5 Lessons I've Learned From Podcasting

Published Mar 27, 2019, 7:00 AM
It's a celebration y'all! We're celebrating 100 episodes of the podcast and I shared 5 lessons I've learned from podcasting that just might help you too. 

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Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, it's a party. It's a party. It's a party. Thank y'all so much for joining me for session one hundred of the Therapy for Black Girls podcasts. I cannot believe we're here, y'all. One hundred times I've come into the booth also known as my closet, to record this podcast that has become such an amazing part of my life and work. I'm so thankful for each of you who listen and share the podcast in your circles. It truly would not be what it is without y'all. So from the bottom of my heart, I am forever grateful to you. I'm also incredibly thankful to my amazing producer A k A, my husband, who has supported this idea from day one and helps me out with editing the show every week no matter how much I get on his nerves. I definitely couldn't have done this without him. So I thought that episode one hundred was a perfect time for me to share some of the lessons I've learned from podcasting that I think many of you will find helpful as well. So here we go. Lesson number one, It really is important to feel the fear and do it anyway. If I hadn't started the podcast almost two years ago, I likely would not have had some of the amazing opportunities that I've had. I've had the chance to meet and talk with students at campuses across the country. I've made in strengthened relationships with colleagues who are doing great work in our community. I had the chance to appear as a co host on MTVS Team Mom, and I've been featured in some pretty cool publications, all because I didn't let my fear about how my voice sounds and how it would be perceived by others get bigger than my need and want to share important information with y'all. There are probably some of you listening right now that have amazing ideas for blogs and podcasts or documentaries and stories, and you're feeling too afraid to put it out there. And I get it, y'all. The anxiety is something serious. But I also want you to consider how are you going to feel two years from now when you're still sitting on that idea and haven't done anything with it. Will you be full of regrets? Will you be beating yourself up with shoulda, would a kultus? Or will you be able to say, I did that and it turned out incredible, or I did that and it didn't quite work out, but here's what I learned from it. Either way, you would have tried, and I think dealing with things that didn't work out it's far easier than dealing with regrets that you never even tried. And I know you wanted to be perfect. You feel like you have to get the perfect camera, you need a great outline, you need buy in from all of these people before you start. But I will share with you something that someone told me as I was writing my dissertation. Done is better than perfect. Start where you are and keep going and rowing. If you go back and listen to episode one of this podcast, it sounds drastically different from today's episode. But I could not have gotten to episode one hundred if I never released episode one, and you won't either. So go and do the thing that you are so persistently avoiding. And this leads itself perfectly to the second lesson that I have learned from podcasting, which is that somebody needs to hear what you have to say. I can't tell you how many emails and messages I've gotten from y'all that share how one of these episodes felt like exactly what you needed to hear at the time, or that you made big changes in your life based on something that you heard in one of these episodes. I want you to know that I don't take these messages for granted. So when I start to feel anxious about what I have to say or how it will be received, I remember y'all and the impact that this information is having on your lives, and I continue to show up. Years ago, I worked with an incredible business coach, Maya Elias, and I will never forget what she said in one of her classes. She said, your message comes through you but it is not for you, which to me means that I need to get out of my own way and get out of my head and let whatever message needs to be shared get to whoever needs to hear it. And I hope that you'll consider that too. When you take yourself out of the center of whatever it is and make it about who needs to hear your message, then your anxiety may decrease. You may become less afraid and nervous to share, because you can trust that if you just keep showing up, the people that need to hear what you have to say will hear you less than number three you deserve to take up space. For a while, I resisted the idea of being seen as an expert or go to per and related to black women's mental health. I wondered if I knew enough, or whether there was someone else more qualified than me. And what I've learned is that none of that matters. Of course, there are people who know more than me and can talk more eloquently about certain topics, But what no one else has is my history and the particular set of circumstances, training, and experiences that I have had thus far in my life. And that's what really matters that I show up and share my truth as I know it. So while I may not know everything, I do know a lot, and I'm committed to always learning more. And I hope that you'll embrace this as well. Feel comfortable speaking from wherever you find yourself. Now. I know that there's lots more to learn, but that doesn't mean that what you have to share right now is any less valuable less than number four. Your critics might be loud, but your supporters are even louder. So I've already shared how touched I am to get such sweet emails from y'all about how this work has impacted you. But I also have to share that sometimes I get some not so sweet messages. And I'm not talking about the messages where people will respectfully disagree with something I've said, or they have feedback about a particular topic that's really helpful. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about the messages that are just mean for no reason. Now, i'd be lying to you if I said that these don't throw me because they always seem to come out of nowhere. But after I work it out with my girls in the group chat, I'm able to come back to the fact that for every one of these messages, there are twenty other messages that are affirming and beautiful. And that's what I have to stay focused on. Even though it's very easy to get pulled into questioning everything. After you get a not so kind message, you have to shake it off and focus on the people that matter. I know many of you have heard me say this before, but when these kinds of things happen, this is when I go to my girl you did that volder. This is where I keep all of the kind messages and other stuff that reminds me of why this work is important, and that even if I get some hate mail every now and then, I have to keep going. So I want you to know that when you start to share your message and your ideas in a larger way, there will be some people who don't like it and they don't want to hear what you have to say. But don't let that stop you from showing up for the people that do. They are your why and then less At number five, stay curious and open to the process. When I started the podcast, I wasn't at all