My Momma Told MeElectric Slide n' Socket (with KevOnStage)
If you play with silver toys during a lightning storm, will you be struck down? Langston and David chat with Kevin "KevOnStage" Fredericks (Here's The Thing Podcast) about this electrifying conspiracy theory. The guys trace things back to their "playing with action figures" days and wonder what toys were made of and how our curiosity got the best of us when learning about electricity. Whether you stick a fork in a socket or put a metal tuna can in the microwave, we were determined to get superpowers! Talks of ESP and Lou Rawls occur, but that's nothing really new to this podcast.
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Bye, bitch!
Trench coat. Roth was crazy. He just looked like a sex offender.
Oh yeah, as we grew up and we learned made As a child, we didn't have enough frame of reference. But as we grew we're like, you know, I wish they stopped doing that. But yeah, And also, do you think if you saw a human oid turtle in a trench coat? You'd be like, man, that guy was weird. Oh well, and you're just going about your day like it's not gonna happen.
Maybe put some fucking shoes on, you know what I'm saying. That'd be great. There's like a lot of other.
Moves you could sorry, you could do pants. Pants would be nice.
Pants were great.
You have webbed feet. You got to like, come on.
Because even if he didn't have pants on, then it's like, Okay, this dude's in a trench coat and nepads. That's already a problem.
You got a big problem on it.
That's already I'm thinking the green legs that's here, bring I see all that. Come on?
The Fedora doesn't class it up enough. No, no, not to notice green legs and knee.
Pads and he's stinking like pizza. Giant red flag Yah.
Chips in your knees.
A Kuala Bears are racist, the Moneys turkey stuff. YA can't tell me. As long as you know, I can have any man I want to. Baby, that's actual and factual.
Welcome back to another episode of My Mama Told.
Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
And we finally worked to prove that Shatasha Williams is not just the long gone forgotten singer of the hook of thuggish Ruggish Bone.
He is in fact a founding member of the group.
They were the Bone Thugs and she was the Harmony. Whoa that we didn't we I got you, Shatasha, Baby, get your head up.
My name is David Border. I'm lazy Germy. Now I guess this already. He's already feeling it.
I got people don't talk enough about Aunt Tasha. She said, Antasha, come on, and we said that about her, and then we they said, in the name Bone Thugs and Harmony. We know they weren't singing, come on, justice for Tasha. Thank you? BORI Can I call you Bory? Yeah, we just thought that's what I prefer it. BORI, Man, you and you're protecting black women by not forgetting what their accomplishments for what they did. Man, that's what I'm talking about.
Come on, sang all of their names at the end of that song.
Listen in the house, the knee bone is connected to the girl bone, and we forgot we forgot that part of the song. Oh man, that's intense. That's damn. Do you think you think they're ever sitting back and being like, damn, we really we owe her something, We really fucked her over.
I feel like they must know because I have done a deep bone dive, as we all have adults here.
Sure, if this was Cameron's podcast, we would have had to pause you pretty hard there. But but this ain't that podcast.
Pauses there we go, poll gas, no breaks, some good.
That's what I'm talking about.
I just like I just talk and sometimes it's it's sometimes I talk about mouth meat stuff and it means whatever you need it to mean.
You gotta put that on your website.
Sometimes I talk.
About mouth meat stuff that feels like a little bit of a signature detail about you. I wouldn't say it's I don't need to celebrate, It's just you know how we are excited. You've already heard his voice, our guest today. We've we've been trying to get him on for a long time and it's finally happening. And he's so funny and we're so grateful that he's here. He's a comedian, a producer, a content creator, a person of extraordinary breath and talent. He's wonderful, he's funny. You're gonna love him. Please give it up for our guests. Mister keV on stage, everybody, Man, there we go, n I got a few in there, I got a few in the.
Thanks you guys for having me on the show man. I'm excited to be here, man, This is this is the way to kick off the year. You know, Hollywood. We really just started working today for real, Yo, This is like that feels like the first day back at school. And I'm glad to be doing this with y'all.
Yeah, no, we're happy you're here. I was at my manager's office this morning and they said something similar to that, and I got real mad. I was like, y'all, niggas, what I didn't work for nine months? Bitch, what you mean you just getting started today?
Take the first off. There's work to be done.
Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? Get your bad ass back in the office and make some calls that aren't going to turn into anything, but call them anyway.
I'm trying to read for the in the House reboot.
And.
Just lie to me.
At least tell me I made some calls. They pad tell me something.
That's all.
That's all I'm asking for is give me. Make me believe you. Try do that thing where a car is coming and we trot across the street and we're not going any faster than when we be walking, But but trot. Show me the trot.
Good job, man, that's a big that's a big way that I show people how I care about them. Yeah, the little trot I just picked the shoulders up. The feet does not change. The feet doesn't change at all. Give your mind.
That's all we're looking ass for.
