Ron meets with Peter McIndoe to discuss the fact that Birds. Aren't. Real. Then, up and coming Tim Heidecker joins him to preview some of his latest standup. It's timely, and frankly, the freshest comedy we’ve heard in 100 years.
He's a sexy, sexy man with a sexy sexy plan because he ain't no stuck us. Look, it's so fun. You could try like a truck clean like a plan. You can solid yunger fool, We'll try so we never gets a dye. Say so far ticking up a lot of band wins. And he's a guy. Ye he ain't no stand and he doesn't have cheese on a nighttime sandwich because everybody knows he's a burget de bandit The Ron Burgundy Podcast, Why High Run California? Thank you? Oh my, that was lovely. That's invigorating right there. It's exciting. Yeah, really great. I'm Ron Burgundy if you if you, I didn't know that, and uh this, I'm joined by the lovely Carolina here. Ah. I like those boots, thank you. They're like kind of combat boots, right because you mean business tonight. I'm not messing night. It's going to be a war. No, I wouldn't say that. I just I thought they were kind of between you and me. No. No, okay, we're cool? Are we? I think we're cool? Okay me too? Yeah, we're cool? Are you people cool? Is everyone? Thank you? Guys? So much for buying tickets. All the proceeds are going to Save the Children, which is an amazing charity helping families in the Ukraine right now. So we're very happy. Thank you for Largo for allowing us to do that. I gotta tell you White, we literally just got on stage. No, I know you're tired a little bit. I was out all last night, uh way into the morning. I just had a spectacular night. It was I thought we were just going. I left the theater at and I just kept going. And uh, who was that with you? Anderson Peck pretty great guy. It was me Anderson, Dr Dre M and M. He came out, he came out, he flew in from Detroit. Sure, it was oh my gosh, Christine Aguilera and we were just out and carousing around and someone had a convertible laughing. The wind was blowing in our air, and we were You said you were going home, that no one was hanging out Anderson game you call and UH said, hey, you want to make some magic, and I said, let's do it. Uh. You should have been there. You would have loved I wish I was. Yeah, your family was there. I think your mom Denise was there. She was having the best time and just saying, Caroline would love this. A lot of your friends from Malibu. Hi, oh my god. Oh your grandmother was there from Arkansas, from Arkansas. What's your name again? Grandma? But does have a problem now. Her real name is Lou Lou, yes, Lou, and uh, and you guys partied. We just partied, just laughing. Thank god you weren't there, because if you had shown up, it had been like the cops showing up. I don't know Caroline is here. I would have just tried to have fun with everyone. And yeah, but that's what you think is happening, but it's not what's happening. I would have been great to see my grandmother and misses you terribly. She's like Carolina never calls. I didn't even know everyone. I flew all this way to see her. But this is so fun. Thank you, Dr Dre. Are you a real doctor? Um? Yeah, she's not familiar and we're just and we we went to the old spaghetti factory, um, which is abandoned. That's abandoned, but uh it turned in this late night club scene. God. I even got on the ones and twos and let some things rip. And we stayed up till dawn, and then we were all, you know, get a little bush rack and we were driving up through Griffith Park and there was a pregnant dear and it looked like it was in trouble. I said, you guys, she's about to give birth, and we gathered around. I delivered a beautiful baby fawn glistening and it's ambiotic fluid. I saved the umbilical cords supposed to save the court for stem cell research. Yes, um, and it it kind of got its, you know, sea legs, sea legs, right, and then looked at us, winked, and then bounded off into the forest. Son came up, and I swear there was a chorus of angels. Scene. You missed it? Yeah, I mean sorry. I got a phone called here phones. Oh it's a telemarketer. Just keep hanging up and we'll keep going. I know how to handle this, all right. Hello, Ah, Catherine Grenier, just say no, one hang up, yes speaking, it's not What do you think you're doing? What's that? Would I like rain gutters put on my house? Yes? I would just say no absolutely. Credit card number yes, watch this five six two, social Security No, don't don't absolutely to four six, five, seven, three? Uh huh No, Tuesday's great, oh god for my rain gutters. Yes, oh yes, someone will be there. No, thank you, Paul. Uh huh oh my address behind the Bob's Big Boy in Burbank. Mm hmm, it's a bungalow, right, thank you. I okay. So here's what's about to happen. Catherine's going to get a knock on her door. The guy's going to show up to install rain gutters, and she's going to be like, I didn't order these, and they're gonna go ahead and install rain gutters in her house and she's just gonna have to put up with it. I mean, are you cool with your information being out there? Your credit card number and they're probably be charged to your account. But that's just the cost of of putting one over on them. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, But that's I mean, and they call me a lot. So how much do you think your pranks have accumulated over the years. Half a million? That can be worth it. But I've gotten a lot of extraneous work done for a lot of people around the community. They must just be shaking their heads, going, well, I got a brand new screen door. I don't know how, but that's how I lived my life. And that's fun. Everyone having fun. So far, there is some audience participation that we need to get to. All right, listen, we're working on a catchphrase. I don't know how well it's going. I'm gonna be honest about that. We've spent a lot of work, um, but if you guys say it with me, maybe i'll know. So Ron Burgundy show r Bro that's from That's from Scooby Doo. If you were wondering that. It's a placeholder for now, but if I ever hold it up, it would be great if we could all This dog gets in a lot of trouble and for some reason, well he's a dog, but he