Chelsea Devantez is a TV writer, the author of the memoir “I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This,” and the host of the podcast “Glorious Trash.” She joins Simone and Danielle to dive into the pop culture moments of the week, from Tina Knowles’ memoir “Matriarch,” to People’s Sexiest Man of the Year, to Tom Hanks’ comments on aging. They also debate dating rules that feel… well… dated.
Hello Sunshine, Hey besties.
Today on the bright Side, we're popping off audition on the biggest pop culture moments of the week with Emmy nominated comedian and writer Chelsea Devantes. Who will be People's Sexiest Man Alive this year? What is the secret to a Lasting relationship? And Tom Hanks sparks a debate would you travel back in time to experience life at a younger age?
Again?
It's Friday, November First, I'm Simone Boyce.
I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright Side from Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together to share women's stories, laugh, learn and brighten your day. Simone, Happy day after Halloween. How was trick or treating with your kiddos last night?
Oh?
It was so much fun.
Our neighborhood really gets into the decorations, so we always have friends who come over and walk through the neighborhood with us and do trick or treating together.
So it was a blast. How about you. How is your Halloween in New Orleans?
Well, you know, New Orleans is a little bit of a mystical place, so Halloween here was especially spooky, which I love. All the architecture here is like French and Spanish and Creole, inspired from like the late seventeen hundreds, early eighteen hundreds, and so it just really lends itself to some spookiness and some spiderwebs.
You know. My favorite part of New Orleans is probably the architecture. I just love sitting in those really old restaurants and seeing like the crumbling layers of the walls peeling back and you can see the patina underneath. And then I also love those gas lanterns that are outside of every building there. I always feel like I'm in Pirates of the Caribbean whenever walking through New Orleans.
It's so magical.
I thought of that movie yesterday. That's so funny that you said that. The funny thing is my stomach cannot take any more New Orleans breakfast. I need some green juice, I need some egg whites.
I really the grits. I didn't grow up on these. I'm on the struggle bus right now, Danielle.
I can't believe it's already the beginning of a new month. This week alone, we've had so many wonderful conversations. It feels like we just talked about ghosting with Sabrina Zohar one of my favorite guests.
Yeah, her story about being ghosted by someone that she dated for six weeks and then running into that guy on the streets of New York had me shook. Also someone There was an interview this week that I learned so much from while we were recording it, but I actually learned a lot listening back, and that was with the millennial therapist, doctor Sarah Kubrick. Her thoughts on how we can take responsibility for ourselves and who we want to be in the world was really resonant. I love how like basically she was talking about how your insides should and can match your outsides.
I love that phrase. Danielle so good.
I also love doctor Kubrick's comment about how she remains mindful to never over commit to a single version of herself and just create space to grow one hundred percent.
We also had our first ever Halloween episode with comedian Lauren Lapkiz our spooky ghost story loving podcast hosts.
It really is wild that this is our first Halloween episode, Like, that's how long we've been on the air. In March, it'll be a year, all right, besties, we are about to pop off with Chelsea devantees. But before we do, it's time to spotlight our favorite moment of the week, and today's spotlight goes to actor and director Anna Kendrick. If you've been on Netflix recently, you may have seen her starring in the film Woman of the Hour, which has been streamed more than twenty three million times to date. Well, this past week, we learned that she donated her salary from the film, which she also directed to two organizations that are working to combat sexual violence and abuse.
In a little context here if you haven't seen the film, it's inspired by one woman's real life encounter with serial killer Rodney Alcala on the TV show The Dating Game back in the seventies, and the movie also tracks the lives of several other women impacted by him during his year's long killing spree. So in an interview with Serious XM, Anna Kendrick actually shared that she felt gross accepting money for telling the stories of al Calla's victims and decided to donate her salary to RAIN and the National Center for Victims of Crime, saying it was the least she could do.
This is actually really inspiring to me. It's just really refreshing to see someone with that much money, acclaim and power who's willing to give so much too?
Like, what a generous move?
Okay, Vesti's we're flipping the script a little bit.
It's time to.
Pop off with our good friend Chelsea Devantes.
Chelsea, welcome back to the bright Side. I'm so happy to be here. I missed you all. Did you miss me? We missed you so much. Good. I know you're doing like lots of shows, but did you miss my show? Specifically?
