Hey, Loftmates! Cece and co head to an Indian speed dating event, and it somehow leads to Jess and Dr. Sam breaking up. We've got the guy who scripted this chaos, David Iserson, in the studio to walk us through the pranks, the building competitions, and punching an ex's crush.
Hey, babe.
Yeah, babe, babe. What's that happening? Babe, babe, babe.
I'm very excited about today.
Oh yeah, Table thirty four.
Table thirty four aka known to me this episode as the Kobe Bryant episode. This was that episode, the episode I knew you didn't remember, And that's it's like permanently in my brain. And the reason why it's permanently put into my brain as the Kobe Bryant episode is because it's my one picture with Kobe and it's me, Kobe and Max dressed in full Indian garb with the headdress on.
Oh my gosh.
And that's why I'm always like Table thirty four. I'll never be like, oh, I wonder which one, because we all just look like our normal characters. No, Max is head to toe looking like he's from the Love Guru.
I mean that's not.
Everybody.
Yeah, I remember that, And it's funny you say that because you guys were filming one particular scene on stage when he walked in, and so I was. I wasn't in that moment. I remember being out by my trailer, walking to my trailer and in the distance I see one of the execs and this tall gentleman.
And I'm not joking.
I couldn't make out the face, just shapes, and it might have been seventy yards away. I knew it was Kobe Bryant because I know how he walks. I'm a huge basketball fan. But I was like, it's either Kobe or someone who walks like Kobe. And he was wearing a full on like basketball Yeah, he was could have been to Ko Wanabe.
He was with Melvin Marr. It was Melvin who brought him.
Actually, I don't think it was Melvin.
It was Melvin.
No, I don't think it was. It was he's wearing glasses, he had great gray hair. I'm I'm not forgetting his name, but it wasn't because Melvin is friends with him, but Melvin didn't bring him to the stage.
Are you sure?
Thousand percent?
Positive?
Positive?
And you know how I know because Melvin and Jake Kasden are producing partners.
And really close.
Yeah. Jake Kasden when Kobe came in, goes, what's Kobe doing here? Because he's a Knicks fan. Oh, and he was like he was happy to see Kobe. Sure, but he was kind of like, we're we still have a show to shoot.
No way.
No, if Melvin brought him to the stage, he would have known that he was coming. Melvin would have given him his heads up that I'm about to interrupt your shoot.
Maybe then what I'm remembering, I am going to text Melvin. But what I'm remembering is Melvin explained to me then why Kobe was there.
Yes, because Kobe and Melvin were close.
Got it, got it, got it.
So maybe it's Melvin explained what the drop in was really about.
Right, And I remember as he got closer and closer, my heart started pounding.
I was like, oh my god, there he is. Oh my god.
The third greatest player of all time.
What's really funny? If you say yourself's number one, I'm going to pass out.
It's Lebron James, Michael jordanby bro Okay.
I thought, just for sure, you're gonna squeak yourself in there no reason.
I mean lately I played the other day. I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't have it anymore. I was playing with some young kids.
You're just really in the honesty game right now, very self aware, didn't have it. I was with someone recently who was asking me about Megan Fox being on the show, and I was saying how it was really funny because all of a sudden the set got busier when when Meghan was on set, you know, and all of a sudden, it's like, oh, there's light bulb, looks like it's out and they were just like hanging out. And I said, but that wasn't the person that came to our set that drew the most people that didn't have to be there. Person was Kobe.
Was Kobe.
Yeah, I remember, all of a sudden there were so many people like people ran and also like a Megan Fox reaction, but even worse, you could feel the energy. Nobody approached him. They all just stood like a like twenty feet away and just looked yeah, and they just wanted to be in his like orbit.
I remember Jake, Jake Johnson asking him he was. They were sitting at Video Village and Jake goes, so what do you uh? He's like, so what are you doing here? You're thinking about getting into TV production? And Jay and Kobe, without even making eye contact with Jake, kept looking at the monitor and he goes, I.
Do what I do, man, I do what I do?
Get That.
Was the response.
That was the response funny enough. Kobe then goes into production. Sure, yeah, when's a oscar?
Yeah, stole it all from the set at Table thirty four. Have I told you what happened with Kobe and myself, but that it's about.
So he was.
I remember everybody was just like lurking right like twenty feet away, just staring at him or coming up and saying something but like a shaky, nervous voice. And then they're like, okay, cool because I have a conversation now, and then just like belly crawling away. And I didn't really care that much, to be honest with I was like, oh cool, Kobe Bryant. But it didn't like activate some sort of like panic response in my Canadian I'm Canadian.
Vince Carter showed up, you might have been yeah. Bands, Kyle Lawry showed up items.
Like a bank like I was like a Grizzlies fan. When we had the country read that's right, big country country. I know, biby love baby raheem.
Oh, I listen, I know all about these guys.
Come on, just keep going, keep going as Memphis. This is now a basketball podcast. Yes you did it, You're dreaming true. So what I remember was it was kind of like that weird energy because everybody he just had this like huge expectation or this moment and they were gonna go home and write their diaries and call their moms or whatever. So he was sitting in a director's chair and like just outside of her like cast holding was alone. Yeah, no one was talking to him, no one was near him, and there was one chair next to him, and no one was there. And I was wearing, as usual, the most uncomfortable shoes on planet Earth. And we just finished whatever the take was, and so I just went and sat in the empty chair, not for like, ooh, I'm going to sit next to Kobe and talk to him. So I sat there, and then he and I started talking, and I like, how you don't believe it. Look at the look on your face.
Let me tell you something, Kobe Bryant sitting down, You have a whole trailer.
I want everybody to shoes hurt so bad. Away some high heels right now, make you walk around the block. You're going to take the first available.
Seat, Yeah, especially if it's next to Kobe Bryant. I know you would.
