On Your MarksThis week, we’re starting at the very beginning.
You’ve decided you have a goal – maybe you want to become an accountant, or pass your driving test, or run a marathon. Congrats!
So, why can it be so hard to start something new, even if we want to? What is it about fresh challenges that can either light us up or make us shy away? And what might help us take the first step?
This week, we sit down with five-board accredited life coach Michelle Elman. Known as the Queen of Boundaries, Michelle is an author, broadcaster, and public speaker, and all-round expert in helping people face their demons and rise to personal challenges.
From coping with pre-exam nerves to dealing with envy when people post their wins on social media, we’re looking at how we can clear the path ahead and get working on our goals.
This is On Your Marks. Because you’ll never know until you try.
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For more information about ACCA exams, you can go to www.accaglobal.com/exams
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On Your Marks is a Fresh Air Production for ACCA. The Senior Producer is Eva Higginbotham, with support from Sarah Moore. The Executive Producer is Annie Day. The videographer is Yohan Forbes. The Sound Engineer is Basil Oxtoby. The Assistant Producer is Bukky Fadipe. The Marketing Manager is Nik Gandhi.
A real wreck to be honest.
I didn't believe in myself.
I start panicking. It just goes against me because I get really negative thoughts.
Everything you've done up to that point, that's all that you could have done now and that potentially might not be enough.
Any of that sound familiar? Hello, I'm Krutika Adatia, and I'm a chartered accountant who now supports students through their accountancy training. Deciding to pursue an accountancy qualification like ACCA is an amazing first step on the road to an awesome career. But we all know that it's a challenging journey. And as an educator, I've seen it all. Maybe you keep putting off booking your first exam, or you failed an exam and can't bring yourself to try again, or maybe you just need some support. Wherever you're at in your journey towards qualification, this new series from ACCA is here to help you tackle the process head on. I'll be sitting down with experts to take a holistic look at how we can all better handle whatever life throws at us. From facing big challenges...
I failed seven times before I passed, and that was seven times on automatic.
to taking care of tiny details...
Think about those little hits of dopamine, or having a bar of chocolate in the kitchen where after I've done a certain task I can go and help myself to it.
And celebrating the triumphs along the way...
I'll never forget, I came out of Sir Stelios' office and my dad was outside and we just basically high fived as soon as we got to the end of the road.
This is On Your Marks, because you'll never know until you try. This time we are starting at the very beginning and that is, w hy can it be so hard to start something new, even if we want to? What is it about new challenges that can either light us up or make us shy away? And what might help us take the first step? I remember when I started working as an accountancy tutor at a well- known college - teaching was absolutely my passion, but I found it really nerve wracking. I was so nervous before every class. Anxiety is still a work in progress for me, especially when I'm doing something for the first time - like hosting this podcast! So with me today, I've got Michelle Elman. She's a five- board accredited life coach, author, broadcaster, and public speaker. She's an all- round expert in helping people face their demons and rise to their personal challenges. So Michelle, have you ever struggled with something that you know needed to get started with?
Yeah, absolutely. The first thing that probably comes to mind is my driving license. I failed seven times before I passed. And that was seven times on automatic which, when I tell people that, they always think, " You really shouldn't be on the road!" But I think anything unfamiliar, anything that you're doing new for the first time is not going to be automatic to you. You've got to have to learn a skill, whatever it is, whether it's driving or studying for an exam, and so you are not going to be good at it first. This notion that there will be a day where you'll be ready doesn't exist. And the perfect example was when I was training to be a life coach, we all graduated on the same day. And I had a class of maybe 20 people and I remember I launched my website within maybe a month. And a lot of my colleagues were like, " Oh, I'm still perfecting the website." By the time one of my colleagues launched his website, I had already revised my website four times because I had actually gone out there, got clients and altered and changed it according to what I was actually seeing in the world. But because he hadn't adventured out there at all, he didn't know how to adapt it. Of course, when you're starting a new industry and you're starting a new job, you are going to learn things, you're going to learn things rapidly on the go, and that was the way I was doing it. But he was like, " How do you have a full roster of clients and I've only just launched my website?" Well, because I was willing to try, fail, and do it again. And repeat that over and over until my website was the kind of website getting me the clients I wanted.
Reminds me of a quote actually that I think Mark Twain has said, " The secret to getting ahead is getting started." So that's a great example of that.
