Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Rad and I Heart Radio and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody, it is not Becca's voice again. We are songs Becca. It is Tanya here, and we have called in a very very special guest co host that goes by the name of Brad Garski. I was just about t L. B Rad. Yeah, I was gonna say b Rad. But a lot of a lot of Scrubbers have said that sometimes we don't do the best job of setting setting up our guests because we'll just like bring people in and might be like, oh my gosh, probably don't really like say who they are. Hey, everyone, it's Bradeski. So if I said be Rad, if somebody's listening there, like what so now so Brad Garski a k A b Rad a k A to my t Rad one of my BFFs and other half, Um he is. I mean, you're just like multifacet You can't even you know how like people try and um read your bio before you know what I mean, like to describe who you are. Who you are I use that with finger quotes. Yeah, and your accomplishments correct, But you do so many things like where do you like, what's your what's your favorite accomplishment? Oh wow, well I recently had my star chart read like like by an astrologer. So the reason why I'm saying this is because, um, my business sense is in my Gemini is in like the one of like the house of career. Basically I can't remember what number it is, but I am a person who likes to be doing multiple things at once, and you are that. Yeah, she got it right, because what she said was that I I thrive when I'm doing two tasks at the same time, which is true, Like I can be on the phone, but I can also be baking at the same time. But if I'm just sitting on the phone again, Nancy. Interesting. But I guess my biggest I don't know, I think right now, I think my biggest accomplishment is having celebrated twenty years with my husband, Like that's probably that's probably like my biggest accomplishment. We were talking about it the other a few nights ago and just you know, longevity and relationships just in the modern world now and you know, making it through uh you know, lockdown and all of those things together. And at twenty years we're still we still look forward to being with each other the most, which is a really nice thing. Honestly. Okay, you can. Let's dive into that first, because well, no, I feel like you, Like, if I were to describe you, it's like you you're so many things. You are a TV TV on our personality. You are a stylist, you are a fashionista, you are a yogi, you are a um, a baker, You're I mean, I love that you threw yogi in there, as I was thinking, well, I was, I don't think i've updated you that peloton has taken the place of yoga. Yeah, well you know, pre pandemic, I was all yoga, yoga, yoga. But now group classes to me are like a hard no, like not happening, not happening for Brad, whatever floats your bou but for Brad, a group class is not happening. So I got a Peloton um in February and I'm like, I'm literally I'm obsessed with it. Okay, so cyclist, cyclist, cyclist. You also now are a um how do you say it? Animated character? Voice over actor? M I'm a voice over actor. Ward. Yeah, So we're going to get into all those things. We're going to start with your relationship with Gary, because I am I mean, I feel like I tell you this all the time. I'm obsessed with both of you because I think that you are very very strong individually, uh, and very very strong as a couple. And I think that's I mean, as an outsider, that seems to be like a really big key and a big factor into what makes you both thrive in your relationship because you're independently so strong and good on your own and so together you're like even better. Yeah, well everything is meant to Um, you know, we we have independent careers and we have independent lives, but everything that we do serve the greater good as for us as a couple, you know. So in terms of like I was talking to a friend this weekend who's in a relationship, and um, they were expressing to me that, you know, they were kind of going off in different directions. Um, these two people were going off in different directions, and because work was getting busy and all these things, and I was like, well, hold on a second, Like it's okay to let your partner go and be busy with work, Like you can slip into the number two position for a little bit and let them focus on work and let them, you know, be fulfilled that way, because we've always done that in our relationship where you know, Gary did a show in London and lived there for you know, like six months on and off for two years, and I just I, um, you know, have traveled so much for work, and we've been together and separate. But all of those things are important for us to do individually, to fulfill ourselves creatively, but the mission behind it is to serve the greater good of us in our lives together. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense? It totally makes sense. And you know, what's something that's really interesting. And I don't even know if you realize how much of an impact this had on me. This was a while ago. I can't remember the time now to me is just like like I don't even know, just flies by it. So I have no idea when you told me this, but I remember you saying something to me. This was like, um, in the middle of I can't remember if it was like right when Red Star and I got back together when we were broken up, but it was somewhere in that in that space where you were like you put so much emphasis on um, your partner or that or love, like because that's like what you want. And he was like, you said, I can't remember exactly how you said it, but it hit me like a ton of bricks because it was so true. It's like I have always wanted to do life with somebody and like wanted this partner, and now that I have found him, I was putting so much pressure on that relationship to be the everything, and like everybody else is like when you guys, do you know all these all these outside pressures of things that I'm not even thinking about right now. But then I would bring it in because I just felt I felt it all so much, and I was like, wow, Brad's so right. I just have to just make it a part. It's like a beautiful part of my life. It's just a part. It's not the everything. And like I don't know why, it like really really hit me and I was like, wow, like I really sat on it for a while. I can't remember exactly what do you remember you ever? Do you remember what you said said to me? Well, I mean, I I do kind of believe in not making, you know, put pressure on the person that you're with because it's just that type of pressure where they're like the be all and the end all and the only person that matters in the universe. Mind you. When we first met, that was exactly my mindset, you know. I was twenty three years old, and I was like, we're going to be together forever, and he's like, we might not be and I was like whoa, whoa, whoa wa wa wa whoa, Like this is a forever thing, like we're gonna do this for the rest of our lives. And he's like, no, we're gonna do this for like as long as it lasts, and it might be a year and it might be six months. But I can't promise you that we're going to be in this forever because that's just not fair to me. And while I remember being so upset because you know, like we're I feel like I grew up on like rom coms and like all those where everything is supposed to be forever and you live happily ever after and that's it. But that's like not real life. And so I think I was also too young to absorb. For me, I was too young to absorb what that meant, but what it kind of meant was like, let it be what it's going to be for now, and if it grows into something else, then great, you know, And you know we've managed to put together over twenty years of days together just by the whole point is about being with somebody, right, so whatever that moment is, as long as your present and being with that person in the moment as opposed to like, you know, it's nice to project and like have goals together as a couple and you know, be like I would love to be able to do this with you and blah blah blah blah instead of you know, kind of like a weird um arrangement of accumulating material stuff and like things and how that's going to make us feel as opposed to just being with the person day to day. And you know, we also try not to fight, We try not to have big disagreements. We we and really enjoy being with each other. And I think that's that's the main thing, that's like the key, that's the ticket to it all it is. And then when something like a pandemic hits and you're like locked down with the person that you're with, I think that's why some people survived and some people didn't because if you like being with the person that you're with, then it was okay. And if you don't, then it was a really big, like rude awakening that like what am I doing with my life? Yeah, but I think that's like I think that you hit the nail on the head. It was being happy in the day to day in the moment. I can't. I have such a hard time doing that. Yeah, we all do, because I'm like, Okay, now that I have you know this, what's the next for us? We have to do this, and then I have to do this, and it's like I can't just be Well. The other side of that is being addicted to being busy, right, So it's like that I suffered from that too, because when the brakes got put on, or when work is slow or something, I'm like, what's going on? You know, why aren't I flying to Paris? And then I was supposed to go to Paris and then New York and then here and then there. I gotta come home for a day and change up my bag and a little little like this whole like rat race thing, and and you know, having everything kind of just like slowed down and get stripped down back to basics. It was like okay, and like now I don't want to go anywhere. Yeah, yeah, You're like, I'm pretty cozy. I like you here just on my peloton. Yeah, oh yeah, I love it. All I need is my peloton, you know, go to the gym for an hour and I'm good. But I just honestly, I feel like I tell you this all the time, and I almost wish that like you and Gary could do some sort of I know you don't consider yourself a relationship expert, but I mean being together with twenty years of like a an amazing accomplishment, and I feel like you have a lot of wisdom to share. Yeah, I mean I think it also just boils down to compatibility, like we're just we're like good together, you know. That's that's that's also like the secret sauce. It's like I found the person that like matches me in so many ways and we're so but we're also so different, Like we're not similar people at all at all. So it is maybe like an opposite the tract thing, but we're not so opposite that it's like what are you doing? Like I don't understand you totally get Yeah, like I get him, but we're not the same person, even though sometimes his mom confuses our voice on the phone. But that's fine, okay. But I actually do want to ask you because I never I didn't really so you met Red Star for the first time, and I didn't really get your birthday bday. I met him at your quarantine birthday and my quarantine birthday, and I didn't really get to like pick your brain on what you thought, because like this whole time, you've just heard we talk about him, and you've just heard me talk about him, but now you actually met him, spent a little time with him, and yeah, your name. First of all, he's a great host, like everybody, like hosting is not easy, especially for your group of friends. Not that we're all difficult, but we're like, you know, we're a little wild. We're a big personality, and everybody has like their own thing. It's like I don't eat this, I don't drink this, I don't do this. Um, he's he's wonderful. I mean, I think just I I enjoyed spending time with him so much. He was a great host, and we had he put together such a beautiful birthday for you, and he was he was like my like energy level, do you know what I mean? Like he's just my energy, like totally connected with his right away because he's not like fussy and like like pushing or like trying too hard, like he just is. So it was just so easy to just like be with him and hang out and like enjoy the dinner and enjoy you and celebrate you, and it was it was super fun. I really I really like him a lot. So it's a big ya big that makes me so happy because like so when all the all, I was like really really shocked because I still thought you were in New York. So I was like like els, And then I was like how did he get your number? Like he didn't have half of the people there, he didn't have half of their numbers, and he just did all. He just handled it and got in touch with everybody, and he was like Brad was just like the easiest chills person to like get get here. It was just like yep, be there Sea when what time? Don't mean where? And it was just like very Brad. So me, but also who was the first one there? Because I missedread the