On this episode of On Purpose, I sat down with Laurie Santos. Laurie is most known for her Yale course “Psychology and the Good Life”. 



We discussed how our minds are sucky, and lie to us constantly. Laurie reminds us that external accolades will never bring long-term happiness, and that strong social connections are what we should be aiming for. 

On this episode of On Purpose, I sat down with Laurie Santos. Laurie is most known for her Yale course “Psychology and the Good Life”. 
 
We discussed how our minds are sucky, and lie to us constantly. Laurie reminds us that external accolades will never bring long-term happiness, and that strong social connections are what we should be aiming for.

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.

I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.
I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

On this episode of On Purpose, I sat down with Laurie Santos. Laurie is most known for her Yale course “Psychology and the Good Life”. 

 

We discussed how our minds are sucky, and lie to us constantly. Laurie reminds us that external accolades will never bring long-term happiness, and that strong social connections are what we should be aiming for.

Laurie Santos: ON Teaching The Most Popular Class at Yale University

Today, Jay shares how, before we even get out of bed, our minds are already filled with worries, quiet anxieties, and thoughts we didn’t choose. Instead of intentionally creating our day, most of us unknowingly inherit stress from yesterday. Drawing on both modern neuroscience and ancient wisdom traditions, Jay reframes the morning not as a routine, but as the foundation of our mental “operating system”, a critical window where our thoughts shape how we experience the next 16 hours.

Rather than relying on empty affirmations, Jay offers a more grounded, evidence-based approach rooted in how the brain actually works. He explains how our minds are most programmable in the early morning, when emotions are heightened and our critical thinking is still waking up. This creates a rare opportunity to interrupt automatic patterns, reset our focus, and consciously direct our attention before the world begins to pull us in different directions.

In this episode you'll learn:

How to Take Control of Your Mind First Thing in the Morning

How to Stop Inheriting Anxiety Each Day

How to Rewire Your Thoughts in Minutes

How to Protect Your Attention Early

How to Measure Your Day with Purpose Not Productivity 

Every morning is a quiet reset, an opportunity that doesn’t ask for perfection, only intention. You don’t need to have everything figured out, and you don’t need to feel ready. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX

Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:26 Your Morning Is Programming the Rest of Your Day

04:17 The Creator's Hour

08:48 #1: I Am Awake Before My Problems

12:29 #2: I Am Not Yesterday

15:17 #3: Today I Direct My Attention

18:40 #4: I Won't Try to Solve Problems That Haven't Happened Yet

21:48 #5: My Body Isn't a Vehicle For My Head

25:14 #6: I Focus on What Matters Most, Not What Feels Urgent

28:25 #7: I Measure Today by Who I Am, Not Just What I Achieve

Today, Jay shares how, before we even get out of bed, our minds are already filled with worries, quiet anxieties, and thoughts we didn&rsquo;t choose. Instead of intentionally creating our day, most of us unknowingly inherit stress from yesterday. Drawing on both modern neuroscience and ancient wisdom traditions, Jay reframes the morning not as a routine, but as the foundation of our mental &ldquo;operating system&rdquo;, a critical window where our thoughts shape how we experience the next 16 hours.
Rather than relying on empty affirmations, Jay offers a more grounded, evidence-based approach rooted in how the brain actually works. He explains how our minds are most programmable in the early morning, when emotions are heightened and our critical thinking is still waking up. This creates a rare opportunity to interrupt automatic patterns, reset our focus, and consciously direct our attention before the world begins to pull us in different directions.
In this episode you'll learn:
How to Take Control of Your Mind First Thing in the Morning
How to Stop Inheriting Anxiety Each Day
How to Rewire Your Thoughts in Minutes
How to Protect Your Attention Early
How to Measure Your Day with Purpose Not Productivity&nbsp;
Every morning is a quiet reset, an opportunity that doesn&rsquo;t ask for perfection, only intention. You don&rsquo;t need to have everything figured out, and you don&rsquo;t need to feel ready.&nbsp;
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
JAY&rsquo;S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX
Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: <a href="https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe">https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe</a>&nbsp;
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:26 Your Morning Is Programming the Rest of Your Day
04:17 The Creator's Hour
08:48 #1: I Am Awake Before My Problems
12:29 #2: I Am Not Yesterday
15:17 #3: Today I Direct My Attention
18:40 #4: I Won't Try to Solve Problems That Haven't Happened Yet
21:48 #5: My Body Isn't a Vehicle For My Head
25:14 #6: I Focus on What Matters Most, Not What Feels Urgent
28:25 #7: I Measure Today by Who I Am, Not Just What I Achieve

7 Things to Tell Yourself Every Morning (Follow This Simple Morning Reset to Calm Your Mind Before the Day Begins)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/55e495e1-75ec-47d7-bde2-b42100620095/transcript

In this special live conversation at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver, Canada, Jay sits down with renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté for a deeply moving exploration of identity, healing, and the hidden patterns that shape our lives. Gabor explains that our obsession with how others perceive us often begins in childhood, when our fundamental need to be seen and understood isn’t fully met. In response, many people unconsciously adapt, hiding parts of themselves or becoming who they think others want them to be in order to feel accepted and loved.

