get some stuff together. And she doesn't come thinking about herself. But I think that that moment in the high Yellow, when her successful girlfriends are meeting or seeing her for the first time in years and assuming that the high Yellow belongs to By, and By has to admit that she's, you know, a worker. She can't even really say she's the general manager. She's just like d waitress sort of. You don't see it on her face all that much, but inside that was a wake up call because she knows that she's more than that. Mm hmmm, and there was something in that moment that sort of helped turn the trajectory of her life into a little bit more of an inward glance. I love that you were able to kind of pinpoint like the point at which the character's life took a turn right, because I do think, and we talked about this in last week's podcast episode, it does feel like there has been much more of an internal focus from by this season and kind of making sure that she is setting boundaries and really doing a better job of taking care herself. And so I know that that's a struggle that women outside of these characters have as well. So can you speak to that a little bit about what that might look like? Yeah, well, um, now when you saying what that might look like, let let me understand what you mean by that. What like, what kind of strategies maybe could you offer for women in real life to kind of do more that taking care of themselves and kind of an internal focus so that they are taking care of themselves so they can continue taking care of family and loved one. So I'm going to tell you that Tina Lifford has this this belief and you know, for all of your listeners here here's something that I feel is undeniable. If in fact, we really begin to look at our lives and life in general from a more observers perspective, we will see a lot of stuff that we haven't seen because our focus has been so you know, in the woods of it all. And one of the things that I actually write a nice riff about this in my play The Circle. One of the things that I noticed is that when a woman hits like thirty seven, thirty eight, there's a change, It begins to happen, and I language it like this that somewhere around that thirty eight, getting close to forty uh mark, we realize that all the things that we have placed all of this attention on as a way of getting to happiness, the man, the job, the money, the kids, the bank account, the cars, all of a sudden there is still something missing. And you're like, what is that? And you realize that all of those external things don't address the greatest yearning, and that yearning is to be connected to yourself, and that wake up. It's a hard one because you've given forty years to doing it the way you thought you were supposed to do it, and now you've got it all and something is still missing, and that missing becomes even greater because you've got all the things that you thought we're going to fill it. So you're a little confused, your little piste off, your little a lot of things, and then that forces you to begin to at least have the big question mark of Okay, so what is this? And that's a very important place to be in the what is this? Because the what is this opens us UH to now being available to answers and discoveries outside of our UH mindset and our former ideas about ourselves in life. So that will opening becomes huge. And then when you cross over fifty, it's like, now you know that time is no longer this it'scountable, time is accountable, and time is running out, and now you really know that you want to get some of you done in this lifetime. And so I feel that the one of the greatest moments in our lives is that moment of discomfort where we say I got it all and I still ah Acknowledging that place is huge because it takes us on the journey to that inward journey that most of us haven't known about. I mean, up until now, you know the position and the mindset around therapy, and so many particularly our community and communities of of color, or I can't speak to other communities of color, but where African Americans are concerned, you know what what our taboos have been around this, you know. So getting to that is a really good thing. And I want to say that to listeners. Being in that place of frustration and wanting more and not understanding how everything that you have is not enough, that's a good thing. And then the next the next step is the next you know, sort of powerful uha is to actually want something that hasn't anything to do with the outside the moment we start wanting something from the inside. Okay, So I want freedom from from this way in which I always react, you know, or I want I want just a little more peace in my life, dog on it, or I want I want to just take a deep breath. Having a desire that is connected to the self and the awakening of the self, whether you label it that or not, is a huge first step because then of and I don't have another word for it. If you have a term, please share it. But then that mystical aspect of life kicks in. You know, there is a connection between our desires and what manifests in our lives. There is an undeniable connection between our thoughts and our experiences, and we just haven't been thinking about the inward journey. So the moment we go up I want more, that opens up for ignits that mystical relationship, and we begin to meet people turned to podcasts like Therapy for Black Girls, and we we turn on the TV and we see something that begins to be part of that journey that is going to help us quiet that and let us