text me which was like there, oh my god, I was there, so early, a very on brand, very The text basically said something about like don't be later than I thought. It read don't be later than six o'clock because I'm picking her up between six and six thirty and I want everybody to be there. So I got there at like five five or whatever and was like the only person there, like was basically helping set up the bar where. And then people started rolling in at six thirty and I'm like, what text did you guys get? Like? How did I misinterpret this? I mean, I just like I think Sherome was number. No, it was Sisney and then Cherome. Yeah, And I was so happy to have people there, but I was like, I was really I was ready to surprise you. I like literally, uh, the whole thing was just really really special and like getting to see him kind of interact especially I feel like with you for some reason, it just like really melted my heart, like the whole time. I feel like I was just like crying the whole night. It was just really really special. It was so good. I was I was really happy that I could be there, and it was really nice to see everybody and get to spend time with him and just see you so happy, So that makes me happy. Well, okay, we're I want to take a quick break, and then when we come back, I want to talk about working with your significant other because I feel like you and Gary do a lot of that. Yeah, we're trying, and so I want to talk about the pros and cons if you like it, what you like about it, and all that stuff coming up. Okay, we are back with Brad Gareski, and I just also want to say thank you so much. Brad is like the ultimate friend because I think I hit him up maybe two hours ago and said I need a guest co host, please help, and you were like yes, you just said anytime. So thank you for your time. I appreciate you always and just being so like consistent and just there and down. So it's the scrubbers, dude, Come on, it's the scrubbers, and they've been missing you. We really haven't scrubbed in a while, so this is just it's serendipitous. I love the Scrubber, so I'm happy to be here. Okay, so this Grubbers. We're always talking about new TV shows, and there is a new one that's streaming on HBO Max right now that your husband created so I okay. So first of all, it's called The Prince and it's all about Prince George, and it's Gary literally created this character on his own, just like an Instagram, right, Yeah, so it came from his instagram. Means that you know, started maybe I don't want to say, like four or five years ago, and um, so the animated series, uh is inspired by that. And so it's about the Royal family through Prince George's eyes. So the whole Royal family, um is in it. And uh yeah, it just starts streaming on HBO Max. It's short form animation, so the episodes are between like twelve and fourteen minutes long. Um. All the episodes are available right now, and it's like an incredible cast. Gary does the voice of George. Do you know that It took me a minute to figure that out. Oh, you watched it. I watched the first I've watched in the first episode and I was like, I knew who was on the list of like the names of people on it. I didn't realize that Gary was voicing it. And then I was like, who's print And I was like, oh my gosh, that's it was when he was talking about Kelly Rippa. It was like during that and I was like, oh, this is Gary's voice. Yes, so Gary's Prince George. Orlando Bloom is Prince Harry Condola Rashad is Megan markle Um. Oh when the Prince George's butler is played by Alan Cumming. Turner plays Charlotte's breadcast. Yeah, we love Sophie. It's um and it's super fun and funny and it's it's been nice that people have been binging it and loving it and laughing and enjoying it. So um. I'm really proud of him. At first, I saw the episodes were so short, and I was like, why are they so short? And then I watched it and I was like, it's the perfect amount of time, literally, totally the perfect amount of time. It really is, and you can burn through. I mean I did one episode and I stopped myself. But it's like you can literally just do if you want to see, if you want to binge, you can just watch them all. But if you want, I like watching stuff one episode at a time. Yeah, well this is very If you're definitely like in the mood to stay in and binge something, this is the show for you. I had so many people reach out to me, texting and d m NG saying that they sat down to watch it and finished the whole thing in one sitting. Um, A couple of people have watched it twice, like it's very addictive and super funny and so funny. It's really funny. Wait, you haven't even I mean the episodes just get it's it's really hilarious. I just love that, like that he will like you, oh, yeah, I'm on it. I'm actually on it twice. Which episodes? Um, so I am on I believe it's episode five and then I think like episode seven or eight. And was he like I have an idea I want to have you on what do you think? Or was he like I did this, I want you to do it, you have to do it. No, it was more like a conversation of you know, when he was writing the episodes, he was like, I have this idea of you being Georgia's stylist. Would you be into it? And I'm like, yeah, totally, let's do it. Um. And so he obviously wrote it actually his his uh uh. He wrote it and then the and then I went in and recorded it in the booth in Hollywood and he directed me from zoom. Yeah yeah, of course, and so he like, you know, I did my takes and then he told me to do it another way or a couple other ways. And then the thing I love about him working is he's so decisive and so the minute that you know, he felt like we got it, it was like he was like, Okay, we got it, let's move on to the next one. Um. But it's cool seeing him work because you know, he did it all through the pandemic and um, you know, I'm just really proud of him. He made it happy and um, black people are enjoying it. It's just so the thing that I love about it is that it's like he didn't just wait around for an opportunity to come, you know what I mean. Like this was something that obviously it was like a what they called it brain child. It was something that just as a brain child, he thought it was funny. He started doing it on his own and then like an HBO Max approaches you and says they want to turn it into a TV series. Like that is so freaking cool. That it's just like it's not about sitting at like sitting down and waiting for opportunities