The Best of Coast to Coast AMGeorge Noory and author Brenda Knight discuss how the practice of thankfulness can change your life, the importance of modeling kindness to set a good example, and how doing something nice for others will inevitably come back to you in return.
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And welcome back George Noory with you. Brenda Night with Us began her career at HarperCollins Publishing, working with luminaries such as Palo Koelow, Mary Ann Williamson, His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. She was awarded the Indie FABS Publisher of the Year Award in twenty fifteen and is the author of Random Acts of Kindness, The Gratitude, The Grateful Table, and The Women of the Beat Generation, which won an American Book Award. She's the publisher at Books that Save Lives and also teaches at the San Francisco Writers Conference. After nearly twelve years from Coast to Coast, she's back, Brenda. Where have you been?
I don't now. I guess I was out doing so many acts of kindness. But I can't think of a better way to celebrate the first day of Spring that being here with you.
This is great. Can you believe almost twelve years?
Yeah, but I've been listening and like you guys are just keep being incredibly awesome and I love what you're doing.
When you were on we talk about your book, The grateful table, right.
Yes, exactly.
Now we've got random acts of kindness. Well, what what is so important of kindness and gratitude.
Kindness and gratitude really go hand in hand. And if you're sort of feeling sorry for yourself or down in the dumps, like, the first thing you should do is something kind for others, like even if it's just like opening a door for a stranger or just some simple active goodness and kindness, and it gets you out of your own head and back into your heart. And the practice of gratitude also can very much help you just in like just your daily existence and help you with your mood and staying upbeat. I often find that even I need a gratitude adjustment.
Is this like karma?
Yes, yeah, it is. One of my favorite of the practices of kindness is what they do in Hawaii, but it's spreading, is called living a Loha, and it's simple acts of goodness that you do for strangers. Again, it can be something just very simple, like helping an elderly lady at the grocery store and like you know, lifting her groceries like into her trunk of her car. Just really simple acts of goodness. I think more of that can bring the world together, which is needed right now.
I had a friend of mine who every once in a while would look at somebody in the checkout line of a food supermarket and go up and pay the bill.
I love that. That's a beautiful act of kindness. And there's what I love about random acts of kindness is that it is a global movement and it's sort of it's still easy to do. Like you can, you know, pay for somebody. If you're in a toll bridge, you can pay for somebody behind you. You can if you're in like a drive through at Starbucks, you can pay for somebody's coffee order behind you. And those things like bring us together and we really need that. But it also really is uplifting. It just it just you know, can just change your whole attitude for the day, week, month, and sometimes we all need that.
I think he always looked at how full the basket was, but he paid for it. Nonetheless, he's a good man. No, gratitude and kindness are they two different things? Shore are they the same?
Well, they're two different things, but they do go nicely together. And I'll focus on gratitude for a minute, which is a sense of thankfulness. I mean, I think we live in a stressed out world. I think there's no denial of that. Instead of focusing on like how bad things are or how scary the news is, which can scare you to death, Like just just turn tune all that out, turn all that off, and think about what you have and and then just be grateful for that and then so that that is the transformation that can be so easy with a sense of gratitude and practicing that. Whereas kindness is giving to others, it's selfless acts and it can be you know, small or large, but no matter what the size, it will it will mean a lot to the other person, the recipient. And it's true that like whatever you give will come back to you tenfold.
There's no question, Brenda that people who lack empathy lack the ability to do this, don't they?
Yes, But I think they can learn it. I think I think it can be a learned skill. And that's why it's a good idea, George, for us to model that to just like, you know, to just be an example. And it doesn't have to be preachy or doesn't have to be showy. It can just be simple and sometimes the simpler the better, and I think other people will pick it up, especially if if you do that for them, somebody that might be lacking empathy, like, go ahead and be kind, but go ahead and be generous to them, go ahead and find something to be grateful for about them. They'll pick it up eventually, and it's worth the effort.
It's incredible what the simple task of opening a door for somebody would do.
Brenda, I agree. I agree, and I do it when I can, especially for elder people, and they deserve that respect and honor. And when somebody does it for me, I am very grateful and I make sure to say thank you.
I love going to the post office box looking for somebody getting out of their car holding the boxes and boxes of stuff, and you know they can't open the door, and you just stand by the door and open it up for them when they go in, and they're in shock, right.
But good for you for modeling that, And then you've said an example, and they'll probably do that for somebody the next time. Because I think people are innately inherently good. I do believe that, and I think sometimes we all just need a little reminder.
Now you grew up poor, didn't you?
I sure did. I grew up on a haller in West Virginia, on a farm, but I didn't know what we didn't have. I mean, I didn't realize that we were like you know, Hillbilly's or Hicks or whatever. You know. I had no idea of that, because like my mom, Helen, like you know, set an example of being grateful and being modest and being a good person. Like she's ninety eight, still lives in West Virginia and is very healthy. I think her attitude of gratitude and kindness is keeping her here with us, and I hope she's here for a long long time. But yeah, I grew up poor, but I didn't know it. It was only when I moved to California that I realize, like, oh I was that I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn't.
My mother's like yours. She's going to be ninety six in May, and she's one of the most generous, nice people I've ever known.
Well, she did a good job with raising you.
Well, thank you, Brenda. I think she did. Dad did two. Both good people be awesome. When you do something unexpectedly for somebody, it generally comes back in some form or fashion of goodness for you. I've seen it happen time and time again, haven't you.
Yes, I have. And uh and I think actually the Bible, like you know, even like mentions that like the good Samaritan parable and things like that. And but what I love about it is that people that are giving in that way, people are generous and good Samaritans, like they're not doing it, you know, for that karmic you know, boomerang or whatever. They're not thinking about that at all. They're in the moment. You know, they're just doing what they feel called to do in the moment. But it definitely does come back. And I have seen that, and I've experienced it too, where you know, a friend was like really in trouble and you know, I went out of my way, you know, went to their house, like stayed with them. In fact, like a girlfriend of mine, her boyfriend passed away very unexpectedly. I mean, he was young. It was really really shocking. She was in shock, and I went over there to just be with her. She couldn't even really talk. And then you know, I just did simple things like you know, washed the dishes, swept the floor, went out and got groceries, just really really basic stuff, and I and you know, I just thought that's the least I could do. And I couldn't think of you know, I wanted to help her in a more profound way, but that was like what was right in front of me, like sort of chop witho, you know, Carrie Water. And then years later she told me that like that like made a huge difference to her and like sort of kept her, helped her keep it together because she was in a lot of pain. So I was really happy to know that that helped her. And then actually she helped me with a similar situation.
I found all of this Brenda is to do it without expecting anything to come back and return.
Yes, that's exactly right. That's the beauty of random acts of kindness. Like there's no expectation. You just give it away and just like you know, let it go and like you know, let it go out to the universe and spread more goodness.
And it will happen on its own.
Absolutely.
I spent nine years with the Navy. My insurance company is a military insurance company for people who have served or continue to serve. It's a huge company and every once in a while they divvy up the profits and give you a little check. It's not huge, but they give the members who I am, a check at the end of the year. Well, I forgot all about it. I gave some homeless person some money. They were holding the sign, and I felt really sad for him and gave them a little more than I should have. But what the heck, But I just gave it to him, didn't expect anything back. Went to the po box. It was a check from my insurance company for ten times what I gave the person. How do you explain that?
Well, I do think that the universe and whatever, like you know, whatever big energy is. I mean, like, you know, my mom as an evangelical Christian, so she she would say God, you know, God had a hand in it. Other more new age types here in California would say, the universe has your back. But I do think that when you put good things out, it comes back. And so you weren't expecting anything when you gave to that homeless guy, and then you know, the universe had your back.
Exactly. Omers Generation Y and Z are they all different?
You know, I think they are, but there's certain commonalities. What has been interesting to I do actually like to read about demographics. And what I had read by the psychologists who you know, really knows his stuff, is that Generation Z is has the most in common with the the the great general the greatest generation, like which I think yours and my mom and dad are like of that of that generation, Like they're the ones that fought World War two, Korea, et cetera. Like they they they served, you know, when when they were needed, they served with you know, and and proudly. And so I keep wondering what it is that like Generation Z is going to be called to do, to step up and serve. I'm I'm I'm quite interested to see what they do. And I like that that they harkened back to that greatest generation. And according to like this you know psychologist, that there's cycles like so there there's patterns like so you know, so other generations like are similar to the ones that are fifty years before.
By the way, I've got to get into what your dad might have told you about UFOs who worked in that area.
Didn't he Yes, he did?
He told you something, didn't he?
Yes? He did? Should we go for it?
Now, let's wait a little bit.
Okay, it's fun.
Tell me this though, were you surprised or shocked with what he told you?
I was? I was. I was surprised and shocked because my dad was a marine, and so you know, he was very disciplined and very sober and not given to a lot of you know, chit chat or gossip or anything, just the facts, and so I was pretty floored with what he told me.
Okay, I can't wait to get into that. Do you talk about gratitude is more than just saying gracious thanksgiving? I agree with that.
It sure is. I mean it has to be. It should be, you know, not just one day a year, but like three sixty five twenty four to seven in my opinion. And it's easy to practice gratitude. I mean I do something every morning. I set my morning intention. Sometimes it's when I'm still laying down in bed, and like I wake up and I feel grateful to be alive and grateful for another day and another opportunity to experience, and and then I will sort of go into like what's going to happen in that day. If I have a lot of meetings, like I will say, well, I intend that those meetings go well. I intend that like this meeting with this author is you know, really inspired, and that I'm inspired and they're inspired.
And like, for.
Example, I knew I was going to be like on Coast to coast with you, George, and so I set my intention that we were going to have fun. There was going to be some enlightened moments, and that like the listeners were, you know, getting a lot out of it. And I hope and intend all that is true.
It'll happen, to be sure, tell me one of the most thankful things that has ever happened to you.
Well this this is a tough one, but like that, it's an important one. So right before the pandemic, my partner passed away very suddenly. He had cancer, but we thought he had years to live, and then he had a surgery to deal with it, and there was an error that was made in the surgery and so he passed away. So it was a sudden death that was very very very shocking, and it was right before the pandemic. So then when Shelter and Place happened, I was literally all alone. But I just I kept being I you know, I had my morning intentions that I told you about, and I just kept hanging on to the gratitude of the love that we shared and that there was something, you know, that the future was still going to be positive for me. And then and then I you know, endeavored to handle my grief and as evolved away as I could and heal and deal. It was very, very tough, especially since it was shelter in place and I was alone, but I just kept hanging on to gratitude and the belief that good things would happen. So then I started doing grief counseling after I was like a couple of years into it, because I did, you know, sort of evolve a couple of practices for me that I thought would help other people. And so during my grief counseling, I met a man that I was very very much able to help him. He had lost his wife again very suddenly, and we formed a relationship and within six months we fell madly in love and we're now married. And I am sure that it was because, like I am, you know, took my because I stayed open to the possibility. I stayed as grateful as I was able to during that process, and then I was willing to give so my you know, my intention with the grief counseling was to offer kindness and soul and you know, healing for those who were going through what I went through.
What a great story. How much of this, Brenda is God's hand?
Well, I definitely think, I mean, I actually even feel like there were angels like out there swirling around helping us, like maybe my partner and my husband's wife Mary. So I think there might be a whole crew out there that we're helping us, because it definitely felt like there was something magical happening and something sort of like like a heavenly benevolence was there for us.
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