be present to that internal want that we've never even given voice or focus too. Yeah, And I think that there is a certain freedom that we only get to that kind of a place when we really allow ourselves the space and the time and the energy to do some of that that you're talking about, right, Because when you're just going, going, going, you don't ever recognize, maybe sometimes until it's too late, that there's this whole piece of disconnection with yourself and your true desires that might be missing well, or, as in the case of our VI, VI didn't some and take that inward glance right, It was that need for the inner glance was triggered and sometimes that's how it happens, you know, we we I think Oprah said, once you know that, first it comes as a whisper, then it comes, you know, as a loud voice, and next it's a brick up aside the head, right. And I think un I got there, uh with the brick strategy. She she did. She she had things in place, you know, her ducks were in a row. And that's why she, you know, keeps her eye on everyone in the family as as closely as she does because as long as everything that she loved out there was in place, she felt that she had a handle on her life. But that brick was Noah's book, right, Yes, and that triggered the at inward glance. And I don't even really think that v has yet to truly embark upon the inward glance. I think that the brick and her really understanding that she had to confront Jimmie Dale, I think that that is going to open the door for her to be a little more introspective from this point forward. Okay, So it's interesting that you just feel like she's just getting there, because it felt like she had been getting there all season, right, It felt like she had been asking for more what she needed in terms of space. You know, she created this very firm boundary with Novah saying you really hurt me and I just don't feel like I can kind of be in this with you anymore. But you're feeling like we have so much more to see from buy now that this has happened. Well, well, you know, it's it's tricky because Tina Lifford and By are two different entities. And what's fascinating is Vibe really does live her own life. I Mean, there are times when Tina Lifford, the actress, you know, walks on the set with an idea of how the scene is going to go, and By is like, oh, no, that's not it, that's not how I feel, that's not where I'm going, right, And then Vibe sort of takes over and I find myself, as By, in a much more authentic place for By, you know, and Tina Lifford has done a lot of work on herself, a lot of work on herself. So for me, uh, just based upon what you said in the ways in which I feel that Jimmy Dell triggered so much internal confusion that Vibe was forced to just try she needed all of her energy to just be present to the storm that was happening inside of her. I don't. And when I say present to it, she doesn't know how to figure this out. You know, she didn't. She didn't have that experience and then go to you. You know, she didn't. She there's a storm inside and she doesn't know what to do and it is. What she does know is that it has required all of her resources because otherwise she's gonna go crazy. Yeah, And it feels like even if we back up a bit, like we're describing Jimmy dale As in the book as the brick up side in the head, but it feels like maybe the loud voice was even land season with the loopus, right, So that was the beginning of her having to relinquish some of all of the controls she thought she had and kind of like surrender to this new process. That's a very good point. That's a very good point. But I feel like there's a difference between a conscious you know, commitment and interested and interests in the internal journey versus literally just trying to manage the overwhelmed and doing It's almost like having your skin be so sensitive that you just you can't have anybody touch you. Well, her distance from Needing, distance from Hollywood and Nova. I don't know that it was because she was taking care of herself. She just didn't She can't be touched right this moment because it's so big, m and you know, I don't write it. So we'll see, we'll see where the writers are gonna go with it. But I I feel that she took a breath on those steps, right, and then she took another breath with Nova. She took three breaths, breaths, deep breaths between standing in front of Jimmie Dale and then on the porch at the end with Nova, right, she took three breaths. I don't know. I think that those breaths are at the beginning and that she will be able to invite more into her life through those breaths. And that's more awareness. I mean, you know, Vye has some strong lines that have been drawn. You know, she puts people in boxes very quickly. Well, she certainly hasn't tackled any of that stuff right, right, So I think that in order for Bye to flower and become um and ever more full iteration of herself, the us of Jimmie Dale has been popped. That boil has been popped, It is drained, it is humoring, and now there are the habits that came along with all of the managing around that pain that will have to be sort of unwrappled. Yeah. Yeah, and we definitely, you know, we've been talking about this scene from last week's episode with by on bias confrontation of Jimmy Dale at his house and that kind of thing, and it just felt like such a powerful scene, Like that whole thing. I think you were just phenomenal throughout that episode, but it did make me curious about like the work that you have to do, as Tinma Lifford to get prepared to kind of