My Momma Told MeH A.I. R Models: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode
Langston and David answer a listener's email about S-Curl and Bigen models and if they exist or not.
FOLLOW + SUBSCRIBE ON ALL PLATFORMS FOR ALL HILARIOUS AND PROBLEMATIC TALKS:
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/mymommatoldmepod/
YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm1wMf8iYG-imuTwqje2PNg
TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@mymommatoldmepod?lang=en
MY MOMMA TOLD ME MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE! Visit mymommatoldme.merchcentral.com
Bye, bitch!
Motherfucking mini Episol Mini episode, motherfucking Mini ever Sel.
He got ninety nine problems, and the biggest one is me. Welcome little Mama's and gentiles alike to another episode of My Mama Told Me.
The podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
And we finally work to prove the conspiracies of you, the listeners, You dickheads.
You motherfucking penis scalped individuals. How dare you get think for a second that while we read your emails, we aren't thinking about those goofy ass phallic templed come on shapes on your your goddamn skull.
Come on, come on.
I'm fitting for it like stink German. And we're we're grateful you're here with us. We are excited. We got an email from a person named Carver. Carver sent us an email. Yeah, that right from the beginning, I think hooked us both.
Yeah, definitely. I think this guy has sent like ten emails though right, I.
Don't know, I honestly, Oh yeah, because of the boringan thing.
Yeah, I think this is I think Carver might be our number two biggest email guy, next.
To Carlos Okay, that like Carlos is our most active, but maybe Carver is the first, first in line that likes us.
I think so. I think so. I think so Carver is the one who's not gonna shoot us.
Yeah, or or alternatively, that lady did kill Selena because she loved her too much, you know what I mean, Like it could be.
I mean, if that's how I go out, that's fine.
You you would rather die by the hand of a person who's too deeply in love with you then Carlos yet, Okay, uh huh. I don't know if I agree. Really, yeah, I think that.
I think that.
If if someone murdering me because they love me too much is the last thing that I see, I don't know that my spirit will be in heaven. Really, I think truly that is gonna make me feel a level of disillusionment that is gonna send me straight to hell where I'm like, all of this is nothing. Fuck existence, if that's what that means, and then the devil gonna be like, we got another one, bitch.
I think you would only reaffirm that everything is meaningless. But you know, I had a good time boom Iferens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was you can't say it wasn't here. I can't say I wasn't at the party. I can't say I wasn't at the party. That's really all I'm looking for. It doesn't need to be a big splash, but you need I was in there.
Yeah, what happened to David? Oh, a story happened to David?
Yeah?
Yeah, it's not just like a quick eye.
You know, he died.
No, sit down, big dog, because I've got a tale to tell.
Yeah, and then because then you got it, and then you start talking about all the funny shit I did.
That's good enough for me. Yeah, Okay, that being said, Carver, don't kill me. Yeah, Carver, please don't kill Please, don't kill David. And I'd go so far as to say, especially not me.
Yeah. Well, I think there's an equal amount of don't kill us.
I think I think, when you're really thinking about it, you've got one bullet in the gun. I think you really got to point it David's way.
But I think maybe the founder of this platform, the man that started it all. I'm just I'm just an employee. I pay my checks.
I think, as we're so often reminded, people will love the episodes more because because David is here, the show really didn't find its legs until David showed up. And in that way, I think the best way to take it down is to take his legs out.
I mean. But also don't forget who found me, you know what I mean?
It was Legston and hey, he's easy to find covers. So if you're looking to shoot, I can give you a direction.
My block is after.
The Carver sent us an email.
Yeah, yeah, I can do it.
Langston and David, you're right, you're absolutely right, guys.
Perfect start.
I love that. Yeah, I love the affirmations, and I love when it's true.
We are right.
Yeah, you're right, You're absolutely right, he says. The guys on the s curl in Beijing boxes do not exist. Before we go any further, let me be clear that I did not remember us saying I have zero memory of this, and I do not say that saying that we didn't say it. I say that saying I don't remember nothing.
