The Daily Show: Ears EditionWhy was Trump convicted of fraud? Was Biden plotting all along? And how are Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce involved in all of this? A lot happened in 2024 and Desi Lydic is ready to Foxsplain it all.
Hey everyone, Daisy lighted here. The Daily Show is on break for the holidays, but in the meantime we put together some special highlights for you. We'll be back in the new year on January seventh with all new episodes.
Why is Taylor Swift really dating Travis Kelsey?
Is it because they have a genuine emotional connection or is it the more obvious reason They're part of a top secret CIA operation to reelect Joe Biden and push the COVID vaccine on our nation's teenage girls. Well, I've been watching Fox News for one thousand, nine and eighty nine hours straight, and I'm ready to Fox flame.
The most dangerous tailor in America since.
That guy who made Obama's tan suit lo.
Super Bowl is rigged for the Chiefs.
Sure seems like something that is like concocted in order to accelerate the fame of these two people.
The Biden administration is working on what they call the tailor strategy.
Taylor Swift quite frankly, does not know that she is being utilized in a covert manner, this.
Fake, carefully crafted show. There's nothing but a sye off.
Taylor's got a blank space, baby or she'll write in the name of dead people on fraudulent ballad stumble and Biden's plan just might work because the Swifties are brainwashed.
They'll do whatever she tells him to do. It's a cult.
I could go on, but I have to leave in ten minutes so I can get a good spot at the MAGA rally that's eight.
Hours from my house.
Taylor Swift psychologically manipulates thousands of women with her mediocre music.
It isn't even that good. It's like she literally wrote the song about me. Mark my words.
Joe Brandon only wants Taylor's endorsement in case it helps him win the election.
Oh yeah, I just blew the lid off this thing.
Travis Kelcey aka mister Pfizer, some grown man who gets paid millions of dollars every year to throw a ball around while promoting poison death shot.
Taylor Swift and mister bud Light Pfizer.
Who is this Travis Kelcey aka mister aka mister bud Light aka mister potato Head. And he also change his facial features in genitals. Probably heap politics out of the NFL. It's about sports and standing for the national anthem and the Air Force fly over funded by.
The US military.
The government is clearly forcing Travis and Taylor to date.
Does this look like a happy relationship to you?
Please tell me, because I don't know what a happy relationship looks like.
And some people say Taylor Swift is secretly gay.
Yeah, a secret gagent of the Cigay. Here's how it's gonna go. Chiefs win the Super Bowl. Travis proposes to Taylor. The wedding invites go out. I don't get one. I show up anyway, dressed like the joker.
I am so done with these two.
I bought a Travis Kelsey jersey and a cardigan so I could burn them, and yeah, that led to me burning my house down. So yeah, if you could donate to my GoFundMe, that would be really huge for me.
Four more years, four more years, four more years.
Patrick Mahomes's Antifa Donald Try has been handed down a judgment that is in many ways worse than the death penalty. How could this happen in what used to be America? I've been watching box News for one hundred and seventy five hours straight down from four hundred and sixty four, and I'm ready to Fox explain how New York's broad case against Trump is the worst bond decision since Quantum of Solace.
First the facts.
Donald Trump was ordered to pay a staggering four hundred and fifty four million dollars to New York City. Just to put that in perspective, that's one dollar per person that's been murdered on the subway every day. This judge was a far left whack job.
Look at him?
What is he?
Hillary Clinton in a Henry Winkler mask. I'm mondy, you cluster.
Let me tell you something.
If Trump was a drag queen, New York would be giving him four hundred and fifty million dollars. He'd be dancing in a public library right now, and he would be serving.
No one can afford a four.
Hundred and fifty four million dollar bond, I mean except Trump, because he's super rich and that amount of money means nothing to him, Which brings me to my next point. We have to give money to President Trump. Venmo Zell Kickstarter put dollar bills in his waistband like a stripper.
Four hundred and fifty four million dollars bond.
Ask yourself, how did they come up with this number math? Who invented math?
Muslims? Or was it the Chinese?
I need to Wikipedia to Babylonians wokesters Ah. The timing of all of these cases is a little bit suspicious, don't you think?
For example, is it really a.
Coincidence that the Democrats waited until after the twenty twenty election to prosecute Trump for trying to overturn the twenty twenty election?
