Shrink This! With Lisa Lampanellin this episode, Lisa dives into the concept of geographic sobriety: the concept that getting the hell away fixes what ails ya. People run everywhere from Tucson to Timbuktu to avoid their family, their ex, and their internal angst. But does a location change truly help or is the old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are” actually the case? Lisa and Nick read letters from a listener who left her entire family behind to try to stay sane, and another who's thinking about loving her mom... from a safe distance over international waters. All aboard and bon voyage!
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach. She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it all, and her words come from her head, her heart, and often out of her ass. This podcast should not be misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
These You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come on, gollam, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do what I say, dumb.
Ass, listen to me. You such a sweet, lovely girl.
That's what they say about me, Liza Lebrelli, Welcome to mine and only my podcast that no one helped me get. I did all myself, and no one is certainly doing any heavy lifting here today except me and these other two are nothing correct correct. Welcome to shrink this with Lease lamp and l you. I of course have my lovely and talented and very tentified host, co host or sidekick. What is his name? Why? It's Nick scopol Eddie also known as love Handle Jones.
Yeah.
We're just studying Nick in the mirror and seeing what parts of his body are most heinous. What do we land on?
I think the love Handles number one. Yeah, we have a bald spot on the Camera's pretty funny, but we know him bald. It's not a big deal.
No, you lead with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the love handles. But you're shrinking a little bit, a little bit now that I'm saying things better than fat. You look great, girl. You're thick with how many seas?
Three?
Yeah?
Four?
Maybe?
Yes?
So Nick Scopoletti is here, and also the lovely Celia Robano. Oh Celia, I work so hard and I'm sick. Here she's back. Oh good, thank you, Oh my god. So listen. If you have a question for us, this is a show where we give you advice that you should never take. Obviously, send any inquiries, any problems you're having to shrink this show at gmail dot com. That shrink this show at gmail dot com. We'll be here every week or every other week or something to tell you stuff that you'll ignore. But we may make you laugh along the way or maybe if not. I don't care. All I care is that, like all morning, Celia has been walking around the room getting electrically shocked because she's wearing these heinous, suction cupped moon boots as they're called you know, they should really send me a free pair if I mentioned them anyway. And she's like literally shocking herself for fashion. There's some shop. There's something wrong with people who literally will physically hurt themselves. It's like remember when they used to wear corsets in the old days and they pull the string and your ribs would break. No, this bitch's version is moon boots that she walks around and shocks herself with. And I said to her, Hey, She's like, oh, they're comfortable, lens soft. And I said, sus my cunt, but you shouldn't put it on your feet, which might though. I do have suction cups on my cunt.
Yeah, that's true.
I think that's a good drop for this show. She has sucks on her cunt. I think that's a really good additional stock yourself for our show.
You just gone through us.
Please, I know you would put one on your penis. Yeah, I'm talking to cuffs. Oh you both are crazy.
Well I'm a different man.
Wait what Yeah, I've wicked, Yes, you have.
I watched was only six.
Months too late.
That's okay, Well you watch going to theaters alone? Okay, I watched the privacy my own home.
Yeah. See that's good. That's the only way to do it.
I can't, I can't.
We're going to build you up to Hamilton. We're gonna build you up to all the Broadway shows. We're gonna turn you fully gay this morning. Are you enjoying it?
I was really?
Did you start at the beginning?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, Okay, it's good because because it's in black and white.
Yeah, it's just like I'm like a modern man.
You're not. But by the way, you recently had a move. Don't tell anyone where because they'll stalk you. By the way, if they do want to stalk you online, what does your Instagram handle? Please? Nick Scopes could just spell that for those who are K.
And then Scope like the mouth was at the end.
Okay, too complicated? You know what?
Sorry again? K S C O P E U P R S.
OKAYI stupors wicked fans know exactly the way you recently moved. And this is sort of what made me think of the topic for today. Actually, it's not even your move that prompted me to think about this. Have you watched this show? It's so good. It's on Apple TV. It's called Shrinking. Have you watched it. It's Jason Siegel, it's Michael Yuri. It's nominated in every category for all the globes and all the things, all of it. But I noticed when it came out last year, I'm like, well, I really loved this show. I've loved it three years in a row. Okay, but I'm obsessed with it. Why what is it about that show? Yeah, it's great, good writing, great acting, I mean, amazing, has a lot of emotional moments. This time. I think I was in such a place of like, oh, look at their life. It's so much better than mine. And it must be because they live in La and LA's Sonny all the time, and everyone's always in a good mood. I mean, of course this is way before the fires and stuff, so nobody was in a good mood pretty recently with that.
