Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya RadWe have Kelly Stafford hanging out in the O.R.! Kelly is married to LA Rams quarterback Matthew Stafford, but we’re going deep into her life as so much more than “Matthew Stafford’s Significant Other”.
Kelly and Tanya discuss imposter syndrome, how to find your true identity, and how she’s raising her daughters to be modern women.
Plus, Kelly has some incredible wedding advice for Tanya that could completely change her planning!
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya d An iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in. We are songs Becca Tilly today, but have no fear. Tanya, rad and Easton are here. That's right, And Kelly Stafford is going to be joining us today. She's going to be in the o R. Are you familiar with Kelly Stafford?
I am. I've heard her name before, but I don't know the context. So I know her name. I know Stafford, the.
Last name, right right, right right. I am the same way. I also was familiar with the last name of Stafford because you know I'm a football fan. Of course, yes, naturally, But she is married to the quarterback of the Rams. His name is Matthew Stafford. And she's also a fellow podcast door all right. Yes, her podcast is called The Morning After, and you know, I've been listening to her podcast. She seems really really cute. I feel like she's going to be like one of the girlies. I do have a hickey on my neck.
Hell yeah, can you see it?
Yes, So I'm gonna I doubt she's gonna say anything, because, like when you just meet somebody, you're not gonna be like, Hey, is that a hickey on your neck?
She might though, but I'm curious if she fun.
That's where we are this morning, So is she a wag?
Does that count the remember the wives, wives and girlfriends, right.
Wives and girlfriends of athletes of athletes? Yeah, I guess Yeah, she's definitely a wag. I'm excited I have an athlete.
But before she comes in here, I do want to know more about this hickey, just so we can get out of their way. Intentionally, No, it.
Was an accident, but I didn't realize. I didn't realize how bad it was until I was facetiming with my mom for Mother's Day and.
Did she say something? Yeah, because I was like looking.
Over, I like had of like Sunny was barking at TV, so I like and my mom was like, what is that on your neck? And I was like, you know, in my thirties and yet I bruise like a peach.
I think that's a great sign, though, if you if you're giving and receiving hickeys at any stage of life, I think it's wonderful, you.
Know, thank you. I haven't had one in a very very long time. Lunch, Yeah, I feel young again, I feel youthful, basically back to my teenage years. So here we are. I put makeup on it, though.
It's not like if you hadn't said anything, I probably wouldn't wan to notice. Okay, now that I can't stop looking ahead, and I'm sorry I can't look away.
I know, but you know we're here. We're proud of it. That's right, that's right. So without further ado, should we bring in Kelly Stafford in the O R.
How are you guys? Thank you for having me.
Thanks for being here. I wanted to start off the podcast by saying this because well, I'll explain why, but I actually don't know anything about football. I only know who you're husband is because of the notes that I have been given. I don't know. I've heard the name obviously, but I'm not really big into football. I know you and I wanted to have you on our podcast because of your podcast. The morning after I found it through my friend Sophie Julia, and I was like, oh my gosh, because your name are brought up in our meeting and I was like, yes, I want to have her because I've seen about the podcast. So I just want you to know that I know you as a fellow podcaster.
You know what, I really appreciate that because there are and whenever someone comes up to me it's like, I don't know anything about football.
I'm so sorry. I was like, no, I love that.
Yeah, I love that you know nothing about football because that's like the last thing I want.
To talk about. Yeah, So I appreciate that.
No. And I was listening to your like the couple most recent episodes of your podcast, and that's why I wanted to mention that to you, because the episode specifically where you were talking about imposter syndrome and always feeling like you're just Matthew Stafford's wife and like having that as like your title and your platform and all all of the intricacies that come with that. And so I deal with that tremendously as well, Imposter syndrome, and so something that I really wanted to talk to you about because again, like I don't know anything about football. I obviously I know the name. I'm not like I don't live under a rock, but I think that there's so much that comes with that because I think, especially as women, we do take that on like I don't deserve this or I only have this because of X one whoever that is in their life, and it's usually a man. And so I think that it's a really relatable conversation no matter who your person is. You know, it doesn't even have to be somebody in the public.
Guy.
I think that women just kind of have imposter syndrome for many other, many various reasons. And so I wanted to talk to you kind of about that walk of life because you you've been married for how long?
Ooh nine years?
Okay, yeah, but you've been dating for a long time, right.
A very long time. Started with like the whole on and off situation in college.
But dated, Yeah, dated for many years, lived together for many years before we actually got married. So for a long time since I was I mean, I would say I was known as his significant others since I was like eighteen.
That's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot to take on, yes, And okay, So and for those listening, I'm sure you know who he is, but he is the quarterback of the Rams. He's really good.
Thank you.
Well, I won't call you out, but you didn't say you knew much about football, so I appreciate you saying that.
I know that he's take it.
So my fiance is a big football fan. OK, So I know a little bit, but I know that he's very good.
I think so too.
And but I do I really appreciate just the fact that you guys have been together for so long, you have four beautiful kids, and there's something about commitment that I just love, especially you know when it comes from a man in the sports world, because you know that that connotation, that kind of sure. Yeah, and so I really I do it. I know I don't know him, but I really admire him and that aspect of of your relationship in your life.
Yes, I will say, I mean is a He's a good He's a very good man and has been that way for the most part since I met him. Like I said, there was a little on and off at the beginning, but.
That's kind we've all had that.