I haven't been able to get it out of my mind?
Honestly, thank you, thank you. We argued about Ratman Hot Ratman on that episode, so.
How could no one for get?
We're actually kind of gonna argue about men again today on this show.
Maybe not Ratman. Can I be her argue about men? Correspondent, the mayor of arguing about men? Correspondent Chelsea wants, I love.
It, sounds incredibly official.
I like it a lot, Okay, Chelsea.
On your podcast, you talk all about celebrity memoirs, and we heard this week that Tina Knowles is releasing a memoir. What's your initial reaction to this? What are you hoping to see? What do you think she's gonna cover.
Okay, first off, I'm so excited. This is huge. This is like a mini super Bowl memoir, Like Share is the super Bowl. Her memoir comes out in a month, and we're recapping on the podcast. But then Tina's gonna She's another super Bowl. Here's what I want to be in the memoir. I need details on the first marriage. I need a photo section of only the outfits that she sewed for Destiny's Child, and I want her to point out in every outfit how she made Beyonce specifically look the best in every single, because she did.
Every time I hear about Beyonce's story, and not just the clips that we all have seen online, but when I hear any sort of excerpts of people who talked about them growing up and like Tina having her hair salon and the Destiny's Child girls, like dancing and performing and practicing in there, I think about how Tina was the og. There are a lot of stories that we have not heard because Beyonce's so private, Like do you think that she's sort of just like sanctioned final cut on the memoir?
Right?
Right? That is such a good point, Like what will Beyonce let her mom share Chelsea.
Who's someone that you really want to see a memoir from? Who has a published.
Always Rihanna, It'll never come. I'm giving us an album, so I know that's not coming. But the one that I think people never think about is Sandra Bullock, who is both y'all's like, this is the memoir I need? How about Goldie Hahn, she has one. How about Bet Midler.
I'm gonna do the third cast member of First One.
Now, that is a memoir we need, Yes, yeah, we need that. We need that bad lady m give it to us. I'm going to go with Tracy Elis ross Ooh yeah, oh my god, child of Diana.
The Stories we love. An honest memoir we do.
You gotta go there. If yeah, this is what I say on the podcast, do not memoir. If you are not ready to memoir, exactly, just don't do it. Do a cookbook.
Don't waste my time.
Be like, here's a style book, here's Living by Bet Midler, Like, we don't need your memoir.
Here's a cookbook exactly.
Yeah, you can't really fake it, but you did the opposite of faking it with your memoir.
It came out in June.
It was called I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm going to anyway, and it's skyrocketed.
To best seller status.
You were traveling around the country wearing the pages of your book as a dress that you made, which was really beautiful.
It was actually the pages of my childhood journals. Because there was a part in my book about a really tough relationship I lived through that had violence in it that the publishers wouldn't let me publish, and I, in this moment of rage, I went back and realized that they wouldn't let me write about it in the book, but I'd already written about it in my teenage journals, and so I wore the journal pages around my book tour as my moment of just furious with the system.
That's your resistance, so smart.
Yeah, could not be silenced.
Has the success of your memoir changed the way that you see yourself or your story at all?
Yeah? Oh my gosh.
Yes. Whenever I was like reading memoirs on my podcast, they would always write like Jane Fonna does it, Dolly Parton, Brandy Carlile, Lonnie Anderson. They always wrote in the books, this has changed my life, sharing my story has changed my life, and I was like, I want some of that, but I didn't know if it would happen, and it fully did. I am now living in this place where like fully giving everyone my most embarrassing I mean, I really shared too much. It is so full of so much shame and giving that over to people and still like, all my friends are still my friends, and people still, you know, love me. I feel like my brain pathways have changed.
That's beautiful.
So happy to hear that.
Also, this is a bit tangential, but one of my favorite parts of your book is when you talk about how you have like this Google doc basically of advice that all of your friends have given, Like you're all a part of it, and you thought when you were coming up that you needed the perfect agent of the perfect manager and then your career would pop off. And really you realized that your friends are the people that had the best career advice by far.
And I found out there's actually a term for this, maybe Ray I heard her speaking about it, but it's called networking across.
