This is an open letter to parents of autistic and neurodivergent people.

It may be confronting.

Please take care when listening.

Love,

Hugh

This is an open letter to parents of autistic and neurodivergent people.
It may be confronting.
Please take care when listening.
Love,
Hugh

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

Interesting people, allowing themselves to be vulnerable, sharing with us, their imperfect lives.

The Imperfects

Hugh's Open Letter to Parents of Neurodivergent People

Dave Hughes has a complicated relationship with his ego.

🎟️ Our live show Together Again is on sale! One show left! Tickets here - https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep

Performing in prestigious venues around the world, Dave Hughes has solidified himself as one of Australia’s comedy icons, but the journey was (and still is) far from easy.

Joining us in the studio today, Dave vulnerably shares how the burden of feeling unworthy affected his ability to give and receive love.

Dave chats to Ryan about how much he has struggled with comparison, both with others, and the success of his past self, and the role that ego plays in never being able to turn down an opportunity.

Hughesy, thank you so much for joining us.

0:00 – Ryan got papped, Hugh got crumpets
7:19 – The failures that lead to success
17:12 – A feeling of general greatness
21:06 – Reckoning with comparison
30:18 – The joy is in the giving
36:03 – Walking the family / work tightrope
41:07 – Humour as a way in
47:56 – You had me at IMAX helmet
56:00 – Ego doesn’t let you enjoy the moment
1:08:10 – Five strategies to let go of ego

If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/ogE4j-UQIGY

🫖Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode:
Kate Langbroek - Love Story - https://bit.ly/44OH66q
Dr Emily - Other People Matter - https://bit.ly/3MqGNZj
Pat Cummins - Love, Loss & Life - https://bit.ly/3MtSgqX
Cate Campbell - Even Olympians Have Depression - https://bit.ly/44TRhXp

🎄Other Xmas Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode:
Santa Claus - A Special Vulnerabilitea House - https://bit.ly/48P0X6V
Mrs Claus - Santa’s Better Half - https://bit.ly/44g5M7J
Little Boy Christmas - The Forgotten Son of Mr & Mrs Claus - https://bit.ly/3KHqx5F

📖 Things to read
A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle - https://bit.ly/4rPfS9B

💻Things to look up
Oprah’s series with Eckhart Tolle - https://bit.ly/48vfOo6

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

💌Join 3,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

🩵To join our patreon community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

The Imperfects acknowledge the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation, as the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast was recorded and we extend our respects to elders past & present. 

Dave Hughes has a complicated relationship with his ego.
🎟️&nbsp;Our live show Together Again is on sale! One show left! Tickets here - <a href="https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep">https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep</a>
Performing in prestigious venues around the world, Dave Hughes has solidified himself as one of Australia&rsquo;s comedy icons, but the journey was (and still is) far from easy.
Joining us in the studio today, Dave vulnerably shares how the burden of feeling unworthy affected his ability to give and receive love.
Dave chats to Ryan about how much he has struggled with comparison, both with others, and the success of his past self, and the role that ego plays in never being able to turn down an opportunity.
Hughesy, thank you so much for joining us.
0:00 &ndash; Ryan got papped, Hugh got crumpets 7:19 &ndash; The failures that lead to success 17:12 &ndash; A feeling of general greatness 21:06 &ndash; Reckoning with comparison 30:18 &ndash; The joy is in the giving 36:03 &ndash; Walking the family / work tightrope 41:07 &ndash; Humour as a way in 47:56 &ndash; You had me at IMAX helmet 56:00 &ndash; Ego doesn&rsquo;t let you enjoy the moment 1:08:10 &ndash; Five strategies to let go of ego
If you&rsquo;d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - <a href="https://youtu.be/ogE4j-UQIGY" data-stringify-link="https://youtu.be/ogE4j-UQIGY" data-sk="tooltip_parent">https://youtu.be/ogE4j-UQIGY</a>
🫖Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode:
<ul>
<li>Kate Langbroek - Love Story - <a href="https://bit.ly/44OH66q">https://bit.ly/44OH66q</a></li>
<li>Dr Emily - Other People Matter - <a href="https://bit.ly/3MqGNZj">https://bit.ly/3MqGNZj</a></li>
<li>Pat Cummins - Love, Loss &amp; Life - <a href="https://bit.ly/3MtSgqX">https://bit.ly/3MtSgqX</a></li>
<li>Cate Campbell - Even Olympians Have Depression - <a href="https://bit.ly/44TRhXp">https://bit.ly/44TRhXp</a></li>
</ul>
🎄Other Xmas Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode:
<ul>
<li>Santa Claus - A Special Vulnerabilitea House - <a href="https://bit.ly/48P0X6V">https://bit.ly/48P0X6V</a></li>
<li>Mrs Claus - Santa&rsquo;s Better Half - <a href="https://bit.ly/44g5M7J">https://bit.ly/44g5M7J</a></li>
<li>Little Boy Christmas - The Forgotten Son of Mr &amp; Mrs Claus - <a href="https://bit.ly/3KHqx5F">https://bit.ly/3KHqx5F</a></li>
</ul>
📖&nbsp;Things to read
<ul>
<li>A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle - <a href="https://bit.ly/4rPfS9B">https://bit.ly/4rPfS9B</a></li>
</ul>
💻Things to look up
<ul>
<li>Oprah&rsquo;s series with Eckhart Tolle - <a href="https://bit.ly/48vfOo6">https://bit.ly/48vfOo6</a></li>
</ul>
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel)&nbsp;My Imperfect Life,&nbsp;click here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
💌Join 3,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
🩵To join our patreon community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a>
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5">http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5</a>
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you&rsquo;re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
The Imperfects acknowledge the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation, as the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast was recorded and we extend our respects to elders past &amp; present.&nbsp;