We've all been there and there's a little love hate. But he is he is a very he's a great dad. I mean, he's just he's meant to play the role he's in right now. And when you say imposter syndrome like some he's so certain in his role as a father, as a husband, as an NFL quarterback. Sometimes I'm like, is that why I feel like I don't have a role because I'm not so certain?
Yeah?
Yeah, and so that's where kind of the imposter syndrome started to come in, and it came in early on. I just never knew what it was like really put a name to it one or two really see from the outside as to the effect it was having on just like the person I was, because.
Like, so you're eighteen, You're going into this relationship, and I know you started your podcast in twenty twenty one. Yeah, so what was like those years before you started the podcast. I feel the podcast really kind of gave you a voice, your platform, kind of this lane to go down before you started the podcast. What were you doing in that face in that phase of life?
Yeah, I would say when I was we were into trade for twelve years. Obviously had all of our kids there, but even before my kids, was doing nursing school and kind of in the nursing world, which I loved, but then had my kids and that was kind of taken away in a way.
And I love how people were like, well, you could still work.
But to be honest, we were in Detroit for seven months, in Atlanta for five months, so the whole part time part time wasn't really a thing, and I still wanted to be home with my kids, and I had was blessed with the luxury to be able to do so, which I'm grateful for. But I really, during that time when I couldn't figure out who I was, what I was supposed to do, kind of dove into some charity stuff, which really gave me a feeling just like worth peroay, yeah, purpose and you know what, probably more purpose than anything else that I've ever done. And so that's kind of what I dove into and put my full heart into it. Then we moved out to La and it's starting over again because all of our charity work was in Michigan, to a state that gave us so much we just wanted to give back, and moved here and kind of hit ground zero again and through I would say through the podcast, to be honest, is when I really realized who I'd become is not the person that I thought I was, if that makes sense. Like I was trying to be someone else for everybody else.
When you were in your charity role, like you wanted to say, Once I moved to La, Okay, well, no, I'm sorry being somebody else for I. We else started probably when I started dating my husband, because there was a you know, oh, I never felt like pretty enough, or good enough, or just like talented enough in anything, and so there were those times were I would do anything and everything to try and be that instead of what I actually was. Is that a product of dating someone that's an athlete in the public eye. I'm sure that when you were dating him, girls were like.
I think you know what, I think it's a product of just to be honest, I think it's more a product of social media.
Interesting, Yeah, my husband.
Is very shy, so and you know, when people look at him, I wouldn't think that people would think he was an athlete. So and as most women don't know many football players in general, or like you know, I would say most women don't know football as much.
As like men know football.
Now there would be eyes turned when there's guys going, oh that's Matthew Stafford, than all the girls would turn then. But to be honest, the most part, I think it was a product of social media and people telling me what I should be doing, what I should be looking like, you know, things like that. And I started to believe it and actually follow their instruction. People I never know, right, just total and people on the internet, strangers.
But it does, like, I really appreciate that you talk about this because, again, even though you are in a very unique situation, I think that the sentiment and the feelings are very real and can be felt by any woman, because we all have that same you know, even if you're not dating something in the public eye, you could have that you're dating somebody that that's a very confident man, and then maybe you start to be like, oh, well, I don't have all that going on, and I need to look a certain way or I need to act a certain way, and because of people he dated in the past. So I just think that the sentiment is like, very very real. So all these people are telling you all this stuff on social media and then you start to kind of chameleon into those things.
I would say, like, how did did you change it?
You said you change your style.
I mean not really, Oh I never had styled again with so I didn't change, you know, it was just kind of I would say, like the way I carried myself more so than anything else, I was always very outgoing. I kind of walked into a room, and I would want to meet everybody and kind of find everyone's stories. And as time went on, I started really pulling back because I just didn't feel confident enough to do what I used to do. And I'm still I'm still in that place a little bit, but I would say it had to do.
Like with overall personality.
I started just kind of like playing the role of like the person on the side, you know, the the.
Right, the cheerleader. You know.
People always say you're standing next to him, and I was like, no, I'm standing behind him.
Because even when I'm next to and it's true, like yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so true.
But even if I'm at these things with him and I'm talking to somebody and I'm feeling good, I can like see them look over They're like just waiting for their opportunity to talk.
To him right right right, which is horrible.
Feeling because I feel like I could be really fun. So I just started shutting off completely.
Right, You're just attend things but not really be present a body there.
Yes, I would respond when asked a question, but I wouldn't really put I mean, I just whenn't I wasn't myself yeah, and it's tough to get back to that once.
I've been out of it for so long.
And you know, I would say, like inside and at my house or just with friends that I've known for a long time. I was totally myself and could be myself. But you know, when you are in not where you're from and not where all your friends are, and we are in Detroit, and I shut myself off there, and then we came to la I kind of promised myself I wouldn't shut myself off here because I realized how lonely it was. But you get burned over and over again sometimes. And when I say burn like like I'm saying people kind of using you to get to my husband, right, So yeah, it's just been And I would say like, yeah, I've changed my look a thousand times, and I've tried to exercise as much as I can and try to be as in shape as I can, especially after having kids, like you see on social media's women have six packs after and I'm like, what the.
Hell, honestly, don't I don't. I don't have like children that I birthed on my own. I have my fancy has two kids, so I have two step kids. But I look at the same thing and I'm like, it blows my mind. How these women just it's like it's like the term is bounced back in six weeks after they have a kid. I'm like, I don't understand it.
