I recently had an amazing hookup with someone from field. I also matched with their partner. The partner is stupid hot, and I would like to bone both of them. Do I do that? Do I mention it to either of them? Is there any obvious answer? And I'm brain dead, horny and can't think? Please help?

I recently had an amazing hookup with someone from field. I also matched with their partner. The partner is stupid hot, and I would like to bone both of them. Do I do that? Do I mention it to either of them? Is there any obvious answer? And I'm brain dead, horny and can't think? Please help?

What do you think I would say? Yeah, I want to bone your partner and you at the same time.

What do you think I would say? Yeah, I want to bone your partner and you at the same time.

Yeah, if you want to bone both of them, just say.

Yeah, if you want to bone both of them, just say.

Send them a train emoji. Don't know what?

Send them a train emoji. Don't know what?

You know what? This is a safe space to talk about relationships, love and sex. Now let me tell you something messy. Hello, Okay, so today I'm actually you know, there's not a mess where it's the show, so there's gonna be plenty of mess. But I want to actually talk to you about something that I've been trying to craft a little bit, you know, between Messy Monday's on Instagram, the sub stack, doing this podcast, you know, musings on a second book that I'm trying to propose and work on or working on my proposal for it. I've been like, what is the thread of all of this? And you know, it's not just sex. We talk about sex, but As you know, we've expanded the intro to talk about relationships, love and sex. It's not just being queer, it's not just any of those things. It's not even just being messy. The thread for me, I realize, has been curiosity. The thing that I am so passionate about and I think touches any kind of work that I do has been about curiosity. But I've been saying that it's not any kind of curiosity. It is disruptive curiosity, if you'll allow me to use the term right. Curiosity is the desire and the wanting to learn something new. I think disruptive curiosity, which you know, in kind of art or science or business, is described as you know, the question that kind of shifts the status quo. But when it comes to us as humans and what we've been doing on this show, you know, I consider it intentionally asking questions to interrupt the personal habits, generational cycles, and internal narratives that prevent us from living liberated lives. Yeah, honey, you know, I love a definition.

You know what? This is a safe space to talk about relationships, love and sex. Now let me tell you something messy. Hello, Okay, so today I'm actually you know, there's not a mess where it's the show, so there's gonna be plenty of mess. But I want to actually talk to you about something that I've been trying to craft a little bit, you know, between Messy Monday's on Instagram, the sub stack, doing this podcast, you know, musings on a second book that I'm trying to propose and work on or working on my proposal for it. I've been like, what is the thread of all of this? And you know, it's not just sex. We talk about sex, but As you know, we've expanded the intro to talk about relationships, love and sex. It's not just being queer, it's not just any of those things. It's not even just being messy. The thread for me, I realize, has been curiosity. The thing that I am so passionate about and I think touches any kind of work that I do has been about curiosity. But I've been saying that it's not any kind of curiosity. It is disruptive curiosity, if you'll allow me to use the term right. Curiosity is the desire and the wanting to learn something new. I think disruptive curiosity, which you know, in kind of art or science or business, is described as you know, the question that kind of shifts the status quo. But when it comes to us as humans and what we've been doing on this show, you know, I consider it intentionally asking questions to interrupt the personal habits, generational cycles, and internal narratives that prevent us from living liberated lives. Yeah, honey, you know, I love a definition.

You know.

You know.