We be saying. That's the problem a lot with this podcast and podcast in general. I literally forget about it as soon as I take the headphones off.
It Truly, the fact that anybody would ever be held accountable for the things that they say on podcasts feels insane. You know, we're just talking, right, We just are making noise for a certain period of time.
Yeah, it's really just a scam to get you to buy tickets.
I don't know that I've said that. That said, it didn't feel crazy to me that Escrol in Beijing box people are just fucking seen g I.
No, I'll go with it now for the sake of the movie. My lips.
Carver, you yes, yes, and and moreover, I'll forget about this too. But uh, he said. He goes on to say, or at the least they're in some witness protection program because programs spelled with the E at the end.
Don't care for that, Carver, double m's too.
Yeah, that's a lot of ms. Carver, What are we playing in over here?
Yeah?
Come on, chill out.
What are you on the Great British Bakeoff next week? What is this year?
What's your favorite way to spell program? You fucking nerd?
Yeah?
This motherfucker. Hey, hey, Carver, do you eat bread bread with beans on it?
You? Weardo?
You eat spotted dick for breakfast? You goofball?
Fucking goofball Carver, But Carver says program because they know the doors of these gentlemen will be beaten down should their identities come to light. I tried, I tried, like two hours tonight to find some of the former models for men's haircare companies, and they really don't show up in anything on the internet. Even in the age of social media flexes. Nobody is going yep, that's me on the box and every drug store in America.
Can I say, first of all, how many hours of research did you do on this topic.
Big dog? Substantially less? I'll take the under Oh yeah, I didn't dig that far off. But fuck yeah, Carner, I love that. That's where you went with it. Yeah, two hours of research, he says, and didn't find anybody. And that is fucking crazy.
That's wild. That's I do remember us saying that where it's like, where are these guys?
Yeah, they're so beautiful, and they just seem like they wouldn't age at all, like Hollywood should be investing in them unless they are not, in fact even existing out in the world in the first place.
Agreed, agreed, agreed, agreed, agreed.
So he goes on to say, which leads me to believe that the men on the boxes do not exist. These are possibly facial compositions. They're vultrons to take. You take the best of several models worth of faces, combine them together with photoshop in boom, you have the ultimate model to portray hairstyles. I think this is a very reasonable, irrational, not conspiratorial belief. Or it's one of those NDA situations where they aren't professional models in the gig didn't require them to take clothes off, so they probably didn't care about the fame of it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to clear my browsing history so my targeted ads don't assume I have grain here. The searching went to Touch of Gray for a stretch there.
Carver.
Oh, also, there's a jellyfish alien video going around, but it's probably bird shit on a lens, so no big Okay, h A lot to unpack there right at the end, Carver.
Yeah, I can't get into the jellyfish thing. As for NDAs that I've signed with big money Players Network, but they don't let us fuck around with big jellyfish. No, you know that you knew that, Carver when you wrote it down.
You knew.
We've never brought up jellyfish once on this show, and you know why the fuck that is? Show the fuck out. You're trying to mess with our money. Open your third eye, brother. But so here's my only thing to butt up against that is that this was pre photoshop. Yes, yes, I will say it's pre photoshop, but but maybe not, you know what I mean, Like it's pre like photoshop for everybody, it might not have been pre photoshop technology, right.
Right, right right, I mean, I listen it. It does continue to me to be amazing that none of these guys have ever stepped forward, you know.
And you know what also bothers me about this is how often the dudes on the box sort of look like a more famous person that you do recognize, where it's like, damn, that looks a lot like boking wouldbind, right, but it ain't boking woodbind. And I don't know why that's bothering me so much. And I think it's because you go, oh, you take this face that everybody likes and recognizes, and you just suggest it to be a little more symmetrical, perfect whatever, and unrecognizable and therefore an easy sell.
It does feel like an Uncanny Valley type of thing. Yeah, where you're like, damn, that's but it's not Geraldvert.
Yeah, that's not Jerald LeVert. That's a skinn are neck than Jerald LeVert.
Yeah, but they brought it up.
