Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Reth and I Heart Radio and People's Choice Award nominated podcast. Hello Teddy, can't hear? Did you get it? After a rocky start? Hello, everybody, We are scrubbing in and I mean, let's just get right to it. We have Teddy Mellencamp into building. Thank you guys for having me. You brought us a special guest. Well you know, I had to bring around my my honey husband for the workout. It's important. Yeah, thanks for having him. Having you guys, I'm obsessed with the two of you, really. Yeah, because Teddy, you are on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, you have amazing children, you have your own accountability program that I am a part of. And Edwin you started your company from the ground up. You have an amazing story and also you have such a great marriage. But you're so good individually. Like I just truly admire both of you individually, and I think it's really cool when two powerhouse people come together, because you build an empire. Thank you. I think the biggest thing for us is we are constantly telling each other it's one foot in front of the other and something good is going to come of it if we just keep going. We don't know what it's going to be all the time. We're not always we don't have our finger right on the polls like this is where we're going. But every single day we wake up early, we set our intentions, and we do our best to complete them. You just described Tony's dream relationship. It's something to aspire to. Yeah, there's an edwin out there for me. There is, But I want you to know it's not always perfect. It's not always perfect. You have to work on it, and you have to constantly be in communication because the second that communication is lost, you'll start to lose intimacy. You start to lose what it is that you love about each other. And if you can't laugh and you can't cry together, then you lose part of what it is that you love about that person. I have a question, what if he What if I can tell by looking at him that he enjoys working out and eats clean. I'm assuming Sometimes No, he really doesn't. Really, he's just one of those hashtag blasted Do you get onto him? No? I ate well of the time, and then of the time I'm I'm sort of a mess. He's like fully off the rails. But while he's doing it, he's constantly comment like, hell, look at me, and he'll be like, well, it's just for today. I'm like, yeah, I'm sure, buddy, But at this point, I don't even think about it. But he'll be on his fifth bag of chips and he's like, well, it's just you know, it's because it's an afternoon. I'm like, okay, yeah, because it's chips. I scream and cheesecake are the three things I can't live without. That's a solid food group right there. He's all in, Well, it's funny because like obviously, when the last time we did the podcast, we kind of talked about the program and like Tony doing that with you and how it totally changed her life and I mean it totally changed her body, but it really changed your life, like your life and the way that you view working out and eating healthy and being healthy. And now Teddy follows me and if I talk about getting food or a snack, she'll be like, what snacks And I'm like, listen, I'm not doing the program right now, but you did reach out once, so I've reached out of it, I think twice. No, this is what Teddy does. Like you'll like dip your toe in and you'll kind of like have interest, but she won't like you, I won't ask, but I'm just subliminately there just reminding like your tweet. I can't even remember what you tweeted, but you did this like mass tweet and I just wrote back. I didn't even know you followed me on Twitter at that point, so that kind of scared me. It was like, it's just a very eerie like I'm watching you. You know, I would have never said that had you not reached out once wanted to. I'm not one of those people trolling the internet like I wonder if they want to change their lifestyle, but you won't. You won't take anybody on unles. They're un percent committed. No, Because I did the same thing. I dipped my toe and I was like, boo boo boo, but I can't do this, and she was like, okay, come back to me. I was like, okay, She's like, but there's she's set up all these different expectations for herself for me to have from the beginning. I was like, well that's neat. Well, when you're ready to come back, not really, this isn't your program, Tanya. You're not doing your program but on my program. But I mean you've completely embraced it. You've changed your life. I've seen a difference in your attitude and your confidence, and you know, you start asking for things that you didn't ask for before, and you start expecting things that you didn't think you expected. But I think the thing that and I've told Teddy this too, is like it did. It definitely did change me physically, but I think mentally too, because I think when you're kind of at this place and you don't really think you have you think you need the most expensive trainers, and you need like a chef to cook you all this like food, and like that's really not what you need it. And I did the program. I lost sixteen pounds. It's not like a small chunk of change, Like that's like a significant amount of weight. And I didn't have to hire a chef or crazy. It's not like you're doing this huge expense that you have to spend for the rest of your life to be able to maintain your lifestyle change. And I think you know, when you live in a place like l A where everything is like so extravagant, like you have to do everything to the tens, like not only do you need the personal trainer, you need the personal chef, but you also need to buy these sets of classes at all of these different locations, and all of a sudden you're out thousands and thousands of thousands of dollars, and yet you haven't changed. I have a question, though, because I feel like I've talked to some of my friends who have done your program and they say, I'm like, well, can because they're like, I'm gonna I'm gonna get back on Teddy like I got off, I like went off the rails, And I'm like, are you not at a point where you can do it? Like you know how to do it or what to do? And they're like, there's something about, like can you explain what it is that you do, because it's it's not just because you would think, oh, I could say like hey, Tony, let's hold each other accountable, but there's some thing that you do that the difference is so and why sometimes you'll have returning clients and sometimes you won't. And you know, it really depends. I feel like some people start because they want to change their physical appearance, they see a big change and then they're like, oh, I'm good to go. But then they don't realize all the work that you have to continue putting into it to make that a complete lifestyle change. And at first you can get away with it. At first you can get away with sliding, and then you realize, uh, I got myself and over my head again, and now I need a little bit of help to get back. My goal isn't that somebody is a client forever. But my goal is for you to be able to get to a place where you know when you're starting to slip, and to be able to pull yourself back in without me. But if you continue on with me, I will make this such a habit for you that ultimately you won't need me or one of my coaches or whomever. It is like, at this point, I don't every day wake up motivated and wanting to do this, but I do it because it's a habit and I've changed my life, and I don't give myself it's a non negotiable at this point, so you're not be motivated or inspired. It's the habits and routines that will get you through those days where you don't feel like doing things, and that's really what separates, you know, the the what what makes people great is when you can do things on those days that you don't want to do them. And that's when those habits and routines come in. So we're huge on that stuff. Habits and routines. Do y'all, do you feel like as a partnership that you'll hold each other accountable, Like if she's having a down, they are like, come on, let's go do the same thing. But truthfully, at this point, you know, we we kind of will make a joke in the morning, you know, one of us will always be a little like groggy or we you know, we get up and we we you know, I do my five minute journal. He reads the Bible like we do our things. And then if we see that as a person, not like moving to that next step, I'm like, we're gonna get after it today. Let's do this. You know, you've give them each other that little push, But we're also aware that that doesn't happen for everybody. Everybody doesn't have and until you put it in yourself, it's not gonna matter. I mean, I was telling my girlfriends who were just here about when I first wanted to change and Edwin had always worked out, and I would just I would fly by the wind whatever I felt like doing and how comfortable I felt my own skin at that time. Um, and he would he would say, let's go work out, and I'd be like, give him this look like what I need to work out? What are you trying to say? You know? So it's just it's really within you. Yeah, I think that's a lot of people will like come to me and I'm like, you work out every day? How do you do that? And I'm like, it's not like I'm doing a ten every day. I'm not like running a million miles every single day. Some days I'm tired, some days I'm on my period and I'm like gonna go out of two. But I'm going for myself. But I feel like for you, it's all like it's gotten to a point where it's like therapy for you because you're just like, also, sorry, this is off subject, but I just it came to my mind and I wanted to bring it up. Is that trainer that we just worked out with? Single he is? Oh my god, wait, Tanya. People were texting me while you were working out. I'm not kidding. Hey, what about that guy with Tony? Why not? Well, the text said Tanya before we started, I actually don't get anybody in trouble in here. And I said I think both of these girls are single, and you're single, and he said, yes, so and he's a really good guy. He's a really nice guy. I'm going over to Tania telling how great her form was. Speaking up, I have a question for Teddy's I'm changing the subject. You're welcome. So I know that you guys, you guys worked together in the program, but your friends also. And I noticed in the workout that you had your girlfriends here. I saw Kyle and Lisa because I know them too, And is it weird if you're working with friends? Do you know what I'm saying advising them whether it's on their workout or like their diet or making sure they're sticking to what they're supposed to be doing well in regards to like Lisa and Kyle and Denise in jury, who are who are here today? I I'm not their lifestyle coach, and I keep it very clear if one of them wanted to join the program and do the entire program, it wouldn't be weird because I keep it very separate. This is it's business. It's not personal, even though it's a very personal thing to share when you're feeling vulnerable or when you're feeling scared about making a lifestyle change. It I don't cross that line. And so but you know, in this case, they came to support the workout, and it was a different story. But if ever they were to reach out and say, I actually really want to do the program, I mean, what about if you have to be tough on Tanya, but you guys are friends. It is funny. It's funny they say that because sometimes, like if I do something and I know, like I'm disappointed to myself, it's almost harder for me to like admit it to you because I'm like, I messed up, but it's myself than like it's not. I'm able to read kind of Tanya's mood at this point and how she's feeling and what she needs that So some days I can tell Tany is like on fire, do you mind me? No? Okay, some days I know Tanya is on fire and she's feeling great, And on those days, I'm just like her number one cheerleader, like, let's do this, and then some days she'll get a little down on herself and I'm like, listen, honey, put your big girl panties on and let's go after this day because you need to kill it and you can and you can't be this persona that says you're killing it and then not feel it inside. So dig deep. You've got this. I know