Did you know that defensiveness not only causes a cortisol spike, but also releases the powerful enzyme aromatase, and that has an effect on testosterone?

In this show, we’re hearing some more reflections from John Gray—one of my favorite podcast guests ever who always brings the most profound insights—about how to avoid breaking up and instead, reconnect with your partner. You will learn the most common causes that lead to breakups, why marriage statistics are not reliable, what to do when your partner is not happy, and why sexual desire is our strongest drive and of top importance in our relationship. You will also hear great, effective tips for making communication easier with your partner, like how John advises women to “express everything as a preference” since most men just want to be your hero, and as John explains, we have to realize that we are most vulnerable with people we are closest to and most humans don’t like criticism in general. You will also learn what phrase is usually the man’s signal to cease the talking (which, if it continues, will cause the man to get defensive—and this poses problems as it causes a cortisol spike which releases aromatase, and this causes testosterone to convert to estrogen!). 

If you are single or in a relationship, you don’t want to miss this show—you will learn so much that will positively affect your relationships, like why you should never try to change the other person, and why you should never make continued requests or demands, why John says to never speak when you have a negative emotional charge (as a man, but this is good advice for all), and more!

TIMESTAMPS:

Some of the major causes of relationship breakups are suppressed emotions and communication problems. [00:49]

Keep yourself happy.  Do not depend on your partner to make you happy. [03:39]

Ideally, the man wants to feel like the hero, the guy who can come through for the partner and family. [04:55]

It works better when women express things as a preference and compliment your partner for doing things. [08:53]

It is man’s basic nature to solve problems so if you just want him to listen, you need to say that. [09:47]

If a man says, “I hear you,” that is the signal for the woman to stop talking. [10:45]

Don’t try to change the other person. Many women are unaware of how controlling they are. [15:33]

Men: never speak with a negative emotional charge and learn how to make a graceful exit. [19:51]

Men can take the time away to reflect on their contribution and see what triggers there are. [21:41]

Learn to validate the women’s challenges. [29:46]

What techniques can the male learn to deal with emotional disturbances or relationship conflict? Number one: live your life so you don’t have to say “I’m sorry” so often. [30:43]

You don’t have to get defensive, men. Execute the desired behavior.  It doesn’t mean you are caving in. [32:32]

You must understand relationships as a 80-20 proposition. [36:52]

The number one most attractive thing a partner can do is watching your partner excel from a distance. [39:39]

Remind yourself there are times when it’s not your problem to solve, but you can be supportive. [41:00]

Sex spikes testosterone. [42:42]

LINKS:

• Brad Kearns.com
• Brad’s Shopping page
• B.rad Whey Protein Isolate Superfuel - The Best Protein on The Planet! Available in Two Delicious Flavors: Vanilla Bean and Cocoa Bean
• NEW: B.rad Superfruits - Organic Freeze-Dried Exotic Fruit Powder! Natural Electrolyte Hydration & Energy Powder
• Beyond Mars and Venus
• Podcast with Dr. Wendy Walsh
• Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
• Podcast with John Gray
• The Primal Blueprint

Join Brad for more fun on:

Instagram: @bradkearns1

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We appreciate all feedback, and questions for Q&A shows, emailed to podcast@bradventures.com. If you have a moment, please share an episode you like with a quick text message, or leave a review on your podcast app. Thank you!

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