I'm talking about me and my choices. Okay, anyway, I sat next the goby, I swear, So I sit there and I'm not talking to him right because I'm just like, well, like all right, like hi, Hi. But then we start chatting and it was during a new setup, but we talked for like I want to say, like over half an hour and it's me and you know, these kind of chats that I like to have, and I was sort of like, well, where did you grow up and like did you always want to play basketball? Like was this really something that mattered to you like as a child, Like did you figure it out early? And it was just so funny. He just fully was like vulnerable and talked about how it was something that like made his dad really happy. I feel like he talked about that a little bit, and then that was like his relationship with basketball. It was like the connection to like his dad. And then we kind of got really deep into that and then I was talking about my dad and then connecting as a child with a parent and then do you really love basketball when you're a kid or you're doing it just because? And we had this really deep chat and it was really really lovely and I was just like what a like kind like vulnerable boy.
I've asked that same question to other NBA players, like what made you get into basketball? You know what the response.
Is those.
What Kobe did not say.
They did say that he got very vulnerable and talked about his childhood and really like re examined II that was the love of basketball itself? Or really was it just like connection?
It's always so funny.
This is how you know that people are gifted when it's not even truly their first love, right they but they go on to become iconic for doing it. Me, basketball will always remain number one in my life over acting, you know, but I can't play.
It at the gift there, Like this sucks?
Man?
Do you understand what my brain just did. You just said this is how you know people are gifted. And what I thought was coming was you were going to say the way you got that man to open up and really just share his truth. And I was like, no, we still talking about Kobe and basketball. And I don't think I don't have a full circle moment about like you recognizing like a gift I have.
I don't think it was interview skills.
I was even trying to interview. I just have that magic about me. People trust me.
You are very charismatic, lovely young lady and what I was looking for.
But I had nothing interview skills.
You're in Oprah, you know what.
But you know what, You can give me another compliment to You can say because I was cute that he said nice, that's okay. You can also say that I'll take that right now.
Why Prince was emailing you and not me.
I also had some vulnerable talks with Prince. Don't don't do it. Let me believe my truth. Let me believe my truth. It's because I got the chat.
I don't want to hire you as my lawyer.
Agents take all those percentages.
All I want is basketball tickets.
I want.
All right, We're gonna talk about Table thirty four when we come back aka the Kobe Bryant episode.
Folks.
One of the writers for this episode a lovely young man by the name of David Iserson. Yes, David Iserson is not only a novelist, but he is also a screenwriter producer from Freehold, New Jersey.
Shout out to New Jersey.
I used to live in New Jersey and one of his first jobs was writing on sat Today Night Live. Pedigree Baby Comedy Institution now. Since then, he's worked on shows like Mister Robot and mad Man, written a movie called The Spy Who Dumped Me?
Love that movie.
He wrote a young adult novel yes, named Firecracker.
Yeah it's great.
I read it, but it's here today. Not only because he was a producer on New Girl, but he also wrote Table thirty four.
He wrote this episode that we're gonna talk about today. M makes him the perfect guest.
Sir David Iserson, what.
Everybody, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
So today we are uncovering episode two sixteen, Table thirty four, Just right right off the top, What do you remember about this episode?
Okay, so the most memorable thing about this episode, because I really had not like looked at it thought about it since I mean, the most memorable thing is that Kobe Bryant was there.
Yeah. Yeah, well let me just say something. You remembered it? Do you know who didn't remember that?
It's not that I didn't remember. I wasn't putting it together. I remember as soon as she said it, I was like, yes, I remember that. Yeah, because he walked in. You guys were dressed like Max was dressed. Yeah, you know, and something that Max probably would never wear in his regular life, like.
It was just like the life I mean, I mean that was the most obvious, the thing that felt the most schmid thing of that episode. And that's how I can definitely place myself in that episode, because I have pictures of Kobe Bryant there.
And Max Head did you get that Kobe was coming?
We got I got almost no heads up. So the story, as I was told, was that he would pass by the Fox lot on his way to practice, and he thought, I wonder what they do there, and he called someone who called someone who he had a day off, and he was like, I'm going to spend the day on the Fox lot, and they brought him around. And I certainly not the most sportsy person on the writing staff, but I was the one covering set.
It was.
Yeah, I think it was the same day that Norman Lear was visiting the writer's room.
That's right, So remember that.
So, like, I mean, my my geeky fandom is much more for sitcom history.
So I didn't hang out.
I didn't meet Norman Lear, but I spent the day sitting next to movie, which I understood the significance. It just it just was not exactly were my fan.
Late.
So I yeah, so he was sitting on you would sit on set, you know, they put him in a director's chair, and he was very very interest because we were definitely there for like Schmid's big speech, and we had a lot of alts, which I imagine for an observer seeing a lot of the alternate lines, it was not as fun for the actors. But but yeah, so so Kobe was, he was laughing, he was he was into it. It was it was it was wild, it was a it was a it.
Was a really surreal day. Oh yeah, it's so funny to think that Kobe Bryant heard Indian get your Shit Together. He heard it, he laughed at it, discussing on my whole country. Yeah, that's so funny.
Okay, we're here with David Aerson, writer of episode to sixteen, Table thirty four, So let's break down the episode.
After the kiss, the kiss.
Nick and jests they do their best to avoid each other, but trust me, it is more awkward than a family member asking you for money. Again, that was a joke that was written in here, but it's so true.
This is so true to my life.
Winston declares himself the mojo man, after having great sex with Daisy because Winston still got it. That's when CC attends an Indian marriage convention and the gang all crash, just like the gang always somehow does they crash things? Now quickly we see Schmid is clearly and still in love with Cec, while everything Nick can just try to do to prove they aren't a couple backfires.
Jess eventually tells Sam about the kiss, which.
Leads to first of all, don't know why fuck you did, but it leads to him dumping her, but not before he punches Nick.
He hit that man right in the in the.
Solar plexus and the sharons.
Yeah.
Now, Schmid gives a wholesome speech about how great CC is in front of the convention, and it leads to them going back to his place and doing you know what.
Adults that that the turbinon.
That's right, you know it was it was something, It was something, It was something. Yeah, so there we go. That is indeed the episode table thirty four.
Let's dive right in.
Let's start from the top. This is my big question for you is about the moon walk away. Okay, where did that come from?
I'm trying to I don't recall it being my idea, but when I was rewatching the episode, I was like the original conception. I went back and like I looked at I wrote a version of this episode. Like at that point, I think we would get the writers would get like seven days to write an episode, and I think I was on I was on day six and three quarters and I got a call and said, we decided that Nick and Jess were gonna kiss in the episode before.