you do. You had it yesterday, and just get yourself there. To the other girls, I mean, I love Lisenka so much. To do they ever ask for advice or no? I mean I wouldn't say they necessarily asked for It's more of like a joke within our friend group, Like it's like, what do you think if I eat the muffin? I'm never gonna reach out and try to give my opinions to somebody who's not wanting to make that type of change. They all work out, they like what they're doing, they live healthy lifestyles. I've helped a lot of their friends. Actually their friends have reached out in our clients. So it's more word of mouth and it's really people that want to make a big lifestyle chef. I think the name all In is so perfect for it because you truly have to be all in like you can't. You really can't have asset like it's you have to be committed, and it's really just committed to yourself. It's committed to yourself and it's committed. I've noticed so much that people will comment so much on what you're doing and give you their opinions and how they feel and how it's not what you're doing isn't right for them. And as soon as you realize, I don't really care what's right for you, and and this is what's right for me. This is what makes me feel good. I don't care if everybody else is, you know, wants to sleep in. I'm gonna get up and go on a run. Not because I'm trying to make you feel bad. If you're taking it that way, that's on you. I'm doing it to make myself feel good because then I'm gonna be happier. I'm going to be more fun. And you know, I struggle with anxiety, you know, pretty bad, and it's what makes me feel good. Yeah. Well, we have a lot of our listeners actually talk about how they struggle with anxiety and depression, Like how do I get out of that. And I've always heard that like being in a routine and changing your diet and in exercising is like a huge natural like antidepressant pretty much. I mean it's like it's you know, your prozac. Yeah, if you can get up and you can do something every day, you get up, you take a shower, you go do something for yourself before you go to work or before you you know, your kids wake up, or whatever it is that you are doing in your life, you're gonna feel better than if you lay in bed on social media looking at it like looking at people having the perfect life and blah blah blah. You're gonna get down on yourself. If you get out and do something for you, You're not They're focusing on what everybody else is doing. Yeah, it's true. I think the first ten minutes of the day set your day. And if the first thing you do is pick up social media, it's the worst thing you can do because everyone's living this fantasy life. Everyone's just putting how great life is, so you'll automatically get depressed when you when you're seeing everybody have this great life supposedly, right, So those first ten minutes the tone um so you gotta be careful with that social media as soon as you wake up. Yeah, I I have a question, what how did you respond with like all the cameras being in your life all the time? Ut? Can I tell him the true story? At first? But no, I think at first I was so nervous that I had to drink a shot right before the cameras would come on. But but then I filled the to keel up with water and that's when that was the cutest stop. So that was that was like, listen, if this is gonna be your life with us filming, then I'm just not gonna like, I'm not gonna invite you on these days, like because that's not who you are. You're not a person that needs to take a shot before we go do something. So I mean, it's I don't even notice that any cameras are there, because truthfully, it's our real life and nothing scripted. When you hear anything like that, that's obscene. But he just wasn't used to having anyone else around, so I mean, but he doesn't do that anymore. That was a little bit dodgy. So now I just drink get your level up exactly. Yeah, I do have to say, your story is very inspiring. Thank you. I she was talking about this and I was like, I don't know her stories. I know, I wish we had more time to Like, really, I remember I listened to you on a on a different podcast, and I had no idea because you guys have built such a great life for yourselves, and I had no idea where you came from. And I found it really really motivating and inspiring. So if you could share with our listeners, um a little bit about your journey, that would be awesome. Yeah. You know, long story short, I came here when I was six years old. Two weeks after coming to the US, or home got rated by law enforcement, and uh that day, both my mom and dad went to jail. I ended up with my older sister in a foster home. Mom comes out in three months, Dad comes out of eight months. However, every year after that our home would get it would get rated once a year, and uh, I finally, when I was ten years old, they put away my dad for quite They put him away for about ten years, and then my mom within a two year span basically lost every thing. So I sort of went from having whatever I wanted as a kid to now ended up in UH in an apartment where we couldn't rent. We didn't have enough money for rent, so we had a rent both of the rooms where we lived, and we basically had fourteen people living in a three bedroom apartment. So I lived in this little room with my siblings UM and basically roaches would be waking me up at night. And UH. At fifteen years old, I was able to get a job, and UH basically been taking care of the family since then, walking himself to school. As At sixteen, I became a supervisor of five people. At eighteen, I became a supervisor of forty people. I was selling long distance over the phone. And then, but more importantly, when I became when I was eighteen years old, I became the right hand of the supervisor of of I mean, the VP of sales. So then three years later he comes into my office and says, hey, I want to start this alarm company, and I want you to come with me to start the company. He says, I can't guarantee you the seventy thousand dollars a year that you may here, but if you make this work, you can possibly double quadruple your income. And the first thing I thought was, well, this guy's making two fifty grand a year, and if he's leaving, you must be pretty serious about what he's doing. The second thing I thought is if he can teach me how to start a company from the ground up. I'm like, this is the shortcut to college that I needed. And the third thing I thought, I was this big dreamer kid I was at sixteen years old. I would ditch school to go to Rodeo Drive and I would go Windows shop, and then I would go look at all the homes and I would say, one day I'm gonna interfere. And you know the rest of his Now, he's got his security companies all throughout the United States. It's home automation. It's amazing. It's incredible. You can do everything on your phone, Like right now, I could pick up my phone and look at exactly what my kids are doing. So I lock the door open the garage, like, yeah, looking back at what I did at that point, because everybody thought it was crazy. They thought, how are you going to leave this this job that's paying you seventy thousand dollars a year. This is back in which is probably worth a hundred five The ground now, But um, what I was doing at sixteen years old, I call it touching the dream and being exposed to the dream. And there's this part of your brain that's called the particular activating system, and it's it's part of your subconscious mind. So your conscious mind, it can't get it can't gather everything you see. It doesn't gather it because if you here see whatever, it will overwhelm your your brain. And that's where some conscious comes in because that gathers everything it sees and gathers everything it touches. And the rearticular activating system is a filter that feeds your conscience mind what it needs to know, and it filters it by three things, which is what your dreams and goals are, what you need for survival, and then your belief. So when I was sixteen years old, that was my dream, that was my goal. I needed that for survival. I needed to buy my mom's home, so all these things. So when that opportunity came, it was easy for me because I knew that that's what I needed to do to go after my dreams. If I wouldn't have gone out of the bubble that I was in because I grew up in Southeast l A. Which is basically next to Watson Compton. Um, if I wouldn't have left that little bubble, seventy thousand dollars a year would have been Like I mean, I was already living the life at that point if I wouldn't have left that bubble. But because I left that bubble and I was and I was exposed to that dream and I was able to touch the dream, it made me want more. Um So I'm huge on that part and I always talk about that part of my successes. At a young age, I put myself in places where, you know, even though I wasn't making that much money, once a month, I'd go treat myself to a nice steak uh and I'd pay you know, a hundred fifty bucks for that dinner. Um But it made me want more. Made me out of your comfort zone because you can't grow inside of your comfort zone. So you grow the most when you're put yourself in pressure situations, when going in discomfort. And that's what I love about the all In brand because all In, when you're all in, you put your your you put yourself in a vulnerable situation, and no one wants to feel vulnerable. Because everyone you know is afraid of getting hurt and all that stuff. But that's how you're going to grow. And whatever you go after, you have to go all in and be vulnerable. And I think that's a trait that a lot of successful people have, is they put themselves in vulnerable situations and if you get hurt, you get hurt. But you know that's the way you're gonna grow. WHOA, It's true. That's like I didn't. I mean, she just like before we even sort of the workout, she's like, have you ever heard a story? I was like no, so I was really interested to hear. But yeah, it goes like deep too, because I mean, I know you're really rooted in faith and so I love that element of it too. But belief, you've got to have monster belief. And when we when we are going to church every Sunday, we are the most connected that we ever are. It's like we are it's something we do together as a family. It's something that we look forward to and when we're not, you can feel it, and we can feel in our life. I know. I think we've discussed often about I mean getting into more like the relationship thing is like having that faith is a foundation. Like you know, I think there's a lot of people who are in relationships where maybe the faith isn't the same or they you know, aren't um like don't have the same beliefs or whatever. And I think it can work, obviously, but I do think there is something in the strength of being like rooted together in that having that together. And so, you know, Tanya, when I first met Edwin, I had never really gone to church. So just because you meet somebody and maybe they don't have the same faith that you hope that's what we were talking about with, it doesn't mean anything because truthfully, at first when I met him, he was like, Okay, I go to church on Sundays. And I was like, okay, I go on Christmas. You know, I have never been exposed to that. And Tany, you need to listen right now because you sometimes we've gotten ye, I've gotten that. Yeah, because I always thought I needed to have somebody that was like at the same level of faith as me, and now I feel like it might be me that is the one that has the stronger faith that leads somebody else then and it's an opposite thing, And I mean it comes with time. It comes with time, and it's not going to happen overnight. You know, I started going. You know, I used to work Sundays um when I wrote Horses for a Living, so I, you know, had my excuse and why I couldn't go. And then I started realizing when he was going every Sunday. I was like, he is such a better person when he goes every Sunday, like I only for that reason alone. I was like, all right, I'm starting to go. I switched my work schedule. I said, can I work this day instead of Sunday. I started going. I watched how we started connecting more. I watched how holding ourselves accountable to doing that together from the