I don't under I'm like, the human body is not even supposed.
To do that.
How are you? How do you have six apps? Have six ads at the store?
I barely have two right now.
I'm like, dang, but.
I love those too.
I you know those two pop? Yeah, those pop. It's really a good day them. But you know, it's it's it is.
It all feeds into it all, just like the confidence and being you know, the person that everyone wants me to be, within losing who I actually am and who I want to be. Yah, and especially now I have four daughters and I feel like imposterations really does affect women, and you know they're going to.
Grow statistic on that and I don't know it off the top of my head, but it's like the majority women that deal with it, yeah, so well you think.
Like they have kids and they kind of lose themselves through that in a way, and then all of a sudden they're not the same person that you used to meet. Now.
I think you're supposed to change when you have kids.
I think that's part of it, but you still want to try to remain the same. And I want to do that for my goals because they are going to grow up being Matthew Stafford's daughters, right, and I want to make sure they know that they are not just not their identity. Yeah, it's like one part of the whole one hundred percent. But it's scary because I got sucked in so quick and I lost myself so quickly. And I was a very confident person, you know, and my best friend to tell you, you know, she never see me vulnerable with the guy ever, And I was vulnerable with Matthew, which I think is important, right because that means I truly loved him. But that's just how much confidence I always had. And it's not commdence of like, oh I'm hash's confidence of like, hey, I'm a fun girl, I might have a good time, I'm easy to talk to you, and if you need me, I'll be there. But I mean, I truly think I a lot of that within the last decade, and so you know, I'm working on it, trying to see the therapist I need to see and just build myself back up to you know, what I believe is truly myself, not only for me, but also for my little girls.
So yeah, if I'm getting too personal, you can tell me you're good, okay, because no, I do think it's like when you bring all this stuff up, especially with like kids, I think that I wasn't such a product of it because my parents are from Serbia and so they never really had that, Like they didn't go to college out here, so I was never I never felt pressure to go to a certain college or go to a certain school or whatever. But I see it a lot now, like kids are so pressured to like follow in the footsteps of their parents, whether that be this pro athlete or a pro musician or going to this college and like being in the sorority, and it's like there's so much pressure there. And like, I think what you're saying about your girls, it's not just like defined to them as like athletes daughters, it's just kids in general.
Oh, I totally agree, And I think you know when you say kids are getting pressured to do what their parents did. Matthe and I both went to Georgia, And it would make my heart so happy if they decided to get back to the South for college because it is so fun. And that's what I say, Listen, it's really fun. You don't want to go there, totally fine. I would love for you stay closer to here, if we stay in California and whatnot. But it's actually, you know, everyone which is so crazy. I even am reading this, but everyone's like, oh, can you please give him a boy? Like, give him a boy? Try to do it again, do it? You can do it one more time. And I'm like, first off, my husband never wanted a boy because of the pressure that that boy would feel a professional athlete or you know, a men's read. I know there's women's pfessional sports as well, but he just didn't want that for any of his kids. He was like, my daughters can be anything they want to be and there's so zero pressure for them. So he was already like thinking ahead, and you know, I'm in the background going, our boy would be a better athlete.
Than you you know, and there's but that's already pressure, do you know what I mean?
Like, this kid isn't even it's I think it's innate in us, to be honest, So it's like you kind of have to work against the grain to like really see it in yourself because I think that it just it naturally happens to us, because I think at the end of the day, as human beings and as adults, like there's a little bit of like ego narcissism when you have kids, Like yeah, there's competition, yes, and it's like it's just in you. So I feel like you really have to be like hyper aware of it and almost work backwards.
It is. It's crazy.
It just happens naturally, it does, you know.
And I really and I do think like social media and you see other kids doing all these crazy tricks or soccer play and you're like, what.
The hell, why are you?
And you know when you put this like weird and that's that is something because I grew up playing sports and I want my kids to do that. But I also they're like really artistic, which is not in my blow wheelhouse. Oh I have no idea how to like fester that and like help.
Them, like right right, really, you know, I'm like do I put them in painting classes? I don't know.
So there's there is it's it's and I would say it's very common for parents to push their kids in the direction that they went, and that's why I'm and I'm doing.
My best not to shove them into sports. But I'm also like teams. I also think team sports are very important.
Because like team building, working together, team.
Work, there is something accountability to be there for your team.
Like there's so many lessons in it, right, But I have to watch myself a little bit because it's true, Like I just really believe that parents sometimes pushed too hard and it backfires.
Yeah, so you mentioned this about you know how you like moved and you move and you would want your kids to go back to the South if that if that's where they choose to be, forgive my naivete in the sports world. But so he is now with the Rams, so you're in La, Yes, but is that that's not a forever thing he could go to.
But he's like the like he's so, I don't know if we would necessarily go anywhere, Like if it was time, it might be.
Time, god, you know, I mean yeah, yeah.
Now I'm not saying that as for certain because you never know.
But this is his sixteenth year.
We've been doing this a long time and some at some point it's some point close, it's gonna be time to hang it up.
So this is LA's kind of LA's is where you're landing. Okay, that's good because I have a couple of friends who are in that in the same kind of I don't know, what do you call it? A wag?
Do you do?
You take offense to that term?
No?
I don't. I don't use it, but I don't take offense to Yeah, okay.