Yeah.
So I was like, I think I should just call Leo, who's my business manager, and say, you know what, I want to live six months in LA and I just want to have the friend group from Shrinking be my actual friends, and I want their actual jobs, which is, by the way, most of them are therapists. So I want to do that without having to get a degree because every time I think about even going to school for psychology, even though I'm clearly like well informed, yeah, I want to die think he might even take in psych one oh one. But I'm like, all my problems will be fixed by moving to LA. Friend group will be better than my friend group here because you're in my friend group here. It's not great, awesome, not terrible. People you better. I definitely am above you. Yeah, for sure, the weather would be better, Apartment living would be so much easier. I would be like so happy and walking around in outfits. You always have to have outfits when you're in LA, because an outfit like you put yourself together or like you won't walk out of the house like looking in moon boots if you know what I'm saying. Just kidding. No, no, you don't want to walk out of your house looking like in sweats and stuff. Here you can get away with anything. We're in New York. We're in Connecticut, Like no one's looking at you. Yeah, And I was like, oh, I could be like not an influencer, but like kind of look like one. Okay, So we will take forty years off my life to live in LA. And so of course. I was like, instantly, after one day of thinking that way, I go, wait a minute. This is what they call in twelve step programs geographic sobriety, geographic the geographic cure, which is, oh my god, my life sucks here. I bet if I move to insert place here, my life will be much better, which clearly wherever you go, there you are and eat. It was so iconic, the idea of geographic sobriety that it'd even made it into the Sopranos when Tony Soprano said, what did he say? Nick?
There's no geographical solution to an emotional.
Problem, which is very true.
I love it.
But by the way, Nick is so dumb that he thought Tony invented that. And I'm like, no, they've been saying a for forty five years.
Because I'm perfect.
Yeah, that's true. Do it alway? Maybe o A.
Yeah?
How about Titsy love Handle Anonymous? Oh my god, this show sounds like we're player hating. I like it, okay, and he could take it jot. So, Nick, have you ever had this sort of a fantasy about like, oh, my life would be better somewhere else? I mean, I definitely thought my life would be better if Nick was dead.
Yeah, but same.
Yeah.
Man, I really wish I had some moon boots right now. I would just get all the static and then just shock les.
All right.
Yeah, I've definitely thought that, especially doing comedy. I was like, I should you know now, like with the boom of like guys like Rogan moving to Austin and the comor she moved to Austin.
Yeah, because you really want to follow what Joe Rogan does. Yeah, that's a really iconic person.
But being there, I'm like, you know, I visited and it's great, and I I you know, I don't know, I've thought. I thought about l A for a hot second and i'saw on the fires. I'm like, I'm good. Never never that never to go there. But you have moments of it. But it always comes back to just like focusing, for me, at least, focusing on like the really good stuff you do have, Like I get I get that with work, Like with my job, I will get that of like, well if I change jobs and I could travel more and do all the stuff, And it's like, do you want.
To travel more? Yeah? I think what we're programmed to think, why would you throw that away? Well, we were programmed to think you should love to travel. I rather punch myself in the click than travel. I don't want to get on a plane. I just turned down. Damn it, stop shocking anymore. I got yesterday, turned down invitation to a wedding and tell your ride because I'm like, I'm not traveling to tell your ride for a wedding, Like I really don't like travel. But we're supposed to like these things. But I think with when it's like career based, when it's like, oh, to be discovered quote unquote, like in the old days, to be discovered you had to go to LA and New York, like there was just like, you're not doing comedy in a vacuum in Connecticut and expecting some headliner to come and rescue. So I get why people move where there's industries, but moving and thinking it's going to solve your internal stuff, you're gonna be if you're unhappy drunk in Boston. I'm talking to you who knows I'm listening. Think he knows who I'm talking about the population.
Yeah, well, if.
You're an unhappy drunk in Boston with the masters that you're not using, are you going to be a happy, non drunk in San Diego. No, you're going to be an unhappy drunk in better weather, There's no doubt about it. Yeah, but still is you got I think that when I was running and running and running, you don't solve the internal shit and that external solution to an internal problem, it just never works.
Yeah. I mean, I see my buddy who lives in Portland. Now. Granted he move there with like his fiance who's now his wife.
So and he's a hippie, which he fits in he is.
But like, I think that's a little different if he moved there solo. But like now he's been there, what was six years? Seven years? He has a great community and like all these people and I'm like, oh man, that's like kind of cool that like he did. He's like the only one that like left really.
But here's what I think. There's difference between running away from yourself and running towards something else.
For sure.
So say you move cause you're you want to pursue a career in entertainment. Hollywood's the place to do it. You're running towards a career, right, You're not running away from oh my god, my horrible self. Esteem. By the way, if you are running towards Hollywood, you have terrible self esteem. Anyone who's in this business hates themselves. I will say, there's three people in this room you feel that way, correct, Celia, this pitch don't have for mic she don't have her little button. She's afraid to press anything. What a great person to have on her job. You're so fired, right, I want to assume I'm gonna put words about them and be like correct, oh, yeah, correct, yeah, yeah. So it's just it's really where that old saying, wherever you go, there you are. It's just the same. You're gonna be the same crappy, unhealed person. But here's the question, though, how much do you is it? Anyone never truly healed? Probably not. But I think you know when you're in action and working on yourself enough to then go well that plus the move is okay. One. I don't think the move should happen to fix anything without the internal work. But at one point you've got to be ready to be like, well, I'm gonna keep on my healing journey even when I'm out there, right, because I've done the thing where you get a boyfriend and you suddenly don't need therapy anymore because that's supposed to fix you. Get the new apartment, get the new house, get whatever. Oh that'll fix me. It's like, well, no, unless you're living you moved into a psychiatric facility, that'll help you. But no, it's not going to help other than that.
Yeah.
So, I mean when you decided to move from one place to another in Connecticut, what was a motivating factor there? It doesn't sound like you were trying to escape anything.
Not at all. It simply was like it was kind of a push I needed. So long story short, where I was living. I'm in a two family house and I live on the bottom level and my buddy used to own the house. So my rent was like fourteen fifty, which was like to live alone was like the best.
By the way, if you're listening to this new event in Alabama, that's not much for a good place.
Yeah, that's bad. But so I was paying like fourteen fifty. They sold the house. I have a new landlord and she was like, hey, when your lease is up, I'm upping your rent to twenty two hundred a month, right, And I was like, yeah, I'm not going to pay that and live here, right, so might as well I couldn't afford it. It'll be tough because like fourteen fifty is insane.
Yeah, that's just like frase.
I had a good deal for a long time. So I was like, you know what, it's gonna give me a push to move somewhere that's closer to the city, to to get a new, nicer apartment and kind of branch out. So it gave me the push I needed. And I at least had like a goal and focus to save money for I was like, all right, I have something I really want to do here. So that was the big push.
And yeah, but almost seems like you were running towards a better situation.
Yeah, because towards New York City.
Well, but also know the price is better what you're getting. If the price is better for what you're getting, you're geographically closer. If you have to run into the city for jobs, I mean, as if anyone's hiring you. That's pretty funny when I say that I'm actually actually work here, let's all just chuckle like a lot. I'm a caterer, but there's no but there's it's just seeing any I think anytime that we can go internally and say, is it something I'm trying to fix inside me? And running from that problem? Like I every year I have like a necklace I get printed up of what I have to work on that year. So last two years ago it said good enough. Last year it said speak no evil because I gossip too much and that's just beneath me. This one says stop running, because you know, I work on myself a lot, and I look internally a lot, but there is like still too much running from stuff, Like there's still issues that, oh you're sixty three, let's go. So I think when we use a location, it just never really works out. Every time we go to a certain pizza place. We go to this place called Sally's in Connecticut and it's in a complex where there's this beautiful apartment building. And every day I'm walking to my car from the restaurant and I'm like, you know what, I just move in here. I mean, how easy is apartment life? Like you don't have to do a long you don't have to have guys who work for you, you don't have to plow snow. Oh wait a minute, but you do have to like worry about your package is getting stolen. You have to worry about walking from the car and unloading your stuff. You don't have a driveway. So it's never really about the thing. It's about, well, what am I trying to say? Oh I want more ease in my life? Right, so that can be done without a big move?
Yeah, one d percent. I think now I want to ask this, do you ever think that a move is the thing for a person?
Probably if you're getting yourself. I think, if you're working on the inside stuff and doing it. Yeah. And also if like say you're brought up in some town where there's no industry for you, you got to go. But I think it's when people try to use it as a fix. It's like anything else using shopping as a fix for stuff. We're talking on the way in. How like sometimes when you you're like, oh, you know, I'm pretty good with money, but sometimes a girl just needs a sweet tree, you know, like that the sweet tree thing, or the the you know, the Shine hall, the team you haul, the Amazon hall. It's all bullshit, is that you just know what I'm talking about? Absolutely, it's all trying to fix something inside. So I think it's literally about all these weird moves and different things is going, Oh that's something might go work on in there first and then attack.
I think the moral of the story is you need to work on yourself and don't just buy moon boots.
Yeah. I think it's shockingly good. We have a couple questions, and again, listen, we're not judging, but we are, so if you want us to answer your question, remember to emails at shrink this show at gmail dot com. Again, it'll get our attention if you compliment me because or if you put Nick down or tell sell you those shoes are ugly exactly.
I think you put an egg emoji in the subject line.
That would definitely get our attention. We're talking about geographic sobriety, which is running away from your problems thinking a place is going to fix it.
Yeah. So I was asking kind of about the college move because at least where I'm from Louisiana, people don't branch out. They really stay, like I said, below the Mason Dixon line, and like they all go to SEC schools, which is kind of like a cult in itself, genuinely terrifying. Right, But I was the only person who went to like anywhere else besides the South because I went to Wisconsin, and I always was like since I was a kid, I was like, get me the fuck out of here. I don't want to be in this debutante stuff anymore. I don't want to be in this society where everyone knows everything and everything's frowned upon, because that is what New Orleans is. And I ran away, you know.
No, no, But I think again, like we were saying at the break when we didn't have the mic on, but I'll repeat ourselves, Yeah, you ran towards something like a life that you wanted better. So it doesn't sound like there's a lot of internal struggle about like, oh, I'm trying to escape my I bet I won't be a drunk if I move out of New Orleans or whatever. But also you and I get it because we all do it. There's a lot of judgment in your voice about they all, they all, they all. If you didn't have the privilege of having the means to move, you would have found the people that you could have vibed with, because I get even fifty percent of people in New Orleans are stuck and racist or whatever the hell or debutant stuff. There's communities all over that I think are fine. So we're lucky enough to have the privilege of going, Oh man, I can go away to college and kind of get out of that and I vibe more with Wisconsin. I don't know if you like milk and cheese a lot, but that seems to be a great thing, okaysage, Yeah, but yeah, I think like college is a different animal because people want to go where they want to go, and they think they're gonna have that IVY league life if they go to an IVY league, and maybe that's rap and terrible, like sometimes they're rapy and terrible. Every college is rap and terrible. Like I always worry about every person I know who goes to college. I'm like, you know, you're gonna get corn holed by somebody, Yeah, to do it or have it done to you. So I think it's more like if you do some internal soul searching and be like, that's kind of moving for the wrong reason. I think that's fair. You know, everybody likes and also it's just preference to it. Just don't I think moving's fine. Just don't think the problems are disappearing because of the move Because if you're gonna complain about the people in New Orleans, or I'm going to complain about the people in wherever, La Tucson. Uh, we're gonna find the same complaining people people to complain about in those locations. So we're gonna eventually have to work on that and that judgment. So it eventually comes down to us just working on us.
Yeah, that's true.
So take off those boots and shut the fuck up. Okay, just kidding. It's clearly it's like a point of conflict, very much so I think walking. They were made for running the fuck away. I'm triggered. Love it. Okay, I hate that expression. Okay, Nick, what's our first letter?
Our first letter? I'll do it. Oh it's gay man.
Okay, how do you know?
Did he say it's like in the first three words?
Okay, well, there you go. You're pretty close to that.
Dear Lisa, I'm a fifth he's fifty two.
Dear Lisa, have a Harvey fire scene.
I'm a fifty two year old gay man who has worshiped the Queen since I first saw you live in to.
Run see see see what happens when you give me a compliment? This assholes letters got on? Go ahead.
Thank you for all the laughs. I have dated so many shitty guys, bears.
You got narrows, No, I mean otters.
Cubs, all of it. I don't discriminate that I've lost faith in meeting somewhere here in Toronto, meeting someone here in Toronto. I'm thinking of moving to the San Francisco the cost, say that, or New York City to hopefully meet someone that I really connect with. Which city do you think might be a benefit for me? You County fan?
Do you know Christoph? Or County fans Christopher?
But at the end it's Christoph.
Yes, it is. It is. This is a weird one because I don't think you can say, quote, this city has all the good gaze and this city has the bad gaze. You know what it sounds like with him, It sounds like he's throwing too broad of a net. And there's this thing about people go, I don't discriminate, Well, you have to be discriminating in a way because you're trying to make it work with people. It's not natural with I've never met a gay man who doesn't have a type. And you know, it doesn't have to be so narrow like they have to be one hundred and forty pounds they have to be. But I mean, you know, we all have a type. This guy sounds like he's throwing the broad net and he's not being discriminated enough with himself and should maybe stay within his pool of people and see what's in him that's making him kind of sound a little desperate. Honestly, Yeah, what do you think does sound that way?