to come to you. It's about creating things and then the opportunities come. Yeah. I mean I think with you know, with anything, it's really important to you know, do things that um you know that you're passionate about and and you know, stay creative and you never kind of know what things are going to turn into. I don't think there was any you know, it wasn't like created and set out to end up as a show, but it has. And it's really cool that it's out now when people are are watching it and binging it and enjoying it, so it's pretty awesome. In the first episode, they play um a Lady Gaga song like twice at the very end two Is that your idea or is he just as obsessed? I think that was I believe that was his. I helped him with the uh the music for the trailer um but which is Dualipa, But um no, that was all that was all him. I mean, we we were obsessed with that song last summer and so yeah, so good. It's very very funny. And I just I mean, obviously I love you and I love Gary, and um just I'm proud of him too, and I just think It's cool that you guys work together and love each other and do life together. And basically what I'm just asking is if like you and Gary will adopt me. Of course that's obsessed with you guys. Yes, anytime, can you talk talk about the your other show that you guys are doing. Yeah, right now. So we had a travel show that we had started in February of twenty twenty and we Know What to Say, which which again started because you started filming all this on your Instagram. People were loving it started. It came through my documenting our trip to Italy that we took in nineteen I guess it was and UM in the summer of nineteen and uh. We got approached to turn it into a a docuseries TV show and we did, and we were filming it. It's called Brand and Brad and Garry Go Too, And we were filming. It started just before COVID hit UM in March. So we have two episodes done, but you know, there's still a pin in it because of you know, what's going on in the world and now the Delta variant and all of those things. So we're waiting until it's super safe to go back out and finish it. But um, you know, I love the show. We've we've put one episode together. We went to Rio and Buena Saris, and I think people will love the show when it comes out. It's so so funny. Of course, people are gonna love it because we loved what Like I would watch your Instagram stories and I would literally be by myself and I would literally laugh out loud, and I would send them to like all my friends, and it's like kind about you know what I mean, It's one of the things for you what you watch it and you like forward it to all your friends because you're laughing so hard you want them to laugh so hard. Yeah, it's a lit I mean, it's it's one like what's happening and one pcent like who we are as people? Um, you know I'm not. I mean I have certain things that I'm just not as fussy. Um, you know, I'm just not as I never ever thought of changing my table until I met Gary, Like when I go to a restaurant, never even crossed my mind. I was always maybe it was my also I can hop onto your imposter syndrome, Tania that I was just like, I'm just happy to be here. Wherever you want to put me, and Gary's like, Gary, it's like we're right near the you know, the wind tunnel. Can we be where the wind tunnel? Anything? We're always moving. Um so yeah, So hopefully that picks up again and we can you know, finish that off and people can see it because it's it's um, I don't think it's I don't think it's like anything that's out there right now. It's definitely not. And the content we can get give it to me. Hi, Yes, but you you would talk about how you and Gary are, you know, Yin and Yang, you're like very similar, You're very compatible, but you're also really different. When you guys are different in things? Are you have like I don't want to use that as an example that he likes like move tables a lot, but for bigger issues, how do you kind of come to a like compromise or how do you see eye to eye on things? Because you guys don't like to fight, well I don't really, I don't know, like I have to really care a lot, you know, Like I know that sounds weird, but I just do, Like I just no, I'm just I have I know him so well and vice versa, and so I just I don't know, I really have to be um, I just really have to care. I don't know how else to put it. Put yourself back in the beginning when you were like, Okay, we're gonna you know, get married, this is going to be forever, and he was like, no, we're just gonna do this until it's good. How did you take that real? Like? Well, usually, I mean I take a beat. So I just use like my kind of like sober training, which is you know, pause, um, you know, pause when agitated, pause when agitated. As when agitated, it's like instead of reacting right away, just like taking like a mental beat. And sometimes that it's almost like a kid's time out for me. But it's just like taking a pause before like saying the thing. And then sometimes the pause is like taking a pause and leaving the room and then going to do something and come back and see if it's if it's actually worth addressing or you know, it gives you time to kind of formulate something that's at least um rational, because I just I just don't want to react right away. So I think in that instance, I believe I remember just kind of going quiet, um that's what I do. Yeah, I just I'm not like an instant. I don't go to rage or like fighting right away. I usually go to like dead inside first and then like I swear to God, like it's all systems shut down, Like all systems shut down. You like, it doesn't the keyboard doesn't go to sleep, like nothing goes to sleep. It's like a full shutdown and then like a full reboot. But but I say why so like my yeah, I'm very much engaged and I'm still present, but I just go totally just like dark. Yes, yes, all systems down. That's exactly how I am too. And then I try to, you know, formulate something. But like in terms of working together, I don't know. I like to collaborate. I also like the stuff that we're working on is stuff that we're working on together. Like me being on his show is like I'm a guest on his show Takes Charge. Yeah, I'm a I'm like his husband, but it's still his show and he still knows like how things are supposed to sound or how he wants them to sound because he wrote them and created them. So I'm just like, you know, it's like you've got to be an actor taking notes from a director. It's all that is. And then in terms of our show together, we you know, if I don't want to do something, or he doesn't want to do something or doesn't feel comfortable, then we just move on to the next thing unless I feel like, you know, it'll be a super funny scene or whatever. But I think we're both game until we're like not and then when you know, we're very open to to doing stuff. And so when one person feels strongly about you know, not, you know, he doesn't like like heights and stuff like that, so it's like we're not going to do anything him. Yeah, it's like we don't. There's other things. It's it's just about pivoting. You know. We both just want the end product to be good. So it's just we're collaborating. So I think we are both very you know, open minded to making sure that the other person is is comfortable. I know that you said this. You already you show this on the my when I did my Live my Modern Woman's Guide show. But I want you to share your um and you might have already said it in this episode, but your biggest tip for people that are married, you said, never go to bit angry. Oh yeah, I was just gonna say that again. But how do you do that if you get into a fight, like right before bed, Well you shouldn't be fighting before you go to bed, Like what are you doing just like watch TV and like take your vitamins and go to sleep. Where are you having deep conversations before you go to bed? It's like the wrong time, like timing, unless it's something like you get a phone call from a family member that's like, oh my god, X, Y and Z just happened, then then you can figure that out. But if you're just bringing stuff up right before bed is the wrong time. So um, I you know. I also just like my sleep. So it's also like a selfish thing, like I don't want to be awake all night worrying about like some dumb thing that we can wrap up in you know, two minutes. So I just I don't know. I just feel like like keep it light near the end of the day, like anything past dinner time, like chill out, take an edible, drink a glass of wine, like do whatever your thing is, but like don't start it's just not worth it. Like if you wake up in the morning and it still a thing, then maybe like do that. But if you're But however, if you have if you have fought during the day, or you have fought before you go to bed, you have to find a way to resolve it. Yeah, And if that's just as simple as like a lot of the time, it's not expecting something from the other person, So it's not trying to get some sort of apology or reaction of the other person. I think a lot of the times, if you say I'm really sorry that I did X, that I reacted that way, you know, I apologize. I think usually if you're in a good relationship, the other person will say like, and I'm really sorry that I did blankly blank um. So yeah, just like it's just like a bad Also, like things happen so quickly, Like things change so quickly, Like this is going to sound like so like airy ferry. But we're not promised tomorrow, right, It's like we're we're promised today. It's like you why go to bed with the X, Like we don't know what can happen moment to moments, So like you know, why have unresolved issues when you can just clear up really easily, just own like Lisa Renis says, like just like own your just own it. Just like just like Lisa Renis says, Okay, so, like have we ever had a fight? You and I? Yeah, no, but we're not. We're lovers, I know, but like we've been friends for a really long time. We've traveled, we like we like go to what we used to go to, tons of events together, like we don't but like we don't, like we're just I don't know like it. I don't. I don't have people in my life that I fight with. It's so true, you know, I think also because we have and I mean I can only say this because I feel like you do. But like I feel like we have a respect for each other. We love each other there and it's everything we always say to each other's coming from a place of like love. It's never from any other place. So that's very true. What would we find about I feel about like it would be something so dumb though, so it would be so dumb, but I you know, it's funny is when we were talking about the surprise party, Um, I can't remember who it was, somebody was like, I love you, No, I I said to you because he said that you were starting to get annoyed. Yeah, I was starting. I was starting to get annoyed at him, but no, I was laughing at I guess he told everybody the theme was Summer Chice or something like that, and I was dying because like Brad's and like leather pants, and like I miss that the easiest person. He's like Brad was your easiest friend, but he shows up in like the complete opposite. Um war Drobe is like Sophie and Poli and are like floral dresses. Hold on a sack. I will just say in my defense, first of all, I was wearing a T shirt on the top, I was wearing leather pants, and I was wearing basically like a birken stock with floral appliquees on them, so it was my version. And a real diamond necklace. Yeah, the necklace was epic. Those weren't c zs as security out front. Basically you were like the view were the biggest hit I do. And I have to say that there's something like very beautiful about all the people that you love the most in your life coming together, You know what I mean. It's like you all my friends know each other, but they're not necessarily like hanging out all the time. So there's like something like I just literally kept looking around at everybody all the time being like oh my god, I couldn't even take it. It was so fun. Wait where you on a plane yesterday? Where were you? Oh? I went to Napa. Ok at you. We were supposed to have like a big podcast retreat over the weekend, and um, something's happened and they're that no longer happened, but a couple of us still went out And actually want to give a shout out to the Meritage Resort and Spa in Napa because it was such a cute, cute space. So basically that there's this giant courtyard. They have all these tasting rooms on the site, so like you can go from like tasting you don't have you don't have to drive anywhere. It's so nice because you can have different tasting rooms that you just walked to. And they had like a live band, um robbing, and I like danced in the courtyard. There was a corn hole and like Connect four and all these Yeah, you know the game where you toss the sandbag and it goes in the hole. It's an American game. It's an American pastime, which which you are now