Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya read an iHeartRadio podcast.

Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya read an iHeartRadio podcast.

Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in and today is the first day of Tanya and Becca's book club. So the book of topic is Untamed by Glennon Doyle.

Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in and today is the first day of Tanya and Becca's book club. So the book of topic is Untamed by Glennon Doyle.

Yes, I read this book.

Yes, I read this book.

I think it came out in twenty twenty, so I think I read it pretty much right when it came out.

I think it came out in twenty twenty, so I think I read it pretty much right when it came out.

And I read it shortly after you.

And I read it shortly after you.

And it was so there were so many parallels as I was reading it to my own life and situation.

And it was so there were so many parallels as I was reading it to my own life and situation.

I was just I remember reading it being like, oh.

I was just I remember reading it being like, oh.

My gosh, this is exactly if I was an author and had away with words. This is exactly how I would describe it or say it. So we are kind of going through and reading it and just going to kind of talk about things that resonated with us. You don't actually need to read the book. I think it's a great book to read. But if you're like I'm not a reader, I don't have time, you can just tune in and hear a.

My gosh, this is exactly if I was an author and had away with words. This is exactly how I would describe it or say it. So we are kind of going through and reading it and just going to kind of talk about things that resonated with us. You don't actually need to read the book. I think it's a great book to read. But if you're like I'm not a reader, I don't have time, you can just tune in and hear a.

Chit chat about it.

Chit chat about it.

Yeah, and you know, we're all we're doing this in hopes that we can lock Glennon Doyle.

Yeah, and you know, we're all we're doing this in hopes that we can lock Glennon Doyle.

In the club.

In the club.

By the way.

By the way.

So I message her, so you Glennon?

So I message her, so you Glennon?

No, no, yeah, okay.

No, no, yeah, okay.

I messaged Glennon so I had posted the photo of the four of us from the soccer game. She saw it but didn't do anything, didn't hurt it, didn't hurt it. So then I was like, oh, it was so great meeting, like thanks for being so warm, Like sorry, I was like spewing my like words at you, but whatever, you know, saw it?

I messaged Glennon so I had posted the photo of the four of us from the soccer game. She saw it but didn't do anything, didn't hurt it, didn't hurt it. So then I was like, oh, it was so great meeting, like thanks for being so warm, Like sorry, I was like spewing my like words at you, but whatever, you know, saw it?

No, re.

No, re.

So I don't know how to do them.

So I don't know how to do them.

That's like, it's like when didn't this happen to someone where they's we talked about like a grace per Oh no, it was like I messaged Jesse Williams and we were always saying, like we saw it.

That's like, it's like when didn't this happen to someone where they's we talked about like a grace per Oh no, it was like I messaged Jesse Williams and we were always saying, like we saw it.

That'd be devastating.

That'd be devastating.

Yeah, she's she's now seen and not replied twice. Yeah, I mean a charm.

Yeah, she's she's now seen and not replied twice. Yeah, I mean a charm.

No, I gotta take a break. My ego can't handle it. Is the thief of success success, yes, okay, but I'm going to.

No, I gotta take a break. My ego can't handle it. Is the thief of success success, yes, okay, but I'm going to.

Just give it a break.

Just give it a break.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean it's gonna take us minute to get to the book.

I mean it's gonna take us minute to get to the book.

Yeah yeah, yeah, Well hopefully we'll make progress again.

Yeah yeah, yeah, Well hopefully we'll make progress again.

I know, I can't believe you were seen and not replied and I.

I know, I can't believe you were seen and not replied and I.

Replied to, it's okay, she's busy.

Replied to, it's okay, she's busy.

Okay, look good for So it's not looking good for us, It's.

Okay, look good for So it's not looking good for us, It's.

Okay, Alas, we are going to continue the journey of Untamed.

Okay, Alas, we are going to continue the journey of Untamed.

Yes we are.

Yes we are.

So the book starts out with.

So the book starts out with.

Her talking about she goes to a zoo with her kids and they have a cheetah run right where they have like a dog that did you listen to this part or read this part?

Her talking about she goes to a zoo with her kids and they have a cheetah run right where they have like a dog that did you listen to this part or read this part?

Is this the prologue?

Is this the prologue?

Yeah? No, okay, so she this was this part is so crazy.

Yeah? No, okay, so she this was this part is so crazy.

So she starts out the book and she's saying they go to the zoo and her kids wanted to go to the cheeta run. So they go to the cheetah run and that the trainer is like has a dog with her and she's like, oh, this is Tabitha. Tabitha is the cheetah and she's like, this is Tabitha's friend Mini. They were raised together and they are best friends and whatnot. So all of a sudden, they released this like pink bunny like that's like a stuffed animal or something, and it is on like a string or something, and the cheetah like launches after and starts chasing it and Glennon recognizes that the cheetah is just focused on getting this like dirty old rabbit, and it's just been trained to chase this rabbit and then it gets its reward, and that's it doesn't even realize the power or like the wild that it contains because it's just been raised in this cage to perform for these people, right, And so she talks about how I wrote these in my notes, So she just talks about how.

So she starts out the book and she's saying they go to the zoo and her kids wanted to go to the cheeta run. So they go to the cheetah run and that the trainer is like has a dog with her and she's like, oh, this is Tabitha. Tabitha is the cheetah and she's like, this is Tabitha's friend Mini. They were raised together and they are best friends and whatnot. So all of a sudden, they released this like pink bunny like that's like a stuffed animal or something, and it is on like a string or something, and the cheetah like launches after and starts chasing it and Glennon recognizes that the cheetah is just focused on getting this like dirty old rabbit, and it's just been trained to chase this rabbit and then it gets its reward, and that's it doesn't even realize the power or like the wild that it contains because it's just been raised in this cage to perform for these people, right, And so she talks about how I wrote these in my notes, So she just talks about how.

The cheetah just does what it's expected to do.

The cheetah just does what it's expected to do.