He just needs lions and bears and twinks? Oh my, I I know, am I right? I don't know. I mean I guess if he's been somewhere. He didn't really say how long he's been in Toronto. I'm assuming it's his whole life.
Yeah, well, with that Toronto accent you did. Yeah, I don't know.
I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, I mean it could work. I don't. I don't know, because here's the thing, like to say, like like you said, to say, one city has bad gays or good gays or what it doesn't matter.
Well, sure, but they're all just bad and going to hell. I think we know that, you know. Yeah?
Yeah?
Right? But yeah, I mean I think it's a valid thing of like, Oh, I live in Des Moines, Iowa, and I really there's not a huge pool of gay man. I don't know if there is or there isn't, But suppose it's that Nick go on assignment there and I just need to be around more people who are like me. That seems valid, but it almost seems like his internal work should be like figuring out what he wants and targeting it. They say, with dating, I don't know anymore, but like you just kind of have to know what you want and not be like, well I've been with the time. Well, I didn't want a woman who'll also work, but she wants to stay home. But so I guess it's okay, Yeah, and then that's nothing but like bad compromise.
Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest. This just came to my head, and I've always thought about this, like I've the first half of my life, I lived in New York, I lived in Westchester, then I moved to Connecticut, and there's always a part of me because I still stay in contact with everyone, and there's always like a small part of me when I've been having a tough time dating that I'm like, maybe if I because I look at New York and I was like, if I stayed in New York, I think maybe I would have met someone by now like because there's a lot of guys like me that look like me with some great looking, fantastic women. I'm like, I my best dating matches are in New York, Long Island and Jersey, And I'm like, yeah, but if I stayed down there.
Well, but I think we both know you have a shitload no offense and you know this internal work to do on fear of intimacy and you know, you know, guh, if you're a married woman, Nick's not gonna fuck you, but he's very comfortable talking to that. So you know, it's just like Nick loves safe and unattainable and that's okay.
And disappoint you.
So that's gonna happen in New York too. So that's why I was like, two, It's the only way I think a geographical thing works for dating is again, if there's literally no gay community, you gotta find one. I think the only time it really works is when it's a nursing home, because if you're old and go to a nursing home, there's a pool of like jacked up old dudes that you could bang, so that would work. Whereas if you're kind of not say you're old and living in a house by yourself. You're not getting laid. So I say, geographical cure is after age eighty three and you've given up going to nursing home, right, And if you're a gay in Des Moines, get the fuck out right, That's what I'm saying.
There's a place in Florida that I think is called like the Villages. Yeah, yeah, dude, it's like just high school for seeing. Like they're just there's STDs bang well. Ever since like a rectile dysfunctioned medications, I think like STDs amongst the elderly community has gone up like three hundred percent or something.
And that's just me. All right, you got another letter?
Oh my god? Yeah, So, dear Lisa, since the election, I have been so depressed and I'm thinking of leaving the country for Ireland. Interesting, I'm Irish.
Oh wait, start over? You to do it in an Irish accent? Do it like lucky charms. Dear Lisa, that's good.
Since the election, I have been so depressed and leaving this country for good.
Old Ireland is a beautiful.
I'm Irish and I love it there. Do you think this is reasonable? Am I just overreacting?
Yeah? No, you're not overreactingal maw, don't you. You don't know this, but there used to be a soap opera on Before All My Children on ABC. It was on twelve thirty to one called Ryan's Hope and it was an Irish soap opera. But that took place at an Irish bar in New York and the matriarch of the family, wash Maye Ryan played by Big Red from Orange is the New Black. You know, the Kate Melligan that or whatever name is that battle axe which he was young and hot. Isn't funny? The big battle axes sometimes were actually hot. Subject for a future podcast. No, but that's a weird one. I so many people talk about this dual citizenship and should I go to a different country. He doesn't sound like he's trying to escape internal shit. He's trying to just escape and and I would say this is probably the one time if your heart really tells you that I would be happier in a different country. And trust me, my shrink is British and lives there, so we do zoom. I don't fly there every week, even though I'm wealthy. Yeah she's rich, honey, she says more than anybody else. She goes, we have tons of problems here too, she goes, You guys are, of course laughing stock, which we are, she goes, but we have huge problems here too. So as long as he's not delusional about Irish politics being perfect, because I think that's the problem. That's the only time I remember. I always I said I hate travel, and I would punch myself in the dick. Well, the one time I ever think about travel, I oh, Ireland is so beautiful. It's all green. Well, so is the US if you go to a fricking forest, but I'm not going there. I won't even go in the woods. But I'm gonna all go to Ireland. But if he has good, solid memories of loving it there and really feeling at home there, I think that's different than running. It's almost like a runaway and a run towards at the same time. What do you think?
