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Michelle Buteau’s Making Herstory, Her Way

Published Dec 16, 2024, 8:05 AM

The outrageously funny Michelle Buteau is the co-creator of Netflix’s “Survival of the Thickest,” and she just became the first woman to record a comedy special at Radio City Music Hall. Michelle opens up about her journey to self-discovery, the importance of betting on yourself, and how motherhood has reshaped her perspective. She also shares the humor that runs through her multicultural upbringing and the power of embracing authenticity at every stage of life. Her new special, “Michelle Buteau: A Buteau-ful Mind at Radio City Music Hall,” is out on Netflix on New Year’s Eve. 

Hey fam, Hello Sunshine.

Coming up today on the bright Side, comedian Michelle Buteau is with us, and she's not just making us laugh, she's making stand up her story. It's Monday, December sixteenth. I'm Danielle Robe and.

I'm Simone Boyce and this is the bright Side from Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together to share women's stories, laugh, learn and brighten your day. On my Mind Monday is brought to you by Missus Meyers Clean Day inspired by the goodness of the garden. All right, it's Monday, Danielle. What's on your mind?

Okay, I'm thinking about something that came across my Instagram page. Actually from organizational psychologist Adam grant So. In his recent post, he wrote, the test of a relationship is not how much you enjoy each other's highs, it's how well you support each other's lows. It's really easy to get along on a good day, right, But care is showing up on a hard day. And the most reliable people in your life are the ones who step up when you're down.

Ooh, yeah, that's truer than true. Is there a specific moment or story that comes to mind when you think about friendship during tribulation.

Yes, you know this is interesting for me because I have had really good friends disappoint me during hard times and acquaintances really step up. And I don't necessarily blame people because I think not everybody is skilled in tough moments, and so I wasn't so upset at the friend, but I have never forgotten the acquaintances who stepped up, and that changed everything for me. When I went through a really hard breakup years ago, I had a friend named Lauren Gallo who's just kind of an acquaintance at the time, and she would text me every single week saying, hey, Bunny, I'm thinking about you, like just little love notes, and for her to care that much went such a long way. I don't know if she knew how much it meant to me, and it changed the way I show up for people during hard times.

Bear with me here. I think this is going to sound weird, but let me explain. I think there is some truth to the idea that misery loves company, And when I think about when I have felt most supported by my friends, it's when we're both experiencing something really tough together and we can like find camaraderie and support in that, oh for sure. You know so I think you can. You can find it in unexpected ways. And when I think about supporting each other through lows, I think about the camaraderie that I have with the women who became mothers around the same time as me, Like that is a bond that is truly unbreakable.

Yeah, you know, I'm thinking about this sentiment, especially as we're in the throes of the holidays, because undoubtedly we're all going to experience some highs and lows, and instead of living in those, I'm wondering if we can carry this idea in our back pocket and think, hmm, maybe some of these challenge jing moments are going to bring us closer together.

Well, I've got a friend who definitely knows how to bring us all together. I'm talking about comedian Michelle Buteau. Yes, the Michelle Buteau who created the show Survival of the Thickest on Netflix, which is renewed for season two. She also starred in the movie Babes alongside bright Side bestie Alana Glazer. And you may know Michelle as the narrator of the Circle. Well with her new stand up special she is making history as the first woman to ever record a comedy special at Radio City Music Hall in New York. Danielle, of course, you know that we missed you for this interview, but I think you're going to enjoy this conversation too. We got to talk about embracing your thirties and beyond, some of the unexpected challenges of parenting, plus what's in store for Michelle in twenty twenty five. I can't wait to listen Simon after the break my conversation with Michelle Buteaux. Stay with us.

Thanks to our partners at missus Myers. When it comes to cleaning, it's more fun if it smells like the garden. Missus Meyers collection of household products Smell, grate and pack a punch against dirt and grime. Visit missus Meyers dot com.

Michelle Viuteaux, Welcome to the bright Side.

Oh my god, thank you like in more than one way, I hope.