It just like does the things that it was taught and brought up to do, and it doesn't even realize the power that it holds if it just like remembered it's wild. So that's where the whole thing comes from, untamed, like this is a tamed wild animal. Yeah, And how we as people are tamed to go a train to just follow the bunny and chase the bunny and have our head down, not even look to the right or left, and just go on the path that we're taught to do.

It just like does the things that it was taught and brought up to do, and it doesn't even realize the power that it holds if it just like remembered it's wild. So that's where the whole thing comes from, untamed, like this is a tamed wild animal. Yeah, And how we as people are tamed to go a train to just follow the bunny and chase the bunny and have our head down, not even look to the right or left, and just go on the path that we're taught to do.

And I was like, oh my gosh, that really. I remember reading.

And I was like, oh my gosh, that really. I remember reading.

It the first time and being like, oh, I get that, but like for some reason, hearing it again this time I was like, that is so accurate to how I feel like for me, like how I lived my life was just like.

It the first time and being like, oh, I get that, but like for some reason, hearing it again this time I was like, that is so accurate to how I feel like for me, like how I lived my life was just like.

You're good. You're a good girl.

You're good. You're a good girl.

You follow the rules, you stay in this lane, you go after this goal, and that's what you do. You don't like look to the right or left. Yeah, And I was like, whoa, this is so good.

You follow the rules, you stay in this lane, you go after this goal, and that's what you do. You don't like look to the right or left. Yeah, And I was like, whoa, this is so good.

I can't believe you didn't read that part.

I can't believe you didn't read that part.

Yeah, prologue, you know, if it's really that important, it should be chapter one. Like the prologue to me is very throwaway.

Yeah, prologue, you know, if it's really that important, it should be chapter one. Like the prologue to me is very throwaway.

Well yeah, in those cases, I said, I don't really resonate in the sense of being like a wild animal or anything like that, but in the way of following rules and expectations that other people have of you.

Well yeah, in those cases, I said, I don't really resonate in the sense of being like a wild animal or anything like that, but in the way of following rules and expectations that other people have of you.

But that's the whole overarching, overarching theme of the book, is being untamed, so like how we all live our lives, not.

But that's the whole overarching, overarching theme of the book, is being untamed, so like how we all live our lives, not.

Being wild, we just do kind of.

Being wild, we just do kind of.

And what I found to be interesting was early on she said that at ten years old is when kids start to hide who they really are to fit society's ideals.

And what I found to be interesting was early on she said that at ten years old is when kids start to hide who they really are to fit society's ideals.

And I was like, that is so interesting.

And I was like, that is so interesting.

Because like when you're a kid and you don't really like realize what's going on, you are you're just so yourself, you know what I mean. And then there is a point where like when you start to wear do you you want to start to wear deodorant because you're like aware of like people saying people smell or like whatever, you start shaving, Yeah, you know what I mean. And it's like around ten.

Because like when you're a kid and you don't really like realize what's going on, you are you're just so yourself, you know what I mean. And then there is a point where like when you start to wear do you you want to start to wear deodorant because you're like aware of like people saying people smell or like whatever, you start shaving, Yeah, you know what I mean. And it's like around ten.

That's so funny because I literally wrote my notes like I don't have a memory. I don't have a memory of when because she talks about when they lose the spark is at ten years old, when you lose like the spark of just like being wild. Yeah, And I couldn't place a memory. But then when you just said that, it was I think I remember needing to shave because I was like, oh, I can't have I can't have hair on my legs.

That's so funny because I literally wrote my notes like I don't have a memory. I don't have a memory of when because she talks about when they lose the spark is at ten years old, when you lose like the spark of just like being wild. Yeah, And I couldn't place a memory. But then when you just said that, it was I think I remember needing to shave because I was like, oh, I can't have I can't have hair on my legs.

Yeah, like I remember that because that's like around sixth grade, and I remember maybe fifth grade, but I remember so specifically because I went to a Catholic school. I was Serbian Orthodox. I could not have been like more not like my classmates, you know what I mean. Like everybody was doing first communions and coming to school in the white dresses and my parents didn't know. So I was in like a white and blue dress, you know what I mean. Like I was that girl that was like in this school and was kind of not like everybody else, and that's all I wanted to be. I just wanted to be like everybody else, you know what I mean. Like I just wanted to be like that. And it's so crazy because now I'm really proud of like who I am and where I came from. But I remember then being like embarrassed that I had a slava and I didn't have a first communion and like all that stuff, you know what I mean. But like I remember feeling so much that and I wanted to fit in so bad. And everybody started shaving their legs at a certain age, and my parents wouldn't let me shave my legs. So I would go into the trash, like the bathroom trash and find like my sister's old razors that she like threw in there, or my mom's and I would use those. I would like hide them in a drawer in my room and I would use those to like dry shave my legs.

Yeah, like I remember that because that's like around sixth grade, and I remember maybe fifth grade, but I remember so specifically because I went to a Catholic school. I was Serbian Orthodox. I could not have been like more not like my classmates, you know what I mean. Like everybody was doing first communions and coming to school in the white dresses and my parents didn't know. So I was in like a white and blue dress, you know what I mean. Like I was that girl that was like in this school and was kind of not like everybody else, and that's all I wanted to be. I just wanted to be like everybody else, you know what I mean. Like I just wanted to be like that. And it's so crazy because now I'm really proud of like who I am and where I came from. But I remember then being like embarrassed that I had a slava and I didn't have a first communion and like all that stuff, you know what I mean. But like I remember feeling so much that and I wanted to fit in so bad. And everybody started shaving their legs at a certain age, and my parents wouldn't let me shave my legs. So I would go into the trash, like the bathroom trash and find like my sister's old razors that she like threw in there, or my mom's and I would use those. I would like hide them in a drawer in my room and I would use those to like dry shave my legs.

Yeah, isn't that crazy.

Yeah, isn't that crazy.

That's a very common experience.

That's a very common experience.

So my mom had that where she went to shave her legs and shaved it dry and just had cuts like up and down her leg Yeah, talk about.

