Gaby Dalkin Breaks Down Feasting and Fertility

Published Aug 6, 2024, 7:01 AM

The dynamic Gaby Dalkin is a renowned cookbook author, chef, and journalist. Gaby shares her expertise on mastering summer grilling, debunking the myth that grilling is just for men. The woman behind the viral "slutty brownies" also opens up about her deeply personal fertility journey, and how she maintained perspective in the face of it all.

Hey, bright Side fam, Hello Sunshine.

We have a deliciously exciting show lined up for you today. Joining us is the fabulous Gobby Dalkin, cookbook author, chef, and food and lifestyle writer. Gobby will be sharing her secrets to sizzling summer eats and proving why women are taking over the grill. Plus, you won't want to miss her incredible story about how slutty Brownies changed her career and hear her open up about her fertility journey. It's Tuesday, August sixth I'm Danielle Robe.

And I'm Simone Voice, and this is the bright Side from Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together to share women's stories, laugh, learn and brighten your day. Okay, Besties, you've heard me say it more than once on our show. I believe dinner parties are the solution for everything, birthdays, breakups, pivots. A dinner party just cures at all. Danielle, do you agree, thoughts Simone?

I love that for I don't agree, but I've also never been to a Simone dinner party. So maybe you could change my mind or my life.

Oh my gosh, let me change both. I'm so ready. Well, our guest today is known for her life changing dinner parties and so much more. Gobby Dalkin is the chef behind the popular website What's Gobby Cooking. She launched the website in two thousand and nine, right after she graduated from college and decided to go the culinary route, and now fifteen years later, Gobby has gone on to build an entire multimedia platform. I'm talking cookbooks, social media, and even a show on QVC. And here's the thing about Gobby. She's all about the California lifestyle. She's written a whole book about avocados, and she brings that sunny Calli perspective to everything she does. She really does.

But last year, Gobby revealed that there was a lot more going on behind the scenes in her life. She shared that she and her husband had spent significant time on an IVF journey with the hope that they could conceive a second child, and after a miscarriage, a failed transfer, and a chemical pregnancy, they were out of embryos. In a post she made online, she urged her followers to remember that the path to motherhood isn't always linear.

This launched a whole new conversation that Gobby has continued to engage in on Instagram. She's shown how she's given herself hormone injections, and she's also been a resource to answer people's questions and just document her journey as she and her husband have continued the IVF process.

And fertility challenges are more common than we all may think. This year, the US Department of Health and Human Services reported that millions of Americans have experienced infertility at some point in their lives. Even some of the most public women we know, like Michelle Obama, Brookshields, Nicole Kidman, They've all opened up about their own struggles with infertility, and the chances are we all know someone or are that someone who's been touched by this issue exactly.

That's why treating everyone with compassion is so important, because you never know what people are going through, and we do have some good news to share. Earlier this year, Gobby announced that she is pregnant with our second child. So let's bring her in to get an update on all things Goby. Gobby Dalkin, Welcome to the bright Side.

I'm so excited to be here. Thank you guys.

Gobby.

California is so embedded into your brand's DNA. How do you describe the What's Gobby Cooking spirit, ethos and aesthetic?

Oh my gosh, well, A thank you for noticing that that is what we strive to do, so I'm honored that it's coming through. But I think What's Gobby Cooking is all about living a very happy, sunny, approachable life where food is really at the center of everything. Whether we're having a complicated conversation about something, it's done over food, because inherently that's what brings people together.

There's also this like ease and comfort element there. I notice that you do a lot of comfort foods, but in a healthful way. As a Chicago and I have a particular love for that. How do you think that we can all channel the essence of the quintessential California girl in our food and embrace that lifestyle no matter where we're living.

I think it's really all about using what is in season where you live and letting the ingredients shine. You don't need if you're cooking with stuff at the height of the season, you don't need to make it overly fussy and make more work for yourself in the kitchen. I think you know if you just pick a couple things and let them do their job.

You're going to be in a good place.

Well, your philosophy and approach to cooking also has a lot to do with where you buy your food, right, Yeah.

I mean, fortunately, I live in Los Angeles, so I have access to some of the most incredible farmers markets. But I grew up in Arizona. I never went to a farmer's market. That's not a thing there. But I still think when you are going and searching, no matter where you are, you just are looking for things that are look the best, smell the best, and that way you're letting those flavors really shine.

It's funny that you brought up farmers markets, because I think it's something that I take for granted living in LA. But whenever people are visiting or they're telling me things that they that remind them of LA, farmers markets really come to mind. So we are really lucky. I just needed to take a moment to acknowledge that we're so lucky.

And it's so funny. I just got back from a book tour and even going to places where you think there would be farmers markets on every day of the week, it's not as much of a thing, like I would spend a lot of time with some of my friends in Dallas, and that's not something you do on the weekend.

Well, you just brought up that you have been on a book tour, and I want to ask you about your most recent cookbook, which is called What's Gobby Cooking Grilling all the Things, and it's geared toward anyone who might be intimidated by grilling. I think this is so important in America because grilling is not just an appliance, it's not just a tool. It is an identity for a lot of people. And I always find it so interesting that advertisers make grilling ads for men, for dads, but they never make it for us. They never make it for the moms.

We're trying, we're trying to pivot that frame of mind as far as advertisers go. But you know, I had a girlfriend over a couple of years ago and we did an Insta live together and she had texted me and she said, I just want to feel confident turning my grill on and off and not burning my food.

Can you teach me that?

Right?

And I was like, yeah, of course, come over, let's do it an insta live together. That way, if this is something people are interested in, we can share it with everyone. And the response was absolutely wild. There's a common theme from many people, both men and women, that they're just not comfortable grilling. So I wrote this book to demystify rilling and teach people that it really is just as easy as turning on your stove or your burner or your instant pot or your air fryer or whatever it is.

You just have to know a couple basics.

It's also one of the only grilling books written by a in the last ten years, so I feel very proud of that fact.

I learned about the stock market from another woman, and so I think it's so important to have people like you educating us on the realms of life that are typically reserved for men. There's something that just makes it so much more approachable when you can actually learn about it from another woman, from a pier. So end of summer is upon us, we're in August already. What is one tip that you can offer to anyone who wants to conquer cooking on the grill while we still can this season?

I would say there are a couple of things you should keep in mind when you're grilling. Number One, you always have to preheat your grill, similar if you were preheating a cast iron skillet or a brazer or something like that. You want those grill greats to be hot before you put anything on chicken, steak, fish, a peach, vegetables. That way, it's going to like cook quickly, and then you don't flip it until it releases naturally. You don't lose any of the beautiful food to the grill grades and you know it's ready to flip. So those two things, preheating and letting the food naturally release, are two of my biggest takeaways no matter where you are in your grilling career. And also, just don't be afraid to grill anything. I grill lettuce and I make grilled salads all summer long, and it just takes it up that slight notch and you feel like a total badass.

Hell yeah, we love a grilled romaine awesome. I just have been so in love and infatuated with summer. I'm just here for the relaxation that it brings, this sense of recuperation and like feeling more rested and just these longer days. I love it so much. I'm always thinking of how can I make it last longer? And I feel the same way about vacation, And for me, some of my best vacation memories are just like these really absurdly long dinners and like sitting in the moment and savoring it. So what are your tips for bringing that vacation feeling home through our meals?

You are speaking my love language, because that is my favorite thing to do, and we aren't allowed to get on a plane right now, so we quite literally can't go on vacation because of where we are in our pregnancy.

For me, it is finding those.

Really special moments that you enjoyed on a trip, whether it was a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago, and then recreating an entire night around it. I started doing dinner parties and I would plan an entire dinner menu and have everyone bring a bottle of wine from that specific region, like Champagne, France, and come to my house for a menu curated with food that was inspired by that region of wine, and have this beautiful night that felt look at vacation, but we were very much in Los Angeles. But I think having that slight thematic nod to somewhere you would go on vacation and have a beautiful experience Like that is a really nice way to have a long summer, beautiful evening at home without having to get on a plane.

I love that idea, incorporating the destination into the theme.

Yeah, or I mean, if you're not into wine, you do it via food, like I would love to do one from Tuscany and from somewhere in southern Spain or Morocco or whatever it is, and you just really curate a night around that and get all your guests involved in it as well, have them make a dish from that area, and that way, there's like a talking point. Who's been to Morocco? Who wants to go to Morocco? What do you want to do there? I love talking about travel, so like that to me is a great kickoff to an evening, a conversation with people who may or may not already be familiar with each other.

It's a great idea. Gavi.

I've been aware of your work since we met at the gym years ago, and you used to feed so many people there. Your recipes and your food bring people so much joy. The thing I didn't know about you is that you were a private chef before all of this, and I'm so curious what that aspect of your career taught you as opposed to culinary school.

Honestly, I could have skipped culinary school.

I think culinary school teaches you the base and the formula, which certainly makes cooking easier because you're automatically just like a little bit more comfortable with winging it. But being a private chef, it's so funny because you are in someone's home, the heart of their home, where like everybody congregates, you're feeding this person and their family, which is such an intimate thing, and you are exposed to all of their friends and family, so like you really become a part of their BAM. I'm lucky that the two families I private chef for were incredible. I think if you worked for a family who wasn't quite as welcoming, it would be a little bit harder of a career path. But both families I cook for were the most lovely human beings, and we would eat together and have a glass of wine together, so it was really nice. But it taught me how to stretch a menu because I would plan many times to cook for six and then twelve extra people would show up, So like, how do you shop at eight in the morning for six people and then get a call at three that like, oh, or how having four families over for dinner and there's no time to go to the store. How do you pivot and like expand upon what you were doing?

This sounds like my nightmare? How did you? How do you do that?

You keep a stocked pantry, so like, if you're making steak and you had only bought steak.

For six people, make a pasta, you make a rice.

You like add things that are just already available to you where you're not having to like go find the produce or the protein or anything like that. I'm a big fan of doing like a small amount of whatever you buy steak, fish, chicken, and then having lots of sides so everyone has lots of options, but you're not necessarily having to eat six ounces of steak or whatever people think is a reasonable amount to serve themselves. It taught me to be very confident and flexible in the kitchen, which I think plays into what's God be cooking because there was no room to be like I hope this is okay, Like you fake it till you make it.

Just pray that everyone is into it.

So word on this street is that you were a private chef for Jessica Simpson.

Was that one of the families that you were talking about.

Yes, And I love her so much because her palette is my palette.

We both she grew up in Texas.

I grew up in Arizona after we left Chicago, so like we both love those southwestern Texmex flavors.

So cooking for her was a true treat.

Plus she had so many friends and people over all the time, people I'm still friends with to this day.

So she was a good time.

Was there a signature Jessica Simpson dish?

I mean when I cooked for her, she was pregnant with her first daughter, Maxwell, so we were baking a lot. I have a recipe on my website called Slutty Brownie's that she single handedly took viral. She was on Leno one night. She did not tell me she was going to talk about them.

Wait, you're behind the slutty brownie.

Yeah, like the homemade scratch ones.

Yes, Wait what is this? What does the slutty Brownie educate me.

Slutty brownie is a layer of cookie dough, a layer of oreos, and a layer of brownie her and you bake it all together.

Listen.

I'm sure people in the fifties made this with Betty Crocker mix, but I make it all from scratch, so it's just like next level. And I would make them all the time for Jess and we would all eat them because they're delightful. And she was on Leno and did not give me a heads up sitting there at eleven o'clock at night with my boyfriend who's my husband now watching it and she Lenno's like, what are you craving? And She's like, well, you know, Godby's been making these things called slutty brownies. And Leno goes, well, what makes them slutty? We've never had this conversation. I've never talked to her about it. It's just like the name. And she goes, well, I guess it's because a lot of things go into them. And I'm crying laughing because she's just so funny and she knows her brand so well, and also in a full panic because my website breaks like twelve minutes later. Oh and it's like eleven pm at night. Everyone's trying to get this recipe. I'm like crying because my website's down. Anyways, it's a great recipe even.

To this day.

Was that a game changing moment in your career?

Yeah, because it was really back when websites and blogs were just starting and things were just starting to take off on Pinterest, and like the idea of a viral recipe just started. So that was one of the first ones that ever really took off. And it's because of her.

Okay, we have to take a quick break, but when we come back, New York Times best selling author and chef Gobby Dalkin shares a different kind of life changing moment, one that's set it off on a year's long fertility journey.

That's after the.

Break and we're back with Gobby Dalkin. So, Gobby, I want to talk about family because you are pregnant for the second time.

Congratulations, thank you.

I mean I'm technically pregnant for like the twelfth time, but this is the second one.

That's Amazing's lock.

Well, that's what I wanted to ask you about because I know on social you've been really open about your entire fertility journey. But I actually don't quite know the whole story. Do you mind sharing what happened?

No, I don't.

It's my favorite topic. So Thomas and I Thomas is my husband. We started trying to get pregnant.

Gosh, I don't know.

I want to say in like twenty seventeen, and I think the first time we ever got pregnant. I remember going over to my parents' house to tell them and we walked in and we brought the camera to record it for the secret video we wanted to do, and.

We're like, we're pregnant.