Dave Hughes - Me, Myself & Ego

We’re nervous. We’re excited. We’re nervous and excited. Because it’s Mary freaking Fowler day.

🎟️ Our live show Together Again is on sale now! Tickets here - https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep

Joining us in the Vulnerabilitea House, all the way from Manchester, Mary answers the question ‘what do you worry about the most?’

With wisdom far beyond her 22 years, Mary explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh the impossible task of being the ‘perfect’ role model, especially when you are still growing up yourself.

And then, in a conversation that will help many, and maybe even save the life of a few, Mary graciously shares her experiences with self-harm, and why she thinks it is so important to have the heavy conversations, even with the risk of saying the wrong thing.

Mary talks about her journey with pressure and forgiveness that lead her to rediscover ‘Little Mary’, her wall of things that make her feel loved, and how she has been able to reframe her darkest times to find more empathy for others.

Mary, it was an absolute dream come true to speak with you.

0:00 – The 2023 Fairy tale 
6:52 – What do you worry about most? 
23:00 – Giving and taking power 
34:01 – Appreciating the little things 
41:01 – Saying the hard thing 
56:22 – Beauty after pain
1:04:29 – Am I supposed to be here? 
1:09:16 – Looking after Little Mary

if you would like to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link: https://youtu.be/O_9Wf0WSfMM 

📖Things to read;
Bloom, by Mary Fowler - https://bit.ly/443cWw3

🚨If you, or someone you know, is thinking about suicide or self-harm, Lifeline on 13 11 14 is a great place to start. In an emergency, please call 000.

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

💌Join 3,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

🩵To join our patreon community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

We&rsquo;re nervous. We&rsquo;re excited. We&rsquo;re nervous and excited. Because it&rsquo;s Mary freaking Fowler day.
🎟️&nbsp;Our live show Together Again is on sale now! Tickets here - <a href="https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep">https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep</a>
Joining us in the Vulnerabilitea House, all the way from Manchester, Mary answers the question &lsquo;what do you worry about the most?&rsquo;
With wisdom far beyond her 22 years, Mary explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh the impossible task of being the &lsquo;perfect&rsquo; role model, especially when you are still growing up yourself.
And then, in a conversation that will help many, and maybe even save the life of a few, Mary graciously shares her experiences with self-harm, and why she thinks it is so important to have the heavy conversations, even with the risk of saying the wrong thing.
Mary talks about her journey with pressure and forgiveness that lead her to rediscover &lsquo;Little Mary&rsquo;, her wall of things that make her feel loved, and how she has been able to reframe her darkest times to find more empathy for others.
Mary, it was an absolute dream come true to speak with you.
0:00 &ndash; The 2023 Fairy tale 6:52 &ndash; What do you worry about most? 23:00 &ndash; Giving and taking power 34:01 &ndash; Appreciating the little things 41:01 &ndash; Saying the hard thing 56:22 &ndash; Beauty after pain 1:04:29 &ndash; Am I supposed to be here? 1:09:16 &ndash; Looking after Little Mary
if you would like to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link: <a href="https://youtu.be/O_9Wf0WSfMM">https://youtu.be/O_9Wf0WSfMM</a>&nbsp;
📖Things to read;
<ul>
<li>Bloom, by Mary Fowler - <a href="https://bit.ly/443cWw3">https://bit.ly/443cWw3</a></li>
</ul>
🚨If you, or someone you know, is thinking about suicide or self-harm, Lifeline on 13 11 14 is a great place to start. In an emergency, please call 000.
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel)&nbsp;My Imperfect Life,&nbsp;click here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
💌Join 3,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
🩵To join our patreon community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a>
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5">http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5</a>
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you&rsquo;re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Mary Fowler - Forgiving Yourself-Harm

Is your communication style a red flag?

🎟️ Our live show Together Again is on sale now! Tickets here - https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep

It’s our favourite time of the month and Dr Emily Musgrove, our resident psychologist, is back in the studio to talk the talk (and walk the walk) about healthy communication.