So my mom had that where she went to shave her legs and shaved it dry and just had cuts like up and down her leg Yeah, talk about.

Yeah, I remember like so vividly.

Yeah, I remember like so vividly.

I remember feel it from the trash can, put it in a drawer in my room and like hide that I was shaving.

I remember feel it from the trash can, put it in a drawer in my room and like hide that I was shaving.

Well, so this is this is fascinating to me because so Robbie's kids are one of them's.

Well, so this is this is fascinating to me because so Robbie's kids are one of them's.

Ten eleven eleven. Okay, you talk about.

Ten eleven eleven. Okay, you talk about.

The difference in both of the boys and how one's so aware and the other one's just kind of.

The difference in both of the boys and how one's so aware and the other one's just kind of.

Like still kidty he has no Yeah.

Like still kidty he has no Yeah.

And that I thought about that when I was reading this, because I was like, oh my gosh, there's there is that shift where you're a kid and you have no worries or fears and everything's blissful. Yeah, and then there's a moment where things change and it's things is just so much more aware.

And that I thought about that when I was reading this, because I was like, oh my gosh, there's there is that shift where you're a kid and you have no worries or fears and everything's blissful. Yeah, and then there's a moment where things change and it's things is just so much more aware.

Yeah, Yeah, I've seen I can totally see it in the two of them. And that's what likes so crazy. I'm like, oh, I think she's onto something with this ten ten year old thing. Yeah, Glennon and those what's up?

Yeah, Yeah, I've seen I can totally see it in the two of them. And that's what likes so crazy. I'm like, oh, I think she's onto something with this ten ten year old thing. Yeah, Glennon and those what's up?

Well. She The way she talked about it was that when she met her wife, Abby, her Abby went to ask her mom for approval to propose to Glennon. Yeah, and her mom, with like tears in her eyes, was like, I see the spark again.

Well. She The way she talked about it was that when she met her wife, Abby, her Abby went to ask her mom for approval to propose to Glennon. Yeah, and her mom, with like tears in her eyes, was like, I see the spark again.

I haven't seen this she was ten.

I haven't seen this she was ten.

Yeah, yeah, I haven't seen her have the spark or feel this alive since she was ten. And that's when Glennon had this realization of like, does have Is that a universal thing that happens to everybody?

Yeah, yeah, I haven't seen her have the spark or feel this alive since she was ten. And that's when Glennon had this realization of like, does have Is that a universal thing that happens to everybody?

Yeah? It does?

Yeah? It does?

Yeah girl?

Yeah girl?

So sad Okay. So the next part that I really resonated with. So when she talks about meeting Abby, she says this was the first time.

So sad Okay. So the next part that I really resonated with. So when she talks about meeting Abby, she says this was the first time.

She said it was the first time.

She said it was the first time.

I chose something beyond what I had been trained to want, and I was like, whoa, that is exactly how I felt when I met Haley. And I remember thinking like, this could be very complicated in terms of my family, my background, my following, you know, but I'm going to choose myself. I'm going to choose this because it's the first time I like really really like feel like I want something.

I chose something beyond what I had been trained to want, and I was like, whoa, that is exactly how I felt when I met Haley. And I remember thinking like, this could be very complicated in terms of my family, my background, my following, you know, but I'm going to choose myself. I'm going to choose this because it's the first time I like really really like feel like I want something.

Yeah. I remember when we used to think you didn't have it in you.

Yeah. I remember when we used to think you didn't have it in you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I just like, oh, maybe.

Yeah, because I just like, oh, maybe.

Becca's just like not gonna love like this, like she's never gonna love like this.

Becca's just like not gonna love like this, like she's never gonna love like this.

And you know what, I think I was always content.

And you know what, I think I was always content.

I never experienced where I felt like miserable or I was unhappy or I didn't have happiness or joy around me.

I never experienced where I felt like miserable or I was unhappy or I didn't have happiness or joy around me.

I just think I was like content.

I just think I was like content.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I never knew the experience of like being so madly in love with someone, like wanting something so badly, I think until I met Hayley. And then I now I realize want a loss that is for people. Yeah, because it's like, yeah, you can live a life of being fine. It can be fine, it can be just good enough, but like you also can have a life with so much more.

I never knew the experience of like being so madly in love with someone, like wanting something so badly, I think until I met Hayley. And then I now I realize want a loss that is for people. Yeah, because it's like, yeah, you can live a life of being fine. It can be fine, it can be just good enough, but like you also can have a life with so much more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So and then she said creating a life with her was the first original idea I'd ever had in the first decision I made as a free woman.

So and then she said creating a life with her was the first original idea I'd ever had in the first decision I made as a free woman.

And I'm like, wow, Glennon.

And I'm like, wow, Glennon.

I think she was in her forties when she met Abby, Like, that's such a long time.

I think she was in her forties when she met Abby, Like, that's such a long time.

To live, like for other people. And it's reminded me that so many people live life just like their whole life is.

To live, like for other people. And it's reminded me that so many people live life just like their whole life is.

Lived and then they get to a certain age and they look back. I remember reading Evelyn Hugo actually, which might be our next book club for five years from.

Lived and then they get to a certain age and they look back. I remember reading Evelyn Hugo actually, which might be our next book club for five years from.

Now people get through this one and.

Now people get through this one and.

She the whole story is her kind of like looking back at her life, and she was like, I didn't.

She the whole story is her kind of like looking back at her life, and she was like, I didn't.

I realized like I was living.

I realized like I was living.

My life for other people, my whole life, and I was thinking, like what a sad. That was a moment where I go like, maybe I'm ready to come out with Haley because I don't want to live my life. I don't want to look back and be like, oh my gosh, I didn't share this part of my life that was so like beautiful and special because maybe I would disappoint people because they had different expectations for me, Like it felt so silly when you like put it into this like huge perspective.

My life for other people, my whole life, and I was thinking, like what a sad. That was a moment where I go like, maybe I'm ready to come out with Haley because I don't want to live my life. I don't want to look back and be like, oh my gosh, I didn't share this part of my life that was so like beautiful and special because maybe I would disappoint people because they had different expectations for me, Like it felt so silly when you like put it into this like huge perspective.