Okay, yeah, in that in that space, and I'm like, it must be so I'm like a creature of habit. Like, I'm just like such a creature of habit. So to just pick up and move at the drop of a dime seems very difficult. Are there other women that are in your position in the NFL that have like come to you for advice on that type of stuff?
Yeah, you know, it's tough because I'm we're lucky in the fact that Matthew was in one place for twelve years, and that's rare. I mean it's usually like a couple of kicker or a quarterback or a long snapper. I mean, positions that last a long time in one place.
But I try.
I don't think people come to me for advice on that because I haven't moved that much, which I'm very lucky for. But I will say whenever there's new people coming in, you know, I try. Especially in Detroit, I felt like I was like I'd been there so long, I'd known everything. Detroit's kind of a scary place if you don't know it right, And so when new girls would come in, I immediately reach out and just be like, Okay, hey, this is let's grab lunch's so they can kind of figure out where to live, where to not live, stuff for kids, things like that, because you do you show up and they're kind of your husband or your singer brother goes to work right and change for them.
Yeah, and you're like, the hell do I do all day?
Right?
Right? Where do I grocery stop?
I mean, it's just like the little things, but it makes a huge difference, and you're kind of just dropped, like, you know, you get traded. I My biggest fear, my biggest like I feel so sad for, just like Wanta Hug is the people that get traded in the middle of season.
They have families.
Yeah, so like what does that happen often.
I mean it happens, you know, when there's like a trade deadline, But when if teams are pushing and are doing well, they'll trade for people that can help them. And usually, to be honest, it's veterans that they're trading for it that have families, right, and so that you know, kids are in school, Like how do you pull them halfway and you have to find another school or do you separate the family, which there's you know, I always told Matthew, I can't let that happen because I need him and his girls need him. Yeah, and so you know, if we got traded, then we would have to drop everything and go.
Yeah.
Luckily I haven't had to deal with that quite yet. LA was in the off season, so we had time to figure everything out.
But I could not imagine.
And like, there's also women that have careers that are dating or married to these men, right, and all of a sudden they're having to move across country.
Right.
So it's something that people don't really note or realize. Is like the tough part of one of the tough parts of being a significant other of any professional athlete.
I can change.
I think about it way too often, especially considering that I'm not really into sports, but I think about the women in that role a lot, and I feel like, especially I think this year, and I don't want to like only credit Taylor Swift because she's dating Travis Kelcey, but I feel like, with her name is escaping me the forty nine ers wife that did all the Kristen Yes Yes, So with her, you know, creating all these pieces and then getting that deal, and you know, just various different women that are rooted in the NFL and just kind of becoming these powerhouses. And it's really really cool because I think there's this there's this misconception that when you're dating a man that has this big role or an athlete, let's not even say an athlete, a singer or an actor or somebody with a public eye, that the woman has to be smaller. And I think that we're starting to really see that narrative change, and I think that that's really cool because also it's somebody that to me, athletes just in general, men and women, they are so dedicated and so disciplined and just to do what they do, they have to be that way. And so I'm like, how cool to have a partner that has that same drive and passion that you have. You know, they don't have to be smaller. They can be your equal. And I feel like it wasn't like that for a very long time. Like I feel like the conception, the misconception was the woman has to be smaller.
I would absolutely agree with you, And it's like one of it's actually one of the things I mentioned on the podcast I had. But you know, everyone gets upset when, or like seems like, gets upset when these women who are seeking failures of these athletes or anyone in the limelight really uses that platform to do something.
Right, right, right.
And I think that's why a lot of women just sit back and they don't because the narrative behind it.
So interesting, and it's like you being like.
Oh, you were just given that right.
You only have that because that's your husband, And you know, I like, look at all how many there are so many women that are out there that are married to athletes that aren't doing anything right.
And I and you know what, and I would say to like, those women are probably doing things that we don't know about. But I also think that some women have this feeling of well, if I try to do something, then I'm just using my husband or whatever in his platform because I think they see when women do do it, that's kind of what how they get torn down a little bit, right, you know, I've been told so many times just to shut up and sit down, and I'm like, and I'm passionate.
Listen. I've made my mistakes, plenty of them, right, but.
I also am always if it is a real mistake, I'm always the first one to apologize. And I also just think like, yeah, I'm human, but also I deserve to go after something I want to go after just because my husband's here and I you know, it's funny. My sister called me after the podcast and she was like, you're telling me like I was given a job by Uncle Johnny, but they kept me on.
Because I was a top salesperson.
Like you might be given certain things because of connections, which I feel like that's that's how honestly, people do get jobs.
You connected somehow.
Right, right, and then you have to work your ass off to keep it right. And so I do feel like that is she made a lot of sense to me. I was like, you know what, You're right, because I felt this guilt it's like horrible guilt that I was kind of using my husband's fame to do a podcast when really I was like, we rarely even talk about football. But that's because the outside was making me feel like I didn't deserve it.
Isn't that crazy, though, that that the opinions of people that you don't even know will stop you from doing something that you're passionate about, or that you love, or that you want to even try, that you wanted to explore, and you're gonna not do it because of the fear of the criticism or what people are going to say.
That's so sad, isn't it.
I know, and I do think that's that's part of the world we're living in.
I know, but everybody always says, you know, quiet the noise, don't listen to anybody, And I'm like, it's so much easier said than done.
