I'm so grateful for the wisdom that I have lived through. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have from the things that I've read or the podcast I listened to. But I don't think something can truly be wisdom until you've lived through it and you've applied it in your real life.

I'm so grateful for the wisdom that I have lived through. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have from the things that I've read or the podcast I listened to. But I don't think something can truly be wisdom until you've lived through it and you've applied it in your real life.

Welcome to the one you feed throughout time. Great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have, quotes like garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think ring true. And yet for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. Cast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf. Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this episode is Rachel Hollis, a multi time New York Times bestselling author, host of the Rachel Hollis Podcast, and a well known keynote speaker Today, Rachel and Eric discuss her new book, what If You Are the Answer and twenty six other Questions that just might change your life.

Welcome to the one you feed throughout time. Great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have, quotes like garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think ring true. And yet for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. Cast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf. Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this episode is Rachel Hollis, a multi time New York Times bestselling author, host of the Rachel Hollis Podcast, and a well known keynote speaker Today, Rachel and Eric discuss her new book, what If You Are the Answer and twenty six other Questions that just might change your life.

Hi, Rachel, welcome to the show.

Hi, Rachel, welcome to the show.

Oh thanks for having me.

Oh thanks for having me.

You have such a professional setup. I mean, the video looks great. I mean everything about it. It's just it's really good.

You have such a professional setup. I mean, the video looks great. I mean everything about it. It's just it's really good.

I have nothing to do with it. Justinclaire, this is all Jack. We give all love to Jack who produced their good work.

I have nothing to do with it. Justinclaire, this is all Jack. We give all love to Jack who produced their good work.

Jack, good work. He gets a shout out. We're going to be discussing your latest book, which I love the title of what If You Are the Answer and twenty six other Questions that Might Change your life. But before we do, we'll start the way we always do, which is.

Jack, good work. He gets a shout out. We're going to be discussing your latest book, which I love the title of what If You Are the Answer and twenty six other Questions that Might Change your life. But before we do, we'll start the way we always do, which is.

With the parable.

With the parable.

And in the parable, there's a grandparent who's talking with a grandchild and they say, in life, there are two wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and the other's a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the grandchild stops. They think about it for a second. They look up at their grandparent and they say, well, which one wins, and the grandparent says the one you feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do.

And in the parable, there's a grandparent who's talking with a grandchild and they say, in life, there are two wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and the other's a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the grandchild stops. They think about it for a second. They look up at their grandparent and they say, well, which one wins, and the grandparent says the one you feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do.

Yeah, I remember the first time I saw that. I saw it as a meme or something that came across social media years ago, and that stopped me in my tracks because it's such a good reminder that what we focus on we create more of what we focus on we give energy to. And for me, that could jope in a lot of different ways. But I hear it again with you, or if I see it again out in the world, it always will come back to my anxious thoughts versus my more focused, intentional reach for the more positive things. I can very easily swirl into an anxious mindset that will lead me nowhere good, and so I have to really be thoughtful about how I focus my thought process to not fall into old bad patterns. So what it makes me think of is wanting to feed the wolf of the good stuff and the positive stuff and the stuff that I know is going to help me versus the stuff that is going to produce circular thinking in my mind and kind of lead me back to the same place over and over.

Yeah, I remember the first time I saw that. I saw it as a meme or something that came across social media years ago, and that stopped me in my tracks because it's such a good reminder that what we focus on we create more of what we focus on we give energy to. And for me, that could jope in a lot of different ways. But I hear it again with you, or if I see it again out in the world, it always will come back to my anxious thoughts versus my more focused, intentional reach for the more positive things. I can very easily swirl into an anxious mindset that will lead me nowhere good, and so I have to really be thoughtful about how I focus my thought process to not fall into old bad patterns. So what it makes me think of is wanting to feed the wolf of the good stuff and the positive stuff and the stuff that I know is going to help me versus the stuff that is going to produce circular thinking in my mind and kind of lead me back to the same place over and over.

Can you share a little bit about, like what today's greatest hits of anxious thoughts are like for you? I mean, I think they change for us in some different ways depending on where we are at a particular time in life. I'm just kind of curious what circulating lately. Well.

Can you share a little bit about, like what today's greatest hits of anxious thoughts are like for you? I mean, I think they change for us in some different ways depending on where we are at a particular time in life. I'm just kind of curious what circulating lately. Well.

To be honest, if I really boil it down, the anxious thoughts are old news. It's always about the past. It's never about what is happening in my presence, definitely nothing associated with my future. It's a fear that perhaps bad things that have happened before are going to happen again. Having been through quite a lot of trauma in my life, I will tend to gravitate back to Yeah, it feels really good right now, but what happens if it all goes wrong? Yeah? You know, well, what are you going to do if this happens? What are you going to do if that happens? And I honestly think that this is gonna sound so terrible but also as real, and I feel like maybe listeners will be like, yeah, that's me too. I would have one tenth of the anxious thoughts that I have if I didn't have children, if I didn't have worry or concern for the kids, or am I doing a good job as a parent for them? Am I leading them in the right way? Are they going to be hurt? I mean, just every time they get a little bit older, there's something else, and it can be really easy for me to just add that to the pile of worry. And it serves nothing, serves nobody, It does not help them. It certainly doesn't help me as a parent. But that is where my brain tends to go back to. The anxiety is around the stuff that I care about most and wanting to protect or take care of those things that I love the most, and feeling like it might all go awry, it might all be taken away. And that's the response from PTSD. And I've done a lot of therapy about it, but that really is what it always throws back to.

To be honest, if I really boil it down, the anxious thoughts are old news. It's always about the past. It's never about what is happening in my presence, definitely nothing associated with my future. It's a fear that perhaps bad things that have happened before are going to happen again. Having been through quite a lot of trauma in my life, I will tend to gravitate back to Yeah, it feels really good right now, but what happens if it all goes wrong? Yeah? You know, well, what are you going to do if this happens? What are you going to do if that happens? And I honestly think that this is gonna sound so terrible but also as real, and I feel like maybe listeners will be like, yeah, that's me too. I would have one tenth of the anxious thoughts that I have if I didn't have children, if I didn't have worry or concern for the kids, or am I doing a good job as a parent for them? Am I leading them in the right way? Are they going to be hurt? I mean, just every time they get a little bit older, there's something else, and it can be really easy for me to just add that to the pile of worry. And it serves nothing, serves nobody, It does not help them. It certainly doesn't help me as a parent. But that is where my brain tends to go back to. The anxiety is around the stuff that I care about most and wanting to protect or take care of those things that I love the most, and feeling like it might all go awry, it might all be taken away. And that's the response from PTSD. And I've done a lot of therapy about it, but that really is what it always throws back to.

Yeah, there's a phrase. I don't know if I'll quite get it right, but it's basically that our vulnerabilities show us about our values. Right, The things that really matter to us are the things that we often feel most vulnerable around, and obviously, you know, children are that thing. And it's good that they're that important, and as you said, that the anxiety doesn't really help us be a better parent. So you know, what's your process of Okay, anxiety has arisen, I'm in anxiety. What's your process of working with it? Today?

