A Few Things to Consider

Published Nov 21, 2018, 8:00 AM
In this week's episode I shared my thoughts about all of the unsolicited advice Black women seem to get about who we need to be to be partnered and how we should be in partnerships and offered 7 things for you to consider in making your own decisions about your relationships.

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Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls Podcasts, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. And while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me for session eighty four of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcasts. In the past week or so, I've seen a couple of videos, memes, and discussions that have truly just gotten on my nerves. I'm really tired of so many different people trying to tell sisters what we need to do to get a partner, how we should be in a partnership, and all of the things that we're doing wrong and that's why we can't find a partner. I'm trying to make this therapeutic for y'all, but truthfully, this may be a little bit more like a rant, because not only am I bothered by seeing people push these kinds of narratives on us. I'm really saddened when I see sisters buying into and internalizing some of these messages. So I just want to offer you seven things to consider so that you can make your own decisions about relationships. Number one, you are not responsible for raising or rehabbing your partner. Will there be some things that both of you struggle with and can help each other with during the course of your relationship. Of course, it's very likely and totally fine to do that. But choosing or staying with a partner who doesn't treat you the way that you want to be treated, puts their needs before yours always and generally is not reciprocal in the relationship is not a requirement. Number two, partnerships typically work best when both parties are thinking about how to be the best they can in the relationship, So be careful of any advice that only talks about what you need to do and offers no ideas about how your partner can be better in the relationship or what they need to do. Number three, think carefully about whether it's praised when your partner commends you for putting up with their stuff. Is this a case of loyalty gone too far? And is this something you're really proud of? How much did you actually lose in the process of supporting them. Number four, What worked for one person in finding a partner may not be the same thing that works for you, and that's okay. Likewise, what works for one person's partnership may be very different than what works for you. Hashtag relationship goals are best set between you and your partner, not by what's trending on Instagram. Number five. Be careful about accepting unsolicited advice from people who don't have all the story and whose motives may be just a little bit questionable. A lot of times, the advice given may be what's best for them, but not what's best for you. Number six, work hard at choosing yourself so that a partnerships feels complementary and not necessary. Develop hobbies, develop strong friendships with your girls, and develop a real sense of who you are before partnering a Number seven, you are lovable, worthy, and totally amazing, regardless of your relationship status. Having a healthy partnership if that's what you choose, can be great, but it doesn't define you. Or make you more worthy, even though that's what society would have us to believe. So, like I said, these are just a few things to consider, but I'm curious to hear what else you would add to the list. Share them with me on social media using the hashtag tv G in session. And y'all know, it's a holiday week, so we have plenty of time to have a really lively conversation about all of this. Don't forget that this is the last week for you to grab the early bird pricing to join us in the Yellow Couch Collective. The price will go up on Tuesday of next week. So if you want to take some of the topics that we discuss here on the podcast to the next level and develop some really supportive relationships with other sisters, this is your chance to do that. You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. We just hit a thousand therapists in the directory, so I'm very excited about that and really excited that we're always adding new therapist. So if you've lived before. You didn't see someone in your area, it may be a good idea to revisit now, and don't forget to grab some swag like a T shirt or a mug or a sweatshirt from our TBG merchandise store. You can do your shopping at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash shop. I hope that y'all have a great holiday week doing exactly what you want to be doing with your time. Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take you care. Actor a oftor p ator

Therapy for Black Girls

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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