Oh yes, oh yes, We're gonna keep it bright. Maybe a little spicy, but we gonna keep it bright today. Yeah, yes, yes, Michelle. I knew I was gonna laugh whenever I watched your special abuteauful mind. Yes, However, I wasn't expecting to cry, and that's exactly what happened. When you walk out on stage to this standing ovation. I saw tears in your eyes. And the reason was you were performing at Radio City Music Hall, which is herstory. You made herstory. You're the first woman to shoot a comedy special at Radio City.

Yeah. So crazy.

In comedians, when we like do our special, it it's sort of like a wedding because you have an idea as a baby comedian what it would look like, you know what I mean, and you kind of do what everybody else is doing.

You're like, I need a maroon.

Curtain and like a four tiered you know, audience like theater, so I can look up and they're laughing.

But the more you do comedy, you're like.

Oh, okay, I can do my own thing and that's okay. And so the one thing I always love with the special is a really good material, duh. But b like, just I wanted to feel like a New York City night out. And so because Netflix has such a crazy platform, you know, the reach is far and mind I'm like, what about those people in one of those like one hundred and ninety countries that Netflix is in that's going to watch this special and be like I can't go to New York for whatever reason, but I feel like I'm there, and that's what I wanted. I had no idea it would be Radio City Music Hall, And I always ask whenever I rent an apartment, I'm like, has anyone died here? And anytime and anytime I do like I look at like a venue for a comedy special, I'm like, what other female comedians have performed here?

Because you just want to know, you know, And when the booker told me no one, I was like, oh man, I gotta do it.

Well, I'm glad you brought that up. Just the significance of performing at Radio City, the fact that you were the first female comedian to shoot a special there, because a lot of probably a lot of our listeners don't realize that you actually have to bet on yourself to even perform at Radio City as a comedian. What gave you the courage to do that?

I feel like, for anyone doing something that they love doing and definitely taking a chance for themselves doing it, like, don't ever lose that. So even though I've been doing comedy for over twenty years, I still treat this day like I did day one. What made me think I could go on stage and make people laugh? I don't know, just a feeling instinct, whatever it is. And so I'm just like, why stop taking answers because honestly, we really aren't promised tomorrow. I don't care how many Instagram quotes you have to read to feel better about yourself for cutting those like toxic family members off, that's great. But also, like bet On, you believe in you and do something fun and scary because you will be stronger for it and you'll be smarter for it. Like if it didn't work out, it would have been a huge learning curve. But I was just like, ooh, we gotta try a bet On Black lol.

Yes, yes, okay. So coming from Jersey as a Jersey girl, was baby Michelle dying to perform at Radio City? Was this always the goal or performing at a venue like that?

No, the goal was go to Radio City to see the Nutcracker with my mom. Don't lose her hand, don't get lost, you know, wait patiently in line for the bathroom, Like no, no, no.

No, When did you first know you were funny?

I don't know, you know you make your friends laugh high school. But you know, I am the only child and I went to like a lot of different schools, and I have a lot of different types of family. Yeah, my family is Jamaican and Haitian and they've married all over.

It's always that thing where it's like a quick and.

Hot, fast greeting where you kind of have to make yourself at home no matter where you go because you can't wait on people to do that for you.

Yeah.

So I feel like that's really helped me and served me in comedy. But in terms of being funny, like I was just you know, working in production and trying to make people like what they did and you know, trying to make them look good. And I'm like, God, you guys are just like basic bitches. Why do I have to teach you, you know, to be passionate about something.

So I was just like, let me just go and do.

This because I was kind of just cracking everybody up, and I'm like, it's not that hard.

But I'm realizing it's not that hard. I feel like actually funny, right right?

No, Yeah, you have to be born with some natural talent, you know what I mean. I can remember, so I was an only child too. Michelle and I remember growing up always being surrounded by adults and also having to We moved around a lot, so I found myself having to assimilate into different sort of cultural situations. And I found that humor became this lifeline for me. If I could crack a joke, then that maybe that was a way to get in with a group of friends.