We talk about butt plugs, we talk about anal bow tigs, we talk about eat and policy, we talk about all those things, but really, at the heart of any of those conversations that we're having, whether it's you know something about sex, or about family and estrangement and dating and marriage and non monogamy, it's about disruptive curiosity. I really think that that is the key to living a liberated life. We talk about radical honesty and the power vulnerability, and those things are important and beautiful. But you do not have the opportunity to exemplify by or experience radical honesty, or experience vulnerability if you're not first curious, if you're not first willing to ask really hard questions and questions that allow you to say the quiet things out loud. I really believe that a lot of us are in our own little corners thinking that we're the only ones experiencing certain things in this human life. But one of my favorite quotes that I learned from my Angelou, it's by the philosopher Terrence, and I'm sure you've heard me say it here or in my book. But I am a human being. Thus nothing human can be alien to me. We are all capable of understanding each other's experiences because we all want the same thing, to love, to be loved, to be seen, to be wanted, to be validated, to be accepted, to belong. All of us want that, no matter what we are pursuing, what traumas we've experienced, what trials and tribulations we've been up against. And I think that we are able to get to that with just sruptive curiosity, because you know, one are the things that you thought that you were supposed to do because of your gender, or because of your race, or because of your sexual orientation. You know, girls wear pink, boys shouldn't do ballet, A real man ver this a real woman, you know, like all this shit. I was like, I think that we've adopted blueprints that don't belong to us. And I know you've heard me say that, And I think the way to interrupt those blueprints and to start building your own blueprint, one that's actually tailored to your life is disruptive curiosity. As kids, we are allowed to ask questions and it's understood. But once you hit teenager like, asking questions isn't cool anymore, and sometimes low key it's inappropriate. Right. Our worth is tied to being right. Our power comes from being right, and we covet that power, even if it's a false power, and we want to be write about things. We want to know everything right. It's all about being all knowing, And I think there is such a power in not knowing. There's such a power in not having answers, in asking those questions and being like, I actually don't know and I need time to process. I think that curiosity isn't or disruptive. Curiosity isn't about, you know, perfect answers and perfect solutions. It's about radical processing, and it's about giving yourself the permission and the safety to radically process and discover new answers and for those answers to evolve. So that's what we do on this show, and that's what I'm doing in my life. That's what I'm committed to, and I hope that you get to experience here and hopefully you know, commit to in your own life. Which is disruptive curiosity, intentionally asking questions that interrupt the habits, the cycles, and the narratives preventing us from living liberated lives. You deserve to live a liberated life. Do you want to hear something nasty? Now? Now that I've given you, you know, the the beautiful super Soul Sunday version of this opening, I'll give you a messy story, like a messy situation, which is I was at the gym. A lot of my messy story, the thinker just happened at the gym, but I was there and I walked into the steam room and there was only one other guy there and he was laying down on a towel, you know, dick fully out, and I was like, wow, beautiful, that's all. And I sat down. I sat down, you know, across not not you know, curious about anything. And he sits up, and you know, you know now that I'm in the in the steam room with him. He sits up and he puts a towel across his lap, but his dick is still hanging out. And I'm doing my stretches, you know, I like to stretch in the steam room, you know, open these hips up, and the dick is beautiful and it's hanging out, and like again, I I don't need I don't need to play with anyone in this dum I'm happy being aware. So I was like, oh, look, you know, you covered yourself, but you didn't really cover yourself, so obviously you want that dick to be seen. And I see it and it's beautiful love. I was like, oh he's sexy. Let me tell you how quickly I got the ick that itck happens fast and maybe I'm crazy. You tell me if I'm a monster for this. But all of a sudden, homeboy starts singing. He just starts like me and him, I just start singing. I don't know what the fuck he was singing. But you might not know this about me. But like I, if you can't sing, well, oh lord, my body breaks out into hives. It's like talent shows, like I love drag Race, but whenever I watch like the talent show portion my husbands telling you this, I will have to leave the room sometimes because if it's not good, I get I get embarrassed. Listen. I don't know what it is, but like I feel my body like oh no, no, no, oh no, that joke wasn't funny. Oh no, that that they can't sing like and so like I bring out the high. So this this was happening. I was like stretching and he was like singing. I was like, oh my god. And then more people started coming to the steam room and he that didn't deter him from singing his song. And then he started asking if anyone in the in the room spoke Spanish, and somebody was like it was responding, but I think they responded to his friend, he was like, oh, okay, because I'm gonna sing, and I want to know tell me what word I'm not he' said pronunciating, which I don't think that's a word. I think he's enunciating. I'm pronouncing which anyways, and the guy was like, oh, no, I don't speak Spanish. He's like, oh, I thought you said you did. So he was about to just sing and then the final so he so the singing the uh wanting to to sing in Spanish and have other people in the steam room tell him what word he is not pronunciating, and then he got up and started coughing freely. He just started baby, I didn't care what that dick looked like no more. I was so turned off and I found myself in the ick and that that that's that's really. There's not much more to this story other than can y'all do me a favor when you're in the steam room, just shut the fuck up, sorry, respectfully, Just be in the same room and stretch if you want to, you know, toil your dick a little bit happily do that, you know, as long as everyone's cool with that toy your dick around. I I't give a fuck about that, you know. But but don't talk, don't have full conversations, and certainly don't sing. And certainly if you can't sing, because I understand you're like, I want to work my vote, my voice and and the throat and and and you know, the steam is good for the throat. But if you can't sing, I don't even want to hear you. If you can sing. One of our best friends, we've been streaming together. One of best friends is a singer. That's what she does. Uh And but she, I mean they that's what they do. She's she's she's like me, we're both she's anyways, they sing and so like. But if I'm telling you right now, if she starts singing the steam room, I would slaper. I would say, girl, shut the fuck up, what are you doing? You know what I'm saying. We're in the steam room. The only thing I want to hear is the steam. So don't sing in the steam room. Don't sing in a language that you don't speak in the steam room, and please don't cough in the steam room. So you know what I've discovered. Now, this may be messy. I farted in the steamer room and it was perfect because the scheme was so loud you couldn't hear it. And because it's steamy. It's like, you know, like when when something smells you like the match you throw in the toilet bowl. Because it's so steamy, you can't smelling either, So I don't even know if it's smelled. It was just and then like you couldn't hear it because there was steam, and it didn't smell because of the steam. So you can fight in the steam room if you want. But see, that's why y'all gotta wear flip flops because people are fighting in the steamer room. People let me me, so wear your flip flops. Not that it's it's not a wet fart. It's not like there's you know, like a ship coming out of the far. I wouldn't. That's not a fart, that's a shot. That's a shark, as we understand that. But I would just you know, to those of y'all who raw dog the steam room and the locker room floors, God bless you. You were really living on the edge. You're showing your privilege and now you don't have a lot of trauma. I see, I see, get your flip flops on love and that's all. And that's what I'll say on that. Okay, shall we start the show. I'm so sorry. By the way, welcome to the show. This is telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon Kyle good Man. Most people call me messy mother, but you could call me madre disort or not. Did I say it right to my people who speak Spanish, my messy patrons, my espaniol messi patrons, that I say it right, Madre de surdi nada. Okay, let's get the show started. Baby. You know what that means. It's time for a guest. Now, while they get situated, we'll get our messy key key started with a Hoe manifest sto repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl or fuck they for it is better to masturbabe by myself in peace than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the hommunity say ho heluja. I am so excited to have Trace Lissett on the show. Trace is an actress and producer known for her work in TV and film, most notably the Golden Globe winning series Transparent, which earned her an Ensemble Sagaward nomination, the feature film Hustlers, Venus as a Boy, and the critically acclaimed Monica Which Was So Fucking Good, which premiered at Venice Film Festival to an eleven minute Standing ovation and earned her an Independent Spirit Award nomination and a glad Media Award for Best Film. Y'all if you haven't seen Monica, please yourself a favorite. It's so good. Her TV credits include Law and Order, SVU PO'SE, Drunk History, Midnight Texas, David makes Man, Quantum Leap, and Blunt Talk. She recently received honors from HRC and Outfest a Dorian Award nomination. Has appeared in music videos from Maroon five, Share Tiana Taylor, and hosted the number one chart topping scripted podcast Harsh Reality. Y'all Please Help me. Welcome, Trace last, Welcome to the show. Hi, Trace, Hi, how are you? How are you get that we did? Not a little off camera royalty or off my realty. Anyways, before we get into this this messy, messy key key, let me give you our messy mandates, which are things get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared, have the right to evolve, shift or change tomorrow or sorry today tomorrow or ten years from now. And if during the kiki something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word foosball, which gives us a chance to pause and address accordingly. Sound good, sounds good, be beautiful. Shall we start with a lube breaker, A.

