The phrase “indoda ayikhali” is a well-known isiZulu proverb  in South Africa that translates to “a man does not cry.” It reflects a deeply entrenched cultural belief in many African societies and others around the world that men must be stoic, emotionally reserved, and tough in the face of hardship.

This expression has historically been used to teach boys to suppress vulnerability and emotional expression, especially sadness or fear.

We debated the emotional upbringing of boys in 2025 with Musa Mseleku, traditionalist, polygamist and public figure, MKhulu Nobamba Zulu, founder Kwa-Nobamba Family Spiritual and Mental Wellness Institute and McDonald Thato Rametse, founder of Pakgama Learning and Mentorship Hub.