Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki, share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy—no matter their starting point.

Notable Quotes


Derwin: “Intimacy is ‘into me, you see.’ … It’s a position of vulnerability. … The blood of Jesus either declares me righteous or it doesn’t. That frees me to be able to give myself to my wife.”


Vicki: “Letting Jesus change you—that’s what’s going to draw your spouse … learning to just ‘be’ with Jesus and trust Him to reflect light through you.”


Dana Che: “If your security isn’t rooted in Christ, you look at your spouse as an enemy, instead of the helper they were created to be.”

Resources Mentioned


Get Derwin's Book:Lit Up With Love by Dr. Derwin Gray 
Get your FREE Intimacy Series Guide here.
Register for the upcoming online "Marriage Reset" Workshop

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki,&nbsp;share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy&mdash;no matter their starting point.
Notable Quotes
<ul>
<li>
Derwin: &ldquo;Intimacy is &lsquo;into me, you see.&rsquo; &hellip; It&rsquo;s a position of vulnerability. &hellip; The blood of Jesus either declares me righteous or it doesn&rsquo;t. That frees me to be able to give myself to my wife.&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
Vicki: &ldquo;Letting Jesus change you&mdash;that&rsquo;s what&rsquo;s going to draw your spouse &hellip; learning to just &lsquo;be&rsquo; with Jesus and trust Him to reflect light through you.&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
Dana Che: &ldquo;If your security isn&rsquo;t rooted in Christ, you look at your spouse as an enemy, instead of the helper they were created to be.&rdquo;
</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned
<ul>
<li>
Get Derwin's Book: <a href="https://amzn.to/47nSics">Lit Up With Love by Dr. Derwin Gray&nbsp;</a>
</li>
<li><a href="https://danache.com/intimacyseries">Get your FREE Intimacy Series Guide here.</a></li>
<li><a href="https://danache.com/marriageworkshop/">Register for the upcoming online "Marriage Reset" Workshop</a></li>
</ul>
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;

Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast for couples seeking relatable marriage advice, biblical encouragement, and real hope. With her signature no-nonsense approach, marriage coach and author Dana Che brings truth and grace to the hard conversations couples often avoid—while weaving in just enough humor to make the heavy topics feel a little lighter. Each episode helps couples rebuild trust, improve communication, restore intimacy, heal after infidelity, and reconnect emotionally and spiritually.

Through honest conversations, real-life stories, faith-filled wisdom, and practical relationship tools, Dana offers a clear approach to navigating conflict, betrayal, disappointment, and disconnection—without shame, clichés, or unrealistic expectations.

Whether you are recovering from infidelity, strengthening an already-good marriage, or simply longing for a closer bond, this podcast will help you create a healthier, more connected, Christ-centered relationship.

New episodes are released every Tuesday. Follow Rebuilding Us and begin your journey from conflict to connection.

Let the rebuild begin!

Get Dana's latest book Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples wherever books are sold! 

Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast for couples seeking relatable marriage advice, biblical encouragement, and real hope. With her signature no-nonsense approach, marriage coach and author Dana Che brings truth and grace to the hard conversations couples often avoid&mdash;while weaving in just enough humor to make the heavy topics feel a little lighter. Each episode helps couples rebuild trust, improve communication, restore intimacy, heal after infidelity, and reconnect emotionally and spiritually.
Through honest conversations, real-life stories, faith-filled wisdom, and practical relationship tools, Dana offers a clear approach to navigating conflict, betrayal, disappointment, and disconnection&mdash;without shame, clich&eacute;s, or unrealistic expectations.
Whether you are recovering from infidelity, strengthening an already-good marriage, or simply longing for a closer bond, this podcast will help you create a healthier, more connected, Christ-centered relationship.
New episodes are released every Tuesday. Follow&nbsp;Rebuilding Us and begin your journey from conflict to connection.
Let the rebuild begin!
Get Dana's latest book <a href="https://danache.com/triedandtrue" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;

Get the blueprint to improve your marriage and overcome hurt, rediscover intimacy, and deepen your connection. Communication problems got you down? "Rebuilding Us" gives you the valuable tools and encouragement to restore trust, learn from conflict, and navigate the ups and downs of marriage with grace and resilience.

Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

A marriage podcast to help couples rebuild trust and rediscover genuine intimacy in their marriages. Sharing lessons from her 25-year marriage, marriage coach & speaker Dana Che will help you heal your past and find hope for your future as you glean effective marriage advice and tools from Dana Che and her guests. These episodic adventures will take you on a transformative journey to a happier and healthier marriage, through faith-based principles. 

With relevant relationship strategies, heartfelt stories, and uplifting messages of hope, aimed at inspiring marriages with lasting joy, intimacy, and fulfillment. No Christian clichés over here! Dana's tell-it-like-it-is yet warm humor will endear you to come back every single week.

The first letter in "us" is "u," so "rebuilding us" is also about rebuilding u (you). Whether you're seeking reconciliation, restoration, or simply looking for marriage enrichment, 'Rebuilding Us' will help guide your way.

New episodes drop every Tuesday & Friday. Subscribe today so you don't miss a single one!

My new book is out! Get Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples wherever books are sold! 

Tried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure—disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing—and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and your connection.

A marriage podcast to help couples rebuild trust and rediscover genuine intimacy in their marriages. Sharing lessons from her 25-year marriage, marriage coach &amp; speaker Dana Che will help you heal your past and find hope for your future as you glean effective marriage advice and tools from Dana Che and her guests. These episodic adventures will take you on a transformative journey to a happier and healthier marriage, through faith-based principles.&nbsp;
With relevant relationship strategies, heartfelt stories, and uplifting messages of hope, aimed at inspiring marriages with lasting joy, intimacy, and fulfillment. No Christian clich&eacute;s over here! Dana's tell-it-like-it-is yet warm humor will endear you to come back every single week.
The first letter in "us" is "u," so "rebuilding us" is also about rebuilding u (you). Whether you're seeking reconciliation, restoration, or simply looking for marriage enrichment, 'Rebuilding Us' will help guide your way.
New episodes drop every Tuesday &amp; Friday. Subscribe today so you don't miss a single one!
My new book is out! Get <a href="https://danache.com/triedandtrue" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;
Tried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure&mdash;disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing&mdash;and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and your connection.

Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki, share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy—no matter their starting point.

From NFL Teams to Marriage Dreams: A Journey to Spiritual Intimacy (Intimacy Series)

I'm discussing six signs of spiritual abuse in marriage and how to recognize the difference between biblical spiritual leadership and toxic leadership. I explain why healthy leadership invites collaboration, tolerates disagreement, and never uses Scripture, submission, or God to control a spouse.

I also talk about spiritual manipulation, maintaining personal discernment, forgiveness versus reconciliation, and why forgiveness does not require continued access to harm you. Finally, I share practical steps for responding to abuse, including telling the truth to someone trustworthy, stopping the minimization of harmful patterns, documenting what is happening, prioritizing safety, and seeking qualified support before attempting to rebuild the marriage.

Key Takeaways:


Healthy leadership invites collaboration. “Let’s pray about this” creates room for discernment and discussion. “I’m in charge, so this is what we’re doing” demands control.


Biblical submission does not require surrendering discernment. A wife remains morally responsible, spiritually discerning, and able to recognize when something is wrong. Submission to God comes before submission to another person. 


Forgiveness does not require continued access to harm you. Reconciliation requires safety and repentance. A person can forgive while setting boundaries, filing a police report, or seeking a restraining order.


A marriage should not be preserved at the expense of someone’s safety. When abuse is active, the first steps are safety, clear boundaries, trustworthy support, documentation, and qualified help, not immediate marriage counseling.