Yeah, And you know, people are like, well, there's so many positive comments, and I'm like, well, there's that, and I will and it's now I feel like that's like the world. Like humans these days, we just find the negative and we sit on it, yeah, instead of all the positives that came from it. And you know, I was the podcast you were talking about. I absolutely love doing is actually on a whim. We had some extra studio time and I had it on my heart for a long time, and I was like, I'm.
Really scared to do to talk about it.
I think I left and my producer is actually sitting here. I left, and I was like, ooh, I don't know about that. I don't know ed edit this part out and the whole thing, you know, And I was like, I just don't even know if we should drop it. And it came time and she really encouraged me. I couldn't even.
Listen to it. I couldn't because.
I just I knew. I was like, I'm gonna start crying. I'm gonna start getting in my feelings, like I was a hot mess that the whole podcast.
Because I'm sure you're probably thinking people are going to hear this and they're going to think that I'm ungrateful and I'm this and I'm that. No, it's true.
Really, what I said to her, I was like, they're gonna be like, oh, Kelly, she has a horrible lie.
I know I know, I know it. Yeah, I know it. And I think the thing is we don't humanize people. We just we just see what we want to see. And it's so like, I think that there are some people who who are the most well known and the wealthiest people in this world and the entertainment industry that really struggle with some serious demons. And I think it's really sad that the public says, oh, you ungrateful, Oh let me swim in your pool of money, and like like that just solves everything. And it's like, at the end of the day, like we all feel the same things, and just because people struggle in different ways doesn't or because some people might have more favor in their lives doesn't take away any of the feeling and the pain that's going on.
You can't change what you feel, right, and there's really nothing that can help you change the way you feel unless you make a change in a way, I believe, whether that's to like focus on yourself more, you know, realize what's kind of making this occur in your life that you want to that you want to change. So that's it's I don't know, it is it? Oh it makes me so upset because I know I'm not the only one feeling it, and I did I wanted to get it off my chest. But that fear and there were some you know, they they came to the page, of course they did, and you know, said what they needed to say.
And I know what I say to them, keep listening, Thank you, thanks for that download.
You know what, You're right, You're right. But yeah, it's just been one of the it's it was amazing.
Honestly, most of the feedback was incredible.
And I feel like, like you're saying, you know, the podcast that we do, most of the listeners are women, and it was Oh, I felt this way because my siblings in high school were older than me and they were really talented and this is this and I wasn't And I was always their little sister or their little brother whatever it is. So you you see that people feel it in different ways totally, and it's not even for it. For me, I struggled massively with imposter syndrome. And it wasn't had nothing to do with who I was dating or any of my family member. It was somebody at work that literally made me feel so small, like I like I didn't deserve the.
Chair that I was sitting in. That Uh, nobody just comes to morning radio in Los Angeles. You have to go to a small town, you know, sew your oats, uh, make your miss from some of your oats. Probably not the right term.
But I get what you're saying. I learn your mistakes, get.
Your chop, chomp, sweat or whatever the heck, and then you come back to LA And it just didn't happen like that. For me. It just didn't happen like that. That wasn't my route, that wasn't my story. But because this was a man that was in such authority, I took what he said to her, and so I for years never felt like I deserved to be where I was. And again, I think I held back a lot early in my career because I was scared. I was scared to say anything. I was scared to say too much because I was told to only speak a certain amount. And it like, honestly, that was over a decade ago, and I'm like just coming on the other side of it now.
Oh well, gosh, I'm so happy that there's the other side.
Yes, yes, yes, there is another side. But it was crazy because I would get calls E asked me to do some red carpet stuff, and I'm fine, but I was like me, like I don't deserve that, Like I'm not that I don't know what I'm doing. Like it was still then, even after I was doing some TV stuff, I still felt like I had it in me. And so it's like it really takes a long time to come on the other side of that.
Because it goes deep.
And I think, like I said, it happened to me with just somebody in my work world. So it's like, I think it impacts way more women than we even like think and realize.
I I think if anyone's like listening to this and they are a boss of any sort, that making an employee feels won't making anyone small to me just is because you want to feel big.
Yeah, But I think you know what it's so it is so that because I think where I lacked understanding because I was in my twenties. So I just took it as this guy's a bully, he's mean, he's spiteful. But I now that I look at it from his perspective, I'm just like, sometimes men need to feel like they're responsible for your success or they yeah, like they're responsible for yours. It's an ego thing, and I just wasn't stroking that ego and so and I refuse to. And so I think, like I can kind of see it from his perspective now, like why he did what he did. But yeah, it's just crazy.
It's just tough, you know, And I do feel like it's crazy. Well, I guess nevermind, I can't tell that story. But Matthew's sister, I'll just say this. Matthew's sister texted me after that podcast. And she's been his sister her entire life, or yeah, her entire life, right, And I couldn't imagine, Like she still lives in Dallas, where they are from, and she has her own life, she has kids, everything, but they're still a side of her that's like, I'm just Matthew Stafford's sister, right, which breaks my heart because at least I got somewhat of a childhood a feeling like myself, you know, And.
So I do. I like it sucks. It sucks that.
It's here, and it's Imposterism is a real thing, and I really do think social media plays a huge role in it. And so when I like, at the end hopefully of this or whatever, my I always say, like encouraged to reach out and just positively on anyone else's pages and like just that they deserve what they have and they you know, they work hard for what they have.
It's you know, yes, I and I said this.
