How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome, Live from Shine Away!

Published Oct 8, 2024, 7:01 AM

In a first for the show, Bright Side alums Amanda Kloots and Gaby Dalkin join Danielle and Simone live from Shine Away in Los Angeles. They discuss the pervasive power of imposter syndrome, and the ways they’ve fought through it — from striking power poses, to best friend pump-ups, to pep talks from Jamie Lee Curtis (!?). 

Hello Sunshine.

Hey fam we are so excited to welcome you to a very special episode of the bright Side. We're going to be diving into our own journeys with imposter syndrome with a couple of very special guests, and we're also going to discover how to remind ourselves that we're worth it.

If it sounds a little different today, it's because Loriel Paris and the Hello Sunshine Collective have come together to present the first ever live recorded episode of the bright Side at Hello Sunshine Shine Away in Los Angeles. We are so excited to highlight an incredible collaboration between Loriel Paris and the Hello Sunshine Collective. We're creating community around confidence and helping women fearlessly pursue their passions. We'd like to give a big shout out to our Hello Sunshine members here with us today. I see some familiar faces in the room.

It's Tuesday, October eighth.

I'm Simone Voice, I'm Danielle Robey and this is the bright Side from Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together to share women's stories, to laugh, to learn, and brighten your day. Hello Shine Away, Welcome to the bright Side.

So for our best es at home. Shineaway is equal parts entertainment and empowerment. There are panels, workshops, author meet and greets. We've truly got it all. So we're going to talk about the Hello Sunshine Collective for a moment. It has been a game changer for both of us. Danielle and I joined the collective this past year. For me personally, it has been this time of radical self discovery, of new friendships and expansion. And this year's class features creators, innovators, and influencers across food, business, art and culture, including front of the Pod Bobby Dalkin, who will be joining us on stage in just a few moments.

Part of the beauty of the collective is how uplifting it is. Today's show focuses on imposter syndrome, which the collective works to counter through mentorship, through sisterhood and positive affirmation, and by validating who you are and what you have to offer. Being a part of the collective has opened up so many doors for me and Simone, and it's also allowed us to show up for other women as an ally and validate their ideas and their contributions.

I couldn't have said that better myself Danielle. And the interesting thing about imposter syndrome is that it actually is more prevalent in women, even though both genders experience it. But what's so special about our Hello, Sunshine community is our focus on connection and support. Those two things have been proven to ease the negative intrusive effects of imposter syndrome.

Well said, see money, Okay, thank you very much. I think now's a good time for us to bring our guests in. Ya.

Yes, let's do it, shine away.

Are you ready for our convo?

Please help us?

Welcome to the stage, author chef and newly minted Collective member Gobby Dalkin and Broadway sensation co host of the Emmy winning daytime show The Top.

Amanda clues.

It.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, y'all. I can't think of two better people to have this conversation with. We both had both of you on our show recently recently, and now we get to do it. Irl.

I know this is like guys.

Hi, guys hi.

Everyone, Well, let's take a quick picture.

Let's do it.

I'm on low sleep by before week old, so don't judge me. Everybody wave high.

I'm amazer here right now. This is so impressive.

Oh I would never say no to come hang out with you guys.

Oh yeah, sometimes we do it over zoom.

So it's really exciting for us to be here in person with you truly.

Okay, So I think we should talk about why imposter syndrome is the theme of our talk today. The reason why we wanted to talk about this is because in the months that we've been recording our show, we've just seen this come up as this recurring theme throughout a lot of our conversations. So how about we just start with a little bit of level setting. I want to start by defining the term. So, imposter syndrome is a behavioral pattern characterized by persistent doubts in your abilities and accomplishments. And people who often struggle with imposter syndrome often fear being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of their success. Kind of triggering to read that book.

Well, what I think is interesting is actually, let me ask a question first.

Does anybody keep New Year's resolutions?

Oh?

Wow, I'm very impressed.

We have like four hands in the air. I can never keep a New Year's resolution. So I choose a word of the year, and this year I chose worth actually, and so I realized I had to work online.

Self esteem is what you think about yourself.

Self worth is what you think you deserve, and I had to work on what I thought I deserved. And I think I share that because imposter syndrome is so tied to our self forth. So I want to start with you, Amanda, when was the first time you ever felt it? Yes?

