Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki, share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy—no matter their starting point.

Notable Quotes


Derwin: “Intimacy is ‘into me, you see.’ … It’s a position of vulnerability. … The blood of Jesus either declares me righteous or it doesn’t. That frees me to be able to give myself to my wife.”


Vicki: “Letting Jesus change you—that’s what’s going to draw your spouse … learning to just ‘be’ with Jesus and trust Him to reflect light through you.”


Dana Che: “If your security isn’t rooted in Christ, you look at your spouse as an enemy, instead of the helper they were created to be.”

Resources Mentioned


Get Derwin's Book:Lit Up With Love by Dr. Derwin Gray 
Get your FREE Intimacy Series Guide here.
Register for the upcoming online "Marriage Reset" Workshop

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki,&nbsp;share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy&mdash;no matter their starting point.
Notable Quotes
<ul>
<li>
Derwin: &ldquo;Intimacy is &lsquo;into me, you see.&rsquo; &hellip; It&rsquo;s a position of vulnerability. &hellip; The blood of Jesus either declares me righteous or it doesn&rsquo;t. That frees me to be able to give myself to my wife.&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
Vicki: &ldquo;Letting Jesus change you&mdash;that&rsquo;s what&rsquo;s going to draw your spouse &hellip; learning to just &lsquo;be&rsquo; with Jesus and trust Him to reflect light through you.&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
Dana Che: &ldquo;If your security isn&rsquo;t rooted in Christ, you look at your spouse as an enemy, instead of the helper they were created to be.&rdquo;
</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned
<ul>
<li>
Get Derwin's Book: <a href="https://amzn.to/47nSics">Lit Up With Love by Dr. Derwin Gray&nbsp;</a>
</li>
<li><a href="https://danache.com/intimacyseries">Get your FREE Intimacy Series Guide here.</a></li>
<li><a href="https://danache.com/marriageworkshop/">Register for the upcoming online "Marriage Reset" Workshop</a></li>
</ul>
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;

Ever wish there was an "easy" button for marriage? Or that you just had someone who understands the struggle? Rebuilding Us is a top-rated marriage podcast to help you restore intimacy, rebuild trust, and renew hope in your marriage. Join marriage coach Dana Che, who's been married to her hubby, Shaun, for 25 years as she guides couples on the journey toward restoration and connection.

Each episode includes real-life stories, practical strategies, and faith-filled insights to help you reignite love, deepen commitment, and create a thriving, joy-filled relationship. Say goodbye to Christian clichés—Dana’s relatable, no-nonsense approach (with a touch of humor!) will keep you coming back week after week. 

Whether you’re healing from infidelity, seeking stronger communication, or simply longing for a closer bond, this podcast equips you with the tools and encouragement to rebuild not just your relationship but yourself. 

Let the rebuild begin!  

**New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday. Subscribe now and take the first step toward your best marriage yet.

My new book is out! Get Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples wherever books are sold! 

Tried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure—disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing—and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and your connection.

Ever wish there was an "easy" button for marriage? Or that you just had someone who understands the struggle?&nbsp;Rebuilding Us is a top-rated marriage podcast to help you restore intimacy, rebuild trust, and renew hope in your marriage. Join marriage coach Dana Che, who's been married to her hubby, Shaun, for 25 years as she guides couples on the journey toward restoration and connection.
Each episode includes real-life stories, practical strategies, and faith-filled insights to help you reignite love, deepen commitment, and create a thriving, joy-filled relationship. Say goodbye to Christian clich&eacute;s&mdash;Dana&rsquo;s relatable, no-nonsense approach (with a touch of humor!) will keep you coming back week after week.&nbsp;
Whether you&rsquo;re healing from infidelity, seeking stronger communication, or simply longing for a closer bond, this podcast equips you with the tools and encouragement to rebuild not just your relationship but yourself.&nbsp;
Let the rebuild begin! &nbsp;
**New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday. Subscribe now and take the first step toward your best marriage yet.
My new book is out! Get <a href="https://danache.com/triedandtrue" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;
Tried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure&mdash;disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing&mdash;and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and your connection.

Get the blueprint to improve your marriage and overcome hurt, rediscover intimacy, and deepen your connection. Communication problems got you down? "Rebuilding Us" gives you the valuable tools and encouragement to restore trust, learn from conflict, and navigate the ups and downs of marriage with grace and resilience.

Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

A marriage podcast to help couples rebuild trust and rediscover genuine intimacy in their marriages. Sharing lessons from her 25-year marriage, marriage coach & speaker Dana Che will help you heal your past and find hope for your future as you glean effective marriage advice and tools from Dana Che and her guests. These episodic adventures will take you on a transformative journey to a happier and healthier marriage, through faith-based principles. 

With relevant relationship strategies, heartfelt stories, and uplifting messages of hope, aimed at inspiring marriages with lasting joy, intimacy, and fulfillment. No Christian clichés over here! Dana's tell-it-like-it-is yet warm humor will endear you to come back every single week.

The first letter in "us" is "u," so "rebuilding us" is also about rebuilding u (you). Whether you're seeking reconciliation, restoration, or simply looking for marriage enrichment, 'Rebuilding Us' will help guide your way.

New episodes drop every Tuesday & Friday. Subscribe today so you don't miss a single one!

My new book is out! Get Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples wherever books are sold! 

Tried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure—disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing—and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and your connection.

A marriage podcast to help couples rebuild trust and rediscover genuine intimacy in their marriages. Sharing lessons from her 25-year marriage, marriage coach &amp; speaker Dana Che will help you heal your past and find hope for your future as you glean effective marriage advice and tools from Dana Che and her guests. These episodic adventures will take you on a transformative journey to a happier and healthier marriage, through faith-based principles.&nbsp;
With relevant relationship strategies, heartfelt stories, and uplifting messages of hope, aimed at inspiring marriages with lasting joy, intimacy, and fulfillment. No Christian clich&eacute;s over here! Dana's tell-it-like-it-is yet warm humor will endear you to come back every single week.
The first letter in "us" is "u," so "rebuilding us" is also about rebuilding u (you). Whether you're seeking reconciliation, restoration, or simply looking for marriage enrichment, 'Rebuilding Us' will help guide your way.
New episodes drop every Tuesday &amp; Friday. Subscribe today so you don't miss a single one!
My new book is out! Get <a href="https://danache.com/triedandtrue" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;
Tried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure&mdash;disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing&mdash;and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and your connection.

Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki, share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy—no matter their starting point.

From NFL Teams to Marriage Dreams: A Journey to Spiritual Intimacy (Intimacy Series)

Have you been feeling overlooked, devalued, or unseen by your spouse? Does is feel like your marriage is running on autopilot, where someone or something else always seems to take priority over you? What do you do when you feel like you’re coming in second place in your marriage, or as I call it, “playing second fiddle.” 

I open up about with wisdom straight from my new book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples, specifically taking you into the story of Jacob and Leah from the book of Genesis. If you’ve ever felt undervalued, overlooked, or like you just can't win your spouse’s affection—this episode is for you.

Plus, I'll unpack key conversation starters you can use to reconnect with your spouse and discuss these feelings in a healthy, constructive way. And, I’ll close out with a special prayer to cover you and your marriage.

Here’s what you’ll hear in this episode:


What “playing second fiddle” looks like in marriage today


Lessons from Jacob and Leah: How God values those who feel unseen


How insecurity shows up—in-laws, kids, friends, or “ideals”


Why your worth and purpose can’t come from your spouse alone


Two powerful conversation starters to cultivate security and intimacy


A prayer for healing, unity, and renewed value in your marriage

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Get my new book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

 

Have you been feeling overlooked, devalued, or unseen by your spouse? Does is feel like your marriage is running on autopilot, where someone or something else always seems to take priority over you? What do you do when you feel like you&rsquo;re coming in second place in your marriage, or as I call it, &ldquo;playing second fiddle.&rdquo;&nbsp;
I open up about with wisdom straight from my new book,&nbsp;Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples, specifically taking you into the story of Jacob and Leah from the book of Genesis. If you&rsquo;ve ever felt undervalued, overlooked, or like you just can't win your spouse&rsquo;s affection&mdash;this episode is for you.
Plus, I'll unpack key conversation starters you can use to reconnect with your spouse and discuss these feelings in a healthy, constructive way. And, I&rsquo;ll close out with a special prayer to cover you and your marriage.
Here&rsquo;s what you&rsquo;ll hear in this episode:
<ul>
<li>
What &ldquo;playing second fiddle&rdquo; looks like in marriage today
</li>
<li>
Lessons from Jacob and Leah: How God values those who feel unseen
</li>
<li>
How insecurity shows up&mdash;in-laws, kids, friends, or &ldquo;ideals&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
Why your worth and purpose can&rsquo;t come from your spouse alone
</li>
<li>
Two powerful conversation starters to cultivate security and intimacy
</li>
<li>
A prayer for healing, unity, and renewed value in your marriage
</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
Get my new book, <a href="https://triedandtruemarriagebook.com">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Have you been feeling overlooked, devalued, or unseen by your spouse? Does is feel like your marriage is running on autopilot, where someone or something else always seems to take priority over you?