Yeah, there's a phrase. I don't know if I'll quite get it right, but it's basically that our vulnerabilities show us about our values. Right, The things that really matter to us are the things that we often feel most vulnerable around, and obviously, you know, children are that thing. And it's good that they're that important, and as you said, that the anxiety doesn't really help us be a better parent. So you know, what's your process of Okay, anxiety has arisen, I'm in anxiety. What's your process of working with it? Today?

I absolutely have to interrupt the pattern. It took me a really long time to learn this because I love getting deep. I get real deep in my feelings. I love just like, oh, let's just marinate in this. And I think that I believe for a very long time that if I could just keep going deeper and deeper and peeling more of the layers away, that I would get to the root cause and then it would never bother me again. And I feel like this is a trap, and it's a trap I've only really understood in the last few years that I have to interrupt my thought pattern because my thought pattern it becomes repetitive. And I I didn't know that that's what I was doing, this sort of obsessive thinking of just circling back around to the same idea over and over, and the more that I would try and unpack that, the more I'm circling back.

I absolutely have to interrupt the pattern. It took me a really long time to learn this because I love getting deep. I get real deep in my feelings. I love just like, oh, let's just marinate in this. And I think that I believe for a very long time that if I could just keep going deeper and deeper and peeling more of the layers away, that I would get to the root cause and then it would never bother me again. And I feel like this is a trap, and it's a trap I've only really understood in the last few years that I have to interrupt my thought pattern because my thought pattern it becomes repetitive. And I I didn't know that that's what I was doing, this sort of obsessive thinking of just circling back around to the same idea over and over, and the more that I would try and unpack that, the more I'm circling back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I think at this point I've tried every which way you can think of, and what works best for me is like we're obsessing over something we cannot affect. I mean that's the first thing to notice. Can I actually affect this thing that I'm thinking of right now?

So I think at this point I've tried every which way you can think of, and what works best for me is like we're obsessing over something we cannot affect. I mean that's the first thing to notice. Can I actually affect this thing that I'm thinking of right now?

No?

No?

I cannot. Then we to do something right now in this moment to change my thought pattern, which usually for me looks like moving my body, like go on a walk, see the dogs in the neighborhood. I can put on some music, i can dance around, I can go talk to someone. I got a house full of kids, I have an incredible partner. I can reach out and just have a conversation about literally anything the groceries that you need to grab, or something funny I saw on the internet, but just anything to change the thought pattern. It really does dissipate that quickly. For me, it's by continuing to think about it is when I kind of feel trapped by it and I can't get out, breaking that pattern is really helpful.

I cannot. Then we to do something right now in this moment to change my thought pattern, which usually for me looks like moving my body, like go on a walk, see the dogs in the neighborhood. I can put on some music, i can dance around, I can go talk to someone. I got a house full of kids, I have an incredible partner. I can reach out and just have a conversation about literally anything the groceries that you need to grab, or something funny I saw on the internet, but just anything to change the thought pattern. It really does dissipate that quickly. For me, it's by continuing to think about it is when I kind of feel trapped by it and I can't get out, breaking that pattern is really helpful.

I love what you said there, and I've thought a lot about this, and I've even had conversations recently with people about this. Because there are different schools of thought on how to approach this sort of thing right, and one of them is it's sort of a depth psychology type approach. When those are happening, it's information, it's telling us something and we should figure out what it is. And I agree with that some of the time, but I also agree with you a lot of the time that to me, they feel like just habitual patterns that run and I don't know why they run. Well, actually, I do know why they started running, right, I have a pretty good idea of why they started running, But I don't exactly believe them when I think about them. But they go and if I'm not careful, I just go along with them, And like you said, I'm not certain that going deeper into them provides any value at this point. You know, there's a big movement also around like feeling your feelings, and I get it, like we don't want to avoid how we feel, but it's a slippery slope between avoiding what you feel and allowing yourself to remain mired in thought patterns that, like you said, aren't going to go anywhere.

I love what you said there, and I've thought a lot about this, and I've even had conversations recently with people about this. Because there are different schools of thought on how to approach this sort of thing right, and one of them is it's sort of a depth psychology type approach. When those are happening, it's information, it's telling us something and we should figure out what it is. And I agree with that some of the time, but I also agree with you a lot of the time that to me, they feel like just habitual patterns that run and I don't know why they run. Well, actually, I do know why they started running, right, I have a pretty good idea of why they started running, But I don't exactly believe them when I think about them. But they go and if I'm not careful, I just go along with them, And like you said, I'm not certain that going deeper into them provides any value at this point. You know, there's a big movement also around like feeling your feelings, and I get it, like we don't want to avoid how we feel, but it's a slippery slope between avoiding what you feel and allowing yourself to remain mired in thought patterns that, like you said, aren't going to go anywhere.

Yes, And I think for me, it's about are these new feelings, Are these feelings that are happening because of something that has occurred in my real life? Because I would say ninety nine percent of the time my anxious thoughts are about old stuff. It's like, remember that time in third grade you said that thing that was really embarrassing, Like, okay, well what did you say in high school that was embarrassing? And have you ever said something as an adult that was embarrassed? Like it? Really? I guess it's a balance. And the only way you can know is this a feeling I need to feel, is this a thought I need to be thinking, or is this just a habit that I'm inside of. Is to know yourself and to know what's going to be most helpful for you. And there are times where Okay, this situation's hurting me, and I really just want to have a good cry and I want to have a good wallow in the way that I'm feeling, and I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be better because I've allowed myself to process that. And then other times, especially when it's something I've thought over and over and over again, as soon as it shows up, I'm just like, no, we do not have time for that. That is not helpful. And by being that like quick with it, I really can redirect and move on with my life as opposed to an older way of thinking for me, which was like, oh gosh, you know, no, I really need to sit in this and it just wasn't helping me to get better.

Yes, And I think for me, it's about are these new feelings, Are these feelings that are happening because of something that has occurred in my real life? Because I would say ninety nine percent of the time my anxious thoughts are about old stuff. It's like, remember that time in third grade you said that thing that was really embarrassing, Like, okay, well what did you say in high school that was embarrassing? And have you ever said something as an adult that was embarrassed? Like it? Really? I guess it's a balance. And the only way you can know is this a feeling I need to feel, is this a thought I need to be thinking, or is this just a habit that I'm inside of. Is to know yourself and to know what's going to be most helpful for you. And there are times where Okay, this situation's hurting me, and I really just want to have a good cry and I want to have a good wallow in the way that I'm feeling, and I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be better because I've allowed myself to process that. And then other times, especially when it's something I've thought over and over and over again, as soon as it shows up, I'm just like, no, we do not have time for that. That is not helpful. And by being that like quick with it, I really can redirect and move on with my life as opposed to an older way of thinking for me, which was like, oh gosh, you know, no, I really need to sit in this and it just wasn't helping me to get better.