The impact of our learning history (colloquially known as “baggage”) gets a heavy feature in this episode, as Ryan, Josh and Bridge unpack their communication styles, and how this has impacted their intimate relationships.

Dr Emily talks us through why the real challenge of communicating is not our use of language, but rather regulation of emotion, and gifts us a plethora of acronyms to practice at home the skills of effective communication.

Dr Em, always a pleasure.

Chapters:
0:00 – Communication, conflict, and Hannah Ferguson 
10:19 – How do you (mostly?) communicate? 
14:57 – The impact of our learning history 
22:10 – Interpersonal Effectiveness 
27:41 – Practicing getting it wrong to get it right 
31:59 – Do opposites attract? 
34:44 – Respond rather than react 
47:51 – We all love an acronym 
1:01:45 – Dealing with unreasonable people 
1:15:49 – Breaking patterns

If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link -

🫖Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
Hannah Ferguson - Outspoken But Not Broken - https://bit.ly/4ilr2i2
Dr Emily - Truth vs Harmony - https://bit.ly/481Xfri

💻Things to do:
Complete the official Thomas-Kilmann Instrument communication styles quiz - https://bit.ly/4rowC7m
Complete the free Thomas-Kilmann Instrument inspired communication styles quiz - https://bit.ly/4iygpbR

📺 Things to watch:
The Rehearsal - https://bit.ly/4ong1hL

📖 Things to read:
Terry Real’s catalogue - https://bit.ly/4p25w4m
DBT Training Skills Manual, by Marsha M. Linehan - https://bit.ly/4ioNXcs
BIFF, by Bill Eddy - https://bit.ly/4ojowdG

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

💌Join 3,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

🩵To join our patreon community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

 

Is your communication style a red flag?
🎟️&nbsp;Our live show Together Again is on sale now! Tickets here - <a href="https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep">https://bit.ly/4mEK9Ep</a>
It&rsquo;s our favourite time of the month and Dr Emily Musgrove, our resident psychologist, is back in the studio to talk the talk (and walk the walk) about healthy communication.
The impact of our learning history (colloquially known as &ldquo;baggage&rdquo;) gets a heavy feature in this episode, as Ryan, Josh and Bridge unpack their communication styles, and how this has impacted their intimate relationships.
Dr Emily talks us through why the real challenge of communicating is not our use of language, but rather regulation of emotion, and gifts us a plethora of acronyms to practice at home the skills of effective communication.
Dr Em, always a pleasure.
Chapters: 0:00 &ndash; Communication, conflict, and Hannah Ferguson&nbsp; 10:19 &ndash; How do you (mostly?) communicate? 14:57 &ndash; The impact of our learning history 22:10 &ndash; Interpersonal Effectiveness 27:41 &ndash; Practicing getting it wrong to get it right 31:59 &ndash; Do opposites attract? 34:44 &ndash; Respond rather than react 47:51 &ndash; We all love an acronym 1:01:45 &ndash; Dealing with unreasonable people 1:15:49 &ndash; Breaking patterns
If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link -
🫖Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
<ul>
<li>Hannah Ferguson - Outspoken But Not Broken - <a href="https://bit.ly/4ilr2i2">https://bit.ly/4ilr2i2</a></li>
<li>Dr Emily - Truth vs Harmony - <a href="https://bit.ly/481Xfri">https://bit.ly/481Xfri</a></li>
</ul>
💻Things to do:
<ul>
<li>Complete the official Thomas-Kilmann Instrument communication styles quiz - <a href="https://bit.ly/4rowC7m">https://bit.ly/4rowC7m</a></li>
<li>Complete the free Thomas-Kilmann Instrument inspired communication styles quiz - <a href="https://bit.ly/4iygpbR">https://bit.ly/4iygpbR</a></li>
</ul>
📺&nbsp;Things to watch:
<ul>
<li>The Rehearsal - <a href="https://bit.ly/4ong1hL">https://bit.ly/4ong1hL</a></li>
</ul>
📖&nbsp;Things to read:
<ul>
<li>Terry Real&rsquo;s catalogue - <a href="https://bit.ly/4p25w4m">https://bit.ly/4p25w4m</a></li>
<li>DBT Training Skills Manual, by Marsha M. Linehan - <a href="https://bit.ly/4ioNXcs">https://bit.ly/4ioNXcs</a></li>
<li>BIFF, by Bill Eddy - <a href="https://bit.ly/4ojowdG">https://bit.ly/4ojowdG</a></li>
</ul>
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel)&nbsp;My Imperfect Life,&nbsp;click here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
💌Join 3,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
🩵To join our patreon community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a>
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5">http://bit.ly/4mq5BO5</a>
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you&rsquo;re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
&nbsp;

Hugh's Open Letter to Parents of Neurodivergent People

The Imperfects

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips