This is an open letter to parents of autistic and neurodivergent people.

It may be confronting.

Please take care when listening.

Love,

Hugh

This is an open letter to parents of autistic and neurodivergent people.
It may be confronting.
Please take care when listening.
Love,
Hugh

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

Interesting people, allowing themselves to be vulnerable, sharing with us, their imperfect lives.

The Imperfects

Hugh's Open Letter to Parents of Neurodivergent People

According to Matt Preston, he only has 14 more summers. And he’s determined to make the most of them.

💌Join 5,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Known predominantly for his role on the inaugural (and incredibly successful) seasons of MasterChef Australia, alongside his excellent choice of cravats, Matt Preston is a recognisable face in most Australian households.

Joining Hugh, Ryan and Josh in the studio (in yet another incredible outfit), Matt delicately talks through the importance of having a conversation with your parents about end-of-life care.

In a decision that requires both deep emotion and administrative focus, Matt draws from his experience with his grandmother, and then his mother, about how to ensure the people you love are nurtured, cared for, and celebrated in the way they would have wanted.

Matt, thank you so much for joining us.

0:00 – The typo to end all typos
9:13 – Every family has a scandal 
24:34 – The unknowables of epilepsy 
30:45 – Grieving what could have been 
40:44 – Mission of mortality: make it count
44:47 – Parenting not like your parents 
53:40 – Conversations about end-of-life care 
1:07:35 – The secret ingredient to marriage 
1:13:46 – Logistics of death and dying

If you want to watch the full episode (and see Matt’s outfit), follow this link - https://youtu.be/sEN8Mfapi6Y 

🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned in this episode
Kate Reid (Pt 1) - The Impossibility of Perfection - https://bit.ly/476XBfg
Kate Reid (Pt 2) - The Life-Saving Croissant - https://bit.ly/4aM7bqd
Christie Whelan Browne - Unbreakable - https://bit.ly/4ukPhTk

📺Things to watch
The Hospital - In The Deep End - https://bit.ly/4rYN6mw
Croquenbouche Masterchef Episode - https://bit.ly/3OILYVG

📖Things to read
Big Mouth, by Matt Preston - https://bit.ly/4cUigXG

🩵SUDEP Support Services
SUDEP Action - https://sudep.org
Epilepsy Foundation - https://bit.ly/4r9W27I

*The average life expectancy for Australian males is calculated at birth, and does not take into account their personal circumstances. 

According to Matt Preston, he only has 14 more summers. And he&rsquo;s determined to make the most of them.
💌Join 5,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
Known predominantly for his role on the inaugural (and incredibly successful) seasons of MasterChef Australia, alongside his excellent choice of cravats, Matt Preston is a recognisable face in most Australian households.
Joining Hugh, Ryan and Josh in the studio (in yet another incredible outfit), Matt delicately talks through the importance of having a conversation with your parents about end-of-life care.
In a decision that requires both deep emotion and administrative focus, Matt draws from his experience with his grandmother, and then his mother, about how to ensure the people you love are nurtured, cared for, and celebrated in the way they would have wanted.
Matt, thank you so much for joining us.
0:00 &ndash; The typo to end all typos 9:13 &ndash; Every family has a scandal 24:34 &ndash; The unknowables of epilepsy 30:45 &ndash; Grieving what could have been 40:44 &ndash; Mission of mortality: make it count 44:47 &ndash; Parenting not like your parents 53:40 &ndash; Conversations about end-of-life care 1:07:35 &ndash; The secret ingredient to marriage 1:13:46 &ndash; Logistics of death and dying
If you want to watch the full episode (and see Matt&rsquo;s outfit), follow this link - <a href="https://youtu.be/sEN8Mfapi6Y">https://youtu.be/sEN8Mfapi6Y</a>&nbsp;
🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned in this episode
<ul>
<li>Kate Reid (Pt 1) - The Impossibility of Perfection - <a href="https://bit.ly/476XBfg">https://bit.ly/476XBfg</a></li>
<li>Kate Reid (Pt 2) - The Life-Saving Croissant - <a href="https://bit.ly/4aM7bqd">https://bit.ly/4aM7bqd</a></li>
<li>Christie Whelan Browne - Unbreakable - <a href="https://bit.ly/4ukPhTk">https://bit.ly/4ukPhTk</a></li>
</ul>
📺Things to watch
<ul>
<li>The Hospital - In The Deep End - <a href="https://bit.ly/4rYN6mw">https://bit.ly/4rYN6mw</a></li>
<li>Croquenbouche Masterchef Episode - <a href="https://bit.ly/3OILYVG">https://bit.ly/3OILYVG</a></li>
</ul>
📖Things to read
<ul>
<li>Big Mouth, by Matt Preston - <a href="https://bit.ly/4cUigXG">https://bit.ly/4cUigXG</a></li>
</ul>
🩵SUDEP Support Services
<ul>
<li>SUDEP Action - <a href="https://sudep.org/"></a><a href="https://sudep.org">https://sudep.org</a></li>
<li>Epilepsy Foundation - <a href="https://bit.ly/4r9W27I">https://bit.ly/4r9W27I</a></li>
</ul>
*The average life expectancy for Australian males is calculated at birth, and does not take into account their personal circumstances.&nbsp;

Matt Preston - Only 14 Summers Left

Pain is inevitable, but suffering does not have to be.

