A young adult woman wrote to Doug Hinderer on the Marriage Unhindered show with a painful tension: she has begun discerning the consecrated life—specifically, becoming a consecrated virgin living in the world—while still living at home. Her Catholic mom reacted poorly, kept pushing marriage, and even told her she was “stupid” for mentioning the vocation so early.

Doug’s first counsel was simple and brave: ask her mother to explain herself. He suggested she begin, “'Help me understand why you are opposed to this.'” If she can name the real fear, confusion, worry, or even the desire for grandchildren, the young woman could respond to her mother with clarity instead of frustration.

Then Doug pointed to the deeper reason discernment matters. After visiting the tombs of St. Francis, St. Clare, St. Benedict, and St. Scholastica on the Relevant Radio pilgrimage to Rome, he asked the Lord why these saints became “big, audacious saints.” The answer that came back was short: “They said yes.”

That, Doug said, is the secret of sanctity: learn what God is asking, then say yes. Doug encouraged the young woman to tell her mom that she's not rushing. She's just trying to understand God’s will, whether that leads to marriage or to consecrated life.

He also encouraged patience. Parents can struggle to “get out of the way,” and even misguided opposition often comes from love. Keep working at the relationship, and keep loving her. Still, Doug offered a sober note to parents: “Do not be too quick to oppose that or you might find yourself opposing God himself.”

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