Remember, healthy spiritual leadership lays down personal preferences and agendas for the good of the people being led. It does not require someone else to disappear or become small.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Healing after betrayal is possible, but it requires intentional work. Learn more about the step-by-step course created to help couples process pain, rebuild trust, and reconnect at danache.com/infidelityintensive

 

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

I'm discussing six signs of spiritual abuse in marriage and how to recognize the difference between biblical spiritual leadership and toxic leadership. I explain why healthy leadership invites collaboration, tolerates disagreement, and never uses Scripture, submission, or God to control a spouse.
I also talk about spiritual manipulation, maintaining personal discernment, forgiveness versus reconciliation, and why forgiveness does not require continued access to harm you. Finally, I share practical steps for responding to abuse, including telling the truth to someone trustworthy, stopping the minimization of harmful patterns, documenting what is happening, prioritizing safety, and seeking qualified support before attempting to rebuild the marriage.
Key Takeaways:
<ul>
<li>
Healthy leadership invites collaboration. &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s pray about this&rdquo; creates room for discernment and discussion. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m in charge, so this is what we&rsquo;re doing&rdquo; demands control.
</li>
<li>
Biblical submission does not require surrendering discernment. A wife remains morally responsible, spiritually discerning, and able to recognize when something is wrong. Submission to God comes before submission to another person.&nbsp;
</li>
<li>
Forgiveness does not require continued access to harm you. Reconciliation requires safety and repentance. A person can forgive while setting boundaries, filing a police report, or seeking a restraining order.
</li>
<li>
A marriage should not be preserved at the expense of someone&rsquo;s safety. When abuse is active, the first steps are safety, clear boundaries, trustworthy support, documentation, and qualified help, not immediate marriage counseling.
</li>
</ul>
Remember, healthy spiritual leadership lays down personal preferences and agendas for the good of the people being led. It does not require someone else to disappear or become small.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
Healing after betrayal is possible, but it requires intentional work. Learn more about the step-by-step course created to help couples process pain, rebuild trust, and reconnect at <a href="https://danache.com/infidelityintensive">danache.com/infidelityintensive</a>
&nbsp;
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;

I'm discussing six signs of spiritual abuse in marriage and how to recognize the difference between biblical spiritual leadership and toxic leadership.

Spiritual Leadership or Spiritual Abuse in Marriage? 6 Signs to Know the Difference

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/66c6a841-03a1-44eb-90d1-b4bf002317fe/transcript

My hubby, Shaun, joins me in this special episode to discuss the Netflix docuseries Death of the Pastor’s Wife and the difficult questions it raises about abuse of power, spiritual manipulation, accountability, submission, and marriage.

This conversation goes beyond the story itself. Shaun and I explore how churches can create healthier accountability structures, why power differentials matter, what you should do when you recognize abuse, and what partnership in marriage can look like without control or coercion.

If you’re married, serving in leadership, part of a church community, or reexamining your own faith and relationships, this episode offers an honest conversation about discernment, responsibility, and healing.

Key Takeaways:


Why every church leader needs accountability


How spiritual manipulation can distort Scripture


The difference between biblical submission and control


Why victims shouldn’t be blamed for someone else’s abuse of power


How Shaun and I approach marriage as a partnership


Why church members have a responsibility to speak up when something feels wrong


A prayer for marriages, church leaders, victims of abuse, and Mica Miller's family

If you're being abused by a spouse or partner, seek legal and professional help. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233). 