speaks, is a bit of a speech impediment, and whenever he gets in trouble, he's trying to say it come out, and we thought maybe it could work. And that's just so fun, you guys, when you hear it from where I'm sitting, it's hilarious. So our first guest, this may be the most important person in the world we're about to bring up. Uh, And he's someone I've been following for a while um, he's uncovered the greatest cover up since the moon landing. Oh, he's very he's a very avant garde, dangerous thinker. I'm already it's a voice we need to hear more from. So please, if you'll welcome Mr Peter mcin do Peter mac and do please go bout. Thank you, Peter, Oh wow, thank you, thank you for coming onto the show. Appreciate this. It's a pleasure to be here. It's pleasure to actually have a platform for something. A lot of people never give a platform soon. So I'm very happy to be here. Thank you. I really been following your work and uh, it's it's astounding. It's astounding what you've discovered. And uh, it's very meaningful. It's and it's something this audience needs to be educated on. Um. I want to start off by saying that we offered a voice modulation for this interview, uh so that when it comes out in the podcast, you don't actually hear Peter's voice. But this young man refused, very brave. So I just I'm I'm sorry, I just Uh, when we talked about this, he said I could come share yes, serious information. You said, you're the media man yes, I was telling you the media never lets us have a platform, and since sense to us, here's your platform. Yeah. I just don't want to be laughed at if I'm gonna share stuff. I just I just want to come on and share my truth without being ridiculed people laugh at me in the streets. Uh, I'm sorry, I'm cool. Well, let's just start by. Let's just start by. You have discovered something that birds are not real? Can you elaborate? Yeah? Yeah, I mean all elaborate. Hey, listen, if this, if if even one of you and this audience has awakened tonight, then it's worth it's worth it for me. It's worth it's worth it for me. Um. I'll take good elaborate discovered. Okay, I mean I didn't discover this. I'm the public information officer for a movement called birds Aren't Real. Um. And just to clarify, these m a little goofballs in the front row laughing around. Uh the that's where we usually sit, the goofballs. I'm a normal guy, sure, just like you guys. I'm a normal guy, average Joe. I wake up in the morning, my pants on, on my phone. I struggle with social media. I'm on my phone, and I believe that that every burden this guy is a robot, and that uh is a position I would hope you know by uh, is is kind of like the normal opinion on birds in this nation. So you have uncovered you have uncovered a government plot. UH. Correct me if I'm wrong here. But over the course of decades, the government has has bird deicide killed over sixty to seventy million birds twelve billion twelve government I stand corrected, Yeah, I mean wrong. Yeah, I mean we we've had many good talks about this. Uh. And so that every bird we see is actually a drone. Yeah, I mean, so you know, we we live in a country right where we're told lies all the time. Uh. The mascot of our country is a bald eagle. Every state has a state bird. Uh. The president doesn't talk, he tweets, you know. Um, Okay, it's it's gonna keep being like this, or it's it gonna no, don't don't. They'll get it all right, um. And yeah, I mean basically what happens is quite simple too. Plus they're spying on us constantly. Yeah, I mean the United States government genocide of these birds. Uh. From through two thousand one they put crop dusting airplanes. Is this is literal? Is this a media hit job? I'm not here to be we we gotta give him a little candy to keep him in the game. So just Peter, just go with it. All the birds are spying on us, which makes perfect sense to me. Um, Yeah, I mean we had a really great conversation. Basically, just once you start asking questions, kind of de program yourself from the matrix. Uh, dig a little deep your shovel, um, start digging a lot of stars to unravel. You know, you wonder why human beings can't touch power lines without getting shocked, but birds can sit on all day, all day long, all day long. Hey you, hey guys, instead of a row, can I get why? Yeah? I wonder what's going on? I wonder what's going on there? You got my brain cooking right, and you got the gears turning, You got the grid of law on. Yeah. You know, you start to ask questions and a lot starts to unravel. You know, you start looking at the statistics of bird poop falls on cars, okay, instead of on How did that come? How did that get measured? We have we have independent research. I had a whole team of people. Okay, we have we have a team of independent researchers for I know I volunteered for. It's a little bit like Habitat for humanity. You sign up for cars. It was a great day. You gave us T shirts, We pulled a little vials. I mean, every every morning I have to start my day by washing off my car because the government likes to harass me. I drive. I drive a van around with information on it to share with people. And as I drive around, I always be followed by a flock of birds following over me like like a cloud. And every morning when I when I wake up, U, the van is completely drenched in bird poop. Right, Um, so Ron joined me yesterday morning, right, and you know after I we got his fans to scrub it off together and get into some good and get get into some good conversations. You know. Do you think Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds was one of the first kind of ways to signal to us that things are not right? Yes? Yes, and Mini hidden meeting a lot of metaphors in that movie. There was a lot of metaphors in that movie. I mean, Alfred Hitchcock was a man who I would say was tapped in you know he was he it's over, It's okay. He was a man who sometimes. I mean, listen, I'm not just talking off of cold day done hard statistical facts. Here are you? Are you guys spiritual people? Spiritual? Okay? Yeah? So I I in my dreams every once in a while, Alfred Hitchcock comes to me, um, usually joined by the by the founding fathers, and