Yeah, So I really that section.

Yeah, So I really that section.

I was like, wow, it.

I was like, wow, it.

Is so interesting because I do think that a lot of people go a certain path, whether it's what they choose to do professionally or who they choose to marry or whatever it may be, because that's like the pressure that's put on them.

Is so interesting because I do think that a lot of people go a certain path, whether it's what they choose to do professionally or who they choose to marry or whatever it may be, because that's like the pressure that's put on them.

And then I think you do you get to an age where you're like, what did I do all this for?

And then I think you do you get to an age where you're like, what did I do all this for?

Yeah? Dark, because if you can say what did I do all this for?

Yeah? Dark, because if you can say what did I do all this for?

And your answer is I did this for other people's expectations, then you didn't live because you accommodated, right.

And your answer is I did this for other people's expectations, then you didn't live because you accommodated, right.

But you don't even realize it. No, you don't realize it.

But you don't even realize it. No, you don't realize it.

Yeah, that's why, like I've always been so you know, I've actually had some people message me being like, uh, you know, how can you support a modern woman that wants to stay at home but a stay at home mom? And I'm like, because being a modern woman is doing what you want no matter what anybody else thinks or wants of you. And if like some people, like some people want to be stay at home moms and like that's the desire of their heart, then that's what they should do.

Yeah, that's why, like I've always been so you know, I've actually had some people message me being like, uh, you know, how can you support a modern woman that wants to stay at home but a stay at home mom? And I'm like, because being a modern woman is doing what you want no matter what anybody else thinks or wants of you. And if like some people, like some people want to be stay at home moms and like that's the desire of their heart, then that's what they should do.

But I feel like a lot of people.

But I feel like a lot of people.

Don't want to do that, and that's the expectation that's put on them, and so sometimes they do, like they'll give up their career so that they that they can be a stay at home mom, and then they end up regretting it for the rest of their lives.

Don't want to do that, and that's the expectation that's put on them, and so sometimes they do, like they'll give up their career so that they that they can be a stay at home mom, and then they end up regretting it for the rest of their lives.

I think wanting to be right now in my life, I think wanting to be a stay at home mom is like one of the most.

I think wanting to be right now in my life, I think wanting to be a stay at home mom is like one of the most.

Like modern woman things you could ever do. I think that might be the hardest job. Yeah, I really do.

Like modern woman things you could ever do. I think that might be the hardest job. Yeah, I really do.

I fear sometimes we swung too hard the other way. It's because you know, I talk to women that like aren't career focused, and they always feel like, oh, I'm not accomplishing enough. Yeah yeah, I'm like, you don't have to.

I fear sometimes we swung too hard the other way. It's because you know, I talk to women that like aren't career focused, and they always feel like, oh, I'm not accomplishing enough. Yeah yeah, I'm like, you don't have to.

I don't know.

I don't know.

It makes me sad.

It makes me sad.

Yeah, I feel that.

Yeah, I feel that.

I agree, and I think we've swung in the I think we've swung in the opposite direction. And I think that if you are taking on raising children in this generation, in this world that we live in, I think you're taking on one of the biggest roles because you're literally raising and staying home with the next generation. And that's not to say if you are career focused and want to do it all that you can't. I'm just saying, like, I think we've almost that that's become a negative.

I agree, and I think we've swung in the I think we've swung in the opposite direction. And I think that if you are taking on raising children in this generation, in this world that we live in, I think you're taking on one of the biggest roles because you're literally raising and staying home with the next generation. And that's not to say if you are career focused and want to do it all that you can't. I'm just saying, like, I think we've almost that that's become a negative.

Thing is so twisted, and how we see things.

Thing is so twisted, and how we see things.

I'd like to be a hybrid.

I'd like to be a hybrid.

I see you as a hybrid. I think there's beautiful balance.

I see you as a hybrid. I think there's beautiful balance.

But I also think how consumed I was with my dog and still am, like I almost wanted to bring her today because I don't like leaving her. I can't imagine what it's going to be like with a baby. It's probably going to be times one billion, So yeah, mark this recording.

But I also think how consumed I was with my dog and still am, like I almost wanted to bring her today because I don't like leaving her. I can't imagine what it's going to be like with a baby. It's probably going to be times one billion, So yeah, mark this recording.

Yeah, this'll be one of those that people send us and they're like, remember when Tanya said that balance.

Yeah, this'll be one of those that people send us and they're like, remember when Tanya said that balance.

Let's take a break.

Let's take a break.

And then we're going to come back and talk about blowjobs section of the book.

And then we're going to come back and talk about blowjobs section of the book.

Yes, it is all right, all right, we are back.

Yes, it is all right, all right, we are back.

So the next section or part of the book was called blowjobs, which is a great conversation and I wanted to ask you about this because yeah, I.

So the next section or part of the book was called blowjobs, which is a great conversation and I wanted to ask you about this because yeah, I.

Know you do. But Glenning goes to her therapist.

Know you do. But Glenning goes to her therapist.

Not getting them giving them, Yeah that would be interesting.

Not getting them giving them, Yeah that would be interesting.

Yeah, thanks for clarifying that. Yeah, so Glennon, after she falls in love with Abby, she goes to her therapist and she goes, I've fallen in love with a woman. And even if in her therapist is like no, like this is not going to go anywhere. This is a horrible idea, Like you gotta you know, get out of this. And you have a husband or you're trying to work.

Yeah, thanks for clarifying that. Yeah, so Glennon, after she falls in love with Abby, she goes to her therapist and she goes, I've fallen in love with a woman. And even if in her therapist is like no, like this is not going to go anywhere. This is a horrible idea, Like you gotta you know, get out of this. And you have a husband or you're trying to work.

On your marriage. What is a phase? Is a phase?

On your marriage. What is a phase? Is a phase?