Think about it.
No victims, half a billion dollars.
There were no victims, There was no money lost.
There's no victims in any of these cases.
This is a victimless crime. I mean, it's not like you raped anyone. Let's not used that one.
What kind of lonely existence is this?
When you you derive your happiness or sorrow based on the trials of another person.
If you're excited by the idea of law locking him up, you are sick.
Black them all.
You want to know why this is happening? DEI Donald election interference? Also black people by.
Bank of America.
May I borrow four hundred and fifty four million dollars for a friend? Hello Antifa?
Huh.
The Babylonians were the first to compute the value of pie interesting. Donald Trump weighing in on abortion, saying it should be left up to the states.
The states will determine by vote or legislation, or perhaps both, and whatever they decide must be the law of the land.
Pete talked about compromising, having a heart for other people, but also we have to win.
Abortion is murder ring the Republicans' chances in twenty twenty four. So they've developed a perfect newsstance on abortion.
What is it?
Well, I've been watching Fox News for eighteen hundred sixty four hours straight and I'm ready to foxplain how Donald Trump and the GOP have learned to speak sincerely and compassionately about this stupid lady's issue. Republicans have principles that they will not compromise on unless it's an election. Here, I want power. Whichever principles give me power, I choose those. So Republicans are learning to moderate because at the end of the day, women can vote. Unfortunately, luckily, Republicans are led by the perfect spokesman on all issues, lady and.
Vaginal Donald Trump. Trump ended Roe v.
Wade that solved the abortion issue nationwide except in like forty to forty five states, and Trump is genius to send it back to the States.
One has the.
State's rights issue ever led to anything.
Bad in America.
Donald Trump is pro life, but he's pro choice for states.
He's pro life.
Pro I remind those folks that are passionately pro life, and I love those folks.
If we continue to lose.
Elections we do not get this issue right, we will lose elections.
We love our baby, I love being a mother. But what's most important Republicans taking over. His core argument is about winning. And if you're losing elections, are you willing really win in the life issue.
We must protect the sacred life of Donald Trump's re election campaign, Push little campaign, don't say a word.
Trump is gonna win you a second term. Pro choice with pro choice, pro life, with life choice.
If you had to travel to another state to get an abortion, it's not the worst thing that worth buying a bus ticket to go somewhere to get it.
It's not the worst thing in the world.
Really, Probably more Democrat that wants abortion literally when it's coming, when the child is coming.
Out of the birth canal. And looks like the majority of Americans don't like the rape and incest thing.
So listen Republicans must learn to be very sensitive when talking about the rape and incest. Do hicky blah blah blah.
And if your state bans abortion, who cares? Get on a bus all a boy.
Don't be fooled.
Democrats are gonna spread all sorts of misinformation when it comes to the Republican stance on abortion. And don't forget Democrats want legal abortions up to the twenty third trimester.
I'm very pro choice.
I was proudly the person responsible for the ending of Row V.
Wade, and he said that you were a pro choice. Now you've changed right strongly.
But I am pro life.
Donald Trump's true stance on abortion shouldn't be a decision between Donald Trump, his brain and any woman whose abortions he might have paid for. Trump is pro life, with ads nine ninety nine a month for nine.
Months, no vaccines.
Planned parenthood is run by werewolves.
Democrats treat Trump like a terrorist. Now they've taken away his freedom of movement.
The President's got to sit there, he can't say a word.
I think they bought a million dollar soccer field for the people in gittm.
This weaponized Department of Justice, it will never recover.
Moove over trailer tears.
Donald Trump's money porn star case is the worst thing America has ever done. They are treating President Trump worse than a terrorist. He's stuck in court. Meanwhile, Ben Lawden's out there all day surfing in the ocean.
Yell. He can't nap, he can't sneeze. He can't even place Sudoku.
On his phone.
You cannot make someone sit still for that long. It is impossible. See, it's inhumanity.
Trump's in a torture chamber while Biden's prosecutor puts on a show trial. The guy needs exercise, he needs sunlight, and he needs activity. So he has to sit there all week for six weeks, and if he.
Says anything, they throw m in jail. That's crazy.
They are torturing this man. Trump needs sunlight, fresh air, regular walks. His heart worn't medication. He's gonna get the zoomies.