they all lay hands on me and they say, thank you for what you're doing, for the for what you're doing for this nation. Thank you for what you've done. We're so proud of you. I mean, you don't know what it's like that Benjamin Franklin on his knees in front of you. You know, that's thank you, so thank you so much. Um, that's gotta be a thrill. It's it's a dream. It's a dream come true. In fact, I always you always get that hypothetical question if you could have dinner with any five people, I always start with Benjamin frank All five founding fathers, please, Yeah, I mean I think we can all learn something from them. And people compare us that the birds aren't real. Movement to a conspiracy theory. Do you take hioascar at all? I'm not sure what that is? What is the it doesn't matter. Edward Snowdon comes to mind. How long before you feel you will have to look for asylum in another country? Well, honestly that begs another question because you're onto them. But are they on to you? Oh, They're heavily on to me. I've had assassination attempts. Yeah, I mean a lot of people see the you know, the bird drones as surveillance drones. But bird drones have multiple applications. You know, there's there you know, vultures for instance, or of the public sanitation department. They're keeping the road kill off the highways. Um hummingbirds are attacked drones, and they have led to some of the most traumatic experiences in my life. So please don't. I don't understand why you're laughing. That's why if you if you ever let if a hummingbird ever sneaks into my house, I start screaming like a banshee. Yes, and I used to keep a whistle on me if I saw one, just just to have a loud, shrieking noise let people know. Then I transition thought to take this fight into my into my own hands and started carrying around a little tennis racket from when I saw them coming for me. You know, I could kind of get them right as they were coming through. Um. But I mean, yeah, it's not a fun life being a verge ruler. It's not a life. You know. Sometimes I wish I were. It's like a living hell. There's a heaviness about you. There's a heaviness. You've been here. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not here to joke around. I have to ask about the cowboy hates the cowboy hat. Yeah, why are you not wearing a cowboy hat? I mean, I think you guys think it looks nice. Well, thank you, thank you. I mean I wear it because I think it looks nice. I think I want to look manly. Um. I think it adds to um, you know, kind of my my my, my, my aura as man of the house. Um. But I also wear it because it shields my face. Are you in a house where you need to be the man of the house. I view the world as my house, and I've got to be the man. M hmm. Yeah, but I mean i'd like that on a T shirt. The world is that the world is my house, and I'd like to be the man talk to me about ostriches. Ostriges are running around the African plains and what are they survailing? Ostriches are a scary case, man. I mean I was once. I was once in an alleyway and I got attacked by an ostrich here in Los Angeles. No, this was in Arkansas. Actually, Okay, so they're sending ostriches into Arkansas. Yes, I was. I was in Arkansas. I'm walking down a dark alley. World is messed up, yes, a messed up country. Sometimes I wish I was still ignorant to a lot of this, you know, because I feel like, since I have this information, it's like my more response, it's my moral responsibility to share it with people. Now, Now, Carolina, here is what you might call a skeptic. Yeah, I'm not a fan of those. I saw a pigeon recently, really, Yeah, and a seagull. I just I feel like I see birds pretty frequently. That's super cool. Can you prove to me that they're real? Yeah? Can you prove to him? Yeah? Here, let's just let's do a little experiment right now. Can you prove to me the birds are real right now in this moment, and you grab the picheen and rip its head off to see it if it had I would never do that. Okay, this is my concern this it's just full of circuitry. You are getting on the side so quickly and not too but this information. He's a high i Q individual. Thank you. No one's ever said that, thank you, thank you. I just think this is how kind of a conspiracy theories build. You know, you get like it's okay. I'm just saying, like, you get a small theory that's kind of nebulous, and then people aren't able to poke holes in it because it's so far out. So what do you say to skeptics or what? Don't say it? What do you what do you have to say? All right, I can call her that because she works for me. That's not a rule. That's not a rule. What do you say to people like Carolina with those views? I'll tell you right now, Carolina, I'm so impressed that you're keeping your cool right now. Yeah, trying the best I can. I hope one of you is awakened through this experience and do the word you are sir. Thank you say it's good to have round. Carolina, Listen, I used to be like you. I used to be just like you. I used to be I would. I'm just gonna use the word sheep. You don't skeptical, a skeptic. It's not interchangeable. Uh, Listen, I used to be blind just like you. And I don't look down on you for that. I don't look down on you for for being still in the program alright? For no, is that what like reality is called? Well, I think de programmed individuals such as Ron and myself understand the reality of what's happening in our country right now. Hi, I Q individuals. Well, A lot of professors are are parts of the birds are real movement as you know, a lot of profess scholars, gurus and teachers and all all kinds of former chess champion mm hmmmmm. People who see who see patterns and can crack circles, you know, And that that that that is the majority of the people that take up our our movement, Carolina, listen, see patterns and crack circles, you know. I love your terminology. I love the cut of your jib. I love that hat. You're trumpled up tie and you're cuffed little jeans. Love everything I'm seeing, I love it. I love you too, wrong, I love you too. So there is a government hit out on you right now. There's pretty much always a government hit. You have personal security, you