Okay, so this was I when I got the job at The Talk as a TV host, and I think it will is my second or third time guest co hosting. And Jamie Lee Curtis was our guest interview that day, and I was like, I just remember being in the dressing room being like, I can't interview Jamie Lee Curtis like I am a nobody, Like I can't say so Jamie Like I was like, this is I don't know how this is gonna go down. And there's five of us, you know, hosts on this show. I think it was still over zoom because it was COVID, so it wasn't even in person, you know, which kind of brought down the anxiety of it in general. But you know, we're on the show. You have to do what you gotta do. And it was like my turn to ask Jamielee Curtis my question. And I was and you know, the camera turns to me and I'm like, ah, so Jamie and she goes stop. She was like Amanda, and I was like.

I'm sorry.

I was like and she was like, grief.

Is love that we can't express, and I think you are an inspiration and she starts going on and I'm like, what is happening right now? That's so beautiful. It was so beautiful, and she literally like flipped the switch on everything that I was feeling in that moment, and it kind of made me realize, like, wow, imposter syndrome is all just like my self doubt and negativity, and like, it just was such an eye opening experience of what you know, you never know what somebody else on the other side is thinking, and yet you're damaging yourself with your own thoughts.

But it was amazing.

Sometimes I think we need other people in our lives who can bring us out of that spiral and remind us of who we are. Like that is truly the importance of friendship and community. Now, Goby, you've said that imposter syndrome shows up for you in your first right, like your first private chef moment, your first ig live, your first cookbook. Yeah, what feelings does this conversation bring up for you?

I think imposter syndrome for me is when you're on the brink of something new and you just don't feel like you're quite ready for it. And so, like you said, the first time I was a private chef, I was still in culinary school. I had no idea, I didn't know how to cook fish, and I was cooking for a family who loved fish. So like it was a very much fake it till you make it moment for me. And the first time I published a book, I was on the Today Show and I had never done live TV before, and I blacked out and I just remember Craig at the end of it was like that was such an incredible first time segment and gave me a hug and high five, and it was like that moment where I was I needed that reassurance from him to go out and do even more. And so the first time you're ever doing something, you have a lot of nerves and you're calling your friends and you just have to surround yourself with people who build you up. So when you're on the brink of something new, when you need some reassurance, you can have that.

You know what I think too, It's like, I think we get imposter syndrome because we don't necessarily allow ourselves to celebrate entirely the things that we accomplish in our life. Yes, I think we're so used to I did that, Okay, what's next? What else am I gonna do now? Like I haven't done enough this week, I haven't done enough this month, I haven't done enough this year.

I have to keep doing more things.

And so you don't allow yourself to really feel the accomplishments that we are achieving in our lives. And so then when something new does come along, you feel like you're not ready for the Today Show. But like you're ready, You've been prepared. You're just you're not allowing yourself to sit in it, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I want to ask you guys about these four types or subtypes of imposter syndrome. There's the perfectionist, so anything less than perfection is considered failure. The natural genius, which is a funny name. Success is measured by how easy something feels. Superwoman competence is measured by your abilities to successfully juggle everything.

I'm Thanksgiving.

And the experts excess is measured by the volume of knowledge that you have. Show of hands in the audience. Do these four types resonate with you? Yeah, I'm getting lots of head nods. Yeah, one or multiple.

That's what I was feeling as you were reading it. I'm like, I feel like I'm a combination, which that's just how well are you? I think I'm a combination of all of them except natural genius, Like nothing has ever felt I can never say I've identified as a natural genius or that anything has ever felt easy in my life. So not that one, but all the other ones I want to hear. Yeah, how about what do you guys think?

Well, I was just gonna say Goby was just pregnant and did a whole book to her and came out with a whole line at Grayton Barrels.

So I'm pretty sure you're a superwoman friend.

That does resonate and you never want to say it. But the natural genius of it, that was how easy things feel is definitely something that hits home for me.

Oh say more, what do you mean?

Yeah?

When I I mean, listen, I definitely struggle with things and that's hard for me. But when something comes to me really naturally. For example, when I first did an install liive and you're like, I don't know how to go live. I want my own TV show. No one's going to give you my TV show. I'm going to do install live instead, it was very like seamless to do it, and I just kept doing it and I felt great about it, and that gave me that confidence to keep going.