Yeah, but boy is that a lovert?
That Yeah? Yeah yeah yeah. I I mean and and and and and if anyone this is this is this is for real though. I would love if anyone does have a connection to anyone any of these men on these boxes, please reach out. We will And I mean I I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I think you're We will if we can get one of these guys, we will dedicate a full episode to the truth behind bro Where these men are and if they were did receive the amount of money that they should have. We're not gonna give them none, like but like, but like, I would like to know how they were coming.
Yeah, no, I we I would go so far as to say that would be our next episode. I will cancel with a more famous person with without even second guessing it. I will cancel on our most famous upcoming celebrity. Hey, yes, Ken you embarrass who oh yes, of course is welcome on the podcast boy, boy, do I got some questions for him. We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.
Just sleek, it's sexy.
Come on, you want to tell them what we have?
Yeah? We have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat alien dad hat traditional logo and black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pen with the alien who has a koofie on it since my mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to ma Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com where you can see all of our merch. You can buy ship and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it. I will cancel with whoever the fuck is coming up to talk to the Beijing model that you know and can bring into our world.
Yeah, because that would be I have. So where did they find you? I also would love to know what city was he sourced from. I think we must all assume that it was Atlanta, but you never know.
You never know.
They could be anywhere. It could be I don't think it could be anywhere. I think it could be Atlanta. I think it could be Detroit. I think it could be Gary.
Okay, it could be. Oh. Gary's interesting because they keep saying that that's a a city that like has died and is dying, right, but there has to be some industry still keeping it alive. And maybe because the auto industry died there, I believe. And then suddenly this is a city, you know, and it's it's total downfall, but it still exists. It's still sort of is finding ways to thrive despite its circumstances. Maybe Gary is a source for a bunch of odd models that then get sort of get implanted into the world and have so little self esteem and resources that they can actually make themselves famous because of it.
Now, do you think it's self esteem? I think that because here's the thing. Also, man, I think you know, uh, because who makes s curl Luster? Uh?
Steven Luster?
Uh?
Sean Luster is I believe his name and hence the s it is his signature.
Girl, I feel like they have it's gotta be a powerful It's a lot of money in that ship. You know what I mean, So it's likely I think that they I do feel like they would have enough money to keep these men silenced. You know what I'm saying, Like like like that doesn't seem that doesn't seem crazy, because it's not just as curl. They make the women's the women's relaxer as well, which are either it was just arguably way more money. They also make the pink you know, the pink shiity. Do you use the pink stuff? I do not know? What do you do?
You?
What's your moisture situation?
My wife you're talking about for hair specifically, Yeah, just making sure.
Yeah, I'm a farmer's man myself.
My wife buys some like weird organic ship that I use for my body and then my hair.
Can't I like can't, Okay, I use, I could go grab it. I use I get the matching one, you know what I mean with the shade butter moisturizer and then and then the shampool.
Yeah, I know it's come out, but I gotta get off like that, got that weird plastic together.
Around yeah no no, no, no, no no no, it's the one that looks African in the writing. It's like you know what it looks like. You remember you remember the you remember the font for that movie Jason's lyric.
Yeah, of course, Yeah, that's the bow gam I was talking about.
Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.
That's back when he was like weirdly gorgeous but also the ugliest man at the same time.
That's what I like about him. He's like a sexy Dave Chappelle.
Yeah, he's fucking he both has it and should never touch it at the exact same.
Time, exactly exactly, because it's like, was he a heart throat?
I don't think so, But I think that's because they wouldn't let him really shine the way that he should have, you know what I mean, Like I think that, but I also think for a long time he was kind of like a nigga movie dude, Like they wouldn't really put him in the white movies because they were treating him sort of like like this black actor. But Bokeem's got rained. He can do kind of everything. And it's not until I would say, more recently that white people have like yeah, yeah, old dads is really would put him on. But like Fargo era, Bokeem is like the earliest I can remember of him doing like white people's shows.
Right right, right right. He was always like in movies like called Strapped.