It's absolutely that. Everyone was a beginner at some point. And it's going into it with the mindset of... Instead of this automatic pass or fail mindset, look at failure as feedback. I always think it's not a failure if you actually learn from it, and you grow from it and you apply it to your next lesson in life.
Michelle, obviously when we have something like a setback like this, often we're feeling anxious. Where is it that anxiety potentially comes from in these situations? Can you talk to us a little bit about that?
Anxiety within life coaching is viewed as fear in the future. So if you think about anytime you've been anxious in life, let's say it's a car crash. You are driving and you're worrying about your car crashing, your body's actually going to exemplify all those symptoms already as if the car crash is happening right now, because the brain doesn't know the difference between real and imagined. The same happens with an exam. If you're picturing yourself failing an exam, your brain doesn't know it's not happening right now. It doesn't know that it's something you are imagining in the future because the picture in your brain is already happening and your body's already reacting to it. So whether it's the sweaty palms, whether it's sweat in general, or whether it's that higher heart rate, the higher blood pressure, whatever it is, it's already happening in your body now, which unfortunately then is almost counterintuitive, doesn't help you pass the exam.
That's interesting. So you're talking about the ways that anxiety can come across in terms of physiological reactions, right?
It comes down to the fact that it's fear in the future. So for you to create it you have to be thinking about the future, but if you actually stay present in the moment, then the anxiety can't exist. So your anxiety about failing your exam can't exist if you're sitting in your chair right now and focusing on the pen in your hand, focusing on your breathing. That anxiety can only arise if the feeling and the sensation in your body are one and the same.
It's interesting you mentioned the racing heart. I know when I get anxious I get that racing heart, the butterfly feeling in my stomach. How can I actually manage that? I know you talk about being present. What sort of strategies w hat can students actually do? What can our listeners do to manage that?
It's a twofold thing. You have two nervous systems. One is a stress nervous system called your sympathetic nervous system, and a calm nervous system called your parasympathetic nervous system. The fastest way to get into your relaxed nervous system, so your parasympathetic nervous system, is to control your breathing, where your exhale needs to be longer than your inhale. If you change your breathing and you focus on that, it's an automatic sign to your body that you are safe, you don't need to go into fight or flight. And when you're in fight or flight, that's when you're not going to be able to access any information. If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, if you are about to fight a tiger, your blood's not necessarily going to your cognitive processes where you're able to think clearly because you are in that all or nothing mindset. So breathing is the first thing. But also, the other thing is if your brain wants to go to the future, then do it in a positive way. The two sentences I would ask yourself is, " How would I be feeling right now if I knew I was going to pass this exam and do the best I've ever done in any exam ever?" I make it very extreme because then your brain can't battle it. And then the other thing is, " How would I leave the exam if I knew I had done the best job I could do?" So it's about the present, but then it's also about the future. If you can imagine yourself walking out of the exam hall... This really helps if you know what the exam hall looks like, so even if you're standing right outside the exam hall and you're about to go in, just imagine yourself walking out the exact same door and going, " Oh!" All of that relief. How would you feel? You would feel relief. You would feel proud of yourself. And actually focusing on that. And if you find it hard to access those emotions, then all you need to do is go into your past and go, " When was the last time I was really proud of myself? Maybe it was when I did my GCSEs." Go into that moment of opening that envelope, seeing your results and being so proud of yourself. Remember how you were feeling at the time, go back into your body at the time. Sometimes it helps closing your eyes, imagining yourself back in the body, opening it. How are you breathing? How are you sitting? How are you standing? And then when you imagine it in the past, your physiology will mimic how you acted back then. And so now you can feel that feeling of pride, feeling of relief in the present, but that means in the future you can imagine yourself walking out that door already feeling that way.
So when you're starting something new, what are some of the factors that can make it really difficult to actually get started with that new thing that you're starting off with?
I think sometimes our goals are too big. So if your goal is to be an accountant, you are looking at so many mini goals within that and actually if you set a mini goal, it's a lot more achievable. You get the win from achieving the goal and then that gives you more momentum to go onto the next step. But when you're looking at the bigger picture, it can be really daunting and also uncertain because it feels like you need to know all the answers in order to get there. But actually going through the process will reveal answers and you might change your mind. So actually deciding, " Okay, what's the first step I need to do," and making a goal around that. And when you set goals, you want to make it as specific as possible. So the date you want to achieve it by, what exactly you want to achieve, and also some suggested ways as to how to get there. Sometimes we don't know how we're going to achieve a goal, but we just need to figure out the first few steps so that we can get on that road. And then it almost takes care of itself because it's all of that momentum. And you get that self- esteem from doing something rather than waiting on that self- esteem appearing for no reason.