And the whole backstory which she didn't really get into this. I don't know how when what part she gets into this, but Glennon's husband cheated on her, and so they were her whole story with her books. Before she met Abby, they were like trying to rekindle their marriage and like stay together and get through with the kids, work through it. And so she tells her therapists She's like, I just get so angry, like I think I'm okay, and then he gets on top of me and I just feel filled with rage. I don't I can't. I can barely even lay there. I don't want to have sex with them. Like, even if I don't like move forward with Abby, what am I supposed to do about this feeling I have towards my husband?

And the whole backstory which she didn't really get into this. I don't know how when what part she gets into this, but Glennon's husband cheated on her, and so they were her whole story with her books. Before she met Abby, they were like trying to rekindle their marriage and like stay together and get through with the kids, work through it. And so she tells her therapists She's like, I just get so angry, like I think I'm okay, and then he gets on top of me and I just feel filled with rage. I don't I can't. I can barely even lay there. I don't want to have sex with them. Like, even if I don't like move forward with Abby, what am I supposed to do about this feeling I have towards my husband?

And what is the therapist say, Tanya, have you tried blowjob?

And what is the therapist say, Tanya, have you tried blowjob?

A lot of women say that they're less intimate and they can do that, And I'm like, this just goes to show you finding a good therapist is crucial because if that's her suggestion, that blew my mind. And this wasn't like twenty thirty years ago, this was pretty recent.

A lot of women say that they're less intimate and they can do that, And I'm like, this just goes to show you finding a good therapist is crucial because if that's her suggestion, that blew my mind. And this wasn't like twenty thirty years ago, this was pretty recent.

Within the decade.

Within the decade.

Yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

But also like if I went to my therapist and said I don't want to touch my husband and she said, have you tried blowjobs?

But also like if I went to my therapist and said I don't want to touch my husband and she said, have you tried blowjobs?

I'd be like give me my money back.

I'd be like give me my money back.

I just found it interesting in the sense that I know that you love them, but like most of my friends I talk to, they're kind of like, I mean, I'd rather sometimes just have sex and have to give a blow like that feels like more work, and like that feels like giving more.

I just found it interesting in the sense that I know that you love them, but like most of my friends I talk to, they're kind of like, I mean, I'd rather sometimes just have sex and have to give a blow like that feels like more work, and like that feels like giving more.

So I was you're hard to ask because you what you're generous.

So I was you're hard to ask because you what you're generous.

To me. It's less work to give a blowjob than to have sex.

To me. It's less work to give a blowjob than to have sex.

Well, I guess that's how the therapist felt.

Well, I guess that's how the therapist felt.

Yeah, like, do you find it to be less intimate?

Yeah, like, do you find it to be less intimate?

Interesting question. I don't find it to be less intimate. I do find it to be a different type of intimate. I do think sex is more intimate.

Interesting question. I don't find it to be less intimate. I do find it to be a different type of intimate. I do think sex is more intimate.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So maybe she's saying.

So maybe she's saying.

Is it's more mechanical the blowjob, Yeah yeah, yeah, the means to an.

Is it's more mechanical the blowjob, Yeah yeah, yeah, the means to an.

End your job is in it.

End your job is in it.

It's not like there's like a loving exchange of eyes, like we don't make eye contact, you know, could you imagine now?

It's not like there's like a loving exchange of eyes, like we don't make eye contact, you know, could you imagine now?

I honestly, yeah, that's exactly what I imagine for you.

I honestly, yeah, that's exactly what I imagine for you.

Just like why that's so the thought of that makes me want to cry.

Just like why that's so the thought of that makes me want to cry.

Wish it is.

Wish it is.

Less intimate though, So she is right with something, But I just.

Less intimate though, So she is right with something, But I just.

Can't imagine feeling.

Can't imagine feeling.

I can't imagine saying like I'm having a really hard time connecting with someone and like like being intimate with someone in this suggestion is to give a blowjob. I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah, that's like never gonna happen.

I can't imagine saying like I'm having a really hard time connecting with someone and like like being intimate with someone in this suggestion is to give a blowjob. I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah, that's like never gonna happen.

No.

No.

So, needless to say, I'm assuming that maybe she's not with that therapist, or I don't want to make it up.

So, needless to say, I'm assuming that maybe she's not with that therapist, or I don't want to make it up.

I would hope or maybe let this be a lesson to us all that a good therapist is key.

I would hope or maybe let this be a lesson to us all that a good therapist is key.

Key.

Key.

So the next topic was the Golden Girls in high school.

So the next topic was the Golden Girls in high school.

I think I can't remember when the ones, Yeah, the Golden Ones, but I can't remember what the I think it was called tick marks.

I think I can't remember when the ones, Yeah, the Golden Ones, but I can't remember what the I think it was called tick marks.

Yeah, tick marks because.

Yeah, tick marks because.

She she cheated and uh did the marked herself to be on the homecoming court?

She she cheated and uh did the marked herself to be on the homecoming court?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah yeah. To me, the concept of the Golden Ones was like the popular kids in high.

Yeah yeah. To me, the concept of the Golden Ones was like the popular kids in high.

School mm hmm. And I thought I wanted to talk.

School mm hmm. And I thought I wanted to talk.

About like high school, like were you one of the Golden Ones in high school?

About like high school, like were you one of the Golden Ones in high school?

I think, my whole life I've been a golden One. But not in a way where I'm like bragging. I knew you were gonna say that, Not in a way of like bragging being the popular girl, but more and like I knew what to do to get approval from people. So like I knew how to act to have approval for my teachers, I knew how to act to have approval from everyone in my life. I knew how to be the best student. I just knew how to be the golden child. Child, Yeah, the golden one. So I went to a really small school, Like I graduated with thirty people. So I I did make homecoming court and I was homecoming queen.

I think, my whole life I've been a golden One. But not in a way where I'm like bragging. I knew you were gonna say that, Not in a way of like bragging being the popular girl, but more and like I knew what to do to get approval from people. So like I knew how to act to have approval for my teachers, I knew how to act to have approval from everyone in my life. I knew how to be the best student. I just knew how to be the golden child. Child, Yeah, the golden one. So I went to a really small school, Like I graduated with thirty people. So I I did make homecoming court and I was homecoming queen.

