This is an open letter to parents of autistic and neurodivergent people.

It may be confronting.

Please take care when listening.

Love,

Hugh

This is an open letter to parents of autistic and neurodivergent people.
It may be confronting.
Please take care when listening.
Love,
Hugh

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

Interesting people, allowing themselves to be vulnerable, sharing with us, their imperfect lives.

The Imperfects

Hugh's Open Letter to Parents of Neurodivergent People

Is climate anxiety affecting your decision to have kids?

💌Join 6,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Joining us in the Vulnerabilitea House is Bri Lee; prolific author, advocate and change maker.

Answering the question, “what moment from your life are you grateful for that profoundly changed you?”, Bri talks about the research that lead her to the South Pole, and how she learnt to prioritise love above all else.

Bri asks the question to Hugh, Josh and Ryan, “what does it mean to live a good life, and what do we owe each other?”

This chat explores the philosophies of anti and pronatalism, whilst being grounded in examples from the guys’ and Bri’s life. An intentional and judgement free zone, this conversation delves into the morality of should’s and shouldn’ts, and what it means to do the right thing.

As Bri says, hope is something that you earn through action, and we are all feeling a bit more hopeful after this episode. 


0:00 – A Bri-Lee-iant guest
9:42 – The Seed of The Idea
15:08 – What are you grateful for that profoundly changed you?
27:10 – Prioritising love
32:27 – Should I have kids?
41:43 – The morality of shoulds and shouldn’ts
52:43 – Some positivity, please
55:59 – Policy and bodily autonomy
59:22 – So, how’s the reckoning going?
1:03:46 – The weight of responsibility
1:08:43 – Finding action in the overwhelm

📺 to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/vUQMkMvyeMY 

🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned on this episode
Ryan Shelton - To breed, or not to breed - https://bit.ly/3PbhEmR
Ann Davidman - Should I have kids? - https://bit.ly/4brc477

📖 Things to read
Seed, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/3PhepKv
Eggshell Skull, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/473kvV4
Who Gets To Be Smart, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/4bwOAh1
The Work, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/4rzflar
Beauty, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/3NMnrPf
Love 2.0, by Barbara Fredrickson - https://bit.ly/40ylOYp
Better To Not Have Been, by David Benatar - https://bit.ly/3NmtHx5
IPCC Sixth Assessment Report - https://bit.ly/3Phc7Lt
Ipsos Perils of Perception Climate Change - https://bit.ly/4cP32mT

📺Things to watch
An Inconvenient Truth - https://bit.ly/4bPolUk

💻Things to check out
Freadom Inside Project - https://bit.ly/4bhVxnm
Peter Singer Pond Proximity thought experiment - https://youtu.be/Gu-WUHD6mKg

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

 

