The Matty Johns PodcastšØāš©āš¦āš¦ Family Episode - The best of 2024 - Part 1
It's been one hell of a year and to wrap it all up, we've collected some of the best (or worst) moments for your listening pleasure. Matty found an old poster of Trish, Cooper tried to fit through a cat flap, and Buzz Rothfield couldn't handle the smut!
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Yeah, people, it's Mattie here. I just wanted to say in behalf of the John's family. It's been a terrific year and we thank all you guys for tuning in every single week to listen to our hens and we love hearing all the feedback from you guys that you've sent in. As you know, we've wrapped up from the regular episodes, but we've collected some highlights from the year for your your listening pleasure. Hope you enjoy them as much as we enjoyed put them together for you guys. There's been an incident, as you know listeners in the house what we start to do. We've had a bit of a cleanup which made me think about types and I'll get to that in a second.
But we're going through what we found all these tubes with like posters.
And different things over the years, and there's there's some beauties like there's Reggie Reagan with the.
Tigers and the Bulldogs, all these different found that month for a heap of success. Yeah we did. Well guess what they both won the cop that year.
And how they go now, well maybe years ago brother anyway, So this is one big long one. I'm saying, wow, what's this I'm starting now, I don't know it anyway, coming out, coming out, coming out, mate. Honestly, it's nearly the side of a billboard. It's Trisha and or old fiance passionately kissing on.
The beach sand beach in Hawaii.
Am I trishes, I just throw it out. Now. We haven't thrown it out. I've actually put it up on the wall. It is.
Did you see, Cooper, I've seen it because you made you found it first, and you came into the room and said, Cooper, you've got to you've got to show set her up and show her this because I can't do it because it sounds a bit weird coming from you. So and I set it up and I hung it on our bedroom wall. When I said, tri can you can you just come check something for me? And she came in and let me.
What's my response?
You were stoked with it? She goes, how hot are my legs looking? No?
I disagree, No, I disagree. I think you look better a skinny.
No, you look better now. I think I didn't like. I did not like the swimmers you're wearing.
I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, honey, that was in like the nineties.
Was actually trash trush trush actually, actually.
It would have been the eighties eighties.
To keep going, Babe, I had a look on the side of his nineteen seventy four that was Aaron.
Chang, famous stographer. Was he you know who came out in a kissing calendar?
Who has because we ended up finding out it gets better. We ended up finding out around the Forgive me if I get this wrong, but I'm pretty sure someone said Steve Menzies has that picture.
Well, I don't know, Okay, I don't think he has it anymore.
In the old days.
In the old days on the footy shirt, Ryan Girdler had a thing called their House and they go there anyway.
It was in his bachelor pad before he was it was.
Before he's married.
But he got into his bedroom and literally girls goes, oh, he's an interesting photo, interesting picture.
What do you do? What's that doing there? What do you do to that? And I got a gone, this would be good a turn And it's that that.
Because that picture went around like people bought that picture.
Didn't or not famous?
But yeah, yeah, Beaver by name by nature? Is he using that? Like as I expose some people pretty sure, ye.
I think he was. I think he was getting stimulus using it.
It was a nice quite proud.
It makes me proud.
Beaver was getting the record day, the forward who scored the most tries in rugby league was getting stimulus, was rubbing one out to my wife, kissing her then fiance. I just think that's what we don't know.
He was looking at.
She could have been looking at Hawaii.
He could have been looking at the sunset.
I don't know. We don't know what Bever gets up to.
I have a little feedback.
Oh yeah, you go.
Okay, Trish from Coloroi says, bring back if I was a and predicament of the week, or I'm not going to be listening anymore.
Okay, she sounds illusional.
Yeah, actually, I have some feedback quickly. This was one of the greatest, greatest things I've ever read.
This again, Ship, I shouldn't hyped it up that I've got a great joke. Guys smarter.
This is from one of our listeners, Matthew. This was brilliant. Hi Cooper, how are you mate? Love your work and everything. I'm listening that I added that video. Sorry, I'm listening to the last Family episode. There was a bit of chat about dog shit, and I thought i'd share a story. A few of the boys were on a bender early on Sunday morning. One of the boys decided.