I am. I'm a US citizen, full on US citizen. I am. Yeah. Weirdly, it took me twenty years to do it, but then it happened within like a month once I applied. It was so, why did you decide to do it now? Um? Because I want to vote. I haven't been able to vote. I've lived here for twenty years, and I want to participate in democracy and I want to be able to have a voice, and I think it's really important to exercise that right. And so I now have it, and I'm really excited to use it. I'm forty going to be forty four years old, and I've never voted for anything, and then that's about to change. Yeah, so I'm going to be at everything. They're red, white and blue flowers at Gary sent you were so cute, so cute, right, yeah, really thoughtful. It was a very um uh, it had just happened so quickly, like you know, this is all like boring logistics stuff, but because of um of COVID, everything's like backed up, I guess, but things just happened so fast. Like I applied, I got the interview. The interview was like three weeks after I got my notice and then after I got to prove my case got approved by the officer, he was like, you're swearing in as as Wednesday, and my interview was on the Friday. I was like, oh, I thought it was going to be like months away, and he's like, oh no, no, no, you'll be all like done by next Wednesday at nine am. Yeah. Um, yeah, I definitely got very teary. Yeah. Yeah, Gary cried. I cried. I mean, it's a big When I first came here, when I met Gary and Greece, and then I came here, I was so I had no idea how I was going to stay here, Like I just couldn't figure it out. And I think, you know, when you're immigrating to another country, it's very daunting, and uh it's you know, it's just very Uh. It feels really nice this year of twenties, of like twenty years of sobriety, twenty years with Gary getting my American, my us is and ship, all of these like big things happening. It just feels very And I'm turning forty four, which is double numbers. You know, I'm meant all that. So it's just like it just feels like a very like big energetically, I just feel like, I don't know, I just feel like some sort of a good energy push. Wait, that's so because you are going to be forty four soon, is there something that you want to leave in your forty three year or something that you're like really looking forward to. Yeah, there's a big thing personal to you. And all I really want is to be able to go back on a dance floor again and not be freaked out. So um no, that's not the only thing. Yeah, there's you know, they're definitely some I don't know. I'm a person that I like getting older. I just feel like every year that I get older, I just I feel like a little bit more. I guess. They also becoming a US citizen also it makes me feel It makes me it's like when I got married, Like it makes me feel the beginning. Yeah, and like more like rooted, you know, like just a little bit. You know, when the borders started closing and stuff. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was like, oh, this could turn like weird for me, Like I don't I was on a green car, but it was like I was trying to figure out like going home and if I could get back and like all this other stuff and so um yeah, now I should be Okay. Do you want to do for your birthday something that I like to do on mine, which is write down my intentions for the new year of life and burn the things that do not serve me? Yeah? Am I doing that now? No? No? No, we like physically do it. We like burn them on fire. I have a tin camp. Yeah. I definitely one thousand percent want to do that. Do you really do feel like? Yeah, are you crazy? Of course, it's like sod red. Yeah. It's also it's like it's always so weird, Like I don't know. I feel like I'm the type of person who is born to make vision boards and I never do. I'm like, so vision boarding. Yeah, the fact that you don't make a vision board is the weirdest thing. Like a vision board is basically your middle name. It's the most bred thing ever, I know. It's so do you want to hear the thing? I think the reason why I don't want to do it is because I'm afraid of not doing it perfectly. Isn't that strange? Like I'm afraid of putting like I stressed out about not putting the right things up. Yeah, that's some deep rooted stuff. I feel like, I don't know if it's that deep rooted. I think it's just be wanting things to be like do things perfectly, which like then makes me like puts a stop in front of actually starting the task right. It's like fear of doing it not well. If you want to make one, nothing would make me happier for your birthday than to bring over a poster and some magazines and some alphabet letters and like vision board with you and like aream and burn things that have some flying wish paper. Yes you like it all of that? Yeah, I love that. That would be like the best gift ever. Are you even here on the fifties? Yeah, I'm here. I'm here now that you're like, I'm in Hawaii. I'm like, I don't know where I'm gonna be. Star is going to take me. Red Star rented a private plane that's taking me to the Bahamas, Like, oh damn, could you imagine actually rented? I mean, honestly, the fact that the surprise party they pulled off was a pretty epic, Like, I'm like not holding anything past him anymore. I think we're gonna do dinner, like I'm going to do a small dinner in Malibu on my birthday. We can go before and we could like do the burning in Malibu because it's like nice by the beach. That's so cute. Yeah, it's really cute. Okay, I'm very into that. Have all the supplies. Okay, so we're gonna wrap up, but I want to if we could get because you have really good advice, could we get your advice on some eils before you go? Yes? Please? Okay, great, we'll do that one when you come back we are back, would be rad Brad Garsky for everybody listening, Thank you again for taking the time. I appreciate you. I called you last minute and got the guest, so I appreciate you and I love you. I was literally doing bicep girls when you texted me. I would expect nothing, nothing less. I was like, what's going on? I know because I was like, are you round? Are you? Literally? I was literally just like before even seeing what your text was, I was gonna, right, are you okay? I know no one likes to get the marks doing bicep girls. Right there? We go, come on, Mark, we gotta get at least thirties thirty fives going. Did you realize you guys would come to me so quickly? Sorry, I was trying to squeeze that