Is climate anxiety affecting your decision to have kids?
💌Join 6,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - <a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy" data-token-index="1">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
Joining us in the Vulnerabilitea House is Bri Lee; prolific author, advocate and change maker.
Answering the question, &ldquo;what moment from your life are you grateful for that profoundly changed you?&rdquo;, Bri talks about the research that lead her to the South Pole, and how she learnt to prioritise love above all else.
Bri asks the question to Hugh, Josh and Ryan, &ldquo;what does it mean to live a good life, and what do we owe each other?&rdquo;
This chat explores the philosophies of anti and pronatalism, whilst being grounded in examples from the guys&rsquo; and Bri&rsquo;s life. An intentional and judgement free zone, this conversation delves into the morality of should&rsquo;s and shouldn&rsquo;ts, and what it means to do the right thing.
As Bri says, hope is something that you earn through action, and we are all feeling a bit more hopeful after this episode.&nbsp;
 0:00 &ndash; A Bri-Lee-iant guest 9:42 &ndash; The Seed of The Idea 15:08 &ndash; What are you grateful for that profoundly changed you? 27:10 &ndash; Prioritising love 32:27 &ndash; Should I have kids? 41:43 &ndash; The morality of shoulds and shouldn&rsquo;ts 52:43 &ndash; Some positivity, please 55:59 &ndash; Policy and bodily autonomy 59:22 &ndash; So, how&rsquo;s the reckoning going? 1:03:46 &ndash; The weight of responsibility 1:08:43 &ndash; Finding action in the overwhelm
📺 to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - <a href="https://youtu.be/vUQMkMvyeMY">https://youtu.be/vUQMkMvyeMY</a>&nbsp;
🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned on this episode
<ul>
<li>Ryan Shelton - To breed, or not to breed - <a href="https://bit.ly/3PbhEmR">https://bit.ly/3PbhEmR</a></li>
<li>Ann Davidman - Should I have kids? - <a href="https://bit.ly/4brc477">https://bit.ly/4brc477</a></li>
</ul>
📖&nbsp;Things to read
<ul>
<li>Seed, by Bri Lee - <a href="https://bit.ly/3PhepKv">https://bit.ly/3PhepKv</a></li>
<li>Eggshell Skull, by Bri Lee - <a href="https://bit.ly/473kvV4">https://bit.ly/473kvV4</a></li>
<li>Who Gets To Be Smart, by Bri Lee - <a href="https://bit.ly/4bwOAh1">https://bit.ly/4bwOAh1</a></li>
<li>The Work, by Bri Lee - <a href="https://bit.ly/4rzflar">https://bit.ly/4rzflar</a></li>
<li>Beauty, by Bri Lee - <a href="https://bit.ly/3NMnrPf">https://bit.ly/3NMnrPf</a></li>
<li>Love 2.0, by Barbara Fredrickson - <a href="https://bit.ly/40ylOYp">https://bit.ly/40ylOYp</a></li>
<li>Better To Not Have Been, by David Benatar - <a href="https://bit.ly/3NmtHx5">https://bit.ly/3NmtHx5</a></li>
<li>IPCC Sixth Assessment Report - <a href="https://bit.ly/3Phc7Lt">https://bit.ly/3Phc7Lt</a></li>
<li>Ipsos Perils of Perception Climate Change - <a href="https://bit.ly/4cP32mT">https://bit.ly/4cP32mT</a></li>
</ul>
📺Things to watch
<ul>
<li>An Inconvenient Truth - <a href="https://bit.ly/4bPolUk">https://bit.ly/4bPolUk</a></li>
</ul>
💻Things to check out
<ul>
<li>Freadom Inside Project - <a href="https://bit.ly/4bhVxnm">https://bit.ly/4bhVxnm</a></li>
<li>Peter Singer Pond Proximity thought experiment - <a href="https://youtu.be/Gu-WUHD6mKg">https://youtu.be/Gu-WUHD6mKg</a></li>
</ul>
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel)&nbsp;My Imperfect Life,&nbsp;click here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz"></a><a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuW">http://bit.ly/4lyuuW</a>
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a>
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - <a href="http://apple.co/theimperfects">http://apple.co/theimperfects</a>
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you&rsquo;re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
&nbsp;

Bri Lee - Babies+Climate=Anxiety

When Ben Crowe, world-renowned professional mentor and leadership coach, tells us his favourite mantra, we listen.

“I am enough no matter what, but I’m not done yet”.

📺 If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/-0WWUuxvcyQ 

Back in The Academy of Imperfection FOR THE THIRD TIME, Ben is here to talk to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about purpose, play and love.

As Ben explains, ‘play’ and ‘love’ mean something different to everyone, however, they are both ridiculously important and explicitly linked. If love is the intention, then play is the action.

Ben, as always, it was an absolute pleasure to your wisdom bestowed upon us.

💌Join 6,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

0:00 – Is Ben the Pope?
11:13 – Acceptance vs compassion, confidence vs belief
15:14 – Reshaping your belief system
25:05 – Just Admit It List
30:42 – The dreaded E word
37:47 – Reward effort, not outcome
46:00 – Play deprivation
51:47 – Talking to teenagers about their career
1:01:47 – How to be a (anxious) leader
1:07:04 – Josh’s too generous assumption
1:10: 14 – Doing it for the right reasons

🎧Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned in this episode
The Academy of Imperfection - Ben Crowe - https://bit.ly/40rkUgd
Ben Crowe (Pt 1) - Meet Your Inner Fan - https://bit.ly/46VlfeK
Ben Crowe (Pt 2) - Now BE Your Inner Fan - https://bit.ly/413kVXL
Kate Reid (Pt 1) - The Impossibility of Perfection - https://bit.ly/4ruVAkz
Kate Reid (Pt 2) - The Life-Saving Croissant - https://bit.ly/4by6NMl
Dr Emily - Acceptance, That’s Radical - https://bit.ly/4bAomLD

📖 Things to read
Where The Light Gets In, by Ben Crowe - https://bit.ly/4s04xmN
The Courage To Be Disliked, by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga - https://bit.ly/411Qbq4