We talk about butt plugs, we talk about anal bow tigs, we talk about eat and policy, we talk about all those things, but really, at the heart of any of those conversations that we're having, whether it's you know something about sex, or about family and estrangement and dating and marriage and non monogamy, it's about disruptive curiosity. I really think that that is the key to living a liberated life. We talk about radical honesty and the power vulnerability, and those things are important and beautiful. But you do not have the opportunity to exemplify by or experience radical honesty, or experience vulnerability if you're not first curious, if you're not first willing to ask really hard questions and questions that allow you to say the quiet things out loud. I really believe that a lot of us are in our own little corners thinking that we're the only ones experiencing certain things in this human life. But one of my favorite quotes that I learned from my Angelou, it's by the philosopher Terrence, and I'm sure you've heard me say it here or in my book. But I am a human being. Thus nothing human can be alien to me. We are all capable of understanding each other's experiences because we all want the same thing, to love, to be loved, to be seen, to be wanted, to be validated, to be accepted, to belong. All of us want that, no matter what we are pursuing, what traumas we've experienced, what trials and tribulations we've been up against. And I think that we are able to get to that with just sruptive curiosity, because you know, one are the things that you thought that you were supposed to do because of your gender, or because of your race, or because of your sexual orientation. You know, girls wear pink, boys shouldn't do ballet, A real man ver this a real woman, you know, like all this shit. I was like, I think that we've adopted blueprints that don't belong to us. And I know you've heard me say that, And I think the way to interrupt those blueprints and to start building your own blueprint, one that's actually tailored to your life is disruptive curiosity. As kids, we are allowed to ask questions and it's understood. But once you hit teenager like, asking questions isn't cool anymore, and sometimes low key it's inappropriate. Right. Our worth is tied to being right. Our power comes from being right, and we covet that power, even if it's a false power, and we want to be write about things. We want to know everything right. It's all about being all knowing, And I think there is such a power in not knowing. There's such a power in not having answers, in asking those questions and being like, I actually don't know and I need time to process. I think that curiosity isn't or disruptive. Curiosity isn't about, you know, perfect answers and perfect solutions. It's about radical processing, and it's about giving yourself the permission and the safety to radically process and discover new answers and for those answers to evolve. So that's what we do on this show, and that's what I'm doing in my life. That's what I'm committed to, and I hope that you get to experience here and hopefully you know, commit to in your own life. Which is disruptive curiosity, intentionally asking questions that interrupt the habits, the cycles, and the narratives preventing us from living liberated lives. You deserve to live a liberated life. Do you want to hear something nasty? Now? Now that I've given you, you know, the the beautiful super Soul Sunday version of this opening, I'll give you a messy story, like a messy situation, which is I was at the gym. A lot of my messy story, the thinker just happened at the gym, but I was there and I walked into the steam room and there was only one other guy there and he was laying down on a towel, you know, dick fully out, and I was like, wow, beautiful, that's all. And I sat down. I sat down, you know, across not not you know, curious about anything. And he sits up, and you know, you know now that I'm in the in the steam room with him. He sits up and he puts a towel across his lap, but his dick is still hanging out. And I'm doing my stretches, you know, I like to stretch in the steam room, you know, open these hips up, and the dick is beautiful and it's hanging out, and like again, I I don't need I don't need to play with anyone in this dum I'm happy being aware. So I was like, oh, look, you know, you covered yourself, but you didn't really cover yourself, so obviously you want that dick to be seen. And I see it and it's beautiful love. I was like, oh he's sexy. Let me tell you how quickly I got the ick that itck happens fast and maybe I'm crazy. You tell me if I'm a monster for this. But all of a sudden, homeboy starts singing. He just starts like me and him, I just start singing. I don't know what the fuck he was singing. But you might not know this about me. But like I, if you can't sing, well, oh lord, my body breaks out into hives. It's like talent shows, like I love drag Race, but whenever I watch like the talent show portion my husbands telling you this, I will have to leave the room sometimes because if it's not good, I get I get embarrassed. Listen. I don't know what it is, but like I feel my body like oh no, no, no, oh no, that joke wasn't funny. Oh no, that that they can't sing like and so like I bring out the high. So this this was happening. I was like stretching and he was like singing. I was like, oh my god. And then more people started coming to the steam room and he that didn't deter him from singing his song. And then he started asking if anyone in the in the room spoke Spanish, and somebody was like it was responding, but I think they responded to his friend, he was like, oh, okay, because I'm gonna sing, and I want to know tell me what word I'm not he' said pronunciating, which I don't think that's a word. I think he's enunciating. I'm pronouncing which anyways, and the guy was like, oh, no, I don't speak Spanish. He's like, oh, I thought you said you did. So he was about to just sing and then the final so he so the singing the uh wanting to to sing in Spanish and have other people in the steam room tell him what word he is not pronunciating, and then he got up and started coughing freely. He just started baby, I didn't care what that dick looked like no more. I was so turned off and I found myself in the ick and that that that's that's really. There's not much more to this story other than can y'all do me a favor when you're in the steam room, just shut the fuck up, sorry, respectfully, Just be in the same room and stretch if you want to, you know, toil your dick a little bit happily do that, you know, as long as everyone's cool with that toy your dick around. I I't give a fuck about that, you know. But but don't talk, don't have full conversations, and certainly don't sing. And certainly if you can't sing, because I understand you're like, I want to work my vote, my voice and and the throat and and and you know, the steam is good for the throat. But if you can't sing, I don't even want to hear you. If you can sing. One of our best friends, we've been streaming together. One of best friends is a singer. That's what she does. Uh And but she, I mean they that's what they do. She's she's she's like me, we're both she's anyways, they sing and so like. But if I'm telling you right now, if she starts singing the steam room, I would slaper. I would say, girl, shut the fuck up, what are you doing? You know what I'm saying. We're in the steam room. The only thing I want to hear is the steam. So don't sing in the steam room. Don't sing in a language that you don't speak in the steam room, and please don't cough in the steam room. So you know what I've discovered. Now, this may be messy. I farted in the steamer room and it was perfect because the scheme was so loud you couldn't hear it. And because it's steamy. It's like, you know, like when when something smells you like the match you throw in the toilet bowl. Because it's so steamy, you can't smelling either, So I don't even know if it's smelled. It was just and then like you couldn't hear it because there was steam, and it didn't smell because of the steam. So you can fight in the steam room if you want. But see, that's why y'all gotta wear flip flops because people are fighting in the steamer room. People let me me, so wear your flip flops. Not that it's it's not a wet fart. It's not like there's you know, like a ship coming out of the far. I wouldn't. That's not a fart, that's a shot. That's a shark, as we understand that. But I would just you know, to those of y'all who raw dog the steam room and the locker room floors, God bless you. You were really living on the edge. You're showing your privilege and now you don't have a lot of trauma. I see, I see, get your flip flops on love and that's all. And that's what I'll say on that. Okay, shall we start the show. I'm so sorry. By the way, welcome to the show. This is telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon Kyle good Man. Most people call me messy mother, but you could call me madre disort or not. Did I say it right to my people who speak Spanish, my messy patrons, my espaniol messi patrons, that I say it right, Madre de surdi nada. Okay, let's get the show started. Baby. You know what that means. It's time for a guest. Now, while they get situated, we'll get our messy key key started with a Hoe manifest sto repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl or fuck they for it is better to masturbabe by myself in peace than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the hommunity say ho heluja. I am so excited to have Trace Lissett on the show. Trace is an actress and producer known for her work in TV and film, most notably the Golden Globe winning series Transparent, which earned her an Ensemble Sagaward nomination, the feature film Hustlers, Venus as a Boy, and the critically acclaimed Monica Which Was So Fucking Good, which premiered at Venice Film Festival to an eleven minute Standing ovation and earned her an Independent Spirit Award nomination and a glad Media Award for Best Film. Y'all if you haven't seen Monica, please yourself a favorite. It's so good. Her TV credits include Law and Order, SVU PO'SE, Drunk History, Midnight Texas, David makes Man, Quantum Leap, and Blunt Talk. She recently received honors from HRC and Outfest a Dorian Award nomination. Has appeared in music videos from Maroon five, Share Tiana Taylor, and hosted the number one chart topping scripted podcast Harsh Reality. Y'all Please Help me. Welcome, Trace last, Welcome to the show. Hi, Trace, Hi, how are you? How are you get that we did? Not a little off camera royalty or off my realty. Anyways, before we get into this this messy, messy key key, let me give you our messy mandates, which are things get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared, have the right to evolve, shift or change tomorrow or sorry today tomorrow or ten years from now. And if during the kiki something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word foosball, which gives us a chance to pause and address accordingly. Sound good, sounds good, be beautiful. Shall we start with a lube breaker, A.

Loub break down.

Loub break down.

Okay, a lube breaker, Yes, I have to. I have to hit the B because people think I say lude breaker, but I'm saying lube because we need our lube hunting. All right. This is a game of real or faking. So I'm gonna tell you something, and you're going to tell me if you think it's real or if it's fake.

Okay, a lube breaker, Yes, I have to. I have to hit the B because people think I say lude breaker, but I'm saying lube because we need our lube hunting. All right. This is a game of real or faking. So I'm gonna tell you something, and you're going to tell me if you think it's real or if it's fake.

Sound good? Okay?

Sound good? Okay?

Okay, this one says real or faking. You can't get pregnant if you have sex at night because the sperm are sleeping.

Okay, this one says real or faking. You can't get pregnant if you have sex at night because the sperm are sleeping.

Oh god, that's not real.

Oh god, that's not real.

Yeah, that's not really, that's completely faking. But that was something that I saw people believed that they couldn't get pregnant. All right, real or faking sex increases your immunity to pain.

Yeah, that's not really, that's completely faking. But that was something that I saw people believed that they couldn't get pregnant. All right, real or faking sex increases your immunity to pain.

Well, sometimes sex is painful, So I'd have to say that's true.

