3 Ways to Learn to Regulate Your Emotions in Stressful Times & Approaching Disagreements with Respect and Positivity in Your Relationship

Published May 26, 2023, 7:00 AM

Today, I am going to share with you the conversation I had with Hannah Berner where we talk about the life lessons we all need to help us battle our individual life struggles, the reason why there is no set guidelines to dating and falling in love, and how to regulate your emotions when you need it the most. 

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.

What We Discuss:

  • 00:00 Intro
  • 01:29 How did you become a monk and how has your life changed since then?
  • 05:54 Who was your first crush and what was the experience like? 
  • 08:45 What classes do you think are essential to living a fulfilled life?  
  • 12:52 Battling with anxiety and going against what your community expects you to do
  • 16:48 Taking different practices from different traditions
  • 19:56 There are no set guidelines when it come to dating and falling in love
  • 24:15 How do you effectively argue with your partner?
  • 29:40 Appreciating who your partner is and loving them unconditionally
  • 31:47 How do you decide on what to share in public and still keep your personal life private?
  • 35:10 How do you monitor social media and still live the best life?
  • 39:22 What is your version of hell?
  • 40:19 Hannah’s seven deadly sins


Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/

Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be adding a really special offering onto the back of my solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress free life. We dive into a range of topics and the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long, so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the on Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for you this year, so I'll be playing a handpicked Daily Jay during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, I'm sharing an inspiring story that motivates me and hopefully can motivate you too. Of course, if you want to listen to The Daily Jay every day, you can go subscribe to Calm. So go to calm dot com forward slash Jay for forty percent off your membership today.

Oh my gosh.

You know.

Obviously, Burning in Hell is a mental health comedy podcast and we have a lot of hilarious comedians on. We have a lot of insightful people, but we've never had a man who was a monk, and he's been everywhere and now he's finally, you know, hit the top. He's come to burning in hell, he's found the mecca of mental health. Welcome Jay Sheddy to the pot.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad that I get to be with you today. Honestly, thank you.

You have very good energy.

Thank you because you never know.

I was. I thought I might be intimidated by you, like he's all knowing, he's also very famous. There's like a lot of things that could be intimidating, but you kind of you have a very warm, warm energy that.

Means the world to me. That's that's the best thing I could have had Today's.

Yeah, because I'm like, do people just like him because he has blue eyes? Or is he actually you know? I mean, you are on this book tour and you sent it to me The Eight Rules of Love and you're married, yes, which I kind of love because there's a lot of like dating you know, people out there and they've like never had a relationship before. But I like that your book is not only like your teachings and your research over the years, but you also say a little bit more about yourself. So what I want to bring into this podcast today, because I feel like you have so much amazing knowledge everywhere, is to get to know you a little more, get to know your hell a little bit and that you've been through. Why have I not been asked to become a monk yet? Like, how do you get into the monk ship? How did you get in? Because no one's I'm not on the email list?

Yeah yeah you didn't. You didn't get the memo. No I'm not. You subscribed, Yeah no, I didn't swipe up, Yeah no. And it's and for me it was the same. It was I met a monk for the first time. His name's Gouranga Das. I met him when I was eighteen years old, and I met him because you still had to go to events to meet people because there was no YouTube podcasts, you know, it was it was a while ago, and so I would go to events. I'd love hearing from CEOs and athletes and musicians about their rags to riches stories. And I wasn't fascinated by the rags and the riches. I was fascinated by what you're fascinated about here, like people's challenges and their mindset and how they got there. And one night my friend said to me, hey, we should go and hear this monk speak. And I said to them, I said, well, what am I going to learn from a monk? I'm fascinated by people who've gone from nothing to something, not nothing to nothing, like what am I going to learn from this guy? And they said, no, we should go, and I said, okay, I'll only go if we go to a bar afterwards. Like that was my negotiation tactic, so to prove how spiritual I am. Yes, that's what I was like as an eighteen year old, and my friends were highly convincing. They said, yeah, sure, sure, sure, we'll go to a bar afterwards. And so I went to this event and I went there with very low expectations. I thought I was going to walk in, walk out, We're going to hit up this bar. And I walked there and I found something I wasn't looking for. I wasn't looking for spirituality, I wasn't looking for meditation, I wasn't looking for well being. And the way this monk spoke, he was talking about how serving others with your skills is the purpose of human life, using your gifts to impact and help other people is what we're meant to do. And I'd never heard that before. So eighteen year old me stayed behind wanted to shake his hand, like meet him. I ended up traveling with him that whole week in London, going to all his events. Then I spent all my summer vacations and Christmas vacations traveling to India to live with him in the monastery. And then when I graduated, I lived as a monk for three years. And so it was a very long journey of spending time with this one monk, to then spending time with the monks, and then actually living as a monk. Holy Sorry, that's the quick version.

No, that was that was beautiful. Oh and were you in where were you based when you weren't in.

Two hours outside of Mumbai? And then we traveled across Europe as well, so we'd live it different.

And where were you living when you were like with your friends and stuff?

I was. I was in London, So I went to university London Town, from London, from corner, raised in London. Yeah.

Very cool. And I also feel like you've transcended like traditional what we think it is, which is honestly like not relatable, and you've put it in this such like like even your book, like you talk about boys and stuff and it's the kind of stuff that we information that we could retain. So you kind of have figured out how to talk about love. But what did you when you're a monk? Right?

No, you're not, definitely not. So you're like a ce celibate and you don't talk too well for me the opposite sex, but you don't talk to the sex that you're attracted to. So I'm completely living a celibate life. I haven't spoken to a woman for those three years. And the point isn't repression of suppression. The point is to redirect your energy. And I always like to clarify that because a lot of people think that monks think like, oh women are bad or this, and it's not. Yeah, it's actually a side of can I dedicate my mind to mastering my mind? Like can I focus on that?

We do like really hot showers, so people think we're connected as Satan sometimes as well men.

Right, yeah, oh yeah, I got it. We did cold showers and months for that music there you got.

You know, they do say the cold shower thing like gets your mind, right, but I'm like, I'm like, that was.

The original that we were taking cold showers, like that was that was a normal part of life, and and yeah, it was just what I found that I got from that experience is from age fourteen, which is when I started dating, to age twenty one, I don't think I ever had a gap between seeing someone or meeting someone withing with someone, Like, yeah, your teen years, you're like constantly moving relationship to relationship to relationship, and those three years and if you think about it, even for yourself maybe anyone who's listening, how many days have you actually spent not in the pursuit of someone or not being pursued by someone in your entire life.

It's such a drug.

It's it's very littal, it's so mental, so many.

Because I always say, like I'm a creative genius as an I give me anyone and in my head, I will make up something that I want, like put them on any pedestal. Because having your crushes like it gives you a purpose.

Oh my gosh, it gives you a purpose, like waking.

Up in the morning is easier when you're like, I hope I run into Jeremy at the cooler.

You know, Well, I ran into my first crush. I still remember I was like eleven years old. How old were you when you had your first crush?

Oh, I was desertive from a young age.

Cool. Yeah, it took me to eleven. So I was the late bloomer by your standard. But I remember having this crush and every guy in school had a crush on this girl. And I was overweight growing up. I was also pretty much one of the only Indians in my whole class, and so I got bullied a lot for both of those things. And so I remember turning up to school late one day and everyone in the class was laughing at me and pointing and giggling, and I was like, what do they know? And then I got a little slip from one of my friends and I opened it up when you used to send notes in class when you can text, And I opened it up and it said she knows, and I was like, she knows what? And so basically everyone in class had told the one girl that everyone had a crush on, that only I had a crush on her. And so for the less rest of the day, all the girls stood behind like the playground in class and we're just shouting like you're not in her league, She's out of your league. It was terrible. So that was my first experence. Was very traumatizing. It's very traumatizing. But so it wasn't a drug for me. It was, Yeah, it was. It was a bad drug exactly.

There is a thin line between like the joy it could bring you and the pain. And I do like in your book that you talk about not only just the joy, but like the joys of being alone, the joys of a breakup, that there are positivities in it is your book, how much is a gender based like in terms of if you're a woman or a guy reading it.

So I tried to take gender out of it because I really feel that a lot of what we're experiencing today is a complete mixture of experiences. I don't think you could say, well, this is the same experience that old women have. Yeah, Like, I just don't think that's the case anymore. Like I have so many more of my female friends that are like the breadwin is in their relationship now and they're leading the way, or they're more driven and ambitious than some of their partners. And so, yeah, the stereotypes are all Yeah, they're all blood. And so for me, I was trying to write a book that anyone could pick up in this generation and go, Okay, whether I'm looking for love with, whether I'm trying to hold onto it, or whether someone just broke up with me and hurt me, this book's going to help that person.

What I love about this book and I think you might have said it on Call Her Daddy, Okay a girl, Alex, we love is you were like, there's so much stuff that are not taught to us in school, and it sounds like you almost had whatever education you had and then thought this wasn't enough for me. And then you have gone into your own studies and research and experiences. If you could have a j shuddy like high school, what classes do you think are essential to living a fulfilled life?

It is such a good and honestly a little.

Too deep, and you know, well, I'm trying to challenge you. Make it funny, Yeah, I'm trying to challenge you.

Most of us should not start a high school, including me, Like, like, first of all, let's just put it out there. Starting a high school or a primary school, I sorry, element school as you call it here is such a deep important task that no one should just start schools. I think it's highly dangerous. And so even what I'm about to say, it's caveatd with the fact that I don't think even I know enough at this point to start a school. I think that's unhealthy.

Yes, but if you were like ire on a townhall meeting, can we add these classes? Yeah, this is our town meeting.

First of all, my biggest class would be emotional regulation. That would be the number one class. And the reason I say that, and it comes back to the Book of Solitude, is that it's said that our heartbeats and our heart rates they synchronize when we're close to other people. And so first our caregivers, whether it's your mother or your father, your uncle or your aunt, whoever took care of you, your heartbeat and your heart rate synchronizes with theirs. And so the study says that the best thing for your nervous system is another human being, but the worst thing for your nervous system is another human being.

Okay, that sounds like a pyramid scheme, and I hate that life has done this to us.

Yeah, And so what I find is that your heart rate gets SYNCD up to your partners where you're now sharing a mood. And so if you don't know how to self regulate, if you don't have to regulate your own emotions, you're just going to become dependent on whoever you're around. And that's why codependency takes off because we never learned to regulate our own emotions. So that's class number one.

And if you grew up with a parent who also had trouble, then you could be anxious like they are, anxious based on things that are out of your control.

Absolutely, and that's class number two. Healing from parents and healing from first loves, because whether it's your parents who, whether it's the first guy or girl or person you dated, all of those first love experiences completely transform what you want in a relationship. Maybe the first person you dated like made you insecure about how you look. Now anyone that tells you look good is like the next attractive human beings.

When that person was projecting their own down to.

You exactly exactly. And the person who's being complimentary to you, they may not even deeply like you. They may like you only for that. And so I think unraveling the gifts and gaps as I put in the book that our parents get is class number two.

I'd like to call it reparenting. Yeah, where it's kind of like the voices in your head are those negative things where you can say, actually, how would I want to have spoken to my inner child? What's the third class?

Well, I'm allowed another one? Yeah, all right, okay, class number three. Class number three would have.

To be do you think meditation should be on it?

I was Actually I would put meditation there. I might add that as a tool in emotional regulation. Yes, it's a tool and a practice.

True.

I would say that's an after school program. Yeah, that's regular. If you're smart, you get signed up. Yeah. No. The other one that I'd add is financial master and financial training. I just think that no one has any clue about how much they should spend on rent, whether you should get a mortgage or not, should you buy a house or not, should you save up for one? Do you save or do you invest? What do you invest in? How do you know? Like, I think we have no idea.

Until you're like thirty four and someone goes, why haven't you been putting this into an And you're like, is that a STD?

Like?

What is an IRA? So that is so true. I'm actually I grew up from a family of teachers, Like my grandpa was a gym teacher, my mom was a principal, my grandma was a librarian, and they I think about teaching a lot, and I just think there's so many holes because I was a people pleaser, and I always I was a perfectionist. I just wanted straight a's. So I wasn't like consuming it. I was just trying to win the game and then I would forget it. And then I entered life and it didn't matter that it's straight a's. I was battling, you know, my perfectionism, anxiety depression, performing so that I feel lovable. Look at this a turn to a therapy session, but that's what it always does. And within yourself, how is your levels of anxiety depression? Do you deal with a cocktail of them? What is your journey with that been?

Yeah, I feel like I really rebelled growing up against what my parents or what my community wanted me to do. So I kind of started dealing with that early on. So I had the anxiety almost as a young teenager. Of my parents wanted me to be good at maths and sciences, yes, and while I was okay at those, that's not what I wanted to do. What I wanted to do was philosophy, aren't design psychology Economics was definitely a part of that, And so those are the subjects I loved, and so I started rebelling early on, saying I'm going to do what I want and pushing for what you want. When you're thirteen fourteen years old, it kind of creates this really interesting place because now you're on your own because now it's like, well, you're the only person doing that. Everyone's kind of following the trend. And so I feel like that was it. But the biggest when you talk about depression of anxiety, the hardest part where I experienced that was just before I went to become a monk and when I came back. So I experienced it before I went anxiety because everyone in my community was telling me, you've been brainwashed. You know, you're wasting your time, No one's ever going to marry you, You're never going to make any more money again. Like imagine everyone in your community and your family extended family going at you and just telling you that this is the worst decision of your life. And you've just turned down your job and have decided to make this thing, and so there was a lot of anxiety attached to the decision.

But it takes a real strong, like inner voice to go against what you're Like you think your parents are God's growing up?

Yeah?

Yeah, So where did that come from? For you to think? I know and they don't know.

I feel my inner voice was so loud since I was fourteen and I could not ignore it. Like it's just been so and I feel like it's got louder or stayed steady because I've listened to it.

Well, you don't live the kind of life you live like following rules. Yes, because you have a very unorthodox career. I mean you're kind of like a superstar in like the I don't even want to say spiritual, but it's just like this the self help community. How do you do you ever get like hate from more like traditional monks or spiritual people because you are so on the internet and putting your face out there and making money.

Yeah.

I think this because they're kind of transcending traditional I think.

There's definitely a perspective around like, you know, is this being you know, watered down or is it being put out there in a way. But I think that overall, I find that the people who really know me, or are the people that I've gotten to know deeply, they understand that I love the idea of making things simple, accessible, digestible, relevant like me. That's how I was taught about this wisdom, and that's what made it so it has to be demystified.

Well, like, look at me, I have it, HD. I'm not reading a book, yeah, but I will stop at a clip of you where you're looking, you know, and you have the cool font and maybe some good music in the back, and it's fifteen s.

That's one of us, and that's most of us today.

And that's a smart like marketing brain of yours.

Yeah, and I don't think we should be looking down. It's not like, oh, you're getting the watered down version. Actually, there's this beautiful statement by a writer named Ivan Pavlov where he said that, well, he wrote this story. He's not writer, but he wrote this statement that I love. And he said that if you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough. Me. I'm constantly like grappling with ideas, going how do I explain this simply, like, how can I make this really accessible for myself because then I can live it and for others so they can live it. Like to me, that's a sort of compassion, Like it's empathy. Like to me, compassion and empathy is like, how can I make this so easy for anyone to understand, because then I'll be able to live it and change my life and they'll be able to do the same.

Well, even in your book you reference, is it Sands grat Y.

Yeah, yeah, so I've liked the book.

I mean she scammed, but like I loved like when you talked about karma, and like as someone who loves yoga, like I see these things kind of connecting. What is your current religion?

So I have taken different practices from different traditions that I find fascinating. Overall, I follow a text called the Vaders, which is a universal text which doesn't have a religion or particular spiritual path aligned to it. It's just speaking universally about practices like meditation and wisdom and knowledge. And so for me, I practice three different forms of meditation, breath work, visualization, and mantra, which is the repetition of sacred sound A lot of what I practice is inspired out of India because that was the tradition I lived in as a monk, and so to me. But I honestly, having said that, you know, I've loved pretty much every spiritual text I've picked up. I tell and read stories from so many different traditions. I consider myself a practitioner, you know, like a citizen of the world when it comes to culture and spirituality because I feel like I can genuinely learn from any part and any tradition.

Well, that's why your book is interesting to me about love, because I feel like you've had so many different cultural experiences. So to write a universal book was that hard at all? Because I mean, like how Americans view sex versus like how like the Middle East view sex, or the Brits or you know, the Chinese. Who knows, how did you kind of globalize that?

Yeah, so I'm always trying to put ancient wisdom together with modern science pop culture, right, So, yeah, that's kind of like my world and that's me too. Like I love movies, I love monks, and I love media and marketing like I love all of that, and so I'm just embracing all of those worlds that I live in and putting them all together, and to me, there's such a beautiful synergy in harmony that comes from that. So if something was true five thousand years ago, and if science proves it today, and if you can see it in mainstream media, then there's chances that it universally exists. And so to me, I'm trying to create things that are timely and timeless because to me, something that's timeless is always timely. So I'm not trying to be so in the now that it's a trend and it won't make sense. I would hope that someone could pick up this book in ten twenty years and it would still hold true. Yes, some of the examples of phones and names may change, but the wisdom or the thought behind the book will make sense because a lot of the ideas are five thousand years old, but science is proving them today. And so that's kind of like the cocktail that I like to put together.

Oh I love a cocktail. Are you sober?

I should have said them up?

Are you still right?

Yes? Yeah, I'm not. I don't know how everyone defines that word. So, yeah, I don't drink alcohol, huh, but I only ever was a social drinker or a games drinker. That's how I drank the most. And my friends they me and my friends would play too many. Well, we all started drinking very early. Yeah, I drink here like thirteen and fourteen years old. Yeah, and we played a lot of drinking games. Ring of Fire was my personal favorite, and we just yeah, we just drank our way to quitting early because it just yeah, I just got into it so young. But yes, I don't drink anymore.

Do you have any insights on like hook up culture. A lot of girls are in their twenties, and I feel like a lot of people talk about like energies of like a quick hookup versus like you have to wait five dates before you have sex. What's your theory on the exchange of like physicalness in this world?

Yeah, correctly. I think it depends on what you want and what you're looking for. Like to me, if someone's just exploring and enjoying and expressing themselves, that's awesome. If someone's trying to build something serious and want something to last long term, I think there's a different tactic and a different approach, and ultimately anything can kind of end up anywhere because of how it evolves and grows. But I think the biggest mistake people make is they think there are set guidelines yes, as to how it should be done.

You see it all over the place, and it.

Doesn't make sense because yeah, like you just said, if someone's like, oh, don't have sex still date five, or don't have sex still date twenty, or don't you know, I think all those kind of things actually just make you focus on that even more and they stop you from focusing on everything else you should be looking.

Well, yeah, if you're putting your energy towards that, are you really being your authentic self totally? Or are you like, have a little checkbook and me and you both know if you just look at a checkbook or a list, that's not authentic love. That's not intimacy, not at all.

And I would go on to say this, and again I'm diving too the science here. If I get too dorky, you can let me know, nice, But it's really interesting. So chemistry that we feel with someone of a spark is described as experiencing stress and excitement at the same time. So it's the excitement of I just got her number, but the stresses is she going to text me right, or the excitement is oh my god, Oh my god, he just text me. The stress is, oh my god, what do I text back? Right? So chemistry is actually us feeling excitement and stress at the same time. Now, when you get to know someone, the stress drops because you've become more comfortable with them. Now we think the excitement's gone, but it hasn't it You've become more comfortable with them in a healthy way. So the interesting about sex, getting on back to that topic, is that all the studies show that when oxytocin is released during and after sex, you feel closer, but you're not actually emotionally closer. And the chemical oxytocin also has a temporary memory block, which means if you just had a massive argument about how you don't trust that person, now that that chemical is released like crazy, they're amazing. I love them. So it's really interesting, and that's where I think a lot of these ideas about delaying sex come from. What I hope they do. I mean, if they don't, then that would be the only reason is that you don't make as good a decision about someone when you're in that kind of illusion of we're so close that actually it's a chemical reaction.

Wow.

So I really looked into this stuff because I was fascinated by like, why do we feel close? And that's why so many people have makeup sex or break up sex and then get back together back yes, because it's this idea of like, oh no, no, but we are really close. We don't have any problems. There's a temporary memory block going on.

And I love what you said about like the connection of fear and sometimes getting that combined with like excitement, and then when you lose that fear, you think like am I not excited about this person anymore?

Yeah?

And I learned that, like, love has so many different meanings, and I like i'd argue when you ask someone what does love mean? You'll get tons of different answers based on different people. But I just got married in May. I know you're married, thank you. And there is that feeling of like comfort that you could never feel within like the first month or two. But it's a different kind of high, of like a stability and a safeness and understanding that I don't think we talk about a lot.

Yeah. Well, I think if you're looking for chemistry, you should change who you see every month or every day.

Like you have you heard the birth control drama?

No tell me people are saying.

That birth control sometimes people get off birth control and be attracted to different men really because of the different hormones. Because because your hormones changing, that your attractions could be different.

So what so what changes? I'm fascinated.

I don't I don't read full paragraphs. I get sent, but I'm a skimmer. But it is something of the fact that like love and attraction is like scientific in your brain, and it can be hormonal or like sometimes when you get pregnant and you hate your husband.

Yeah, a lot of my friends have been.

Can you stop brea? In my direction? What I also liked is you delved into how to like fight? Well, yes, and I don't think we talk about that ever.

Yeah, we never do, because I think it's an art form. It's kung fu it is, or it's MMA it's or it's wrestling or it's something. Yes, and not knowing whether you're MMA or whether you're wrestling or whether you're kung fu is where the issue comes from.

I do think in my relationship, once I understood them more and learned not to take things personally, it really helps because sometimes they'll say something and you're like, you don't even understand me, and then you realize, like, oh, that's how you know. His father spoke to him. That's all he knows. And and then you decide do I want to deal with this?

And he's never had the chance to even reflect on that because he may not be aware, or she may not, or they may not be aware. I think so many of us. If you've done a bit of work, you can see it. But the problem is when you've done a bit of self work, you start judging everyone else. And she want to avoid that because it's a really unhealthy way to do.

Should got a therapist, Oh you go to therapy.

At My therapist told me, yes, you my dad can be of your dad. Yeah, like in the playground, that's what it was. It's like my dad would take out your dad.

But the therapist knows what's going on.

Usually, But John John and Julie Gotman, who have been married for god knows how many years, but they have an amazing study called the Gotman Institute, which looks at all of this amazing research, and they found that the number one thing that keeps couples together is not date nights. It's not walks on the beach. It's not dinners, it's not movie nights, it's not holidays. It's learning how to fight. And when I saw that, I was like, wow, Like learning how to fight is a skill, it's an art form and kind of like what you just said about taking things personally. So when me and my wife first started dating and when we got married in where we'd first argue, I want to talk about it now and figure it out right now. That's the kind of fighter I am, right, And.

Men could be very logical like, well, APUs bleaks, so what are we doing?

And I'm very much like that. Yeah, and I call that in the book venting. It's like I want to figure out now, and I want to do it right now. My wife is what I call a hider. She wants to go into a room. She wants to like not talk to me. She wants to think about it, she wants to reflect on it, she wants to figure it out. At the beginning of our relationship, I took that personally. I was like, oh, wait, you don't care as much as I do. So I'm standing right here and you'll work.

I want to fix it. You're giving up.

Exactly, and then only to realize that that's just how she dealt with it, because when she came back sometimes two days later there's a bit of a waiting outside, but like two days later when she came back, it's like, I'm like, oh, she was actually in the place to process it. And so what we found is you need two days, I need one hour. Like now we're going to meet in twelve hours a day, like we're gonna meet in the middle and figure it out. And then the third fight star I explain is exploding where it's like I want to talk about my emotions right now. So you're not trying to fix it, you're not trying to solve it, but you need to be heard. Neither of these is good or bad. It's recognizing that we're all different and we all deal with stress and conflict differently. Yes, And if you saw your partner for just a style, like you were like, that's this.

That is so smart. I actually my husband and I once he like, upset me with something and I said that upset me. I want you to apologize, and he basically was like, you're overreacting. I'm not apologizing. So we sat there, and we just started dying laughing because like we were looking at it based on our styles, where I was like, you're being stubborn and I'm being triggered and you're and we instead of fighting about the actual thing was very stupid me instead were like, Okay, how do we long term fix this? Because I'm like I just want to hear you say sorry, and he's like, well, I don't want to admit to something I don't think I did wrong. And the next thing you know, you're like, oh, we are working on this long term relationship. I think relationships are just do you want to talk to this person for the rest of your life?

Yeah? Yeah?

And can you navigate that conversation, which is like what you said, It's not about the fancy, extravagant vacations, It's about are you on the couch? And can you tolerate basic conversation?

I can you solve problems together? And do you want to grow together? I read this research that kind of goes exactly with what you just said. It was saying that if you want to consider someone a casual friend, you have to spend forty hours with them. If you want to consider someone a good friend, you have to spend one hundred quality hours with them. And if you want to consider someone a great friend or a best friend, you have to spend two hundred hours with them of deep time. And so when I think about being with someone, or if you think about having a future with someone, it's like, do I want to spend two hundred deep quality hours getting to know this person is a great way of knowing whether there's longevity here.

And I think nowadays we don't think like that. We're like, if I post him on Instagram? Are the girl he's gonna love it? Do you look at esthetically? And I learned from an I feel like everyone has that one relationship where you're with the person that society tells you should be with. I always I have. I'm a stand up comedian, and I joke about Disney and how Disney like who we should be attracted to. Like, as a young girl, it's like there's that one prince on a horse with a stupid hairdoo and he's probably a narcissist, and he takes up all the space in the room, and you're like, that's the one everyone wants me to marry. And then you find that guy and he makes me feel horrible and you're unfulfilled and you're shelly yourself. And then you're like, wait, I don't even have anything in common with this man. And just because you know so and so thinks it's cool you're dating a guy on the football team or something, and I think we all have to overcome it's almost like an ego death with relationship. How did you realize your wife was the kind of person that you could spend the rest of your life with?

Deep?

Question, Deep, she's listening.

So yeah, exactly. So I was attracted to from the first moment I saw her. So that was easy that part. That part was already taken care of. If you asked her, she'd be like, eh, she wasn't. She wasn't.

I feel like guys are pretty black and white with that, like they're either like I want to be with.

Her, yeah, And then getting to know her, I think I just found that she just made me laugh, like is hilarious, She's adorable, she's she does funniest stuff.

That makes me so happy that you say that.

Yeah, it's like she ask any of my team and she's like that with everyone. It's not like she's just like that with me, it's like that's just who she is, and she radiates this like pure joy and anyone who's ever around it. It's almost like people become friends with me and they're like, oh, Jay, I really like you, and then they meet my wife and it's like, who's Jay. Like that happens every time.

Like that is even in a relationship where like you're with someone and you're like, don't say that thing. We're like you're you're you can tolerate them alone, But then in a circle you're like, oh, I just think he's tall, but socially he's I actually don't like how he deals with people. So to be proud of how your partner exists in the world is huge.

And I'm just jealous of her because she just feals my friends. But no, I think she's very I think the thing about I love about my wife the most is I think she really knows me deeply m and she accepts me for all that I am, almost cause all my mistake. So I feel like I've showed her as time's gone on, more and more of myself. And I don't feel that I've ever felt judged, criticized, or not been given compassion and grace at any of those points. And I think that that's why I love her, because I know that whether we had anything or didn't have anything, I know that she'd be right there. Yeah, she's been with me since day one as well.

So as a monk, there's not a lot of monks who have become famous, and you are putting yourself out there. You're putting all of your teachings and thoughts into the world to be judged. Do you have any ever, there's so much fame going on nowadays. Do you have any insight of how you deal with the public eye in a peaceful way.

Yeah, that's a great question. And obviously I always say, like, I'm not a monk anymore. So I teach from my practice that I lived as a monk for three years, but now I'm married, I'm a business person and I have a podcast, in books and everything else, and so one of the biggest things for me and how I deal with the public eye is I am very open and at the same time I understand what needs to be get private and confidential. So I don't believe in living a life where everything's on show and everything's for display. I think there are so many experiences that are more beautiful when they are truly between two people or a friend and a family member, whatever it may be. Like, I don't live in a world where everything needs to be out there. At the same time, I love being vulnerable and authentic and open with my community and my audience.

But certain things could be really tainted in the wrong way when you just do it for attention or the public eye grasp on to it.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so I feel like I try to create their healthy balance between what's truly for me and what is it that I want to share. I'm always thinking about what I'm sharing. I'm like, how does this add value to someone's life? A vanity shot of me is not going to add life, yes, But and so I'm always trying to think, like, how does how does this really impact someone? How? How will this make someone's day better? That's what I think about a lot. And I also made peace with it, with the idea that there is truth in people's commentary on some thing, and there's also sting. Yes, And your job as a content creator, as an author, as a whatever you may be, is to figure that out, is to take the feedback is to extract the parts that can help you and leave the rest. So it's almost like leave the sting and take the feedback, And so you're almost extracting the poison from the process. And there's a lot of good out there that can help you. There's a lot of even what you'd put as hate that could be very useful. I found. I mean, I'm going very deep here, but I think we've been kind of oscillating in a good way between deep and silly, which is fine. The idea that I find that fame being imperfect in the fact that it comes with a lot of judgment or criticism is what detaches you from fame, which is what keeps you humble, grounded, and also protects you from your inevitable irrelevance one day. And so I think you can get so attached and fixated to fame, and if fame didn't have those stings, then you'd think fame was the best thing in the world, and you would think that it's the most amazing. In toxic, you.

Would lose touch with reality, which is that you're a human exactly.

And I just had and obviously what to speak of myself, Well, I just had Kevin Hart on the podcast, and he was talking about this exact thing where, like his fame, he felt he was indestructible. At this point, he felt that nothing could get at him. And he was like, fame let him down, Like he was the same people that were and.

That's when the world's like, oh, you're ready to get directly shown reality again.

Yeah, And so he was saying that when he was popping the people that were popping bottles in the club with the same people that turned on him. And so, you know, I think that that, to me is that's why we get these little reminders, and so I take them as a little reminded. Fame is imperfect. Fame is not the goal of life. It's wonderful, it's great, but it's it isn't everything.

That's so powerful. Because I wanted to hear from your perspective as someone who's like lived a life that was so anti that, do you have any advice for social media usage? Also, because you both of us live our lives on social media. We make money from social media. We spread our life, try spread laughter and say and wisdom and wisdom a ton of wisdom. Do you how do you monitor social media and living?

Yeah? I think that it's it's really interesting when you've come from a world like for three years, I didn't know who the Prime Minister of England was. I didn't know who won the World.

Cup, and I sot.

Yeah, and so I've come for you know, that was a long time ago, and I left the monastery ten years ago. Those three years I had no access.

It's like Big Brother, but less drama.

Yeah, that's an interesting way.

I want a monk reality. It's just done like this.

Yeah, it's just like that the whole time. Like we just don't move like your your teachers at midnight, turning at midnight to see something and nothing's changed the same. But but but I find that for me, like social media is something that I have to I have to be very intentional unconscious. Yes, so I always make sure that it's not the first thing I see every morning. So study show we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts per day. Now, if I asked you to control sixty to eighty thousand thoughts, you couldn't. It's impossible. And eighty percent of those are negative and repetitive. And so most of us are saying the same negative thing like you look in the mirror in the morning, you go, I'm ugly, Why I don't look great today? Get to lunchtime, you look at your phone selfie, oh god, I still look the same. Right, You're like repeating a thought again and again and again. It's like comfortable, exactly, and it's relatable and its familiar. And so what I say to people is make sure that you choose intentionally your first thought of the day and your last thought of the day. You can control two thoughts per day, and so my first thought of the day, I don't want it to be based on news, negativity, notifications, or noise, which is what my phone's gonna give me if I pick it up first thing in the morning. Yes, So, even if you can create a seven minute gap between when you wake up and picking up your phone, a five minute gap to brush your teeth and like just get to that point of having a shower, Like, even if you can just do that, get there, because I promise you it's going to give your time, your mind time to warm up. And one of the things I often mention is that waking up and looking at a phone is like letting a hundred people walk into your bedroom in the morning before you've got up. You would never let one hundred.

People walk literal nightmare.

Literal nightmare. You'd be like, wait my makeup. You'd be like, oh wait a minute, let me just put on some clothes. You'd be like, oh wait, let me whatever.

Also like I don't want to know how everyone is doing, Like I can't take in all that energy.

Come on, you just need to get your energy right. But when you pick up your phone, that's what it is. A hundred people just walked into the bedroom of your mind. And now you've set yourself up to be reactive to all their needs, all their requests, and so I find giving yourself that gap. So for me, one thing is giving myself that gap. The second thing is I consider myself to be fairly present if I'm at lunch or dinner and me and my wife had a rule that we set a while ago in the home, which was no technology homes and no technology times. Sorry let me tell you again, no technology zones and no technology times. So for example, the dining table and the bedroom are no technology zones. Oh wow, because I'd rather eat with you and I'd rather sleep with you. I don't want to be like you know, in this in between, yes, and then no technology times like after nine pm, let's not be on our phones, you know, before we finish our meditation in the morning, which is something we do together, We're not gonna look at our phones. And so I find that, even and we're not perfect, we break those rules all the time, Like, yes, do I have my phone out?

You guys are wild?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, like ten thirty pm, I'm on my phone. Oh my god. But you know, I'm not saying we follow those rules perfectly. But even having those yeah, just sets better barriers and boundaries. But I think the biggest thing is, please create a five to seven minute gap between waking up and looking at your phone, because your phone's just gonna bombard you with negativity, noise, notifications, and news. And now you start your day on a minus four and your whole day you're just climbing up the ladder trying to get back to zero. Yes, when you could have set yourself up.

Yeah, it's like immediately getting a punch in the gut that you're kind of doing to yourself because you didn't have to look at the phone. I'm talking to myself as I look at my phone. Wait, Okay, we're gonna get a little darker. We're gonna play a final game. But actually I've added this new question that I think is fun. What is like your version of hell?

Oh? I think to know that everyone you loved had like a terminal illness or like, you know, like everyone everyone you loved is like to disappear in the same way, like if everyone of your family was traveling on a plane and then you never saw them again. Like to me, like, that's the worst thing that could happen, because you you know, even with the you know you, yeah, that would be that would be hell.

Because I just watched The Last of Us? Is that what it's called The Last of Us on HBO? It's the Oh my god, it's so good. I highly recommend, but it's it's very apocalyptic, right, fun guy anyway.

But did you mean more like casually hell? That was that was a strong word.

The first time I've ever asked this. On this part, it's like a new thing. I'm throwing it. It's deep. It's I mean, yeah, you see what people like immediately go to of like what they value and what they don't want to lose. Time to play The Seven Deadly sins. Okay, yes, what are you greedy about?

Oh? What am I greedy about? I'm gonna ask my team in a second.

But and it could be something physical, and it could be something emotional.

Well, greedy, which I've had to work on a lot. Is sugar. I love greedy about good chocolate, Like I'm addicted. Oh yes, before I met my wife. So yeah, chocolates.

She gets you onto like the dark.

No, my wife's kept me away from the darkness because she's like extremely focused on chocolate. Just get me away from dark and old chocolates. But yeah, probably chocolates.

Oh yeah, I looked at her page. I mean she looks very healthy and knowledgeable. Who are you envious of?

Oh that is such a good question. Okay, who am I envious of? No, I'm gonna be honest. I'm envious if Christiano Ronaldo because I think he's amazing. I'm gonna be straight up, if I could have been a football player, I was never gonna He deals with a lot. He does. And that's what you realize, right, Like, even the people you look up to the most are dealing with so much. I mean, yeah, he deals with way too much more, you know. And and I mean.

That's why I came up with the concept of burning and hell, because I started to meet these people I looked up to, and then you start to realize everyone's living through their own Eveyone was thinking, like, why did Lebron like Lebron James? Is he that much happier than all of us? And then I realize, like, everyone has the card they're dealt and their own experience, and he didn't doesn't have some like karmic thing that made him like his hell is as painful as our health. It just might be in a mansion.

Yeah, yeah. And and the thing with Christiana Ronaudo is I don't and I'm obviously I'm half joking, but I think it's I think he inspires me. And sometimes I look at envy as not that I want what they have or what he has. It's almost like that's what I aspire.

For, and he's great in something.

He me by his mindset. He inspires me by his dedication, like his hair. I wanna his hair. I mean maybe I could. I could. I think my head is good, but I think I think for me, it's more like I aspire in so many ways to carry that spirit for what he does for his love, that I can do that for my love. So that's what I mean by any.

Did you manifest this life for yourself?

Oh wow? I would say that when I started, I had no idea that it would ever get to this point and stage.

I love it.

I would say, no, I love because I didn't really ever believe that this many people would care about well being, mindfulness, meditation, health. So I'm so grateful and humbled every day. Did I get to live this life?

I love that because I almost think that if you manifested like I want to be, like have millions and mints of followers on Instagram, you wouldn't have gotten there. You manifested I want to fully understand these teachings and be able to teach people.

Yeah. I think what I manifested was I want to do what I love every day, and what I love is learning, teaching, sharing, experimenting, and living. And I'm going to find a way to make that relevant, accessible and helpful to people and practical to people.

And that you love the journey of it absolutely And if you don't love the journey, you're not going to get anyway.

Absolutely powerful. He's a great question.

Oh oh my God, thank you. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger?

Oh that's a really tough one. Oh gosh, I so I've never been. I grew up in a house where there was a lot of anger, and so I very early on was like, yeah, I'm not going to be angry. And even when I met my wife, we were like, we're never going to raise our voices. Even if we argue, even if we fight, it's never abusive, it's never So anger is like a rare, rare, rare emotion for me, like irritable, Yes, from.