in. Yeah. No. I texted Brad and I said are you are you? I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was one of those texts that you don't want to get. It was like, are you available later? What are you doing this afternoon? Yeah? And so I was like, let me tell him what. I was like, uh, that is going to be out. I need a co host today. And he was like, I got you. That's great. And I can't believe that there's no muntion of cornhole in the US citizenship test. It's really disappointing. I know, maybe we should try to petition to get that added to the one hundred questions you have to start. Think, I've played it within the last couple of days, I've played court, yeah, and it's just so, have you played ball? Yeah? But that's Italian? Oh okay, what have you played? Have you played prosecco pong? Well? I can't well, right, but you can fill it with like water. That would be like relapsed pong for me. Um No, But wait, they were playing that last night on the Housewives of Potomac. I think, oh, it's so cute because it's like beer po but like chicer. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. You were playing that at your birthday. Yeah. I've been wanting to play all summer, and so Red Stars set it up in the corner of his backyard and I was like, that warmed my heart because I've been wanting to play it literally all summer. I had nobody to play with. That steak was so delicious at your birthday. He like, honestly, food was so Listen, anybody who throws a party that gets the food that right, is like that food was delicious and everybody like he really like he really looked at all my friends that were coming and we're like, Okay, she doesn't eat cheese, so we'll do this without she Like he was like really thoughtful about every little thing. He even got like we drinks for my friends that don't drink alcohol but like to take edibles and stuff like he like literally was so thoughtful for everybody. Every dietary restriction. I think I just said I didn't have any I just didn't want to borrow anybody with my like high protein, low carbro like, have a big steak and some air fried broccoli and uh, I'll suss out the dessert. I think I have asked you if you had dietary restrictions. Yeah, I'm sure. I love it. Yeah. But also the big the star of that evening, aside from you and the steak, was in watermelon. Yeah. As you know, it's a gamble when you get a watermelon, it is a gamble. It's I watched I watched the cheft open it up, and I was like, oh damn, I never get a water cut like that midlife. It was like ruby red and juicy, and just like, oh, if I could turn back time, I would just have a plate of steak and watermelon. You're your listeners are are quickly scrubbing forward. They're scrubbing in and forward right now. Yeah, okay, so we'll get into the emails now, because Brad gives really great advice and um so let's just get straight to it. This is from anonymous. My boyfriend thirty five and I thirty have been dating for a year and a half and live in different cities about an hour and a half apart. We both work a lot of hours during the week, and he owns his own business. Throughout a relationship, We've had a few periods where he says he gets extremely overwhelmed with work and all communication between will stop for four to five days. I've told him this bothers me. Since then, he communicates to me that he needs some time and he's feeling overwhelmed. I consider myself very independent don't reach out when he asks for space, although I still feel very bothered that it doesn't lean on me to comfort him and instead pushes me out. Am I overthinking this? Am I asking too much for wanting a daily quick check in text? Is there a better way that I can support him? I mean that sounds like red flag city to me. I don't. I don't know. Like when I'm I understand being addicted to being overwhelmed, it's like the same as being addicted to being busy, Like being addicted to being busy, It's like it's it's yes, you should. I feel like when I'm stressed out at work, the only person I want to talk to is my husband, you know? Like that is that should be the person in your life or your your boyfriend or your partner who is uh? I would want to be. I do want to be the person that is feels I want to be the person that my husband comes to when he's you know, stressed out at work or any of those things. So I think all of the things that she is feeling are valid and there needs to be a bigger discussion about why why the first uh instinct um is to shut down when busy. You know, it's interesting because I'm the same way. I would not like that. I would especially four to five days. Not talking for four to five days feels weird to me. Becca is one of those people or when she gets in a fight, like she needs space, so she needs time to like cool down and then reassess. But four or five days is not it. It's like a couple of hours. I think. Yeah, four or five days is a long time. It's like almost a week. Also, aren't people working like two hours a day right now? Like what's happening? Do you know what I mean? Like when we're when we were in the pandemic, like the pandemic, Like I don't know what's happening state to stay with people being back at work and stuff, And I understand, like it just seems that seems like a very extreme reaction, like maybe we can suggest like a meditation act or like we are we trusting that it's stress? Are we taking this at face value? Or is it could this be an excuse for something else? And I'm not saying it's anything sinister. And I think maybe he just he needs a break, Maybe he wants to go out with his guys. I don't know, Maybe there's something else going on here that he just needs to be alone. Maybe he just needs space every once in a while. Maybe that's just kind of how he is. I don't know if that's somebody I would want to be in a relationship point, I mean, like book a book of boys weekend. Then if that's like you know, like I book weekends away to go go away with my friends, or you know, there's always an opportunity to say like, hey, I'm gonna hang out with I'm gonna go to Palm Springs with my guy friends this weekend for two days and act like an idiot like that. I understand, but going totally rogue for four to five days because you're overwhelmed with work feels a little sketch. So what's the advice? Um have a conversation and if things don't get better, this may not be the relationship for you. Well, long distance is hard anyway, regardless of if it's an hour