must, uh, you know. I I prefer to take it myself, you know. And I try. I try to give him a hard time. I try to make it hard to find me. I wear this hat, you know, with this it hides my face from You're wearing the same hat every time, though, No, I'm just I would say it could be an instinct of maybe mix up the hats. I was just kind of thinking more in the vein of like, if I can give the intern at the Pentagon, who's watching a live stream of the bird drone, If if I can have them go, oh dang it, you know, once in their day because they can't see me. That Peter guy, I would, Yeah, he's kind of a cool guy, you gotta admit. Sometimes to tournament, I'll look right in the bird's eyes sometimes and I'll say, hello, Hillary, Yeah, I'm gonna start doing that, you know. Yeah, yeah, paracute at home pact. Yes, it's I know that. I use it. Two oh boy, you love that bird. That bird one. Now I'm really questioning coming here in the first place. I think it's a real bird, this one parakey. I think it's the one bird left in that captivity. I mean, listen, run, I I've nursed since it was a little chick. It sounds like, well, what what is its name? Its name is Alexander Hamilton's beautiful name. Yeah, I mean, I don't I don't, you know, look down on you for that. You're my friend. I would never look down on you for that. But um, you know, would highly advise you to think about some things and there could still be real birds. I mean, listen, we love birds, you know, we we love real birds. That's the one thing people planet their love of birds. Yes, yes, let's talk about conspiracy theories in general. Of course, you know, some theories are crazy. We know. We know Hollywood elites eat babies, that's a fact. Uh. We know tacos were invented by pepto bismo, uh to increase sales for diarrhea diarrhea medication. In other words, so you get diarrhea, so you gotta buy the pepto bismo, is what I'm trying to say. But then there's some crazy ones too. Uh, faulty voting machines come to mind. I mean, how do we fight for truth in a world where truth is losing its grip? You're asking me, yes, well, I'm looking at you and we'll listen. I don't know, honestly, as you're saying all those I don't like, I don't know. There's sort of this affiliation. People like to group us up with conspiracy theories when I would prefer the term of facts based organization. You know something. Uh, we're not We're We're nothing like those whack jobs, you know. I mean, and hey, you know if you if that's you, that's you. But it's just we don't. I don't speak on anything I can't prove in a court of law, and everything that I'm bringing to the tap of everything we've talked about would definitely stand up in the court of law. Right now, I mean, yeah, I think you're happy to be your first witness on the stand, just so you know, thank you for that. It might come to that eventually. Yeah, I'm ready, I hope. So. Yeah. I mean, I on the question of ruth, if I had to say anything about it, I would just say do your own research. You know, turn off, turn off your TV, take it all down, do your own do do do your own research. Uh specifically on I get all my information from a website called birds Aren't Real dot com. That is a is a great site to go on. It's my primary source for information on the internet. There's the information about gatherings, pot lucks, Acoustic Guitar Munity build. Yeah. Yeah, I mean we have something called the ber Brigade that is our boots on the ground activism network across the nation. You know, we have members and elders. Ron just joined. He's just a member, uh but uh, you know one day he'll be an elder in our ranks. Um. And you know, we're looking not just to spread the word, but we're looking, you know, for people to ask their own questions. And hey, not just take my word for it tonight, you know, not not just hear me saying birds aren't real tonight and then go home believe in it, because you make the same mistake that you made when you thought birds were real in the first place. You know, you just heard somebody say something and accepted it. So I just want people to ask their own questions. I think the more that happens, the close to read the truth in this country. Let me give you a list right here. Atlanta Falcons, Philadelphia Eagles, Seattle Seahawks, Chicago Blackhawks. St. Louis Cardinals, Baltimore Orioles, Toronto Blue Jays, Arizona Cardinals, Pittsburgh Penguins, Anaheim Ducks, New Orleans Pelicans, Toronto Raptors. What's up with all these burgs? Does that make your blood boil when you look at all these teams with these insidious names? Do you just say they're piles of human garbage? And this is how I know that you're so smart, is because you see the pro bird imagery and the propaganda that's all over this country. It's out of control. It's out of control. Every state has a state bird. There. You've mentioned that there's a lot of college teams with birds. Yeah, and you have to ask yourself, Okay, why why they do they actually do think that we're that dumb? I mean, think about my migration for instance. You know, one of the dumbest concepts of all time, doesn't make any sense at all. Yet as a society, people have come around you, the government, the common course, school teacher, system is teaching people that an entire species of animal leaves its natural habitat for an entire half of a year each year and then comes back just get their jollies to just go, yeah, it gets it gets too cold form here, they go closer to the equator. Uh, and they come back, and they come back to a habitat that they're gonna have to leave again in six months. So do you think that has something to do with like weather? Not at all. I think I'll tell you exactly what's going on. And I love the I love that you're asking these questions. Why are you looking at me like that you know what? I should stay out of it? I love No, I love that you're asking these questions. It has nothing to do to do with weather. It's actually the way the government swaps out old bird drowne models with new bird drowsy So we have this pie. I didn't prove anything. They gotta they gotta, they gotta fix the old models, okay, okay, And meanwhile the whole country is like the