You were homecoming queens, yes.

You were homecoming queens, yes.

But like.

But like.

School, and so I felt.

School, and so I felt.

Queen as a ride Wow in the presence of royalty royalty, I thought you were going to bring me a crown or something.

Queen as a ride Wow in the presence of royalty royalty, I thought you were going to bring me a crown or something.

But I when I was listening to it, I was like thinking about how that's perceived when you talk about it, Because when I think of high school, I don't think of I think high school for some people like dictates how the rest of their life is going to be like they are who they are in high school forever. And I never thought of high school that way. I thought of high school as like this is that time. I loved it and it didn't make or break me.

But I when I was listening to it, I was like thinking about how that's perceived when you talk about it, Because when I think of high school, I don't think of I think high school for some people like dictates how the rest of their life is going to be like they are who they are in high school forever. And I never thought of high school that way. I thought of high school as like this is that time. I loved it and it didn't make or break me.

I don't think.

I don't think.

You know, it's interesting because like I feel like my life was an extension of my high school experience experience, and I'll tell you why I was not a golden one. I was not a golden one, but I was beloved by the golden ones. Does that make sense?

You know, it's interesting because like I feel like my life was an extension of my high school experience experience, and I'll tell you why I was not a golden one. I was not a golden one, but I was beloved by the golden ones. Does that make sense?

That's what Glen Glennon said. She was.

That's what Glen Glennon said. She was.

Yeah, So like they were, you know, the cheerleaders and the jocks were kind of like the cool popular kids in high school. I was always, like I still was the tawny that I am now, always super expressives, super high energy. I was on ASB I was spirit commissioner, like I was all the same type of that you see now. But the biggest, like football player, the biggest jock on our high school team is name's John Hale. And he was like the most popular kid in school. And he and I were like family, Like he loved me. I was like a little sister to him.

Yeah, So like they were, you know, the cheerleaders and the jocks were kind of like the cool popular kids in high school. I was always, like I still was the tawny that I am now, always super expressives, super high energy. I was on ASB I was spirit commissioner, like I was all the same type of that you see now. But the biggest, like football player, the biggest jock on our high school team is name's John Hale. And he was like the most popular kid in school. And he and I were like family, Like he loved me. I was like a little sister to him.

And so.

And so.

Because of that, I feel like everybody I was very beloved. Like everybody signed up to be in my musical Synergy Club, Like the whole football team signed up to be in it, even though like nobody ever came to the meetings. Everybody signed up because of like him, you know what I mean. Yeah, So it's interesting because I was never like a golden one. So I was like I was on golden adjacent, golden adjacent, And that's why I feel like I kind of am now, Like I'm not like a cool girl, but like I'm adjacent, I'm in the pool.

Because of that, I feel like everybody I was very beloved. Like everybody signed up to be in my musical Synergy Club, Like the whole football team signed up to be in it, even though like nobody ever came to the meetings. Everybody signed up because of like him, you know what I mean. Yeah, So it's interesting because I was never like a golden one. So I was like I was on golden adjacent, golden adjacent, And that's why I feel like I kind of am now, Like I'm not like a cool girl, but like I'm adjacent, I'm in the pool.

Well, I think around as you think of yourself as the cool girl, you're not cool anymore, right, Like as soon as you think.

Well, I think around as you think of yourself as the cool girl, you're not cool anymore, right, Like as soon as you think.

I think, the cool girls know they're the cool girls.

I think, the cool girls know they're the cool girls.

But that to me makes them not cool.

But that to me makes them not cool.

But they're still cool subjectively. Objectively, yes, cool girls are so cool. No, Like the cool girls know they're the cool girls.

But they're still cool subjectively. Objectively, yes, cool girls are so cool. No, Like the cool girls know they're the cool girls.

Yeah, but to me, knowing that you're the cool girl makes you less cool.

Yeah, but to me, knowing that you're the cool girl makes you less cool.

Not really, though, I.

Not really, though, I.

Think so so truly cool girls don't know they're cool.

Think so so truly cool girls don't know they're cool.

Like the Alex Earl knows she's cool, doesn't make her less cool.

Like the Alex Earl knows she's cool, doesn't make her less cool.

I don't think she thinks of herself is cool.

I don't think she thinks of herself is cool.

I think she knows that she's loved and popular, but I don't think she thinks. I think she's self deprecating and doesn't take herself seriously.

I think she knows that she's loved and popular, but I don't think she thinks. I think she's self deprecating and doesn't take herself seriously.

Oh wow, Okay, you.

Oh wow, Okay, you.

Know what I'm saying.

Know what I'm saying.

Like I think alex Earl knows that she's love. She has like millions of followers, and that's people try to imitate everything she does. But she's also very comes across, very down to earth. It doesn't take herself seriously, shows her vulnerabilities, Like I don't think of her thinking she's too cool for anybody.

Like I think alex Earl knows that she's love. She has like millions of followers, and that's people try to imitate everything she does. But she's also very comes across, very down to earth. It doesn't take herself seriously, shows her vulnerabilities, Like I don't think of her thinking she's too cool for anybody.

It's just my take.

It's just my take.

Speaking of someone in the scrubbing in group remembered you from Spanish class.

Speaking of someone in the scrubbing in group remembered you from Spanish class.

Yeah, wait, let me let me say I can find it. It was such a thrillancy remember performances.

Yeah, wait, let me let me say I can find it. It was such a thrillancy remember performances.

I can't rememb she didn't remember. She remembered you talking about it.

I can't rememb she didn't remember. She remembered you talking about it.

She remembers a lot of Shakira talk. But here we go, this is Alexa Drumma or maybe that's her married. I went to high school with Tanya and was just listening to her talking about singing Shakira in Spanish class. The only memory I really have of her is the one day I was in her Spanish class before I got transferred out. I don't remember her singing, but she was definitely talking about Shakira and then ask her if there's anyone else in the group from Lo Sal and there's a There's a lot of comments on this. Oh my gosh, when'd you graduate?

She remembers a lot of Shakira talk. But here we go, this is Alexa Drumma or maybe that's her married. I went to high school with Tanya and was just listening to her talking about singing Shakira in Spanish class. The only memory I really have of her is the one day I was in her Spanish class before I got transferred out. I don't remember her singing, but she was definitely talking about Shakira and then ask her if there's anyone else in the group from Lo Sal and there's a There's a lot of comments on this. Oh my gosh, when'd you graduate?

What a year? I think two thousand and.

What a year? I think two thousand and.

Five Katie Smith, class of five, I'm sure. And then people were asking, can you speak about the apples being thrown at people's heads or no?

Five Katie Smith, class of five, I'm sure. And then people were asking, can you speak about the apples being thrown at people's heads or no?

Oh right?

Oh right?

What were they saying?

What were they saying?

Uh?

Uh?

No, clue what that's referring to. But if it's a Spanish class thing, I was only there for one day, she said, people throw apples at her head. That's cool. I'm just I'm sorry I forgot about this. U No one knows what what you're talking about? The apples?

No, clue what that's referring to. But if it's a Spanish class thing, I was only there for one day, she said, people throw apples at her head. That's cool. I'm just I'm sorry I forgot about this. U No one knows what what you're talking about? The apples?

Uh?

Uh?

Yeah, find Kelly Peterson in there, she'll know was talking about.

Yeah, find Kelly Peterson in there, she'll know was talking about.

This.

This.

Person also says you used to sing the one Try Hill theme song a lot. Wait is Gavin de Gras? How's that song going?

Person also says you used to sing the one Try Hill theme song a lot. Wait is Gavin de Gras? How's that song going?

I have a do is think of me and Pizza Mine? That's funny. I gotta get in that thread.

I have a do is think of me and Pizza Mine? That's funny. I gotta get in that thread.

Yeah, it's a good thing. I know you're locked out of Facebook.

Yeah, it's a good thing. I know you're locked out of Facebook.

Thrown was so funny. Oh my god.

Thrown was so funny. Oh my god.

The fact that that girl was only my Spanish class for one day makes sense because I did perform.

The fact that that girl was only my Spanish class for one day makes sense because I did perform.

I believe that you performed. But the fact that she even just remembers the one day, that one day I think confirms that you're being honest about your performances.

I believe that you performed. But the fact that she even just remembers the one day, that one day I think confirms that you're being honest about your performances.

Yeah, And it wasn't like the apples. It wasn't like a mass apple throwing of like the seniors to all the sophomores. It was like my specific little group. So it was like an apple here and there. It wasn't like a mass apple throwing.

Yeah, And it wasn't like the apples. It wasn't like a mass apple throwing of like the seniors to all the sophomores. It was like my specific little group. So it was like an apple here and there. It wasn't like a mass apple throwing.

And just to clarify because it's been a wile since I just go to the apples. It was a whole apple.

And just to clarify because it's been a wile since I just go to the apples. It was a whole apple.

Yeah, it or like a bite out of it, like it was like, yeah, a whole apple.

Yeah, it or like a bite out of it, like it was like, yeah, a whole apple.

Is that called like legit?

Is that called like legit?

Yeah, it's a serious projectile.

Yeah, it's a serious projectile.

Yeah, that's a lawsuit.

Yeah, that's a lawsuit.

I know.

I know.

Was it Red Delicious? Granny Smith? Do you remember?

Was it Red Delicious? Granny Smith? Do you remember?

I honestly don't.

I honestly don't.

Did you ever get hit?

Did you ever get hit?

No?

No?

I didn't get you dodged them, I dodged them. Kelly Peterson did she get hit?

I didn't get you dodged them, I dodged them. Kelly Peterson did she get hit?

Yeah?

Yeah?

We should call it Kelly Peters.

We should call it Kelly Peters.

I wonder I think I do still follow her.

I wonder I think I do still follow her.

I think I like randomly was messaging her on Instagram about it.

I think I like randomly was messaging her on Instagram about it.

Do you remember the apples?

Do you remember the apples?

Can't forget that, You'll never forget happened to you. That's not something that would be my personality. That would be an extension of my life, yes, correct, post high school.

Can't forget that, You'll never forget happened to you. That's not something that would be my personality. That would be an extension of my life, yes, correct, post high school.

Yeah, now, just dodging them, you know, like they can throw bricks. We'll constantly trying.

Yeah, now, just dodging them, you know, like they can throw bricks. We'll constantly trying.

I could throw make castles out of the bricks they threw at me.

I could throw make castles out of the bricks they threw at me.

Damn.

Damn.

Well, she rounds out the whole thing of saying they were telling, they were telling votes for homecoming court. Yeah, and she needed two more to be on court, and she was just shocked that she was even that close, and so she made her She ticked two more for herself and got on the court and all of a sudden she was on the homecoming court. And she was saying, she was like, the part that made me sad wasn't really that I did that. It was the desperation to be loved, Yeah, you know, did to be accepted popular.

Well, she rounds out the whole thing of saying they were telling, they were telling votes for homecoming court. Yeah, and she needed two more to be on court, and she was just shocked that she was even that close, and so she made her She ticked two more for herself and got on the court and all of a sudden she was on the homecoming court. And she was saying, she was like, the part that made me sad wasn't really that I did that. It was the desperation to be loved, Yeah, you know, did to be accepted popular.

Yeah, isn't that crazy?

Yeah, isn't that crazy?

It's crazy?

It's crazy?

And I I think that that's why a lot of people there is that extension for my school, because if you think about it, middle school and high school are kind of like your formative years of how yeah you're treated and how you treat people. Correct, And I think if if you're treated like someone who didn't feel like they were enough or couldn't be part of the popular group. That's always gonna be deep within you. Even if you're able to like move on and like have success, I think there's always going to be that feeling of like I need to prove myself. I feel like Taylor Swift has done that, Like she's written about how she wasn't like part of the popular group, and I think that it's like she still has a.