So what you're working.
On, we can't, We can't use it anymore. So so come in and I came in, and so the version of it, I mean, it was always going to be that the Indian marriage convention, but they don't think Nick was there. So I guess there was a there needed to be an idea of just Nick needed to want to avoid, want to not want to be around the loft. How would you get Nick to go to an Indian marriage convention, which would seem more rationally like something Nick would not want to do, of course, So I I have a vague memory that the moonwalk away was somehow part of establishing that Nick just didn't want to be there.
Yeah, right, he's just trying to avoid her at all costs.
Was this the first time we've seen him do the moonwalk?
I think so that was the first moonwalk.
I gotta imagine it becomes a thing.
But it becomes like this big thing, right, and people say it to me all the time. It's just like this funny nick thing. People do it, and I was just like, I wonder where it all is now?
So funny, It's a thing that was just in general people.
I'm going to moon walk away conversation.
Avoidance.
Listen.
It's it entered the zeitgeist and I'm sure it came around like at three a m.
One night.
Yeah, I mean it's a creative way to get away from someone.
So Jess she wants to tell Sam, she wants to tell him no.
And then that, Honestly, when I rewatched it what David Walton says to Zoe about when he rolls over and he's like, I can't look at you, but I can't help it. But I looked back at you. I was like, this is the dream and what someone was very sweet? It's a real sweet boyfriend. Where did that come from? Like this is what I do every morning? No, yeah, it must it must be.
I mean anything that like was you know, good boyfriend behavior. I must have been on a biographical.
No, there was.
There was a.
Really long runner, really long, like lengthy version of lots of things that would happen the episode, And I remember it was that every day he woke up and all he dreamed about was mountain biking. He and and so that like all in my like old drafts of it, it was like he would wake up and he's like, I had a dream I was mountain biking, like it just there was no nuance to it or anything like that. So I think there was there was a time when the episode was going to be about just just wondering if he wasn't deep enough, which.
Is sort of implied a little bit.
And but I think there just kind of needed to be a level of like we need to understand that, like there's something that's really you know, that she's really torn, Like he is a sweet guy.
It'd be really easy to just.
Kind of start making him an asshole and then make it kind of easy for her, too easy for them to to separate. But I think he wanted to make it a little bit you know, like mess it, mess it up a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, I mean it was such a smart way. Especially it's like a female of your watching it. I was like, oh my gosh, whatever his issues are if he's saying that to you every single morning, stick around, lady, So do you feel the loss at the end. He's a rare find a rare bird.
Well, to be fair, Okay, what he's wearing makeup?
You guys, she was wearing She was definitely wearing makeup in a way that I don't think was mentioned by by It wasn't necessarily employed.
I mean she didn't.
I think she didn't go to sleep. But her eye makeup was was pretty, was pretty on point.
Georgie did her makeup.
Georgie her makeup, and she did look gorgeous. She'd always looked gorgeous, but she did extra gorgeous for a morning. Yeah, I got it.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, that's not something we talked about this before. But like, I gotta be honest when I'm roll over, Like I love being here, but you and I.
Both right now, Yes, I was saying, he has to work on not telling the truth all the time in real women, in real life. This is a conversation in our friendship that I discussed sometimes we don't have to say it out loud.
You know, I have a hard time just looking you in your eye and lying. I have a hard time just feel like you're so beautiful right now, then you just don't say anything preface. Yeah, hold on, let me get some blush.
Hold let me breed that back.
If you open your kit in kaboodle and just like pop out all your makeup on a woman, I mean, it's getting, we're getting. We're getting in the weeds, my friend.
But yeah, because this is an audio mediu, I'm like, La mourn is not looking at a person like I think they think this would, This would be a lot more of a complicated statement, like if he was looking at one of us when he was doing the biting somebody. But he's like looking at a pretend person that is like floating in the air above him, and that that is who he is doing this bit too.
Yeah, it's like listen, I got you.
Yeah, those days are over though, I'm gonna start I'm gonna start lying more.
Now's the time, now's the time in life. I'm not happy for you with this.
That's a forty something year old man. I want to now start to lie.
And I think that's something that people should really be on board with. I was like, yeah, he should be a liar.
Be a bit of a liar.
Thank you.
This is your sister telling you.
Okay, so Jess, she tells Cecy, yeah that Nick kissed her And your response was.
What I remember doing that? And I just went like, what what I did? All these different ones And I don't know if it was you or if it was Tristram or who told me. They're like, could you just do one and just keep going? Like it was very family guy asked. They were just like, don't stop.
It was such a I don't remember, yeah, because it was such a good bet, because because it because the credits ran and then you were still doing it right. Yeah, it was really I'd love to take credit for I don't remember, but.
It was really I don't remember either because it wasn't my idea. I just because I and in the moment of doing it, I remember being like, this is weird as a human reaction to your friend, yeah yeah, yeah, going and to not like let the person now speak, but it works, and love that moment so much as the incredulous response to your friend doing something so dumb.
Oh yeah, I was thinking about that, because what happens is even we improvise a lot, and when someone you can, you can have as many variations as you want. But when someone then gives you that note, Like if someone would have given me that, I wouldn't have been able to do it as well, just because in my mind, I'm like, oh, I think I know what they're going for and it will work, But now I'm thinking too much about it, and I would have been like what and my voice would have cracked. They would have blown up, And you did it so perfectly.
Oh yeah, severe, Moment's a compliment I'm sending.
I told you. Moving on, Winston declares himself the Mojo Man.
Yeah, because she said it? What what did she say?
Like?
It was? He was pretty good?
Right?
Yeah, pretty deep, pretty good.
I remember again this goes back to when I was telling you about how I felt about my performance. Is in the first two seasons, I'm so critical of myself and how I wasn't I'm happier with season three, you.
Don't you know.
And while I was watching it and doing the Mojo Man dance, I was like, I could do that so much better. Now let's run that back. Let's do this episode again. Let's do this. There are so many parts of my performance that I was just over analyzing, going I wouldn't do that either. I think I'd make a different choice here. I make a different choice there. And the Mojo Man dance is something that I wish I could do again. Really, in fact, I'm.