Yeah, your book is all about questions, and I'm a big fan of questions, and a question that I use in that situation really is is this useful? Is this thought useful? Because it may be telling me something that I need to do. You know, there is something that needs to be done, there's a situation that needs to be remedied, there's something going on that I am like, Oh, I didn't realize that was important. You know, is it useful or to your point, is it useful in like processing some sort of emotion. But a lot of time, the answer is like no, there's no new information coming out, there's no new strategies, there's no there's just nothing. And in that point, I'm like, if it's not useful, okay, let's move on. And like you said, I love this idea. I sometimes just have to set a fairly hard boundary like.

Yeah, your book is all about questions, and I'm a big fan of questions, and a question that I use in that situation really is is this useful? Is this thought useful? Because it may be telling me something that I need to do. You know, there is something that needs to be done, there's a situation that needs to be remedied, there's something going on that I am like, Oh, I didn't realize that was important. You know, is it useful or to your point, is it useful in like processing some sort of emotion. But a lot of time, the answer is like no, there's no new information coming out, there's no new strategies, there's no there's just nothing. And in that point, I'm like, if it's not useful, okay, let's move on. And like you said, I love this idea. I sometimes just have to set a fairly hard boundary like.

No, correct right, Yeah, that was doing this? Yeah, And I don't think I knew I was allowed to tell my brain that when I was younger, I love all of these conversations now around like you don't have to believe the thoughts that you think, yes, because growing up I thought, well, if it shows up in my head, it must be true. And now I realize no, our gosh, our mind is so bombarded with so much information taken in from so many different sources. You have beliefs that were put into you as a kid that maybe you weren't even aware. We're being programmed into your subconscious So if you don't understand that and kind of take the guidance of it a bit and take control of where you're focusing, you will unintentionally allow a bunch of stuff into your mind that I don't think is super helpful for you. And like I said, I've tried all kinds of ways, and this is the one that I feel like is most helpful, which is this a very loving way. I don't get mad at myself. I don't judge myself for feeling anxious, but I just am like, no, it's literally like course correcting a puppy. Sometimes I think my mind is a bit like a puppy, where I'm like, Nope, we're not going to do that. We're going to look over here, and we're going to move forward because that's what's best for everybody.

No, correct right, Yeah, that was doing this? Yeah, And I don't think I knew I was allowed to tell my brain that when I was younger, I love all of these conversations now around like you don't have to believe the thoughts that you think, yes, because growing up I thought, well, if it shows up in my head, it must be true. And now I realize no, our gosh, our mind is so bombarded with so much information taken in from so many different sources. You have beliefs that were put into you as a kid that maybe you weren't even aware. We're being programmed into your subconscious So if you don't understand that and kind of take the guidance of it a bit and take control of where you're focusing, you will unintentionally allow a bunch of stuff into your mind that I don't think is super helpful for you. And like I said, I've tried all kinds of ways, and this is the one that I feel like is most helpful, which is this a very loving way. I don't get mad at myself. I don't judge myself for feeling anxious, but I just am like, no, it's literally like course correcting a puppy. Sometimes I think my mind is a bit like a puppy, where I'm like, Nope, we're not going to do that. We're going to look over here, and we're going to move forward because that's what's best for everybody.

Yep, yeah, I agree.

Yep, yeah, I agree.

So let's turn towards the book and questions. I love the idea of a book about questions, and I'm working on a book and part of the core ideas about creating wise habits. And I was thinking recently, like, well, what's the ultimate wise habit, like, if you had one, what would it be? And where I landed was it would be to remember to ask the right question at.

So let's turn towards the book and questions. I love the idea of a book about questions, and I'm working on a book and part of the core ideas about creating wise habits. And I was thinking recently, like, well, what's the ultimate wise habit, like, if you had one, what would it be? And where I landed was it would be to remember to ask the right question at.

The right time.

The right time.

And I love that this is what your whole book is oriented around. And so I thought maybe what we could do is just explore some of the questions that you offer and just kind of see where that takes us.

And I love that this is what your whole book is oriented around. And so I thought maybe what we could do is just explore some of the questions that you offer and just kind of see where that takes us.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Early on you say, I'm no longer looking for answers, I'm looking for wisdom. What is wisdom to you? What does that mean to you?

Early on you say, I'm no longer looking for answers, I'm looking for wisdom. What is wisdom to you? What does that mean to you?

Wisdom to me involves a lived experience, So you know, I love information. I have been reading nonfiction books like my life depended on it for fifteen years. I'm so grateful for the wisdom that I have lived through. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have from the things that I've read or the podcast I've listened to. But I don't think something can truly be wisdom until you've lived through it and you've applied it in your real life. I heard this quote, and I don't know who said it, but I love it that any experience you can live through and remember without negative emotion is now wisdom that you possess.

Wisdom to me involves a lived experience, So you know, I love information. I have been reading nonfiction books like my life depended on it for fifteen years. I'm so grateful for the wisdom that I have lived through. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have from the things that I've read or the podcast I've listened to. But I don't think something can truly be wisdom until you've lived through it and you've applied it in your real life. I heard this quote, and I don't know who said it, but I love it that any experience you can live through and remember without negative emotion is now wisdom that you possess.

Fascinating, isn't that interesting?

Fascinating, isn't that interesting?

It's as someone who can oftentimes be made anxious by past memories that felt really powerful for me. Can I live through something? Can I take the best parts and pieces with me? Can I navigate that experience without feeling triggered by it, without going to a certain kind of place. Can it just be this knowledge that I possess that I get to hold in my toolbox now, so you know, I could have all kinds of knowledge that I acquire and did as a woman. It was pregnant for the very first time and excited about having my first son, and that is very different than the wisdom I now possess. He's about to turn eighteen next month, so I have a lot of lived experience with Jackson that helps me to make better decisions about his siblings. But then I'm also living through a whole different experience with each one of them. So for me, it's actually applying the knowledge that you've gained and knowing what works and what doesn't. And I think that's a really important distinction to make, particularly for my audience, and I'm guessing maybe similarly for yours, is that she often is looking for what's the next thing, what's the next book, what's the next conference, what's the next course, What's she wants the next thing, the next thing, And you don't need one more piece of information. You need to apply what you already know works for you. I think that we constantly look for more info because we're hoping there's an easier path.

It's as someone who can oftentimes be made anxious by past memories that felt really powerful for me. Can I live through something? Can I take the best parts and pieces with me? Can I navigate that experience without feeling triggered by it, without going to a certain kind of place. Can it just be this knowledge that I possess that I get to hold in my toolbox now, so you know, I could have all kinds of knowledge that I acquire and did as a woman. It was pregnant for the very first time and excited about having my first son, and that is very different than the wisdom I now possess. He's about to turn eighteen next month, so I have a lot of lived experience with Jackson that helps me to make better decisions about his siblings. But then I'm also living through a whole different experience with each one of them. So for me, it's actually applying the knowledge that you've gained and knowing what works and what doesn't. And I think that's a really important distinction to make, particularly for my audience, and I'm guessing maybe similarly for yours, is that she often is looking for what's the next thing, what's the next book, what's the next conference, what's the next course, What's she wants the next thing, the next thing, And you don't need one more piece of information. You need to apply what you already know works for you. I think that we constantly look for more info because we're hoping there's an easier path.

Yes, that's we want a hack.

Yes, that's we want a hack.