pull off such I think, an emotionally evoking kind of experience like that. Can you talk a little bit about your process there? I can't. I can't. I would say that my whole interest in what I have labeled inter fitness, right um my and inner fitness comes from three three main sources. You know. I I say that we all have anxiety fear, you know, her drama trauma that's unresolved, and I had in the fifth grade um a debilitating experience with stage fright and it created inside of me a pattern that literally, when the phone ring ring and and there was an audition, I would go into a panic attack. You know. Um, I would have great anxiety to the point that my hands would shake trying to put my makeup on. And the blessing is that there, and there are lots of blessings in this experience. For me, the blessing is that I I was reared with a true spiritual footing, and so that spiritual footing made me no, not just believe, but no, that I was not here to suffer, that we are not here to suffer, that suffering comes with living, but that our purpose was bigger than that. And because of that, I knew enough to want to be free of this thing that was a very habituated pattern at this point, and I set out to be free. And freedom has been a journey. And in that journey I had to look at and discover all kinds of things and I had to you know, I have always said that I'm not a crier. I don't really cry, right, But in the journey to freedom, I learned to cry, and I learned to be present with inner confusion and pain. And what I discovered in that was two really important things, along with a bunch of other stuff. I learned that being able to be present to my own discomfort and pain gave me insight to everyone else on the planet. It allowed me to be able to finally be in someone's presence who didn't have it all together, you know, like I had it together, like I thought I had it together, And instead of being irritated by their own messiveness, I could be compassionate because I had truly taken that inner gland, become comfortable with my own and learned really valuable strategies for moving beyond it. So it made me a better human being and made me better allowed me to be better in being with other people, right, um. And so I have been delving in indeed dealing with human emotions um through workshops, through uh A program, a two year program called Spiritual Psychology, where literally you'd be in a room of three to five hundred people in different processes who would be doing their own inner work, you know. And I became really familiar with and comfortable with the human condition. And here's the discovery. No matter what your thing is, pain is pain and feeling it is the same for everyone. And so I know by right, and I know what it means to struggle with awakening because I was there, And I know what it means to have something triggered inside of you that you don't know how to deal with, and the frustration and the pain and the world wind and the overwhelmed that comes with that. So I have not been abused, but I know we all have been limited by something. Yeah, we all have allowed some some event in our lives to stand over us and abuse us, make us feel small, make us feel incapable, make us feel not good enough. And I just tapped on what I'm tapped into what I know. Yeah, I feel like say, such a beautiful preview of the work that. So, you have an event coming up this weekend here in Atlanta. It is your Atlanta stop of the Inner Fitness Outer Beauty Tour. So give us an idea of what people can expect if they come to the event this weekend. Yeah, so the Interfinness Outer Beauty Tour. I'll tell you that. Um, the whole idea behind it is us having a fun way to step into greater ownership of ourselves and our power. And we've talked about the inward glance, well, what I know for sure in my life at this point is that having a powerful intention for your life transforms everything. That when you can set an intention for what you want, you absolutely create this um cosmic magnet that helps to draw it to you. Now, what we what we don't learn is that you know, you can set an intention for external things, and you can set an intention for internal things. And so we're going to start the day. It's actually under the umbrella of disrupting the status quo, because the way things have been done up until now in our lives is not is not the way that we need to do them going forward, and so disrupting the status quo means that we are willing to absolutely have a whole new, more powerful, more fulfilled, more awakened, more uh a, you know, experienced iteration of ourselves come forward. And we can do that simply by saying, Mmm, I don't know if I have to do today the way I did yesterday. Right, So that's the whole premise behind the Inner Fitness Out of Beauty Tour, and we're going to actually walk through setting an intention. Everyone will will set their own intention so that no matter how many people are in the room, this moment is your moment to setting intention. And I have realized that for me and all the intention setting that I've done in my life, I make sure that there are five components, you know, present in whatever intention I set. So I'm going to share that, and you know people will set their powerful intentions for themselves. We will go from that to understanding how when we move into the world with these intentions, how to incubate them and nurture them. And then we're going to just allow ourselves. I have a really wonderful uh I call it a gutty of a dance, but it really one side jobs song and dance. It