That's how you're getting asked for it. keV. You came to us with the conspiracy theory that uh that I don't think I had ever heard before. Bory, where do you I've heard this before? You have heard this? That's okay, great, So so I'm the only idiot here. But you said my mama told me.
Never played with silver toys when there's lightning outside or you will be struck down exactly. So you know, growing up as we probably did, we're in the same generation. You know, action figures were a big part of our life. I'm saying. We didn't have we didn't have iPads and stuff like that. We had cartoon we played outside, we had acting figures. So at the time that I that I learned of this conspiracy theory, I had a Shredder, which was my prize villain. I was a big Turtles fan, you know, I had. I had a couple of legit turtles and I I ain't always get the actual toys. I got versions of them, you know, like you know, like I remember one year asked my dad for the Batman coop with with you know what I'm saying, And it came with Batman and he just got me the coop. It was in the box and the Batman was gone, and I was like, what happened to the Batman? He was like a kid in Africa. We wouldn't have nothing. I was like, but he didn't just buy like a coop Batman came in that box. Somebody had opened it and taken the Batman out and then somehow my dad just got came in the possession of the coop. But I was I have nobody to put in the in the coop, so I just had a random g I Joe man in the coop. It just didn't hit the same.
He was just hanging out in the back of it. Came out and being like, y'all ain't about to throw this away, right, That's good because I know a boy who might like this quite a.
Bit, this Salvation Army Christmas gifts, you know whatever it was. So he gave me like half of what I wanted. But at this time I had, you know, I had mostly off brand men. We called him men. I had mostly off brand men, just.
Just legally you had to call them men.
They're not a figure. And saw that toys or Rush are KB toys. They saw that place that don't even sell toys. You know what I'm saying, Oh yeah, swap G I jojo g I exactly. They adjacent, right, So but this time I had actually, if I think for like a birthday, I had like four of the actual turtles and an actual shredder. So these were like the krim Dela crim of my toys. I play with them every day. So I'm playing with them. You know what I'm saying. It's a lightning storm and the power is out. So I'm really like, oh, this is you know what I'm saying. I'm playing with these actual figures. Right. So my mom comes in and I got Shredder in my right hand. Never I don't know why this is such a vivid memory, Maybe because I was so confused by what she was saying. And she was like, she's like, what are you doing? Boy? But put that down. You know you can't play with no silver toy. You're gonna get struck down by lightning. And I looked at the shredder and I'm like, this is plastic. First of all, this is not And I was not, like I've always been kind of a smart person. I'm in my hand. I was young enough to know that this cannot cannot conduct electricity at all? There is and his shredder stuff was coming off right, you know what. I played with the toy for real. It was like brown. You know what I'm saying, It's like the color of the skin under there.
You get you get Shredder in the bathtub one too many times and that ain't Shredder no more.
It was just they were putting a lot of you know, high quality stuff into these men.
That's just a Japanese man in football year that ain't.
Yeah.
Yeah, wow, I did not know that.
Yeah.
And the lore.
I think there's a lot of lore in Ninja Turtles about where Shredder and Splinter come from, some of which suggests that they are connected directly, in some of which they didn't know each other at all. Always Shredder was like a big mob guy in Japan that then finds its way into New York somehow or something.
I thought he was Italian for some reason.
I'm gonna get you Turtles.
That.
Look, do you guys have accents on your resume? Do you have Italian accent proficient? Because if you don't have it, you need to add it. Oh no, no, no in the house. So yeah, So she was like, you know, she wasn't fussy, she was just genuinely concerned, Like put this and I'm like, I'm inside the house, the windows are closed. I was literally I didn't say any of this because she's a black mom, like you're saying, But in my head, I'm like, how is lightning gonna come through the world, avoid all the objects outside that are actual silver catalytic converters, everything that's in the world. Go through my closed window and see this plastic shredder in my hand and strike me with lightning. Like I just was like, there's no way this could be true. But I put it down. I picked up like rock Steady Beatbob. She was like, all I know that.
You know.
Those are purple.
You know was a decent lightning fearing man. Go ahead, enjoy yourself in the dark.
But I just like I remember, I never bought into it, like I don't have foil, I don't have a fork. This is a plastic man with more plastic that is just colored to look like silver, you know, saying I can't die. And I never heard no other parents say that. That was the first. It's actually interesting that Bory had heard that because I wasn't like at the other friend's house and they were like, man, you know what I'm saying. Mom was on that, Like, I never heard that before or from anybody else. But it's good to know that that it's not that unusual.
I've heard it just with metal in general, silver and specific. I had just heard it in metal. Don't be fucking.
Around, oh got it?
Yeah, lightning outside.
I think that's what I had heard as well, is like you can like be running around with forks when you when it's lightning outside.
To be completely honest, I don't have any silver in the house now, I'm thirty six years old, Like I don't.
Have We got to get you some silver.
Oh, you're not so much silver right now? You got so much silver? You got somebody.