Yes, and there's not a hack. There's just like the stuff you know you should be doing and are not doing. That's the stuff that you need to focus on. So for me, wisdom is about experience.

Yes, and there's not a hack. There's just like the stuff you know you should be doing and are not doing. That's the stuff that you need to focus on. So for me, wisdom is about experience.

I love that, and I couldn't agree more. I think that the going to the seminar, the listening to the next podcast, the reading the next book, it serves a useful purpose in reminding us of things that we know, because we need to be reminded yes, and like you're saying, I think, yeah, we keep thinking there's an easier answer than the answer that is presented to us, which is that life is challenging, it's hard, you're going to do your best to get through it. And if you're going to make a change, it's probably going to happen as a result of a lot of small actions taken again and again and again and again. Yes, And when you're at the beginning of that process, we often doubt that it actually works because you do a couple of those small actions and not much changes, right, and so you go, that's not going to work, so you don't do it right. Whereas if we kept doing it so many of these things they accumulate so slowly. There's a certain amount of I think, buying into that method and that understanding of how change works that allows us to perhaps then recognize we do know everything we need to know. Like you said, how do we apply it?

I love that, and I couldn't agree more. I think that the going to the seminar, the listening to the next podcast, the reading the next book, it serves a useful purpose in reminding us of things that we know, because we need to be reminded yes, and like you're saying, I think, yeah, we keep thinking there's an easier answer than the answer that is presented to us, which is that life is challenging, it's hard, you're going to do your best to get through it. And if you're going to make a change, it's probably going to happen as a result of a lot of small actions taken again and again and again and again. Yes, And when you're at the beginning of that process, we often doubt that it actually works because you do a couple of those small actions and not much changes, right, and so you go, that's not going to work, so you don't do it right. Whereas if we kept doing it so many of these things they accumulate so slowly. There's a certain amount of I think, buying into that method and that understanding of how change works that allows us to perhaps then recognize we do know everything we need to know. Like you said, how do we apply it?

Yeah?

Yeah?

I think probably after the first fifteen podcasts I did, and I've done I don't know how many, seven hundred, I mean, so many of them at this point, probably after the first fifteen, if there was some soul who was capable of applying all the knowledge and wisdom in those first fifteen would be light years ahead of somebody who had listened to all seven hundred of them and only partially applied little bits of it. Right, It's more fun and easier to listen to read. And I'm not putting that down. I still do it. I love doing it said, and how do we live it? And I love that that's your definition for wisdom.

I think probably after the first fifteen podcasts I did, and I've done I don't know how many, seven hundred, I mean, so many of them at this point, probably after the first fifteen, if there was some soul who was capable of applying all the knowledge and wisdom in those first fifteen would be light years ahead of somebody who had listened to all seven hundred of them and only partially applied little bits of it. Right, It's more fun and easier to listen to read. And I'm not putting that down. I still do it. I love doing it said, and how do we live it? And I love that that's your definition for wisdom.

Yeah, there's a great expression, which might be John Maxwell. I'm not sure who originated it, but you know the old expression is knowledge is power, and he says, no, knowledge is not power applied. Knowledge is power. Yes, if you have all the knowledge in the world but you don't actually take any action against it, you're going to be in the same spot that you are next year. And you hit the nail on the head because it is fun. It's so fun to want to start your first podcast, or begin a business, or make a change in your life and go get together with like minded people, go have coffee with your friends, go talk about the thing, and if you're not careful, six months go by, nine months go by, six years go by, and you're still talking about the thing you want to do. Because it feels like you're making traction, and it feels like you're making change in life because you're talking about it. Because talking about its way funner and way easier than actually doing the things you need to do. So, like you said, you're writing your book right now. You know, we could talk about it all day. I could share ideas and advice and it would be exciting. And at the end of the day, if you want to publish book, you have to sit down and stack a bunch of words on top of each other, which is a slog and it's hard and nobody. I've done this so many times. It never gets easier. Yeah, it would be way funner to go talk about writing a book than actually writing a book. Though, if you don't do the hard stuff, you don't get to experience the joy of getting to the other side of your dream.

Yeah, there's a great expression, which might be John Maxwell. I'm not sure who originated it, but you know the old expression is knowledge is power, and he says, no, knowledge is not power applied. Knowledge is power. Yes, if you have all the knowledge in the world but you don't actually take any action against it, you're going to be in the same spot that you are next year. And you hit the nail on the head because it is fun. It's so fun to want to start your first podcast, or begin a business, or make a change in your life and go get together with like minded people, go have coffee with your friends, go talk about the thing, and if you're not careful, six months go by, nine months go by, six years go by, and you're still talking about the thing you want to do. Because it feels like you're making traction, and it feels like you're making change in life because you're talking about it. Because talking about its way funner and way easier than actually doing the things you need to do. So, like you said, you're writing your book right now. You know, we could talk about it all day. I could share ideas and advice and it would be exciting. And at the end of the day, if you want to publish book, you have to sit down and stack a bunch of words on top of each other, which is a slog and it's hard and nobody. I've done this so many times. It never gets easier. Yeah, it would be way funner to go talk about writing a book than actually writing a book. Though, if you don't do the hard stuff, you don't get to experience the joy of getting to the other side of your dream.

Yep.

Yep.

Absolutely, So let's go to a question that I really like, which is what big thing is actually little? Tell me about that question? What's important about that to you?

Absolutely, So let's go to a question that I really like, which is what big thing is actually little? Tell me about that question? What's important about that to you?

Yeah? I mean this question came about because I kept seeing so many people in my community, the friends of mine, and I'm going to make sweeping generalizations that this I'm sure happens to dudes as well, But a lot of women just make a really big deal about something that, as my teenagers would say, like it's it's not that deep. Momb like, it's not that deep. So I was on a podcast tour like a year and a half ago, and I played this game with the audience where I would say, let's play a game of never have I ever? Are you familiar with never have I ever? Sort of, but it's like a camp game, but you would start with ten fingers and you see who you can get out first. But you would say like, never have I ever climbed a mountain? And then if you have done that thing, you put a finger down. So I played this game with the audience. But the intention is that I am naming things that people really want to do but don't do because they're afraid to or don't do because they think, quote, I'm not that kind of person. So it would be things like never have I ever gotten a tattoo, Never have I ever walked up to a stranger at the bar and introduced myself, Never have I ever applied for a job I was mostly qualified for but not fully qualified for. So it's just all these things that people especially women, think of as something for someone else. That's for a different kind of person. That's for my big sister, that's for the cool girls in middle school, that's for someone other than me. And I was so flabbergasted by how many people were not doing things that in my mind were so simple. So like in most audiences, two thirds of the room has always wanted to get a tattoo, but doesn't get a tattoo because they're like, well, I could never I'm not that kind of person. I'm like, y'all could literally leave this room and change that tonight within an hour. You could go get tattoo. I'm not saying you should, but you could go get a tattoo, and for the rest of your life you see yourself as a completely different kind of person. And I think that those kind of moments, like those before and after moments, where all of a sudden you are someone else based on a decision that.

