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John Gray: Sex, Hugs, and Rock-Solid Relationship Tips: How Couples Can Regain Lost Magic Quickly

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The B.rad Podcast

Join Brad Kearns, New York Times bestselling author and champion triathlete, Speedgolfer, and masters high jumper, in pursuing peak performance with p 
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I'm pleased to celebrate with you on the occasion of publishing our 500th episode of the B.rad podcast!

Since launching in 2018, it's been great fun to connect with those of you who shared email feedback and Q&A, and also a tremendous honor to bring so many amazing guests to you. I've learned so much and been so inspired by these interviews—they have truly been life changing. In deciding what special show to air for the 500th episode, I have to go with the fourth appearance of the one and only Dr. John Gray—the #1 best-selling relationship author of all time with his Mars & Venus franchise (

My first interview with John in January of 2019 was incredible. It was one of his first interviews after losing his longtime partner Bonnie, and was pretty emotional. I was so touched afterward that I spontaneously proposed to Mia Moore the following day—at baggage claim at Burbank airport! He described the ideal partner and I realized, "Hey, what am I waiting for?" 

If you haven’t heard John before, get ready for a wild ride on this show. It’s like he has a windup dial on his back and all he needs is a quick question and he goes to town with intensity, focus, and passion. Some of John's notions and instructions might seem controversial, but as I navigate daily life, I realize more and more that he is spot on. Listen to my show "John Gray Essential Male & Female Relationship Assignments" as I recap ways to achieve relationship harmony and rekindle that lost spark. 

In this episode, John gives us a very interesting, entertaining and fast-moving master class on how to achieve relationship breakthroughs amidst all the ruts, dysfunction and burnout that we see in today's world. It's easy to take relationships for granted today, as we succumb to the allure of dopamine-triggering instant gratification, and heck, we even have Apps that make it easy to pursue a succession of exciting, short-term relationships instead of the richness of committing to a lifelong partner. 

If you’ve been stuck in a mild rut, or want to learn how to avoid one and keep relationship magic alive for decades, John will explain how in this potentially life-changing episode. Hang on for a fantastic ride where John gives you everything you need to succeed in your love relationship. To engage further with John and his teaching partner and daughter Lauren, enroll in an online or live course on his website—Mia Moore and I are attending a John Gray couples weekend later this summer, so maybe you'll want to join us.

Visit for details.



There are hormonal underpinnings that influence modern relationship dynamics. [01:47]

Why is it that some longtime couples get stuck in relationship ruts? [03:56]

What is happening to young men’s being de-masculinized in today’s world? [06:15]

Couples need to have time together and time apart. [09:19]

People take things for granted and get bored because we are used to the dopamine spikes we get from something new and different. [12:55]

We have to limit our exposure to screens and other things that tempt us so we don’t jeopardize our relationships. It is important to have body to body contact. [15:57]

When a woman can be vulnerable, allow herself to feel that vulnerable place, that's what turns men on. [17:59]

Women, in general, are insecure about being loved and being seen, whereas men’s vulnerability is about being successful. [21:22]

Dopamine increases testosterone in men, and when women feel safe, it increases their estrogen, this creating the atmosphere for sex. [25:50]

Men want to feel productive in order to make testosterone. [29:55]

Connecting and socializing with others is very important.  [37:55]

The male brain doesn’t fully develop many of the masculine genes. There is a big difference in biology between men and women. [39:27]

The difference in biology of men and women is the Y chromosome. Mentoring is very important. [42:14]

Anything a woman does that lowers stress, is raising her estrogen. [45:51]

So you gotta do something first, solve the problem, deal with the challenge, then go chill and rebuild testosterone. [47:55]

The way women and men communicate is very different and should be understood so the talk between the couple is clear. [50:09]

The feeling that you are being appreciated and trusted, makes a big impact, particularly in men. [54:45]

In same sex couples, they have a male and female side inside of each of them. [59:52]

Being vulnerable is not always positive. It can be the beginning of a violent confrontation. [01:04:25]

Today’s females biggest fear is her partner’s anger. [01:10:24]

One tip is for the woman to get for four hugs a day and ask, “Do you love me?”

Research shows that if you have sex more than once a week, the testosterone level in the man will diminish. [01:23:17]

Little things make a big difference for women. Little things do very little for men. [01:29:27]

Women should learn to ask for things, even when it is something she can do for herself. [01:31:21]




Join Brad for more fun on:

Instagram: @bradkearns1

Facebook: @bradkearnsjumphigh

Twitter: @bradleykearns

YouTube: @brad.kearns

TikTok: @bradkearns


We appreciate all feedback, and questions for Q&A shows, emailed to If you have a moment, please share an episode you like with a quick text message, or leave a review on your podcast app. Thank you!

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The B.rad Podcast

Join Brad Kearns, New York Times bestselling author and champion triathlete, speedgolfer, and master 
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