💌Join 5,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Dr Emily Musgrove, our resident psychologist and general provider of wisdom, is here to talk about radical acceptance.

Drawing inspiration from our holy grail episode with Gina Chick, Dr Em deep dives radical acceptance; what is it, how do we cultivate it, and why is it important to us as human beings?

According to Dr Em, radical acceptance is not about liking or accepting (insert profanity here) situations or circumstances, or denying an experience, but rather, accepting the pain inside of us to avoid the reaction of suffering.

Instead of feeling better, it’s about finding a better way of feeling.

For Hugh, the concept of radical acceptance really hits close to home, and he reflects on how it has changed his life insurmountably.

Dr Emily, we love ya, and we missed ya.

If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link -

0:00 – Getting the Gina Chick zoomies 
6:23 – The Radical Acceptance origin story 
14:20 – Change how you relate 
21:19 – On a global scale 
27:25 – An Unwanted Guest 
34:42 – The third option 
40:38 – Grieving the loss of what you wanted 
45:28 – Living proof ft. Hugh 
53:18 – Anxious about my anxiety 
1:03:26 – Main character moment 
1:10:17 – Putting it in practice

🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned on this episode
Gina Chick - Don’t Fight Life - https://bit.ly/4b9nAVG

📖 Things to read
Unstuck, by Dr Emily Musgrove - https://bit.ly/4o8JFay
The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris - https://bit.ly/4kRn3Lq
The Guest House, by Rumi - https://bit.ly/4kXhaMS

💻Things to check out
Tara Brach - RAIN meditation - https://bit.ly/3MNou0M
Alfred Adler - Three Sided Column - https://bit.ly/3P1gSbJ
Jill Bolte Taylor - 90 second shelf life of emotions - https://bit.ly/4aV5rtL

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

 

Pain is inevitable, but suffering does not have to be.
💌Join 5,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
Dr Emily Musgrove, our resident psychologist and general provider of wisdom, is here to talk about radical acceptance.
Drawing inspiration from our holy grail episode with Gina Chick, Dr Em deep dives radical acceptance; what is it, how do we cultivate it, and why is it important to us as human beings?
According to Dr Em, radical acceptance is not about liking or accepting (insert profanity here) situations or circumstances, or denying an experience, but rather, accepting the pain inside of us to avoid the reaction of suffering.
Instead of feeling better, it&rsquo;s about finding a better way of feeling.
For Hugh, the concept of radical acceptance really hits close to home, and he reflects on how it has changed his life insurmountably.
Dr Emily, we love ya, and we missed ya.
If you&rsquo;d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link -
0:00 &ndash; Getting the Gina Chick zoomies 6:23 &ndash; The Radical Acceptance origin story 14:20 &ndash; Change how you relate 21:19 &ndash; On a global scale 27:25 &ndash; An Unwanted Guest 34:42 &ndash; The third option 40:38 &ndash; Grieving the loss of what you wanted 45:28 &ndash; Living proof ft. Hugh 53:18 &ndash; Anxious about my anxiety 1:03:26 &ndash; Main character moment 1:10:17 &ndash; Putting it in practice
🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned on this episode
<ul>
<li>Gina Chick - Don&rsquo;t Fight Life - <a href="https://bit.ly/4b9nAVG">https://bit.ly/4b9nAVG</a></li>
</ul>
📖&nbsp;Things to read
<ul>
<li>Unstuck, by Dr Emily Musgrove - <a href="https://bit.ly/4o8JFay">https://bit.ly/4o8JFay</a></li>
<li>The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris - <a href="https://bit.ly/4kRn3Lq">https://bit.ly/4kRn3Lq</a></li>
<li>The Guest House, by Rumi - <a href="https://bit.ly/4kXhaMS">https://bit.ly/4kXhaMS</a></li>
</ul>
💻Things to check out
<ul>
<li>Tara Brach - RAIN meditation - <a href="https://bit.ly/3MNou0M">https://bit.ly/3MNou0M</a></li>
<li>Alfred Adler - Three Sided Column - <a href="https://bit.ly/3P1gSbJ">https://bit.ly/3P1gSbJ</a></li>
<li>Jill Bolte Taylor - 90 second shelf life of emotions - <a href="https://bit.ly/4aV5rtL">https://bit.ly/4aV5rtL</a></li>
</ul>
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel)&nbsp;My Imperfect Life,&nbsp;click here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz"></a><a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuW">http://bit.ly/4lyuuW</a>
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a>
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - <a href="http://apple.co/theimperfects">http://apple.co/theimperfects</a>
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you&rsquo;re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
&nbsp;

Dr Emily - Acceptance, That's Radical

 You just have to be a good parent 30-40% of the time. According to the research, and parenting expert Maggie Dent.

💌Join 5,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

In our Academy of Imperfection, Maggie schools parents Hugh and Josh, and trusted non-parental figure Ryan, about the ‘no matter what’ rule, the importance of micro connections and the beauty of a well-timed fart.