you know, non negotiable for us changed everything. The first thing I told him when we got married was you got to make sure I keep going to church on Sundays, otherwise we might have issues. And she's there's times I don't want to go and she pushes me to go. Yeah, and I'm like, okay, great, if we really can't go on Sunday, we're going to watch it on TV. You know, there's there's so many different avenues to get faith, like, and people have this stigma that if if you're a Christian you're judgmental, or that you have to follow these set of guidelines. It's really not. It's believing in something. It's believing in a higher power and having faith and connect kind and being kind and and that's really and you can get it anyway. You can get it on your laptop, you can get it by going somewhere. You can get it by listening to worship songs, you know, like I listened to like learned Dangle, and I'm like, Okay, I'm getting it, you know, Like I just think it's I think it's really cool to know that, like like y'all met and y'all weren't necessarily like that was probably very important to you, but you met her and you're like, whatever, I'm going to do my thing still, like whether she wants to go or not. And then the fact that perfect because I mean the way we met was not. Yeah, I mean we didn't meet in like a romantic But that's why I'm saying that there's no judgment. It's just what you want growth. And I like that what you found appealing about it was that he you noticed something different about him when he went to church, like that kind of what I feel like faith is supposed to be, that there's something that stands out with someone. It's like this goodness that you do. It holds you accountable. And I think when you stop going, you start to debrawl yourself, right, because there's so many things happening that you need to be rooted. And that's why I've always been big on that. I've always told Teddy, hey, make sure I'm always heading the church, and when I stopped getting going, make sure that I go back to it. So she's been great with that and holding me accountable with that. That's awesome, it's amazing. Well, thank you so much for taking the time. Um, we want to make sure that everybody, all of our listeners know. Um, obviously this is your new I mean you've had your program all in by Teddy, that's like a thing, but you just launched the workout. Yes, so tell everybody where they can find out how they can find it. If you go into all in by Teddy dot com and you go down to the workout tab, you can either do the workout once for or if you do, you can have the video and you can do it as often as you want. It's the perfect workout for if you're in your home, you don't have any gym equipment, your travel NonStop. There's really absolutely no excuse because you can do it anywhere. You don't need a ton of space, you can do it with friends, you can do it no matter what level you are in your workout journey because we give different options of intensity and afterwards you're gonna feel good. And that was a lot of I sweated a lot. There's any of me just like laying on the ground. I'm like, who took them? Like? Why did we film me through that? I was actually doing some stuff at some points, and the video as I saw, I'm like laying there. It was really hard. That was a special birthday treat. Thank you, Thank you so much. Thanks you guys, thank you for being here. It was awesome. Okay, so Teddy and Edwin just left. Loved them. But you know something that Teddy is also a big fan of that I am a big fan of as well. Uh Kara Vitamins so carev is a monthly subscription vitamin service that delivers completely personalized vitamin and supplement packs right to your door. Um. They have this on online quiz and It asks you about your diet and health goals and lifestyle choices. It only takes five minutes to find out what vitamins and supplements you specifically need. Especially with me just getting back from Hawaii, I loaded up on their Elderberry and their Vitamin C vitamins after all the travel in the airport. You know, like people on the plane or they're like copping and sneezing. It's the worst. But I was like, I got my care of UM. They even have a pocket protector for and on the go immunity boost. It's perfect for being on the go. All you do is pop the powder in your mouth and it tastes delicious. They are strawberry and raspberry flavorberry raspberry either, I'll go raspberry, can't go wrong with berry. I agree with that, you know I love a fruity second ball. UM. Also, a portion of every sale goes towards the Good Plus Foundation, which provides expectant mothers in need with valuable prenatal vitamins. So for off your first month of personalized care of vitamins, visit take care of dot com and enter Tilly again. That's off your first month of personalized care of Vitamins, Visit, take care of dot Com and enter Tilly. Also, this goes quite nicely with Miss Teddy, mail Encamp self Care. Beach Body on Demand is uh and easy to use streaming service you guys have heard us talk about before. It gives you instant access to a wide variety of super effective workouts that you can do from the comfort of your living room twenty four seven. You don't have to get in the car, you don't have to do anything, You can literally do it in your living room. So Um. I had to get my beach Body ready for Becca and JoJo's birthday trip to Hawaii this last weekend, and beach Body on Demand helped me get there. So um. This is the company behind p ninety x and Sanity, twenty one Day Fix, Brazilian Butt Lift, Pyo, Hip Hop Abs, and my personal favorite, the three week Yogo Retreat with Leasa ebbins Um. She's helped me become more flexible, tone my body, and eliminate stress through her yoga program. The best part is when you join, you're not alone. You are a part of the biggest support community with over one million people currently on beach Body on Demand, So right now, our listeners can get a special free trial membership, including their new fourteen day results plan where you can lose up to nine pounds in the first two weeks. That's like, I'm not good at math. What is that point four of a pound a day? No, that's not what that is. But two weeks is fourteen days. Nine pounds in fourteen days, so it's fourteen divided by nine. Yeah, so it's one one and a half pounds a day. Basically that's impressive. So all you have to do is text Becca to thirty thirty thirty. You'll get full access to this entire platform for free, all the workouts, the nutrition information, the results plan to get you super fast results and support totally free. So all I have to do is text Becca tot and uh what should we text? Becca? I mean you took a deep sigh. I do you have an intro? Ready? Oh? Well, I was gonna say. I mean, I loved having Teddy and Edwin here. That was really I know, I wasn't special last time she was on the podcast. You're just gonna creep in like, yeah, my fair introduction, Ben, Yeah, but yeah, thank you to Teddy and Edwin for being here. They're awesome. They're a power couple. I mean speaking of awesome and not necessarily a couple, but a powerful human being. We have Ben Higgins in the in the scrubbing in O R. How does it feel to scare this is your first official scrubbing? This is yeah, this is big. Well, it's kind of hid because I was sitting over on the side waiting and I feel like, now, even though I know you both and respect you dearly, like I was a little nervous because of your nomination that I feel like I'm walking into something like really important, like I don't want to mess it up. That's kind of true, genuine behind. Yes, you're a fold. I know. I was on a TV show with him. He walked me dead in the eyes, said he wasn't going to send me about a warning, send me about a warning. We don't trust that sweet face. I'll never I'll never forget worse. On the Na my hometown, sitting on the park bench in front of the city hall and Becky goes he told me you would warn me. I was like, how was I supposed to warn you? A hand signal, anything to carry your pigeon? And there could have been away she was the only personally really get really mad at me when they left the show, and I was like that out of everybody, like because I yeah, I was sad. That is still in my phone. So can we talk about this now? I think it's time? Is it time? Yeah? I think it's time. Well, what's what's the worst thing that can happen? Wait? Now you Yeah? So Becca Um and I actually talked before the show, and what happened was we had two phone conversations. I remember that we text said probably not not a ton and she's like, do you think like we didn't know each other well, but she's like, do you think it's worth me at least giving this a shot at this point, like I was already going to be the Bachelor and producers have reached out to me about going. Yeah, And I said, I do. I think it's really I think it's worth like us exploring if this could be something, and I don't, like, I'm going to do the show and so it's not like we can now date off the side, and I don't know where this is gonna take me, so please come on the show. But she's in my phone back then as Virginia till I don't know why. I forget the Virginia part, because what's a virgin? Like, like you told me that. It wasn't like I'm hearing about I forgot that, yeah, because she was a virgin. So I put Virginia telling my phone. She's still that today. I had a name for you too, but I can't remember it. It was like funny or memorable. That is so funny. So we've never I don't think we've ever publicly shared that. But I knew. I knew she was going to be there, or I was expecting her to be there. She's the only one I knew would be there. Is that crazy? Wow, that's pretty good. Yeah, But it was like I was nervous because I'm like, I mean, he just it was the same thing as me. Everyone's like it would be great together as like we hadn't met, like we didn't know, like you know, what the connection would be. So when I walked in that night, I still like even walking in, I was like what am I? Yeah? But how did you know? How did you get each other's phone numbers? Like this Instagram? Yeah? Like a message? Were there multiple contapts that reached out to you? No? No, you know It was a little different with Becca because she had been on the show. Like I, I didn't want to put her through a show again if it wasn't worth it. But I knew that I was interested, and so I was like, what how else are we gonna do this? There was no other option other than for than for her to come on the show. But then again, it just still was and I think it worked out like it wasn't a bad decision, right, No, no, not at all. You know, I love you so but that was that was it. So nobody has known that until scrubbing in, and I thought this was a good time. Yeah, that's great, that's a great teaser. It's weird kind of the burden that's been lifted off my shoulders that it's so funny. I've always been like I've never told anyone, and I don't know why. I thought, like everyone talks before they go on the show, Like, I don't know why. In my head, I felt like I'm going to get put in jail or something. At the time, it was more protecting both of us because it was like, I don't want people to think that Becca has an unfair advantage. Yeah she didn't. I know if anything. I almost felt like it was kind of a disadvantage because it was like all these like fresh people, and I was like old news, you know what I'm saying. No, oh, well, you are thirty now, so take that jab at me right a week, just a weekend to my thirties and you're gonna do that. Where are you thirty, because that's coming yeah? Two months? Oh no, yeah, three months, three months. I'm yeah, it is a little exciting. I don't know how you felt last week, beca but um, I love it. Yeah, it's kind of just like I'm done with it. This is the birthday that I feel like everybody is like scared to get to sporties. Fine, fifties really fine, sixty you know, is whatever it is. But thirty is that Martha. You're like, I'm no longer like I no longer have the option to be immature, and like that's the mark, is like I can't just mess around anymore. Yeah, then you've been mature since you're like twelve. I bad, No, I think. So I've had this there, I don't. I don't know if I've shared this with you too, but you know