You gotta have silver in your house.
You I don't believe you.
No, I don't have an ounce of silver exactly. Trust Yeah, you're going crazy, you're doing good.
Yeah.
I had always heard metal, like avoid obviously metal objects holding metal during lightning sums. I had never heard silver specifically, and I certainly had never then spread that out to even silver appearing objects. Do you think that silver there was a specific reasoning for silver for your mom?
You know, it's funny, that'll make sense. I feel like maybe through the grape vine somebody said metal, and she just was like, silver's metal. I'm just gonna take the metal part out on the silver because I never questioned that part until today. Metal. I would have believed her even and the thing I think it was messed with me is the toy was plastic. So I was just like, this doesn't make any sense. But you know, how do black parents learn anything? Right? Like, I'm the Internet's really interesting because I'm realizing, like there's this meme that goes vie everyone to the while. It's like if you had this cover you was black, and it's like a blanket I recognize, And I'm like, how did so many black? Where was this manufactured? Like so, I feel like that information came through like that, like the way those cookies became tens for like so and like who makes Who's the first person that does that? Why do we black people so many of us have that shared experience that you know, there's no cookies in the cookie team, but there's like SOE in equipment or whatever. But I think it was one of those things, Like I don't know how this information got around, but.
It does speak to the fact that, like to some extent, the black community that we refer to did exist in a much more active way when we were kids and obviously when our parents were kids and all of that shit, in part because they were all learning from the same six like templates of people where it's like everybody just learned the same six things, so we are in fact a community, and now the Internet sort of disrupts the ability for that to even be true anything, you.
Know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. I feel like a lot of my life I've got, I've taken so much word is back from just like a dude sitting on the hood of a car.
Yeah he has a car.
I guess the confidence is key man man.
Yeah. I remember my mom once told me that, uh, that Aretha Franklin's son had run off with what his name, that he was the army dude in fucking different world And I can't remember his fucking name now, but he's a very fantastic actor.
Louis Janes. Yeah, yes, mister Lewis.
God, damn, I'm gonna be dude. Yeah, he was in Fargo season five. Glenn Turman, Yes, yeah, Glenn Turman. My mom told me for years that Glenn Turman had had like a secret affair with Aretha franklin son. They had run off together, and and that was why her and Glenn Turman didn't make it and all this ship and I've never even looked up to verify if there's any truth to that. And I've never heard anyone else make that claim. It was just my mom saying it.
Did you come home? We believed everybody was related. We were one of those like Ali was for sure, Mohammed Ali's daughter. What I quoted that too recently?
Yeah, And they look it up and you're like, oh, no, I don't think so.
I think it's because I was like, well, there's not that many famous black people. They must be related.
Half down the line, I got to connect someone at some point.
There's a lot of Smith's, a lot of Jackson. Is that crazy?
Oh my god?
So so your mom says this to you, You agree to disagree, but you put down the shredder. Have you carried any of this onward in your life? Have you since been like weirdly superstitious or nervous around silver objects in a lightning storm despite what you know logically to be untrue inside of this.
No, absolutely not. I think, as hard as it is to admit, I didn't believe my mom. I just could not defy her. And I think those are two separate things. Oh, in my mind, I was just like, this is just not true. But you know, small black children didn't really have a voice. Growing up the way we we did, we really couldn't question our parents. But I remember being like, this is just not true. And if she weren't here, I would be playing with this, and if I got struck by lightning, I would have been really surprised like that. It was. It's crazy.
Let me tell you, as far as my family, large black men don't have much of a voice. I'm still not pushing the line on things. She says, Really, she's listening, she had a heart, she's from a different country. I just, yeah, I don't know. Maybe that's maybe they are sneaky. I don't.
Oh my god, my mom just trying to FaceTime me. That's you fucked up on it, bro on it.
Baby girl figured out how to get a feed and she's she's listening to her exactly what you said.
Yeah, she's listening. I'll call you back on.
We're calling upon you because we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.
Just sleek, it's sexy.
Come on, you want to tell them what we have?
Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it since my mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to Ma Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com where you can see all of our merch. You can buy ship and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it.
I have a question for you, guys, yes, specifically to this, because this this one is big for me. How afraid of electricity were you as a child?
Though, Oh man, I have a funny story about this that I haven't thought about in a long time. I was a bright kid, but also not the brightest at all. So upon learning about conducting electricity and metal and stuff and how you shouldn't put forks in sockets, I went home immediately one day and was like, Nah, ain't no way. And I promised, y'all, as God is my witness, this happened for real. Oh No, went home for school that day, Take a fork, mediate sock, go to my room, close the first socket, that. I love that.
First of all, I love that you needed privacy for.
He turned the lights down.
Light of candle. Yeah, put that little rolls on that you were talking about earlier. And now is forking socket time?
Com please me.
You'll never find a fork like.