Have you heard of this? Yeah, I love that quote. I love that Easter Ray quote.
Yeah, and I it was the same thing I was saying except she said it so much better. But which is that, like you always are looking up in life you're like, oh, like let's say I don't know, let's say you attended a Tina fe conference and you're like, god, if I could just meet Tina Fey, and it's like, no, who's sitting next to you. That's the person that's gonna change your life. Who's going to go hand in hand with you. Who's who's like in at your moment in your career, And like my best friends have just like been life changing in ways of like all the beautiful emotional support, but also when you're like, hey, what's a marketing idea? Like they have always had the better ideas than like the I don't no offense to all the fancy people with fancy designer bags. But I'm like I was like, oh, they must know everything. And it's like no, it's just like Michelle Obama said, you get to the table and you're like they're just like me, what of? And like I grew up pretty poor, so like what a bummer?
Like?
I was like they must know everything. I was like, oh, you've been dumb, just like me the whole time unbearabuch a letdown.
Yeah, it's time for a short break, but don't go anywhere. We'll be right back to popping off with Chelsea Davantes. And we're back with Chelsea Davantes.
So one of my.
Favorite things that you do is on your Instagram stories. You go through in US Weekly magazine and you talk about outfits and you talk about them in a very hilarious way, and then you make everybody judge whether, like, which of the four you would wear. And I have to tell you, I'm getting better at picking which one.
You would wear.
But in the vein of magazines, people magazines getting ready to reveal it's twenty twenty four Sexiest Man Alive, which is a big moment of the year always, and as part of the lead up, they're doing something different releasing a handful of sexiest lists. So it includes reader's choice awards in a bunch of categories, including sexiest podcast Hosts, which.
Is very wow. I can't wait to find out if it's us.
Yes, okay, the sexiest podcast hosts?
Are you?
Are you ready for this list? Unfortunately none of us were on it.
Really, I feel like the three of us together do make the sexiest podcast host. It's pretty hot over here.
That's a red lipstick?
Yeah, okay, Travis and Jason Kelce and they beat out Penn Badgely, Josh Peck and TJ Holmes.
What do we think?
Lies?
Have they seen the mustache tricks Travis Kelsey is pulling lately. He is going through so many accessories these days, bucket hats, big mustache is tiny, Like, I don't know, I don't know. I think it was maybe their charisma, not their hotness. What do you guys think?
I feel like it seems like these two brothers have everyone in a choke hold right now. But there are so many other contenders that I feel like could get a little more airtime, you know, like who, Yeah, that's a great question.
Ira Glass from This American Life, Stop this Sexy.
It's also so funny to do sexiest podcast, Oh when famously you don't know what they look like? It is an audio medium.
Will Arnett in there from Okay.
So here's some other superlative categories. We have sexiest long married person, which is just a really interestingly worded title for that. But here are the contenders. Tim McGraw feed out Denzel Kevin Bacon and Ted Danson.
I don't know how Ted Danson didn't win. I love how we just give Denzel one name too. It's Denzel Washington.
Imagine if they did that for all the other names, Tim, Denzel, Kevin, and Ted.
Yeah, thank you. That is such a good God.
But I I agree with this award. I think Tim McGraw is hot.
I think he's sexy, and I love that he's still in love with Faith.
Hill long marriage. I think Denzel it's Denzel like speaks out and fights for his wife. Andy's so hot, and he refused to kiss Julia robertson the Pelican Brief because he's like, I'm a married man, so I think it should have been him.
Okay, so here's some other categories. We have Sexiest gen X. Shamar Moore beat out Benjamin Bratt, Ethan Hawk, and Matt Dylon.
Yeah. I'm into this he too.
I mean, yeah, who's not into Samar Moore. Also, Ethan Hawk is super hot too.
I always was a Benjamin Benjamin Bratt.
Yeah, yeah, he is my choice in that list.
You, Neil, I'm loving this for us. We don't always go for the same guy, but Benjamin Bratt has.
Brought for Benjamin Bratt. Ladies simmer down.
Now, Okay, Chelsea hates my taste in men, but Benjamin Bratt he agrees with, I'll sign off on him for you.
We go go break up that marriage.
So the Sexiest Man Alive the Top prize will be revealed on November twelfth. Do you guys have any predictions on who it's gonna be?