I've I've smoked my tobacco pipe I read, and I try like I stay very disconnected from technology on purpose because here's my theory. If I can start prepping myself to be older younger, than getting older will never be a disappointment, will just be like the rest of my life. Yeah, but then it's like that's all you have, Like you're like wasting time of being useful and being dumb because you're not going to like you're entering that whether you want to or not. Is that you're excuse for not texting people back, like yeah, here we we do because was ready to go? Is that what it is? You just like to like play old and put your phone technologies too much for it? All right, Tanya, let's get into this. I don't know, Tanya. I've been I've had this like and this is this is from the heart. I think I've always loved Tanya. I think you know that, Like I just think you are like a light and you bring a ton of light to the people around you, and you walked into this world of entertainment and media and like shine something different than anybody else does. So Tanya to me is like this super se precious ball of a person. And then I've got to know Tanya over the last two years, and she's gotten increasingly angrier at me as time has gone on, and it just kind of like, I think it just kind of came to the surface at I heard Fest this year was Tanya looked at me, and I think her exact words were, go ahead, remember when we used to be friends? Remember when used to be friends? And I said, I never knew we were not friends anymore. And your response was, I can't remember. She just feels like she puts more effort into our relationship than I do. Sure I do, And I admitted that she definitely does. Um And I was hurt because it took me off, like it threw me off where I was like, I didn't realize that we we had tension. First of all, it's like not really tension, man, Like you're kind of making yourself seem more special, Like I see her in the morning and by the afternoon she's like, do you even love me anymore? This is a time I don't get that. So I didn't mean to make myself feel more special. I don't, You're not she don't care that much. But I didn't know this. With a Tanya moved, so I went to Beck, and I was like, that's so sad. He looked literally like someone had stolen his path. So that guy, I don't know what happened, but I don't like this like and she's like, Ben, this is Tanya was like, oh, so I feel like we're mending because I communicated my care. So last week, Tanya facetimes me during my restaurant opening. We had my restaurant opening. Um and I listened to the podcast last week and I heard the quote that Tania just likes to FaceTime at the most inappropriate times, and this is one of those. So I'm doing this tasting with a bunch of people in one room. I get a FaceTime from Tania. I'm like, oh, okay, I'm gonna answer this because it's no longer getting I ever gonna get criticized for not being a good friend of Tanya because I do love Tanya. So I answer. She's in a towel cooking in her kitchen. I thought it was risk a kicking in the kitchen, big robe, but I could tell them, you have no shame to FaceTime anybody anytime. No, my hair was stopping wet, I had no makeup on and had my giant robe on. He in his mind thinks that your big puffy robel. It's really funny. It's like she got this little towel, how barely hanging on a gigantic bathrobe. But I appreciate that. But you answered, I didn't. I did. I answered, and I thought, I thought. After I hung up, I was like, okay, Like that had to show that I cared. Like I walked out of the restaurant, stood outside like told everybody like, sorry, give me a second. Answered and said, hey, Tanya, how you doing. I'm at a restaurant opening. She's like, I get it, Okay, have a good one, just wishing you the best. And I was like, that's freaking Tanya, just being nice. Did that? Did that? Do you feel like that mended things for you all? Did that help? It really helped me on the mend to just be totally fair. I really never had tension towards you. I always say that. I always say, like, remember when you used to love me like tobacco probably probably say weekly, Remember when you used to love me? I get it bi weekly. Really, yeah, So just so you know, that is something that I say andingest. I don't truly, however, I do feel like I put more into the relationship than you do. I agree. I feel like that's true all of your relationships. And I don't mean that in any way that came up meter than I meant to. I get what you're saying because I care a lot, Yes, exactly. Yeah, um, I have some friends that care the exact same way. Back with me. Okay, how often are you communicating with these people? Then? Daily? Hourly? Yeah? I mean all I can imagine is if like to show like your amount of care collided with somebody else's amount of care would be like, like that gives me anxiety at just building it with my hands. It could be something as simple as like showing up for me for something. Does that make sense? So like I have a friend who is always there even when I don't think I need somebody. Does that makes sense? And I can go a day without speaking to her. Pauline and Sophia, Yeah, I can go a day or two without speaking them at all, but I know that there they will show up no matter what, even when I don't think I need somebody. So it's not necessarily about being in constant communication because like, look, I haven't checked my phone and like I don't know how long we've been doing this. It's been a few hours and since the five o'clock this, So I can go a really long time without communicating with people. But it's the it's the it's um the sentiment behind it. Do you think that's just a little more sentiment from you? Yeah? Do guys typically give you that much sentimate Like, do you know any males in your life that have given you that much sentiment? Yes, my dad being one of them, my father being one of them, your dad, Yeah, but that but that makes sense that somebody her dad is like that, and so that's kind of sets up the expectations for the Yeah, that's true. Yeah, well I've got stuff I need to work on. I know that. That's my take away on the Almost Famous podcast. Recently, we've learned that Ben's kind of losing touch with um society in the world. I don't know what's going on with him, but like he hasn't seen any movies. He didn't know there was a new Halloween movie, Like that was news to him. He was like, really it was a new one. How cool? Like he's kind of not involved in the world. I've like separated somehow and I don't know how I thought. I thought The Greatest Showman was two thousand. I thought it was a new movie that really did Okay, do you yeah? Like, are you happy to be a separate It's not. But it's not like something I'm ashamed of. I've gotten ashamed of because it's it's kept me disconnected from other people, like I don't know what people are talking about anymore. Like that's when I realized that during the Almost Famous podcast, people were talking about this stuff, and I was just like, I don't get it, Like I didn't like, I wasn't tracking. And so then I realized, Yeah, I've disconnected myself in the world, which is a bad thing. I'm writing a book right now. So one of those reasons that I yeah, so i'ting book, and and so I've like any time I do have to disconnect, I purposely disconnect. UM. But I'm realizing I'm doing it better than I thought I was. I think I and I don't know if it's just because of um A lot of the guys. I think you've separated yourself from like the Bachelor World a lot, and I feel like you get out of that and it's all it is. Is about social media and pop culture and like what's going on in the world. So there has to be an element where it feels really good to like not have to worry about that or care about that. Yeah, I wonder if you you feel like this, and Kina, you have this, um, this job that is going to sustain you for a long time because you're really good at it. But for me, um, you know, almost famous and my heart have been incredible to me. But I know that like my time on the show piece is done, you know, it's it's done, and and it's and so the the attraction to the me getting pulled back into it, or those opportunities are getting invited to amas and that kind of like that's gonna be fleeting and fading. And I've always been okay with it, I really, but I wonder now that I see it like tangibly happening, that I'm actually a little sad, you know, you like to disconnect myself intentionally from the world because the Bachelor has been good to me. The people are great. I made amazing friendships. It's exciting for me. I get super pumped up. When I went to Vegas. I was giddy, like I had like anxiety because I was so excited to be there with everybody, um and I hope that never faces. I hope I continue to do that stuff, but I have disconnected because of other stuff happening in my life. And I wonder now if I'm starting to like get a little bit emotional of the idea that this is all closer to being done than it ever has been thirty Maybe is that signed for me too? I don't know, I'm I'm dealing with it, Mark, So I almost famous podcast is brought to light some some things going on that I need to dig into. And I do find that interesting, the awareness of the fine nite amount of time that uh the Bachelor or I knew this kind of fame might be connect on to be the batch. Any kind of fame, a lot of it has a certain shelf life to it, and that awareness, I would think would be very stressful, but also in your case seems like it might be a little exciting. It's it's exciting because the next the next chapter is on the horizon. And I got to do all this when I was younger, right like Beck and I both are just turning thirty, and all this happened in our twenties, which is when I would, you know, ideally prefer Ashley said something the other day on the podcast and she said, um, that every for the first time in a long time, she had a Saturday with nothing to do. She was Snara Couch and Jared and hers and she's like, I have no plans and it's quiet. And she's like, I got stressed out that that how long that quiet could last? And I was like, that's actually, like really true. It's finite for me. So I'm excited for the next chapter. Generous has been incredible. You may not hope United as being incredible, and um my heart still will continue to go this podcast I have a blast with and will continue to do what we can while the Batchelor still living and breathing. But it is interesting. I don't know what the check next chapter is now. Well, I think you have a lot of things going on. I mean, I think that's the thing you've established that you want to do something beyond that and not like rely on this. Um. I guess you could call it instant fame that happens when you come off the show. But I also think like you have to look at it too from a different lens, like like I think it's a part of life, and you know what I mean, like take the batchelor, take the fame part out of it, and like this is kind of what happens just in life, you know, when you go through a different seasons. So it's like when people are gearing up to like you know, get married or have a baby or switched professions, and it's like everybody's kind of dealing with this. So it's like I think you can have comfort and the fact that everybody deals with this at different parts of their life, you know what I mean. It's like something coming to it, like college coming to it in yeah. Yeah, like everybody deals with it at just different times and in different ways. So it's like what you're going through a lot of people go through in their lives. It is just through different lens that you're experiencing it. Well, yeah, it's it is, you're right, like that end of college and of high school. Like there's like in early life there's these like direct like endings, Right, the chapter is done, let's move on now there is it's kind of like less clear when the when it fades and when a new one begins, Like it all kind of blends together, and I just have this sense that a chapter is ending. I don't know what that looks like. They could enhance to a whole new arena that's a more funding generous. Is incredible, Like they travel the world and sell coffee for a living. Like that's pretty great. I'm pretty stoked about