So yeah, close the door, take this fork immediately, go to the socket and no, no, no condom, no for play. Jam it in on the socket right and I promise you. I saw a bubble like I got shocked immediately, and I saw what felt like a bubble the size of like you remember those little like things you buy a toy and you take them. So probably like half of that bubble go up my forearm all the way up here. Immediately I knew I was a superhero.
I said that.
I was like, oh my god, this is my because you know, we watching X Men and Spider Man, they all have that like event. And I spent the rest of the day trying to like, you know, kind of like a Toby Maguire Spider Man like. I was like, how do I get the electricity? I don't realize I nearly probably killed myself.
I am like, You're like, no, I know it's in me.
I just know how to activate.
Figure out how to activate this electric like I should be flying, the electron should be flowing through me. I am a science experiment now my hero or villain, it depends. I don't know. It's too early to tell. The first thing I gotta do is get these powers under control. It's spent like the whole afternoon doing that. Initially, I just was like, man, I'm kind of hungry, and I just made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and never revisited that moment.
First of all, I'm sorry that that happened to you. I was hopeful too. I was hopeful that that story ended with you having electric powers.
Now it feels like an origin story for sure.
I was right there, man, the Spider bit me, I fell into the vat of science liquid and I just know hours Man, Yeah, you did all.
Right, though, we did alright for yourself.
I too.
As a child, I wasn't as afraid of it as much as I wanted to be able to access some powers and so many of like great superheroes tend to come from like weird accidents like that. Yeah, Like the Flash was my favorite growing up, Like I wanted to be the Yeah, I was like I'm a run fast and so there would be times I wasn't brave enough to stick a fork in a socket. But there were times, and I remember this specifically, where like we moved to this neighborhood called Bellwood, which is like outside of Chicago. It's like a more black neighborhood than I was living in at the previous to that, and I would go outside and race cars. Like I would sit like in front of my house and wait till cars were passing, and then I would just run full speed next to cars, being like, yeah, I'm a fucking beat this car. And then at one point it was like a weird hour of the day where I'm racing a car and a dude yelled out, the fuck are you doing it? I was like, I can't. I guess I ain't got no powers. I don't think I'm a race cars. No more goud.
A took was one random outburst for you to stop your dream.
I was like, this ain't superpowers. This is this is accountability, and I'm meeting it.
I was afraid. I didn't think I could get a superpowers. But I have a very specific reason. I was afraid of electricity. I was a big latchkey kid, right, And if you were a latchkiy kid, it was don't cook was like the big thing, right, do not cook. Don't fucking cook. So mom was gone, I cook immediately.
Because we.
Didn't have anything good in the house. So after school we didn't have anything good. I was like, I'm gonna make a tuna fish sandwich. But I was like, let me church this up a bit. You know what's you know, it's better than a tuna's fish sandwich. Hot tuna melt right, not wrong, I'm saying saying it turned out smart. So I fucking I took the can off, I drained the juice, and then I was like, I'll just throw the can in the microwave. Oh no, Like I just throw the can in the microwave to heat it up.
Right, Oh god no.
And I put it in there and I'm sitting because I'm I could have been more than eight or nine. I'm sitting about three inches away from that bitch. And there was like four seconds and maybe there was like a lightning bolt that went from the top of the can to the side of the can, and it was like, oh bright, and it hurt my eyes and I backed up. And ever since then, I've been so afraid of I fucking because I thought the whole house was gonna burn down. And ever since said I've been so afraid of electricity, I.
Say, afraid of tuna. Like you know what, man, I've been nowhere near tuna ever since that album car away from me.
If anything, I doubled down anything that day or were you know, I just pulled it out and made it a cold man.
Not deter your life. Okay, that's out.
I'm just going yeah, you ate that radiated tuna. Yeah, Jesus Christ. It wasn't like we had a bunch to just like throw around, you know what I mean. I already had a plan.
You took a big swing, you could you can.
Just skip it? Hilarious, man, Man, I remember how I scared the ship out of me.
That's great.
So you didn't get the lightning powers that you dreamt of. You don't believe necessarily that that your mom was correcting all of this? Where where do you stand now in all of this? What are you telling your children? Your father? What are you telling your children as it relates to lightning and experimentation with forks and sockets and whatnot?