Gonna do it again and post it on our Instagram.
Okay, yeah, really, I thought it was great. It made me laugh when I rewatched it. I don't know, I where did that come from?
My experience was and I mean there was a I think there were several different Winston stories. And I mean I'll compliment you because I will say that, like, I don't know that like we gave you a lot to do in that episode. I mean, I can, I can fall on the sword there, like, and you made it really funny. But I when I was watching it, I was like, oh, I feel a little bad because I think that like there is there was there was kind of an idea there, and I think you did a great job with it and made it really memorable. And I and I there was a I think there was a whole story at one point where like Winston's girlfriend is daring him to do a bunch of things and he's and it at one point it ended in him getting married to her, and I think there was just like some sort of eleventh hour like, yeah, but then we're gonna have to actually deal with Winston getting married off screen.
And I think ultimately we just.
Wanted everybody at the Indian marriage convention. And but I thought it was it was you did a really funny job, and then it was I think the the the bit that came from it about the woman who was running it.
Being attracted to you.
Also probably not my best writing I've ever done, but you did a really funny job with it.
It's so funny. So Mira Simmon plays Anu that character, and we're like old friends now, but that's where we first met. We ended up like doing a movie together. We ePAT a movie together. We're long friends. And she talks about how absolutely wonderful the experience was, and she thought it was so funny and such a funny, interesting character for like an Indian woman to play. Yeah, and it was those roles didn't exist, and she loved it, and she loved working with you because she got to just say all these super weird things and you were just like there for it. It's kind of weird when you were like, she sent me this video, we'll put it up on our Instagram. But she she sent me this video where she talked about it's kind of stranger. We're like walking onto this show. We were like a very well known and beloved show at that time, and you know, the cast is all in its grew in your guest cast, and she's got to do some and say some pretty crazy things to you. And she just said it was like the greatest experience. She got to be super funny and weird and she wasn't. You know, it wasn't like those roles were just like out there. So she had an awesome time with it.
I don't know how I felt in the moment, like while filming it, but I know how I felt after rewatching it, and I was like, damn, I'll come.
Wiston didn't go for that.
Yeah, I was shocked too. I was like, I don't understand. I was like, what, like, there's a vibe. Clearly.
I was like if I wish I had her bench in my button doing something like that.
What you call them blueberries?
Yeah?
I was like, whoa, what's the didn't cheat.
We should have established Winston as a cheater.
We should Yeah, we established now we established Lamorn as a forty something and Winston as a cheater.
Yeah that's true.
You stayed faithful and that that was actually quite nice.
Just because even which is funny because Daisy ends up cheating on Wednesday later.
Yeah, yeah, yeah becomes.
The other thing that was funny watching it back was when she when Mira or the a new character references the Watchers and it's Brett, Dave, Resol and Purple.
Yeah, yeah those are like, well, I mean, I I really Dave really popped as a real creep. I think I think I had to watch it a few times to like to catch who everybody was because it was only on for a second.
But Dave Vinkel.
Really his his his creepy expression, like like really really worked.
Yeah now that I'm saying, yeah, I mean bear Bear actually looks like he would be plucked out by some of the women being like hello, let's go, let's go in. But you think I'll really committed to the big eyes. We'll put this up on our Instagram to this picture. So that's two, you know, men behind the magic, and then are two uh Mercedes, yeahol Purple. Oh yeah, So why were they both there? It's really funny. Probably because Kobe was there. I think I imagine that was probably it.
Yeah, like I'll just jump in where there was like a call that went out that like we need creeps and like, guess I'll.
Have to do it. Okay, So flashback just reading a magazine man terrorism, Nick moon walks out.
Of the Living Yeah, more moonwalking.
More moonwalking. Yeah, he does moonwalking right before that as well.
So he gets out of everything.
Yeah, yeah, there's.
A lot of it just says Nick was a man and grabbed her. It was firm, tender, She's all through space and time. Yeah, that's interesting.
I saw the parallel in that because she gives that great speech where CEC's just like a lessening. But it reminded me then of this speech that Schmidt gives at the end right, or when he's talking to her to the side where he's talking about their sex. Right, It's like it's all the oppression and I could feel like the ancestral like this. It's very very very pointed thing. But it reminded me of how they both have are talking about this like unavoidable deeper than anything they've ever experienced connection between two people that they've experienced, both Jess and Schmidt, which is why they can't stop thinking about it. No, was that a choice or am I just like.
Yeah, I mean I think that there's lots of conversation. I mean I when I when I came into the show in the second season, there's always like the and I think it's true in any sitcom, like the will they or won't they conversation, like, you know, because I think we're all we all look at look to the past and sitcoms, and there's like a whole tradition of like on Cheers, like when Sam and Diane get together, does that hurt the show? And Moonlighting and can you ever come back? Like is there it? Will it break the show? And I I was definitely in the camp of like just start pushing them together and and I think that, you know, I think I think that feels I think having them kiss and us at least knowing that that's I mean, we I think anyone who watches the pilot of the show knows that we we're rooting for that. So yeah, anything that kind of like I think there's probably something to explore if they kissed, then there wasn't anything there. But I think that like and and we'll get to it when we talk about like all the things in the in the convention that like solidify that these two are meant for each other, which I which wasn't always going to be the case in that episode, and I think really works. So yeah, I mean when they kiss, it's gotta add to a bit of transformative moment.
Yeah, it was just the way she described that kiss. I feel like so many people can relate when you have the moment. We're like, well, that's just different, and I can't explain the why, but that's in my brain forever.
I've heard that many of times women write me emails.
I guess that we so you can't you kiss a kiss with a woman. And then like at a later date, she she goes to.
Lemorne at yahoo dot com and she's just like she's like, by the way.
She doesn't have his numbers, she can't text them, she has to send an email.
I don't give my phone number.
I give a fan email.
Just like you've changed by that. You're like, thanks for the email to my fake assistant.
You were mentioning the convention, The tables felt very caste system me.
Yeah, that's that feels like the cast system to me too.