I interviewed a psychologist once who said competence equals confidence, and that's kind of what I'm thinking with this, Like the more you do it, the less scared you are.

Yeah, A repetition's a huge way to get past imposter syndrome for me, Like in continued education, reading all the things, asking people who have done it before you. Those are things that I always lean into when I'm feeling like I shouldn't be here.

Okay, So Goby. That leads me to my hot take on imposter syndrome. Are you guys ready please please? Okay? I actually don't think imposter syndrome is always a bad thing. I think that it means that you are at the edge of your abilities and your skills and you're just facing a new challenge that is currently tad bit higher than where you feel your skills and abilities are at. And I do the exact same thing. I've had this, you know, one eighty perspective shift on imposter syndrome, and I've realized the things that helped me get through it are reading books, are listening to thought leaders in this space, and it's actually it's pushed me. It's it's motivated me.

That's like the competence part. Right, Yeah, you just keep doing it, Amanda. How does it show up for you and your body? I freeze sometimes, Gosh, no, I will.

I'll probably just trick myself into saying like mantras like if I'm going somewhere and I'm nervous about feeling like I shouldn't be there, I'll just I'll just start doing mantras of like I'm amazing, you know, I mean, just like things just worth it.

Yeah, I'm worth it.

I should be there.

I know what I'm doing, you know, Yeah, like those kinds of things, and I'll i'll just you know, throw my shoulders back.

I'll just like work on.

Exuding confidence on the outside, even if on the inside, I'm freaking out.

The way you're describing it feels like anxiety. Is that how it manifests?

Oh?

Hello, like anxiety?

Yeah?

Yeah, yes, yeah, yes, that's the answer.

So how do you navigate those experiences of imposter syndrome? Now, Like, I'm thinking about how both of you are in these fields where you are, you know, constantly up against people's opinions, people's criticisms, and those things can they can tend to stay and linger with us? How do you deal with those comments and criticisms on like a micro level.

You know, I'm really good at kind of just rolling off my shoulders.

I learned when I was doing Broadway.

After I did a couple of Broadway shows and auditioning, and you're constantly against amazing people who are easily more talent than you, better singers, any better dancers than you, should get the job or whatever. I just started staying in my own lane. I'd be at auditions and I would tell myself, put your blinders on, and I kind of that's how I've always kind of approached things, jobs and everything. I just got a new job and I was up against a couple people, and I just remember at the last audition I was at.

I was like, stay in my own lane, Amanda. You are only you.

Yeah, you can only bring yourself to everything, you know what I mean? So I just that's my kind of rule of thumb.

Gobby is known for the slutty brownie? Does anybody know that you know what the slutty brownie is?

Okay?

And that came up because you were chefing for Jessica Simpson and her family chef.

It's not worrying.

I don't know.

I like it the private chef.

I'm wondering what you think the difference is between normal self doubt and imposter syndrome because you've put yourself in a lot of spaces that are new.

Yes, normal self doubt and imposters. God, great question. I mean I think inherently we all have self doubt, period. I think imposter syndrome shows up a little bit more for me in work environments, like, for example, self doubt. I just had a second baby, and I'm like, am I gonna love this baby the same? Like I like I doubted. I didn't know I would, I didn't know I could. I do no one panic, But like I until I got on that delivery table, I was very I doubt it my I just didn't know, and imposter syndrome is a little bit more prevalent for me in professional environments.

I was gonna say, do you think that imposter syndrome is brought on by like other people involved? Like self doubt is Like I can be at home and have self doubt, but I experienced imposter syndrome if I'm in an environment with more other people.

I've never thought about that.

That's really interesting it happened to anyone else here.

Because you're comparing yourself to more people when you're surrounding yourself with them.

Yeah.

Probably, Okay, speaking of comparison, I want to talk about how social media factors into all of this. For you. We're getting some moans and groans out there.

Some headnuds.

So the University of Edinburgh found this link between browsing LinkedIn and imposter syndrome, which is really interesting. So I can't even imagine what happens when we're on Instagram and TikTok. Actually I take that back, I can't imagine because I know what it feels to scroll through and be comparing yourself to other people. How does social media factor into this for you.

Well, my mom once told my mom is my unpaid therapist. She's not actually a therapist, but she could be. She once told me comparison is the thief of joy.