Yeah? I mean this question came about because I kept seeing so many people in my community, the friends of mine, and I'm going to make sweeping generalizations that this I'm sure happens to dudes as well, But a lot of women just make a really big deal about something that, as my teenagers would say, like it's it's not that deep. Momb like, it's not that deep. So I was on a podcast tour like a year and a half ago, and I played this game with the audience where I would say, let's play a game of never have I ever? Are you familiar with never have I ever? Sort of, but it's like a camp game, but you would start with ten fingers and you see who you can get out first. But you would say like, never have I ever climbed a mountain? And then if you have done that thing, you put a finger down. So I played this game with the audience. But the intention is that I am naming things that people really want to do but don't do because they're afraid to or don't do because they think, quote, I'm not that kind of person. So it would be things like never have I ever gotten a tattoo, Never have I ever walked up to a stranger at the bar and introduced myself, Never have I ever applied for a job I was mostly qualified for but not fully qualified for. So it's just all these things that people especially women, think of as something for someone else. That's for a different kind of person. That's for my big sister, that's for the cool girls in middle school, that's for someone other than me. And I was so flabbergasted by how many people were not doing things that in my mind were so simple. So like in most audiences, two thirds of the room has always wanted to get a tattoo, but doesn't get a tattoo because they're like, well, I could never I'm not that kind of person. I'm like, y'all could literally leave this room and change that tonight within an hour. You could go get tattoo. I'm not saying you should, but you could go get a tattoo, and for the rest of your life you see yourself as a completely different kind of person. And I think that those kind of moments, like those before and after moments, where all of a sudden you are someone else based on a decision that.

You made, is really powerful, especially for people who there's a lot of care that they give to others, with a lot of taking care of other people, and you begin to identify yourself through the lens of others.

You made, is really powerful, especially for people who there's a lot of care that they give to others, with a lot of taking care of other people, and you begin to identify yourself through the lens of others.

It's really powerful to do something. I mean it's so ridiculous. Cut bang, shave your head, get a tattoo, like just go on vacation by yourself. Go just It sounds so simple, but I was shocked at Albny. Women were really sort of frozen in fear over doing these things that were pretty little. And if you're frozen in fear over doing something that little, you're never gonna make a move against something that can actually change your life in a big way. So I wanted to have a conversation about what are the little things that you're not doing because you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and if you can start to take on some of those littler things. The example I give in the book is going to a concert by yourself. I love music. I'm a massive fan, and I love concerts, and I'm really blessed in that my fiance also loves music, so he's super happy to go see shows with me. But I wished earlier on in my life I would have just gone to see my favorite bands by myself instead of begging people to come along so I didn't have to go alone and then sitting next to someone who doesn't care about this artist, and then my experience is ruined because I'm trying to you know, I just wish I had figured that out sooner. So that's what it means to me.

It's really powerful to do something. I mean it's so ridiculous. Cut bang, shave your head, get a tattoo, like just go on vacation by yourself. Go just It sounds so simple, but I was shocked at Albny. Women were really sort of frozen in fear over doing these things that were pretty little. And if you're frozen in fear over doing something that little, you're never gonna make a move against something that can actually change your life in a big way. So I wanted to have a conversation about what are the little things that you're not doing because you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and if you can start to take on some of those littler things. The example I give in the book is going to a concert by yourself. I love music. I'm a massive fan, and I love concerts, and I'm really blessed in that my fiance also loves music, so he's super happy to go see shows with me. But I wished earlier on in my life I would have just gone to see my favorite bands by myself instead of begging people to come along so I didn't have to go alone and then sitting next to someone who doesn't care about this artist, and then my experience is ruined because I'm trying to you know, I just wish I had figured that out sooner. So that's what it means to me.

Some of the music that means the most to me, I almost prefer to be by myself, even if I know somebody who likes that music.

Some of the music that means the most to me, I almost prefer to be by myself, even if I know somebody who likes that music.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't want my experience diluted at all, Yeah, I guess. Or maybe it's fear of showing that much emotion, although I mean I cry all the time, so I don't really think that it's that. But I understand what you're saying. There's something that you know, I don't want to dilute the power of that moment with any sort of distraction. Yeah, I think that also. You know, when I read that question, it made me also think about, like, what things in life are we making a big deal out of as real problems that maybe aren't you know. I love that idea of making mountains out of molehills, right, And the way you do that is you just get really myopic.

I don't want my experience diluted at all, Yeah, I guess. Or maybe it's fear of showing that much emotion, although I mean I cry all the time, so I don't really think that it's that. But I understand what you're saying. There's something that you know, I don't want to dilute the power of that moment with any sort of distraction. Yeah, I think that also. You know, when I read that question, it made me also think about, like, what things in life are we making a big deal out of as real problems that maybe aren't you know. I love that idea of making mountains out of molehills, right, And the way you do that is you just get really myopic.

Right.

Right.

If you crawl up do a little thing on the ground and you put it two inches away from your eyes, it looks really big, absolutely, And I think that's a question like that, and it's inverse that you use, which is what big thing am I thinking is little? But yeah, those are just quick ways of changing perspective, and ultimately that's what we want from a question, right, we want it to cause us to look differently at something.

If you crawl up do a little thing on the ground and you put it two inches away from your eyes, it looks really big, absolutely, And I think that's a question like that, and it's inverse that you use, which is what big thing am I thinking is little? But yeah, those are just quick ways of changing perspective, and ultimately that's what we want from a question, right, we want it to cause us to look differently at something.

Yeah, I think again, it's sort of circling back to what we talked about at the beginning, of what we focus on. And even as you were talking, I was thinking about moments in my day where I will be distracted by something and I will turn that into this big thing and it's really not worth my time or energy to start obsessing. It's so easy for me to do that because, especially in a season like this one, where so much is going on and I'm trying to accomplish a lot in a given day, I can get really sort of obsessively focused on something. I'm like, oh my gosh, here's a perfect example. I have a really full day, I'm doing this conversation with you, and then I have a bunch of personal projects that I'm trying to get done. All of these things going against launching a book, which is just a lot of work and a lot of energy. If I want to do it well, and I do really want to do a good job for my readers in my community. And I got a request from my publisher. They had an idea for something they wanted to do, and can you also write this piece for us and then we're going to push it out. And I just immediately like I got so anxious because I'm like, I don't wait, I don't have time, and I'm already so overwhelm and can I write something? I'd know I don't I've time to write anything. And I really was sort of spinning before I got on this conversation with you, and an older version of me would just completely go off the rails with that. I would give incredible meaning to I have too much and I don't have enough time, and I'm not supported, and like just all these stories I might tell myself, and then it just popped in like, oh no, you just tell me don't time. It's that easy, Like this is actually you need to not make this such a big deal. You're allowed to just say no, thank you and move on with your life. That truly would have taken me a whole day, if not hours, in the past, and it ended up taking eleven minutes took me eleven minutes to figure out that I was allowed to say no and to move on, and it really just wasn't that big of a deal. I love the reminder that the meaning that we give to things is a big determining factor in how we're able to navigate life. Yeah. So if you're giving this big meaning to something that's actually quite small, it's going to make everything seem way more serious than it actually is.