In this episode you'll Learn:

How to Stop Living for Others’ Approval

How to Break Generational Trauma Patterns

How to Know If You’re Living Your True Life

How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Productivity

How to Recognize When Stress Is Hurting You

How to Listen to Your Inner Voice Again

How to Start Saying “No” Without Feeling Guilty

How to Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism

How to Turn Your Past Coping Patterns Into Healing

How to Ask the Question That Changes Your Life

Real change doesn’t come from forcing yourself to be perfect or trying to fix everything overnight. It begins with small moments of awareness, pausing long enough to listen to that quiet inner voice, asking honest questions about what feels true for you, and giving yourself permission to honor it. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX

Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe 

Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

00:41 Why Do We Care So Much About Others’ Opinions?

03:10 Learning to Love People the Way They Need

04:53 How Childhood Shapes Our Need for Approval

06:46 The Dangerous Belief: “I’m Only Valuable If…”

11:02 Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Rest?

12:37 What Stress Is Really Doing to Your Brain and Body

16:19 Saying “No” Is Essential for Your Wellbeing 

21:05 The Power of Asking Yourself Honest Questions

23:44 How to Listen to Your Gut Again

29:52 A Live Compassionate Inquiry Session

33:23 Your Healing Is Helping Your Children

35:08 Trusting the Wisdom Already Inside You

36:53 Your Coping Mechanisms Aren’t Failures

40:11 Turning Past Mistakes Into Lessons

41:45 Balancing Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance

47:54 The Question That Can Change Your Life

Episode Resources:

Website | https://drgabormate.com/ 

YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA 

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate 

Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/ 

X | https://x.com/drgabormate

In this special live conversation at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver, Canada, Jay sits down with renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Mat&eacute; for a deeply moving exploration of identity, healing, and the hidden patterns that shape our lives. Gabor explains that our obsession with how others perceive us often begins in childhood, when our fundamental need to be seen and understood isn&rsquo;t fully met. In response, many people unconsciously adapt, hiding parts of themselves or becoming who they think others want them to be in order to feel accepted and loved.
In this episode you'll Learn:
How to Stop Living for Others&rsquo; Approval
How to Break Generational Trauma Patterns
How to Know If You&rsquo;re Living Your True Life
How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Productivity
How to Recognize When Stress Is Hurting You
How to Listen to Your Inner Voice Again
How to Start Saying &ldquo;No&rdquo; Without Feeling Guilty
How to Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism
How to Turn Your Past Coping Patterns Into Healing
How to Ask the Question That Changes Your Life
Real change doesn&rsquo;t come from forcing yourself to be perfect or trying to fix everything overnight. It begins with small moments of awareness, pausing long enough to listen to that quiet inner voice, asking honest questions about what feels true for you, and giving yourself permission to honor it.&nbsp;
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
JAY&rsquo;S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX
Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: <a href="https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe">https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe</a> &nbsp;
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! <a href="https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast">https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast</a>&nbsp;
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:41 Why Do We Care So Much About Others&rsquo; Opinions?
03:10 Learning to Love People the Way They Need
04:53 How Childhood Shapes Our Need for Approval
06:46 The Dangerous Belief: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m Only Valuable If&hellip;&rdquo;
11:02 Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Rest?
12:37 What Stress Is Really Doing to Your Brain and Body
16:19 Saying &ldquo;No&rdquo; Is Essential for Your Wellbeing&nbsp;
21:05 The Power of Asking Yourself Honest Questions
23:44 How to Listen to Your Gut Again
29:52 A Live Compassionate Inquiry Session
33:23 Your Healing Is Helping Your Children
35:08 Trusting the Wisdom Already Inside You
36:53 Your Coping Mechanisms Aren&rsquo;t Failures
40:11 Turning Past Mistakes Into Lessons
41:45 Balancing Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance
47:54 The Question That Can Change Your Life
Episode Resources:
Website | <a href="https://drgabormate.com/">https://drgabormate.com/</a>&nbsp;
YouTube | <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA">https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA</a>&nbsp;
Facebook | <a href="https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate">https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate</a>&nbsp;
Instagram | <a href="https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/">https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/</a>&nbsp;
X | <a href="https://x.com/drgabormate">https://x.com/drgabormate</a>

Dr. Gabor Maté: Constantly Worrying What People Think of You? (THIS Simple Shift Will Help You Trust Yourself and Stop Seeking Approval)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/8718d5c7-a5c3-441f-8442-b41f005db1af/transcript

Many of us have been on countless dead-end dates, excited by the wrong people, overlooking the right ones, and left wondering why finding a healthy relationship still feels so complicated.