Yep.

And I really try and remember that. So when I am in a deep dark TikTok scroll or Instagram scroll and I've all of a sudden past four hours and my eyes are red like it's there is entertainment, and we have to remember that that is just a snapshot of someone's life and it's a highlight reel, and some people are putting some more vulnerable things forward, but for the most part, don't lose herself into comparing people on social media because it's really their best foot forward.

Yeah, I would say I think social media for me just makes me feel like I'm not doing enough sometimes, and I think that goes back to the feeling of, you know, not really experiencing the joys and the successes we have in our life because you do something and then you're immediately looking on social media and you're like, oh my gosh, they're doing that. I have to do I have to do more. I have to do more, and you're not even celebrating what you just did. And I do that all the time.

Ali Goldstein be Loriel came on our podcast.

Right there, you just got so shy.

She's like, oh, I couldn't see you. Hi, Hello, Hello.

Well okay, Ali right here said something on our podcast that really resonated with me. She talked about looking in the mirror and telling yourself you're worth it.

I have little post its.

On my mirror.

I got it actually off of Instagram. It sounds very corny, but when I look in the mirror in the morning, it helps helps me. And I don't even have to say the affirmations out loud. I'd love to know from everybody here, Simone included. Do you have an affirmation something you say to yourself?

Yes, yes I do.

I think I started this again when I started my fitness company. I end every class, in every private in a star post. If you think about like everything we do in life is very small and compact, Like you're driving in your car, you're sitting at your desk, we're always on our phone. We always are making ourselves small. And when you stand in that star post, you're expanding your body. It actually boosts your testosterone and reduces just and anxiety. And then I always say, make yourself as big as you can as I do that pose, and I do it before any kind of like audition or interview or anything that I'm like freaking out nervous about, just to build up my confidence.

I really like that, Amanda, that's time. I'm not usually a power post girl, but I like the star.

I know I haven't tried the star post.

It feels so good because we are constantly making ourselves small.

Make yourself big.

Well, that's what fear does to us, right like it makes us want to shrink down. But I can remember having imposter syndrome about a public speaking engagement and doing some research about how to kind of push through it. And one of the tips is to take up space, like take up space whenever you're speaking or whenever you're on stage. But I think that applies to so much more than just that environment. The idea of taking up space I think instills this confidence in us. Yes, yeah, Gobby, how about you? Do you have a mantra affirmation? Well?

I do affirmations with my daughter. I don't do them for myself, but I probably should. But we look in the mirror and we say they're different every day. They change all the time. But for me, I think instead of doing, instead of my version of a positive affirmation is working out, Like I work out every day in the morning in some way, shape or form, just to get my head right. And I think that's probably my version of it.

I've seen you work out.

You really work out, Bobby, my lover, because you said your daughter. My son is in the audience. He's up there. Hi, al this, Hi Elvis, and let's see if he'll say it.

We do, Elvis, what do we do? We do confidence check?

And what do you say? What do you say? I'm so handsome. This is the highlight of the entire conversation.

Because you're so handsome.

He's so handsome, so sweet.

Okay, Danielle, you're not getting out of this one. What's yours?

Okay?

I usually just say this sounds corny, but I say thank you, and I just think it's like the easiest, simplest prayer that you can have is just gratitude. And then I say, Danielle, you didn't come this far to come this far.

I like that you have a really good one.

Yeah.

I actually there are two that come to mind for me. I had a conversation with one of my dear friends, Nate the week and he said to me, fear makes you forget who you are, and that is something that I think about all the time now. So just when I'm in those moments of fear, like remembering who you are, Remember I'm a man of clutes, I'm Danielle Robai, I'm small boys, I'm gotta be dalkin. You know, like we have to give ourselves those little pep talks. But I do have another one, but I need a little help. I don't want to do this alone. Okay, so you guys all have to do it with me. Okay. I literally did this out in the hallway. I did this when we did our talk show appearance together last week. Yes, so there's a phrase that I say to myself in the mirror, and it's impossible to say it without smiling. So we're gonna try it together. I am radiant. I am radiant. See you're all smiling. You can't help it. Your mouth just curves into a smile when you say it and just fills my body with good entertyes.

Yeah, that was good.

Should we take some audience questions? I think so we want to hear from all of you.