What to Do When You Feel Unseen, Unloved &  Like a Low Priority in Your Marriage?

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/c3b5e06c-511a-4bd9-9e8e-b408013adba1/transcript

Understanding how to offer meaningful support and help to those you love, especially during moments of grief or difficulty, is a skill worth learning. Let's explore the core question everyone should learn to ask: “Do you need a hug? Do you need help? Or do you need to be heard?”

After going through a painful time, I reflect on grief and the unique ways we process pain. Sometimes, the greatest support we can offer someone isn’t advice, but presence. Inspired by a coaching session with one of my clients, I learned three powerful questions that have shaped the way I communicate and the ways in which I offer help. You're going to love this one. 

The Money Question

When someone you love is hurting, pause and ask:


Do you need a hug?


Do you need help?


Do you need to be heard?

This question helps break down emotional barriers and lets your partner, friend, or family member know you’re there for them in the way they need, not just in the way you want to give.

Episode Highlights:


Hugs: Hugs are healing. There is power in a simple embrace that can build connection and foster safety, sometimes more than words ever could.


Help: Offering help is about respecting boundaries and waiting until your loved one is ready for advice. Ask before you jump in!


Heard: The art of listening – not just hearing – is crucial. Learn to ask clarifying questions and listen with empathy to deepen your bond.

A Practical Affirmation:
Here's a simple affirmation you can use: “I am emotionally aware enough to help my [spouse/friend/partner] in their time of need.” Small shifts in how we communicate can make a lasting difference.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Ep. 89: “7 Tips to Become a Better Listener”

Get my new book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples

 

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

 

Understanding how to offer meaningful support and help to those you love, especially during moments of grief or difficulty, is a skill worth learning. Let's explore the core question everyone should learn to ask: &ldquo;Do you need a hug? Do you need help? Or do you need to be heard?&rdquo;
After going through a painful time, I reflect on grief and the unique ways we process pain. Sometimes, the greatest support we can offer someone isn&rsquo;t advice, but presence. Inspired by a coaching session with one of my clients, I learned three powerful questions that have shaped the way I communicate and the ways in which I offer help. You're going to love this one.&nbsp;
The Money Question
When someone you love is hurting, pause and ask:
<ul>
<li>
Do you need a hug?
</li>
<li>
Do you need help?
</li>
<li>
Do you need to be heard?
</li>
</ul>
This question helps break down emotional barriers and lets your partner, friend, or family member know you&rsquo;re there for them in the way they need, not just in the way you want to give.
Episode Highlights:
<ul>
<li>
Hugs: Hugs are healing. There is power in a simple embrace that can build connection and foster safety, sometimes more than words ever could.
</li>
<li>
Help: Offering help is about respecting boundaries and waiting until your loved one is ready for advice. Ask before you jump in!
</li>
<li>
Heard: The art of listening &ndash; not just hearing &ndash; is crucial. Learn to ask clarifying questions and listen with empathy to deepen your bond.
</li>
</ul>
A Practical Affirmation: Here's a simple affirmation you can use: &ldquo;I am emotionally aware enough to help my [spouse/friend/partner] in their time of need.&rdquo; Small shifts in how we communicate can make a lasting difference.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
<a href="https://danache.com/marriage-podcasts/89-7-tips-to-become-a-better-listener-communication-101-series/">Ep. 89: &ldquo;7 Tips to Become a Better Listener&rdquo;</a>
<a href="https://danache.com/tried-and-true-book/">Get my new book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>
&nbsp;
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Understanding how to offer meaningful support and help to those you love, especially during moments of grief or difficulty, is a skill worth learning. Let's explore the core question everyone should learn to ask: “Do you need a hug? Do you need help? Or do you need to be heard?”