🎧 Things to listen to
How Ben Crowe Dads - https://bit.ly/4bidPDH

😃If you liked this episode, check out these!
Bronnie Ware - What Are Your Future Regrets? - https://bit.ly/40lcG9p
Emma Murray - How Mindfulness Actually Works - https://bit.ly/4lpS5dR

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

 

When Ben Crowe, world-renowned professional mentor and leadership coach, tells us his favourite mantra, we listen.
&ldquo;I am enough no matter what, but I&rsquo;m not done yet&rdquo;.
📺 If you&rsquo;d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - <a href="https://youtu.be/-0WWUuxvcyQ">https://youtu.be/-0WWUuxvcyQ</a>&nbsp;
Back in The Academy of Imperfection FOR THE THIRD TIME, Ben is here to talk to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about purpose, play and love.
As Ben explains, &lsquo;play&rsquo; and &lsquo;love&rsquo; mean something different to everyone, however, they are both ridiculously important and explicitly linked. If love is the intention, then play is the action.
Ben, as always, it was an absolute pleasure to your wisdom bestowed upon us.
💌Join 6,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
0:00 &ndash; Is Ben the Pope? 11:13 &ndash; Acceptance vs compassion, confidence vs belief 15:14 &ndash; Reshaping your belief system 25:05 &ndash; Just Admit It List 30:42 &ndash; The dreaded E word 37:47 &ndash; Reward effort, not outcome 46:00 &ndash; Play deprivation 51:47 &ndash; Talking to teenagers about their career 1:01:47 &ndash; How to be a (anxious) leader 1:07:04 &ndash; Josh&rsquo;s too generous assumption 1:10: 14 &ndash; Doing it for the right reasons
🎧Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned in this episode
<ul>
<li>The Academy of Imperfection - Ben Crowe - <a href="https://bit.ly/40rkUgd">https://bit.ly/40rkUgd</a></li>
<li>Ben Crowe (Pt 1) - Meet Your Inner Fan - <a href="https://bit.ly/46VlfeK">https://bit.ly/46VlfeK</a></li>
<li>Ben Crowe (Pt 2) - Now BE Your Inner Fan - <a href="https://bit.ly/413kVXL">https://bit.ly/413kVXL</a></li>
<li>Kate Reid (Pt 1) - The Impossibility of Perfection - <a href="https://bit.ly/4ruVAkz">https://bit.ly/4ruVAkz</a></li>
<li>Kate Reid (Pt 2) - The Life-Saving Croissant - <a href="https://bit.ly/4by6NMl">https://bit.ly/4by6NMl</a></li>
<li>Dr Emily - Acceptance, That&rsquo;s Radical - <a href="https://bit.ly/4bAomLD">https://bit.ly/4bAomLD</a></li>
</ul>
📖&nbsp;Things to read
<ul>
<li>Where The Light Gets In, by Ben Crowe - <a href="https://bit.ly/4s04xmN">https://bit.ly/4s04xmN</a></li>
<li>The Courage To Be Disliked, by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga - <a href="https://bit.ly/411Qbq4">https://bit.ly/411Qbq4</a></li>
</ul>
🎧&nbsp;Things to listen to
<ul>
<li>How Ben Crowe Dads - <a href="https://bit.ly/4bidPDH">https://bit.ly/4bidPDH</a></li>
</ul>
😃If you liked this episode, check out these!
<ul>
<li>Bronnie Ware - What Are Your Future Regrets? - <a href="https://bit.ly/40lcG9p">https://bit.ly/40lcG9p</a></li>
<li>Emma Murray - How Mindfulness Actually Works - <a href="https://bit.ly/4lpS5dR">https://bit.ly/4lpS5dR</a></li>
</ul>
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel)&nbsp;My Imperfect Life,&nbsp;click here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz"></a><a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuW">http://bit.ly/4lyuuW</a>
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a>
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - <a href="http://apple.co/theimperfects">http://apple.co/theimperfects</a>
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you&rsquo;re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
&nbsp;

Ben Crowe - Play School

According to Matt Preston, he only has 14 more summers. And he’s determined to make the most of them.

💌Join 5,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Known predominantly for his role on the inaugural (and incredibly successful) seasons of MasterChef Australia, alongside his excellent choice of cravats, Matt Preston is a recognisable face in most Australian households.

Joining Hugh, Ryan and Josh in the studio (in yet another incredible outfit), Matt delicately talks through the importance of having a conversation with your parents about end-of-life care.