and a half or you know, across the country, So long distances is really tricky. And then cutting off communication for days, like I would, I would be having a final conversation about, uh, you know, being more communicative when work is stressful or he's feeling overwhelmed, and what the solution is to try to help him get over that. And then it's that behavior doesn't change, and I would evaluate if this was something I wanted to continue being in a relationship I want to be in. Yeah, I agree. I couldn't do the four or five day thing me neither. I get stressed when somebody doesn't text me back within like twenty Mac like like, what are you doing? Try being friends with Becca? It is you gotta eat. Sometimes sometimes I did. It could be a daze like ill I text her and then sometimes I should him. Yeah, Like I'll see her on Instagram and I'll be like, hello, I see her Instagram. Can you text me back? And then usually she'll text me back, what's that about? It's not intentional, She's not doing it because she doesn't want to answer me. I think it's just like she sees it. She forgets to respond and then she just goes about her day twenty four hours, like if I I'm sometimes asleep and then I wake up and I'm like, oh my god, I forgot to return sos text brudo. All right, this is from Catalin. I was hoping first some advice after a tough conversation I had with my broth today. Some background. I've worked for the same company for five years now, and I have been fighting for my first big promotion hard for the past year. I've always done my best to advocate for myself, but have had many doors slammed in my face with keep working hard kid on the way out. My boss just told me they've decided to hire externally for the internal promotion I was fighting for. This promotion was really my only chance of growth. And although I love where I work, love just doesn't seem to be returned. What am I do next? So I hear this so much from like my friends, and uh, um, that's such a brutal place to be in to feel underappreciated, right, Yeah, not only that, but also like if you know I think, um, you can kind of look at your your workspace and you can kind of say like, Okay, I can grow to this position, and then I can go to this position, or I can go to this person. I can do this. You know, you can kind of figure out different avenues of how to grow in that company. If there's nowhere for you to grow and they just hired somebody else to come into the only spot that you can grow too, I think you have no other choice but to like start looking elsewhere. Not yeah, yeah, keep going sorry, no, but like look elsewhere. Don't say anything, don't quit your job until you have another one lined up. But I think you kind of have to start looking outside, put feelers out. Yeah, you have to have made connections with other companies, other businesses, other people. I think it's time to start calling in some of those favors. When I get to a new job, I'm always looking to find that ladder or what's the next on is on it? And when that wrong is no longer available, Yeah, I think you've got to start looking around. They don't have to know that, but it's worth getting out there. Yeah. And it's also makes a world of difference when you're working in a job where you're feeling appreciated totally, and that's I would definitely start and from now you be very happy that you did not get this promotion. And God's rejection is God's protection. Did you think God's rejection is God's protection. Yeah, No, it's man's rejection is God's protection. Really, God's rejection is God's protection. Doesn't make any sense. No, it's saying we say that, you think about it. Wait, if you get rejected, if God like something that you want you don't get, that's God's rejecting. That is God for tecting you, right, because we live in God's world. No, we live in man's world, because God's not man. Man's rejection is God's protection. Correct. I don't think I've ever heard it like that before. God's rejection is God's protection. Man's rejection is God's protection. Really? Yes? Also, how many God people are you? Talking to? Everyone? In a duh? It's a spiritual program. What's the matter with you? That's all about God? I didn't power. I will say that if you google that phrase, most of what comes up is rejection is God's protection, or sometimes rejection is God's protection. Sometimes rejection is God's protection. Thank you, Mark, we can say sometimes, but maybe sometimes we'll leave you with this thought scrubbers. God's rejection, it's God's protection. That might need to be the title of the episode. Man's rejection is God's protection. Or sometimes rejection is God's protection, or you can do Sometimes rejection is God's redirection. Oh I love that, Thank you that one. I really like. Where's that from from? I don't know in the Bible. I'm kidding that. I don't think that's in the Bible. It's not. I don't know who said that. I don't know, but it's a good one. Sometimes rejection is God's redirection. It sounds like an Instagram quote. Yeah, maybe it's not on Instagram. I don't know, Um, but I do because you are just like the bestest friend ever and you are a busy, working modern woman. I want to honor your time and um let you go, and you're always a punctual so I just want to really respect you. What time was I supposed to show up when you did one o'clock? Yeah? Good? Yeah? But who shows? Like do people show up really late? Beck Attilly is usually late to our own podcast that we do every single Monday at the exact same time I got you. Now I understand. I was like, what guest is showing up late? No, not guests, but yeah, Becca is not the most punctual love or to death. We all have strengths and weaknesses. You know, she's we are yin and yang energy. Maybe it's sometimes punch lack of punctuality is God's protection, or maybe it's like uh late friends, uh teach patients like God. There we go. I get that all right, And on that note, we are gonna UM wish you all a wonderful Monday. Brad, thank you so much. Everybody listening. You can check out the prints. It's streaming right now on HBO Max. Send Brad, send Gary your love. When you're watching it, post it, tag them. They have an Instagram handle, right yeah. The Prince on I think it's called the Prince on HBO Max is the official UM Instagram. So it's really funny. I think you guys will all enjoy it. And um, Brad, thank you so much for taking the time. I love you, I Love U. Tanya by Scrubbers. That's cute.