Now obviously we live in a society where we're constantly seeing other people and their life stories on social media. And when we think about our specific learners, especially when results come out, we see results being posted on social media. That comparison is something that's obviously something we end up naturally doing. How can we stop ourselves from comparing?
The interesting thing about comparison on social media, especially when it comes to work accomplishments, is that we see the accomplishment and we take it away from the context. There's often a lot of work behind any accomplishment that anyone posts on social media, but it's so easy to go, " Oh, it's really easy for them." And you have to be aware of the story you're telling yourself and actually go back to what the facts are. The fact is they passed their exam, and you might be looking at that picture and feeling jealous because you've not booked yours yet you are too scared to book yours yet. And actually instead of looking at it as jealousy, look at it as inspiration that that's actually spotlighting something that you really desire as well. And actually, instead of looking downwards, which is often a jealousy perspective, looking upwards and going, " Good for them, I'm really proud of them. I might not feel that way right now, but that's just spotlighting the thing that I need to work on. And I'd feel too scared to book the test, but maybe this is the momentum I needed to actually hit that button and book it." And I think when it comes to booking tests, you don't have to feel ready in that moment because I think a lot of the time when it comes to taking that next step, we want to be confident already when actually the fear doesn't really disappear at any point. So I always say do it scared, the fear is not going to stop you unless you decide it can stop you. And Brené Brown often talks about how fear can be in the car, just not in the driver's seat. So don't let fear make the decision, but it's allowed to exist.
What role does confidence then play in this? Because you did allude to the point about you don't need to be fully confident at that point, but can you talk to us a little bit about the role of confidence in all of this?
Well, I think confidence can be a lofty topic because what is it really measured by? And I think ultimately what it comes down to is your internal monologue. And if you're having conversations about how rubbish you are or how you can't study very well or how you have an awful memory, it can become a self- fulfilling prophecy. And so a lot of your confidence is actually down to believing in yourself and knowing that you're capable. But that doesn't mean you have to know you're going to boss the exam. It's the fact that you need to be able to know that whatever happens, you'll be okay. And if it doesn't go well, you can take it again and that you're going to be confident enough to be able to take that risk.
So it's about quieting that critical voice in your head. Now I'm just thinking about learners that are coming through our accountancy qualification and potentially might have challenges like dyslexia or ADHD. What would your advice be to the students struggling with these sorts of challenges?
Figure out what works for your brain. So I went through the academic route and I found that really difficult as a dyslexic. And I struggled with that in my own life and especially around exams. I just found that I never performed at my best because it was just not the best method for me to learn. I remember the time I was most insecure was the third year of university when it was high pressure, everyone's trying to pass their dissertations, and then we have exams coming up. And all my friends would go to the library from six o'clock in the morning and come back at 11 o'clock at night, and I just couldn't. I didn't like studying in a library. There were too many people around me. It really distracted my brain. I also can't work that consistently. So I can work for max 45 minutes, but I need a break. And what I actually found was the time I was most productive is if I did 45 minutes on, 45 minutes TV show, and I would alternate it. But the amount of work... And I still use this today when I'm writing books. I will do 20 minutes of work now, and 40 minutes of a TV show. And that sounds so counterintuitive because the amount of time technically I'm working is shorter than the amount of time I'm relaxing. But in those 40 minutes, you're not relaxing, you're absorbing the information. Being creative. You're thinking of new ways, you're incorporating that new thing you're learning into the things you've already learned. Letting your brain rest is such a crucial part of it. And especially the way they were going to the library at 6: 00 in the morning until 11: 00. My main thing was I needed sleep. I have a lot of chronic illnesses and if I can't sleep, I can't remember anything. But also there's no point in me going to the library with a headache. So if I needed an extra two hours of sleep to actually be able to remember the things, then I was going to go do that. That last year forced me to go, " Why am I trying to do it the way everyone else is doing it," and actually just do it my way. And I passed my exams and I got a wonderful 2: 1 from Bristol and it was because I did it my way. Just because I worked less hours technically, doesn't mean I was working less productively. I was doing what was efficient for my brain. And I think sometimes we get so hooked up on the length of time you study rather than the quality of studying you're doing.