And I come from a family of doctors, and my dad was like, Okay, how many weeks are you? And I was like, I just missed my period, so you're four weeks at the time. And he's like, that's amazing. Let's see how this goes. You have to get past that first trimester. One in four people miscarry in the first trimester. Just so you know that's the statistic. Let's keep that in mind, and like, we're going to celebrate hard when you make it to thirteen weeks. We never made it to thirteen weeks. We miscarried. You know, a handful of weeks later, and it was the first of many. We ended up miscarrying eight times over the course of the last couple of years. But it was an incredibly sobering experience and to have that conversation with my parents up front, and it was such a gift that they gave us because Thomas and I had no idea. You go into this situation so blindly. Sometimes we were so naive that it really levels set our expectations for this. And when we did miscarry for that first time, it was like, Oh, this happens to one in four people. That's twenty five percent of the population.

That's no big deal.

Were cool, and then it kept happening and I'm like, Okay, well, if it happens five times in a row, that's a little alarming. Like the chances of that happening are much lower. Maybe we need to, you know, seek some fertility treatment or figure out what's happening. So that's when we started going down the fertility route and I found an incredible doctor and I really started educating myself about what was going on because I had no idea previous to that.

It can feel like we're spinning our wheels for so much time whenever we're just seeking a diagnosis or trying to understand a problem. Were you ever able to figure out what was the cause of the miscarriages?

No, we have something called unexplained infertility. So when you start going to a fertility doctor, they try and rule everything out. They put me on some thyroid medicine. Even at my thyroid we did a procedure on my uterus. I had a heart shaped uterus, which means I have a little septum at the top. So we shaved off the septum, if you will, because if an embryo had implanted there, there was no blood flow, so that could have been causing the miscarriages. We did that surgery didn't necessarily stop the miscarriages, so who knows if that was what it was. But in my mind, it's just a statistical egg thing. I was thirty three at the time when we started trying to get pregnant. Not all my eggs were good. I was past, you know, my twenties epic fertile time. But just for me, I learned that one in eight of my eggs is viable. We learned that after we had done a couple egg retrievals. This was after we had Poppy, because we had more miscarriages after our first daughter. One in eight times we try and get pregnant, we'll get a good egg. So it's just an egg quality thing for us.

Gobby I this is a different situation. But I froze my eggs in January of last year, and I recorded it and shared it on social media, and I got a lot of messages from people saying like, I can't believe you're sharing this publicly. This is so personal. And the interesting part about it for me was that I set out to do it because I wanted to sort of destigmatize it or share with other people. But what I actually received was like an incredible amount of support from women who made me feel less alone.

Yeah, that's beautiful.

It was sort of this like backwards thing that happened. I'm so curious if that happened to you and why you decided to share on socials so publicly and really in real time.

And I think freezing your eggs, if you're able to do it, is the most incredible gift you can give to your future self. It's just like a great insurance policy to take out. But for us, I was getting questions all the time, When are you and Thomas gonna have kids? When are you going to have what do you want kids? Are you pregnant? And nobody knew we had gone through these miscarriages. So for me, I needed people to stop asking those questions for my own mental health. I've developed a really thick skin because of my job, which is perhaps healthy, perhaps not healthy. But I also wanted to educate the larger audience that those are not questions we can ask people anymore. I wanted it to stop selfishly for my but I also wanted it to stop for other people who didn't have the voice to tell their answer, their friends or their cousins to stop asking those kinds of questions. So that's really when I started sharing it, and similarly to you, the response was overwhelming. It was absolutely wild, the comments I got, the DMS, the people who were like, thank you for destigmatizing this. We've been going through something similar. They're so brave. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm brave for sharing this. I'm just so happy I can make someone else feel less alone.

Yeah, I think women find fertility to be incredibly isolating, Like every aspect of it. We actually have a clip of your husband Thomas talking about those questions that I'd love to play.

Sure.

I just want to give props to my parents because during all this, like they definitely want grandchildren, but they never asked when you're getting pregnant, when are you going to get a grandkid for me? None of that, And so not having that pressure from your parents, like it's so nice and yeah, like just thank you mom and dad.

It was very helpful because and I'm guilty of this, Like I used to ask my friends all the time a couple of.

Years ago, when are you gonna have a baby? When are you gonna have a baby?

When you have a baby, And I realize now how wildly inappropriate that was on my behalf.

Having experienced all of this, how do you think we can be having more compassionate conversations.

That's a great question. If someone wants to talk about their fertility journey, they will bring it up. If they are not interested in sharing it, that is for them to decide when it is right on their own time. Or maybe the answer is it's never right for them and they just don't want to talk about it. But we have to let that person come to the table. First, and I think as a friend being supportive of someone in their decision, even if you know something's going on. Like I have friends who are going through embryo implants right now. I will send them a text and be like, Hey, I'm thinking about you. I do not need an update, but just know I'm here if you need something.

