In this special live conversation at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver, Canada, Jay sits down with renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté for a deeply moving exploration of identity, healing, and the hidden patterns that shape our lives. Gabor explains that our obsession with how others perceive us often begins in childhood, when our fundamental need to be seen and understood isn’t fully met. In response, many people unconsciously adapt, hiding parts of themselves or becoming who they think others want them to be in order to feel accepted and loved.

In this episode you'll Learn:

How to Stop Living for Others’ Approval

How to Break Generational Trauma Patterns

How to Know If You’re Living Your True Life

How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Productivity

How to Recognize When Stress Is Hurting You

How to Listen to Your Inner Voice Again

How to Start Saying “No” Without Feeling Guilty

How to Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism

How to Turn Your Past Coping Patterns Into Healing

How to Ask the Question That Changes Your Life

Real change doesn’t come from forcing yourself to be perfect or trying to fix everything overnight. It begins with small moments of awareness, pausing long enough to listen to that quiet inner voice, asking honest questions about what feels true for you, and giving yourself permission to honor it. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

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What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

00:41 Why Do We Care So Much About Others’ Opinions?

03:10 Learning to Love People the Way They Need

04:53 How Childhood Shapes Our Need for Approval

06:46 The Dangerous Belief: “I’m Only Valuable If…”

11:02 Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Rest?

12:37 What Stress Is Really Doing to Your Brain and Body

16:19 Saying “No” Is Essential for Your Wellbeing 

21:05 The Power of Asking Yourself Honest Questions

23:44 How to Listen to Your Gut Again

29:52 A Live Compassionate Inquiry Session

33:23 Your Healing Is Helping Your Children

35:08 Trusting the Wisdom Already Inside You

36:53 Your Coping Mechanisms Aren’t Failures

40:11 Turning Past Mistakes Into Lessons

41:45 Balancing Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance

47:54 The Question That Can Change Your Life

Episode Resources:

Website | https://drgabormate.com/ 

YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA 

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate 

Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/ 

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