Yeah, and also to get in with people, but also make people just relax, you.

Know, yeah, yeah, totally, Okay. I want to sneak peek into what the holidays at your house look like, because, like you said, you are the daughter of Jamaican and Haitian immigrants. What do we got Do we got some sorrel cake? What are some of the what are some of the delectable items on the menu this year?

My mom always sends a fruitcake for sure, like just a very dark, heavy rum. Is there a green fruit in there? Or is it someone's booger? I don't know, but I think the main main is stewing. We're just gonna stew some stuff. You know, before it was oxtail, but we're trying to be healthy, so we'll like brown and is dow some chicken but for the most part.

Yeah, uh, it's wine. It's just wine.

It's a lot of secret ingredient. It's for me, yes, wine. Yeah, it's fun though. There's nothing better than like having a house full of like Christmas likes and like food roasting and cooking.

It's like great.

And my husband's Dutch, so we'll get a little like fond or whatever country Holland has colonized.

We'll have a little appetizer from there, Indonesia or something.

You know, it goes what's up surnum woo whooa.

Oh my gosh. I want to go back to your special Michelle. You said something that I thought was so interesting. You said you didn't find your voice until you were thirty. Yeah, in my thirties. Yeah, your in your thirties. Yeah, what changed then? What changed with that decade?

I think it's like one of those things where people like, when you're forty, you.

Don't give a shit.

Yeah, And I feel like that's kind of what happened in my thirties, definitely for work and for relationship, to just advocating for myself, just being okay with telling people that's not okay, you know, not being so hot headed. It sounds kind of, you know, corny, but really looking at things from a holistic standpoint, like I feel really shitty when I'm around you, And that could be for a date, that could be with family members, that could be with a comedy show that everyone thinks I should be doing, or you know, a festival. And so I just kind of really saved myself by saying no. And then when people had some shit to say, it's like, oh, if you want to go, we can go.

Like I do stand up.

Like I have a sharp tongue, I can hurt your feelings but also make you laugh about it. That's the fucking gift of stand up. So if you want to go, we can go. But I'm not trying to start from that place. I don't want to feel like I have road rage all the time because then I'm like giving people my energy and they don't deserve it.

That process of getting honest with yourself is so powerful. It's something that just started doing. It's revolutionary being like I want this thing I want the way did you decide to do it? I think I think reading. I've been reading some books from like a female perspective about desire and rage and want and how these are emotions that we tend to just tamp down as women. Yeah, so I'm trying to navigate, like, Okay, how do I unleash all of these and embody these in a healthy and positive way, you know, but also honest with myself.

Yeah, that's the most important. That's the most important.

Yeah.

It's powerful if you can like figure out when and where and how to use it, It's powerful.

How has motherhood helped you become more honest? I find that for a lot of mothers, we've gained so much perspective and we care so much less about the things that we used to care about. Do you feel that way?

I feel like I care more about other things now, which is so weird and wild.

To like really pinpoint.

It's really hard to pinpoint where I am and who I am and what I'm doing.

When I've never done it before.

Yeah.

So I'm just like, you know, it's like when I'm in those meetings and people are like, do you have any questions?

Like, I don't know what to ask.

I've never been here before, but like, yeah, like I my friend Jodan Carlos once told me, like, when you become a parent, you have to pare it yourself.

Oh, yes, it's so true.

Yeah, I didn't know what he meant.

I thought he meant like, figure out your hangovers. But it's like, how are you going to react in these situations? How are you going to advocate for them? And it could be with anything. It could be with that kid at the slide that's not sharing the slide. It could be with the pediatrician. It could be with the teacher where you don't like their tone, it could be truly with it could be with yourself, right, and so like, it's changed me in a way where I'm definitely more responsible about my health for sure, because I want to be here as long as possible. You know, these cute little souls, they're so good and fun and pure and they have curly hair, and so I need to be around to do that.