I was that podcast became something that people knew because of my husband. But I've been doing it now for a while and people have stayed on not because of my husband, right, So I genuinely love it. I'm so glad I found it. It's like a sense of community of like positive women that are just trying to get through the day to day. Yeah, in this world. So yeah, it's I don't know, it's it's saved me in a way. That podcast kind of saved me.
So it's called The Morning After? Did you start it to be the morning after football games? So it was geared towards like football narrative in the beginning, Yeah, like we would do a five would you just talk about like the game, and like I do like a five to no, no, no, because I don't listen.
I've watched my husband play for for a while.
I grew up in a football family, like my brother played in the league and is now a coach for Jacksonville. So there is a lot of football in my life, but I don't know football that well, so absolutely not. Also, you realize you don't really want to discuss the football to a public audience, you know, because you're messing with the team a little bit. So it was like a fun little five to tent maybe maybe two minute recap of like getting the girls of the game, like what the game experience was, like yeah, great, And then and then it would kind of move into like either I had a bunch of friends on at the beginning just to have some fun also stay connected with the friends that I don't see anymore. And then it started to turning something different, just more honestly parenting and the chaos at parenting is now the pressures to be the perfect parent and kind of sharing my failures. So that maybe because I as a parent myself, when I see these kids potty trained at two years old or walking at four months, I'm like, that wasn't me and that wasn't close to my kids. And I feel like, you know, you every people see these and they put pressure on themselves and they put pressure on their kids, right, So to like kind of put some realness back into everything, that's that's honestly the reason I started.
And kind of kept it going.
There is a good community now that I generally we have a really good time.
But also I know.
I'm hoping they take like either some laughter or just like a sense of being like, you know what I got through the day. My kids are alive, They smiled, They might have cried, but you know what, they're in bed and we'll start again tomorrow. So that's literally kind of what the feel is. And that morphed over the last and morphed over the last three years.
Yeah, about three years now, from the morning after football games to now something more completely differ. So and you said you mentioned it's like a you're rebranding.
Yeah, we rebranded just like logo. But I brought on a co host. He's actually from Michigan. His name's Hank and he has a daughter that he adopted with his part his ex partner.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, so a lot of a lot of there a lot there.
Yeah, I know, and he's great, but brought him on and it's more like the morning after life. Yeah, I should be parent today the morning after your kids home sick from school, like the and it's not it's just like the feeling of that like we talk about anything and everything, but it's more so geared towards I would say, parenting and in today's world because you get all this information too. The Internet's great. Internet's great, but too much information, especially when raising kids can be horrible. Yeah, because it's like you you're like, oh, that didn't work, let's try this when really like potty chaining. I tried changing potty chaining my twins when they were like two maybe two?
Yeah, two? Is that that can work? That can work for some, but and you know, you read all these things.
You order a doll that sits on a toilet next to them, and you're putting because you're like, oh, they should be pottychain.
Let's potty chain. No, it's not how it works. They didn't poty chain.
So they were like four and a half because I tried to force them so early.
So you were pottychain for two and a half years.
So I stopped.
Oh I tried for like six months, dumb, don't even try that long.
They will let you know when they're ready.
Really, like, there's these pressures and the all this info out there that you're getting, I mean, the whole breast feeding formula, all this stuff that you're getting so much info that you are trying to do anything and everything when really I feel like sometimes it's smart to just like sit back and let the kid tell you kind of this is what I need.
I actually fear that so much because I am a perfectionist, like very much.
So you said you're a creature habit, a creature.
Habit, and so I am like, I am not pregnant.
We're not.
We're gonna get married first, and then congratulations, thank you so much, so exciting, but I'm already wanting to read the like what to Expect when You're expecting, and like all these books to like learn how to do it right, and I and everybody says there is no right or wrong, and I'm like, but I need someone to tell me how to do it right.
I think you know what and I think you can read those and I think that's great, but just like taking you know, the bits that are important to you, because not everything is going to work for the baby you have.
All kids are different.
I have four, I have identical twins, totally different, like and what are the age bands?
I think I have it here six to three, yes, and my twins just.
Turned seven and then those two have summer birthdays, so it'll be seven. She's almost six and the other one's almost four.
Do they have cell phones yet?
No?
Is that in the near future?
No?
No, not at all. No, So they don't ask for social media no, okay.
And you know what, it's tough because I always told myself when they knew what Instagram was, I would get off of Instagram.
Oh really, that was your rule?
Yeah, set up I stuff just before I had a podcast, though, because now I feel like that's part of the business in a way.
So you know, it's funny. Again.
Kira's in here, my producer, but we've talked multiple times about me deleting my Instagram or moving the podcast over to my personal and just getting rid of my personal and she's just everyone tells me, I just don't know if that's the right move. If you're really wanting to do this, which I am. It gives me so much joy.
Because you set that priced. No feel No. I did the exact same thing when I was nineteen. I said I am never moving in with a guy until I am engaged. Cut to I'm in my thirties and I know I'm with the guy that I'm going to marry, like I know, I'm basically living there. We have a dog together, like I'm there. But until we got engaged, I did not give my lease up. So I was just burning money every single month because I made this whack packed with myself when I was nineteen, and I couldn't do it, Like I literally couldn't fully move out until I was engaged. I tried to do it one time and I got so emotional and I was like crying about it, and I was like, I feel like I'm letting my younger self down, and I'm like, we do this to ourselves that why do we say I'm going to do this when X y Z do you think?