Well, sometimes sex is painful, So I'd have to say that's true.

That's true. That's a really, that's a logical Yeah, it's real. Technically, yeah, it's real. Aside from the obvious physical pleasure, sex can actually be an aid in pain relief during states of arousal and orgasm. The oh lord, this were hypotholamists in the brain. Not a science show, but here we are releases the feel good hormone oxytocin. Researchers at Rutgers University in New Jersey found this surge of oxytocin can reduce pain felt in women, especially during menstruation. A further study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine found that oxytocin in men can cut the perception of pain in half. So that is really all right, work. I wonder like if you're if you are feeling pain, like if you just got back from a little something something and you feel pain from the little doctor. If you will, if you touch yourself a little bit, if that is better than advil. I don't know. I don't really want to try, but somebody tell us.

That's true. That's a really, that's a logical Yeah, it's real. Technically, yeah, it's real. Aside from the obvious physical pleasure, sex can actually be an aid in pain relief during states of arousal and orgasm. The oh lord, this were hypotholamists in the brain. Not a science show, but here we are releases the feel good hormone oxytocin. Researchers at Rutgers University in New Jersey found this surge of oxytocin can reduce pain felt in women, especially during menstruation. A further study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine found that oxytocin in men can cut the perception of pain in half. So that is really all right, work. I wonder like if you're if you are feeling pain, like if you just got back from a little something something and you feel pain from the little doctor. If you will, if you touch yourself a little bit, if that is better than advil. I don't know. I don't really want to try, but somebody tell us.

I've tried masturbating when I have a migraine.

I've tried masturbating when I have a migraine.

Does it help?

Does it help?

Sometimes it'll take my mind off of it, Like it'll just.

Sometimes it'll take my mind off of it, Like it'll just.

You know, but it'll distract a little bit.

You know, but it'll distract a little bit.

Yeah, but if the migrant's too bad, I have to.

Yeah, but if the migrant's too bad, I have to.

It won't cure it, That's what I'm saying. I feel like I'd be too distracted by the pain to even attempt to do something exactly.

It won't cure it, That's what I'm saying. I feel like I'd be too distracted by the pain to even attempt to do something exactly.

Ever masturbated when you have like the flu or something.

Ever masturbated when you have like the flu or something.

Wow. I love this question, and I want to think about it. I love that question. Sometimes I really think about it.

Wow. I love this question, and I want to think about it. I love that question. Sometimes I really think about it.

Sex Like I'll have fantasies when I'm sick in bed and it takes my mind off of the pain of the sickness.

Sex Like I'll have fantasies when I'm sick in bed and it takes my mind off of the pain of the sickness.

Wait, I love that. I guess I feel so snotty and nasty that I like, don't think about it.

Wait, I love that. I guess I feel so snotty and nasty that I like, don't think about it.

Oh, I'm like, I close my eyes and just like.

Oh, I'm like, I close my eyes and just like.

Yeah, you close your eyes and you're in your fantasy. You're in a divine fantasy. Yes, I might try that. No, I haven't. When I've had the flu, I have not masturbated, But next time I will. Okay, I'm a report back. I'm a report bad. You know you can get an update. We'll follow up. Uh. This one says vibrators were first developed as a medical device. Real or faking.

Yeah, you close your eyes and you're in your fantasy. You're in a divine fantasy. Yes, I might try that. No, I haven't. When I've had the flu, I have not masturbated, But next time I will. Okay, I'm a report back. I'm a report bad. You know you can get an update. We'll follow up. Uh. This one says vibrators were first developed as a medical device. Real or faking.

That might be real. I think that's real.

That might be real. I think that's real.

Trace you are getting it, mama. It is real. It is real. The vibrator was invented in eighteen sixty nine as a treatment for huhsteria quote unquote or mysterious Yeah, the hornyl Yeah.

Trace you are getting it, mama. It is real. It is real. The vibrator was invented in eighteen sixty nine as a treatment for huhsteria quote unquote or mysterious Yeah, the hornyl Yeah.

They didn't know. They didn't want us to be horny. They didn't want they didn't want women to be horny. That's so crazy.

They didn't know. They didn't want us to be horny. They didn't want they didn't want women to be horny. That's so crazy.

They did it, and so they said, let's fix it, and they fixed it by giving y'all something that would bring pleasure. So work anyways, when a woman so sorry. It was invented in eighteen sixty nine as a treatment for hysteria or mysterious quote unquote female disorders. Whenever a woman reported being mentally or emotionally upset, it was considered an illness, and the cure was using a large steam powered massage O Jesus to massage the genitals with the goal of inducing quote unquote historical paroxism, which is the Victorian term for orgasm.

They did it, and so they said, let's fix it, and they fixed it by giving y'all something that would bring pleasure. So work anyways, when a woman so sorry. It was invented in eighteen sixty nine as a treatment for hysteria or mysterious quote unquote female disorders. Whenever a woman reported being mentally or emotionally upset, it was considered an illness, and the cure was using a large steam powered massage O Jesus to massage the genitals with the goal of inducing quote unquote historical paroxism, which is the Victorian term for orgasm.

Not the steam, not the steam.

Not the steam, not the steam.

The steam.

The steam.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

Steam powered massage. I don't even know that looks or mean like an.

Steam powered massage. I don't even know that looks or mean like an.

Iron steam rod. That sounds painful.

Iron steam rod. That sounds painful.

That sounds painful. Yeah, that's not cute. But but I guess that was the first vibrater, and I guess we learned that vibrators were actually quite useful for the orgasm, but not a steam. I wouldn't look have to look up a steam powered massage. I wonder. I'm assuming that means that there's a steam coming to you right like that, it's perhaps a massage, or in my mind, it's like a.

That sounds painful. Yeah, that's not cute. But but I guess that was the first vibrater, and I guess we learned that vibrators were actually quite useful for the orgasm, but not a steam. I wouldn't look have to look up a steam powered massage. I wonder. I'm assuming that means that there's a steam coming to you right like that, it's perhaps a massage, or in my mind, it's like a.

Maybe for the lubrication or something.

Maybe for the lubrication or something.

Yeah, the head vava lubrication, Yes, a little lubrication, little mist perhaps, I just like good old faithful, good old faithful fingers. Yeah, yeah, I'm the same way. I don't. It goes with you wherever you wherever you go. You can always have that vibe in your pocket them fingers. Oh wait, Vincent just sent me a photo of the steamer. It does not look sexy at all. I don't know if you can see this trace.

Yeah, the head vava lubrication, Yes, a little lubrication, little mist perhaps, I just like good old faithful, good old faithful fingers. Yeah, yeah, I'm the same way. I don't. It goes with you wherever you wherever you go. You can always have that vibe in your pocket them fingers. Oh wait, Vincent just sent me a photo of the steamer. It does not look sexy at all. I don't know if you can see this trace.

Oh, it looks like a mouse trap.

Oh, it looks like a mouse trap.

Can you see that it does?

Can you see that it does?

Oh?

Oh?

Yeah, it looks like Yeah, it looks like a mouse trap with like a kettle. Oh, like I feel like that is that the steam like it's like at on top of a mouse trap with Uh that looks like a little dick.

Yeah, it looks like Yeah, it looks like a mouse trap with like a kettle. Oh, like I feel like that is that the steam like it's like at on top of a mouse trap with Uh that looks like a little dick.

No, it looks dangerous.

No, it looks dangerous.