You know what. Shoot, my kids are seventeen and fifteen. I realized I've never had a conversation with them about any of the safety of lightning period. Man. I think also because like my their generation didn't grow up outside as much as we did, so they're never like I can't even say they've ever been outdoors in a lightning storm, thunder lightning storm when they weren't like in a car or something. So I never had to pass that along. It's so interesting how the thing about parenthood that really messes with my mind is like the money, but in addition to that, it's like, for better for worse, you really are responsible for somebody's worldview, like how they start off seeing the world. Then they either have to accept that change it. Like my mom was like, this is the thing about lightning, kid, you know what I'm saying, And I had to reject that. But at least she put us, you know, she puts something out there, And I feel like that's the wildest thing about parenthood is like, bro, I don't even know what's happening in the world. Don't listen to me. I don't know. I didn't know how good I'm doing it as a parent, just just I remember one time it was really funny. I messed with my kids about this. We had like a what does an animal sound? You know, we were doing that like it was like a little picture ball. No, no, it was like a picture book. It was like cow. You're like teaching them and I would be like, cow, the cow says, move right. And I remember getting to like giraffe, and I was like, you know, the draft does it make a sound that we noticed? And I remember thinking, and I did this. I was like, I'm gonna make up a draft down and I hope my kids go to school and fight to the nail because they're gonna believe me. So I was like, and the draft says. And I did that all the time. I made up like alligators, any animal that didn't have a sound. For sure. I was just like, and the crocodile says. And I wanted them to just go to school or daycare. And he like, no, man, my dad said, and he's right. He was running about cows. He was righting about birds and ducks.
You know, like, why would he lie tell me that? It couldn't possibly be because of his insecurity. You couldn't mean because he don't know nothing.
That's one member of this panel who's not a father. I think you did the right thing. I believe I want to not respect you. Think you don't know anything about nature. My dad doesn't even know what a giraffe sounds like. He's supposed to keep me safe in the world. You don't even know about a giraffe noise.
If you want to run my household, you better know what a giraffe.
Better make it up, man, until we see one and we're proven otherwise. And I remember we went to the zoo one time and they were like, they're not doing the sound. I was like, man, they're maybe tired or something.
Oh he's sick.
This is just a problem with zoos. They sedate the animals. They're not themselves here. We got to see in nature.
When we go to Africa, these are in captivity.
Man, Like, I don't even know this is true. But did y'all watch Blackfish, the documentary about World. Oh yeah, so you know. I went to see World all the time as a kid, and I remember that. I remember the dorsal finn thing specifically, it's like flapped over in SeaWorld and we were you know, the kids always asked, and they will say, oh, you know, they made up something like oh yeah, this happens a lot with these type of whales. And then in Blackfish they were like that never happens. Ever, it only happened that SeaWorld. I remember being like, oh my god, I just I believe these people because they work with the well. It never crossed my mind that they could be its bias and propaganda. It's big, big Sea World wants to frame little children's behind and like that's what parent hass like, like somebody just says something and goes with it, so confidently you question them.
Listen, kids, his dorsal fin has flipped that way because he's having too much fun. He's doubled over. You ever had too many Skittles? Kids, That's what he feels like.
And we don't know enough to challenge them. Man, they have to know them with them all day.
I mean, they were beating this ship out the whales honestly struggling to keep his fin up.
I'm not pro that, but they did a good job because SeaWorld was funny, shit brot to go. Man. The dolphins showed SeaWorld is one of the top five experiences of my whole life.
All right, guys, I shouldn't do this. I should not do this. We're already having a great time. I watched that documentary with my wife and I was like, if I never knew this, I would never know this. So we went to vacation in Florida, like I don't know, two years ago, and they were like, we got tickets to Seaword, Man, we should go, and I was just like, yes, I'm not gonna rob my children. At least a have to watch black people and know them lie. But they gotta see it. Well do you have to? Man? I'm sorry, see world is still open. The documentary didn't do enough damage.
Man.
People were like, oh, that's crazy, but it's still doing well.
And you gotta know the steaks. You gotta know the steaks you go. Then you gotta choose. You have to know how much fun you had. But then you have to be like, all right, now, I choose because otherwise you never even got to have that fun.
And that's probably my issue is I've I've chosen not to do it, but it's only because I've never tried that sweet Sea World cocaine, you know what I mean. Like, I've never sweet, gotten a taste.
It's good. It seems like it's I feel so bad, but I'm like, man, man, it is cool.
Though.
I'm sorry, man, there's so many We just gotta be honest with ourselves. Man, we are we are not perfect people. We're flawed individuals. And I let capitalism get the best of me. And I was all in for like years when I saw that. It was like years I didn't take kids to see world. But you know, I was weak in that moment and I had We had the best time. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. Maybe feel more guilty, like if it was terrible out of it, like, man, this is man, I shouldn't even But because it was so good, I was. I mean, the food was good.
The rides, we watched, the show we ate Whale, it was. It was a hell of a time.
But listen, here's what I argue. Is that not the mark of a truly great father. You took the burden of that on you, and you internalized it. You didn't catch down generational blackfis trauma. You said, no, I'm gonna let these little kids enjoy it. I know the evil that works with them.
That's nice.
I'm a hero.
Yeah, I don't think.
I don't think our listeners are gonna agree. But that's nothing about that. All right, we have to take a break.
We'll be back when we have on stage and more. Ma Mama told.
Me we're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.
Just sleek, it's sexy.
Come on, you want to tell them what we have?
Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it. Since my mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to Ma Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com where you can see all of our merch. You can buy ship and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it.
It feces thrown all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and.