Yeah, it's always a PR stunt, so like who has a movie or something coming out?
Like yeah, like who needs Oh god, I'm better not be Brad Pitt. Oh he's trying to make his come back with George Clooney by side, we better noted him again.
Okay, I have a theory it could be Glenn Powell, but you're right, he doesn't have a I don't know that he has like a project coming out that he'd be promoting. I think it should go to a Pedro Pascal. Yes, that's a big one.
Okay, hear me out, Pedro Pescal for every category?
Yes, yes, I hear you, and I second you, and I affirm that I love that.
How about Keanu Reeves? That's a curveball, yes, uh, just based on how he is carried himself in the press the past thirty years. Give him all the away, No notes, no no notes.
Okay, y'all. Next up, we got to.
Talk about this headline in the New York Post that had me really curious. So headline is a dating coach reveals the juiciest secret to find mister Wright. Of course, everyone has theories about how to find your person these days, right, But there's this one dating coach in the UK named Kayleie Cassel who says that she has actually two secrets that she shares with her clients. She tells clients to date at least three men at once, so I guess she's referring to women who are in heterosexual relationships.
And here's the kicker.
Her second tip is to abstain from sex while dating to make sure you don't rush into what she calls a chemical connection. Honestly, first time I'm hearing that term. It's very interesting and there's a lot to unpack there. So let's break this down. What do we think about this? These two rules?
My feminist politics to disagree, but my heart says yes because this is exactly what I did. I didn't know I was following a rule, but I do think I do think dating multiple people or even just dates at the same time makes sure you're not It helps you make sure you're not gonna settle because you're not just focused on one person. Because it's like when you watch people go on The Bachelor and they're like, how did they fall in love with them? There's only one person for them to fall in love with, so they just went for it. So it's like keep your options open so that you're always assessing correctly. And I think you're also putting your energy out there as like I am ready and open for love and I am in control. And then the sleeping with people thing, Yeah, I couldn't do it because I'm such I was like, I'm gonna sleep with everyone, this is my right, but like my body was like I'm sensitive, Like if I do this, I'm gonna think like I should definitely have coffee with you tomorrow. And maybe that's not always true.
That's really real, Chelsea, and I don't think people people have.
The courage to talk about that a lot.
So yeah, I think that's a very real perspective that a lot of people share because I.
Think there's definitely women who can do it, Like who can sleep with whoever. But I think if you can't, you got to be honest with yourself and I, unfortunately I'm just not one of them.
I sort of have an issue with all the dating rules out there. I know this is a dating coach who's like they're all doing their jobs, but there are no The rule is there are no rules, Like that's so true. It just I feel like you can't mess things up with the right person, and you.
Just say, I'm going to disagree there. I think you can totally mess things up there.
You're saying, like if you sleep with someone on the first date, like you think that's gonna mess it up.
Oh no, No, I don't think that.
You know, Like, I feel like that doesn't matter as long as it's it feels right to you.
I think that's right. Or you could wait fifty dates. Yeah, there's no sex rules.
I don't think.
Also, like dating multiple people, if that works for you, great, but like I get anxious that doesn't work for me.
My theory behind this idea of dating multiple people at once is you're kind of decentering like one specific person. You know, you're not allowing one specific person to get on a pedestal, like you said, Chelsea, you're entertaining multiple options. You also have points of comparison like, oh, this person's falling short in this area.
This person is making up for that deficit here. Yeah.
So I do think there is something too not holding it all so tightly, you know, like being able to hold it a bit more loosely.
I really love that. And when I was doing this, it was it was really about making myself the main character, Like y'all are not the main character. I'm the main character, Like what do I want in my life? And then the moment I went on a first date with my now husband, I was like, oh goodbye. Everyone never saw anyone else again, only saw him. But like, I think it was nice to have been on so many dates to know, oh it's this.
Person, well this or my We have a TikTok that I saw of a woman who was sharing that she had done this one eight in her life and she had decided to completely decenter and deprioritize men in her life. And she was observing how it had shifted her friendships and other relationships too, because after she made that decision to you know, not obsess over men, like not talk about them all the time. Like kind of applying the Bechdel Tests to your own life. Right, she she found that she didn't have as much in common with some of her friends, or she felt like isolated by the fact that she was making this choice to center herself and become the main character. I thought that was so interesting, Like in our society, we really do focus on dating so much and focus on finding a partner so much, we never really entertain what it would look like to de center all of that. Anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. You know what you can keep gone.