Yes, you do. As mom of a curly headed child. I agree. I felt so seen by the way that you talk about parenting and your special fun.

How old are you guys?

They are three and four.

I have two little boys, my yeah. Do they share a room?

They do share a room? Yeah? And you have two five year old twins yeah? Yeah, okay, so I have to ask you about this one dynamic that you pointed out. You say that your son is on the quieter side, but you've got a sassy daughter. Yeah, and your daughter brings out that black mom sassiness in you.

She sure do.

I am trying to figure out, like how do I how do I conscious parent while also like taming that nineties black mom that raised me that just like comes out. It's a lot.

It's a lot. Let her say, let her cook, let her say, let her cook.

Like picking the moment is important too, because this morning I was getting the kids breakfast and lunch together before school, and I let them watch the tablet while like they breakfast and I comb their hair and stuff, and it just it sound as different and you have to really watch what they're watching.

I and they found a video.

I don't know how they found YouTube number one, but they found a video about like somebody like shooting Peppa Pig, and.

It was like it was just like a weird I was just like, what is this?

And then I just like really lost my shit, but like in the best way possible. Mama far came out and I was just like, we don't do guns. Guns is not part of this house. Guns are dangerous, they are violent.

You don't know what violent is. Al r, let's get into it. Aggressive.

You know, aggressive is okay, and you like use examples and like, my guns are an absolute no. And even people who say they know how to use a gun sometimes don't. And so like, you know, you pick and choose those moments where I'm like, look me in the eye and tell me that you understand what I'm saying.

You say yes, mama. And if someone says that they have a gun at home or like their dad's got a gun and they want to you tell me first yes. And so I really kind of fucked their morning up.

They were like in such a bad mood getting in the van, but I was like, shut it down.

You know, there's there's so so many types of moments in situations.

It's hard, like you know, in public and oh well, parenting in public is so rough.

It's not okay.

I'd rather I would rather get a perhaps your in Times Square at five am.

That'd be more productive for society than parenting. And I'm like, oh my god, oh so true.

How do you and your husband navigate parenting? Do you do? You each have different parenting philosophies like is one of you the disciplinary and one of you is a little more lenient.

Yeah, we're so different, and it like about different things too, Like my dad was very strict at the dinner table with like manners, and you know, it's.

Like and so like I would like sometimes go to bed with like no.

Dinner, and I'm like, I don't want to build anxiety around food, you know. Yeah, but that's like that's like such a thing, and everybody has a different relationship around food and like, and so that's just like one of the many examples. But you know, again, like you parent yourself, and so we're like parenting to get there together.

Yeah. I was always like how did Sunny even share work together?

But it was probably like easier doing something on stage together than it was like parenting.

That's that's for sure. That's what nobody ever tells you that parenting is the hardest job. Maybe people do tell us that we just don't listen. We just do it.

Yeah, because it's like you're dammed if you do, you damn if you don't. It's always right, is always wrong. It's just like oh he cares, Oh he cares too much. Oh he doesn't care at all. It's like, oh my, like the what is it?

You know what I mean?

It's yeah.

I think it's very rare to be on the same page about everything that's wild.

It doesn't happen. I don't think. I don't think.

I don't think it does. And if you do, then your edible is real good.

The key is disassociation.

I love it. I love it.

Don't ask me to spell it, but I love it.

It's time for another quick break. We'll be right back with Michelle Buteau. And we're back with Michelle bute Michelle, I am. I'm just so happy for you. You seem like you are really loving the work that you're doing, loving your life. Like you just seem your passion and your or enthusiasm for your work it just jumps off the screen. You have started in dozens of films and TV shows over the course of your career, but season two of your show, Survival of the Thickest Oh my God, is dropping next year. Season two's are not guaranteed in this business anymore. What did it take to make season two a reality?

I mean again, it's just like just the unbridled like joy and love and passion and making sure that you kind of like leave it all on the field like no matter what, like even getting season one done, and then also out not promise, so like don't do things.