sure of what I was creating. I just knew that I love listening to podcasts and thought it would be a cool way to share mental health information with y'all. I didn't expect for it to take off and of ways that it has, or for it to open as many doors as it has. But because I didn't really know what I was doing, it has allowed me to just remain curious about how it all unfolds and to celebrate the process. I think sometimes we get so incredibly attached to the outcome of a project or endeavor that we start poking and prodding and shaping and molding until the thing becomes unrecognizable. So if there's something that you're starting and preparing to offer to the world, try to stay open to how it will evolve, because your ideas for it may be way more limiting than the actual potential of whatever it is. So stay cognizant and provide guidance, but don't forget to give its space to breathe. So these are the five lessons that I've learned from podcast thing that I hope can either help you right now if you're embarking on something new, or in the future when you release more of your greatness into the world. I know we haven't had any listener questions in a minute, but we will be bringing back our on the Porch segment of the podcast, So if you would like my feedback about something going on in your life, or you have a follow up question related to something you hear on the podcast, please be sure to send those to me by email at podcasts at Therapy for Black Girls dot com and it just might be answered on air. So we do have two questions that we will dig into you today. Question No. One, how do you truly stop caring what others think about you? And I know that this is something that probably lots of people struggle with, so I'm really glad that one of our listeners submitted this. So I'm not really sure that we need to completely stop caring about what other people think, because it definitely can be helpful to have feedback about how we come across in certain situations and an awareness of how we are perceived. I think the issue comes when we care so much about what other think that we allow their thoughts to be louder than our own, or when we allow fear about what other people think to dictate how we feel and behave. The danger with this is that there will never be a finishing line. So you do one thing because you think it will please your mom, and then you do something else because you think that's what your partner wants, and then it just becomes a never ending cycle of trying to become what everybody else wants and completely losing sight of what you want for yourself. So I would encourage you to start taking small steps in the direction of what truly feels like a fit for you and then see what happens. Does other people's feedback about what you did feel so overwhelming that you regret your decision or is it just a little annoying for you to hear? Sometimes I think we work ourselves up worrying about how things will turn out, and then the reality of the situation is far less dramatic. So I'd say try something out, see what happens, and then see how you feel about it. It may be that you're always a little uncomfortable with other people's thoughts about you, but you also might be able to get to a place where it doesn't feel overbearing for you and you can still feel like you're being true to yourself. So I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes, and then question Number two. My best friend has bipolar disorder. She also has depression. The problem is over a year ago, she borrowed three hundred and forty dollars for me so that we could see Beyonce on the run to She promised to make regular payments, but that didn't happen while she already owed me that money, I also booked a vacation for a group of friends and her portion was another four hundred dollars. In the years since she's owed me money, her payments have been highly irregular and small amounts. Whenever I talked to her about it, she mentions her anxiety and depression, but promises to do better. We live in differnt states, so text message is our primary form of communication. Lots of times when I text her, she doesn't respond. She very frequently posts on Instagram and other social media, so the fact that I know she's on her phone using Instagram but not responding to my text makes me feel like she's ignoring me. I've been very patient, but I honestly feel like she is using her mental health as an excuse. She has the mental capacity to go out to parties, events, happy hours, etcetera, but not enough to text back her best friend that she owes hundreds of dollars to. It also seems like she thinks I'm made of money. I am not. Long story short, my question is how can I approach her firmly without putting her mental health in jeopardy? Also, do you think it's possible that she's using her depression as an excuse My feelings are hurt and I need my money back. So it is obvious that you have lots of very strong feelings about this, and rightfully so. Listener um, So, first, I would strongly encourage you to consider not loaning any more money to this person, as it seems like they have some difficulty holding up to their end of the bargain. Secondly, I'm not quite making the connection between how her mental health concerns are connected to her ability to pay you back. I'm not sure if her health has resulted in her not being able to work as much and maybe she doesn't have the money to pay you back or what. But I don't think you should spend so much energy worrying about the why, but instead focus on what you do know, which is that she has not paid you back, so it's impossible for us to know whether she's using her mental health as a cover, but the fact remains that she has promised on several occasions to pay you back and has not. I'd encourage you to maybe have one final conversation with her about how hurtful this has been to you and how you see it impacting your friendship, and to ask her very plainly, if she has the capacity to stick with a regular payment plan that would allow you to recoup your money. I think that her answers to that question and then her follow up or lack thereo in terms of paying you will give you great information about whether this is a friendship you can continue with even if you never get your money back, or whether this feels like a deal breaker for you. Good luck with this conversation, and again, let me know how this goes. So if you have any questions you like my feedback about, be sure to send them to me at podcast at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. Don't forget that if you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure to check out our directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory, and remember to visit our online store where you can grab a T shirt, sweatshirt, a copy of our breakup Journal or are guided Affirmation. You can shop at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash shop, and if you love what you hear on the podcasts and really want to put into practice some of the things we discussed here, join us over in the Yellow Couch Collective at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week and for rocking with me for one hundred episodes. I look forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care, um um,

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The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a license 
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