When a marriage is not valid

Declaration of nullity 

Break 1

Was my marriage valid?

Break 2

Ex-husband was not open to children

Fr. Robert Altier joins Doug to discuss the indissolubility of marriage.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Laurie - When I got married, my husband was Catholic, and I was Protestant. We were married in the Catholic Church. Fifteen years later, I became Catholic. Was our original marriage considered valid? (22:35)
Susan - The annulment process deterred me from the Church. I have seen so many annulments granted that I struggle to understand how some of them are approved. (25:25)
Ann - If a former spouse was not baptized and was not open to having children, would those circumstances be grounds for an annulment? This was my situation. (34:53)
Jay - I was married for 23½ years before my wife left and filed for divorce. The divorce was finalized four years ago. After waiting 18 months, I initially planned to remain single but eventually decided to pursue the annulment process. My annulment was granted. (40:36)
John - When Fr. Altier cited the 7% and 90% annulment statistics, he was correct. However, from a different perspective, most dioceses in the United States have marriage tribunals, whereas many other countries do not. (47:42)

 

Resources:

God’s Plan for Your Marriage

https://godsplanforyourmarriagebook.com/

Fr. Robert Altier joins Doug to discuss the indissolubility of marriage.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Laurie - When I got married, my husband was Catholic, and I was Protestant. We were married in the Catholic Church. Fifteen years later, I became Catholic. Was our original marriage considered valid? (22:35)</li>
<li>Susan - The annulment process deterred me from the Church. I have seen so many annulments granted that I struggle to understand how some of them are approved. (25:25)</li>
<li>Ann - If a former spouse was not baptized and was not open to having children, would those circumstances be grounds for an annulment? This was my situation. (34:53)</li>
<li>Jay - I was married for 23&frac12; years before my wife left and filed for divorce. The divorce was finalized four years ago. After waiting 18 months, I initially planned to remain single but eventually decided to pursue the annulment process. My annulment was granted. (40:36)</li>
<li>John - When Fr. Altier cited the 7% and 90% annulment statistics, he was correct. However, from a different perspective, most dioceses in the United States have marriage tribunals, whereas many other countries do not. (47:42)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
God&rsquo;s Plan for Your Marriage
<a href="https://godsplanforyourmarriagebook.com/">https://godsplanforyourmarriagebook.com/</a>

Is My Marriage Valid?

Focusing on the little things

Don't stop dating each other

Blended family, broken boundaries

Apologize without using the word 'but'

Do you have a tendency to focus on what’s wrong in your marriage? Why not focus on the little things you can do right? Today, Doug shares easy things to do to help avoid divorce.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Tim - How can we move beyond the simple ‘I feel’ versus ‘You’ statements when a situation is more complicated? (20:36)
Angela - Could you do an episode on grandparents raising their grandchildren, a growing crisis across the country? What advice, resources, and support would you offer grandparents navigating this challenging role? (42:44)

 

Resources:

 

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

 

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

 

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

 

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

 

Easy things to help avoid divorce
Talk about small things before they become big things.
Set aside 10 minutes a day to really connect with each other.
Say thank you more often.
Don’t’ stop dating each other.
Put your phones away during meals.
Don’t badmouth each other to friends or family.
Apologize without using the word ‘but’.

Do you have a tendency to focus on what&rsquo;s wrong in your marriage? Why not focus on the little things you can do right? Today, Doug shares easy things to do to help avoid divorce.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Tim - How can we move beyond the simple &lsquo;I feel&rsquo; versus &lsquo;You&rsquo; statements when a situation is more complicated? (20:36)</li>
<li>Angela - Could you do an episode on grandparents raising their grandchildren, a growing crisis across the country? What advice, resources, and support would you offer grandparents navigating this challenging role? (42:44)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
&nbsp;
Marriage Unhindered
<a href="https://www.marriageunhindered.com/">https://www.marriageunhindered.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Happy Marriage for Life
<a href="https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/">https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Therapists
<a href="https://catholictherapists.com/">https://catholictherapists.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Psychotherapy
<a href="https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/">https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/</a>
&nbsp;
Easy things to help avoid divorce
<ol>
<li>Talk about small things before they become big things.</li>
<li>Set aside 10 minutes a day to really connect with each other.</li>
<li>Say thank you more often.</li>
<li>Don&rsquo;t&rsquo; stop dating each other.</li>
<li>Put your phones away during meals.</li>
<li>Don&rsquo;t badmouth each other to friends or family.</li>
<li>Apologize without using the word &lsquo;but&rsquo;.</li>
</ol>

Simple Habits, Lasting Marriages

Pope Leo on Happiness  

Howto be Happy No Matter What

Dan on ho happines is a moral obligation 

Four Levels of Happines 

Doug talks about how to find true happiness in life.  