will be playing in your head and it will be supporting you and disrupting those old ways of being and making room for something new. And they were actually going to have a conversation around sex and sexuality, because you know, we are our sexual beings and I don't right this moment whatever your idea of sex and sexuality or what I might be saying is about whatever your idea might be, We're going to invite you to leave room for a new, bigger idea, and then we're going to um. I've invited on a hawk who is this wonderful yoga teacher. Now we're not doing yoga because we're gonna be in chairs and seats, but on A is going to show us how to in the car wherever we are, take that moment that is needed to bring us back to ourselves. And then we're going to turn to my stylists. And if you don't follow Jay Bolan, then you should because he is mastiful at what he does. And we love we love looking good, we love feeling good. And when we do the inner work, that gives us permission to again disrupt the status quo on the outside. And so who are you today? Not? Who have you been up until now? Well? How might that impact you the next time you go to your closet? How might that impact you the next time you walk into a meeting? And so we are going to take a look at fashion in through the lens of our awakening self and um dressing our spirit, owning our style, and loving our body. And that's going to be our very I think it's a short day because my retreats are like three days, right, So this is going to be the doors open at nine o'clock and tennis clock Shark. We will get started and the day will end very close to three o'clock and then we have vendors and the whole intention is for us to bond in the idea of what's possible for our lives. Oh my gosh, this sounds amazing, like a transformational experience. I think it will be incredible. Yes, yes, I want it to be. That is my intention. I don't know how you can walk away from and not feeling just open to the possibilities and thinking new things that could be happening in your life. Yeah. Yeah, Well, thank you so much for sharing that information with us to day, Miss Lifford. I do hope that you, if you're in the Atlanta area, you will be able to make it out because it definitely sounds like an experience that won't me don't want to is it? What? People should go to www dot Tina Lifford dot com and sign up, and uh, I don't know if if in fact you I want to offer your listeners something, What should I offer your listeners? Um? Okay, So if you're listening to this on September, the Tina Liftford inter Fitness Outer Beauty Day Tour for the first shall we say ten people or shall we say twenty. Let's say twenty. That was wonderful on your part. So the first twenty people who sign up mm hm, the first person who signs up will be admitted free and and the next night team will be half price. Love it. And here's here's how we're gonna do that. So the first person who here's this we're going to say, the person who uses t b G one will get in free, okay, and then the people who use t b G and so we have off, thank you, will get half off. Perfect. What a treat. Thank you so much excites me. That excites me fantastic. How excited about that? I'm excited because there's so much there's so much more that I look forward to us talking about with regards to, you know, therapy for black girls and just how how important the work that you're doing in the world is. It is super important, and I just want to say thank you, thank you. I appreciate you, thank you. All right, So if you're listening to this, definitely hop off and go and grab your tickets so that you can be in the number at her Atlanta stop. Now, are there other cities that you have planned? Well, we already have been in Chicago and Ston, uh, Houston and uh New York in March is on the table. Okay, yeah, okay, so for right now and this is the only stop that you have to look forward to Atlanta and keep your eyes open for New York and March. That's right. Well, thank you so much for spending your time with us. To David Stifford, I really really appreciate it so very much. Loco good face, isn't she just everything? I love what she had to say about paying attention to those moments in our lives and really making space for our truest desires. If you're in the Atlanta area and you're available this weekend, you'll definitely want to check out her Inner Fitness, Outer Beauty tour. As a reminder, I will be in conversation with Dr Key Hallman, the incredible founder of the Village Market h L on Sunday, September two at five thirty pm, and we'll be chatting all about prioritizing our mental health as black women business owners and how taking care of ourselves helps us to thrive in life and in business. So please come out and join us for this very important conversation. You can grab your tickets at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash dr key, and that information, of course, will be in the show notes. Remember that if you're searching for a therapist in your area, be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into this topic and meet some other sisters in your area, come on over and join us in the Yellow Collective, where we take a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C and don't forget to grab all of your goodies from our online store. You can find our guided affirmation track, breakup journal, or your favorite Therapy for Black Girls t shirts or MUDs. You can shop at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash shop. Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care,