birds are gone again for six months, just like just like normal. I don't know anyone saying that, but I've you're not hanging around the same circle. As I am walking walking through the streets, I hear a bird obsessed country. Yes, yes, it's true, especially with all the hot chicken places now, we're really obsessed. So if birds aren't, if I'm eating a hot chicken sandwich, what am I eating? If that's not burden meat? Is that some sort of I don't know. Ron. Have you heard of a little something called the impossible Burger? I have not. Do you have any vegan friends? Well to time, let me tell you this. If you're vegan, get out of my way. I don't. I don't want to talk to you. The government makes the best synthetic meat on the market. This is this is an indisputable fact. I have it. I have it at Chick fil A. What's the purpose of synthetic meat? Well, you know the government when they replaced every bird with a drone, you can't have them all with wires and gears inside of them, right, Their whole plans failed. So you know what they need to do is keep up the act. They need to keep it up as if there's real meat, real birds. You know, I have a lot of vegan friends for instance, that they're vegan. Communities have totally turned against them because they eat almost exclusively Chick fil A. It's the best synthetic meat on the market. Um, so eating chicken is essentially eating vegan. Yes, eating any bird all is eating vegan. So if you're a vegan, welcome to the best synthetic meat. You go ahead eat all the chicken you want. The government's truly outdone themselves. Truly, Colonel Sanders is just rolling over in his grave right now. You know, yeah, I mean, I mean yeah, because I mean you have to ask the question why why are there so many birds? Why is there a whole holiday about a bird? Thanksgiving Turkey? You know, they got they gather, they gather society around, uh, you know, to prey to the bird around a table. Put bird. I was walking by a house the other day during Thanksgiving. I looked in the window. They were it was a bird in the middle. They were all praying to it. So you know, um, I think they might have just been praying together around the table with the bird in the middle. Okay, it's a little yea, yeah, I'm gonna have to be convinced on that one. Peter, this has been stunning. As many questions as you've answered it, it creates a thousand more. Um, you gave out your website. If if we all have more questions we can we can, of course reach out to you. We can't thank you. I know you're a busy, busy man. We can't thank you for spending this wonderful time with us and enlightening us on this situation. It's been a true pleasure. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Pa, thank you. Okay, what the look. We've been having a lot of you know, silliness here on the podcast, and I needed to do some hard journalism and uh, listen, I try to talk about news stories that matter to me. I've asked you to watch Rachel Mattow. I've sent you watching Midpost articles. I've sent you on copies of the New York I don't have time. You were up all night giving birth to a deer. That's what I'm dedicating most of my time. Things like that. I just wish that there had been, UM, you really went you want me to vet things more with you, that'd be great. Oh my gosh, that would be amazing, just you know, poke holes and things a little bit more. I don't know, I thought that was pretty solid. I just thought it's fascinating, right, I mean, next time you see this flying through the air, you're gonna think twice, right, I don't think so. I think I'll think once you're protecting yourself against the drone. That's why I'm going to walk around from now on every time in public, I'm gonna wear a ski mask. Oh that's actually more concerning, because I don't want to be followed. No, just if you need to protect your face where the cowboy hat ski mask kind of looks concerning, Maybe a ski mask and a cowboy hat double up be extra safe. That was That was I don't know if I'll sleep at night, you know, I don't know if I'll sleep at night knowing that. You know all of that, Let's change it up. Let's let's bring out our next guest. Let's lighten up the mood here. And you know, you know, I just I love stand up comedians. Do you guys love stand up comedians? Who doesn't? Largo is famous for him. I've seen so many good stand ups here, and uh, we have one of the funniest stand ups in the world. This guy. He's uh, he's not a household name yet, but you can bet your bridges. He soon will be. He's young and up and coming comedian. Uh. And he's just oh my god, he tickles me. Uh, please welcome, Like I said, young and young and just super young, fresh, fresh voice up comedian by the name of Tim Hidecker. Can you come on out here? Hey, how's gone? How to God? How's gone? M hm? How's going? Everybody good to be here? Like Ron said, my name is Tim Hidecker, I'm a stand up comedian. When so completely ruined my flow m hm, Like I said, my name is Tim Heidecker. I'm a stand up comedian. When I when I tell people that, they say, what do you mean? Like Tim Allen, I was like, he's already taking out. I just want to clear I just want to clear something up. Uh. I was just told about a couple of minutes or five minutes ago that this is a charity show and I am a comedian and this is what I do with Comedy is my life, comedy is my art, and I don't do it for free. I get paid to do it. So I just want to clear that up. All right, We're with you, and because that's not what that was not and maybe you I don't know who booked the show. But that wasn't explained in the request that my manager got. Anyway, can I do my thing? I just found out that I got a stalker. Anybody here have a stalker? Yeah? Actually it's just somebody trying to help me grow corn? What else? What else? I told my wife I was having an affair as she started throwing her started throwing my clothes out the window. Kid's gonna use son of a bitch, I go. You didn't let me finish the sentence. I said, I'm having I'm I'm having a fairly Brothers movie marathon. I'm having a fairly Brothers movie marathon. Somebody said, it's me uh on the Ron Burgundy? What is this? Uh? What is it? What am