An advocate for imperfect parenting (which is REALLY great for brand alignment), Maggie insists on the significance of unconditional love when raising boys.

Maggie you are wonderful. This was wonderful. You’re the best.

Watch the full episode on YouTube - https://youtu.be/iUHYScQ3WgQ 

0:00 – Why boys are better than girls
6:22 – The science of boys
14:02 – Shedding the shame
22:28 – Growing healthy boys
31:09 – Connecting with your rooster 
42:56 – The S words: screens and social media 
47:00 – The good enough factors 
57:45 – Correcting the narrative 
1:06:05 – Importance of Lightness + Letting go of mistakes 
1:11:41 – Raising an autistic boy 
1:16:05 – How do you resist the easy method

 

🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned on this episode
Hugh’s ADHD…brief - https://bit.ly/4aofEjd

📖 Things to read
You can find all of Maggie’s books here - https://bit.ly/46g4GK7
Help Me Help My Teen by Maggie Dent (page 106 to converse with teens) - https://bit.ly/4aYi2NO
Maggie’s Fragile Boy Friendship Blog Post - https://bit.ly/4qUqzGw

📺 Things to watch
Bluey ‘Octopus’ episode - https://bit.ly/4riF2Ng
Marc-Andre Leclerc - The Alpinist - https://bit.ly/4tEsaCR

💻 Things to check out
Allan Schore’s Brain Development for Boys research - https://bit.ly/3OfRyi9

🎧 Things to listen to
The Good Enough Dad with Maggie Dent - https://bit.ly/4aGq2la
Parental As Anything - https://bit.ly/4qHAleM

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

 

&nbsp;You just have to be a good parent 30-40% of the time. According to the research, and parenting expert Maggie Dent.
💌Join 5,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a>
In our Academy of Imperfection, Maggie schools parents Hugh and Josh, and trusted non-parental figure Ryan, about the &lsquo;no matter what&rsquo; rule, the importance of micro connections and the beauty of a well-timed fart.
An advocate for imperfect parenting (which is REALLY great for brand alignment), Maggie insists on the significance of unconditional love when raising boys.
Maggie you are wonderful. This was wonderful. You&rsquo;re the best.
Watch the full episode on YouTube - <a href="https://youtu.be/iUHYScQ3WgQ">https://youtu.be/iUHYScQ3WgQ</a>&nbsp;
0:00 &ndash; Why boys are better than girls 6:22 &ndash; The science of boys 14:02 &ndash; Shedding the shame 22:28 &ndash; Growing healthy boys 31:09 &ndash; Connecting with your rooster 42:56 &ndash; The S words: screens and social media 47:00 &ndash; The good enough factors 57:45 &ndash; Correcting the narrative 1:06:05 &ndash; Importance of Lightness + Letting go of mistakes 1:11:41 &ndash; Raising an autistic boy 1:16:05 &ndash; How do you resist the easy method
&nbsp;
🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned on this episode
<ul>
<li>Hugh&rsquo;s ADHD&hellip;brief - <a href="https://bit.ly/4aofEjd">https://bit.ly/4aofEjd</a></li>
</ul>
📖&nbsp;Things to read
<ul>
<li>You can find all of Maggie&rsquo;s books here - <a href="https://bit.ly/46g4GK7">https://bit.ly/46g4GK7</a></li>
<li>Help Me Help My Teen by Maggie Dent (page 106 to converse with teens) - <a href="https://bit.ly/4aYi2NO">https://bit.ly/4aYi2NO</a></li>
<li>Maggie&rsquo;s Fragile Boy Friendship Blog Post - <a href="https://bit.ly/4qUqzGw">https://bit.ly/4qUqzGw</a></li>
</ul>
📺&nbsp;Things to watch
<ul>
<li>Bluey &lsquo;Octopus&rsquo; episode - <a href="https://bit.ly/4riF2Ng">https://bit.ly/4riF2Ng</a></li>
<li>Marc-Andre Leclerc - The Alpinist - <a href="https://bit.ly/4tEsaCR">https://bit.ly/4tEsaCR</a></li>
</ul>
💻&nbsp;Things to check out
<ul>
<li>Allan Schore&rsquo;s Brain Development for Boys research - <a href="https://bit.ly/3OfRyi9">https://bit.ly/3OfRyi9</a></li>
</ul>
🎧&nbsp;Things to listen to
<ul>
<li>The Good Enough Dad with Maggie Dent - <a href="https://bit.ly/4aGq2la">https://bit.ly/4aGq2la</a></li>
<li>Parental As Anything - <a href="https://bit.ly/4qHAleM">https://bit.ly/4qHAleM</a></li>
</ul>
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, (with the new cards!) purchase here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a>
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel)&nbsp;My Imperfect Life,&nbsp;click here -&nbsp;<a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz"></a><a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuW">http://bit.ly/4lyuuW</a>
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a>
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - <a href="http://apple.co/theimperfects">http://apple.co/theimperfects</a>
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you&rsquo;re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
&nbsp;

Hugh's Open Letter to Parents of Neurodivergent People

The Imperfects

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips