The one-and-only Katya Zamolodchikova graces the pod with her presense to share a slew of messy stories, mostly involving butt plugs. Plus, Brandon and Katya play Fuck, Marry, Block with household appliances, anal danger and lube.
Find Katya @katya_zamo Follow Brandon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandonkylegoodman
Join the C'Heauxmunity at https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/
Submit your own messy story or question at TellMeSomethingMessy@gmail.com or call (669) 696-3779
I also got into the habit of wearing butt plugs at the gym.
Tell me about that.
And I also work out with butt plugs in quite a bit because like, tell me tell me everything. Well, it's just it. First it feels good, yes, and the second is like my little secret. Yes, you gotta have a nice, strong pannyon because sometimes.
You know what we do here destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now, let me tell you something messy. I just feel like it's important to say shout out to the uncircumcised dicks. I know, because I'd be hearing, I'd be listening that. You know, y'all get a lot of fleck for the extra skin. But the extra skin it's fabulous. It's like having extra fries at the bottom of your bag. That's to me, is the same as having extra skin over the dick. Now, I don't have it personally, but I love when I undip a pants and an uncircumcised dick pops out. It's so much fun. It's cute. And I don't mean that in a patronizing way. I mean that in like a sexy it's cute. And if you didn't know this, you don't need lube. When they got that extra skin. You just be using the skin, which is everything. Save you some some money, some coin, you know, the dollar tree, dollar store mentality. You know what I'm saying, I love an uncircumcised stick. Why what are the reasons I love it? One because I can jernk you off under the table without lub. I can jernk you off from the movie theater without loub. I also love the little turtleneck aspect of it reminds me of a turtle, which turtles are very cute. And there they're wives, they live for a long time, and it also just feels like it's kind of like a diva waiting behind a curtain for her audience to be seated on their knees before she pops out. Do you know what I'm saying. There's there's a there's like an immediate gratification. It's like, come out, come out, little buddy, let's play, Come here, Come here. I love it. I can't get enough of that extra for a skin. Sometimes it's salty, that's a vibe. Now, what I will say, because I did learn about this from one of my besties, is make sure y'all clean the skin, because you don't want, well you, I guess it's a kink smegma, which is kind of like what they call dick cheese. Apparently that's a I don't really want your dick cheese, but dick cheese, Dick cheese, dick cheese. If you like dick cheese, then you know, uncircumcised dick is really your vibe. But that's not my vibe. I just like the uncircumcised dick, nice and clean, nice and washed, you know what I'm saying. And then you get all the way down my throat like grapes, you know when you do the Anyways, Okay, that's all. By the way, welcome to the show. This is telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon Kyle Goodman. Some people call me a messy mother, but you can call me extra skin connoisseur somalier. Yeah, let's go with that. Let's go with that, all right, baby, you know what that means. It is time for I guess now, while they get situated, we are going to get our messy key key started with a Hoe manifesto, So repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex is not just about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay, for it is better for me to masturbate by myself in peace than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the community say holujah. I am so excited to have Katya on the show. Katya achieved notoriety after placing fifth on the seventh season of the reality competition show RuPaul's Drag Race, Ever Heard Of It and runner up on the second season of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars. Katya frequently collaborates with Drag Race alumna Trixy Mattel, and the two start in the acclaimed web series. The first time I saw that was during a hookup. It was wonderful. Really, We finished choking up and he was like, do you want to watch something? And I was like great, I was like this is We watch a couple of episodes. It was everything. Anyways, it's now in its aphe season as well as Netflix is I like to watch series on YouTube, but also host of the award winning podcast The Bald and the Beautiful on Studio seventy one. They published their first book, Tricksy and Katia's Guide to Modern Womanhood, which made its debut on the New York Times Bestseller List in twenty twenty, and they released a follow up, Working Girls, in twenty twenty two. She's also the host of The Grinder podcast Who's the Asshole? And You Got a Whole bunch of other credits.
And Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model three years in a row every month.
Cut to the clip.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah it's not it's out of print now, so we can't really find it.
But you know, you find any Everyone knows. Everyone knows Katia. How you doing. How's your heart today?
I'm I'm good.
I am.
I had some great restless sleep. I remade my bed so the this is a new thing. The sheets, the comforter, the pillowcases, everything's white. Never done that like a like a hotel, like a hotel, except there's no bed frames. So it's like a motelt you got, it's like a flop house.
Now why the white, I don't know. That's just we're just.
Like, oh, I just I have like Dubet covers. Huh, but I just figured I just want to try something bright and new.
I love that. What was it before?
It was like, uh, dark green, black, dark blue.
The black comforters and the black sheets always make me nervous whenever I see them.
Yeah, what's that? There's satanism?
Like yeah, I feel like there's like some light witchery happening, which witchery is great, but like, but if I see like the black I'm like what or I feel like maybe I'm like, what do you hide it? You?
Totally? I mean not much with the white sheets.
Yeah, white sheets, you know, had nothing maybe except for the gis is the same color.
See that's the problem with the black sheets. Yes, they get you because they get painted. It's a Jackson Pollock painting like and it's with the white sheets. Though I slept there, you know, I had a wonderful, like eight hours sleep last night.
I don't know how ours Bragg, I don't know how.
The sheets are disgusting already one night.
After the white sheets. That's why in the hotels they gotta change them every night.
Yeah, they pulverize them. It's like like our special laundry place.
I always have to have mine replaced while I'm there because something happens, you know, you invite somebody over and lun Mostly it's blood. I've had this thing, Okay, so I might have to go to the doctor because I thought it was fine. But it's like after it's usually after getting sucked for a while. Oh my god, we're gonna talk about after a while then like there will be some like bleeding, but that's normal, right.
Well, I mean it depends, there's after. If you're getting sucked for a while, that's off tissue sensitive, right. I have a lot of friends who do professional porn, and they often say, you know, what you don't see in the in the in the videos that come out is that you bleed. There's simpating. I actually saw some anal video where there's a little bleeding, like they kept they.
Must be a kink though too, I mean not for me.
Yeah, you know, you just gotta be careful, yeah, because you don't wait. What you don't want to do is perforate that colon right for the fissure.
Right, it doesn't hurt. So I feel like I'm fine, but I just go okay, like now there's blood stuff.
I mean, think about this when I floss my gums bleed bear yeah, okay, a lot, yeah, oh too much?
There is I forget what it's called the brain, but I get it's like there are breath or something. But it's good for the bleeding.
I got three different ones at all.
That's right, girl up? Okay, wait, before are we going further? Let's let me give you these messy mandates, so things get to be on processed. Any thoughts or opinions shared have the right to evolve, shift, or change today tomorrow, ten years from now. And if during the kiki something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word foodsball, which gives us a chance to pause, readdress, and pivot accordingly. All right, you want to play a loue breaker. It's like an icebreaker, but we're okay, let's play fuck marry, block ready, cell phone, sex toys, air frier or another like food tech love Yeah yeah, okay, cell phone uh are you fucking marrying and blocking? Cell phone bocking?
The cell phone burn burn destroyed Okay, and then the air Frier is getting married, yes, and then what was the other one, the sex toys sex toys getting to oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, I like that. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna suck the air fryer.
I mean you good fire, be nice and warm. I think that I'm going to so. I think I'm gonna I'm gonna marry my cell phone.
You're gonna put the phone up yours.
Put that phone right at the ass. You marry my cel phone.
I'm really attached to Verizon premium retailer sponsor me.
Hey, Hoverizon, give me that money. I'm going to fuck my air fire because it really has been good to me. It's been good to me.
Danger. You were all about that, anal danger, anal danger.
Putting my dick right up that friar, you know, it just makes such good food for me. And I block. I'm gonna block my sex toys because I don't know, this is crazy. I don't usually use sex toys on my own, like I enjoy it with a partner. But I so the sex toys that I find the most pleasure out of are usually like my Dill dos But if I am cleaning myself out to use my Dill dough, I want to dick. Does that make sense? Yeah? I mean I have friends who like love their sex toys. And but I'm like if I if I spend the time.
And I'm gonna do and it's gonna be for for someone. He is like, I totally understand that sentiment. It's funny the story that you you know, you asked me to prepare a messy story. Mine has to do with sex stories. So I'm excited to tell it.
Oh, I'm excited.
I'm I totally get that sentiment. It's like, yeah, if you're gonna go through the trouble, Yeah, hello, ed Bob, Chris, who over here?
I do? Do you have a flashlight?
I do? And let let me tell you how man about that? I just threw that fucker away. I don't care for it.
I don't never either.
So it's the one that I have is shaped strange. It doesn't sit right on a like a stand, bizarrely designed like there's a slope on one of the ends, so it doesn't like you can't just set it down, it'll fall over.
And also, do you have like the suction because I think mine came with like a suction cup for the end that you put on the wall or you put on in your shower.
This is just a big it looks like a vase, like, oh see that lamp. Yes, it looks like that kind of got you the base of that lamp.
Yeah, and it's wide and then I feel like my hands can't grow. I don't know.
I don't like it because also I use a lot of lube because I am circumcised. That doctor was like, we're chopping all off and then it just gets it's a mess.
Yeah.
Plus I like the feeling of my hand on my day.
You know, I don't like holding that plastic and it's so weird. Anyways, you know what I do. You have to do My friend got me, uh and I still need to do it. Colonel Willie. It's like you can make your own dildo, which I still need. It's in my closet. But it's arts and crafts and I'm not grass. I want a crafty bitch.
I used to suck up Mega Fox Slut silicone torso. That was cunn hell.
Yeah, yeah, it's as so it's a torso.
It was to a woman. It was so no head, no arms, no legs, titties, titties, big ass pussy and.
Wow, so you can flip it over for the ass. Wow.
Let that bitch have it.
Yeah, what would you name her?
Jennifer?
Yeah, you're good. I love you.
Got thrown down the trash here.
It's a whole it's the whole thing. But Jennifer was good to you. Okay, fucking Mary Block silicon lube, water based lube, spit.
Okay, now we're speaking. Yeah, water lube can kiss the crack of my ass, unless unless we're using some silicone pieces.
Okay, got you with some toys.
A water based lube is good for the insertion of a butt plug, sure, yes, but not and it's sticky, it's doesn't and it dries out out. I don't like it. Silicon lube is my girl, that's my homie. But she's also my enemy and she's my well, it's not that she's just the hardwood floors that have claimed almost claimed many lives, including my five year old nephew. Because when you even if you a drop of silicon lube on a hardwood floor, good good luck.
Mary.
You better wear like those grippy socks that have like, you know, a little thing on the bottom, or like toe shoes in the house. Rock climbing.
We should do a reboot. What's that movie that with Elizabeth what's her name? Stripped? Was it stripped tease with the marbles, we should reboot it.
But with Loube that's my house every day. Yeah, and it's for real, Like I've I almost broke my wrist sliding on a path and it's not like a wet pad, like it's not a puddle. It's literally just like oh if you you know, fell down the fucking stairs and almost like to you know, catch myself, broke, almost broke my rest.
Silicon want to take you a while, girl.
But she's the only way to do it.
She's a little abusive.
I blame the little toxic the pope, yeah period for circumcising me personally circumficed. I wouldn't it would poke John fall the second and no, because I wouldn't need so much lub if I had that there.
Yeah, I know people like hate on the foreskin and I'm like, the foreskin is great. I don't have it, but it's great. It's pay you some money sometime.
It's it's a it's yeah, you don't. You don't need jurgons Loach and you don't need.
Silver dragons low shat. I use a veno sometimes in a pitch.
Oh yeah, absolutely. Alballeine Albaline Ira Albaline is a petroleum based makeup remover. That it's a wonderful lubricant.
Okay, work if you're in the shower, shame moisture the conditioner very good.
Also if oil cleansers to take up, makeoff can be can to take off makeup can be a very good substitute. Okay, how would I know? I used it yesterday forever, you know, you know, it's just it depends, just a fancy drink off.
Okay, And so I don't know what you said, but spit is gonna be no this broke back Mountain. Okay, I'm going to I'm blocking water based, I'm fed, I'm marrying silicone, and I will fuck the spit once in a while because it could be hot, like if you're in the alleyway and that's all you it can be like a it can be a moment.
And you've got sour jolly rangers in your mouth, very salivated.
It's like absolute absolutely. But people make a lot of they have a lot of.
But if you smug a weed, that's different, which I usually it's the worst.
I know, I know, Okay, but mary block, blindfold, paddle or whip, nipple clamps.
I'm not trying to do any of that. I'm not trying. I got I say go with God and do you and live your life to the fullest. You address yourself if you had to, if you had to do something a blindfold to sleep, a paddle, a paddle to to like tenderize me, and then yeah, the nipple clamps to yeah, a little a collar adornment, you know what I mean. I don't know work, lanyard.
Lanyard, lit lanyard.
I'm here for merch, but like from here to like, I don't funk with Listen, my nipples are not sensitive, and I don't funk with my nipples because there's nothing.
It's like with my elbows.
Mine are so sensitive. We talk about.
Lucky.
Yeah, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck the nipple clamp for sure. I'm gonna marry. I'm gonna marry the paddle and the whip.
Okay, ironically, power power.
I don't mind being spanked, and I'm going to I'm gonna block the blind fold. It's fine, but I like to see what's going on.
Yeah, but what if it's you got to sleep in and it's super sunny, and the curtains I'm sleeping, give me.
The blind But if i'm you know, yeah, you're right. Okay, it's a little.
It's a little fifty shades.
It's like, okay, girl, we could do something better, alright, last one, fuck Mary block ass eating, blowjobs, penetration, Mama.
Okay, I am marrying the ass eating. I'm blocking the blow job, and I'm.
Fucking I'm not a huge fan of blowjob.
I will suck a dick. I don't care to have my dick sucked, honestly. But but the ass eating is not negotia.
That has like how are we to get through if we don't do that?
But we gotta be careful because it's it's hard out there. There are dangers out in that for it. You know, we got giardia, we got I'm not trying to get any fucking debility, have bacterial infection.
I'm gonna watch that. I want to watch you watch that. Ass I don't know pristine, pristine.
I want to eat sushi off of it. I want to serve sushi off of it.
I wanted to invite my friends over and say, look at the sushi.
And I wanted to be laboratory sterile.
Yes, yeah, yes, yeah, gras anatomy on that absolutely want to anatomy ass.
I don't care to have my ass eat and I don't mind it.
I don't mind it.
But I'm but again, I am like I, you know, my neurosis just like am I porn star like pristine down there. It's a lot of stress, stress and then the blood drim. I'm just like, come.
On, I enjoy getting myself. I enjoy knowing what we call what I say is a pussy. Like when I'm pussy, I fucking love being pussy. I'd be like, oh, now you can fuck this, And you know it's not it's not like a what's the McDonald's shake the mcflurry Sometimes you get those flurry bits and that's not what we want. We don't want them, you know what I'm saying. But you're not saying like the you don't want them flurry bits. No, we want pussy. So I like to get my ship pussy. And when it's pussy, then you can eat it all night, you can fuck it. I'm good, but it has to be pussy otherwise, like, don't surprise me. To eat ass, like I don't, like, hey, can I know if I didn't prepare for it?
Oh no, no, no, no.
No no no no no.
It's like like, if you're going to go to the Oscars, you're getting you're getting the gown, you got the speech together, you got the hair and the Yes, you're not walking on the red carpet, like, no.
The cars are booked. Yeah, there's a whole organization prepared. Absolutely, I wouldn't have eaten that pizza last you know what I'm saying, Like there are things, there's preparations. Absolutely, don't just be surprised eating ass.
That's look back, Mountain tickle me so much because I was like, oh, really spontaneous anal sex in the mountains?
You know, I never saw it?
Well? And ill what they're They're in a tent camping, having showered a couple.
Of days, and they're eating beans my wrong.
Probably nary a douche, nary a cleanse. And basically what happens is he he fucking jumps on the guy spits in his hand and jams is sticking to his ass, And I'm like Mary in which Marvel universe is this taking place?
All right? So baby it's time for you to tell me something messy.
Okay, So I last, Let's see, it's been about a couple of years that I have enjoyed the addition of stainless steel jeweled butt plugs into my butthole. So I was gonna bring one, but I thought that was gonna be that's disgusting.
Never never, please next time.
There's like it's you know, it's a stainless steel kind of heavy plug about that big. They vary in size and it's there's like a the end of it is like an orange jewel or like, oh yes.
I got one of these pretty purple.
There's different sizes and there's different you know, some of them were quite heavy. One of them was about the size of this. Look this mic is that why? It was not like a cylinder. But it was tapered but not so much. And I had it in there. I was just like it was a ladies night. It was it was me time, was me myself, and I know, well I fell asleep, I fell asleep with that motherfucker up there. But but but you know, it was you know, the plug was out, it was out some at some point over the course of the evening, she went fully indoors and shut the door on the spiritual realm?
Did you wake up for it? So?
I woke up. I felt I was like, didn't have a lot to do that day. It was just kind of like, you know, taking my time. I was like, I kind of kind of take a weird shit. I felt like I was like kind of feel like, oh strange. I go into the bathroom and I'm.
Like, what the fuck?
I ship out the fucking thing and it scares the fuck because it because I'm like, this is a weird one.
Yeah, and it yes, yeah, like a bullet. I mean, it was like the toilet bowl. Oh.
The sound was terrifying because I still wasn't exactly sure what the hell it was. I was like, it just felt like I'm sorry, did you mention? Well that's what it was.
It's exactly what it was.
It was a metal bullet.
Shit.
It was more like a missile, like a scud missile came right on my ass and hit the porcelain ad like full force, and I was like I just got to really fucking rethink my life, you know what I mean. It was like it was so scary and so funny, and I'm i I'm glad that nothing, you know, bad, happened, because I have a lot of friends who have had very negative experiences with putting stuff up their ass, like stress balls, can't get it out. Oh my god, surgery.
You have to go out. You can go to the hospital, you.
Sure do and ask any eer a doctor. They'll tell you every single thing you see in this room has been Yes. I also got into the habit of wearing butt plugs at the gym. Tell me about this, and I also work out with butt plugs in quite a bit because.
Like, tell me everything.
Well, it's just it. First it feels good, yes, and then second is like my little secret, and then but third it's it's interesting because I do a lot of yoga shit and like core conditioning and like handstands. It's it helps to keep the pelvic floor engaged and it's and it provides like a little challenge to the center of gravity, like when we were floating up and down to handstands.
Yeah, how weaver.
You gotta have a nice strong panty on because sometimes well, well, I was went to my drag studio, my assistant was there. I wasn't paying attention. I had some boxer shorts on. You better believe that thing just fell out my ass, through my pant leg and onto the floor. And I was like, no, this is not the life that I deserve to be living, and this is not the thing that she deserves to see. But you know, water under the.
What's the moment after? So it comes out of your pants, it hits the floor.
I grab it. I grab it real quick, just to make sure. I don't want to. I don't know if it's pristine, so I'm not giving anybody the chance to like, I grab it. I go to the bathroom.
It's like, what was that.
Oh, I don't know, old girl.
Yeah, okay, well, thank you for that messy story.
I think I have another mind.
Oh my god, please go ahead.
Well I have an interesting one. I took in a vagrant back in Boston.
Oh okay, in between house human.