Jay sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Logan Ury to explore why modern dating feels harder than ever and what we can actually do to build meaningful relationships in a world full of options. Together, they unpack the hidden psychology behind attraction, the myths we believe about “the spark,” and how dating apps have changed the way we evaluate potential partners. Logan shares how many people unknowingly sabotage their chances at love by chasing instant chemistry instead of long-term compatibility, reminding us that the strongest relationships are often built through curiosity, emotional safety, and shared values rather than immediate intensity.

Jay and Logan also dive into the patterns that keep people stuck in cycles of disappointing relationships. From the pressure to find the “perfect” partner to the fear of vulnerability, they discuss how modern dating culture can create unrealistic expectations. Logan explains the difference between people who date intentionally and those who drift through relationships without clarity, and why small mindset shifts, like asking better questions, focusing on growth potential, and recognizing emotional availability, can dramatically change our outcomes. The conversation highlights how understanding our own habits, attachment styles, and communication patterns can help us show up more authentically in love.

In this episode you'll learn:

How to Stop Chasing the Wrong People

How to Look Beyond the First Date Spark

How to Choose Compatibility Over Chemistry

How to Date with Clear Intentions

How to Avoid the “Maximizer” Dating Trap

How to Ask Better Questions on Dates

How to Build Attraction That Grows Over Time

How to Date in a World of Endless Options

If dating has ever made you feel discouraged, confused, or like you’re falling behind, you’re not alone. Building a meaningful relationship in today’s world can feel overwhelming, but the truth is that love isn’t about finding someone perfect, it’s about finding someone willing to grow with you.

What are your dating blind spots? Take the quiz to find out! www.loganury.com/quiz  

If you’re ready to understand your patterns in love and build healthier relationships, check out How to Not Die Alone. Click here to order: https://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Die-Alone-Surprising/dp/1982120622 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX

Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. 

Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:11 The Problem with Modern Dating Expectations

04:16 The Three Types of Daters

06:30 Do You Believe In a Soulmate?

08:20 Why Dating Burnout Is So Common

10:23 Why Does Dating Feel So Difficult Today?

14:04 Why Hustle Culture Fails in Dating

15:46 Two Ways to Approach Dating Intentionally

18:52 What Is “Chalant” Dating?

21:35 When Rejection Becomes Content

24:12 The Rise of a Hesitant Generation

26:01 Why We’re Afraid to Make a Move

27:14 The Challenge of Male Vulnerability

29:23 Why Rejection Feels So Personal

32:21 The Fear of Choosing the Wrong Person

38:01 What Actually Predicts Long-Term Relationship Success?

44:36 The Biggest Lie We’re Told About Love

47:13 The Myth of the Movie-Moment First Meeting

49:22 Are Dating Apps Making Us Replaceable?

50:19 Start by Fixing Your Dating Profile

53:58 How to Optimize Your Dating Profile

01:08:07 Make It Easy for People to Engage with You

01:10:01 What Is Friction-Maxing?

01:12:11 “Rose Jail” on Hinge 

01:15:58 Choosing a Partner Takes Real Effort

01:17:13 Do You Believe in  “Right Person, Wrong Time?”

01:18:22 Are People Giving Up Too Quickly on Love?

01:19:57 Post Date Eight 

01:23:35 How Do You Define Love?

01:25:15 Is Love Alone Enough?

01:26:24 Falling in Love vs. Being in Love

01:27:50 What Truly Makes a Great Partner?

01:29:18 Are Your Standards Too High?

01:31:19 Understanding the “Ick”

01:35:23 This or That: Love Edition

01:40:36 Logan on Final Five

Episode Resources:

Website | https://www.loganury.com/ 

Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/loganury 

LinkedIn | linkedin.com/in/loganury/ 

The Later Daters: https://www.netflix.com/ph-en/title/81665880

Many of us have been on countless dead-end dates, excited by the wrong people, overlooking the right ones, and left wondering why finding a healthy relationship still feels so complicated.
Jay sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Logan Ury to explore why modern dating feels harder than ever and what we can actually do to build meaningful relationships in a world full of options. Together, they unpack the hidden psychology behind attraction, the myths we believe about &ldquo;the spark,&rdquo; and how dating apps have changed the way we evaluate potential partners. Logan shares how many people unknowingly sabotage their chances at love by chasing instant chemistry instead of long-term compatibility, reminding us that the strongest relationships are often built through curiosity, emotional safety, and shared values rather than immediate intensity.
Jay and Logan also dive into the patterns that keep people stuck in cycles of disappointing relationships. From the pressure to find the &ldquo;perfect&rdquo; partner to the fear of vulnerability, they discuss how modern dating culture can create unrealistic expectations. Logan explains the difference between people who date intentionally and those who drift through relationships without clarity, and why small mindset shifts, like asking better questions, focusing on growth potential, and recognizing emotional availability, can dramatically change our outcomes. The conversation highlights how understanding our own habits, attachment styles, and communication patterns can help us show up more authentically in love.
In this episode you'll learn:
How to Stop Chasing the Wrong People
How to Look Beyond the First Date Spark
How to Choose Compatibility Over Chemistry
How to Date with Clear Intentions
How to Avoid the &ldquo;Maximizer&rdquo; Dating Trap
How to Ask Better Questions on Dates
How to Build Attraction That Grows Over Time
How to Date in a World of Endless Options
If dating has ever made you feel discouraged, confused, or like you&rsquo;re falling behind, you&rsquo;re not alone. Building a meaningful relationship in today&rsquo;s world can feel overwhelming, but the truth is that love isn&rsquo;t about finding someone perfect, it&rsquo;s about finding someone willing to grow with you.
What are your dating blind spots? Take the quiz to find out! <a href="http://loganury.com/quiz">www.loganury.com/quiz</a> &nbsp;
If you&rsquo;re ready to understand your patterns in love and build healthier relationships, check out How to Not Die Alone. Click here to order: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Die-Alone-Surprising/dp/1982120622">https://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Die-Alone-Surprising/dp/1982120622</a>&nbsp;
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
JAY&rsquo;S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX
Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe <a href="https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe">here</a>.&nbsp;
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! <a href="https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast">https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast</a>&nbsp;
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:11 The Problem with Modern Dating Expectations
04:16 The Three Types of Daters
06:30 Do You Believe In a Soulmate?
08:20 Why Dating Burnout Is So Common
10:23 Why Does Dating Feel So Difficult Today?
14:04 Why Hustle Culture Fails in Dating
15:46 Two Ways to Approach Dating Intentionally
18:52 What Is &ldquo;Chalant&rdquo; Dating?
21:35 When Rejection Becomes Content
24:12 The Rise of a Hesitant Generation
26:01 Why We&rsquo;re Afraid to Make a Move
27:14 The Challenge of Male Vulnerability
29:23 Why Rejection Feels So Personal
32:21 The Fear of Choosing the Wrong Person
38:01 What Actually Predicts Long-Term Relationship Success?
44:36 The Biggest Lie We&rsquo;re Told About Love
47:13 The Myth of the Movie-Moment First Meeting
49:22 Are Dating Apps Making Us Replaceable?
50:19 Start by Fixing Your Dating Profile
53:58 How to Optimize Your Dating Profile
01:08:07 Make It Easy for People to Engage with You
01:10:01 What Is Friction-Maxing?
01:12:11 &ldquo;Rose Jail&rdquo; on Hinge&nbsp;
01:15:58 Choosing a Partner Takes Real Effort
01:17:13 Do You Believe in&nbsp; &ldquo;Right Person, Wrong Time?&rdquo;
01:18:22 Are People Giving Up Too Quickly on Love?
01:19:57 Post Date Eight&nbsp;
01:23:35 How Do You Define Love?
01:25:15 Is Love Alone Enough?
01:26:24 Falling in Love vs. Being in Love
01:27:50 What Truly Makes a Great Partner?
01:29:18 Are Your Standards Too High?
01:31:19 Understanding the &ldquo;Ick&rdquo;
01:35:23 This or That: Love Edition
01:40:36 Logan on Final Five
Episode Resources:
Website | <a href="https://www.loganury.com/">https://www.loganury.com/</a>&nbsp;
Instagram | <a href="https://www.instagram.com/loganury">https://www.instagram.com/loganury</a>&nbsp;
LinkedIn | <a href="http://linkedin.com/in/loganury/">linkedin.com/in/loganury/</a>&nbsp;
The Later Daters: <a href="https://www.netflix.com/ph-en/title/81665880">https://www.netflix.com/ph-en/title/81665880</a>

Logan Ury: #1 Dating Mistake That Leads to the Wrong Relationship (Use THIS Compatibility Test Before You Get Attached)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/aacaba40-caf6-499c-84d2-b41d0067d3e2/transcript

Laurie Santos: ON Teaching The Most Popular Class at Yale University

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