Yeah. I think so if you were, if you were at one of these tables, what number, Because the lower the number, the better you are.
And that's what that rude guy when we do the speed dating things like I down date below tape, is implying, yes, you want to be in a higher number.
Yeah.
Was there was there any like pitching or conversation about the actual number thirty four?
It was fourteen, it was sixteen. I just was looking through my own old drafts and yeah, I think.
I don't even think.
I think I would have never conceived that there we would have fit that many tables. And I'm just sure there certainly we're not thirty four tables like on the sound stage. But I think that it was. It was more than I imagined there would be tables. And I don't remember when it got that high.
Wait, so one being great table?
One is a great table.
Yeah, it's a great table.
Where would you all be be honest with yourself?
Well, what does anusay? She says? The three things that land CCI at table there?
She says, She says, over thirty she says, no higher education, no like college degree?
Okay, and.
Sporadic employment.
Well, I have sporadic employment. I'm over thirty, but I have two higher degrees. Really don't look so surprised to do with that phase? Yeah, did you really? Yeah?
I have two degrees, but Canadian degrees?
You aw will I will say out right now, I swear yes everyone, So I wouldn't be table. I'd be a little higher than thirty four based on those yeah qualifiers. What about you? Table thirty four.
Is associate's degree count?
No? No that that there are a table thirty.
Four because I also didn't get one of those.
I like how you're practicing all your lying today.
Let's see I think I would well, Uh employment.
Sporadic employment you can no?
No, No, I've demo. I've signed a long contract with.
So that is your bank.
Yes, that's not sporadic. How often is your.
SAG health insurance lapse?
Because I think that that is gonna that is going to determine it.
What table would you be?
I mean, Jess is seven and I think i'll I'll say that I can beat seven or eight. Yeah, I'm a professional TV writer.
Yeah, Yeah, is the higher end tables over.
Here number two. I'll be at table number two.
You would just take a seat, Yeah, I would just.
Sit And then I pulled the race card if they made me move. Somebody pulled the.
Race card with Indians, they don't care.
Like I can't pull the race card with like dark Indians going to be like what was that? Yeah, I'd be like, okay, you got me. I have a question.
Was Sam's breakup too harsh? Now? If if I was dating someone.
And she told me, oh, this person just kiss me, I don't think I'd be so upset with her at that moment.
I would want to question him and.
Go, why would you just ran put your lips on my woman like that? I would have to question him about that.
He immediately got it, but he had just watched right at the convention that there was some undeniable chemistry. He could see that there was more to it. And then she didn't tell him immediately, and then he's just watching all this awkward tension. Then they built the world's strongest tiny table, which I don't know if I remember this correctly, but I feel like Jake just grabbed that man and made him jump on the table.
That is that is true and the man the man kind of fell right before the commercial.
Rank Yeah, because it was I can hear you know you can when you know someone really well. I could. I could tell that Jake in his own body could feel that the guy he grabbed was immediately nervous and not comfortable. And then you just hear Jake but it's nick but goes, it's real, man, it's real, like like this is a real moment. We're doing this, so you got to get up here and this man didn't. And then they fall and then they cut to commercial.
A look on his face like am I allowed? Is like like when I signed the contract or an extra today?
Am I allowed to do this?
Yeah?
Yeah. There was a lot of fear and Jake just being like, I'm doing this bit, You're doing it with me, and he goes, this is real, and I was like, this is you, as Jake Johnson reassuring this nervous man.
Jake likes to improvise danger. We had a moment in an episode where we had to slap each other. Jake was I want to say, he started that bit and his hands are so heavy and he really hits hard, as if he doesn't understand that this is TV. You don't actually have to.
I believe it. There's nothing new.
Yeah, like yeah, he Jake. Jake looks like somebody who's like roughed people up before when I met When I met Jake, we were doing improv. Yeah, we were at an improv theater here.
And he had some job that involved like.
Working at a poker casino, but like he wasn't like he was playing poker, but like it was, but it was like for the casino, and I'm like, that's it.
That's like a that's like a.
Job of somebody who is like mob tized or something like that.
Yeah. Yeah, it's like I had a friend back in the day. His family owned a garage and I was like, yeah, come on.
We know, we know what this is.
What's going on in the garage.
Buddy, there's some money laundering going on.
And the irony of that is that I had There was an episode where I had to kick Jake in the junk right and he went like off right before the scene and asked for a cup so he could dish it out, but he was terrified to take it.
Nobody wants to get kicked in the ball.
Yeah.
Yeah, even he got so scared. He was like, I don't trust her. I don't trust her, And I was like, I would never I understand how to do this. He's like, just in case, oh, speaking about getting kicked in the balls, where did the Sharons come from? Who's Sharon? I have no idea.
See, that is a joke that I think that I don't even remember, because I I don't think I ever watched this episode when it aired, Like I just like watched the cut, like I watched a cut and I don't think I watched it on TV, And I mean it's called back too, so he references it later, but like, I don't think that's the version of the joke that I'm familiar that I that I remember.
So I was.
I was am as surprised as you. I have no idea. Oh, I thought you were like, Oh, it's gonna be my aunt, my aunt Sharon, isn't she named? Would be a fun little moment for her.
We're gonna go to a quick break when we come back.
Hannah has to let us know she's discovered something in this episode. We'll be right back, and we are back, Hannah, where's the bear? Did you find it?
Where's the bear?
Just so you know, this is this in my obsession. Okay, I've talked to Liz about it too, because I'm just like very laser focused on this. There is a big fan theory that there is a bear in every episode.
Like like a picture like the.
Same bear something for a mention of the word bear or picture the bear, or like a little stuff teddy bear. We've had all types of bears, but there's somewhere in there and said or done or see and a lot of people don't believe it. I believe it. I believe that somehow it just lives in the show. And so in this episode, the bear is seen in the picture that's on the fridge. Now, I know a lot of people have issue with that because often when you can't find the bear, that's the one that we go to because that picture was always on the It's always there. But if there's other bears that I have missed in this episode, oh please let me know.
We we did miss one red.
Bear Watcher, the one of the pervs.
You've never helped me find the bear. This feels like a good moment in our friend.