In a decision that requires both deep emotion and administrative focus, Matt draws from his experience with his grandmother, and then his mother, about how to ensure the people you love are nurtured, cared for, and celebrated in the way they would have wanted.

Matt, thank you so much for joining us.

0:00 – The typo to end all typos
9:13 – Every family has a scandal 
24:34 – The unknowables of epilepsy 
30:45 – Grieving what could have been 
40:44 – Mission of mortality: make it count
44:47 – Parenting not like your parents 
53:40 – Conversations about end-of-life care 
1:07:35 – The secret ingredient to marriage 
1:13:46 – Logistics of death and dying

If you want to watch the full episode (and see Matt’s outfit), follow this link - https://youtu.be/sEN8Mfapi6Y 

🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned in this episode
Kate Reid (Pt 1) - The Impossibility of Perfection - https://bit.ly/476XBfg
Kate Reid (Pt 2) - The Life-Saving Croissant - https://bit.ly/4aM7bqd
Christie Whelan Browne - Unbreakable - https://bit.ly/4ukPhTk

📺Things to watch
The Hospital - In The Deep End - https://bit.ly/4rYN6mw
Croquenbouche Masterchef Episode - https://bit.ly/3OILYVG

📖Things to read
Big Mouth, by Matt Preston - https://bit.ly/4cUigXG

🩵SUDEP Support Services
SUDEP Action - https://sudep.org
Epilepsy Foundation - https://bit.ly/4r9W27I

*The average life expectancy for Australian males is calculated at birth, and does not take into account their personal circumstances. 

According to Matt Preston, he only has 14 more summers. And he&rsquo;s determined to make the most of them.
💌Join 5,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
Known predominantly for his role on the inaugural (and incredibly successful) seasons of MasterChef Australia, alongside his excellent choice of cravats, Matt Preston is a recognisable face in most Australian households.
Joining Hugh, Ryan and Josh in the studio (in yet another incredible outfit), Matt delicately talks through the importance of having a conversation with your parents about end-of-life care.
In a decision that requires both deep emotion and administrative focus, Matt draws from his experience with his grandmother, and then his mother, about how to ensure the people you love are nurtured, cared for, and celebrated in the way they would have wanted.
Matt, thank you so much for joining us.
0:00 &ndash; The typo to end all typos 9:13 &ndash; Every family has a scandal 24:34 &ndash; The unknowables of epilepsy 30:45 &ndash; Grieving what could have been 40:44 &ndash; Mission of mortality: make it count 44:47 &ndash; Parenting not like your parents 53:40 &ndash; Conversations about end-of-life care 1:07:35 &ndash; The secret ingredient to marriage 1:13:46 &ndash; Logistics of death and dying
If you want to watch the full episode (and see Matt&rsquo;s outfit), follow this link - <a href="https://youtu.be/sEN8Mfapi6Y">https://youtu.be/sEN8Mfapi6Y</a>&nbsp;
🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned in this episode
<ul>
<li>Kate Reid (Pt 1) - The Impossibility of Perfection - <a href="https://bit.ly/476XBfg">https://bit.ly/476XBfg</a></li>
<li>Kate Reid (Pt 2) - The Life-Saving Croissant - <a href="https://bit.ly/4aM7bqd">https://bit.ly/4aM7bqd</a></li>
<li>Christie Whelan Browne - Unbreakable - <a href="https://bit.ly/4ukPhTk">https://bit.ly/4ukPhTk</a></li>
</ul>
📺Things to watch
<ul>
<li>The Hospital - In The Deep End - <a href="https://bit.ly/4rYN6mw">https://bit.ly/4rYN6mw</a></li>
<li>Croquenbouche Masterchef Episode - <a href="https://bit.ly/3OILYVG">https://bit.ly/3OILYVG</a></li>
</ul>
📖Things to read
<ul>
<li>Big Mouth, by Matt Preston - <a href="https://bit.ly/4cUigXG">https://bit.ly/4cUigXG</a></li>
</ul>
🩵SUDEP Support Services
<ul>
<li>SUDEP Action - <a href="https://sudep.org/"></a><a href="https://sudep.org">https://sudep.org</a></li>
<li>Epilepsy Foundation - <a href="https://bit.ly/4r9W27I">https://bit.ly/4r9W27I</a></li>
</ul>
*The average life expectancy for Australian males is calculated at birth, and does not take into account their personal circumstances.&nbsp;

Hugh's Open Letter to Parents of Neurodivergent People

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