To walk home.
Walking through a park, he came to the realized realization he needed to shit and wouldn't make it home. He looked over and seen a toilet block, to which he headed over, went around the corner and did his business on the grass. Halfway through, a great Dane came running around the corner to him and wanted to play. My mate quickly finished up and patted the dog in shock. About ten seconds later, the dog's owner came around the corner, looked at my mate and seen the shit on the floor. He said, oh no, I'm so sorry mate, thinking the shit had came from his dog. He then pulled out a plastic bag, picked it up, hooked it onto his belt, and walked away.
One of my dear mates, old Peaky God Bless his soul, He went, he was an incredible practical joker. So they went.
It was a school vacation. They went like an excursion thing.
They went Hawaii, right, so one of the classes he was doing. Anyway, they went across there anyway, peaky, there's no way else saying it. He shit in a plastic bag right and threw it off, threw it down outside the hotel and floor, waiting for someone to sort of step in.
It was the principal of.
School that actually stepped bush in the dog ship, in peaky ship when the back of his pants and all he was talking about for the rest of the trip fellas you should have smelled it.
American dog ship smells so different.
And on that note, on that note, and number four, this is the one I assumed.
Give us, okay, give us the Can you give us the continent?
Do you know the continent Europe?
I think it's yeah, Europe, not Asia, Greenland. How I give you a hint. I'll give you one of the colors on the flag Jesus Red, Italy.
Falls or Italia.
Would you like to gamble?
I'm going to take the sunglasses off and just looking in the eye his son. When we said to you, what continent and you pause.
Italy like Italy Europe? Definitely, it was an uncertainty.
You were like Italy, Asia, Italy, Europe.
I think not good with the continents. I've never been good with the content.
Oh, dear, excellent, excellent.
Now, John's when we're in Vegas this time, what I do not want you to do as we walk out of an elevator, which.
Is what you did last year.
Every time the elevated door should open and we'd exit the elevator, he'd let me walk ahead. And just as he's exiting, quite audibly to the the rest of the people in the thing.
You go, so, how much did you say? It was for half an hour?
That is brilliant from you.
Ah man, turn around and give me a little clip like you're an escort.
Yeah, every time, every time? Thankfully. No, they were lost.
Hands coming through. And then if you had a number for her, I said sure.
And then remember the guy.
I didn't see him do it, but you just went, oh what happened? He went, Oh, that poor woman just walked straight through the vomit that guy did. He was going one way, she was walking the other, and he's literally walking, put his head to the side, vomited like, kept walking and she's just in stride strong.
And we saw the same guy the next day again.
Maybe you should think about not drinking, mate, it's silly.
Welcome back to the podcast.
Before we get into another buzz Matt story. I was at sex Bow over the weekend and.
I just could you elaborate why you were there? Plays so people don't thank.
You for just like Buzzer, no this, He's done plenty of these things before for work purposes.
I was there commercial interest.
Shooting a shooting a video, shooting a small video there. Who did you do it? For?
Kyle and Jackie?
They sent him to the best places.
Yeah, so that was good. Well I saw you there, buzz You were there with your shirt off. I don't even have to deny that.
Have you seen where they've been sending him this year? He's gone Melbourne, South Africa, now Vegas, Vegas, Vegas?
Yeah? Did you that's.
A nice Gigi. It is good.
It is good early mornings. But I'm out of there early, which is good. Yeah. Wow, yeah, I mean and out but sex But let me tell you, guys, I just wanted it for our listeners. If sex Bog comes to your state or it comes back around next year, you gotta go. It is a lot of fun.
Like I would.
I would take a group of mates next. There's a bar and everything there. Really yeah, yeah, it's just like the people normal who go there or they weirdos? Well, I mean, what am I a little bit of a little.
Bit sick in the head.
But it was like, I mean, we've raved about thunder from down Under over in Vegas before there was a male strip show there. Like it's very it's just fun, like it's funny. You get tip a few beers in, you check out the new the new sex products range that's coming out.