And I I think that that's why a lot of people there is that extension for my school, because if you think about it, middle school and high school are kind of like your formative years of how yeah you're treated and how you treat people. Correct, And I think if if you're treated like someone who didn't feel like they were enough or couldn't be part of the popular group. That's always gonna be deep within you. Even if you're able to like move on and like have success, I think there's always going to be that feeling of like I need to prove myself. I feel like Taylor Swift has done that, Like she's written about how she wasn't like part of the popular group, and I think that it's like she still has a.

Fuel, like she has to keep going h and approved. Yeah, it gives you like a chip on your shoulder, but like that chip can be used for.

Fuel, like she has to keep going h and approved. Yeah, it gives you like a chip on your shoulder, but like that chip can be used for.

Good, yeah or evil. Yeah, the choice is yours.

Good, yeah or evil. Yeah, the choice is yours.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Luckily Taylor's using it for good.

Luckily Taylor's using it for good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I thought that was an interesting conversation, and I thought that.

But I thought that was an interesting conversation, and I thought that.

Basically the whole the whole consensus, at least of the part that we read, was that like, we have this one life, which I already touched on, and we live it for other people and other people's expectations, and it's not worth it, Like and I don't know, like when you get to I don't know if it's something monumental happening in your life, like for me it was when I met Hayley. Yeah, but I always think like had I not met Haley, would there ever have been another thing that happened in my life where I changed the pad to choose for myself, you know, and you know.

Basically the whole the whole consensus, at least of the part that we read, was that like, we have this one life, which I already touched on, and we live it for other people and other people's expectations, and it's not worth it, Like and I don't know, like when you get to I don't know if it's something monumental happening in your life, like for me it was when I met Hayley. Yeah, but I always think like had I not met Haley, would there ever have been another thing that happened in my life where I changed the pad to choose for myself, you know, and you know.

What I'm gonna do.

What I'm gonna do.

I didn't do it this time, but I when I read the book the first time.

I didn't do it this time, but I when I read the book the first time.

I did too.

I did too.

I read the actual book, and I would highlight some of the like cause some of the one liners are so singy, and I want to bring those because I do feel like those are really impactful even if you haven't read the book. So next time we do the next couple, I'll highlight them.

I read the actual book, and I would highlight some of the like cause some of the one liners are so singy, and I want to bring those because I do feel like those are really impactful even if you haven't read the book. So next time we do the next couple, I'll highlight them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I also think that.

Yeah, I also think that.

I also think that if you find something that fulfills you and it is on the path of expectation that people had for you, and you're happy and you find joy in it, I don't think that's a negative thing. Look, I never want to feel make people feel like if they don't have this like monumental shift in their life, that they're doing something wrong. But I do think there's a lot of people who settle in life for other people's expectations.

I also think that if you find something that fulfills you and it is on the path of expectation that people had for you, and you're happy and you find joy in it, I don't think that's a negative thing. Look, I never want to feel make people feel like if they don't have this like monumental shift in their life, that they're doing something wrong. But I do think there's a lot of people who settle in life for other people's expectations.

People will go to college when they don't want to go to college.

People will go to college when they don't want to go to college.

That's someth It's just like personal life, it's work, it's every aspect of your life. And I also think that it's okay if if the things that you were taught to do and it's taught to believe, if those fulfill you and you feel like you're living your life at its best potential, that's a beautiful thing too.

That's someth It's just like personal life, it's work, it's every aspect of your life. And I also think that it's okay if if the things that you were taught to do and it's taught to believe, if those fulfill you and you feel like you're living your life at its best potential, that's a beautiful thing too.

I just never I think sometimes we're.

I just never I think sometimes we're.

Like, you have to do your own thing and be your own person and step out of what you were taught, and that's not for everybody. I saw Noah Khan, you know, no a con Yeah, I love him. I love his music. But he has a song called You're Going to Go Far, and it's kind of like people have been posting videos of them like leaving home and like going and forging their own path and saying like they almost feel guilty leaving their family behind and that it's hard to like not feel guilt over like your parents getting older or whatnot. And this girl posted that she was like, I I wish I could relate to the song, but I stayed in my small town and I'm a teacher and I did everything that I was to do. And he commented and he was like, it's okay to stay And I was like, what a beautiful like relief of like simple words of saying like, it's also okay to not go off and do something huge, right, but to make an impact where you are.

Like, you have to do your own thing and be your own person and step out of what you were taught, and that's not for everybody. I saw Noah Khan, you know, no a con Yeah, I love him. I love his music. But he has a song called You're Going to Go Far, and it's kind of like people have been posting videos of them like leaving home and like going and forging their own path and saying like they almost feel guilty leaving their family behind and that it's hard to like not feel guilt over like your parents getting older or whatnot. And this girl posted that she was like, I I wish I could relate to the song, but I stayed in my small town and I'm a teacher and I did everything that I was to do. And he commented and he was like, it's okay to stay And I was like, what a beautiful like relief of like simple words of saying like, it's also okay to not go off and do something huge, right, but to make an impact where you are.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I'll leave you with that.

So I'll leave you with that.

Wow, that's a great way to end it.

Wow, that's a great way to end it.

And we'll be back next week with five more chapters.

And we'll be back next week with five more chapters.

Okay, so we're gonna do Dragons to Imagine, Imagine, Dragons.

Okay, so we're gonna do Dragons to Imagine, Imagine, Dragons.

Dragon to Imagine. Wow.

Dragon to Imagine. Wow.

Yeah, I love that song. That song gets me, so it's so good.

Yeah, I love that song. That song gets me, so it's so good.

Okay, So Dragons to Imagine, and we will be back with the recap and we love you so much and so talk to you next week.

Okay, So Dragons to Imagine, and we will be back with the recap and we love you so much and so talk to you next week.

Can't wait.

Can't wait.

Love you so much, babe,

Love you so much, babe,