Not, it does look dangerous, But I do think that there's no steam coming onto the body. I think it's just maybe motorizing like a fuck machine. Oh, I wonder if this this is like an old school fuck machine. Oh wow, okay, perfect, So it is. It's a it's like a it's a steam powered fuck machine, all right.

Not, it does look dangerous, But I do think that there's no steam coming onto the body. I think it's just maybe motorizing like a fuck machine. Oh, I wonder if this this is like an old school fuck machine. Oh wow, okay, perfect, So it is. It's a it's like a it's a steam powered fuck machine, all right.

Like one of those dildos that go like that.

Like one of those dildos that go like that.

Yeah, they just keep going that move. You turn it on and you can just like let the fuck you like that.

Yeah, they just keep going that move. You turn it on and you can just like let the fuck you like that.

You've never done one of those?

You've never done one of those?

Ye, I've never done, but I do desire one. I just here's the I would love to buy a fuck machine. Every time I see a porn with it, I'm like, that looks fabulous. I just don't know where I would put it. I feel like I would need to have a sex room because those things take up space and I'm I'm a very Marie Condo kind of doll. I like, I like things to have their place, and I don't have a place quite yet for a fuck machine to just chill me neither, you know, like I can't mass tuit cases in the bathroom. It's like I don't have a spot.

Ye, I've never done, but I do desire one. I just here's the I would love to buy a fuck machine. Every time I see a porn with it, I'm like, that looks fabulous. I just don't know where I would put it. I feel like I would need to have a sex room because those things take up space and I'm I'm a very Marie Condo kind of doll. I like, I like things to have their place, and I don't have a place quite yet for a fuck machine to just chill me neither, you know, like I can't mass tuit cases in the bathroom. It's like I don't have a spot.

You know, you have made it and you don't have a machine room.

You know, you have made it and you don't have a machine room.

That is. Listen when I come to Tracey's house and I find a funk machine, like, she's made it.

That is. Listen when I come to Tracey's house and I find a funk machine, like, she's made it.

We've made it, We've got something to strive for.

We've made it, We've got something to strive for.

Oh she made it. Yeah. This says people who have less sex overcompensate in their in their jobs.

Oh she made it. Yeah. This says people who have less sex overcompensate in their in their jobs.

Yeah. I think they. I think they do, because there are those really anal ones that you're like, oh my gosh, she used to get laid, Like who can throw a valume in her mouth?

Yeah. I think they. I think they do, because there are those really anal ones that you're like, oh my gosh, she used to get laid, Like who can throw a valume in her mouth?

Like yeah, yeah, chill out. Yes, yes, yes, that is very true. The people who have less sex do overcompensate in their jobs, and I am probably one of those people. Ironically, researchers found that people within an active sex life tend to do more work to comp but say for their lack of quote unquote fulfillment. The study asked thirty two thousand people to open up about their sex life and work habits. The result found that thirty six percent of men and thirty five percent of women who only had sex once a week would also work excessive hours at their jobs. The more work you have, the more stress you have, and the more stress you have, the less sex you have. First of all, if you're having sex once a week, I actually think you're doing great. I don't know.

Like yeah, yeah, chill out. Yes, yes, yes, that is very true. The people who have less sex do overcompensate in their jobs, and I am probably one of those people. Ironically, researchers found that people within an active sex life tend to do more work to comp but say for their lack of quote unquote fulfillment. The study asked thirty two thousand people to open up about their sex life and work habits. The result found that thirty six percent of men and thirty five percent of women who only had sex once a week would also work excessive hours at their jobs. The more work you have, the more stress you have, and the more stress you have, the less sex you have. First of all, if you're having sex once a week, I actually think you're doing great. I don't know.

I mean, is that crazy going on? I don't want to say that's drought? Baby, It sounds I haven't.

I mean, is that crazy going on? I don't want to say that's drought? Baby, It sounds I haven't.

That sounds like are we fucked up?

That sounds like are we fucked up?

Because I can do what I need to do and I know I'm going to get one off at least once a week.

Because I can do what I need to do and I know I'm going to get one off at least once a week.

Yeah, I feel like once a week is plenty. Is that? Am? I? Are we bugging? Are we just workaholics?

Yeah, I feel like once a week is plenty. Is that? Am? I? Are we bugging? Are we just workaholics?

Release on? Yeah, a nice Sunday release and then you're good for the week.

Release on? Yeah, a nice Sunday release and then you're good for the week.

That's what I think. Like I always wait for the weekends, like I am. I'm actually not a weekday sex person. I don't like day I don't either.

That's what I think. Like I always wait for the weekends, like I am. I'm actually not a weekday sex person. I don't like day I don't either.

I don't either.

I don't either.

I just unless it's like a weekend day or a vacation. But I don't like daytime sex just to do I have things to do.

I just unless it's like a weekend day or a vacation. But I don't like daytime sex just to do I have things to do.

I can't.

I can't.

I have things to do.

I have things to do.

And I can't wind down and really no, I can't got calk three thousand When I'm thinking about the to do list.

And I can't wind down and really no, I can't got calk three thousand When I'm thinking about the to do list.

Cat cok three like I have to do, I have something to do. Yes, I'm with you. If I have things, if there are things on my to do list, I'm not doing you. You know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to get done yet. I need I need it to be well.

Cat cok three like I have to do, I have something to do. Yes, I'm with you. If I have things, if there are things on my to do list, I'm not doing you. You know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to get done yet. I need I need it to be well.

The worst is when like somebody hits you up on a whim and it'll be like, hey, hey, maybe it's just straight guys to do this. I don't know, but it's like, hey, I just left the gym. It'll be like eleven or ten thirty in the morning. They're like, what are you doing? Can I come by? Like what? Like I haven't even had my oat meal? Go away, you're not boyfriend.

The worst is when like somebody hits you up on a whim and it'll be like, hey, hey, maybe it's just straight guys to do this. I don't know, but it's like, hey, I just left the gym. It'll be like eleven or ten thirty in the morning. They're like, what are you doing? Can I come by? Like what? Like I haven't even had my oat meal? Go away, you're not boyfriend.

You are not boyfriend.

You are not boyfriend.

You don't get boyfriends sexy time if you're not going No.

You don't get boyfriends sexy time if you're not going No.

That is correct. Daytime sex is for the boyfriends, for the boyfriends, for the day friends. It is not for the random.

That is correct. Daytime sex is for the boyfriends, for the boyfriends, for the day friends. It is not for the random.

Like oh, I was running an err and I'm in your hood, Like get out because.

Like oh, I was running an err and I'm in your hood, Like get out because.

You know because I know that you're not gonna fuck me good. I just know you're here to it's gonna be way you want to blow a load, and I'm.

You know because I know that you're not gonna fuck me good. I just know you're here to it's gonna be way you want to blow a load, and I'm.

Not prepped in the way I want to be prepped like I do.

Not prepped in the way I want to be prepped like I do.

Absolutely, I need my weekend time for that, That's what I'm saying. So I need my Friday and my Saturday, even Sunday you can hit it, But Monday to Friday five pm, you're not hitting this. That's just and that's just me. I know other people are different, but that's me.

Absolutely, I need my weekend time for that, That's what I'm saying. So I need my Friday and my Saturday, even Sunday you can hit it, But Monday to Friday five pm, you're not hitting this. That's just and that's just me. I know other people are different, but that's me.