Like as I'm wondering if we're in your case, I did it like were you raised in a way of that was kind of like the situation where your parents are like, listen, let's make sure you know, let's do it properly.
My mom was very much like a modern woman, like she was like, you do not rely on a man. You always make your own money, you always have your own life, you have your independence, And so I think a lot of it came from that.
Oh that's funny, you know because I was nineteen when I moved to Michigan. No ring dumb yeah, wow, right out right. But and I loved him so much. But nineteen and I went to nursing school in Michigan. Yeah, and my dad, I'm from the South. We are very you know, do things the right way. Oh, I'll never forget my dad. He's like, well, I'm not paying for anything, so and you know, I'm in college. I'm like, okay, Like, well you're eating like mac and cheese and like yeah, robbery sons, you know. But he and actually in Georgia. Long story short, I was on scholarship. But he's like, I'm not paying for you to go to school somewhere else because you have a free tuition here, right, And I was like.
I don't need you to pay because I had Matthew. And my Matthew was like I'll do it right. Ooh that did not That did not go over well with your dad.
Yeah, he was just like, you know, he couldn't do anything about me leaving, right, But he was very upset.
It's just the way I was raised.
And I felt this sense of like, and I'm also the youngest child, so I feel like.
It's me too.
It's like one of those things like I watched my sister and brother do it the way that my parents wanted it done.
I was like, you know what, I'm good, I'm gonna do it differently.
Yeah, and thank god it worked out, because couldn't imagine if it didn't.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'd probably still be in Michigan in a hospital, work in and that's great, all good, but away from my family and not with a husband or kid.
So that wouldn't have worked out as well.
But you know, yeah, well, I mean we can't really say what would have happened, but yeah, it is interesting that, like, so if the role if if I were in your situation at nineteen, I couldn't. I would never have let my boyfriend do that for me because I was I would never want a man to be paying or like feeling like I owed him anything but put it into but it would have been to my detriment.
Well yeah, maybe I don't know though, but.
It's so it's like so interesting because we set these really hard lines for ourselves, and I think it does like life happens, and sometimes you end up in situations that you didn't expect and so you try and handle them with these preconceived notions that you had and just not the reality. And that's been something that's been like really hard for me to adjust to. But I have been over the past couple of years. But I've been so rigid for like over a decade, and I'm like trying to kind of like let all that go.
So, how much money did you blow with your second apartment that you were you I could.
Have probably go for my wedding, to be honest, because like, I don't even know if I think about we tried to live when we got our dog is basic when I moved in, because we were trying to like a cavapoom Oh okay, yeah, she's just like but we tried to splitter between my my place and then just got to be too annoying and he's backyard and so we're like, okay, let's just like leave Sonny here. And then I basically moved in, like I had all my stuff there except for like my kitchen and all my furniture was at my apartment for probably two years.
Oh my gosh, yeah, two years. Two years.
I thought you were going to say like two months, No, no, no, two years. Oh wow, okay, yeah, you know what, maybe later a year, I was like, okay, I'm gonna do this. Come January, I'm going to move in. I know we're getting engaged. I knew we were going to get engaged. There was some uh there was some family there was like uh illnesses in the family that we wanted to wait to get engaged till everything was clear and everybody was good. Yeah, so I knew it was coming.
Yeah.
So I'm like, we're on the same page. I know it's coming. And so then I was like, I'm gonna cut my leaves. I'm going to do it, and then I just couldn't do it. I was like in the fetal position, like so upset that I was like letting my younger self down.
I think maybe an in between my younger self and your younger self, you know where I just went for it and you didn't.
So I stuck my heels in. Yeah, you would have been like the perfect for something.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I you know, I was out and it didn't take much. But again, looking back, dumb, yeah, dumb. I know, like if my little girls came out to me and they're like at nineteen years old, still in college and said, hey, I met a boy, but he's moving to Michigan, so I'm moving to Michigan.
I'd be like, no, right, you are right, love you, but what are you going to do? What if they say he's going to pay for my school and I'm going to be to.
Break my heart, But I'm gonna have to be like, Okay, hopefully I like him or right.
Whatever, hopefully I like him and and we'll just go from there.
Yeah.
No, I don't know. I can't say anything because I did it right, right right.
Just like getting a tattoo, I'm like, I'm not going to get a tattoo until. If I want a tattoo, i'll get after my kids are grown, because then I'm like.
Nope, can't get a tatt Did you get a tattoo?
No, I don't have one yet. Okay, wait until they are grown.
Okay, so you're still on that, you're still on night, Okay, Okay, it's kind.
Of fun, but I'm not arts.
I'm like you, I'm gonna let them create the tattoo when they're older, since they're so artsy.
Oh that's a real idea. Yeah, that's a really good idea.
It I think, I don't know, I've always wanted one but have held off.
Where do you see the future of your podcast? I know you did a couple live shows.
Yeah, that was fun. You know, I want to grow it. That's what kind of the rebrands for.
Grow it.
And then, to be honest, the live shows I genuinely enjoy.
I'm more of a in person kind of person.
Which is actually bringing my old self back out, which I do love. And I also feel like the live shows people are not there for my husband, right, so that's kind of a really good feeling. But I would say, like, grow it. Do a bunch of live shows, and I mean, I know my co host is like, I want to be live with Hank and Kelly. I was like, okay, I think that's that's getting there. That's really getting there. But I love you, so I don't know, you know, grow it. It was honestly at this point was grower die in a way. And I told Kiera that was like, I want to bring Hank on. I just want to try to grow it and we're going to put everything into it and if it grows, great and if it doesn't, I had a great time.