Yeah, yeah, I hope you hope you even though that's not what the fans were looking for.
But they didn't know. Most people don't know. The watchers include Brett Bear.
Well, thanks Brett. Also, he's the creator of the show The Bear on Hulu FX.
What are you talking?
Created that show?
Brett Bhaar created that show, named it after himself. Yeah, switch the letters around.
Okay, So let's just talk a little bit about these speed dating exercises.
Yeah, right, there's a few.
For me. We mentioned it before. They're all stupid, like in real life, like the exercise. Ever done speed dating exercises?
I no, I've never done, And I wonder if it's something that only it only feels like it existed.
Yeah, I know, because I'm not sure if you can find love that way for real. Maybe people do, because they still do it obviously.
I have a lot of friends when they moved to LA did speed dating when they got here, like a real thing. Oh no, not successfully, but they went right And then I don't know what type of group of people that it pulls. But nobody's come out that I knew, came out with a like this person was awesome, it was came back with just great stories.
It pulls the type of people who were standing at the side of like that Jake would lift and put on the fake the fake table. That's that's that's the speed dating democrat, right, the one.
That kills me though. Yeah, well the table building exercise is fine. Yeah, well you got to have an engineering degree.
Okay, pulled off successfully the hula hoop thing.
I was like, that doesn't prove anything. That doesn't prove anything, right.
That that just proved that David Walton was tall.
I guess you can.
I guess you can make an argument that they were a bit incompatible because of how tall he was. Like when they woke up, they were certainly head to head, but you know, but during sex, they were.
We all the same height when we lay down. You know, That's what I'll always see it.
I don't remember. I remember so much about that episode, and for some reason, I don't remember having to do that wiggle. And I think it's because I probably felt so self conscious. You're just dissociated, that's right. I was just like, I'm just gonna blackout because it was always I remember Liz had me do. It was like season five. I had to. I don't know, I was like showing Jess how to dance or something. It was the Jessica Beale episode, and I had to like do this very similar movement. It like reminded me of it. And this was just like it just like does look really sexy. And there's nothing worse to hear than like make it look sexy, because you automatically your brain just goes like, well, I don't want to this is I just I.
Love my arm? Is this an arm? I don't know where the arm goes. And that's what people are tuning in for, just the sex. They can't find sexiness elsewhere. That's right, just they're turning into their their half hours that come before that.
Actually, but I don't remember that part at all. I do remember Max giving that speech to the side or that little explanation where he's like, you know, I'm a squirrel, you're my nut. It's on again. One of the it's just like Walton's thing at the top of the episode, one of the sweetest, most undeniable things that if someone said it to you, you would just smile and be like, oh man, this man's got it bad. It was really sweet. Do you remember that? I mean I remember that.
I mean broadly, the writers liked writing for Schmidt because we could put the weirdest, like jokiest TV writer things in his mouth and he would have to do it, and I yeah, I mean I remember having doing a whole row of different things that he would say. Remember Kobe Bryant behind me when it was happening, talking.
About yea, it was such a sweet, sweet moment. We did it with that cheeky smile and people love that line too. Yeah, yeah, little quotable romantic moment.
I remember Winston passing off, uh, this other guy, yeah, this jaguar. Yeah, And again while watching it, I was going, what.
What I was gonna I was gonna do? I was I couldn't remember. It's like, does she agree to this? Is that She's like, you'll do?
Do?
We establish that the thing that was most appealing about Winston was his height.
And his pant size. I don't know, because in every other way this man and you were completely different, completely different. Yeah.
I have the vaguest memory of like having to go through a few different options to try to think of the one that was most most still more in size, like I don't I don't remember if that was ever in the original. I think it was like a some eleventh hour thing, and we were probably looking around at the different extras and seeing who could do the yeah.
And then Schmidt picks up the mic and gives this passionate uh speech about how dumb everyone was or placing you at a specific table.
Or yeah, which then fully backfires. He thought it would just make me go like or go like, wow, you know how beautiful everybody else go yeah. So then he starts to insult parts of my body and reveal it to the room, which was also very funny.
What do you say one looks like a kick fight?
He's like, it's very disorienting, which then tells the room that he's seen them.
So funny, Well, I've seen them in that like and that it is a bit of a spectacle, like you might not want.
To see them, but you need to see them. Yeah, yeah, I remember that too. Now now I'm now I'm putting together that Kobe Bryant heard that speech about that part of my body, which just now we've thought about it because it's based in truth.
Made his Oscar winning animated movie, and just like pitching ideas that might have at least just like come out like just like in.
The tick bite in it. No bad idea, No bad ideas.
Okay, so we mentioned we mentioned the punch, yeah, and punching stomaching, so that had that ended, they didn't get back to the law.
Well before the punch, I will say, well, I have something about something to say I was speech and something to say about the punch. Something to say about the punch is that like Nick was supposed to kiss Jess, then too, he was supposed to say this is how much it means nothing, they were supposed to kiss again, and that it was also not going to be nothing, and that was going to also lead to the punch.
I mean, if you think that the breakup was harsh, I believe that that was a piece of it.
And maybe there was a conversation about like we would be playing that beat too many times?
But you guys didn't shoot it though, right it never I don't think I got shot.
Now.
Was it in the table reading?
I think it was in the table okay, because.
I remember that now that you say that, I remember that. I don't know why I remember it, but maybe I remember from the table reading.
Yeah, yeah, it would make sense, especially if he explained, oh, we it meant nothing because we tried it again and exactly I can explain him getting so upset and the punch in the stomach.
Yeah.
So they get home and she is, oh.
Wait there was something else. Oh yeah, yeh. Thinking about the speech.
So Schmid is talking about what is what is particularly great to him about India. He says, Calpen obviously a genius. Calpen my buddy from high school who I lived with when I moved to LA. I think in the performance in Max's way, I think it sounds a lot more sarcastic than it was intented. And years later I remember like somebody saying, like Calpen was on this morning radio show and they asked him about about about why they like and he knew what wasn't meant as an insult, but like the radio DJs were like, were they insulting you on New Girls?