Yeah, I think again, it's sort of circling back to what we talked about at the beginning, of what we focus on. And even as you were talking, I was thinking about moments in my day where I will be distracted by something and I will turn that into this big thing and it's really not worth my time or energy to start obsessing. It's so easy for me to do that because, especially in a season like this one, where so much is going on and I'm trying to accomplish a lot in a given day, I can get really sort of obsessively focused on something. I'm like, oh my gosh, here's a perfect example. I have a really full day, I'm doing this conversation with you, and then I have a bunch of personal projects that I'm trying to get done. All of these things going against launching a book, which is just a lot of work and a lot of energy. If I want to do it well, and I do really want to do a good job for my readers in my community. And I got a request from my publisher. They had an idea for something they wanted to do, and can you also write this piece for us and then we're going to push it out. And I just immediately like I got so anxious because I'm like, I don't wait, I don't have time, and I'm already so overwhelm and can I write something? I'd know I don't I've time to write anything. And I really was sort of spinning before I got on this conversation with you, and an older version of me would just completely go off the rails with that. I would give incredible meaning to I have too much and I don't have enough time, and I'm not supported, and like just all these stories I might tell myself, and then it just popped in like, oh no, you just tell me don't time. It's that easy, Like this is actually you need to not make this such a big deal. You're allowed to just say no, thank you and move on with your life. That truly would have taken me a whole day, if not hours, in the past, and it ended up taking eleven minutes took me eleven minutes to figure out that I was allowed to say no and to move on, and it really just wasn't that big of a deal. I love the reminder that the meaning that we give to things is a big determining factor in how we're able to navigate life. Yeah. So if you're giving this big meaning to something that's actually quite small, it's going to make everything seem way more serious than it actually is.

Yep. Yeah, That's another favorite question of mine, which is like, what am I making this mean? And what else might it mean? We are creating meaning all the time. You can't not do it. The brain simply will do it no matter what. But recognizing that there is a construction process going on in there and that just that which we just generally don't do, right, we think that the meaning is what we think it means. You believe it so thoroughly. Y I watched this with my partner, Ginny's mother when she had Alzheimer's, and I watched her like arrive at conclusions that were preposterous that she believed absolutely. When someone's brain is not working that well, you sort of get to see the process that we all go through. It's just so exaggerated that you can see the little bits of it a little bit better. And I could see that in her. It would just the brain wouldn't be like, well, I don't know, it doesn't do that. It's like, oh, it just fills in a meaning and then you buy it one hundred Yes, it's amazing.

Yep. Yeah, That's another favorite question of mine, which is like, what am I making this mean? And what else might it mean? We are creating meaning all the time. You can't not do it. The brain simply will do it no matter what. But recognizing that there is a construction process going on in there and that just that which we just generally don't do, right, we think that the meaning is what we think it means. You believe it so thoroughly. Y I watched this with my partner, Ginny's mother when she had Alzheimer's, and I watched her like arrive at conclusions that were preposterous that she believed absolutely. When someone's brain is not working that well, you sort of get to see the process that we all go through. It's just so exaggerated that you can see the little bits of it a little bit better. And I could see that in her. It would just the brain wouldn't be like, well, I don't know, it doesn't do that. It's like, oh, it just fills in a meaning and then you buy it one hundred Yes, it's amazing.

And I think an expression I heard someone say this years ago. I don't remember who, but they said, the very first thought your brain has is what you're programming tells you is true, And the second thought your brain has is who you actually are. And the example that I always think of this is seeing another woman walking down the street and she could be in maybe her outfit's really sexy, or maybe her outfit's like crazy, or maybe it doesn't even matter what it is. But before I can think anything else, my brain will supply a judgment, a judgment of her outfit, a judgment of who she is, a judgment, and then immediately I'm like, oh, gross, no, man, like, we are not that person, Like we don't judge, and who cares what she's wearing? And maybe she feels fabulous and like that color looks great on her. And the second thought I have I think is who I really am, and that first thought is just the subconscious programming that tells me that I should judge another woman because that is something I saw modeled a lot growing up.

And I think an expression I heard someone say this years ago. I don't remember who, but they said, the very first thought your brain has is what you're programming tells you is true, And the second thought your brain has is who you actually are. And the example that I always think of this is seeing another woman walking down the street and she could be in maybe her outfit's really sexy, or maybe her outfit's like crazy, or maybe it doesn't even matter what it is. But before I can think anything else, my brain will supply a judgment, a judgment of her outfit, a judgment of who she is, a judgment, and then immediately I'm like, oh, gross, no, man, like, we are not that person, Like we don't judge, and who cares what she's wearing? And maybe she feels fabulous and like that color looks great on her. And the second thought I have I think is who I really am, and that first thought is just the subconscious programming that tells me that I should judge another woman because that is something I saw modeled a lot growing up.

Yeap.

Yeap.

So I think it's okay what your brain supplies as meaning if you can catch it, if you.

So I think it's okay what your brain supplies as meaning if you can catch it, if you.

Can notice the thought precisely because you can't stop it. Yes, I don't think meditation is for everyone by any stretch of the imagination. I think everybody should try it, though, and the reason is because you will realize very quickly like you are not the author of the thoughts that are coming up. They just come up whether you want them to or not, and you're not really even controlling what they are. It's happening on its own.

Can notice the thought precisely because you can't stop it. Yes, I don't think meditation is for everyone by any stretch of the imagination. I think everybody should try it, though, and the reason is because you will realize very quickly like you are not the author of the thoughts that are coming up. They just come up whether you want them to or not, and you're not really even controlling what they are. It's happening on its own.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think that's really good for us to be able to do what you say, which is let the first thought come recognize its condition. I'm not bad because I have it, it's just what the brain does. But is that who I want to be? Yeah?

And I think that's really good for us to be able to do what you say, which is let the first thought come recognize its condition. I'm not bad because I have it, it's just what the brain does. But is that who I want to be? Yeah?

And I think again, going back to this idea of training our thoughts to catch it and redirect it in the same way that I would do with my children. I watch my kids say something or see something or focus on something, and I know that the thing that they're thinking is like, maybe it's my daughter and she says something rude to her brother, and then they're you know, I want to redirect or I want to give her information about how that might feel to the person who's receiving it, even if he is your big brother, and even if he did bug you. And you know, it shows up a lot with my kids of trying to make their siblings human in their mind, because in their mind like, oh, that's my brother and he's the worst, but to oh, how would that feel if someone said that to you? And how you know, would that hurt your heart? And you know, just I think it's the same thing that we need to do with ourselves. Parents especially, I think are really we're so much more compassionate to our children. We're so much more graceful with our children than we would ever be with our internal monologue. So if you can begin to think through that lens of like, oh, yeah, okay, we did think that, but here's what we actually want to think. Or I think a really good example of this is if you catch yourself, let's say you see someone who's in your industry, whatever that is, whether it's another mama like you say, oh mama, or it's someone who does what you do. You see them and you judge what they're doing, or you think something unkind about them, And if you're really honest with yourself, that judgment or that criticism is coming from a place of jealousy, like when you see that kind of oh, that's what I'm doing. And it's really hard to admit because none of us want to admit that we're that person. But if you can notice that and actually I have taught myself to do this and it's so annoying, but it really does work. Is to stop the unkind thought or to stop the judgmental thought and force myself to say a prayer for more success for that person. Man, she is an example that success is possible, and look at what she's getting to do and like, wouldn't that be so amazing? Number one, to pray for more success for the person that you are judging, for the person that you're if you're being honest, a bit jealous of. And number two, to see that jealousy as a clue for things that you wish you had. So so often I think like the internet is filled with people who are actually jealous of the people they're judging, but they don't realize that's what it is. I think that that signal it's manifesting maybe in unkind ways, you know, trolls tearing apart people in the comment section. But I think what's really there, don't I don't think it's like an evil person who's like waving their pitchfork. I think it's someone who like has some untapped potential, some untapped desires, and they're not even in touch with themselves enough to know that that jealousy is a signal like, well maybe I could write a book. Well maybe I could learn to play guitar. Maybe I can try and do that thing. So just understand that the jealousy, again, if you can look at your own foibles without judgment, is a really good indicator of maybe something that you want to make change on in your life.