I hanging out with? What am I hanging out in Alaska with a Nobel Peace Prize winner Burr? I said, burg Gandhi, you got me? How about those Canadian truckers? H we love him, We love the Canadian truckers. I said, Canada's got the truckers. You got the when it comes to politicians. Sorry, sorry, that's all right. Um, Canada's got hockey, we got I got I've been hock. I hawk me gold rings because of inflation. What else? Oh uh, Canada's got snow and ice. That's just the name of the latest designer drugs that are that they have on the street, snow and ice down here. Everybody. Everybody stops me on the street, lady. Everybody says, hey, are you on TikTok? I said, no, I got I'm on. I have tik tac. I'm on. I use tick tac, I use tick tac. My wife, my dog's sick like that. My wife called me, says, yeah, they're gonna give him a cat scan. I said, what else? What else? What else? A lot of stuff going on in the world, You know, I just want to take a minute here. I know they're not allowing phones in this, and I think it's a good thing. I don't think we want people filming all these things because you never know what's gonna happen. And but I think if somebody can volunteer to take their phone out, is that okay? Can I have somebody take their phone out? Who wants to volunteer? Are you on social are you on social media and instagram? TikTok? I said, TikTok, it's TikTok, that's right now. But you're on Twitter or whatever. Do you mind filming something posting it? I mean you might get in trouble for this. I don't know, but I want to because I feel like our leaders Biden, who's just Biden? His time? We got it? Yeah? And uh, what's her name? What's the vice president? Kamela Kamala Harris? I thought, I thought, I want to say, now, don't slap me, don't slap me for this, but I have to say, Camela, come, Kamala Harri is maybe not the original color she was born with. That's not what I want you to film. Did you put that away? Put that away? Look at they went, they the jaws dropped. But now film this. Now film this. I have a message for putin. Tell me when you're rolling, because we're done. We're done with this bulls ready are you rolling? Resign her? Thank you? Oh? Thank you very much? Did I thank you? Guys? Thank you, Sam Heiderker, everyone, you guys so much. Come on, have a see yes, all right, let's see. Good to see you you too. Man. Post that, I dare you to post that? Truly amazing. Well, somebody's got to say it. And then, by the way, their Congress should impeach him at this point. Well, I don't know. I don't know how that system works. But the guys, you know, he's past his expiration day. What I mean? Yeah, I get what he's doing. What you do? Yeah, I mean, but you know it's a time and place or whatever. I don't know. I don't do. Yeah, just started a conflict. Sure, yeah, Caroline, I got Is that not the top? He's a fighter, you know, but I disagree with him? Yeah, I don't know. You check your material a lot, ah, so does he? Those are like conversation. I'm just yeah, I want to be I want to get it right. And you got it right, You got it right. Understand. You got a new watch there, right? I love it. Do you want to have one of these eye watches from Apple? These are awesome? Yeah, this guy's got it. Get up here. A lot of people I want to see what kind do you? Which one you have? What do you have the new one? Oh? Yeah I didn't. I didn't. I didn't bother with the new one. I'm just I'm happy with what I got. It's a couple of years old, works great. I love it. Yeah, it's got email and messages and monitors my health. Pretty fancy. The only complaint, now, the only complaint. I'm walking around. It's going ding ding ding ding ding ding. Right, this guy knows. This guy knows. You know. I'm walking into a store. I walk into uh yeah, story, I walk into p F Chas okay, and right, and the lady goes, what are you a pinball machine? She did not. It was a Panda Express. That's okay. I got a pound of Panda Express in me right now. By the way, you're like a load up with the pandit spicy, spicy, they die coke whatever, right, you pand Express a little diet coke. Oh yeah, do you have a like? Do you have like? I've never had the same thing twice. Yeah, it's just the way you do it. I just roll. I just go and I go to send me some send me something new, you know. Right right, I'm in there twice three times a week, don't matter, lunch, lunch, and dinner. There a couple of same day. Sure. Yeah, did you leave the fan expressors just stay there the whole time. Yeah, I walked out. It went back to work, right. Yeah, I'm doing uh you know, I just do freelance. That's what that's also photography or in addition to your stand up. Yeah, stand up doesn't take up so much time. I do jingles. Have been trying to work on jingles, fun fun you know, Oh Riley you no, oh that's not you big big fan. Oh you're a big fan of that. Yeah. I was doing, uh, working on so if you were going to do so you I'm sure you call your agent, says I'd like to. I want to get a meeting with the guy like, oh Riley parts. Oh yeah, I'm talking to the guy. I did get a lunch. It was kind of cool. I got a lunch with the one eight seven seven cars for kids, Right, you got a lunch with that guy with the guy who wrote that wait. Oh yeah, the guy who wrote that song and performed it a lot of times. They performed, said, asked him how he broke in. Yeah, it's just like get to know you, a little meat and great. Yeah he didn't have much to say, didn't that much to awful. Still a good song, you got it. It's a great song. It's a great donate your I don't like how goes donate your car today. You don't need to look flunky. I didn't bring it up at lunch. I wouldn't. That part gets stuck in you know, in a bad way, gets stuck in the head. Anyhow, stand up. It's a I'm just fascinated, but it's a really it's a life. It's a lifetime. Oh uh, I watch a lot. Uh stand up. I find guys with like twenty five hits online and hear what they're saying and wait, molded different. I don't. I'm not saying I I just I get that. Then that gets me on It gets me on a route, you know. But just the world. I mean, how many people here just look around them and go yeah, yeah, there's a lot to observe. And then