Products are coming out.
The woman eyes are three thousand, I had.
I had a little look at that.
It was like pleasure from every angle. Really, yeah, yeah, it was the lady was demonstrating in what Yeah, one of the boys put their fingers.
In, getting a little bit smutty my life.
This is this is what the podcast is.
This is Cooper.
It is.
It's disgusting brand.
My brand is.
Sorry, mate, we don't want to times your reputation. We're talking about sex bo that's fine.
What section of a paper would coop if Cooples a journalist, which part of the paper would you The comics?
Yeah, remember betraying the comics and the death notices Buzzfield dead sixty four.
Also, there's a bit of news getting around, But how did I turn it on you?
Then? Mate?
There's a bit of news getting around that you might be approached by a certain reality show of late.
Don't worry, it's all right.
You must have been third on that list, because it's happened to me a few times. But this one's possibly for next year. What are your thoughts, will you?
I haven't haven't given much thought, guys.
What is it?
First of all, I know I don't want to name it. I don't want to name it because if I name it, then it's out there, you know what I mean? And the article A is going to run and ship like that.
You really think the people are listening, listening with their ears to the wireless, just going what's he doing next?
I'm getting packed at the airport, mate, I'm getting packed at the.
Airport accidental though, waiting for someone else.
They weren't. I wait for widow yank of it and come through. I'll give this weird ow shit welcome back, trus. Maybe we should just take control of this.
We should. I think we need to talk about the cat. So we've just heard about her bladder before.
Matt and I took her to the vet the other week because she started peeing on the lounge upstairs like we've contained her upstairs and she's been good, well behaved.
She started paying on the lounge, which strike me down. Really, honestly, almost the end of the line for me.
What do you mean? Okay, what's the end of the line for you?
Then, honestly, I'm about to have mental breakdown.
She said the last time, screaming and yelling. It was quite embarrassing. So we had Jack's partner here. I can see her going my future mother in laws a witch.
So she's peeking the lounge.
So we take her to the vets seven hundred dollars later, oh, seven hundred dollars later, and.
Then she did it again last night.
But what they sent us away with was she had elevated kidney function marker, which showed potentially that she was dehydrated. Now I had mentioned to them before that I don't see her drinking water anymore, which I used to see. Well, people, if you don't see your pet drinking water, let me give you a little tip that cost me seven hundred dollars.
This is for free. You can add water to their wet food.
They and they'll get their water that way.
I wish they'd done me that before.
Now I know what you're thinking out there, people listening you go these bad stories? Are they contagious?
I'm I'm just gonna leave the room.
I got one that might save it, or it might add to it.
Okay.
I was out having dinner with Brandon Smith early a few days ago, and Brandon Smith the cheese right there, Guys, don't ruin the story. Okay, it's already shit enough. I don't need to shitting on it. And we locked ourselves out of his house trying to It was really it was wet, it was raining. His wind and his neighbor's pots fell over and smashed all over the ground. So we went out and with his partner and we're trying to lift him up and then locked Brandon just closed it all behind him without a key and locked.
Him as all out happens.
And then we had to go around the back and the back door was locked out except Brandon's got a little cat. We spoke about her on there before Luna, who's a bit like sort of loses it, started losing mine a little bit, but.
It's not her own fault of her.
He's built a little, a little cat door into the So Brandon was like, oh, you caon, you can get through there, Okay, you did not. I put my arm through, my head through, and I couldn't get I couldn't.
Get my other get your nose through.
Everyone's laughing.
Are they sorry? Continue with the story.
And I couldn't get through. So Brandon's partner is he We sort of pushed her through, but unfortunately for her, they haven't strategically placed what's on the other side of there, So you had like the food bowls and the kiddy litter. And when she put her arm through and she's closing, shepped her hand just in this little puddle of piece in the kitty little and it stunk like she got through though. She got through it through and unlocked.
U sit there.
I'm actually wondering why they sent you through first. And it was insinuating your more petite than Isabelle.