And I think again, going back to this idea of training our thoughts to catch it and redirect it in the same way that I would do with my children. I watch my kids say something or see something or focus on something, and I know that the thing that they're thinking is like, maybe it's my daughter and she says something rude to her brother, and then they're you know, I want to redirect or I want to give her information about how that might feel to the person who's receiving it, even if he is your big brother, and even if he did bug you. And you know, it shows up a lot with my kids of trying to make their siblings human in their mind, because in their mind like, oh, that's my brother and he's the worst, but to oh, how would that feel if someone said that to you? And how you know, would that hurt your heart? And you know, just I think it's the same thing that we need to do with ourselves. Parents especially, I think are really we're so much more compassionate to our children. We're so much more graceful with our children than we would ever be with our internal monologue. So if you can begin to think through that lens of like, oh, yeah, okay, we did think that, but here's what we actually want to think. Or I think a really good example of this is if you catch yourself, let's say you see someone who's in your industry, whatever that is, whether it's another mama like you say, oh mama, or it's someone who does what you do. You see them and you judge what they're doing, or you think something unkind about them, And if you're really honest with yourself, that judgment or that criticism is coming from a place of jealousy, like when you see that kind of oh, that's what I'm doing. And it's really hard to admit because none of us want to admit that we're that person. But if you can notice that and actually I have taught myself to do this and it's so annoying, but it really does work. Is to stop the unkind thought or to stop the judgmental thought and force myself to say a prayer for more success for that person. Man, she is an example that success is possible, and look at what she's getting to do and like, wouldn't that be so amazing? Number one, to pray for more success for the person that you are judging, for the person that you're if you're being honest, a bit jealous of. And number two, to see that jealousy as a clue for things that you wish you had. So so often I think like the internet is filled with people who are actually jealous of the people they're judging, but they don't realize that's what it is. I think that that signal it's manifesting maybe in unkind ways, you know, trolls tearing apart people in the comment section. But I think what's really there, don't I don't think it's like an evil person who's like waving their pitchfork. I think it's someone who like has some untapped potential, some untapped desires, and they're not even in touch with themselves enough to know that that jealousy is a signal like, well maybe I could write a book. Well maybe I could learn to play guitar. Maybe I can try and do that thing. So just understand that the jealousy, again, if you can look at your own foibles without judgment, is a really good indicator of maybe something that you want to make change on in your life.

Yeah, You've got a question later in the book around the same idea, which is why do you believe what you believe? And I think, you know, kind of going back to the jealousy thing and other things. You know, I think it's good to always question your thoughts. You know, why do I think this way? Why do I feel this way? And we've talked about like not believing your first thought. I think there's a corollary of that to me, which is the more strongly I feel it, the more suspicious I know I am of it.

Yeah, You've got a question later in the book around the same idea, which is why do you believe what you believe? And I think, you know, kind of going back to the jealousy thing and other things. You know, I think it's good to always question your thoughts. You know, why do I think this way? Why do I feel this way? And we've talked about like not believing your first thought. I think there's a corollary of that to me, which is the more strongly I feel it, the more suspicious I know I am of it.

Oh that's good.

Oh that's good.

Right, Like the more it's just because it feels even more certain. Yeah, and I go, wait, hang on a second, Like sometimes it's it's spot on, but sometimes that's a real sign to me that like I'm going off the rails on something because it's that emotionally weighted.

Right, Like the more it's just because it feels even more certain. Yeah, and I go, wait, hang on a second, Like sometimes it's it's spot on, but sometimes that's a real sign to me that like I'm going off the rails on something because it's that emotionally weighted.

Yeah, that's such a good one too, because the emotional piece is when I feel something that strongly, it is my emotion. It is not like my smart brain talking. It is not the rational part of me. It is usually my most emotional self. And she never makes good decisions. She really does not. She makes decisions out of fear. She makes decisions and anger. She does a lot of things that end up hurting me and that I then need to clean up later. So a great thing I've learned over the last ten years especially, and I think this just comes with getting older, is to sit, to sit and not make a move, to not do anything, to wait and see if this very strong and intense feeling I am having dissipates because then it's not sort of rational thinking, it's just my emotional side wanting to show up and have an opinion. Yeah, yep.

Yeah, that's such a good one too, because the emotional piece is when I feel something that strongly, it is my emotion. It is not like my smart brain talking. It is not the rational part of me. It is usually my most emotional self. And she never makes good decisions. She really does not. She makes decisions out of fear. She makes decisions and anger. She does a lot of things that end up hurting me and that I then need to clean up later. So a great thing I've learned over the last ten years especially, and I think this just comes with getting older, is to sit, to sit and not make a move, to not do anything, to wait and see if this very strong and intense feeling I am having dissipates because then it's not sort of rational thinking, it's just my emotional side wanting to show up and have an opinion. Yeah, yep.

I sometimes think I'm too good at that, meaning that I'm so good at like Okay, just let the emotional energy settle before you do anything, which is really good generally, but I think that what it can turn into for me is that it's hard for me to broach difficult things with people, and sometimes I need that emotional energy to do it. And if I let the emotional energy settle, what ends up happening is my brain comes in and goes, that's not really important, that's you know, Oh, it's just it talks it away and then you know it's a big thing that actually does need addressed. That I talk myself into making it a little thing.

I sometimes think I'm too good at that, meaning that I'm so good at like Okay, just let the emotional energy settle before you do anything, which is really good generally, but I think that what it can turn into for me is that it's hard for me to broach difficult things with people, and sometimes I need that emotional energy to do it. And if I let the emotional energy settle, what ends up happening is my brain comes in and goes, that's not really important, that's you know, Oh, it's just it talks it away and then you know it's a big thing that actually does need addressed. That I talk myself into making it a little thing.

And I think that's.

And I think that's.