Oh that's so funny. When I like, when I rewatched it and he says that line about cal Pen, I thought it was because he's I feel like Schmid truly does love everything about India because he loves CC so much. It's like, whatever you are and anybody that's like of you, I love it. But then I was like, and then cal Pen came on our show years later, and then when they go back to the loft and they talk about Taylor Swift, she comes on the show. It was a real manifesting epis.
So my question is, what does Taylor Swift look like in the New Girl world? Because if she was on the show and nobody said, oh my god, that's Taylor Swift, does in Jess's in the reality of New Girl, does Taylor Swift have a different face?
Yeah, or she's just like this is a bunch of women who kind of look the same. That could be it too. Yeah, I guess, Elaine.
I'm so upset that I wasn't there that day.
Yeah, they kept us, they kept us gross writers away. We were all there, but they were like, you guys can't come down.
They learned from Kobe, learn from you get weird. Everybody's getting weird.
Yeah, is that a real thing?
I know nowadays people say, oh, I'll just put on some Taylor Swift. She's large. He's the biggest artists on earth.
Yeah yeah, but back then, was she that big? It's it was.
It made me feel very prescient, But I think it was like I think that was particularly in the way that she was saying it, like this is breakup music.
Okay, No, I think I think.
That that was really as Taylor Swift like ascended into culture as something somebody like Jess would listen to when her heart was broken. Mmm.
Interesting.
I admittedly don't put on Taylor Swift with my heart.
Mm hm, what do you put on Lil Wayne?
That checks out? That checks out? We we shared a trailer, Lemarn and I we had a shared wall, and over the years there was a lot of low window that checks out.
Referenced in this episode, right breaking. So towards the end, Nick apologizes for the kiss, says it won't happen again obviously we know, and he.
Does that weird dance And there's nothing more that I love than watching Jake Johnson having to dance in an episode because I know how much he hates it. Yeah, and it's so funny and so good every single time, and you guys made him do it so many times over the series.
Sure.
Yeah, I feel like that's one of the first ones though, right where he does something super weird. Dancy, Am I wrong?
I think there might have been one prior to that, you know. What I know was prior to that yeah fucking New Girl music video that we did.
Oh that's a whole other that's a whole episode on its own. The interactive music video. Do you remember that? No? I think I think I posted Yeah, I try to do that too. That was a wild one. Then at the very very end, yes, Oh gosh, honestly, this tag of this episode I had fully forgotten about really, just like I think like the hula hoop wiggle, I think I'd fully forgotten about it and rewatching it. It's very weird to watch yourself like, oh, sure, yeah, make out with somebody on TV and we really go for it, right, because it's like that's the whole thing is like we were just forget it. We're back, and I feel like that was it? Was it in this? Was it in the script? Turbine Off?
It was in the script maybe because I just remember it was almost definitely.
Because I remember shooting it and I feel like we shot or I was trying to get it to be like Turbine Off. I was like, I don't know, is this gonna. I was always so worried about like it was going to offend anybody because I didn't know like how it was going to be received to be like dressed get a little Indian man. And then there certainly was my feeling watching the episode. It's like but.
Because yeah, we didn't we didn't talk as much about the conception of the episode. But that was definitely not so. When I got hired on New Girl, I came in with, uh, a story idea, and we which was the story that ended up being Nick's father's funeral because a similar thing had happened to me with my my.
Ex girlfriend's funeral.
And then Love Rocky the who is a South Asian American writer, pitched the Indian marriage convention, not a thing that I pitched, And just when they when the episodes were signed out, we each kind of got we we uh we Freaky Friday to our scripts.
So yeah, I so this.
So I was really flying by I was, you know, I remember asking Love like what research.
Like, what is this?
But I was I was trying to be very cautious about the things that I personally wrote down in the script. Turvin was not one of them, and and so watching it, I was like, I was like, oh boy, will I have to stand behind this fully?
But I think everything coming out of Schmid's mouth.
Does kind of go through the filter of it is coming out of his mouth.
It's coming from his mouth, and he's also so in you just so believe he's so in love with CC and everything about her. It's somehow doesn't read in any way ever offensive.
Well that's what I was going to say.
He says a lot of offensive things, but it's so endearing in a way. Yeah. I can't rank it high on episodes of levels of offensiveness from Schmidt.
Sure, yeah, yeah, this is still this is still like fairly in the in the benign area of how much it probably gets.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're going to go to break and when we come back, more stuff about the show and we are back. Okay, ask a few questions for you, A few questions. Which character did you find it easiest to write for and why? Yeah?
I mean, I guess it was probably easiest to write Schmidt because I think, as I was saying before, you can basically just write him like a writer's like a sitcom writer's room. Though I felt I did always feel like a kinship.
Writing Nick felt pretty.
Fun for me.
Yeah, okay, in the New Girl universe, which character would most likely be your friend in high school?
I went to college with Zoe, So I think that that that like we passed for the Northwestern We weren't. We didn't know each other, but we were there at the same time, So I would assume that would it would be Jess for that reason.
Yeah, Damon.
And so we went to the same high school as well.
I went to college college, but they went to the same high school.
Yeah, that's awesome.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that either. It's so funny how small the world can feel when.
You started to Okay, so you started in season two, what was your first impression of the show, like overall before you got the job, got the job, you know, first episode.
You worked on.
I went to the table read. You must have been at Hannah that Jason Manzukis was reading for Coach.
Do you remember that? Oh yeah, and.
So yeah, so we were just we were in this weird little office and and I knew Breton Dave, like we'd worked on this show United States of Tara. So I so they invited me to this this table read, and I thought it was really funny. And then and then you know, we we talked it through. You know, I gave a few notes, other people gave a few notes, and then sort of left the table read and then like Dave and Brett and Liz Rowl huddled together and like we're gonna throw this episode out and write a new one. And I think at some point they did write a new pilot. But eventually when they went back to this pilot and I thought it was funny, it was. It was a really charming show.
I liked it a lot. Because you said you started season two.
I started season two, but I think I met I went as like a yeah, as a as a as a favor to the table read to get something right. I met on the show in season one, and I don't remember didn't work out or I got another job.
Or something like that.
So the but the show at that point was like minted show was the show was a hit.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good feeling then.