Yeah that's right. This motherfucker looked like Brad Pitt. He just showed up on my doorstep looking like Brad Pitt. No home. I was like, Oh, I can fix that, Come come on in, and I and I there was an unspoken agreement that there'd be a little bit of a quid pro quo arrangement like, you're gonna stay in my house, You're gonna give up the pussy maybe once maybe once, you know you're gonna say you're gonna stay three four times. This guy was interesting because he was the first person I met who was a shower and not a grower. Oh my god, blew my mind.
That means that, like, what you saw is what you got.
What you saw, what you see is what you get, and it ain't gonna change. I had never I never experienced that at all, me neither. I mean I saw it. I saw it flasted. I was like, oh, this is gonna be something because it was thick. It was like it was a nice flastied dick, you know. And I was like, she she's gone place.
Let's see, let's see what she.
Just got stiff. Wow, she just became rigid. No size, no length difference, no with it. It was just like just reach from ridgid.
Yeah.
I was floored, flabberg acid and flummoxed.
Now was it? Did you experience it?
I surely did.
The funk not okay, And so.
That was the first step in me want to, you know, kicking his ass to the curt You said, that's like.
I say, you're gonna have to come in with some better than that.
I mean, no, I mean you gotta, you gotta, we gotta make this work somehow, you know, we gotta put this two inch down to like to I've had a two.
Inch dog that like wrecked my whole pussy, like it, like I was to the point where I left discombobulated.
Was it a dagger dick?
What's a dagger dick?
Hard as hell? And pointing yes, yes.
Yes, wait, okay, okay, wait, hold on, hold on, hold dick of death. I've had a dagger dick and this was not that. Let's talk about aggerd real fast. I had a dagger dick and it was the most beautiful man, and I was like, you're so gorgeous. And then we fucked and it was just painful, and I'm I could take a pussy, but it just was like it wasn't feeling good.
It's you want to get prodded with a pencil.
Well that's and then I tried it again. I was like, oh, it's your dick.
Yeah, And so that's a dagger dick, hard as hell, usually thin. Yeah, it's like it's like jabs, but it's a jabber sucks. It doesn't feel Okay, it's not given.
It's not given because it's given.
It's giving trauma, trauma, it's giving horror movies.
How do you know? I wonder if you how people know they have a dagger dick.
Well, it's it's if I can if it's no bigger than this, and I can like easily if you can hide inside your fist, yeah, and then I can hang from the side of a cliff with just holding it.
And it's that you casible because what I.
My favorite kind of dick is let's say, where between six seven, eight nine inches it's just too much, but I like a seventy to eighty percent hard.
Oh, a little song, a little bit.
It's hard enough to get in and then it's then you o chill for a second. That's when I really get going. God, it's like, you know, it's because it's like spongy a little bit and you can kind of like it's flexible. It's not so I like a flexi.
But I also love to feel it get harder inside.
What about that Kyle lyric dick growing in my pussy? And I like that?
Okay, okay, shall we read some messy mail? Yes, write messy mail. This person said, I got spit roasted by a couple help them get engaged, and the wedding gift was my booty. My question, have you ever been a wedding gift?
I have been in the middle of I haven't been in the middle of a threesome, but two in a day, actually two in a day.
Yeah.
I was staying at this nude resort hotel in Fort Laudery and I ran into Terry Moglair okay literally the fashion designer, like bumped into him and then the Yeah, and I had a threesome with an older couple threesome with a younger couple, and it was kind I mean I was like the middle guests.
Yeah.
I don't know that if I was Eiffel towered properly or whatever, sure, but I was definitely the center of attention, which I appreciate.
Did you enjoy one more than the other, the older or the owner?
I loved both of them. Yeah, I was like Hannah Montana, best of both worlds. But it's essential to be the guest.
Oh, yes, not the host. I love being the guest. I don't like being the host. When I'm the.
Host, guest of honor you can leave.
I feel like as a host, I'm taking care of my partner and I'm taking care of two people in a way that I'm like.
And also like, why are you giving him so much attention? Motherfucker?
Yeah, you start, I start getting in my head about like, is my partner thinking that I'm giving the guests too much attention? And it just it doesn't It sucks to being the third is my absolute favorite. Also, my husband and I we just can't ever pick a third. We've just learned that we should keep it separate, so we do. But I've never been a wedding gift, although I would love to. I love the idea of somebody saying they're they're getting engaged in me offering my the pussy. Yeah, the pussy, the pussy. That's what I in the shower after doing anal prep and I accidentally shipped more and I couldn't control it. Is this normal? Yeah?
I mean it's the thing about douching is now, if you're getting fisted different, this is colonic irrigation we're talking about now. But when you're only doing anal and the dick isn't as big as a fucking fire hose or the like the Washington Monument, which is what I want. You really only want to clean out the rectal area, okay, you know, and that's that is a smaller area. And if you overstimulate or you go too far with the douching, then that triggers movement in the large intestine. And we won't want that unless you're fisting, because then you're fucking sneaking your arm all the way up to the fucking throat and you're playing puppet master.
Does it take you to douche? God?