Yeah, I mean, do whatever you want. Who cares? Why are you listening to this?
I mean, well you and I also I want to interrupt you because you weren't saying anything anyway. Also, don't we need more people like him to stick around? And it get that we don't every person in the US doesn't owe the world anything, Like you just don't live your life. You don't have to help other people. You could be the dick you are and just be self absorbed or whatever. Nick. But people who like really are on the right side of things, it's good to have them here. So I think he has to just resolve within himself. And also the knee jerkness of it. If you just let it be for three months and see how it is, if you your internal stress is through the roof and it hasn't worked to do anything else, and you're kind of have a safety net, and you're like, let me just live where I've dual citizenship, go for it.
Yeah, hell yeah. I mean you could stay here and be a cop like most Irish people'd.
Be fine and a drunk with a gun at night. As David Teil's that it does.
Yes, we did, they stay here.
Shut up, all cops are bad.
That's actually a good point though, of like go for like three weeks and like see how you feel.
Well. I didn't say that because no, it's okay, no, no, I can explain myself okay, like codependent much just kidding, No, I said, let the decision sit in the decision for a few months before you go, because if you go for three months, it's going to be rose colored glasses. Look at this vacation, it feels so good. I've bought houses when I'm on vacation. I once I no, no, like I'm gone. I remember going to Kenny right chelse Ba and Tucson, and I had such an amazing emotional spiritual experience because they have all these great like practitioners and this and that. I'm like, I just need a house on property and they sell house on They're not stupid, they sell houses on property. So you suddenly move there. Guess what, you still got all the same fucking problems. So if he would go to Donkey Irish Country for like three months, he might still have the rose colored glasses to be like ye pub, Like every time I watched Ted Lasso, I want to move to England because I was like, oh wow, a pub everyone would know who I am. Well, I could go to any pub in Connecticut and like, if you're putting the time to make friends and you go to trivia or whatever, you will have a place where everyone knows your name. Norm from Cheers. It's not moving to Boston to get cheers. So I think work on the decision, work through it with a pro but the escape thing, yeah, and also we need to hear it.
Don't leave chill for a little bit and then maybe going a few months, going on vacation, going on.
A vacation and come back. Stop with the vacation.
Take me shut up.
We got one more, bitch.
We got one more, all right? I think they're French.
Oh no, I mean great.
I don't really know. I can't do. I've lived. I lived in Paris, close to my family my whole life. But think the proximity to my parents, particularly my mom has held me back from chasing my dreams and doing what I want with my life. She's a total control freak, sizes me constantly. She's like me, my mom's dead. I move away from her so I can grow and finally feel free. Or should I just limit my phone time and visits with her and stay here? Thanks? Am you say it? You're from normal.
Like literally, everyone who's moved away from their mother does not move away from their mother. You do not get rid of your codependent relationship with your mom, which you will, by the way, if you don't work on your codependency will transfer to someone else, which will be your friends, your family, and everything every boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever you get or in between, right, Nick, Yeah, so it will be an issue that needs to be worked on. I think the stronger person goes, okay, let me work on boundaries. Let me work on limiting. Boundaries are great because you don't even have to tell someone it's a boundary. Like I could literally be like, okay, sell Ya is up my ass all the time, Like she's so annoying, Like I'm not making this up. Okay, Okay, let me pick somebody else. Nick is up my ass all the time. No, It's like, and suppose Nick sends me Suppose I have a codependent relationship with Nick and he sends me ten Sopranos memes a day, And I'm like, I really need to create a bounce around this. But I don't even have to tell him. I just say I'm going to look at it once a day. I'm going to delete them all. He doesn't even have to be told. So she could create these boundaries with her mother about we only talk once a week, but mom doesn't have to know. You just have to return the call once a week. It's just standing in your own power as a person. So you never escape a parent by running away. They It's almost like if you don't address the codependency, they come out even in more full force. So it'll be like, well, when am I flying in to see you? Well, I'm gonna say it's your apartment? Right? Like no, right, So, unless you're lucky enough to have a dead mother like Nick, I know that was a good escape you made.
I know.