it forever. But you know, but that's a new chapter. Taking over companies a bit as a new chapter. So yeah, it's it's a it's a in this book. The book's a big deal, So like, who knows what that thinks? Ben? Since you're talking about books, I just need to jump in really quick here because our next sponsor is Audible, which I feel like ties in quite nicely to what Ben's talking about. So it's a time of year when everyone is thinking about thoughtful gifts, and with Christmas write around the corner, it's time it's time to start thinking about what to get your family members. And my dad is a big reader. He reads every night before he goes to bed, So I thought the perfect gift to get him is a membership of Endless Books. So you can choose three titles every month, one audio book and two audible originals that you can't hear anywhere else. UM. I just downloaded a book called Love Does by Bob Goff. I highly recommend the download. It's all about how to love people better and I can listen to it on any service, any time, anywhere at home, at the gym, on your commute, or just on the go. So right now, for a limited time, you can get three months of Audible for just six a month. That's more than half off the regular price. Give yourself the gift of listening, and while you're at it, think about giving the gift of Audible to someone on your list. For more you go to audible dot com slash Becca T or you can just text Becca T to five hundred five hundred. You guys don't want to miss out on this limited time offer. Again, you can get three months of Audible for just six a month, So go to audible dot com slash becaate or text becaate to five hundred five hundred. Who knows, maybe Ben Higgins, maybe your book in the future might be there that I would listen to that too. Also, one more sponsor today is talk Space. UM. Today's show is sponsored by talk Space. It's the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed therapist from anywhere at any time, so all you need is a computer with Internet connection or the talk Space mobile app. That means that you can improve your mental health even if you've had trouble making time for it in the past. So remember that therapy isn't just about venting your innermost thoughts or digging into childhood memories. It's about practical, everyday strategies for stress management and living a happier, healthier life. UM I tried to practice self health by working out, building community and challenging myself to daily goals. But sometimes, as you just need a little extra help, and that's why talk Space is something that's scrubbing in stands behind. The talk Space platform has over two thousand licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life challenges that we all face. To match with a perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of a traditional therapy, go to talk space dot com slash becca. Use the code Becca to get forty five dollars off your first month and show your support for this show. That's the code Becca at talk space dot com slash Becca. I kind of feel like talking to Ben Higgins is like therapy, switching gears, take me out of it? Who was the best kisser on your season of the Bachelor? Was there anyone where you're like outside of you because I just don't think it's fair to No, I don't even want to be involved. Pretend I wasn't on the show. Um, I would say the best kisser. I mean, you know, let's take you and Lauren out of it. Yeah, let's just do that for the sake of respect. Um, you know, I uh, I actually think Joe Joe. Yeah, we had a lot of chemistry, specifically a right, wait what it was? It was a promo showing that Ben wasn't joying this on television. Yeah. A lot of screen grabs of that, a lot of screen gaps. You can google it. I'm yeah, we'll tease it with that photo. It was okay, So the funny part of this, and I'm not ashamed that it happens, right, Like, yeah, it's like periods. It happens. We're going to get to at the end of it's not crazy, but it's not something you like, you know, like my little cousins, my grandma, my mom, like they're watching it and it's already hard enough. So ABC chooses is this beautiful scene where Joe Jenner are kissing in a Jamaican waterfall, and I like, I'm standing separate from her a little bit. It's very clear, like what's happening? And they choose as the little like the scene that the picture that stops and the show does the bachelor in front of So it's not just on for like a split second. No no, no, it's on for thirty seconds. Like you're you get a very good look at what's happening. Mark, did you find it? I don't have a good shot of it. I have something that kind of hint at it. Google. That's the one word. That's the one am I'm making it bigger. That's that, don't don't kill my ego? That making it bigger. Expand the screens. Are you sure? Listen? List? Wow? That would be weird if a waterfall then, I don't know if you've heard that. Your chest is my way. I appreciate it because not many people nowadays appreciate a hairy chest. I know, and I just don't see the point in shaving any longer. But before we get to that, here's a picture of First of all, it's not as bad it's not as bad. They have to have some center. It's enough. Fact you can tell this to the side this issue. I'm glad. I'm glad somebody finally brings it up to me. So all my buddies send me this picture, right, and you would be the only one, probably out of that whole group of girls that I would feel even a tad a bit comfortable with being like Becco, like what the hell, Like why would this be a picture? Like we could joke about it because anybody else said, I'm not that close with But like, finally somebody it up to me, because like this has been on my mind for a long time. You haven't talked about. No, this is this is the still shot that like is the promotion of my season. Like it's like it's yeah, it could be worse. It could be worse. It could be worse. Thinking, yeah, Ali, from what I saw, it looks pretty big. So how have that going for you? Big Ben? Good? You should resume just big Ben, just Big Ben, And yeah, like underneath, like you know, you put like the bullet and then the sub bullet like view promo happens. I mean, yeah, we want to talk. I want to go into your chest being an oasis. Because when we were at My Heart, we were at the pool and all the guys were like, very clean shaven, no hairless on the chest area, like childlike like I'm like, I don't want to like touch it, okay, can there. You've always liked Harry, always talked about that. She likes Harry men Harry everywhere everywhere. She loves hair, a man with hair, and so Ben I remember you were like, what do you like? What do you think? And I was like, I like it. It's different, and we started. I don't even know how it came up on the pot come up, but Tanya really expressed her love for it. Yeah, that was nice. I appreciate yes, because I I'm not like, I'm not ashamed of it. Um, I don't. I'm not insecure about it, like I could fix it if I needed to write, just like all those other guys do. For me, it's more of a I don't. I don't get it on why I would use so much time and effort in life shaving. It's painful and painful, and it's just it doesn't throw me off at all, and the only time it ever bothers me is when I'm around those guys because there, you know, hairless, they're kin dolls, and so I'm saying they're like, I feel pretty good about myself a time, except when I'm on by a pool in Vegas and then I'm going to keep my T shirt on. It's so interesting because the reason why I am very vocal about it is because I have dated guys in the past that have hairy chest and I enjoy it, I support it, and there it's something that they're really insecure about, and like they've been vocal about that to me. So I'm like, I don't know why you're so insecure about. I think it's so sexy. I think it's so hot. I think it's so manly, and it's something that guys can be insecure about. So I do like to voice my opinion on that because I do think that back here be too much for me. I'm not into it. I'm not like, oh, bring on the back here, but if it's there, like it's fine, Yeah, okay, Well I like people like you. It actually happened, you know, when this open minded you know, yeah, and you know what all this happened was right before the show. I was getting ready to groom myself for night one. Um, one of one of the executive producers came in along Gail and he said, what are you about to do? I was like, I'm gonna shave my chest and my body. And then I asked, how can I do this one on the road? Like? Am I going to have the clippers to do this on the road? He goes, yeah, I guess. He goes, but here's the thing. What if you just from night one on you set the standard that like you're not going to shave a chests, like you have to be okay with that now because you can't regret this later. But what if you just try to change the way men groom themselves? And I said, it sounds like a lot easier to me. So we just went with it. So from night one on, I never trimmed. I just just left that oasis ready the girls just out of curiosity. Do you so you trim it? You don't shave it? You do trim it? Um? Yeah, every once in a while. Matter is this scenario? I mean a four guard? Yeah, like a four it's it's it's six and I know that, yeah running it's Ryan. Yeah, yeah, so it's a four. It is a four on a on a straight like electrical razor um and riveting calm. I don't know. Maybe they want to hear, maybe they want their guys to know how to do it the way. I'm taking some notes over here. There's no grimming whatsoever on this on this, no, there is. There is this way too, and that you could do like different um links to make yourself look like you have abs. I do know people that do that, like really like really short, yeah, contouring on the stomach and then a little longer on tops. It makes your chest like bigger abs look smaller. People do that. I just go four all the way top, bob and taking about five seconds, I'm going to go, you know, a little hair down the drain, move on, clean the sink, Clean the sink, Clean the sink. I have some guy questions since spens here, We're just not solicited. I picked him from the Facebook group that have been posted Maddie wanted to know and ask it. I question, and this actually ties in nicely with what we're talking about. How do guys really feel about being intimate with women who have not waxed or shaved. I've had men telling they don't care other mens they prefer a whax. I need to know. It's a great question. Um, I particularly don't care. So when you say shaved, I'm assuming like the pubic region, not like the legs. Right. I think that's what she means, because I'll be honest in in today's age, I still would have a hard time with like harrier legs. It's just not it's evolved as we become. It's still a yeah, yeah it is. That would still be that would still be something that throw threw me off, even though I bet and I you know, I have been in a loving relationship. You get over it like it's not that big deal because you love somebody. You're like, come on, Like I would prefer this, but not a big deal. But if like you're talking about, I think that's like a hook up thing, it still would be an issue with me as far as the bikini area is whatever, because that's my opinion too, because deep down and every guy is a fourteen year old boy who can't imagine that one day he might be able to be intimate with the woman. That's the most exciting thing he can even imagine. So when it's happening, we are so excited to be there and the fact that it's happening. We don't really worry about other stuff like that, and we're not judging, we're not grading, we're not critiquing. We're just so happy to be there. Well, you're welcome. I'm I think that you can't remember if it was you or somebody else. But I waxed. I'm like an avid wax or so every single month I waxed, So for like two weeks. I'm like, I do it for myself because I'm clearly not in a relationship right now. But um, everyone says, what do you do the last two weeks when you like have hair go back? And I'm like, well, it's just a little bit of hair and it's fine. I was like, the person that I'm intimate with doesn't care, you know what i mean. Like everyone thinks it's like this big thing to have like a little bit of hair out