You know, it's it depends on what my diet's been like. And I tend not to bottom because of the stress of it.
It's stressful.
I would say I need an hour, not I need it, because an hour a messy story. Yeah, motherfucker. I I did the douche. I was cooking up in drag, feeling real pussy. Yeah, like Wig Broad, like Thig Highs did the douche did the douche was gonna get fucked. I'm at my computer scrolling through my Craigslist ads. I fart, Mama, just douche water all over the fucking floor. And I was like I thought, I thought, not really like a puddle Calcutta. It was it was not It was gross, but you know, I was grateful that it didn't happen on the dick of the man somebody. Yes, so it can be tough, you know. It's like, that's why I do love sex in a shower sauna.
And yes, you can write to the cleanup. Absolutely. I will say that it takes me about an hour to do she I give myself that amount of time. But I also feel like you have to know about the fake clear. So it's like you douche and you're clear and you're like, well, I'm good, but that one is.
A fake, fake pretend.
That's the pretend. So I feel like this person got the clear and was like, oh I'm good. It's like no, baby, you gotta like walk around for a second.
You can't trust that.
You can't trust that.
She is an imposter. She is there to fuck.
You, should have sabotage you. She is she's jealous, she's like sokolo, she hates it. Yeah, she's about to attack you, baby.
But guess what though, you know, tell me things happen, they do. And as a top, if you meet a top who is so fucking horrified, and it makes you feel the shambious.
Never go back, never go back, never go back, go back, because shit happens. And if you don't get this pussy, you're gonna well, I don't get this anal pussy even you know that it comes with bussy. Yeah, all right. This one says I had an orgy and sobbed at the end because it was so beautiful and healing for me. Also hot as fuck.
My god.
Have you ever had a transformative sexual experience?
Ever?
A cry during sex?
Not during.
I have.
I have had many transcendental, transformative sexual experiences, none that I can recall that have inspired tears, but it's.
Made them so transcendent or transformative.
Just incredible connection. There was a I mean, I'm like, I don't. I'm the opposite. I'm like Amanda kiss and hug. I love intimacy, I love like touching, I love looking at I mean, I'm not like a fuck you know, I'm not. I'm not like the kind of stick I'm gonna stick my ass out the window and forty men in the line are gonna come just bang me up and on all that stuff. That's that's, you know. I'm like, I'm LORI ingle's wilder. I'm in my bonnet in my dress, and I'm ready to fall in love every time I have sex. Yeah, but yeah, there was just there's been many times where it just feels like, oh, it's just like perfect. You're on the same exact page and in the narrative, in the the the rhythm is so synced up. Yes, you know what I mean. Like, because I've had a lot of I've told a lot of guys before, I was like, if I come, it's a wrap. Yeah, I'm blowing on hot tea. I'm pointing at the door. I have a bonnet on, you know what I mean.
It's like ready, It's like the candles are lit, like get out.
The trap door has like opened and you are down in the alley. So, but you know, there's been a few times where it's like we are so fucking on the same page and it's like super intense, and usually sometimes it's just one time.
Yeah, you know, have you ever been able to repeat that experience with a partner.
Yes, a few times, but but it tends not to happen more than three times. Yeah.
Why what do you think the special numbers three?
I don't know, Actually, I think because I have a tendency to become I am hot and cold, and I kind of like I lose interest really quickly with people.
Is there a fear? So I was talking to my husband about something similar, which he was expressing that after a couple of times with a different partner, maybe it becomes too intimate, like it almost like it's like, oh now now we're like tipping into getting to know each other, and then there becomes like a fear of how intimate that is.
Yeah.
Also because people move at different speeds as well. Yeah, and the third time is a pivotal moment. I think for a lot of people, you know, you have a great if you have a great third sexual encounter that's significant and not just like like fucking, fucking fucking that way, then you know, if there's shit chat afterwards and stuff, that usually is a point I think where a lot of people start to entertain notions of like, well what is y? Yeah, what is this? And then if like that's not the vibe for the other person, that's tough.
Do you feel like there's a world in which you could continue like where it doesn't I guess I'm all, I guess I'm always curious about that, like why we always have to turn a sexual experience into a relationship and why can't it just be.
No, no, no. I mean I think it could be like there's an easy fix for that, you just go because I mean back in the day it was like a horrible procedure. But lobotomies these days are not that painful, and then you get to have the version that you want of them. Yeah, you know, called cap And I think there was something about, like, I agree to it can be too intense.
Yeah, it comes to intense, and then you feel like there are there are questions that you have to answer and people are like is this your person? And you're like it's just but.
You know what, Take it day by day, Yeah, take it day by day. I mean I I dated this guy who was like fifty, which is great because I'm forty two and I don't I had to end of the streak of dating like twenty five year old, and at first glance he was it was like so relieved because it's like, oh, he's got a job, he's got some money, he's mature. We have this crazy passionate, wonderful sex. We can have a conversation about things lo and behold. Fourth day, motherfucker turned like his true colors. They were totally insane, immature, fucking psycho. So I had to kill him.