Yeah exactly, and it's like, ah, he's better than that, but y'all ain't gonna let him be what he should be.
Yeah, he was all crazy and uh, what's that movie where he was he had the head and it smelled all bad. I don't remember in the in the military and they were like, uh dead presidents.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah yeah America.
Yeah, fantastic truly. So is that how we feel about it? I guess we got Yeah.
I think I do feel pretty passionately that that if these people do not step forward, and to your point, the men and the women both like there, there's just very little explanation as to why we haven't heard something like that. A person could could have an insane day on the internet just by being like yo, that's me one hundred thousand retweets whatever the fuck on the the fucking hair boxes.
Yeah. You know who I want to find is the kids, remember the little girls on the like just because yeah, because because they didn't they say the kids, it's like not, it's still equally poison or whatever.
The kids one, Yeah, No, it's it's just pure fucking copper sinking into your goddamn child's brain. It's it's pois, it's absolute poison. So now, did your daughter she has good hair? Naturally, I'm not gonna you're not gonna get me to quote it that way. Uh, my daughter has softer hair, yes, I know. You know how things get clipped up, and you're not gonna get me nowhere being like my daughter got good No, sir.
All right, I wasn't. I was not try.
I was not. No.
I don't think that was your intention. But but you gotta protect yourself, you know what you know, what.
It is is I'm not a parent, and I didn't realize some of the dangers of having a child and being in the media.
Yeah, I just think, h you know, you start qualifying things with good and bad and people are like, that's you're a bad guy, and it's like that ain't my business. I'm not going to decide that for nobody. My daughter got hair and it's soft.
There you go, there you go. But anyways, uh yeah, so if you do know any of these men and women or children, reach out let us know. But I mean, that's it.
Yeah, you you you owe it to us and to society as a whole to come back with some answers. You the mass listeners. And if you can't come back with answers, these niggas ain't real. And then we gotta we got new kinds of research to do, because now we got to figure out what not real means and what we can do about it.
If anything, facts facts, facts, facts.
Do you want to tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?
Uh?
Cool? Got jokes? City seven on Instagram? I think my road dates for the for at least, I don't. I don't have much in February. I'm coming back in March, so I'll let you know in March. But yeah, for now, just look at it. Look at that my Instagram, Tell yeah, this is this is exciting.
February nineteenth, I'm going to be shooting a special. I'm gonna be shooting a little thing in Chicago at the Green Mill. It's a gorgeous venue that I admired very much as a as a boy because of my poetry background, and now it's a place that I get to shoot a special. And so if you are in the Chicago Land area, or if you are thirsty enough to want to come to Chicago to see said special gets shot. I would love for y'all to be there. And more importantly, I have some dates coming up on the road in preparation for the special, so I would love for you all to come out and sort of like help me get this shit.
Tight and write and all of that.
January twenty seventh, I will be in Stamford, Connecticut at the New York Comedy Club. I don't know why it's called that, but here they are. That's their choice. And then February second, I'll be at Mike Drop in San Diego. And then finally February what is it, fourteenth Valentine's Day, you horny bitches, I'm gonna be at the Grove Comedy Club in Arkansas.
Lord Darkansas. You ever played that? We'll talk about it after.
No, I've never played, Honestly, I don't think I've ever played like traditional South before. So oh, this is exciting. It's back Mississippi recently with someone else, but I've never done it by myself, so I'm excited to get some Southern hospitality or maybe some old Nuisan, you know what I mean. Whatever, y'all got I'm interested in it. And as always, if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, your own drops, if you want to explain what technology was used to form these strange non existent men on the scurl boxes, please send it all to Mamma pot at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you, like subscribe, buy some merch. You know what the fuck to do with all of this shit. Boys wearing the hat shit looks gorgeous. Go ahead and get you one. It's all available at Mamma told me dot merchcentral dot com. That's the location. That's the whole shebang. Bye bitch, motherfucking Mini Yourself.
Mini episod, motherfucking Mini Yourself, motherfucking Minieaself Mini Eepisode, motherfucking Mini ever Self