I think the same thing applies to diet culture. Is actually what it made me think of. If you're no longer entertaining those conversations of like I look like this, I should do this, Oh God we love this, right, Like, you'll realize like that is something you have with certain friends. You know that that removed that, like, I think, is life changing that you no longer have like diet culture as a center in your life, even if you don't think you have it like you might if you're always being like, oh, I shouldn't eat this, or we'll want to split this, like decenter that, Yes, totally.
What's the best piece of dating advice you've ever gotten, Chelsea.
Well, it's difficult because most pieces of dating advice come to you when you want everyone to drop dead. The moment they say it to ye, like where you're like like come on, like love, like love happens when you least expect it. You're like, get out of my face, Get out of my face.
That's my least favorite one, and everybody that business me off.
The best piece of advice, and it is a popular one, but I do really look back on it and I'm happy I did. It is to make a list of the qualities you want. But there's a catch. You have to be so specific. You cannot write funny because guess what every man on tender would be like me, I funny, Like, no, you're not You're not. So I remember on my list I wrote sees a therapist currently has one or more good male friends who he has emotional conversations with. Oh, here's specific. So and those are the things that I feel like. It was nice to know for me what I like really needed, and then it was nice to be able to make sure my partner had them.
That's really cool.
I love the specificity of that.
Yeah, yeah, okay, here's my other existential broad question for you all. If you had the chance to go back in time and relive another age, would you take it or would you rather stay right here.
Where you are? Danielle, you always have the best questions. This is stunning, so nice.
I can't take total credit because it's coming from a new Tom Hanks movie that.
I want to discuss with you guys, But still I love you. That's so sweet. Hmmm. I would want to go back.
Just to.
Like I wrote about this in the end of my book, where I was like, I wish me now, I could have had me now when I was younger. I wish, you know, and to have that like helping hands. So I would go back in the way where you're like justice for everything that went wrong. But I wouldn't actually want to live it. I really love right now, see money have I I think so?
I think I would Charles dickens it. I think I would do three visits oh, Past, Present future. I mean there are certain things that I would certain time periods that I would love to like dip in and dip out of, Like love to dip into college for like a day or two here and there, or my twenty is living in New York City. There are certain time periods that I would dip into, for sure.
I love that, Danielle.
Okay, I really agree with you, Chelsea. I actually was thinking about this yesterday. Weirdly enough, I wish I could go back to like twenty year old me, knowing what I know now, and I think I would have saved myself some experiences I'm not sure I needed to have, or some lessons I don't know I needed to learn, Like I don't know if I needed to learn everything the hard way.
I co sign that.
You guys are so earnest, It's so beautiful. I just want to go back and party. No.
When you said that, I was like, oh, that's fine. Could you go back on like the one day when there was a good party and like, yeah, come back before that guy like goes you like, oh yeah.
Before my college boyfriend broke up with me on my birthday on January fifteenth.
Okay, there it is there.
It is a hundre versent. Yeah, I live with tons of regrets in the sense of like they're like, oh, everything you go through makes you better.
Absolutely not.
I could cut half of this stuff out. Some things don't need to happen. Hard agree, Hard agree, Chelsea.
Well, the reason I asked you guys this very existential question was Tom Hanks told People magazine that it was fun to look young again. And what he meant by that is that Tom Hanks and Robin Wright reunited for the film Here, which spans decades as it follows the same couple throughout their lives.
But here's what's interesting.
Instead of casting younger actors to play the earlier versions of Tom and Robin, the film used digital de aging technology to make them appear as if they're in their twenties and thirties. So, first of all, if you haven't seen the images yet, please go into Google. It's wild.
But he told people that it.
Was fun to be young again, and he mentioned that transforming into a thirty five year old was the most challenging part of the DA process. And he said that at sixty eight, he's in better shape than ever. Hey has more time for exercise, He's living healthier now than he did when he was thirty five. Like his life was moving so fast that he found it really hard to be his best self. Is what I garnered from his quote. Wow, I find this to be a very male take really, I totally agree.