on there, and I'm like, really, just just the thing. It's not. It's not that big a deal. So yeah, I could. I would say that would be a very very low, um turn off on my list. Good to know Danielle is wondering if guys overthink as much as we do and This is a pretty standard ask a guy, because girls think they're the only ones who obsessed over texts and what words he sent and what did he mean by that? And they overrannalyze. Do guys do that as well? I mean I think so. I think. I think we like to stereotype each to be super incredibly different. I don't think guys um hang on to it maybe as long and so what I mean, so like a text comes through, it doesn't seem like what you wanted to be. I think you would. I've met more women that i've dated now in the last year and a half, and that hasn't been a lot, but even just texting back and forth that are a lot more direct than I ever remember six seven years ago when I was like in college, like where they'll be like, all right, what's actually going on? Are you really into me? Are you just like Tanya? Are we friends? Are we not? No? We're friends, Tanya like I love you dearly. Um no discounts over here. No, But yeah, I I don't think. I don't think we're that far off from each other. Kelsey posted an ask a guy. Uh, he's thirty nine, she's twenty nine, and they just don't do it. It's been two and a half years and you can count on two hands the number of times if the magic has happened. Is low libido with a guy a normal thing? Or if there's something else going on here? Um? I mean the question they're like, there's a little bit like morals and values and is there any religious like reasons or you know. I know it's been a crazy week the last two weeks where I've been exposed to a couple and we did this song almost famous too, where there's been a lot of trauma and pain when it comes to physical intimacy and sex that has caused people to push back. And I think we're hearing about it more and more and people are talking about it, and we're realizing why people aren't entering into, um, being intimate with their partner. I would say, if you've been together two and a half years and and you love that person, there is something going on there. And if there's no if there's no like conscious choice, where as partners you said hey, we're not gonna have sex or hey, like this is still a reminder to me. If you're not just talking, it's like there's no agreement and you aren't clear on a first talk about it, and second like there does seem to be an issue. Her concern is that he's getting it from some one else, are watching adults videos? I mean, I think that's a fair concern because but again, maybe I'm crazy. But if you're in a loving relationship with enough years, talk to him about it, Like, that's a very easy question to say, I want to be this person for you, Like I'm missing this part of our relationship. Are you getting it somewhere else? Or are you doing something to satisfy yourself? If so, how can I become that? Or how can we replace that with me? How can we get physical together? I think that's a very easy and fair converts not easy con I think it's a fair conversation absolutely, Alicia, what's the best way for a single girl to get a guy's attention? Maybe it's someone you see in real life and don't know them. Is it a pickup line, a smile, sliding into their d M, asking them out, buying them a drink? She says, help a modern woman out please? Yeah, well, yeah, we talked about this sliding into the d M s at the A M A S. Well, we were just talking about and you're like, I've never done it, and so like, do I try it? Do I try? Like what's the you're you were like, what if they don't respond or what if they're not into it? I'm worried about that because of the document, Like I'm worried that it will come back to buy me is like I still something in writing. I still have the uh just a fear of rejection. I know I do, and so putting myself out there like that seems tough. But we're at we're at the uh am a S and it was everybody's talking about how they've met on d ms or they've talked through d M or that's how they connect with people today. And I was like, I've never done it. I even know there's a world that was acceptable. But they're like, of course it is. You just d M somebody. If you find him, you like him, you find him on Instagram and your d M them. Um. So I think that's one way. I think it goes both ways. I think the second piece is if you're trying to get a guy's attention, there is nothing and this is gonna be so cliche, but I think it actually has truth to it. There's nothing that is more attractive than you can tell that a girl is genuinely interested in being authentically themselves. And so if you're interested and you're infinite, and you're intentional, and you're clear, but then you're you also can see and know that that that person is is being themselves, are not trying to impress anything, and the person that you know in that moment is going to be the person that you can build a foundation on to get to know maybe for the next hundred years of your life or whatever. I think that's what attracted me is when that first interaction, when you know that that's going to be the start of something really special for as long as it can last. I think that's great. I think that's really true. And I've said this before. And I was at my first day with my wife and the song Bitch by Meredith Brooks came on the radio, which was a current song at the time, uh, and she started singing to it at the top of her longs on our first day and I thought, Wow, this girl does not care like she is who she is and it's a song I'm a bit, but she's singing it like it's her anthem. And she loved that song, and I thought, I find that so endearing. Yeah, that she just just herself. That's who she is, and that's what's so great about Tanya. That's what everyone loves about Tania. I remember, that's what you asked Dean, because when Dean took me out that first day we went to this concert and I was like jim out like my normal self. I was like rocking out and Marc was like, did you find that end? And he was like, I was into it. Yeah, that's a great like story to prove that point right there is like the perfect and story that is like the base of what I was trying to say. For all that she did, she denies it wasn't our first date. Yes it was. I remember very well that was our first She can't even believe she did that. I was going to say, though, before you slide into somebody's d M, make sure you have a friend in common, because that is the That's how I've actually met and started dating the last guy that I dated and that ended not great. So from that I decided that now on, not anybody that I date has to have one person connected to me so that they can vouch so interesting that that's our standards day too, like that you can actually tell if you know one person in common via social media, like ten fifteen years ago, we would have never known if we had mutual friends. So we talked about it. Interesting. I was gonna ask this is I know, this is what a lot of the listeners are thinking right now, So I'm going to put it out there. Everyone right now listening is thinking, Wow, Tanya and Ben just seem perfect for each other. They both are, they're both very genuine people. They're both very kind people. They really like to give back, they're very they're very much people of faith. What's happening? How come this hasn't gone any further than half? Because God darnet, it sure seems like it should. Goll darn itt bugaboo. Um My response, well, who do you want to respond? First? Generous? Just giving my middle name? Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Um. We get that a lot every time I come, Like every time there's an interaction between Tanya and I, it pops up and UM, I get why, right, But I think that Tanya's need and like her effort into relationships is something that I don't necessarily like. I don't connect on my phone very often, like I do take time away from myself. Um. I think that would have been maybe the first sign that, oh, this is a really good friendship, not romantically. Could I satisfy the needs that Tanya has and not a bad way, just like I am a lot more Um, I just have to be alone a lot more like and I think like for me to isolate myself from the world is really important. And if I want to be the best version of myself when I enter into the world, I have to know that in that time that I have away, I am away. And so I think that would be one thing that say that could be an issue if we're on a date, I'd be like, what do you think about that? Will that always be the case with you? Like, I don't know, to find the one maybe you want to get away with her? I don't know, that's a big that's actually a question that I don't know how to answer. I mean when I was in when I was living with Lauren, there would be moments and she was great about it that I would have to get away for an afternoon, like driving the mountains and read or whatever. Um, and she I don't think she took it offensively Um, but it was really important that I did that so that when I came back into the household that I was the best person I could be for her, because I knew that the more and more that I was around people, I always felt like there was something I had to satisfy, and so I was getting tireder and tireder. So for me to get away it was important. Um but I mean, Lauren and I went on a couple of vacations and it was like the best vacations I've ever had. Like to have that person with you, that partner with you, to explore and to eat out with and to just you know, do whatever it was. It was awesome. But that was the first time in my life that that had been the case. So I think that would be the first thing we'd have to talk through that. Yeah, that would be a that would be the first obstacle. Yeah, first challenge. How do we get through this? How do we get through it? Is interesting though, because a lot of people think because I am this way that I like I'm always with people, But I do actually recharge on my own, Like I'm now living alone and I love it so much. I never thought I would like be this happy. That's interesting, Yeah, newly okay, but I'm like kind of obsessed with it. Like, what is your response to the question about okay? My response, Um, Honestly, I did have a crush on you a while ago, and I think I feel like I told Becca about it, but it was like a weird time where you just like weren't you kind of weren't your eyes weren't really open anything, you were kind of still just like not in a great place. So I think I just kind of turn that key off. And this is kind of what I do with guys like you weren't interested. So then I just kind of put you in the friend box and just put you there. And that's it. Chanyas a hard time switching that, putting that switch back. Once you put somebody in the friend box, they tend to stay in the friend box. Yeah, yeah, no matter what happens. Yeah, And I want somebody that like want, like, because I did have a crush on you, and you I didn't get that back. I was like, oh, well, I don't want someone that doesn't want So then I just kind of was like, man, that makes sense, that does make sense. And I would fully agree that. I mean, I think you both were around for a while. Mark and Easton were around for all that. My eyes were completely shut for a good solid year, like not even interested, not even like capable of talking, not even desiring to find relationship. Every you know, every are you moving on? Uka? It was like, I'm good. I just know that this is the place I need to be at. Um, So yeah, I could see that being completely true. Is if you did find any interest. It was like, but he's just a walking, talking, uninterested man in anything right now. He's a sad sack. It's a sad sack that you know. I I'm I listened to the podcast last weekend. Um, your breakup song. Your lyrics unbelievable. First off, Um, that is a banger. Um, but I wonder it's just a refresher. Yeah, but I get what you're I get what you're saying, because I think I was like a mess of a human for probably a good year after that, Like I went through like the phase of um, like going crazy where I was just like hot mass express, and then I went through the phase of like being sad son. I