A man, that's powerful because I feel like a lot of.

Men well, because my dad scared me when he was angry, right, Like, it's like, if you've seen anger at like it's peak and extreme, you don't want to go near that. So I can't. I really can't. And that's not me being instance. I just genuinely cannot remember the last time I was angry. Oh I can, but it wasn't wrath. It wasn't Rath's being half silly again. Yeah, when my wife for my birthday brought me a tablet that was an ass, not an iPad. Right, Ass's no offense to aces, but when I said I wanted an iPad, it had to be an iPad, but it was not.

It was an ass you just threw it across the room.

No, no, no, it wasn't. I was still polite. I was like, I was like, you got me an asis. I was like, I was like, really like an asis?

Can you?

And she was like no, but my.

Like, are we also Android users?

Now? She was like, my family told me it's like really good technologically, and it's.

Like better, Like, well, your family hates me.

I was like, well, your family doesn't know I wanted an iPad. I honestly can't remember the last one.

I was angry, but that's it's also the fact that you meditate every day is probably very helpful. Yes, yeah, because I joke that a lot of men whenever they experience anything besides anger, they like don't know what to do. So it's nice to have men feeling other emotions than just immediately making it like the most masculine.

Yeah. And I think doing certain things that can express emotions that are healthy. I mean, I played a lot of rugby going on, and I feel like as a young man, if you did have any anger or frustration, like you had an outlet whereas welcome to be physical and so like even today, if it's like I know a lot of my friends, like we'll lift or do tough workouts, or we'll go on a hike or like something that's challenging is often where you can channel that anger. Yeah, And I find like, if you don't channel your anger towards something that's challenging, you take it out and someone you care about. And I think that's what hurts me the most is that the people that matter to us most get the worst of us, and the people that we say that are first in our lives get the worst of us. And I would never want that to be the case. And I don't want to live in a world where I just treat my wife with anger and then i'm I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. And I think once you've said something you don't mean, no, it never goes from someone's memory. It's always there. Yeah, And so I just I kind of take that very seriously that I don't want to say something that I don't truly believe.

Yeah, I was a tennis player, and I definitely think like hitting a ball, well, like I would just go out.

On the ball the ball doesn't have feelings. Just go for it.

Do you have a physical regimen too, Like do you do yoga or you run or what do you do.

For I've olcoated between a bunch of things. Right now. It's hiking every day, Wow, every single day for about an hour. It's really beautiful. I love it. Also gives me the sunlight in the morning, gets my circadian rhythm moving. Yes, there's enough of an incline where it's challenging. It's it's great cardiovascular health. I played tennis during the pandemic.

Oh cool.

That was really fun. But I realized when you take up a sport when you're older, you're good while you're practicing. I didn't play for a year. I am terrible. So I was like, I was like, I could play some tournaments now. And then I didn't play for a year, and now I'm.

Like, tennis is so like skill and timing and so.

But I loved it. So I played tennis. I've broke it. I've been sometimes I'll be at the gym, sometimes I'll be hiking, sometimes I'll be playing tennis. I'll mix it up.

It's good. I mean, I live a similar life to you and where like sometimes you're touring, sometimes you're on the road. So sometimes I have trouble with that like consistency that I used to have as a kid when I was like just training. But it is important to move your body.

It is so important speaking.

Of when was the last time you were a sloth? So like had like a real lazy day.

Oh, probably like last weekend or maybe yeah, yeah, maybe a couple of weekends ago. I try and have a sloth. I try to have a sloth evening once a week where I could like order all the food that my wife would never condone. Hell yeah, go all out when she's not around.

What's you like guilty pleasure? Like your least monk like thing about you that people would be surprised to now.

Least monk like probably like addiction to like fried food, sugar, chocolate, fudge cake with extra chocolate topics, Like it has to be food related because yes, I have such a like, yeah, such a big sweet tooth. It's like burgers, fries, pizza, pasta with a ton of yeah, like I had it. I used to go to a place here in New York called Terry's, Huh, And I invented a shake day. It wasn't named after her anything cool like that. I just used to go there and I'll have the usual and they'd be like, what, what do you want to explain it? But I'd get them to grind up a brownie into their milk shape. I was like, I was like, can you grind it just perfect so I can still taste the brownie pieces? Like it needs to come up the straws And it's like, so that's yeah.

Yeah, you're getting like too many emotions with it. Yeah, I get too connected talk about love.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay, this is the hard one. When was the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something?

Oh my god, I mean every time I talked to my wife Like, so it's hard, it's hard.

It's so good. By the way, you're killing a.

Person who loved the most is the person who gets that side of you, like yeah, and they.

Know you so easily to like know exactly your triggers are, like things that piss you off.

Yeah. I I officiated Gen and Ben's wedding last year, and I've been asked about a lot. Oh yeah, that's on my mind. So I officiate this wedding last and I was practicing to my wife the day before and she saw me practice. I had my notes, I you know, rehearsed it for her, and she goes, that's terrible. She was just like that's really bad. Like she was like, you got to change that. And I was like, and my whole ego, I was like, do you know who I am? I was? I was like, I was like, I've been asked, like, don't you realize? And it was just really interesting because I was like and then I was like, all right, I didn't obviously, I said to her. I was like, no, no, no, it's really good. I mean I thought about this. She was like, no, no, you need to change the whole thing. And it was just really interesting because all my ego wanted to do is defend myself. But then I'm like, but she just wants me to be good tomorrow. That's all she wants. She's being honest with me when no one else would be honest.

With me true everyone else would literally be like, that's the greatest thing I've ever heard, Jay, You're amazing. Nobly, she just wants me to be good tomorrow, and she knows what you're capable.

Of exactly, and so I rewrote it and it went really well and she was really happy with it. And I think that, for me is a perfect example of how every part of me was just defending myself and and I think we do that with our partners with everything. We defend ourselves because we want them to love us.

Yeah, we care so much about what they think.

We care so much about what they think, but we don't realize what they think is love. Like that is care them saying hey, I think you could be better at this. I think I know you can do better. I know how great you can be. That is the deepest form of love and care. Not someone pretending that you don't have something in your teeth.

You're like, you're so right. I'm the person that tells you there's something in your teeth.

Someone came up to me the other day and told me I was just about a film. Actually, I was doing an interview last week on my podcast, and my videographer is me, bro, You've got like cheer seeds all up in your teeth.