I don't blame you. I met her. No, you just have to work on that internal stuff. And yeah, eventually, it'd be like Paris always such a fantasy. It's such a I watched five episodes of Emily in Paris and have outfits, so I'm gonna go. It just doesn't work. It's like every York could moved to New York City because they thought they'd be like Sex in the City, and it is never like Sex in the City. I wore heels once. I wanted to shoot myself. No one has a well written life like no one has a life that's written like Michael Patrick King wrote Sex in the City or Emily in Para. David Darren starwits Emily in Paris. Our lives aren't written that way. They're mostly at home crying and bored. I mean, if you're living, like in a city where you don't feel like you have connection yet, So I would. I would. If I was her mother, I'd be much better than her mother, but I would be like, work on your boundaries and codependency. First, have a plan in place, and then see if you want to run towards a new experience. When you're looking at as an experience not an escape, is when you know it's okay to go.
I agree with all of that, but you just said yeah because if she just runs away. I actually think about this a lot because it's just my dad and I and I know he would. He's not controlling. It's different with like a dad, but yeah, it could be, you know. So, But I do think about, like, man, if I moved away, like would he be okay? Yeah, even to New York, even though it's an hour and a half drive to Connecticut lives, I would be like, oh what, he'd be all right? And I don't have that codependency stuff, but it's still I get it, Like that's something I would definitely worry about, and to move to leave she's in New Orleans to go to France. Yeah, you could.
Put up less boundaries with your mom and get a better result and be able to not move. Yeah, like you could literally just be an adult. Like I hate to say it, but like be a grown up. Be a grown up and be like, oh, it's not my job to answer the phone every time mom calls, or just the phrasing she said about because of my mom, I haven't pursued my dreams. Like there's literally no parent whoever says I don't want you to live your dreams or there's probably very few. Yeah, most people just you have to kind of straighten them out a little bit, yeah.
Or at least I mean, like I remember when like I stopped. This is so messed up, but I stopped like telling my dad things like cool things that happened in my life. Yeah, when I was like twenty three or twenty four, I just stopped because every time I was excited and I told him, he always came back with, well, you know, oh, you know what you're gonna do that? Yeah, like Olivia Soprano.
Of like Oh the World, Yeah yeah sure.
So my grandmother was the same way. I was, like, I'm just not gonna tell anyone anything anymore, right, So, like that was the boundary I did. And he didn't want me to not be successful, Like I don't know how.
He was just fear.
But I mean I don't think your mom was like, don't take that job, you fucking lose her.
Right. Well, I heard on a podcast that what not Ours one people actually listened to where she said, no one sets out to say I'm going to be a shitty parent. It just is stuff that you know, they're they're doing their best. Her mother's probably some big inta who just wants her to be safe. You know, Oh it's better you have a job as an accountan. Why are you going to major in that? That's it's just hard to be an actor.
You know.
That's a tough thing.
Sorry, I don't even cut you off. But my dad does that with comedy. Yeah, when I first started, he would be like, so like this comedy thing, like it's just fun, right, Like you're not right, like I mean yeah, but like you're making money or I go, I mean some and he's like, just have fun, don't yeah, Like and coming from him when your dad's and you know, his fast food outfit at seventy five years old, he's going bankrupt twice. You're like, all right, I see where this is coming from, right, he does. He wants his son to be safe. He's not saying, don't do it, You're you're not gonna be good. It's I don't want you to be successful. He's just like, please don't end up like me. Like he's basically what he's saying.
I get that. And also like with someone like her, she's anyone. Anytime somebody says so and so is a control freak where volunteering to be controlled. So this is not the case obviously with abused people or people who are in a tenuous situation financially and can't leave the husband or wife or whatever. But if your mom's a control freak, like you're allowing it, and it's hard. It's not easy. I'm not saying, oh, so just stop no, but you have to figure out why. And every little time you don't call back immediately, every little time you don't pick up that phone, every little time you go, yeah, well, I think I'm right, it's just nicking away what you need to work on, and then maybe you don't have to upend your whole life and move to Paris because they hate us there they do, and you know what, I hate you already, Paris. You count Oh my god. Well, I think we've helped literally no one, which is my goal, just talk and help damn soul. This is the time that we always do Lisa's fuck up of the week. Now, I have a long list, because I usually have a running list for a week. This week, I feel a near to gonna laugh, but it's I'm truthful. I feel like bad about making fun of Celia's moon boots, and I'm gonna tell you why. No, You're gonna both laugh. But I mean this, I don't think that was nice. Just because I think someone's footwear is morally reprehensible, ugly and unflattering doesn't mean that I should puss out and wait till i'm the air. What I do is the old me. What I would do is say, like an opening act of mine would be in the room or whatever, and they'd have on something I didn't like, and I would be like, no, great good, And then I go and say, just say, the fucking shoes on that guys, like a terrible, cowardly thing. But also, my opinion doesn't count. I think I wanted to make fun of them because of me saying so's my cunt, Like I wanted to get a funny line in at the expense of your shoes. So I feel like I don't want you to be sad. No, don't answer before I'm done. I'm not your code of pending fucking weird parents that we'll talk about some other time. I don't want you to feel like, Wow, you know I'm gonna come in here and oh suddenly I'm the fucking fodder for the routine and you probably are. You're gonna have to be. That's what you get when you sign on. So not taking my apology back now, So I feel like it came out sideways. My opinion of people's fashion and boots, etc. Is not everyone's opinion and is long. You're happy. It's killing me to say it. I'm happy, but I felt that you were getting too many shocks also, which felt weird, and it's almost like, I don't want you being shocked for something that's that unattractive. So if you're gonna wear something that, I get why they wore corsets and we're uncomfortable because it's fucking hot weight. Now I don't know you're not part, so I shouldn't yuck you'r yum. So I feel bad, but not bad enough for I'm not still making fun of it, so there's still something wrong with me. So I apologize for having a terrible personality. I think I'm just apologizing for not being having any real answer to this thing, like how do you be a comic and even know I'm retired and not make fun and how do you really do it? But I'm still finding my way, so I apologize. I just don't know.