For other people.

I mean, yes, you like work with producers and it is like a wedding sometimes SCOOPEI has to say, right, but definitely always put your voice to your stake in there and just switch at the fuck up. You don't have to do what everybody else is doing, and that's how you stand out, honestly. So for me, it was just inclusion because the hilarity is always like gonna be there because the bitch is funny. But you know, I w I wanted to reflect my New York and then also diversity behind the camera, and so we had all female camera ops. We had all female directors this season, all female directors again of color. We made sure to put those casting announcements out with trans mask, non binary, queer questioning, you know, all of those fucking things. And it's like fucking beautiful because we have Peppermint, who's a beautiful black female transactor.

And it's so dope because.

Then then when you hire a black trans woman, you get to have a stand in a body double, right, and then you get to hire like an up and coming black transactress and you're like, Yeah, this is what the world should fucking be. So this is the future, so get into it.

Well, you mentioned that you've gone to great lengths to really make the show distinct and stand out, and I truly think you have. And one of the ways that I think survival of this I guess really stands out from a shows in the space is the honesty. It's just so real, like you're not afraid to show the mess. And I know that the show is based on your book of essays, was there a particular scene that pleasantly surprised you when it came to life, Like you were like, oh my gosh, that came out way better than I ever could have imagined.

I mean, there's so many catching somebody cheating and like having a full on like don't go Jersey on a bitch and getting to do your own stunts a la Tom Cruise, Like.

But is there any other option then going all Jersey in that moment? I think that was the only choice.

No, there's so many Jersey moments where I'm just like, just back up and let me do my saying, Like when I told the director that I wanted to wall to work for rialsies. She was like, we should get somebody to do it for you. I'm like, no, just figure out your camera angles. We get three tries otherwise I start getting dizzy. I've done the research in college, and let me just like shake my footy and I mean also getting gum on like someone's dick in the back of a taxis.

It's like just to like even watch it, like come to life.

It's just like seriously and serious and the best way possible.

It does feel like in early Quansa.

Every day.

I love it. I'm so proud.

And that's the thing too, Like sometimes the best thing is just to do it, Like who cares if it's like gonna work or not.

Like sometimes it's just about getting it done.

Yeah, because a lot of times that fear stands in the way of actually just getting it out there. Okay. I saw on Instagram that you reposted an article oh no, that was titled Young, Fat and Gifted, which celebrated the progression of plus sized black women on screen. And when I saw this, it reminded me of our recent conversation that we had with Natasha Rothwell. And I feel like you, you two, and so many other women in this industry behind the scenes as well, are leading this revolution that is really redefining.

That's great.

So what characters look like on screen? Do you feel a sense of camaraderie with other black female creators, like a Natasha Rothwell for example, Oh, my.

God, of course.

I mean of course, because we kind of started around the same time. And so there's like this moment, you know when you used to audition in person like before COVID for pilot season, and we would always go in for the sidekick me Natasha, Nicole Bayer, Dulce Sloan, I'm forgetting a bunch of other bitches. But it's just like beautiful bucks and bitches, and we're just all there in the room.

It was really.

Interesting because I think we all realize that we are only in competition with ourselves because whoever makes it, we know that you were like paving the way for all of us, Like you are making us like like some sort of like proven entity, right, Like we're so much more than just a sidekick, and we're gonna like make your script better and help people feel seen. It's that thing where and I'm so fucking tired of it. But it's that thing where you do take the chances because you don't know when you'll have this chance again, and because you know that someone your size or your shade shouldn't be the number one of the call sheet because we haven't seen it.

And so I think it's one of those things.

Where it's like, well, I've been jumping a lot, and now I'm gonna jump even higher and kick that door open, but also leave it the fuck open for everybody behind us, because no more, no more of that. That's insane and it's bigger than just like numbers and advertising and making money. It's like people need to feel whole, they need to feel entertained and educated, but.

Also like fucking seen and beautiful. Beautiful.