And I was like, all right, all right, I'm gonna get the.

There you go. I'm I'm silent, I'll take it.

Okay, final question, what advice would you give to the listeners on how to cope with your hell when you're going through it. You're in your darkness, whether it's in a relationship, your job, what are some go to things that you like to turn.

To the first thing that I've always said to myself is this only makes the story better. One day, you're going to tell your story. One day you're going to share it. It may just be with a family, friend, it may just be it maybe be a child, it may be with a brother or sister, a parent, And when you tell that story, your hell is what's going to make the story really connect and impact and help people. And so don't lose that part of how amazing this will make your story. People will be able to relate to your hell far more than your heaven because your hell is something everyone can connect with. Everyone's been there. The second thing I'd say is what is this telling me I need to develop as a skill? Not what do I need to learn? What's the skill that I need to develop in order to break through this? Right? Maybe you're holding a blunt sword and you can't cut what's down in front of you, so it's like, Okay, let me learn to sharpen the sword. That's the skill I need right now. And I think often when we're struggling, we're like, why is this happening to me? I wish this wasn't happening, rather than going wait, wait, wait, what skill do I need to learn? Maybe the skill is mindfulness, Maybe the skill is resilience. Maybe the skill is learning how to fight. And if you focus on a skill, now you've got an amazing ammunition for the rest of your life. You pull it out of your toolkit whenever you need it. Yes, So I'd say that's the second thing. And the third thing that I say to myself when I'm going through a tough time or walking through hell is actually it's the opposite, reminding myself when I'm in heaven that hell is just around the corner, and reminding myself in hell that heaven is just around the corner. And both have to work together. That when things I always say to people, when things are bad, work hard, but when things are good, work harder. Yes, because we get so complacent when things are good, and when you get complacent when things are good, the hell feels much worse. And so just live in this equanimity of I'm just doing my purpose whether it's hell or heaven.

Yes, instead of being so extreme with the light and dark. It's like you're existing.

Yeah, I'm existing. I know what I'm doing. Whether it's hell or heaven. I'm going to wake up and do the same thing anyway, whether it's Hello Heaven. I'm going to wake up and meditate, whether it's hell or heaven. I'm going to wake up and work out. Whether it's hell or heaven, I'm going to try and serve impact people because that's what I was born to do. Anyway.

Oh wow, J Shetty just served it up in Hell.

This is so fun.

That was amazing. I was like, I want to push him, my own challenge him, and you knocked everything out of the park. Tell everyone where they can get your book, where they can follow you, where they can see you live. Give me all the.

Tea, absolutely so. If you want to read the book or listen to the audiobook version, which I read out myself, oh gorgeous. Eight rules of Love dot com the number eight Rules of Love dot Com. And if you'd like to see me on tour, I'm going on my first world tour ever. Very excited to sit near you. Head over to jshetdytour dot com and you can get tickets for the international tour.

That is so exciting. Thank you for coming to Hell. We'll talk to you guys later.

Bye, Thank you so much. Imagine the Lord of the Rings if Frodo never had to leave the shire? How about the is It of Oz with no tornado? Or picture Black Panther. If t'charlene never had to battle a challenger for the throne, they'd be totally boring, right. That's because every epic journey includes obstacles to overcome, mountains to climb, and magical rings to destroy. Okay, maybe not that, but you get the idea. The next seven minutes are about your story and how struggle makes you stronger. I'm Jay Sheddy. Welcome to the Daily Jay. Now, before we embark on this great adventure, let's get centered by taking three deep brats inhaling and exhaling, arriving and settling, connecting with this moment, and tuning in. So I'm going to let you in on the world's worst kept secret. I love the Dark Knight trilogy. I think Christopher Nolan's reboot of the Batman saga is absolutely epic. The characters are incredible, the story rich and engaging. One of the things I love most about Batman, aside from the fact that he gets the coolest gear ever, is that, unlike many other superheroes, he wasn't born with special powers. He didn't acquire them as a result of some freak laboratory accident or insect bite. Bruce Wayne is a regular human, just like you and me. He needed to battle those villains along with his own doubts and fears, in order to become Batman. The point is, there's a reason that we're captivated by the Batman movies and countless other epic te It's because they take us on a roller coaster ride. First, the main character is up, then they're down. They win sometimes, but they also lose. Their final victory doesn't come without significant struggle, and it's that wild ride that makes the triumph all the more inspiring. But here's the thing. While we love to read or watch a great story, we're sometimes afraid to live one. We've somehow been trained to believe that only good times are worth living, that happiness and joy are what life is all about. We've made an enemy of so called bad times. We don't see their value, and so we try to run away from them or erase them from our memories. But tough moments are there to give something to us. If Bruce Wayne had just gone about his regular life, if he'd never risen to the challenges set before him, he would have never become the person he is by the end of the story. He would have never become capable of saving Gotham City. He would have never become a hero. There's a Zen proverb that says, obstacles don't block the path, they are the path. I've gone through some really hard times. I'm sure you have too. And when I find myself resisting what's happening, or I start to question why I have a trick that helps me adjust my mindset, I pause, take a breath, and tell myself, this only makes the story better. So instead of resisting challenges, think of them as brilliant plot points that make your life richer and you stronger, maybe even a hero. On that note, let's do a visualized exercise together to provide you with motivation for your journey. Begin by getting a little more comfortable wherever you are landing in the here and now and letting distractions fade into the background. Taking a couple energizing breaths and grounding in the present, feeling your feet on the floor or your seat in the chair, solid and connected. Now, bring to mind a superhero that inspires you. Picture them in your mind's eyes, think about their traits, the heroic qualities that have helped them become who they are, and really connect with that source of inspiration. Now look inside of you and see if you can find any seeds of the heroic. It could be something as simple as feeling the stable power of your feet on the floor, or maybe a memory of a time you felt courageous, whatever it is, start to cultivate this quality within yourself. If you're feeling some self doubt or un certainty, that's natural. Bruce Wayne didn't become Batman overnight. I just hope you don't give up on the greatness within. And let's open this up. How do you generally view tough times or roadblocks that get in your way? Can you reframe your outlook on challenges? Finally, can you think of your personal story as a hero's journey? I hope you feel inspired by today's message, and if so, make sure to pass it along to an everyday hero that you know, in the words of Superman, you are much stronger than you think you are. Trust me, I'll see you tomorrow.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating  
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