Is there anybody out there who don't be shy? Yeah?

Please, we want to bring you.

I'm gonna bring you up anyways, I'll go because I'm standing right in front of the microphone.

Thank you do tell us your name.

I'm Catherine Podcast. I'm just so happy to have you guys all here today. But a big theme of today was your community. And I heard you talk about your mom, You've talked about your son. Who's someone else in your community that reminds you every day that.

You're worth it?

Oh?

Great, and you're worth it is the Loreal tagline That is my favorite tagline of all time's tagline.

Got to give a shout out to Loreal for that.

It's a great question.

Mine is my best friend Matt. He is also a Zumba instructor, so he exudes high energy and if I'm ever doubting myself or nervous about something, he will give me the most epic pep talk in his zumba energetic way. And he's that for me.

That's so special that it's a best friend. You don't really hear that a lot.

Really, Yeah, I think like a lot of people say their mom or like a.

Well she's said, my mom, I can't I can't repeat it.

I would say mine is one of my best friends that has seen me through a lot of seasons of my life.

Her name is Rachel.

Yeah, I was like.

Where is she? She has seen me through a lot of different seasons, you know, marriage, divorce, marriage, loss, and she Yeah, she's like one of those friends that just like always gives me that punch where you're like, that's right, I'm.

A man of cludes.

Yeah. Yeah, you're like that's right.

Okay, right, okay, good, I'm gonna go do that.

Then.

Yeah, what do you think it is about that friend though, like, like other than your other friends?

Is it because you value her opinion?

She's an angel on this earth? I really do think.

I mean, my friend Sarah knows her as well. Wouldn't you say Rachel's an angel? She's an angel?

Yeah.

I think I got lucky and I have an angel for a friend.

Yeah, everybody needs a Rachel in their life. I'm gonna I'm gonna go with the friends too. I mean, it's it's all about, you know, the friends. So many of my friends are in the audience today, and they are the people that I lean on and turn to whenever I need to remember what I'm about and what I can do. And my best friend Liz is someone that comes to mind. She uses exclamation points very generously, and I think it works. I think there. I think we need to research that because I think the exclamation points there's a scientific chemical reaction that happens in here.

That just works.

Yeah, how about you.

I told my whole life to not use exclamation points, and now I spoke for it. Let's use some.

I don't care.

I am with you.

I love prom like hello, goodbye, Hello, that's funny.

I'm going to say my mom.

Yeah, I think she knows me best, for better and worse, and so I value her opinion. Yeah, okay, don't make me pick. You have a question you want to come up?

Okay, come on? What's your name?

NICKI?

Nick?

Cute outfit, Nicky?

Thank you? You know you say sunshine and you dress the parts.

Yes, we love the butter yellow.

So my question is you all are very successful and beautiful people. Thank you for doing this podcast and being role models for everyone. So do you have an end goal in mind that is like what you're reaching for? Do you find that it evolves as you you know, expand your reach and get exposed to different opportunities.

I was talking to someone about this the other day, Tim, He's right here, for I think, I mean, speaking for myself. We live in this digital world. Like I started What's gotby Cooking as this, it was a blog and it's evolved into this other thing, and the whole world as far as that it goes, is evolving. Like so, I have no idea. I don't know what the end goal is like because I think in five years there will be new platforms and new opportunities and different avenues you could go down and find yourself building a business. So I don't think it for me, there's no end in sight, like well, I'll know I'm done when I know I'm done.

I love that answer so much because I always have felt so stumped whenever people ask me, what's your five year plan? What's your ten year plan? I stopped coming up with one because I realized I wasn't dreaming big enough dreams. And why why set a ceiling that's unnecessary? You know, And I've I've I mean, and to be honest, like this is it for me, Like I am I'm living dream right now, having conversations with incredible inspiring women like you two us getting to become bright side besties together to meet this community like this is really meaningful, fulfilling work. So I'm so content and happy.

I would say that I feel like I don't because I've had so many versions of my life. I feel like I'm on version twenty five of life, and so I feel like I gave up on what I can expect in five years because I've learned that you have to live for today and do everything you possibly can in those moments because you never know what tomorrow will bring or be, and so I kind of just thrive for the moment and then let myself live and grow and evolve as life is happening.

That's beautiful and such a great reminder. Thank you man. How about you, Danielle.