People need to feel beautiful, and so like that's the honey, hush.

Well, you do look so beautiful on that show. I was watching it with my cousin and I was like, she looks so good in every frame, like the glam the word break it.

I'll take it, because you know, half the time the makeup artists are just like, can we put more makeup on you?

I'm like no, what, No, this is what it looks like, can we reframe your double chin? No, this is what it looks like.

People are asking you to do that.

They are because they're so used to actresses saying hide this, hide that, get this side in my face, shoot from here. I need more makeup. I'm waking up, but I need lashes. And it's just like or we could just be.

Ourselves, which is Mavis's whole point in the show, Like that is her mo. She wants to help women embrace their size and not.

Hide from it.

Yes, we're in alignment. Were everybody? Yeah, everybody is in alignment. I love it. I'm sure you get so many women who come up to you on the street and men too, and people of other genders who come up to you on the street and are so moved by your work.

That's got to be so gratifying.

It is.

It really is everything because it's for the people.

Who need it, and then when they get it, you're like, oh shit, this is great. Even and speaking at the Black Queer Summit last year for GLAD, there was a gaggle of non binary twenty somethings and cute little lesbian is with mohawks and stuff. Yeah, all away from Kenyon talking about the show, and I was like, what, I don't even talked to people from Queens.

Yeah, from Kenya. What is that flight like?

But it's really wonderful, you know, and the reach that you have the platform should only excite you, it shouldn't limit you.

Okay, your special comes out on the last day of twenty twenty four.

I'm kind of a.

Big New Year's reset person. I don't know if you are too, So I have some questions for you as we look ahead into twenty twenty five.

Oh my god, come on, Barbara, Well just let's go. Let's go. Welcome to a view.

Let's go starting off, what are some of the truths or mantras that get you through life's transitions like a new year? Oh my goodness, upgrade, always upgrade, Like you know, I'm looking for new dishes, and I'm like, do I go to many seats with the Monday sale? No?

Oh girl, you've dumb.

Macis go somewhere else because something that looks like it was made out of clay or something.

You know.

The point is, yes, I think it's like a great combination of like what's that song like make new friends but keep the old. Yes, whatever you really love and you're attached to keep it if it works for you.

Yeah, I don't know, new friends person at this point in your life or are you open if the feel is right, if the vibe is right, Yeah, you're you're mad.

I don't know.

But like also, like you know, these kids have playdates and stuff.

So I'm mindfully demurely.

Doing the best that can with what I've been given because it's twits now.

It's twits.

Yes, that's so true. And they got different sets of friends, but they're the same age yea yes, and not all those play dates are fun. It's it's no, it's like a shashido pepper. It's like one in ten is fun, some.

Like day, some like day. Yes, So it's interesting.

Okay, do you have any rituals that you'll be doing to ring in twenty twenty five.

I feel the need to do new so new sheets, new towels, new dishes, new forks. I feel like even eating in restaurants, especially in airports, like these forks there's like energy on them. I don't know how they've been washed, but so many metals have been on them that I'm just like, So I feel like the kids will be turning six in January.

Let's do something new for twenty twenty five.

So I don't even remember the question, but that's what I'm going to be doing.

No, I'm getting a clear message. You need new dishes and you need I hope, I hope your husband knows. Michelle, thank you so much for coming on the bright Side. Is that it?

Oh my god, it was so fun.

Thank you for making the side bright.

Michelle Buteau is an actor and comedian. Her Netflix special Buteauful Mind, is out December thirty. First, that's it for today's show. Tomorrow, we're joined by actor Justine Loop to talk about her success in some of the buzziest shows of the last five years, including the fan favorite Nobody Wants This and Succession. Join the conversation using hashtag the bright Side and connect with us on social media at Hello Sunshine on Instagram and at the bright Side Pod on TikTok oh, and feel free to tag us at Simone Boyce and at Danielle Robe.

Listen and follow the bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you tomorrow, folks. Keep looking on the bright side.

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