We are back with Michael Jackson.
It was it was a real clip.
I've never heard that or something.
If I'm not mistaken, it was something relating to the Second Trial. I feel like it has something to do with with the Second Trial because that was the that was the era if we if I'm remembering correctly, where Michael Jackson had linked up with Johnny cochrane and they were sort of playing him heavy as a black artist being mistreated. Uh, they did the same OJ ship where they're like, this is a racial issue. And I think it had something to do with people like abusing him or mistreating him and and like giving him a shitty boo boo room or something like that.
Do man play it one more time?
I was hoping you would say.
That, yeah, there was doo dooo feces thrown all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling in a stunk.
So I went forty years and I've never heard.
What I like.
What I like most is that he says there was doo dooo feces, as if they are some sort of conjunction, that it is a that to say one, you cannot say one without the other. It was doodoo fecis.
I mean, I think there's levels and we can all agree that sometimes you do do sometimes feces.
I feel like it's only used in medical terms. Yeah, but it's so black that Michael Jackson says doodoo like that.
Hey, he's a black man.
I imagine him not in character like man, there's doodoo everywhere, man, Michael Jackson, Man, you got doodle, You got fs over here?
Come on you eighty million albums? You think Prince got dooty word as well? I own the fucking Beatles catalog?
What is wrong with y'all?
I got a monkey, nigga monkey doodle.
He no better than don't do that? Mean I wish brothers one. Don't doodle at me. I kill him dead. I don't do like that.
He ships in a toilet like an adult.
What a wild We were talking about Sea World earlier. What a wild time where we were just letting regular citizens own exotic animals, so take them to award shows.
And she's such a dangerous practice. Because I grew up thinking like I thought that. As a kid, I was like, yeah, I funk around, I can get a monkey.
That was my dream.
I was gonna get a monkey, yeah, one hundred per and I was gonna get a spider monkey.
See this is fucked up.
In hindsight, I think I wanted a chimp, which is the danger most one that kills you.
Yeah, yeah, I seen a chimp rip some dudes head. He ripped the scalp off you. It not in real life, it was on it was on the internet. He was like, you know those places, but we're gonna pet the monkeys, and the monkey like grabbed his head and just rip fuck and it was like white meat. And I was like, I'm not doing that no more. I used to want to go to Thailand and do that, and now I'm like, I'm unaware of monkey strength. And I've seen Planet of the Apes, but I ain't seen head to the white meat and one fell swoop.
Yeah, And I mean because Player of the Apes is more about their mental strength. Physically, that's a worthy opponent.
They're formidable.
This is great, a good time perform Like he imagine somebody hopping into this podcast at this moment in here. You know, physically they're a formative poet Jim bar.
Anyway, that and then they get off and they're like, what is that podcast about?
It?
Like black conspiracy theories. I think it's black people and conspiracy theories. But sometimes they talk about strong ass monkeys.
And Michael Jackson saying Dodo, Man, it all makes sense if you heard the whole episode.
You can't skip around, giving around enjoy the thing.
No, you gotta buckle and we're not a dalliance.
Yeah, keV, I did some research on your conspiracy theory that I would love to unpack with you. I went to the National Weather Service website to review some of the songs and myths about lightning, and uh, they do feeld a lot of weird questions, including if crouching down or lying down in the center of a field during a storm will keep you safe. Uh, And I assure you all it does not. It in fact, just makes you dumb and looks silly. They lying down especially as dangerous because if lightning strikes nearby, the electric current that moves through the ground, it's just like has a better chance of spreading through your whole body.
Oh that's dope, I have some more to be scared of. That's good, that's what.
Yeah.
Yeah, So don't lie down thinking.
You jump that's a good question.
That is a good question.
You're weighing like I'm jumping, so I'm closer to the lightning. But if it misses me and hits the ground, I'm not part of the conducted electricity.
It wasn't. It wasn't in their questions, but I'm happy to submit that one. Afterwards, I'll also submit can you pray the lightning away? Let's let's just hit all the silliest ones we can find. Oh my god. One of the things that they say, though, is that it is dangerous to be outside in all circumstances during a lightning storm. However, they say the closest thing to a safe alternative we have is being in your actual house. So you were already doing the right thing by being in a home with all of your electricity turned off. And they say that the only time that it actually is dangerous in your house of being struck by lightning is if you.
Are around the electric slide.
Yeah, if you're doing the electric slide.
Especially the part where we go like.
That's the production, that's the conduction.
If you strike while it's striking, that's man.
You're done. You are calling for lightning if you're doing that.
That's what it started out. It was a Native American lightning dance. We co opted it. A lot of people don't know.
You can't see it. It's electric, but they say that the the one time that it is dangerous is that if you are around something that conducts electricity. So they ask you to avoid corded phones if you're still doing that shit, electrical appliances, wires, t be cables, computers, plumbing, metal doors and windows. No mention of silver shredder toys on the list.
