On Marriage Unhindered, Dr. Alexandra Marcotte joined Doug Hinderer to discuss why couples fight and what it takes to rebuild trust in a marriage.

A listener named Julia called from Chicago with a marriage problem that's been eating at her: her desire to help others keeps colliding with her husband’s trust. For example, she had promised to stop driving a neighbor’s child to school after he raised concerns about lawsuits and safety, but she secretly kept doing it, then felt both guilty and proud that she was helping.

Over time, Julia sees the pattern: she stops helping one person, then finds another in need. Her husband, afraid that one car accident could bring a lawsuit, now wonders if small lies today could become bigger betrayals tomorrow. Julia fears divorce, yet feels torn every time she sees a child or family she could serve.

Doug sums it up as a trust issue: she told her husband she would stop, then didn’t. Dr. Marcotte gently identifies what has happened between Julia and her husband as more than a one-time "ouch". Repeated breaks have become an injury, leaving Julia’s husband wondering whether his voice matters and whether she will stay open-hearted with him when her impulse to help kicks in.

The path forward, Dr. Marcotte suggests, begins not with more arguments about liability, but with slowing down and getting curious. Julia can tell her husband, in Doug’s words, that he “married a woman with a very big heart” who wants to be both a good Christian neighbor and a good wife. Then, instead of defending herself, she can linger with his pain, listen to how this pattern has hurt him, and work with him to find a middle ground where her generosity and his need for safety both count.

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