Why with all this stuff, it's so helpful to know, like you said it very early on, to know yourself. Yeah, and it's why advice is not a one size fits all thing, and you talk about that early in the book also, that like if you think someone else can give you all the answers, you're going to be disappointed. I used to coach people a lot, and you'd end up giving people completely different advice because they were different people they needed different things, you know. And so I think that these questions are it's good to know your tendencies and yourself so that you can go, oh, okay, you know what. Maybe I'm the person who swallows it all the time, so instead I need to actually use the emotional energy, where on the other hand, you might be, like you're describing, I end up saying stuff all the time that I should not have said, right, Like, I'm always getting myself in trouble. Maybe I need to, you know, pause a beat. And I think we all have some of both in there.

Why with all this stuff, it's so helpful to know, like you said it very early on, to know yourself. Yeah, and it's why advice is not a one size fits all thing, and you talk about that early in the book also, that like if you think someone else can give you all the answers, you're going to be disappointed. I used to coach people a lot, and you'd end up giving people completely different advice because they were different people they needed different things, you know. And so I think that these questions are it's good to know your tendencies and yourself so that you can go, oh, okay, you know what. Maybe I'm the person who swallows it all the time, so instead I need to actually use the emotional energy, where on the other hand, you might be, like you're describing, I end up saying stuff all the time that I should not have said, right, Like, I'm always getting myself in trouble. Maybe I need to, you know, pause a beat. And I think we all have some of both in there.

Yeah, that's a really good one. The understanding and knowing myself. I mean, I think it's a lifelong journey for all of us, but it really is something that I've only leaned into in the last decade. And I think that's because I was raised in an environment. I was raised a really religious home and a religious community, and so there really wasn't a lot of concern about knowing yourself. It was just about knowing the rules of our church community, and it was about you know, doing things that would make God happy, and not making mistakes and not being a sinner, and just like this whole litany of rules, and it was really just how can I be the best at following these rules and very little awareness of like who am I and what do I like and what am I interested in? And so it's only in the last decade that I've understood that that's a very important piece of being a human being, is knowing who you are, and that it's not something that you're just going to snap your fingers and immediately figure out. It is a journey inward. And questions for me have always been this great way to find answers, and I thought if I could just share some of those answers with anyone who might read the book, that it could be helpful for them, and it didn't require me to know what was best for someone else, which obviously we can't do. I used to think that I could learn enough that I would know what was best for everybody, And now I understand, Oh, gosh, how ridiculous that you know. I can only speak from my perspective, my worldview. But I love that there are questions, and gosh, there's twenty six in the book, but probably a million in life that we would all come to with completely different perspectives and completely different opinions. And my dream, my hope is that anybody who does read the book actually does not read what I wrote about the question before they consider the question, because it's very possible you hear the question and you didn't equate it to you know, family boundaries at all. Like maybe it took you in a completely different direction, but I see it through the lens of dealing within laws, right, So that's a the beauty of a great question is that it might take you in a completely different direction than it takes me.

Yeah, that's a really good one. The understanding and knowing myself. I mean, I think it's a lifelong journey for all of us, but it really is something that I've only leaned into in the last decade. And I think that's because I was raised in an environment. I was raised a really religious home and a religious community, and so there really wasn't a lot of concern about knowing yourself. It was just about knowing the rules of our church community, and it was about you know, doing things that would make God happy, and not making mistakes and not being a sinner, and just like this whole litany of rules, and it was really just how can I be the best at following these rules and very little awareness of like who am I and what do I like and what am I interested in? And so it's only in the last decade that I've understood that that's a very important piece of being a human being, is knowing who you are, and that it's not something that you're just going to snap your fingers and immediately figure out. It is a journey inward. And questions for me have always been this great way to find answers, and I thought if I could just share some of those answers with anyone who might read the book, that it could be helpful for them, and it didn't require me to know what was best for someone else, which obviously we can't do. I used to think that I could learn enough that I would know what was best for everybody, And now I understand, Oh, gosh, how ridiculous that you know. I can only speak from my perspective, my worldview. But I love that there are questions, and gosh, there's twenty six in the book, but probably a million in life that we would all come to with completely different perspectives and completely different opinions. And my dream, my hope is that anybody who does read the book actually does not read what I wrote about the question before they consider the question, because it's very possible you hear the question and you didn't equate it to you know, family boundaries at all. Like maybe it took you in a completely different direction, but I see it through the lens of dealing within laws, right, So that's a the beauty of a great question is that it might take you in a completely different direction than it takes me.

I think that's a great aspiration for the book. And back to what we talked about earlier, this idea of applying versus learning, answering the question ourselves as honestly as we can as the application of the knowledge. And I know myself that I tend to go through books like that and it'll be like contemplate X, Y and Z or write this, and I'm like, okay, well just.

I think that's a great aspiration for the book. And back to what we talked about earlier, this idea of applying versus learning, answering the question ourselves as honestly as we can as the application of the knowledge. And I know myself that I tend to go through books like that and it'll be like contemplate X, Y and Z or write this, and I'm like, okay, well just.

Keep reading, right, yes, keep reading.

Keep reading, right, yes, keep reading.

Yeah, I know exercises are good, but now some of that As a profession, I get through these books in order to do interviews on them. If I sat and answered every reflection question, I'd never get anywhere right. But I do think it's a tendency of all of us in general, because it is easier to just keep reading than it is to actually ask ourselves a difficult question that causes us to go uh, I don't.

Yeah, I know exercises are good, but now some of that As a profession, I get through these books in order to do interviews on them. If I sat and answered every reflection question, I'd never get anywhere right. But I do think it's a tendency of all of us in general, because it is easier to just keep reading than it is to actually ask ourselves a difficult question that causes us to go uh, I don't.

Know, yeah for sure, because it's a going back to this idea of you could just get a bunch of ideas and not actually have to hold a mirror up to yourself. I am such a huge fan of journaling. It is a massive part of my life and has been for decades and decades, and I think because that was my first form of therapy, Like writing in a diary as a little girl was how I got things out. And in my diary I was allowed to say that this was hard and that this thing happened and I don't feel safe, and like I was allowed to say all those things I couldn't say to my parents. So I still carry that with me today, And sometimes I don't like what is coming up when in journaling. You know, sometimes I'm like, well that's a bummer, like or god, I were still in this thought pattern, or dang it that's not who I want to be. That's not the kind of attitude I want to have around things. But for me, that journal is it's my mirror. It's like, this is what is really going on. And I love, love, love journaling every day. But I know that's not for everybody. And I think that even if all you do is sit down when the mood strikes you, maybe it's once a week ideally, or even once a month, and just give yourself a time limit, say I'm going to write, no matter what, for fifteen minutes without stopping. Give yourself a prompt, like the things I want to improve this year are or something I'm really struggling with is, And just promise yourself that you will not stop writing until the timer goes off, and you don't even think about it, don't question it. Just like free form, just everything that comes out, and then go back through and read what you wrote. You will surprise yourself. It's where your inner thoughts sort of bubble up from. It's where intuition will show up. It's where the truth will come out. Because we're really good at putting layers in and muting things and numbing things and not facing the truth. But if you just let yourself sort of get it out, some really incredible truths emerge and you can't unsee them once you've seen them. I always say, you don't have to change, you don't have to take a step, you don't have to do anything. But once you have the knowledge, you can't unknow it. Yeah, and even if all you do is kind of sit with the knowledge for a while, I think that's a fantastic first step to understanding that change needs to happen.