think that was like a full year. Well, when a couple of months ago, I said something on the podcast about how I would like to Tan you did not date somebody in the bachelor world. I'd like her to think outside that box and go outside the bachelor. A bunch of people on the Facebook group said to me, what about Ben Higgins did have corresting responses? Oh? Yeah, I mean right, but yeah, that was the thing that was nice, Mark. But yeah, it makes sense now because it you know, it would have been and I guess it didn't make sense some we we didn't at least go on a date, you know, like back in the day if there was into here, any any interest, and we both knew it why there wasn't a date back then, But I just wasn't. I just don't think I was interested. I still don't know how, man, where I'm at with that. I'm more and more confident in my singleness than ever before, Like inconfident in that, like feel good about it, not even ashamed of it, just able to live in it, excite about what's next, that new chapter, whatever that is, which makes me, which makes me think, just based on the life that I've lived so far, that when I got really confident in my singleness, something's about to explode, Like singleness will no longer be an option. I don't know, you know how like when you get really comfortable with something and it's like, no, we're gonna pull you away from him. So I don't know what well Tanya saw I had her tarot card reading and she was told that somebody she already knows is going to be the person for her, and she's going to realize it. She's going to realize it in May. So what that's such a long time ago. I was gonna say, what are you gonna do? Tanya? Until May. No, It's interesting because like three weeks ago it was like just all this eaziness because I think like because I have been like I'm very vocal about being single and dating and the last guy that I dated, I was like this could be it, and like you know what I mean, just this has just been like this roller coaster. So a couple of weeks ago was like just all these guys like just it was just like really hectic. And Brad, one of my best friends, was like, Tanya, like all these guys that you're dealing with right now, they're not your guys, Like you need to just like it's hectic energy, Like you need to just like be done. You're moving like out on your own. You need to just like stop. And so I think I like mindfully just at that point kind of like snapped and was like because I haven't really been interested. I haven't not really, no, not at all. And I think it was funny because I did. We did this tarot card thing for Halloween, and she starts flipping everything and everything was career. It was like all it was like this crazy career card stuff, like crazy like really spot on with some stuff. And then there was one card and it had to do with it was a guy that is in my life right now, not in this city, that was for most of time, and so um, she flipped it over and she was like it was like like a living then like of course, I'm like, no, let's just breathe by it because I like I wanted to hear about my career because that's like where I'm at right now, you know. So she flips that one over and then all the girls assisting in the producers and see her and everyone's like, no, no, we need to ask about the guy. Asked about the guy. So then she like does these other things and she goes it's going to happen. It's somebody that you know in your life. Um, but he has to figure something out. And then around May, I swear, I'm not even taking this up. Around May, it's gonna it's gonna come to a head and you're gonna know, like it's all gonna make sense in May. But the other element to this is that she knows the initials of the person. Don't you are an initial and you won't tell anyone she would tell anyone what the initial is because I don't know, because it's just understand that I get that whoa honestly that Tonny. I was thinking about this last week when I was up all night. I went into this place of just really deep thinking, and I started thinking, like, obviously we always talked about like you're going to find your guy whatever, like that's but you're such a um I was. I was just thinking about how like much of an example and like a champion you are for single women who are in their same phase of their life right now, and how like having someone like you to like see and think like when they're struggling or not feeling confident in like not being with someone, to have someone like you who's successful in her career and has amazing friends and is doing like really well in her life. Like that's your purpose right now, because like the people that you're reaching being single right now, you wouldn't be able to reach them if you were in a relationship. I totally agree. I've had so many people like I mean, it's like insane some of the messages that I can and I just like cry because I'm like, I think it's weird too, because a lot of people, a lot of women that are single, they get they're not it's not insecurity, but it's like they feel like they can't stay in on a Friday night, Like I love staying in on a Friday night, Like I'm single and I could care less, Like I love staying home on a Friday night by myself, cleaning my makeup brushes. And it's so weird how just little things like that people can really like cling onto and be like I love that you're single, and yet you don't have to be like out at a bar on a Friday trying to meet someone. And I'm like, because I think that it's all going to happen when it's supposed to happen. I have a bigger faith and trust and something bigger. So I'm like, I don't have to go out of my way to do something that I really don't want to do, like to force it. Yeah, So thanks Becca, Yeah you're welcome. Well I was just thinking, I'm like, that's that's where you're at right now, and you're like reaching a lot more people than if you're in a relationship. I think you're like doing a lot of like really cool things for people. That is like what you're doing right like it's a part of your life. But and like I thought at this point, I thought I would be married for four years at this point, Like I fully was like I was like married with two, but I would have had four and I've done things and like even living alone. I never in a million years that I would live alone. And the fact that I'm capable of doing that on my own and want to do it on my own is like really crazy. Like if you would have asked Tanya at twenty four if she'd be doing this right now, I would be like, what in a way, I'm gonna have two babies by now, you know. So it's really weird. It's really weird because the things that I'm doing that I never even thought, um, we're in the cards. Well yeah, and this is your story. You know, it's not going to always go how we predict, but it's a beautiful story that all makes sense in the end. And it's just crazy to see I was playing out Tanya, You're you're good, You're you're you really are a light to everybody. I heart. There is not one person in here has who has not been affected in some way by you. The best part about Tanya to me, and maybe I just see her, you know once every week when I fly intro whatnot, is that when you enter into a room, people get more joyful than if you weren't there, Like there is this tangible like joy that in who's in with you? Um, And so that's I think that's like a message in us. I told you you're like human sunshine. That's true. And you said also earlier that Tania brings something entertainment that nobody else brings. Yeah, and that's really true. Yeah, and consistently, not just like for the first three months that she worked. It's like no, no, no, this is Tanya. This is intentional, this is her purpose, and it's happened consistently for the time that you've been around. Like, that's that's unique. I think it is. Yeah, it's so nice. I feel like I'm like, what's happening. It's your birthday, it's your half birthday. Um wow, well I hope you want to. I hope you wont our award next week? All right, thank you? Same, It's it's not so much hope though, Like it's when we win the award. Thank you for your pre congratulations. We appreciate. Yeah. Man, they want to talk about periods. So I'm gonna give you an opportunity. Do you want to go or stay for this next part? I'm gonna head out. Yeah, all right, I'll see you guys. Ben. Thank you. I'm so glad. We got to talk about the Virginia thing, we got to talk about the Tony thing, we got to talk about the Boner thing. It's all really special. I feel like you, like visibly look lighter. Yeah I do. It's interesting now that you repeat it, I felt I feel like a burden has been lifted from coming on this podcast. But as you say that back, I'm like, what did we just talk about and how far did we take this? Uh? I gotta go take Lindsay shopping. We're going to the Palisades and uh again, Lindsay has donated her money and time for humanity hope I did, which is awesome. So thanks to my heart for setting that up. And Lindsey and I are going to go shop and drop and I don't know, probably ice cream because Lindsay seems like pretty special. So I'm gonna eat ice cream for for her at the very end of our time together so that I can be somewhere safe afterwards. All right, I wonder if, like any of us, are somehow related to Ben Higgins. I'd love to be, I know, right, do you know how we could find out? How could we do that? Actually? Twenty three and me is named after the twenty three pairs of chromosomes in your DNA. But if you're related to them, then you wouldn't be able to date him. Yeah, oh that's true. I don't want to be related to him, fair enough, okay. Uh. Their service provides you with over seventy five genetic reports about your health like lactose intolerance and sleep movement, traits, your eye color, hair color, or hair curl. Actually I did this and it told me, my Spit told me that I was going to be left handed. How do they know I'm left handed? I didn't know you were left handed for a long time. Yeah, I'm left handed. And they said it in my in Um. All you have to do is spit into the tube provided and mail it back to the lab. So now they have a new podcast. It's called Spit and the new podcast from my Heart Radio with twenty three in me. It discusses how science and DNA plays a role in society and in our lives, and how your DNA story can be experienced today, and a whole lot more so It's uh. The host sits down with the biggest artists and influencers of our time, including Emmy winning Darren Chris who we love right um singer John Legend, to discuss their own twenty three in me. So join us, subscribe to the Spit podcast, learn more about the DNA found in your spit and understand who we are genetically and how we are connected to the world around us. So listen to full episodes now on the Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. As we said goodbye to Ben, they took some selfies and Tanya, who has taken maybe ten tho selfies in her life just figured out where to look for the first time ever. I've never seen you not look at the That was you were looking like off though, Like, yeah, it was weird. My eyes about that weird. Something something went arive, something to go a right. But I've never looked at the dot before. It was almost like you were looking for like almost like you were looking at me in the camera. That's how far over your Oh what were you checking out? What were you interested in? I guess our symmetry. I don't know, but I don't like being the one to take the selfie because I feel like I look prettier when someone else takes the selfie. I just can't get everybody think about the shape in my face. I don't like when i'm yeah something yeah, Like when I do it, I can't get everybody in the frame well yeah, because you're in the middle of that one. And how much better is that? I did? Okay? On this? Um Ben is a gem, great guy, white, a catch for somebody. He doesn't seem like he's not looking really he'll be ready by me. That is insane. Who else do we know from different cities? Um Like, are there certain or there some I mean, no Bobby, but like oh Jason Tardy, Chicago guy. It said that they did say, like, my, you know, things would for some of those things that have to take a very serious turn in a different direction. But never