Oh yeah, I think I got a smaller ass. No, you have no asks? Yea, outside it was raining, so that's.
A two birds, one stone. Also, if she was crawling over the food, she put some water in the cat's food.
Three birds, one stone.
No kidney failure for her.
Three stones, four stones, one bird. You know what, while we're on bands, I saved this from last week. I've got a guy on the Central Coast. I I met him actually over in Africa. He was one of the cameramen for the show. His best mate back in twenty I think it was twenty eleven got banned from a fast food restaurant in a Newcastle on King Street, and I know that one. They sent him a letter for why he was banned, and I wanted to read it out because it's possibly the greatest letter I've ever read in my life.
Excellent. We're not going to explain that, just letting know.
That that place, that one we're talking about, that certain fast food restaurant is the most.
Prof's twenty four hour.
Restaurant in Australia, to the point that people would there'd be nightclubs across the road, step would walk across there anyway, the hotel there was a hotel nearby, diving across the road, drove across the road. They complained to the fast food restaurant. The fast food restaurant was basically on their last chance, and when ah, what the hell and just bought the hotel.
Yeah, okay, fourteenth of March twenty eleven. High Anonymous further to our discussion earlier, and after listing with liaising with security, we have decided to uphold your twelve month band from b store. More that was me beeping the name. More details have emerged of your behavior and it would be imprudent of me not to take this seriously. You repeatedly flashed your Vanagina to security, You drank alcohol on the premises, you returned four fish burgers, each time asking to speak to the fisherman who was responsible, and finally, as security escorted you out, you dived onto the ground, pretending to have been pushed and faked a seizure. Kind of regards store manager.
But do we have this guy's name? I love him.
I don't have his name. I could possibly track him down for an interview in the future.
Oh he is.
When he was like a toddler. If we're out and he was misbehaving and I was like reprimanding him, he would propel himself down on the shop floor and say, stop pushing me, manipulator. Oh man, I'd just go kid, you can stay there and walk off.
I saw an ad once and it was similar to that situation, Like a kid wanted to get chips and the parent was like no, and then the kid throws himself on the ground, tends to be pushed and crying and screaming, and then the guy just looks up at the camera like breaks the fourth wall and looks in and it just comes up with like it's a condom commercial, just comes up with.
Please tarp up.
That's very good.
And when you guys were in Nashville, I think he was arrested around that time. Yeah, he was getting a bit mouthy out the front of kid Rock Bar, which is a wonderful bar in Nashville. It doesn't reflect on that place, but no, it was a lot of fun. But you know what, stars, whether it be rock stars or country stars.
You know, I think sometimes to keep a bit of keep a bit of a rep and the beers. There's nothing wrong with being arrested.
You ever been arrested? Uh? Y?
I was arrested once, actually was for urinating in public.
How well were you.
Because what had happened there were circumstances. I don't know what I was doing.
They had the power, but it was three am in the morning and I'm standing there on the corner.
I wasn't pimping, nor was I selling drugs. But I was standing on a corner chit chatting and I needed to go to the toilet. Went back to walk back into the park and.
They said, sorry, mate, it shut. So I went down a dark little alleyway got the old feller out. Next minute there was a torch and I went, are you okay? And it was the police and they threw me out of the paddy wagon, took me to the police station, fingerprinted me, and I had to go to court.
They just said a fingerprinted.
When I went to court, the guy who was the prosecutor was a team out of mine.
I got off, like, let you off. Yeah. The judge he walked when I walked in, he rolled his eyes like, oh, here we go. But this sounds like I'm really bad ass, hard ass. But I actually did a plea, accepted a plea before I went in there.
So the guy went, okay, this is what can happen like this has got six months. His maximum which were going to get a minimum was this. They said, twenty hours community service. We accept that, and I said, yes, I accepted it.
That's good.
And you've never urinated in public?
Well, you can't get rested for the wedding. Your parts right.
Two years later, I actually did, and I turned on the tears and they let me go. Guys, thanks for listening to Maddi John's podcast. We have some more highlights dropped into your food next week. Until then, enjoy yourselves, not too much.