Yeah, what about you guys.
Uh, you know, we've done this for I want to say seven years now. Yeah, we've had scrubbing in for seven years. It's wild. Yeah, it's pretty wild. And like it's interesting because we had this crazy trajectory because we started it when there weren't really that Now there's so many podcasts, but there really weren't that many when we started it. And we like got nominated for People's Choice Award Podcast of the Year or Pop Podcast of the Year against Oprah and we won, and then we were nominated again the next year and we won and it was just like this crazy ride that we were on and like now, like Beck and I were like talking, We're like did we like did we peak? And now like where are we or what do we do? And it's weird because you go through these like life changes. You know, when we started the podcast, we were both single and dating. Becca was on the Bachelor. Now she's in a six year relationship with a woman, and I'm engaged to be married, you know. So it's like we've just kind of like done so much life and I think we hit this lull where we're like is this it? But I think we kind of had this resurgence of like no, like this is it. It was a perspective shift. It was like love that is this it?
No?
This is it? Is it?
And it's like the two of us and we just honestly want to do it forever, Like it's about our friendship and our life and we just want to do it forever.
Well, I think too, y'all are going to have you at least you're gonna have a lot of life changes coming up to And that's just to be honest, people want to hear and like the realness of it and going through it all and with her. So she was on the Bachelor, yes, and now is in a relationship with a woman for how many years?
Six?
Six years?
Yeah?
Is there any wedding bells coming there soon? Or we don't know.
She talked about it. They're both pretty they're like open.
To it, yeah, but not like pretty settled.
Yeah, like they're just you know, yeah, they're happy. But I'm the one that's like, because I forgot engage is like I want all my friends to be engaged. Is the best feeling ever?
Engaged is the best feeling ever? Yeah, live it up because you're married and then you're like, wait, that's it.
Yeah, did you guys have a big wedding?
You know, we did. We had. It was in Atlanta.
We have a large group of friends from high school and college that all are like meshed.
So it was it was big. I did it again. I'd probably do.
How many people?
They were like, I want to save four.
Hundred, you know, and then Matthew like the team members and coaches and.
Right, but you have to buy everybody, right, did you have to? Did you guys invite everybody? Yeah?
Yeah, I mean and my dad, my sweet sweet dad. I love him so much. I was like, I am paying for this wedding, and I was like, I love you so much, think like thank you. That is because we're again we're very traditional in that way, and so you know, the the guest list started getting a little high, and all of a sudden, He's like, wait, well what about all my friends to my friends?
What about this person that I go, Dad, I don't need it.
I've never even met those people, right, and I'm throwing the wedding.
I was like, oh, there it is there, it is Dad.
He's I was like, you are, yes, you are throwing the wedding, and I will allow you to write whoever you would like, whoever you would like, but that gets more expensive, right, and so you know, it was kind of like one of those things. And I'm so blessed in the fact that my dad is like that, he'll never let Matthew pay for anything, which again, my dad works hard. He still is working, and I love that, Yeah, has owned his own business for a long time, but still working and just wanting to make sure all of his kids are okay if something happened, and all the things.
So no, our wedding was.
Our wedding was big, and it was a lot of are you getting married here?
So I'm having a really hard time figuring out when and where. Okay, I've been engaged for eight months, oh man, and I still have no date or venue.
Like I said, engagement is kind of the funnest part.
So it was, and we gave ourselves, like I think we gave ourselves the first three to four months to just not even We didn't even think about it, and we just enjoyed it and partied. And then I was like, okay, let's start thinking about it. But I've gone from like I wanted to do a small wedding in Italy and then that changed to a big one in LA, and now I have pivoted to Cabo medium size and Cabos.
I mean, destination was pretty awesome. I didn't do that, and I kind of wish I did.
Right, Yeah, I want that destination feel, and so that's why I kind of went away. LA was going to be the easiest choice, sure, and that's what I want in my life right now, just like ease. But then I was like stressing about the weather and I'm like, you can't predict the weather here. It's like cold and rainy and.
Which like I thought I moved to California because it was sunny all the time. No, 'tis not, and I thought that's what all the taxes were for.
No, it's not. But it might bounce by your tax I think it might bounce back eventually. But like this year was so unpredictable that I was like, I just can't risk this. I can't. And then I don't want to get married next summer. Yeah, so now I'm in Cobboaks learn cobbo I love that. Yeah, they are so expensed.
You realize it's and it's it's but you should do it right that you want to do it. You need to do it because you only, well hopefully get married one time.
Yes, yes, I'm doing it once and so I'm going to do it up and I'm not going to have any like guilt about it. I'm going to do it. But because it is so expensive, I'm like it needs and I'm my perfectionism. I'm like it needs to be perfect.
So do you have a planner or no?
I have a plane.
Oh that's gonna be a lot.
No no, no, thank god for her, Marjorie ye Yes, yes, yes, yeah, it's good. I really appreciate you coming on and scrubbing in. Everybody. Check out Kelly's podcast. It is called The Morning After. You can get it wherever you get your podcasts. Is there anything else that you want to share where people can follow you?
Yeah, we have The Morning After Kelly and Hank is our podcast Instagram and I am kV Stafford eighty nine.
Thank you really appreciate it.