Here's a question that I have immediately. This is where my yep, you say plumbing. Now, let's say I am taking one of the aforementioned dodoos.
One of one of Michael's infamous doodoos.
And I'm spling now, so you understand that I'm being very serious. Yeah, is there a possibility of lightning striking my booty hole?
I'm gonna go so far as to say the booty hole is not the the threat.
There.
There are stories of people being in lightning strikes while taking showers. It seems like showers are more of a threat than Okay, the lightning shooting up the toilet into your booty hole.
It's gotta scoop pass, get out the sides of the.
Bull if you do it right.
The dude who move out the way.
Yeah, I have a lot of iron in.
Oh my god.
It does sound though like if I were using a process of elimination, which I imagine your mother may have been doing at the time, that maybe if you turned out all the lights, and you've turned out all the things that in theory conduct electricity, and you additionally had to consider other things that might be a threat to your child, something shimmery and or silver would fall into like a safer category. Then let's say trench coat, Raphael, you know what I mean, like Native American, Michaelangelo, whatever the other alternatives you had in your house. One of the other things that I wanted to look up, and this was pretty exciting, actually, is that apparently I wanted to look up weird stories or any same stories of lightning strikes, and there are some pretty weird ones. And apparently the person who has been struck the most by lightning is a man named Roy Cleveland Sullivan, who worked as a park ranger in Shenandoah Shenandoah Shenandoah Okay hell Yeah National Park in Virginia between nineteen forty two and nineteen seventy seven, and he claims to have been struck by lightning. Hold for for the drum roll seven times. Seven times he was struck by lightning and survived all the go I'm seeing some skepticism on your faces.
Well, I first of all want to make light of the fact that you thought it might be doaha.
He just announced it twice, Shenandoah Shadua. If you hadn't corrected him, he might They're still telling how many different ways he could have went with that.
Fellas I was going to he making noises till I till I made it feel right.
The rookie outside linebacker.
Just a nice simoen man who moved to the States to play football.
Man. But seven times that's document who was there.
So that's the thing.
It's rare.
I think that lightning strikes and there's just somebody there being like, whoa, you got a struk.
By lightning, just like it was just crazy Roy.
You are on a roll, my man, I got child. He did have a number of sort of like artifacts to sort of demonstrate or like things that that he had to show for it. Like twice, I think he got struck on the top of his head and it like singed the middle of his his ranger hat and basically burned a hole in the and at one point lit his hair on fire. So all of that stuff is documented. And I don't know that he did that independently, you know what I mean. I don't think that he was just like fucking around and lighting his hair on fire on his own, you know what I mean.
So this leads to my next question, how much silver did my man have on him? Oh?
He was drippy lying with shredder toys. You need to find out if he was an avid shredder collector. Yeah, and he's just like, under no circumstances I ever live in the house without these. I don't care how many times I would rather die.
I don't give both fuck what my mom says.
He's like I got Streuss six times.
It's not gonna happen again.
It's only making super Shredders. It's only making super Shredders.
How old was he? How is he dead?
Now?
He has to be dead. He was born in like nineteen thirteen or some shit like that. And did he guy of lightning complications? I don't think so. I think he like lived a pretty regular life, it seems. This is what makes it even crazier is that it doesn't even feel like he got messed up that bad from his lightning strikes, like it his legs. I didn't look all that up.
You get hit by lightning, you're not does not work.
Oh yeah, I didn't think about that.
That's the first thing I thought. If that goes, there's no way you're gonna make a regular. His kid better be fast as fucked.
His baby's ratings like lightning seven times. You are making electronic children.
Yeah, and when you come it says finish him and then then rating comes out. That's not my best joke, but.
Solid.
I also read about one of the oldest and worst lightning strikes ever recorded, happened in a town called Brescia, Italy. Does anybody have a correction for Brescia Breccia? I don't know how to power?
Okay.
Tittysville, Italy. In seventeen sixty nine, a church was being used as a battery to store approximately one hundred tons of gunpowder. The church took a direct hit of lightning, and all the gunpowder eventually caught fire and exploded. After all the dust settled, nearly a sixth of the city was destroyed and killed nearly three thousand people.
Oh my god, Wow.
I started laughing too early.
Yeah, sorry, fellas. Sorry, this can't all be fun and games. Three thousand dead Italians from the seventeen hundreds.
Sounds like a shudder job to me. No, I wish you would get two hours.
Laughed too early. You could not have anticipated. That's how that story ended. Man having such a good time.
Okay, I'll tell you one more example, and this one actually is pretty fun. This one doesn't get sad. But I found a part of the National Weather Service website that is self submitted, like lists of recent survivors of lightning strikes. Like people can type in right in there and be like, I survived and this is what happened. Blah blah blah. And most of the injuries that they report are like it's it ranges, it's the full gamut. They they chronic pain, memory loss, coma's depression, ears, ringing, muscle funk, loss of muscle function, all of that shit. But there was one person on this list, a woman named Missy, who claimed to have gotten extrasensory perception esp. From her encounter with lightning.