And that's a really important point, isn't it? Finding what works for you. And that actually brings me on to another question that I wanted to ask, which is around the importance of taking care of yourself during this time. How important is that when you're going through a new challenge like studying for an exam?
I think exams particularly, there's this looming thing where you feel like anytime you take a break it could be used more productively. And that's almost shaming yourself into not letting yourself rest. But I always say, " You can take a break before you have a breakdown." And I think it's so important, especially when you're trying to remember huge amounts of information, you need your sleep more than ever. You deserve to take a break. And in that final year of university, I remember my friends wouldn't even go for lunch. This is three months of us heavily studying. It was both the dissertation and also the exams. And you need to be able to go for lunch once in a while, like go out for a meal. Or even just having some time as housemates in our flat would've been lovely. But all day, every day, working non- stop is not the way to maximize your best potential. And I think understanding that just because you're taking a day off, or just because you're going out for lunch, or even going on a night out, doesn't mean you're lazy. It doesn't mean you're not being productive. Actually, that stuff works hand in hand with being able to perform your best.
I love that. And the phrase that you've just said, " you need a break before you break down," that's a great one. I probably need to remind myself to do a bit more of that when I'm feeling overwhelmed. So really, how can we get our students to get into the best pre- exam mindset then?
Well, I think you have to be so conscious of the things that you tell yourself around, " I'm going to fail. This is not going to go well." Being conscious of that and then trying to reverse it. So one of the things that I use within a lot of personal development is something I call evidences, where at the end of every night I write three things I'm grateful for, or three things I'm proud of, or three things I learned that day would be a great one to do around exams. And actually focusing on what you do know rather than focusing on what you don't know. There's always going to be more to learn, but trying to go for the quantity of stuff you know is not always best. And sometimes you focus on all the other chapters there are to learn, to read, all of that, when actually you've already done so much. And if you don't focus on what you already know and take some time to consolidate that, then going forward isn't going to be any more help. You haven't utilised what you've already learned. And so at the end of every day, if you can write three things you're proud of, or three things you've learned, or three things that you did to make yourself proud or to impress yourself. Those are ways you can change that inner dialogue and make it more positive.
I love that. Just writing down what you've learned during the day. And actually, I remember when I was a student, that was a technique I tried to adopt. At the end of the day be like, " Right, what are the five things I remember?" That idea of repetition, being retention as well. Thank you, Michelle. Before we wrap up, just wanted to ask, are there three strategies that you could give us? I know you've given us loads of golden nuggets through this conversation but if you could give us three things that students can think about to manage their anxiety when they're starting off, what would you say?
The first thing I would say is do a massive sigh. When you sit down at your desk to do the exam do a massive sigh. It tricks your brain into thinking that it's already done. And then there's another thing called the psychological sigh, and that's when you do two in breaths and one out breath. And you make the out breath more forceful, but the two in breaths... It's called the psychological sigh because, again, it goes into that calm nervous system. Then if your brain starts going crazy or your brain just won't be quiet and you're sitting there and you're about to start the exam, something you can do is you can focus on your senses. So five things you are touching right now, whether it's the chair or the floor with your feet, or I'm touching the table. Focusing on what you can see, maybe you can see four things around you. Name four things you can see around you, obviously not out loud if you're in the exam hall. What can you smell? What can you touch? What can you taste? All of those things ground you into the present and where you are right now. And then also try to enjoy it. That sounds so weird when it comes to exams, but actually going into it being like, "This is the time I get to prove myself." Rising to the challenge. Seeing it as a challenge rather than a threat to you. It's also the close of a chapter because if you've been studying, it's been so many months that, actually, this is the time... And if you come into it with a bit more... Almost as if like " show me what you got!" attitude, as opposed to like, " Oh, this is really severe and serious. And if this doesn't work then I don't know what I'll do." That will put your brain into shutdown mode a lot faster than looking at it being like, " This is a challenge and I'm going to boss it."
Amazing. Love that. Breathing, grounding, and enjoying the journey.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Michelle.
Thank you.
That's it from this episode of On Your Marks. For more information about ACCA exams, you can go to www. accaglobal. com/ exams. And to watch the video version of this podcast, check out the link in the show notes. See you next time. I'm Krutika Adatia, and this has been On Your Marks.