Monday day. Get out of here. Like that is not said. I don't know.

Monday day. Get out of here. Like that is not said. I don't know.

That's not sexy unless again, we're on vacation, then it's very sexy to be.

That's not sexy unless again, we're on vacation, then it's very sexy to be.

If we're on a vacation, we're in and Caicos, maybe come.

If we're on a vacation, we're in and Caicos, maybe come.

Boy, Yes, we can do whatever you want. We're in Cacos, especially if you love we can do whatever you want. Okay, this, where the where are they?

Boy, Yes, we can do whatever you want. We're in Cacos, especially if you love we can do whatever you want. Okay, this, where the where are they?

You don't even know? It's really dark.

You don't even know? It's really dark.

Tracy won the game? Ok yeah, perfectly, Yes, you really listen, you were actually you take it all of them correct. That's like that doesn't always happen here, but that works. That doesn't happen off to but you work, you win my unconditional love, which is very valuable, very valuable. You've already had it.

Tracy won the game? Ok yeah, perfectly, Yes, you really listen, you were actually you take it all of them correct. That's like that doesn't always happen here, but that works. That doesn't happen off to but you work, you win my unconditional love, which is very valuable, very valuable. You've already had it.

But listen season not like not like that, but like you know, not like that.

But listen season not like not like that, but like you know, not like that.

Yeah, yeah, like that. You know, we know some things. We know some things. Patrons, if you have prompts, you can email me tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, trace, can you tell me something messy?

Yeah, yeah, like that. You know, we know some things. We know some things. Patrons, if you have prompts, you can email me tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, trace, can you tell me something messy?

Messy? Okay, Well, I was thinking about, you know, sex and nature. I was also thinking about movies that we were talking about movies and stuff that inspired us. And I think it was Jason's lyric when Jada and that man, that finance man roll around in the flowers. Do you remember that?

Messy? Okay, Well, I was thinking about, you know, sex and nature. I was also thinking about movies that we were talking about movies and stuff that inspired us. And I think it was Jason's lyric when Jada and that man, that finance man roll around in the flowers. Do you remember that?

Oh?

Oh?

Yes, and they like and there's like that all those nice booty shots they both yes, yes, yes, their booties are out and stuff, and I'm like, ooh, I would love to do that in real life and a movie. And then I was thinking about my escapades in nature had a couple and it's really there's this euphoric feeling. It's like tribal in a way m hm, because I think, well, obviously we're all connected to the earth and we used to live in smaller groups and when we were a hunter gatherers whatever, and would have sex out of nature all the time. And so I gave this dude head on the side of a mountain one time on the Wisdom Tree hike and it was like right by the American flag and there was like the Wisdom Tree. I don't know if anyone saw us. There was condos and ship like off in the distance. But it was really it was really hot but also beautiful. Yeah, you know, like you could die fall off the mountain.

Yes, and they like and there's like that all those nice booty shots they both yes, yes, yes, their booties are out and stuff, and I'm like, ooh, I would love to do that in real life and a movie. And then I was thinking about my escapades in nature had a couple and it's really there's this euphoric feeling. It's like tribal in a way m hm, because I think, well, obviously we're all connected to the earth and we used to live in smaller groups and when we were a hunter gatherers whatever, and would have sex out of nature all the time. And so I gave this dude head on the side of a mountain one time on the Wisdom Tree hike and it was like right by the American flag and there was like the Wisdom Tree. I don't know if anyone saw us. There was condos and ship like off in the distance. But it was really it was really hot but also beautiful. Yeah, you know, like you could die fall off the mountain.

Trait there was like it was really beautiful. You could die.

Trait there was like it was really beautiful. You could die.

Amount of risk, the perfect amount of risk. Someone could walk up and see going to town. Yeah, and like literally someone walked up. I kid you not thirty seconds after he popped and I was like, ooh a good thing. I go to work talk got it done in time. But yeah, but that was pretty cool.

Amount of risk, the perfect amount of risk. Someone could walk up and see going to town. Yeah, and like literally someone walked up. I kid you not thirty seconds after he popped and I was like, ooh a good thing. I go to work talk got it done in time. But yeah, but that was pretty cool.

How do we can I do? How does that happen?

How do we can I do? How does that happen?

Like?

Like?

Is it somebody that it's not? Let me ask, speaking of my journalism on do you did? Was the guy that you saw on the trail?

Is it somebody that it's not? Let me ask, speaking of my journalism on do you did? Was the guy that you saw on the trail?

You were like, oh or no, no, no, no, you were dating? No we were dating? Oh okay, we were dating and like you know, you want adventure and you want a spicy.

You were like, oh or no, no, no, no, you were dating? No we were dating? Oh okay, we were dating and like you know, you want adventure and you want a spicy.

Yeah, then yeah, did y'all pre plan it? I always wonder about that, like do y'all go, oh, we're gonna go this hike?

Yeah, then yeah, did y'all pre plan it? I always wonder about that, like do y'all go, oh, we're gonna go this hike?

That kind of It was just.

That kind of It was just.

A moment, so it's real romantic.

A moment, so it's real romantic.

Yeah. Oh. I was like, well, you know, I'm kind of ornery like that. So I just asked the question. I said, Oh, wow, I wonder how many people mess around up here? Because we made it to the top of the hike where there's the one, yeah, the one wisdom tree, and then there's the flag that like hangs off the side of the mountain and there's like these big rocks and yeah, it's you can see forever. Yeah. I just like ask the question, like, I wonder if people mess around? To me, I wonder how many people have messed around here? It's like probably a lot. Why do you want to? And I was like I could be down. I just kind of.

Yeah. Oh. I was like, well, you know, I'm kind of ornery like that. So I just asked the question. I said, Oh, wow, I wonder how many people mess around up here? Because we made it to the top of the hike where there's the one, yeah, the one wisdom tree, and then there's the flag that like hangs off the side of the mountain and there's like these big rocks and yeah, it's you can see forever. Yeah. I just like ask the question, like, I wonder if people mess around? To me, I wonder how many people have messed around here? It's like probably a lot. Why do you want to? And I was like I could be down. I just kind of.

Dropped lovely, Yes, I love that.

Dropped lovely, Yes, I love that.

Knew what to do.

Knew what to do.

Period, he understood. He understood, Yeah, I love that.

Period, he understood. He understood, Yeah, I love that.

Have you ever done anything in nature?

Have you ever done anything in nature?

Is an alleyway?

Is an alleyway?

Nature that's a city escape? I don't know, you've never been bent over a log? Or anything.

Nature that's a city escape? I don't know, you've never been bent over a log? Or anything.

This is my favorite conversation. Have I ever been bent over a log?

This is my favorite conversation. Have I ever been bent over a log?

No? But I mean I really I think people should be having sex in nature more often. There's nothing like staring at a river when you're bent over a log, having your pussy eaten from the back. It's beautiful.

No? But I mean I really I think people should be having sex in nature more often. There's nothing like staring at a river when you're bent over a log, having your pussy eaten from the back. It's beautiful.

I need that on a shirt, on a shirt. It sounds the way you're saying. It sounds beautiful. And so I will make I will make Wow. Am I gonna do this? I will. I will make a statement right here on this podcast so you can hold me accountable and everyone listening. This summer, I will get bent over a log in nature, in front of a stream and have my pussy ate out from the bed.