What do you mean?
Yeah, just in that, like, if you're a man in Hollywood, your career doesn't go away as you age, it often only gets like better and fuller, and like that is the opposite for women. So of course he's like, oh, it's nice to be younger, but like I'm good now, or as I feel like if you ask most women in Hollywood, who would be like, yeah, there's a like two parts a year for me, would you know, maybe all reverse time. I don't know.
Though I'm a hater, I do hear that, but I also think it's refreshing to hear someone acknowledge how much we shoulder in our mid thirties. I think of people who are part of the Sandwich generation who have young kids are also taking care of aging family members. I think there is a unique burden that kind of falls on you, especially if you become a parent during this stage of life. I personally am amazed at my brain and how much I can handle, like how many different layers of tasks and responsibilities I can handle, And I feel completely overwhelmed most of the time as a thirty six year old mom, But I find myself overcoming it and pushing through it.
So maybe that's what he's referring to.
That's retally nice.
Do you think that society is shifting to be more age positive? I've heard better rhetoric in the last year. Actually it's hard.
The first thing I think of is like, obviously Jlo being fifty four. However she's adhering, she's upholding really youthful standards. But at the same time, it is changing your perception of like what a fifty year old woman can be like compared to like when the Golden Girls they were like put her in a home at fifty, you know what I mean. It's like so I think yes, in like the most incremental, tiny way.
Well, it could be confirmation bias just hosting this podcast because we have so many positive conversations with women who like span age range someone do don't you think like everybody we've had on that's fifty plus has talked about how their lives have just gotten better. I don't know if that's just like what they're supposed to say, but they do say it.
I do think that's true. We've had some incredible conversations about that. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that I agree. I feel like things are trending in the opposite direction. I feel like we have a small resistance base who's kind of like fighting the beast and trying to reinforce these positive narratives around aging. But plastic surgery is getting even more advanced and undetectable, and I think as the technology continue is to advance and improve, I think we're going to lose sight of what a natural face looks like, you know, because it's the technology is only going to become more accessible. So and listen, there's like, I'm not like someone who's like judging people for plastic surgery, not in the least, but I do think it's going to change our baseline of what we think natural looks like.
I totally agree with you, Simon.
Okay, well, on that note of plastic surgery, it's time to end the show. Just kidding, Chelsea, thank you so much for popping off with us and just always bringing such candor and heart.
You're really the best. I adore you both, and thank you so much for having me.
Chelsea Devantees is a comedian, writer and the author of I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm going to.
Anyway, we have to take one more quick break. We'll be right back. We're back, Okay, Simone, it's Friday. Let's get ready for the weekend with a little What's in your Cart presented by Walmart.
Welcome to your.
Walmart woof Danielle. I have been in my diy Ara recently.
I tell you what, Simone, I have been so impressed watching your videos. I had no idea you were so handy. I had no idea I was this handy too. I mean to be honest, it's been a ton of trial and error. It can be super challenging and frustrating, but it's so rewarding when it's all done. Nobody tells you, though, how many times you're going to run to the store because you forgot something. So I have been going to Walmart to get everything that I need for these projects.
They have all the.
Power tools, the screws, the spackle that I need to get these projects done and do it confidently.
Oh I'm inspired. You're gonna have to come over and help.
Me at my place anytime. Okay, Bessie's that's it for today's show. Thanks to our partners at Walmart.
On Monday, we're talking investment tools and tips for beginners and pro alike. Sim Roncoor is joining us the founder of Girls That Invest. Listen and follow The bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The bright Side is a production of Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts and is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon.
Production by Arcana Audio. Our producers are Jessica Wenk and Christa Ripple. Our senior producers are Itzy Kintania and Amy Padula. Our engineer is PJ. Shahamat.
Arcana's executive producers are Francis Harlowe and Abby Ruzka.
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Natalie Tulluck and Maureen Polo are the executive producers for Hello Sunshine.
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Special thanks to Connell Byrne and Will Pearson.
I'm Simone Boice. You can find me at Simone Voice on Instagram and TikTok.
And I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok. That's R O B A Y.
We'll see you Monday, y'all.
Keep looking on the bright side,