Trump was this close to exercising for the first time. Not anymore. He can't sing, he can't.
Dance in Irish jig, he can't play his beloved ukulelean.
He can't yodel.
That unprecedented gag order preventing Donald Trump from even defending himself in public. He's not allowed or they're gonna put him in jail. What happened a freedom of speech?
For the love of God, lift the gag order.
The American people deserve to hear what Donald Trump thinks about this case. If Trump can't speak his thoughts, what's he supposed to do? Keep it all inside? He doesn't have any room in there. This jury is not impartial. I've been following all the jurors home every night this week to watch them sleep.
I promise you they are nuts.
He can't gargle, he can't break dance, he can't build ikea furniture.
For God's sake, this is vindictive. It is evil.
A former president should never be treated this way until Joe Biden is out of office, and he should get the electric chair.
Biden is authorizing deadly force against his political opponent.
This was an attempt at assassination attempt on John Trump.
Meret Garland basically issued a kill order for President Trump.
Donald Trump in an email titled they were authorized to shoot me?
Biden was quote locked and loaded, ready to take me out.
That's right, John Wilkes.
Biden approved a rate on mar A Lago, where FBI agents weren't authorized to use deadly force. The FBI was one hundred percent out for blood, and if Frump wasn't one hundred percent twelve hundred miles away in a different state, they would have gotten it nice. Tried double O'biden or is it double Joe seven? I'm still working on it. The FBI said, this is standard protocol. Who are you gonna believe the FBI or the sharewoman of the house CrossFit commit KFBI.
Here's a standard protocol, the goose.
Oh, but the FBI was so polite and tried not to cause a scene and never pulled out their weapons.
It's called killing him with kindness. Don't get it twisted.
Biden was locked and loaded with a custom grizzy, ready to pop a hot one in Trump's fat dome.
They brought a medic, a combat medic. They had a trauma center eighteen miles away in a map. They wanted a gunfight.
They were also instructed to wear unmarked polo or collared shirts.
It was a siege by land, by sea, by.
Air by uber during surge pricing, assassinated being political opponents. America has turned into a Banana Republic, which explains all the polo shirts and it all went through the FBI, the Federal Biden of assassination.
Joe Biden is a senile.
Old fool who also masterminded an elaborate multi agency assassination plot. The man is incompetent and also dangerously competent.
Zero dark forty five.
I'm onto you, Jessica Chastin. They're calling Republicans weird, which is weird in and of itself.
It's so weird Democrats say JD.
Vance is weird.
Jd Vance is somehow weird and not the party that brought people like Sam Britton, you know, who stole everybody's luggage at the airport.
There's some weird policies on the left, like porn in kids classrooms.
You know what's really weird, leaving our borders open.
What I think is weird is not thinking for yourself, That's right.
The far left Democrats have taken time away from building a socialist abortion laser to call good, honest patriots like JD. Van and Marjorie Taylor green weird.
Republicans are weird.
Democrats are the ones who want to make ap butt stuff a requirement for elementary school. They're the ones milking all mins, which last I checked, don't have nipples. They're the ones providing litterboxes to illegal immigrants who identify as Garfield.
Nomega's to Mondays.
Then get out you know who else they called weird Steve jobs, Elon Musk, the unibomber, he went to Harvard who Republicans have so many wonderful patriots in their ranks.
Look at this man? Does he look weird to you?
Hey?
Stop calling Republicans weird. You guys are.
Being so unwoke right now, stop it, stop it.
It's so unfair. It's just so juvenile. It's do doo, it's poop poop pead, they go poopoo and diaper. What is weird even mean? What does it mean?
What? No one knows what it means? Why won't they tell us what weird means so we know how to respond. I pronouns are not and weird. No, that's not but not and not weird.
Not weird, and she her who?
I would accept it if liberals attack Donald Trump for an actual flaw, but he does not have one.
God bathed him in the milk of perfection. Not weird.
It is so disappointing to see these childless socialists stoop so low.
I'm so weird.
How Come none of the strangers that I talked to in the YouTube comments of flat earth videos have ever called me that before? You know what, I don't have time for this weird nonsense because I have to go protest in front of a library because there's a book in there with boobies in it. Trans immigrants are taking our cheeseburgers.