It is it is shitty that people not shitty, but like you do get the best of people in those first couple interactions and.
Then yeah, on the first date, I give you my seven this.
We'll talk about, you know, we talk about Lauren Hill talks about that on the her unplugged album MTV, which you should really go back. That album is ahead of its time, but she talks about like why do we try to present on these dates? She was like I came up with my first day and I was like eating everything and he.
Was like, no makeup, acting, smell a little bad, come right from the gym shower.
I agree with it because it's like, this is what it like. If you show up early, that's that's the kiss the dead. If you're late, I'm always late. I'm always a little late, like five to ten. It's okay, okay, but I'll communicate to I have a friend who is I'm not gonna call you out, girl, but you know who you are who is always consistently fifteen to thirty minutes late.
It's not gonna work. Come on.
That to me is like a different like we could have made a different reservation. I could be a home. Still.
The thing is, if you on a first date, if you are thirty minutes late without like oh my god, I was on the subway and everybody died. Yeah because there was you know, whatever whatever, whatever, you know, Godzilla killing my whole family. But I still want to make it. So I'm gonna be thirty whatever, what.
A good person.
It's it's after twenty minutes. Yeah, you don't respect me. Yeah, you know you're not.
What if there's communication, and what if there's like texting this communication, there's like, hey, i'm running late, I'm looking for parking.
It better be a very fucking good excuse. And you better make you better pay for all the dinner and the drinks, and you better do something fun for me.
I usually will say I'll buy the first round or something.
In the dinner and the dessert. I mean, if you're thirty minutes later, if.
I'm thirty, it's like absolutely, I'll pick up the check.
Because think about it, you're sitting in a restaurant by yourselves. Yeah, people are talking everybody's like, oh my god, Jesus, people are talking about you because you got the two place settings absolutely and one's empty and you're like wow, and the waiters like, should I take it place?
This setting? Doesn't seem like he's gonna show up?
Huh? Was he?
Even as the wave sap? No, Yeah, I'm with you, I'm with you. I have to ask you the last two questions that we asked here, which is, have you ever had sex? And a vorda potty?
Oh my god, I mean who hasn't really?
And I was like, I have it.
I jerked off in one.
Oh, okay, by yourself with somebody else.
By myself. I'm not a monster. It's not that much.
It's so tiny. Was it at the beginning of the party or at the end, because you know the import bodies aren't pristine.
At the beginning, was at a construction site, okay, got it?
Hot.
I have a blue collar thing. I know, that's right, blue collar blue ball, So I love it.
My last question is what could you learn to love more about yourself?
My fucking stupid ass body. And because I I'm really hard on myself. It used to be very, very physically capable, very very strong and agile and like with my body when I was teaching yoga, and I'm I'm I'm super hard myself on not being able to do any of the that stuff anymore. But it's so I want to make a I need to make a conscious effort to just be where I am and that's okay.
Yeah, I mean yeah.
Also, you know, I one thing I think about all the time is like we're in a rock floating out of space. This this situation where this moment that we're in, uh is a it's a tiny little fraction of our lives, which are right, the tiniest infinitesimal speck of the what is going on were we don't if this doesn't mean ships, like we're not. We're a drop of a blip, a flick of a blip, of a whisper of nothing in terms of the whole, you know. So it's like, why am I worrying about these pants with this block, with this blouse, yes, and these socks with these loafers, Shut the funk up and go to the party.
Why am I worry about this butt plug? So it's coming, ships coming.
Everybody hates you now whatever, So your fire from your job perfect sex.
You're free, You're free, get out of here. Yes, thank you for being here.
It's my pleasure. Where is the check going to be mailed to me? Or do you have catwa.
Anyway? You have a ready to wait?
Can I say one last thing?
Please?
You can made the hairriest man, h zip timey to a slaughterhouse, drainage great and make sweet hate to my rear and mouth in that order at his leisure. That's beep beautiful.
Oh, Beef is a great show. I'm I'm rewatching.
I watched it three times over the last month. Every season.
She's so good. The whole cast is fu.
Incredible, slap the ship out of everything, so.
Good.