So okay, and some of our listens, I know, but some of our listeners maybe don't fully understand esp Yeah, as an actual is like that guy Cruskin invented it, right, I don't know much about I. Well, it's me. It's me. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is like.
No, listen, I'm I'm glad you're asking that. And in fact, I tracked down the email that she sent. Oh, and I can read it to you all now. The subject line is high price for pizza question mark, supernatural side effect question mark, And she says, I was struck by lightning about twelve years ago. No one ever told me that you weren't supposed to be on a landline telephone during an electrical storm. So there I was. Say it again, she didn't have a black mom, No black mama, nobody supposed to be here. Well, bits, I can't fuck.
That one didn't even make that much sense.
I was. It just felt boy, what you know what? I don't mind it.
Yes, sometimes it's just sometimes it's magic, it's not science.
Yeah, she says. So there, I was calling in a carry out pizza order when I noticed that the lightning and thunder was getting more intense and coming more frequently. I heard static on the phone line, which kept getting louder and louder. Then I heard what sounded like a loud explosion, and at the same time I noticed a bright white light at my feet, which was football shaped and had spikes. It blew me across the floor and I was knocked out for a few seconds. My son came running into the kitchen to find me laying there on the floor. When I started to get a numbing feeling on one side of my body, starting at the toes and working upward, he called nine one one. After spending several hours in the emergency room, they confirmed that I had been hit by lightning. Through the phone lines. After the strike, I noticed a strange side effect. It's almost as if I got esp extrasensory perception. Every once in a while, there have been times where I speak to someone, speak someone's name, someone that I haven't been heard from or seen in many years, and all of a sudden, they walk in the door. Or time, I knew my plumbing was going to be back up in the laundry, and sure enough that night it happened. I've had eerie feelings about this just before they've actually happened. I've actually created a list somewhere in my house of these incidents because I couldn't believe it myself. Most people that know me are amazed, and so am I. This periodic thing only only started after my lightning incident. Wow, how how bought in? Are we at all?
Is not? At all?
No? No, I don't, I don't.
I don't, I don't. Maybe I'm just the cynic in my age. About three sentences in, I was like girl, and I was like.
Oh, you knew the laundry was going to back up because this shit's been rattling for six months. Fucking call you, landlord, what are you talking about?
They're not great examples. You're not nling it with the examples for esp.
Oh, not at all. Like ye, if that was Shark, I'd be like, I'm out for don't don't for this reason, I don't believe you. For this reason, I'm out.
I'd be like, I actually have a lot of friends in the laundry space.
It is.
It is a wild choice to be like, No, I did get superpowers, and and what is my power? I can tell when my laundry room is gonna it's gonna stop working the way it's supposed to.
Yeah, that's just it.
You wasted your powers, baby?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, And did they get that pizza for free?
I don't think so. I don't think the pizza got delivered. It sounds like she had a rough night without pizza. And also, uh, shitty superpowers.
Damn, you know, you lose something exactly.
I think if we, if we can all agree, it seems as if we we we are all sort of certain that shreddered toys are in no way a threat in a lightning storm. And and unfortunately, superpowers are not easily achieved even for those who are struck by lightning. It requires a more miraculous interaction with chemicals in a body to truly turn you supernatural.
Yeah, absolutely, yeah, I think that's.
Damn well, keV, I think we did it. I think this is I think this is a whole shebang.
This is perfect. Man, I still got time to go to my son's soccer game. This is great timing. I appreciate it. Yeah you do.
You want to tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on? Okay? I love that.
You know, if they're curious enough that I should be easy enough to fight. Yeah, that's it's just.
Like, no, you go viral often enough that I think they'll bump into you.
That's fair to say.
Come see about it Kevin on stage. Just search that. Wherever you're looking, you'll probably find me.
Well not us, we still plug bory what you got.
I want to be at the Comedy Bar in Seattle, loging gym and on the twenty seven to twenty eighth, and I desperately need you to buy tickets. Go on my Instagram cool guy joke eighty seven and all my links are there. I got some other dates coming up, but that's what I got right now.
Yeah, and as always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman. I don't have dates just yet to tell you about, but they're coming. And if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you want to send us your own drops, if you want to tell us how you achieved your superpower, send it all to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. Go to my Mama told me dot Merch Central to buy some of the merch that we have cooking. They are moving to them, shirts and hats. They're moving fast. We want y'all to have them, So go there and like subscribe, do whatever bullshit you're supposed to do to keep the podcast afloat. We love it, we need it, We love you. That's the whole thing. Bye, bitch.
Look if you hate cops just because of the cop, next time you get in trouble.
Call the crackhead.
The government. My grow chips in your nails.
All Kuala bears are racists.
The layers, the money and turkey stuff, I'll can't tell me. Govern