I need that on a shirt, on a shirt. It sounds the way you're saying. It sounds beautiful. And so I will make I will make Wow. Am I gonna do this? I will. I will make a statement right here on this podcast so you can hold me accountable and everyone listening. This summer, I will get bent over a log in nature, in front of a stream and have my pussy ate out from the bed.

Yes, watching a stream.

Yes, watching a stream.

Watching a stream, a deer might frolic by, how sweet, how beautiful?

Watching a stream, a deer might frolic by, how sweet, how beautiful?

It's Yes, it's a sensory thing.

It's Yes, it's a sensory thing.

It's really there's a lot going on, there's not happening. It feels like getting coming back to yourself, if you will.

It's really there's a lot going on, there's not happening. It feels like getting coming back to yourself, if you will.

We're getting in touch with our tribal selves.

We're getting in touch with our tribal selves.

Who we really are. Yes, and then you get to come along with it. This sounds great. So I'm going to I'm going to because don't knock it till you try it. And so an older version of me has famously not fucked in a tent, and I'm still going to keep that version of me in today. But I will find me a log to be bent over in front of a river, and I will report back, Yes, Yes, find me a log to be bent over while I take that log. Amen, somebody, Ah, shall we do some messy mail?

Who we really are. Yes, and then you get to come along with it. This sounds great. So I'm going to I'm going to because don't knock it till you try it. And so an older version of me has famously not fucked in a tent, and I'm still going to keep that version of me in today. But I will find me a log to be bent over in front of a river, and I will report back, Yes, Yes, find me a log to be bent over while I take that log. Amen, somebody, Ah, shall we do some messy mail?

Let's do the mess mail?

Let's do the mess mail?

Okay? This one says is it wrong to ask your partner if they are okay if you see other people, if you're not comfortable with the idea of them seeing others? What do you think?

Okay? This one says is it wrong to ask your partner if they are okay if you see other people, if you're not comfortable with the idea of them seeing others? What do you think?

Oh? I don't think it's wrong. I think it would be wrong to Uh, there's no right answer, because every couple's different. But sure, I think it's wrong to expect that they wouldn't also want to. Yes, people, you can ask.

Oh? I don't think it's wrong. I think it would be wrong to Uh, there's no right answer, because every couple's different. But sure, I think it's wrong to expect that they wouldn't also want to. Yes, people, you can ask.

I'm with you.

I'm with you.

I mean you can ask, but yeah, I think it would be wrong if you then were like no, no, this is a one way street.

I mean you can ask, but yeah, I think it would be wrong if you then were like no, no, this is a one way street.

I agree, Like, I don't think it's wrong to have the desire to see others but maybe not be comfortable. I think you have to interrogate it and be like, well, why am I not comfortable with my partner also seeing others if I want to see others and kind of get to the root of what that is.

I agree, Like, I don't think it's wrong to have the desire to see others but maybe not be comfortable. I think you have to interrogate it and be like, well, why am I not comfortable with my partner also seeing others if I want to see others and kind of get to the root of what that is.

Yeah, I've thought about that as well, because I don't really like the idea of my partner seeing another woman. But like if I dating like a bye guy, I don't know where the bye guys are, but if you're if you're out.

Yeah, I've thought about that as well, because I don't really like the idea of my partner seeing another woman. But like if I dating like a bye guy, I don't know where the bye guys are, but if you're if you're out.

There out here, they are here, hello, Hello.

There out here, they are here, hello, Hello.

I thought, maybe it wouldn't bother me if another if he saw another guy, or if or if we incorporated another dude like into the fold, but like something about another woman, I would start comparing myself. I think, sure, I think I would get insecure. Yeah, you know what I mean.

I thought, maybe it wouldn't bother me if another if he saw another guy, or if or if we incorporated another dude like into the fold, but like something about another woman, I would start comparing myself. I think, sure, I think I would get insecure. Yeah, you know what I mean.

So that's fair, that's fair, And that's also such a fair thing to know, Like if you were to come up in this conversation, it's like, oh, there's nuance here that maybe I would be comfortable with you seeing somebody else, but not if it's somebody that I feel like I might be in competition with.

So that's fair, that's fair, And that's also such a fair thing to know, Like if you were to come up in this conversation, it's like, oh, there's nuance here that maybe I would be comfortable with you seeing somebody else, but not if it's somebody that I feel like I might be in competition with.

Yeah, And typically the guys I date are just straight as an arrow, and they you know, probably won't would want another woman. And I just don't know if I'm secure enough to do that.

Yeah, And typically the guys I date are just straight as an arrow, and they you know, probably won't would want another woman. And I just don't know if I'm secure enough to do that.

Yeah, and that's fair, and like, you know, I feel like the security you know, for this type of question. You know, I think we're talking about non monogamy and then potentially even polyamory eventually, but you know, it's like that type of security you can only build with your partner. And so I do think that, like for this person, I think it's important to be transparent about like I would love to make this thing happen, but I also have reservations because I'm afraid of you seeing other people and then be able to like figure it out together and how you can make it so it feels secure for both of you. And it might be that like we just keep seeing each other and say a monogamy, but it also might be that like we both have a say in who the other people are or or we don't need to know about it, or like you could do that when I'm traveling. But you may be able to find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable. But you have to be transparent. You have to I think you have to say the thing like I am interested in this, but I also have reservations over here that I'm also working through, which is that like I don't know if I'm comfortable with you seeing other people. I think it gets wrong if you were to impose that though based off of your feeling being like okay, and you can't see other people, Like I don't like that that one way street you were talking about, Like, right, that's not that to me? Is is it loving?

Yeah, and that's fair, and like, you know, I feel like the security you know, for this type of question. You know, I think we're talking about non monogamy and then potentially even polyamory eventually, but you know, it's like that type of security you can only build with your partner. And so I do think that, like for this person, I think it's important to be transparent about like I would love to make this thing happen, but I also have reservations because I'm afraid of you seeing other people and then be able to like figure it out together and how you can make it so it feels secure for both of you. And it might be that like we just keep seeing each other and say a monogamy, but it also might be that like we both have a say in who the other people are or or we don't need to know about it, or like you could do that when I'm traveling. But you may be able to find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable. But you have to be transparent. You have to I think you have to say the thing like I am interested in this, but I also have reservations over here that I'm also working through, which is that like I don't know if I'm comfortable with you seeing other people. I think it gets wrong if you were to impose that though based off of your feeling being like okay, and you can't see other people, Like I don't like that that one way street you were talking about, Like, right, that's not that to me? Is is it loving?

No? That just feels selfish.

No? That just feels selfish.

Yeah, that's and controlling and controlling. Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay. This one says, do you think looks matter more than personality more?

Yeah, that's and controlling and controlling. Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay. This one says, do you think looks matter more than personality more?

No? But you kind of need both. Yeah, yeah, because it's like I need the primal I need the primal thing if we're gonna do yeah, sexy time, But like otherwise, I don't know, it just feels like a friendship.

No? But you kind of need both. Yeah, yeah, because it's like I need the primal I need the primal thing if we're gonna do yeah, sexy time, But like otherwise, I don't know, it just feels like a friendship.