Yeah, feeling walking into a hit show. Absolutely yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. It's funny because I remember when shooting the pilot, I'd never shot a pilot before and I didn't really know, and it just kind of felt like, well, that was fun and it's probably gonna go away, but like everything yeaheah, exactly. It's interesting. I guess to meet on the show. It's in its second season and then and you know this is probably gonna stick around.
Yeah you can, yeah, you can, like you know you can. You don't have to. You can pay for a car, yeah.
Yeah, because there's not a lot of job security in this town. So that's cool.
It's got five cars. It's it's time for the mess around baby. Yeah.
Baby.
Here's the topic. Speed dating.
Yeah ever do it?
No? No, never, no, but I always wanted to.
Yeah.
It seems they could be fun and it matches my attention span.
Which is really quick because I think, you.
Know, real quick kind of if you're like like, oh, what's going on here?
My young and wilder days, I did some version of speed dating.
What does that mean?
Well, I would I would go on multiple dates in a day with different women. Okay, so like on weekend, like on a Friday, Saturdays and we were filming all the time. Yeah, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
You know what I'm saying.
Friday night, you get off work late. I got there's only one you can do one date Saturday. You mess around du three. You got a breakfast date, you got a lunch date, and you got a dinner date.
So you've never speed dated.
That's what you're saying never speed.
Okay, good, thanks so much, Tarry.
That story, okay, craziest breakup.
Story, craziest. I feel like you're going to have some good ones.
I have quite.
You have a collection.
I have a collection. I have quite the collection.
So there was this one time where I was breaking up with someone and it was a very it was it was let's just say, it was obvious why I was breaking up with.
Okay, she knew it.
She couldn't fight it. It was very clear. I'm not going to say what happened, but she knew. I then and I lived in an apartment in Hancock Park, a lot of oh I know that apartment, very quiet, nothing but old people and then me. So it was really peaceful place.
It was a very odd spot. I remember yeah coming over once and I was just like, okay.
I listen, I love peace and quiet.
And when I when I she showed up at like midnight, ringing my doorbell as she got into the security gate, I don't know, but she's at my door ringing the doorbell, and I'm like, what's going on. It's like midnight. I look outside, it's her. Now this is a work night. You know, we got six am call times, so it's midnight. She's ringing the door. I'm like, you gotta go. He's like, but I love you. Keep in mind we were dating for a month. I love you, and I don't want to go, and I just please can I come in? I was like no. I was like, I'm sorry, I gotta work tomorrow. He leaves three thirty in the morning. There's banging on my door. I'm not answering it. There's banging, banging, banging. I go it's her. She's now panicked. She looks at me and she goes someone's chasing me. Can you please let me in? And I was like, a nobody out here. I was like, you got to go. Now. Across the hall is an older couple. They now have their door open, watching and I'm like, I'm so sorry. I don't know how she got in here twice, you know, she just lets me know, like she just didn't leave the first time. She sat downstairs for hours and then came back up, and then she eventually left after security came.
But e wow, yeah, so that was kind of crazy.
Yeah, that's intense.
I think she was high.
To be honest with you, I remember this story. You told me this story at the time because you were genuinely freaked out. Yeah, I feel like she can find her way into the building. Yes, she's living in the stairwell.
Yeah.
And I'm just I'm saying it's it's done, it's over. This is a full by bye.
Two security gates have Yeah, you gotta go.
Yeah, that's a pretty crazy breakup story. I don't have any like super crazy ones, to be honest with you. Well, no, they were healthy. They're just kind of like boring. No, I don't think I have any crazy ones. No, I wish I did. I mean I wish my life was more exciting that way.
Well, he broke up with Kanye, Yeah, I.
Mean, I mean he didn't. He didn't. He didn't take it. Well, he struggled. We all saw the struggle. Then Kim cut bangs and the rest is history. And he has to do what he had to do. As Kobe would.
Say, I do what I do. Okay, So next topic, any awkward morning after the story.
You already know the answer to this.
Answer is no, everything's healthy this morning. You make each other breakfast, You guys hold hands, and you walk on the beach. There's always a beach I get it.
You and I really are. Do you remember that movie Unbreakable with Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson. Yeah, that's the dynamic of our friendship. You exist so I can exist, and I exist so you can exist because we we live polar opposite lives. But if one of us were to disappear, the universe would be in an imbalanced I have no I have no awkward morning after stories. Everybody was happy to be there.
You know, I got quite a few. I know the way I know the most. This is like a theme.
This isn't this particular moment, but this has happened numerous times where you know you're having fun. You know, you intentionally went on a date with someone, but you got a little You've been drinking a lot. So you go to sleep, and you wake up the next morning and some you can sense someone is lying down next to you. Your brain is not telling you who that person is, and there is a fear what did we do last night? And you roll over and you're relieved, You're like, oh, yeah, I remember, But then you don't know if anything happened or not. Like when you draw this blank in your brain, you go, oh, I gotta I can't do that.
I can't. I can't drink so much. I gotta know, because sometimes.
If I'm like, if I'm if I'm on a date with someone and I'm nervous about them, I'll drink probably a little bit more than I should sure, because I'm like trying to loosen up and be casual and cool and not be so uptight. And then the next day.
You have like a headache.
You look over and you go, I'll remember this one.
If somebody rolled over and went and then went, oh it's you, I'd be like, Okay, wow, bye forever.
It's like that forever.
That's just a natural reaction.
Oh it's you, surprised.
Yeah, it's a natural reaction. I think people try to fake it. Fake it. You lean over and go so beautiful in morning? We know Dan, well, she ain't You know?
Dan well?
This truth telling is causing you a lot of it. You all learned to lie like a real man.
I wish I wish I knew how. I wish I do not know how to love.
All right, you guys, another great episode, So glad you could join us.
Thank you all for listening. Please make sure you follow us on IG The Mess Around Pod. That is the mess Around Pod, and we'll be back next week with Episode two seventeen Parking Spot Night Much Love. That was the Mess Around. This has been an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joel Monique. Our engineer and editor is Mia Taylor. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Shevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson.
So We're gonna catch you next time.
Bye,