people take that and they like, uh like like Starbucks, right, I mean I could riff on Starbucks for an hour. Yeah, there's a lot there. Yeah. Did you who it? Carmel? You know? That's what I mean. That's what's funny about it. The thing if if I if you'll indul VENTI what is it? Well, if you don't, that's where I was gonna go ahead, go ahead, And this is this is it's tall grande vent three different sizes, but they all mean big in different languages. I didn't know that. I think I like this one. I think this is remind me. But when when is? When is April fools Day? Is it? I mean, I'm like, hello, can it be today? You know what I mean? I get. I'm like, that's Christmas for me. Oh you loves April fools Day. I love it. I'm just speaking of uh, speaking of Starbucks. My uh I did I did last year. I did something with my wife unbelievable. So she gets she intolerant. She goes get me a lot old milk latte. Right, that's how she sounds. It's pretty. So I go, I go to the behind the counter Starbucks. I go watch it. Yeah, excuse me, she's you should see the mouth on her. She's very rude. Okay, then it's fine. Anyways, I say I'll take a latte. Notice when I didn't say yeah, you're right? An hour later? Ye oh, by the way, honey, yeah, April fools Oh she was pissed. She was pissed. But that's when you know it's a good April Fool's gag. Pissed, very very true, stand up coming. I mean it's competitive rights. I mean, when you first had to start out, you had to find gigs are called gigs sets. Okay, what was that like to find a for a gig? It's sorry, I'm doing. I'm still doing. I'm still you know, I'm figuring out. I've been doing for lunch performing all over I'm doing lunch gigs. These days. You have lunch stuff, lunch acts, which is becoming a thing. I mean, I think a lot of the comedians are talking about it now. Is you don't want to stay out so late, so you do lunch. That's the lunch lunch. That's how. Yeah, that's that's how. Where are you performing lunch shows? That? Because I love to catch one. Uh there's a Mexican place called Rubios, you know, Rubio's Rubio, not the not the big ears, not centator Rubio, which I I love to like, you know, goof on a little bit. Marco Rubio. What kind of name is that? Marco Rubio with the ears. I love that you have a clean act. Uh well, I mean a lot of stand ups today, you know kind of you know, like the ones Carolina likes. Uh use foul language, four letter words, you know, the D wordy F word to see where the sor you try to keep it clean. I mean, I say the B S word, which I think it's true. We're tired of both, right, yeah, we are, no question, I'm tired. That's my that's that's sort of my mottel unless my New Year's resolution. No, yeah, okay, we're done. But you know, listen, these days you have to walk that fine line. You have to be so careful what you say to be. So I got in trouble the other day. I was talking about the bathrooms now with the all gender signs, right, go right, Hey, that's better than it used to be where it's ad restroom. Right because when I go to the restaurants, what am I supposed to do? Take a nap? So now I'm studying. I'm that's no disrespect anybody. Now, I'm I'm studying you right now, I'm studying the craft. And you delivered the punchline and you held it. I have to because they don't know what to do. These don't know what that singles to the art. It's like a roadmap, like it's okay to laugh. Now I'll tell you something, and no disrespect again, no disrespect and you people are who you are and not nothing's going to change that. But I did that nap bit that nap chunk right the restroom chunk. I got a standing of a few nights ago. Yeah, sometime sometimes exactly, And and the people at Rubio's loved it. I'm guessing a lot of TV executives are calling you up trying to get you to, you know, make the next us for this there's no places for us anymore. Are you looking to make a home improvement or a Jerry Seinfeld? Is that what I'd love to I'd love to do that kind of work. I have so many ideas for that setting. I have an idea, what's your what's your If you could do a sitcom right now, what's your idea? I would be a dad in a house. I'm already laughing. It's counts over there. There's dads and houses all over and my daughters are driving me nuts. How many daughters do you have? How many daughters? Yeah? Yeah, I call him viny uh whatever. And I get home and maybe I live with There's a couple of guys there because we've fallen, you know, they've fallen on hard time, so staying with me old but old friends, old friends. Yeah, different kinds of guys, you know, it's not all the same, no, no, no, you got you want to have different characters, Yeah, different types rock and roll or whatever. You watch that show, No problem, Absolutely, I think that would be a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah. And I would have been a guy that worked for the Trump administration. I think would be a funny angle one of the disgraced cabinet members for the heavy ones. I'd wear a fat suit. You've I'm impressed as to how much you've had it thought out. Yeah. Well, I was running down, I was going down an angle with it, and I realized it's pretty close to something else, so I had to veer off. Yeah, yeah, sperm out with more. I I'm so in awe of you, and I just you. You you handle yourself with such ease, and if you just you got these people in the palm of your hand. And then I just and I actually wrote a joke that I'd like to try terrific if you'd let me, if it'd be all right, it's your show, did you like burg Gandhi could use that sometimes like that wait that you gotta do this by the way, that sells that blew me away when you did that. It opens a lot of doors Okay, So here's here's my joke. Here's my joke that I wrote down that, Hey, have you ever noticed when you order a hamburger at a restaurant you never get ham? What's the deal with that? It's like, if I say, hey, can I get a ham sandwich, You're gonna get ham? So what happened? If I asked for a turkey burger, They're gonna give me turkey? Right? It makes you think if I asked for a beef burger, would I get a ham sandwich? Should I stop? Yeah? I kind of what would I get if I asked for a spaghetti burger? A