I think when people ask this question, they're always thinking and maybe this person isn't true. But I feel when this question gets asked, it's usually being viewed in what are the external standards or the cultural standards of beauty as like as opposed to what do I as an individual find attractive? And so I think if we're all honest, it's like, yeah, looks do matter, but you don't need to look like Brad Pitt or whatever that conventional somebody just said Bradpit recently, so that's why that's coming out. But you know, like whatever is like icon of like beauty that we are upholding in culture, I don't need my partner to look like that. I need my partner to look like what I'm attracted to. And so I would agree looks and personality do matter because I would like to be attracted to my partner as well.

I think when people ask this question, they're always thinking and maybe this person isn't true. But I feel when this question gets asked, it's usually being viewed in what are the external standards or the cultural standards of beauty as like as opposed to what do I as an individual find attractive? And so I think if we're all honest, it's like, yeah, looks do matter, but you don't need to look like Brad Pitt or whatever that conventional somebody just said Bradpit recently, so that's why that's coming out. But you know, like whatever is like icon of like beauty that we are upholding in culture, I don't need my partner to look like that. I need my partner to look like what I'm attracted to. And so I would agree looks and personality do matter because I would like to be attracted to my partner as well.

We need to get off of like what society deems as attractive or acceptable, because if everybody just worried more about what they actually like, I think we would be better off. I think everyone would feel a lot more desired and loved because people's palate for what they sign sexy is so varied, but you wouldn't know it by pop culture or by yeah, what they force feed you know, down our throats every day on Instagram or wherever.

We need to get off of like what society deems as attractive or acceptable, because if everybody just worried more about what they actually like, I think we would be better off. I think everyone would feel a lot more desired and loved because people's palate for what they sign sexy is so varied, but you wouldn't know it by pop culture or by yeah, what they force feed you know, down our throats every day on Instagram or wherever.

I agree with that, and I it becomes like a question about preferences, which is something that I started interrogating maybe like tenish years ago, just like where my preferences were coming from and what they were about, and really learning that a lot of my quote unquote preferences were adopted that I adopted them based off of social pressure and social cues, but weren't necessarily what I found attractive. And when I started to pull at the string, I realized that I found a whole smorgas board of things attractive, and I was attracted to so much more than I was allowing myself to be attracted to. And so I don't think there's anything wrong with looks mattering, but I think that maybe the question is, are you limiting what your idea of beauty is when you're thinking about looks versus personality?

I agree with that, and I it becomes like a question about preferences, which is something that I started interrogating maybe like tenish years ago, just like where my preferences were coming from and what they were about, and really learning that a lot of my quote unquote preferences were adopted that I adopted them based off of social pressure and social cues, but weren't necessarily what I found attractive. And when I started to pull at the string, I realized that I found a whole smorgas board of things attractive, and I was attracted to so much more than I was allowing myself to be attracted to. And so I don't think there's anything wrong with looks mattering, but I think that maybe the question is, are you limiting what your idea of beauty is when you're thinking about looks versus personality?

Yeah, and what you're in what your body responds to?

Yeah, and what you're in what your body responds to?

Uh huh. Yes.

Uh huh. Yes.

A lot of people deny what their body responds to.

A lot of people deny what their body responds to.

One thousand percent one thousand percent as like you know, I'm not supposed to or I can't. I talked about this, I wrote a piece about this about when I wear a sports bra, how I kind of have three reactions for men. One is like, uh, you know, go off, sys you look great. One is like extreme masculinity and rudeness, and the other is the short circuiting, which is what we're talking about, where people don't know that they're allowed to be attracted to it or what they're being attracted to. It's like yeah, you got to explore, like there's some things that you got told that you can't find as beautiful that you absolutely can and and what is your body responding to?

One thousand percent one thousand percent as like you know, I'm not supposed to or I can't. I talked about this, I wrote a piece about this about when I wear a sports bra, how I kind of have three reactions for men. One is like, uh, you know, go off, sys you look great. One is like extreme masculinity and rudeness, and the other is the short circuiting, which is what we're talking about, where people don't know that they're allowed to be attracted to it or what they're being attracted to. It's like yeah, you got to explore, like there's some things that you got told that you can't find as beautiful that you absolutely can and and what is your body responding to?

And that is oh my god.

And that is oh my god.

Yeah, yeah, like listen to you, listen to your body.

Yeah, yeah, like listen to you, listen to your body.

Not to dive into the trams stuff too much. But the short circuiting when you mentioned the short circuiting, I mean, talk about a short circuit when these straight men find out sometimes because you know, a lot of times they just don't know the tea or whatever. And then and then I can bear witness when someone fills them in or maybe I fill them in or whatever. Yeah, and the short circuit is crazy lazy. It's like what is happening right now? Like you see it unfold and you're just like you're okay, yes, yes, it's really going on. Like it's so obvious that their body reacted in a positive way. But then they're yes, catches everything that they programmed to think is like it's like a time lapse. It's like everything's catching up, and it's like and they're just like, it's a it's a complete short circuit.

Not to dive into the trams stuff too much. But the short circuiting when you mentioned the short circuiting, I mean, talk about a short circuit when these straight men find out sometimes because you know, a lot of times they just don't know the tea or whatever. And then and then I can bear witness when someone fills them in or maybe I fill them in or whatever. Yeah, and the short circuit is crazy lazy. It's like what is happening right now? Like you see it unfold and you're just like you're okay, yes, yes, it's really going on. Like it's so obvious that their body reacted in a positive way. But then they're yes, catches everything that they programmed to think is like it's like a time lapse. It's like everything's catching up, and it's like and they're just like, it's a it's a complete short circuit.

Absolutely, it's wild.

Absolutely, it's wild.

It's really bizarre. And then sometimes you may see them out somewhere again, and like they don't even know how to like look at you or talk to you. And it's like it's like, Babe, you were on my you were on my body. You were on my like you were you were at me, sir, don't even don't.

It's really bizarre. And then sometimes you may see them out somewhere again, and like they don't even know how to like look at you or talk to you. And it's like it's like, Babe, you were on my you were on my body. You were on my like you were you were at me, sir, don't even don't.

Don't you play? Don't you know? Yeah? And for who? That's the thing, like who are you playing? Who are you doing that for? Who are you setting your allegiance to. It's like you're denying what you're attracted to for the credibility of the people who aren't fucking you, Like, like what do we like? You're denying yourself love or romance or or sexual pleasure because you're afraid of what some men you'll never meet think, Like.

Don't you play? Don't you know? Yeah? And for who? That's the thing, like who are you playing? Who are you doing that for? Who are you setting your allegiance to. It's like you're denying what you're attracted to for the credibility of the people who aren't fucking you, Like, like what do we like? You're denying yourself love or romance or or sexual pleasure because you're afraid of what some men you'll never meet think, Like.

Just yeah, I guess well they care. I think they care more about what their bros think than what they actually like.

Just yeah, I guess well they care. I think they care more about what their bros think than what they actually like.

Yes, which in some ways, and not to go too far into this, but I also when I hear that, I'm like, that's a little gay to me.

Yes, which in some ways, and not to go too far into this, but I also when I hear that, I'm like, that's a little gay to me.

I feel Okay, Like you're so a you are.

I feel Okay, Like you're so a you are.

So trying not to be gay, and yet your entire personality is being dictated by the acceptance of these other men.

So trying not to be gay, and yet your entire personality is being dictated by the acceptance of these other men.

Right. It's like, well, that feels I don't know, it just feels a little homolite.

Right. It's like, well, that feels I don't know, it just feels a little homolite.

A little homolte.

A little homolte.

Okay, this says, This says.