I had a pang of imposter syndrome when you said that I don't feel successful. I really Ever since Hello Sunshine started, all I wanted to do was work for Hell of Sunshine. I really feel like my mission about trying to change and make the next generation have more tools and feel better than I felt is so in line with what they're doing. So changing the narrative for women. I think regardless of how that shows up, you know, I don't know how that will show up in the next few years.

I think the through line between what you just said, what Amanda said, what Gobby said is redefining success in a way that works for you and makes sense for you, and we have to give ourselves permission to do that. Well.

This actually brings me to a question.

Do you feel like you've had imposter syndrome more or less as you've gotten more successful?

Yes?

Yeah, But when Tim interviewed me, Hi Tim shot shout.

Out to Tim shout out show runner Tom I.

He was like, you never experienced it on Broadway? And I said no, because when I was starting out on Broadway, I was a nobody. I was at open calls for three hours waiting to be seen. There was no like I'm I'm walking into this audition, everybody look at me. It was like I was a nobody and you like worked your way up. That's how you kind of really kind of go through Broadway.

You work your way up.

So I didn't really experience it until I was like here in Hollywood and as an older person. But I also think it's like a new hot term. Like it's a like mental health wasn't talked about ten years ago and now it's like the hot topic. So it's like, I feel like imposter syndrome wasn't something that was being said to me when I was eighteen years old.

Agreed it personally.

It gave me words for what I was feeling, So I like appreciate the term, but I do agree with you.

It's really buzzy. Have you felt it more or less?

Definitely more as I've gotten older and further in my career. Like I say, I just was nobody and I was, you know, hustling as hard as I could to get to where I thought the next step was. And I think it wasn't until I got further up that journey that I started thinking about it.

Something that always gives me peace is a statistic that I read in Julia Borston's books. She wrote a book called When Women Lead, and it turns out that as women, our confidence increases as we get older, and for men there's declines and it kind of plateaus at around forty Do you feel like you've gotten more confident as you get older?

Hell, yeah, I'm almost thirty four. Each year I feel like so much better and.

Calmer in who I am?

Do you Yeah, one hundred percent. I think it comes back to that competence thing too. It's like more reps been doing this for about fifteen years now, being a journalist, and so you just start to feel more confident.

And don't you feel like you stop caring what people think of you the older you get? I give zero part.

Yeah.

I also think as you get older, you really refine who you're hanging out with and who your friends are, and hopefully you're surrounding yourself with people who build you up, so it's easier to lean on them and not feel bad about that for sure.

Anyone else, do we have time for more?

Do you feel like imposter syndrome or self doubt is something that you've always had or was it.

Taught by society?

First of all, she is sixteen years old, everybody, great question, Reagan.

With a very cute hairdo that's a great question.

I think it's perpetuated by society for sure. I think when you look at our kids, like I'm talking five and under, they do they are living their best lives. They have zero cares in the world, And I think as we get older, and we're society impresses certain things upon us. That's when you start second guessing yourself. My daughter wants to be the moon quite literally not possible, but in her mind it sure is.

So yeah, yeah, really creative.

Though you perish we're in trouble.

That's interesting though. I think you're right, Goby. I think that that it does. It does encourage it. I think our society encourages it. I think social media encourages it. I think it is something that maybe is taught, which is sad. That's sad.

But when does it start? Where does it start?

I can tell you when mine started.

It happened for me when I was trying to fit into workplaces that I didn't feel were really a fit. So it's like that phrase that I always get wrong about fitting a square peg into a round hole.

Did I say that right?

You did at the time? Okay, good, Yeah, you got it. I've said it so many times.

I've said it wrong so many times on the podcast, and so you know, you're getting feedback that's not necessarily in line with who you are, doesn't fit. And then I felt like I had to shape shift, and I had a lot of male bosses and I think I felt misunderstood by some of them, not all of them, and that's when it started for me.

It was that feedback loop.

And I mean, I haven't had that once here, So I think there's a huge difference when you have women at the helm of things.

Yeah, I see a hand.

You made a comment when does it start? So I'm a child in an adolest and psychiatrist, and first I'd like to say, first of all, yes, zero to five, they have no fears.

It starts at six.