veal cutlet? That's good, thank you, I'm wrong burger any good night? Keep working on it. Okay, it's you make it look so easy. Case and well listen, almost like I pooped this out. By the way, I was gonna ask unless you've got a question me. Do you are you a coffee guy? Oh? I'm a what's your routine? What's my routine? I? Well, uh, I usually, you know, do a little French press action in the morning something like that. Let me turn you onto something. I've been doing this now for a couple I used to get the big pot of cop the big Mr Coffee go go go, go, go go go, but in the filter. Yeah, I've been doing this. Cue cure rig Curig. You're called Curi Curi Curig coffee pots. Little guys with the yeah, pop them in. You got one cup of coffee. That's all I need. We don't have a lot of coffee drinkers in the house. Bing coffee done clean easy. Anybody have this, it's the best. If you don't. And this is not a very select few. It's high end, Yeah it is. It's not cheap. It's not cheap. It's a lot. It's much more expensive than a Mr. Coffee with a with the ground is. It's all messy. It gets in your discardag's disposal right and if you don't fill it up the night before, and that's a mess. Ku e r k go to this is on their site. You can order everything there. K you k e u is a k um k k k e U what k r ry are shut the hey? Hey Tim, Tim Tim dim damn damn Kim. He didn't mean that. He didn't mean that trying to get in mean that you're not helping. He's he's joking he's joking. Are you all right? But still? Hey you good lord? Ka kay? Is it started with a que now? It does not start with a quere trying to make fun of me? K you trying to help? K you r d I G. It's it's either ku or k EU. I don't know. Look it up KU R I G dot com. Are you like a paid spokesman for them? What? I am not? I just love the products and I get them sent to me. They got they have a they have a pod that's called a pod called Kappa Joe. It's not fancy, you know. It's liberal style coffee. It is. It's like a pot of It's like a seven eleven cup of coffee. It's delicious. I want to end right there. Yeah, And despite that brief ugly moment, Tim, you've been in the light. I do apologize, I really do. I wouldn't wear I wouldn't wear those kind of caps indoors though, Just leave them alone. I'm just saying it looks like okay, by the way, shaggy right, he must be on some of that, I think, right. I thought, if he's hungry all the time, he's rolling those tight ones. Yeah, Tim, I'll let you go. Where can we look for you next? I know it's the Is it mainly Rubio's Rubio's in Glendale, Glendale Avenue and uh Wilson, I think it is anywhere else? Hopefully here. Yeah, it'd be great if you had me back. Everyone breaks up Greaso. Yeah yeah, picked chickock side of ker what a stone cold pro He had some like I thought weaker moments, like when he talked about, well, you don't know, comedy. I don't know. I felt like it was kind of mean when he was having his wife floor. But you're not a big April fools. First, that's true, that's true. So and then he really freaked out at that audience member did. But the more I look out of my let's not worry about it. I'm on tim side. Yeah, well, we're at the end of our show here. Um, it really flew behy was the crazy ride? It was more than ever of these are usually crazy pretty much. But we have one last segment that I like to end with. It's a little thing I call my take. Oh you can go. I'm sure by now you've become immune to the extraordinary news of last Sunday night. The one story that has been dominating news cycles, book club water cooler talk, especially here Intensiltown, the story that one man was caught down at the San Diego border trying to smuggle in sixty reptiles. Oh. I know, we're sick of talking about it, but the debate keeps going on. How how could he do such a thing? Where's the humanity? Dozens of of lizards and snakes were hidden in his pockets, pants, and and growing area. Think about that. Regardless of your ethical views of this situation, you can't deny that this man has guts. Right. Can you imagine trying to drive across the Mexican border with a bunch of lizards and snakes jammed in your crotch, trying to act casual or feel the sensation of a couple of gophers snakes sniffing your conus dios meo estradoso? No sorry, I think I just said my wife has large feet. Go back to our story. When asked by border patrol if he was going to declare any of the animals, he then decided to say there was nothing to declare because they were his pets. Hey, I'm just a guy driving across the border with sixty reptiles jammed in my pants. They're my pets. No big deal. No, they like traveling like this, they prefer it, and so do I. Come on, man, get it together. You gotta have a better plan. I used to walk around cocktail parties with my pet Bullet Constrictor hanging around my neck, and people with say, 'ron that looks bitching. So I get the allure of having reptiles on your body, but I never stuck a box turtle in my Hanes underwear to go to the car wash. Look, we've all smuggled live animals across the border, all right. And if you're shaking your head, no, you're lying. It's just something you do, especially when you travel to other countries like Mexico or Florida. I mean, who hasn't come back into this country with a suitcase full of baby crocks or spider monkeys. But there's a smart way to do it and a humane way to do it. Let's not let one Yahoo ruin it for the rest of us. I remember when I had my first beer. Right, the next time someone comes up to you and says, is that a Yucatan box turtle in your pants? Or are you just happy? To see me. Stop, take the box turtle out of your pants and just say sorry it is a box turtle. I shouldn't have done that, but I am happy to see you. I'm Ron Burgundy and that's my tape. Thank you everyone. You've gotta wonderful audi, I'm Ron Burgundy, says, because he ain't no sucker, looking so bright, you try like a truckerwan like a planet. You this solid duck fool will try so we never get stuck up. Bright so far take up a lot of bandwids, and he's a god. He ain't no stand and he doesn't have He's on a night sized stand, which because everybody knows he's banded. The Ron Burgundy Podcast Nest