know, there's a lot of time in between now and May. All right, so for weeks time he's been wanting to talk about periods and we have some time. Now, what is it the exactly that you would like to say about periods? So many things, like so many things. All right, I'm gonna turn my mic off. Well I don't I don't have much to contribute to this. Oh my gosh. I think periods are wonderful. I look forward to them everything. I just feel like we need to like open the conversation because guys get squirmy about like I always want to talk about periods on the Morning show, and Marks always like, well, that's an interesting thing because you're broadcasting to all of Los Angeles, all ages and families and old and young, and we just have to keep that in mind that some people would not be enjoying that conversation. This show is different like talking about it. If there's something to talk about about, it is fine. But like I don't like getting my period, like it's not comfortable. I don't like thrive when well my period, So I don't like to really talk. I mean, I'm just blackly. But that's the thing, Like we're all not thriving when we're on our period, but we all get them. But talk about me not talking about it isn't because I'm scared or embarrassed about it, or it's literally because I'm already on it. I don't want to talk about being on it. So I get like really tired around my period, like the last thing I want to do is or anything like anything like that, And so it really takes a lot, like I literally have to sit there and be like, Tanya, you can do this, and I will literally stand there and just say, Tanya, you can do this. I I get like the day before mine, I am so irritable. I almost punted Phoebe off of the balcony because she is fully potty trained in my apartment and she looked at me. She got I guess was mad at me and looked at me, and I impete on my carpet. And when they look you in the eye and do it. Oh, it was so disrespectful and like the the I would have been upset anyway, but I'm normally pretty chill most of the time. The level of anger I felt, I was like, Oh, I'm about start my period, and I started my period the next It's true, Becca, can really call it like you have? Really, you're really in tune with your emotions. Yeah, because when I start feeling like things are bothering me that shouldn't bother me, I'm like, I think I can blame this on my period. Yeah, you get irritable. I get really emotional. I'm super emotional around my period. You're emotional all the time, that's true, but it's heightened around my period. Do you all's wives get different? Like? Are they do they act out? I don't really notice much difference, and that's certainly not something I would call attention to if I did. That doesn't seem like a good move. Yeah, is that time? Yeah, that's not nice and that's not a good thing to say. Uh No, I don't really notice much of that. Yeah, what how much pain do you experience on a monthly basis? Because that seems to be a wide range. Some women it is no big deal, but some women are down for the count. I minds like the first day, I'm like uncomfortable and cramping, but if I take my all, it will go away. I have friends who are literally can't do like they're like you said, they're down for the count. Heating pads. Some of them have to go to the hospital sometimes, Like it can get really bad. I've had days running like a heating pad plus motor and plus all the things. It sounds horrible. I always feel so bad because men don't go through this, you know. And Alison and I she hates them bringing this up. We used to work at a movie theater together and she would come in with one of those hot water bottles, like the kind of you see a cartoon like the big rubber ones. Became one of those just kind of like by your side, and it was felt like very like depression era. But she's like, I need this. I am in so much pain. I felt so bad for and uh yeah, it's just not come. It's like there's a lot that about it that's not physically comfortable. And on top of that, you do feel like mentally like you're just irritable and you feel exhausted and you're like losing parts of yourself, Like I truly feel like I'm losing parts of myself and I'm like, I feel like I'm being drained when I'm on my period. What's happening. I know that's tough. Nobody wants to have this conversation having it, but it's just it's like if I was like I really it was like when we talked about Olive Garden and you're like, why are we talking about love Garden because it's like when you're there your family, But it's like, I mean, yeah, we all get them. For the most part, I would just think that they suck. I guess unless you are not trying to get pregnant, it's very exciting to get your period. Okay, you know what, then have you had that when you're like, oh, thank God? Have you had those moments when I get my period? Oh? Yeah, like thank you? Like I would, I would do the deal with God, like if I get my period, I will blah blah blah blah blah. Um. So we can table this, we can throw it to a listener to shout us out. If there's anything about periods topics, Yeah, there's Tampons are the industry standard, right, Pads don't seem as common, and I'm sorry for my ignorance. Um, No, that's not ignorant at all. Actually, I know one woman that we work with that only uses talk. Really. Yes, I also know people who because of the like chemicals and stuff that tampons are soaked in, won't use them and we'll only use pads. I could never because that sounds like torture. What's wrong with paths? Just there's just like doing in your own films. Do you remember wearing a diaper as a young child. It feels like that. Yeah, we at the Diva cup. Where do you stand on that? I've never tried to Oh yeah, if you're our listeners, if you've tried to wag in here, and we'd like to know what you wanted? What would you like to talk about with the period? And we see commercials where they have wings on the pads. I don't even know what that is. They like you can hold them and they stick and stay in place on new I always thought that's what they were. Back back home in Santa Cruz, I went over to a young lady's house and open her refrigerator and I saw a mason jar full of liquid and I understood that some people keep the discharge and they cook with it. Actually, like I'm going to vomit. They cook with it, cook with it. This is a very very hippy dippy thing to do. And I immediately canceled my plans to have spaghetti and meatballs that night. Hit her house. But that that's crazy, right, Like I mean, I want to judge it. I did not tell your kidding. I'm not kidding this. Can I tell you? I have heard that, Um, this is a thing if you put some of your period blood, if you put it in your guy's food and he eats it, um, he'll marry you. Why is that funny? I hope that the guy in May is. I hope he's not listening. I'm not saying I'm not saying I I've tried this, but I have encouraged people to do it. It just became May of kept getting pushed back. She did. I know, well, Eastern took it to a dark place. But I think we can wrap it up. I love more Eastern took it. It was educational. Indeed, it was we need to thank some people. Let's than care of vitamins. You get off your first month of personalized care of Vitamins, visit take care of dot com and enter beach Body on demand. Our listeners can get a special free trial membership, including their new fourteen day results plan where you can lose up to nine pounds in the first two weeks a pound and a half a day. We figured out pound point four day one point four a day. When you text Becca to thirty thirty thirty, what do you tax to thirty Becca? Audible? Remember you can get three months of Audible for just six a month. Go to Audible dot com slash beckat ta or text Becca t to five five hundred. Talk Space go to talk space dot com slash Becca and use the code Becca to get five off your first month and show your support for this show here Scrubbing in with Becca an Tanya. That's talk space dot com slash Becca and twenty three the news podcast Spit. Listen to full episodes now on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, we got some food brought in today for Teddy Mellencamp and the whole group that came in and worked out with her. I don't know where to begin. Luna Grill phenomenal. Yes, I have to say I ate, They're like, I think it was the veggi kebab d delicious. Well, that's the thing is, you can incorporate healthy eating into your lifestyle at Luna Grill. It's a cross between fast casual and full service sit down. I feel like that's where we're going. That's a trend, that's where you want to be. Luna Grill combines the best of both worlds, giving down to the option of orders to go deliver via online Postmates, door Dash. Whatever you need healthy Mediterranean food, Luna Grill in the Grill app also the Great Dane Baking Company. Okay, can I tell you that this is my family's like local bakery. Yes. They provided the cake for our scrubbing in um Vote party that we hadn't cinnamonica And I was like, this cake is beautiful. First of all, it was gorgeous, gigantic cake. It needs to taste great, it needs to look great. Yes, and they taste delicious, but they really do an extraordinary job of making them look so good. So when I found it, it's in Lost Lomatoes and looking in the Gale. They make amazing custom cakes, wedding cakes, pastries. They're best known of course for the blue velvet cake in their bear class and it's true, like truly what a gem this great Dane bass. Thank you to think thin. They sent over there, protein and probiotics, hot oatmeal, great taste, a billion cf us of live probiotics, six grams of fiber, ten grams of protein in each bowl. The energy to start your day supports you well this they got cinnamon, almond, maple, pecan, blueberry harvest and grocery stores are one mark. What do both of us eat every single morning, every day, every day? And Teddy Melancamp, what can you say about her? Well, I mean there's not enough time, but the all in by Teddy the thirty minute cardio workout is all about taking charge of your fitness, anytime, any place, and with two different impact levels in one video, you can decide which is perfect for you. So I obviously I loved Teddy support her um and I think you guys should do cardio. Yeah that's great, do that every day and thank her later, thank her later, or if you want to get extra credit, do it twice. Good call um. Anyways, thank you. We have had some big shows like I am like so proud of this podcast. I have been I've been proud of this podcast since stay one, or really I yes, since day one, but obviously once Tanya came on, it really became an element of like this could really be something. And so these past few weeks have made me realize, like, I know, we have the People's Choice nomination and we're gonna win. It's gonna be awesome, but like beyond that, we're doing something really cool here Ryan Seacrest, Sarah Drew, Justin Brunig, James Maslow, The Lady Gang, Pique, Scrubbing It Pek, and like Ryan seacrests asked to be on ouray, so like now we can be like Ryan seacrests asked to be on our podcast? Do you want to be on it? You like to be on it? You know, like we have some leverage here. Yeah, you should get audio him asking and he's like send people in boxes. Um. But anyways, I'm proud to work with y'all and I'm really proud this podcast. It's really just like something that feels like right, and that we're doing something bigger than just talking about periods every week and other things. I agree with your sentiment Back at Tilly and I think that we are all better people for having you in our lives. Wow, thank you. I'm really thriving in my thirties. That's that's right. A weekend, so far, so good. Um, I think we we haven't really gotten to do well. We did a lot of ask you guys with Ben so that we did. Yeah, but keep the emails coming, scrubbing in at iHeart media dot com. We'll get to a bunch of the next week. UM. I would next week, I'd like to talk more about Grays. I had some breakthroughs with storylines that I'm interested in. Me too good. We need to talk to that. Yeah, um, do you want to call it? I called it last week, So it's up to you. Fifteen o four Time of Death fifteen o four. Don't get rusty when you don't do it for a couple of weeks.