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

My hubby, Shaun, joins me in this special episode to discuss the Netflix docuseries&nbsp;Death of the Pastor&rsquo;s Wife and the difficult questions it raises about abuse of power, spiritual manipulation, accountability, submission, and marriage.
This conversation goes beyond the story itself. Shaun and I explore how churches can create healthier accountability structures, why power differentials matter, what you should do when you recognize abuse, and what partnership in marriage can look like without control or coercion.
If you&rsquo;re married, serving in leadership, part of a church community, or reexamining your own faith and relationships, this episode offers an honest conversation about discernment, responsibility, and healing.
Key Takeaways:
<ul>
<li>
Why every church leader needs accountability
</li>
<li>
How spiritual manipulation can distort Scripture
</li>
<li>
The difference between biblical submission and control
</li>
<li>
Why victims shouldn&rsquo;t be blamed for someone else&rsquo;s abuse of power
</li>
<li>
How Shaun and I approach marriage as a partnership
</li>
<li>
Why church members have a responsibility to speak up when something feels wrong
</li>
<li>
A prayer for marriages, church leaders, victims of abuse, and Mica Miller's family
</li>
</ul>
If you're being abused by a spouse or partner, seek legal and professional help. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233).&nbsp;
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;

My hubby, Shaun, joins me in this special episode to discuss the Netflix docuseries Death of the Pastor’s Wife and the difficult questions it raises about abuse of power, spiritual manipulation, accountability, submission, and marriage.

Death of the Pastor's Wife: Spiritual & Marital Abuse and Where We Go From Here

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/17537325-0c62-4e6a-9daf-b4bb0039cb8c/transcript

Talking to your spouse about your marriage can become so constant that the relationship starts feeling like a project instead of a partnership. While communication is important, there are other ways to build connection...six ways in fact, that work better than repeated conversations. Listen in as I share these practical marriage tips to help deepen your connection and shift you toward regulation, curiosity, appreciation, consistent action, and ordinary moments of togetherness.

Key Takeaways:
How your marriage problems can become the only subject of the relationship, turning dates, car rides, and quiet moments into another relationship evaluation
Why trying to resolve conflict while emotionally flooded turns spouses into attorneys actually arguing their case
How a temporary pause can protect your marriage
What to do when criticism becomes the dominant atmosphere in your marriage
Why your spouse has seemingly "stopped trying"
The 80/20 marriage rule that will enhance your friendship, enjoyment, and connection



Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Get your free Heart-to-Heart Conversation Starters here.

Rebuilding your marriage after infidelity? Let Infidelity Intensive do the heavy lifting for you.

Follow Dana Che on the socials! 

Instagram 

Facebook 

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! 

Talking to your spouse about your marriage can become so constant that the relationship starts feeling like a project instead of a partnership. While communication is important, there are other ways to build connection...six ways in fact, that work better than repeated conversations. Listen in as I share these practical marriage tips to help deepen your connection and shift you toward regulation, curiosity, appreciation, consistent action, and ordinary moments of togetherness.
Key Takeaways:
<ul>
<li>How your marriage problems can become the only subject of the relationship, turning dates, car rides, and quiet moments into another relationship evaluation</li>
<li>Why trying to resolve conflict while emotionally flooded turns spouses into attorneys actually arguing their case</li>
<li>How a temporary pause can protect your marriage</li>
<li>What to do when criticism becomes the dominant atmosphere in your marriage</li>
<li>Why your spouse has seemingly "stopped trying"</li>
<li>The 80/20 marriage rule that will enhance your friendship, enjoyment, and connection </li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
<a href="https://danache.com/conversationstarters">Get your free Heart-to-Heart Conversation Starters here</a>.
Rebuilding your marriage after infidelity? <a href="https://danache.com/infidelityintensive">Let Infidelity Intensive do the heavy lifting for you.</a>
Follow Dana Che on the socials!&nbsp;
<a href="https://instagram.com/mrsdanache">Instagram&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://facebook.com/mrsdanache">Facebook&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://youtube.com/@mrsdanache">YouTube</a>
Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!&nbsp;

Talking to your spouse about your marriage can become so constant that the relationship starts feeling like a project instead of a partnership.

Why Talking About Your Marriage Keeps Making It Worse & 6 Things to Do Instead

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/1e2154a7-982c-4696-8e09-b4b701479c37/transcript

From NFL Teams to Marriage Dreams: A Journey to Spiritual Intimacy (Intimacy Series)

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