Do You Need Help, a Hug, or Just to Be Heard? 3 Questions Show Empathy and Care

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/2ab463e5-2a79-41b8-a0ae-b3ff01641dd7/transcript

Have you heard of 'ABC Dating'? It's a unique and fun way to keep date nights fresh by building each outing around a different letter of the alphabet. I'm joined in this episode by my friend and fellow marriage coach, Sylvia Chipman, as we share personal stories, lots of laughs, and practical advice on how couples can break free from relationship ruts, regardless of budget or time constraints.

From axe throwing in the backyard, to gelato and mini golf, to even tackling game nights at home, you’ll hear how intentional date night planning—even on a tight budget—can spark joy and rekindle connection in any marriage or relationship. The episode also tackles common challenges like financial limitations, busy schedules, and the importance of connecting without distractions (yes, that means putting down your phone).

Whether you’re newly married or celebrating decades together, this episode is packed with inspiration and relatable wisdom for couples hoping to reinvigorate their relationship—one letter at a time.

I truly believe dating is fuel for your marriage, so get ready for creative ideas, heartwarming stories, and lots of encouragement for rebuilding “us” in your marriage!

Key Takeaways: 

Dating isn't just for new couples: Whether it’s ABC Dating or another creative approach, the message is clear: dating isn’t just for new couples. It’s a lifeline for any marriage wanting to grow

Connection must be intentional: Stay connected to your spouse through laughter, spontaneity, and teamwork

Dates don't have to cost a lot: You can have inexpensive and fun times together—times that rejuvenate your relationship and deepen your connection.

Focus on each other, not your phone: Put the phones away, leave the kids with someone you trust, and take time for each other.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Learn more about Sylvia's Thrive Marriage Coaching. 

Get Dana's new book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples

 

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

Have you heard of 'ABC Dating'? It's a unique and fun way to keep date nights fresh by building each outing around a different letter of the alphabet. I'm joined in this episode by my friend and fellow marriage coach, Sylvia Chipman, as we share personal stories, lots of laughs, and practical advice on how couples can break free from relationship ruts, regardless of budget or time constraints.
From axe throwing in the backyard, to gelato and mini golf, to even tackling game nights at home, you&rsquo;ll hear how intentional date night planning&mdash;even on a tight budget&mdash;can spark joy and rekindle connection in any marriage or relationship. The episode also tackles common challenges like financial limitations, busy schedules, and the importance of connecting without distractions (yes, that means putting down your phone).
Whether you&rsquo;re newly married or celebrating decades together, this episode is packed with inspiration and relatable wisdom for couples hoping to reinvigorate their relationship&mdash;one letter at a time.
I truly believe dating is fuel for your marriage, so get ready for creative ideas, heartwarming stories, and lots of encouragement for rebuilding &ldquo;us&rdquo; in your marriage!
Key Takeaways:&nbsp;
Dating isn't just for new couples: Whether it&rsquo;s ABC Dating or another creative approach, the message is clear: dating isn&rsquo;t just for new couples. It&rsquo;s a lifeline for any marriage wanting to grow
Connection must be intentional: Stay connected to your spouse through laughter, spontaneity, and teamwork
Dates don't have to cost a lot: You can have inexpensive and fun times together&mdash;times that rejuvenate your relationship and deepen your connection.
Focus on each other, not your phone: Put the phones away, leave the kids with someone you trust, and take time for each other.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
Learn more about<a href="http://thrivemarriagecoaching.com"> Sylvia's Thrive Marriage Coaching.&nbsp;</a>
Get Dana's new book, <a href="https://triedandtruemarriagebook.com">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>
&nbsp;
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;

Have you heard of 'ABC Dating'? It's a unique and fun way to keep date nights fresh by building each outing around a different letter of the alphabet. 

Keeping Marriage Fun: Alphabet Dating and Budget-Friendly Date Ideas

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/fe934cc6-0d90-439d-90bc-b3fa0173a567/transcript

From NFL Teams to Marriage Dreams: A Journey to Spiritual Intimacy (Intimacy Series)

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