Years old when they are in school and the first aspect of fear comes into their minds of being feeling like belonging or taking a place, of where do they fit in? Who is their friend? And then we become people pleasers. So what you were all saying is fantastic. I just wish, like this young sixteen year old said, it starts early for our kids, or for all of the youth, and the opportunity is to start them early in this conversation, not when they get in the workforce or they're in high school, because social platforms will always be there and as you said, it is going to change in five years, but to start them with that conversation of we don't have fear in our minds and our hearts and our souls. Is what needs to be started now, and that is when it starts.

Is what come from affirmations or what are you saying?

It comes from everything. It comes from the first thing is that we need to listen to our kids. We have forgotten to listen to our youth and their conversations and what their needs are and to create those resources and guidance. Some need affirmations, some need a conversation. They need to be trusted, and they need to be listened to. So to do that, we've got to talk to them and we've got to communicate with them.

You have a podcast, No, you know what?

Do you like this? I forget who said this to me? Oh, a therapist, but never mind, was an out of the box kind of a therapist.

If you get my drift.

He said, listen to what your children are saying, and listen to what they're not saying. My mind was blown. I was like, that's so beautiful. Oh, there's a hand.

So I love the expert, like the karma to bring the expert into the room here, so amazing, incredible, And I fully agree and I work with girls, and we see the confidence drop between certain ages between thirteen and eighteen. So I guess my question for you guys and king off the loreal what would you guys say to the young girls in particular who might be listening with their moms or their very cool aunts about being worth it?

What would you say to them about their worth at a young age?

Thank you for that question, Alana, I would instill, like what I've learned about myself, be you. No one is you walk into every room as you, don't try to be anybody else because you're going to bring something to the table that no one else can bring because they're not you. That that's kind of like what I've learned in my life.

Gobby, how about you.

I think about my mom when you say that, because I mean my mom just never spoke down to herself or to us, and she was really careful about how she talked about her body and what she was feeding in all these things when we were younger. And I do think it's our job as adults to really show our youth how to be confident and how to not like. I know one of my friends is like, oh God, I'm so fat and I'm like, don't say that in front of your five year old. She will take that to heart. So I think that's our job as parents and leaders and adults to really impress stat upon, like show those thirteen to eighteen year olds how to properly care for themselves and love themselves and not put those words in their minds.

Bobby, I love that. I love my mom's very well.

Can she be unpaid there?

I had a podcast during COVID for like a year before I had a baby, and she was my favorite guest on it. She was she's very insightful, beautiful.

Uh oh, I have to answer now, huh.

I think you know what.

I I would tell them learn how to control your thoughts because that's something that I learned way too late in life. I let these thoughts just like run wild in my mind and didn't realize that I had the power to control them.

That's a great one.

So once you can do that, you can learn how to tame your inner critic. And doesn't mean it's gonna go away completely, but you can learn how to manage it better.

How about you.

I've interviewed three people this year with a book about worth. It's in the title or it's part of it. And what I've learned from them is that it's everybody's life journey to find it, to build it, to remember it. And so I actually have no advice. I think it's part of the process of learning, and that's like part of life. I personally feel like not everyone feels this way. I feel like I've worked for mine, I've earned it. I've had a lot of bumps and bruises and scars, and those are what make me feel like I'm worth something. Now. I know some people just feel like they are, but I didn't grow up in that house.

No, it's like that Chinese proverb, like with the bold that's filled with the gold. You know, I'm talking about, like it's all broken, but it's filled with gold and right, yes.

The broken pieces that make it beautiful.

You guys, not I'm talking about again.

Well, we could do this all day, we could talk to you guys all day, but I think this brings us to the end of our conversation. You know.

I think that imposter syndrome can take away from beautiful moments and make you feel like you don't remember your worth. And so I think if there's a takeaway from today It's just like Simone said, when you feel fear that you forget who you are, it's remember who you are. Feel that worth You guys brought so much warmth into the room. I could feel your souls so thank you so much. We're so grateful for you.

Yeah, come to our studio. Can we all just can we bring all of you to our studio all the time? That'd be the best. Thank you so much. You're worth it. Your audience to shine away. Thank you got me talkin. Thank you, Amanda Klint, thank you amazing.

You're worth it.

Keep looking on the bright side, y'all.

The Bright Side

Start your day with The Bright Side, a daily podcast from Hello Sunshine. Co-hosted by journalist, T 
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