That's it.

No specificity about whatever I'm trying to find out. I just want them to know that I'm here and I'm a sounding board. They don't need my opinion if they don't want it, but if they want a vent, I'm here.

The update thing is so big because you don't have the emotional bandwidth to update.

No, you're so anxious, you're so tired, you're if you're doing the drug stuff, your emotions are running wild. Just hearing that reassurance from a friend is a really beautiful gift that you can give someone.

We have to take a quick break, but we'll be right back with Gobby Dualkin. We're back with New York Times bestselling author and chef Gobby Dalkin. Gobby, I'm really inspired by your resiliences. I just want everyone to understand the gravity of eight miscarriages. That's every month of anticipation, of hope, of thinking, oh, this could be the month that it's going to happen, and then it doesn't, and falling off of that emotional cliff and then having to pull yourself up and pick yourself back up again. What brought you hope while you were trying to get pregnant? How did you find it?

For me, it was making sure all the other aspects of my life were full. For us, we miscarried typically around a nine to ten week mark, so that means we had gone in for this six or eight week appointment, we'd heard a heartbeat, we went in again, no heartbeat, and then it takes another four to six weeks to get your body back to normal.

So during that chunk of time.

I always made sure I was seeing my friends. I had some fun trips planned, whether it's just like somewhere an hour away or a great day trip or something like that, or something a little bit more international. I made sure I was showing up at work. I was just really making sure that I was never sitting around dwelling, because I think that's when you can really get into your own head and you start thinking what's wrong with me? And the answer is nothing's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with me. That's just bad luck. These are my numbers, this is my reality. But there's nothing I could have done differently. So for me, it was making sure Thomas and I were still celebrating each other, going out on date, talking to my parents every day, stuff like that was really helpful in getting us through those, you know, chunks of bummer times. I also realize that it's very easy for me to say a lot of these things being on the other side of it. I have a daughter, I'm pregnant with my second. The other thing I will say is seeing the humor in this situation was really helpful for me because you realize how unhinged of a situation you're going through and how strong you are as an individual, and the female bodies just incredible at what it can endure. And being able to find like funny moments in all of that was really therapeutic for me. I went out for sushi every night after we had a DMC and a big fat glass of wine, and I was like, well, this is my silver lining. So being able to kind of giggle when you're bummed was a really great coping mechanism.

For me, we believe in the power of the giggle.

You gotta laugh.

You have to see how crazy something is and be like this is unhinged, Like how does you just have to be able to, you know, laugh at yourself.

I've realized I am a person who wants to laugh when it's inappropriate, Like I want to laugh through the pain. I think it's the only way through.

I think it's healthy.

Yeah.

Is there anything that another woman shared with you during all of this that really helped you or supported you or got you through? Was did anybody come through with a gift, a word, a moment.

One of my best friends had experienced a miscarriage before me, and her mother in law had told her to practice extreme moments of self care. So whether that meant and going and getting one hundred and twenty minute massage, she was like, you should do that and just really focus on making yourself happy and giving yourself that extra little love because you deserve it, especially right now when you're dealing with a lot.

Yeah, this is really personal, But did this test your relationship with your husband?

How did you guys remain close through it all? Oh?

Yeah, it's for sure, Like put us through the ringer. I actually oddly think it made us closer. I mean, we had to really lean on each other, and I always was really aware that he was going through it. Also, he wasn't the one having to go through all the procedures and the surgeries and all that kind of stuff, but like mentally, he was in it with me. So I think it really encouraged us to have a really open dialogue about how we were feeling all the time. And I think you saw that play out on other aspects of our life. We're better communicators at work. We know what each other's strengths are, so we can lean on each other for those kinds of things. He knows I'm going to provide the comedic relief, and he's going to be like operationally just better at executing things than I am when we're going through hard time.

Such as fertility.

So I think it really showed us our different strengths.

It was great for us.

I know that's not always the experience with a lot of my friends.

I'm so happy to hear that.

Gobby, thank you so much for sharing with us today.

Oh my gosh, thank you for having me.

It was great. Thank you so much. Gobby, thank you.

This was so fun.

Gobby Dulcan is the founder of What's Cooking with Gobby. That's it for today's show.

Tomorrow, we're going on a journey of joy and self discovery with Laura McCowan, the author of We Are the Luckiest and push off from here. Listen and follow the bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Simone Boye. You can find me at Simone Boice on Instagram and TikTok.

I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok.

That's r b A Y See you tomorrow, folks. Keep looking on the bright side.

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