Well, I love being a clown, so I don't mind being made fun of, But will you be laughing when you fall on the ice?
And I don't, well, no, because I have a driver, so I don't.
Nick actually absolutely annihilated with that.
You know what? It is funny though?
No?
Uh no, you're right, they're certain. But don't you have the thing where like you wear them and then change them into shoes that don't shock you? Because I think there's two issues. The two issues are I find them weird looking and only cute when you would have like proportionately like leggings or whatever, because then they would be some proportion like yeah, I mean it shouldn't be boxbox box. It should be who I am an azoid, So I'm a fashion influence on by the way what I have on. I know I have boxbox box. I get it. I've done boxbox box, but the thin legging and that would probably oh my god, they're a fashion piece and now it just looks boxy. But so it doesn't matter if I like him or hate them. I just also was like, wonder why you're willing to not change and then not get shocks. But that's none of my business anyway.
Honestly, I didn't think about it.
So maybe I'm a great person because I've opened you up to this possibility. I actually do get concerned over youngsters, and you're young. You know, you're twenty two, So I get concerned over like, ooh, this pattern of volunteering for pain probably is in other areas of one's life, you know what I mean, like over doing things, over working, over exercise, not eating it up, whatever it is. It's like, ooh, how much pain are we going to volunteer for? So I think I saw them as more of a symptom of ooh, self inflicted harm. You're doing sah, self harm. This is cutting is your version of cutting for cowards, so it just won't even be okay. I think at heart it was a noble uh pointing him out on my part, but came with a joke that I don't like. So that's all I apologize. If not, if I apologize that it was probably said incorrectly, does that make sense? Absolutely? Say, I forgive you, Lisa, I forget. Who's the cutest person I ever met?
Yes?
No, you're okay.
You know what I do look like so I can't even you can't even next week we have like snatched leggings, but you're right.
Just just take them off when you're in here and don't shock yourself. Just go and bare feet do something I will je good feet. I have big feet, me too? What size? Holy ship minor ten? You're drag green feet and they're wide. I'm also oh yeah, huh, Nick, I'm very very tall, NiCoT, your.
Feet eleven and a half?
Holy shito, we know what that means? Follow me, Nick, scope of handle, big cat cag All right. So as long as Celia forgives me, I'm happy. And by the way, I know I mispronounced her name, it's on purpose. It's a control thing. I'm working on it. Okay, so listen, this was fun. Nick. Did you ever get Tiama?
I had like a blast.
Well, you know what I'm going to say, are very very neatly typed up outro, which is thanks for listening. Be sure to email us your questions at shrink this Show at gmail dot com. That Shrink this Show at gmail dot com. Follow me on socials Lise Lamp and Ally Lee's lamp and Elly Jeez a big cunt and we know it. Uh and uh listen into like all ones it Wait, this is the one we always have to edit. Make sure to listen to Well, Nick should be doing this. You do the loser work here. I should not say you know what, I take it back, Shut up, I take back my apology. Make Nick do the loser stuff.
Go ahead, Nick.
Make sure to follow me on socials at Nick Scobes and Lisa Lambell both of us, And make sure to listen to Shrink This on your iHeartRadio app or wherever you get podcasts.
I get mine at the iHeartRadio podcast app. Where do you get it?
Nick?
Where do you get yours?
Usually spotifyheart Radio. Yeah, yeah, it's.
Such a fucking jerk, we love you. Shrink this