Thank you baby. Well, you know we are hose here, but hose with heart. So before we go, let me speak to yours. First of all, I'm just gonna like fangirl for a second. You know, I'm recording this uh, this Hose with Heart section maybe two weeks after talking to Katya, and I was re listening and I was like, oh my god, Brandon, you sound so nervous or something, And honestly it was I was because you know, I've been in Los Angeles for about nine years. Now I've been pursuing whatever this thing is, whatever this dream of mine that got planted when I was let's call it thirteen, I've been pursuing it for real professionally. I think my first paid gig was when I was twenty one, but I went to college for at eighteen. I was, you know, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, doing theater competitions and had all these big dreams and just wasn't sure how any of it would come into fruition. And doing this podcast and getting to talk to people who have inspired me from Afar, who have entertained me, who've made me laugh, made me think, made me you know, emotional, is just I'm always in awe of it. And so getting to sit across from Katya, who I think is just a superstar and just unbelievably talented, and getting to share space with her twice now, because if you listen to us on the Grinder podcast and then you can listen obviously listen to this one too. Has just been a reminder to keep going after your dreams, that no dream is too big, no dream is too great to achieve. So this has nothing to do with sex or sexuality, but just a reminder for you to whatever those dreams are, keep going after them. Your voice matters, you matter, What you are here to create matters, So keep going. I really, really, really am so interested and would be curious about your thoughts as well about what it means to lose interests quickly and why we do that. You know, I recognize that and myself, I recognize that in you know, people around me. I know, I mentioned my husband has talked about this. What Katya is saying, you know, I lose interests quickly. I'm so curious about that and how that might be a reflection of our defense mechanisms and what is intimacy in our world? And what does it mean to emotionally connect to somebody and to continue on a bridge to this next thing that I want to reflect on is, you know, are we allowed to have emotional connections in our relationships without it needing to result in we're getting married or we're dating? Now? Like, what are the I don't know if I want to say the rules, but like what are our what's our responsibility or what's our ability? Maybe that's what it is, what's our ability to connect with people sexually and emotionally without needing it to be even considered a friendship or considered let alone a boyfriend, a girlfriend, the friend, a spouse, but just two humans connecting because there is so much you know, I think about this one. You go on vacation sometimes you go on vacation. Have you ever had a vacation romance where you are with somebody for that time that you're away, or that evening or you know, walking the beach or whatever it is, and there's such a strong connection and then you go home and like you're not really able to connect in the same way, but that connection meant something and did something and created some or open something inside of you. And is it possible to do that in your own local community. I don't know. I don't have the answers, but I'm curious about it. I'm curious, you know, especially if we can't afford that lobotomy, you know, like, can we create these moments of connection and intimacy that don't have to have stakes to it, that don't have to result and well what are we but it can just kind of be. I don't have the answer, but it's something that I'm curious to explore. Anyways, this was such an incredible, awesome, awesome. I just feel so lucky to have had the experience to sit across from Katya and to be able to share it with you. I'm feeling all kinds of feelings also. I'm feeling these feelings just to maybe I don't want to say get sad for a second, but maybe that is what it is. You know. He's with my boyfriend and he was expressing some sadness and I was giving him, trying to like pep talk him, and he was like, just let me be sad. And I was like, you know what, that's tea, You're right, drag me. Let me let you be sad. That's okay. You know, sadness is not a bad emotion. So death has come knocking on the door in my life and in my community and to people who are close to me, and it always makes me re wakes me up, if you will, and just reminds me how precious life is, how precious and finite time is, and how important it is to tell people you love them, to not assume that people know, and they might know. You might say it all the time, but sometimes you got to say it again. I don't not sometimes all the time. Say it again, say it over and over again. I know I wrote this about this on my substack, but I'll say it here too. When the people we love are gone, the thing that we're gonna yearn to hear from them is I love you. The thing well yearned to say to them is I love you. So while we're here, while there is time, do not wait to say I love you to those that you love. Do not be precious about saying I love you. Do not ration your love, give it, Give it freely, give it, boldly, unapologetically. Somebody comes across your mind, text them, DM them, email them. I haven't talked to you in months, but you came across my mind and I want to let you know I love you. Nikki Giovanni and James Baldwin have this conversation that we'll put in the show notes too, and at the end of it, it's a two hour conversation which I highly recommend watching. But at the end of it, Nikki Giovanni says love is a tremendous responsibility, and James Baldwin responds, it's the only one to take. There isn't any other. And I couldn't agree more. I couldn't co sign any harder. So with that said, and as always, I love you. I love you very very very much. And I say that a lot on here, but I'm not afraid to say it even more. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing right now, just know that you are so deeply loved. I love you. You can find Katya on Instagram at Katya underscored Zamo z Amo. You can find me on Instagram at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find the podcast and tell me Something Messy. You can also find us on TikTok at Brandon k good Ooh girl, wait everywhere you can find my book, which is my heir you gotta be. You get it at our local black Oh woman own bookstore, REPS Club and if you use the code messy at checkout, you'll get fifteen percent off. That is reps dot Club messy at checkout. What else do I got to tell you?
Oh?
And I want to hear from you. Send your topic ideas, your story submissions, your foosball moments to tell me something Messy at gmail dot com or you can call in. We got a number. It is six sixt' nine sixty nine messy. That is six six nine six nine six three seven seventy nine For you hosts who can't smell okay, rate, review, and share this podcast with all of your hoe and aspiring hoe friends. All right, that's everything, So before we get out of here, ask about the politics of that dick, before you make it spit, before you beat the kitty. You got to eat the kitty before fucation or suckcation. Communication ed. You are so deeply loved. I love you, Alah. Thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly. Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. Tell Me Something MESSI is proud to be a part of the Outspoken Network from iHeart Podcasts, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.