Dan-I think happiness is a moral obligation and it's a choice. (12:57) 

Resources:

Fr. Robert Spitzer, "Four Levels of Happiness": https://sophiainstitute.com/product/the-four-levels-of-happiness/
How to be Happy No Matter What: https://aleteia.org/2021/01/25/how-to-be-happy-no-matter-what-happens/
Country singer Sarah Evans renewed marriage:  https://people.com/sara-evans-renewed-marriage-to-jay-barker-is-what-she-dreamed-exclusive-12208050

Doug talks about how to find true happiness in life.&nbsp;&nbsp;
Dan-I think happiness is a moral obligation and it's a choice. (12:57)&nbsp;
Resources:
Fr. Robert Spitzer, "Four Levels of Happiness":&nbsp;<a href="https://sophiainstitute.com/product/the-four-levels-of-happiness/" data-auth="NotApplicable" data-linkindex="0">https://sophiainstitute.com/product/the-four-levels-of-happiness/</a> How to be Happy No Matter What: <a href="https://aleteia.org/2021/01/25/how-to-be-happy-no-matter-what-happens/" data-auth="NotApplicable" data-linkindex="1">https://aleteia.org/2021/01/25/how-to-be-happy-no-matter-what-happens/</a> Country singer Sarah Evans renewed marriage:&nbsp; <a href="https://people.com/sara-evans-renewed-marriage-to-jay-barker-is-what-she-dreamed-exclusive-12208050" data-auth="NotApplicable" data-linkindex="2">https://people.com/sara-evans-renewed-marriage-to-jay-barker-is-what-she-dreamed-exclusive-12208050</a>

True Happiness in Life 

Finding a good school

Inappropriate chat group

Traits a woman should look for in a man

Break

Inspiring personal growth

Traits a man should look for in a woman

Disappointment test

Doug shares what a woman should look for in a future husband and what a man should look for in a future wife.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Mary - Is it appropriate for my husband to remain in a WhatsApp group where coworkers share inappropriate content and videos involving other women, especially after I have expressed that it makes me uncomfortable, and he refuses to leave the group? (10:30)

 

Resources:

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

 

Traits a woman should look for in a man
He should be clear about his intentions
He should be protective of you
He should be faithful both online and off
He should encourage you to be a better person
He should believe that marriage is for life

Traits a man should look for in a woman
Look for honesty and integrity
Look for emotional stability
Look for kindness and respect
Look for the capacity to sacrifice
Look for shared faith and shared vision of life

Doug shares what a woman should look for in a future husband and what a man should look for in a future wife.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Mary - Is it appropriate for my husband to remain in a WhatsApp group where coworkers share inappropriate content and videos involving other women, especially after I have expressed that it makes me uncomfortable, and he refuses to leave the group? (10:30)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
Happy Marriage for Life
<a href="https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/">https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Traits a woman should look for in a man
<ol>
<li>He should be clear about his intentions</li>
<li>He should be protective of you</li>
<li>He should be faithful both online and off</li>
<li>He should encourage you to be a better person</li>
<li>He should believe that marriage is for life</li>
</ol>
Traits a man should look for in a woman
<ol>
<li>Look for honesty and integrity</li>
<li>Look for emotional stability</li>
<li>Look for kindness and respect</li>
<li>Look for the capacity to sacrifice</li>
<li>Look for shared faith and shared vision of life</li>
</ol>

Traits of a Good Future Spouse

Coming up next week

Quick Review

Celebrating our children

Faith, Prayer, Praise, and Gratitude

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to share how parents alienate their adult children without knowing it.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Maria - As a single mother raising a son with special needs, I give God thanks for every blessing, every milestone, and every victory. Through prayer, praise, and unconditional love, I lift my son up and remind him daily that he is wonderfully made, deeply loved, and has a purpose. (27:47)
Rudy - Sometimes it takes a third person to bring family back together. After a falling-out, my brother and nephew became estranged, and the hurt was so deep that my nephew didn't invite his uncle to his wedding. (40:01)
Deedee - Monica, I truly admire your insight and wisdom. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on how we can recognize our own parenting patterns and grow from them. (44:24)

 

Resources:

Monica Hinderer

https://www.monicahinderer.com/

 

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

 

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

 

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

 

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to share how parents alienate their adult children without knowing it.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Maria - As a single mother raising a son with special needs, I give God thanks for every blessing, every milestone, and every victory. Through prayer, praise, and unconditional love, I lift my son up and remind him daily that he is wonderfully made, deeply loved, and has a purpose. (27:47)</li>
<li>Rudy - Sometimes it takes a third person to bring family back together. After a falling-out, my brother and nephew became estranged, and the hurt was so deep that my nephew didn't invite his uncle to his wedding. (40:01)</li>
<li>Deedee - Monica, I truly admire your insight and wisdom. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on how we can recognize our own parenting patterns and grow from them. (44:24)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
Monica Hinderer
<a href="https://www.monicahinderer.com/">https://www.monicahinderer.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Marriage Unhindered
<a href="https://www.marriageunhindered.com/">https://www.marriageunhindered.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Happy Marriage for Life
<a href="https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/">https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Therapists
<a href="https://catholictherapists.com/">https://catholictherapists.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Psychotherapy
<a href="https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/">https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/</a>

Lifting Up Our Children

Pray for vocations

Attraction from the start

Drifting apart

Break 

Husband left for another woman

Healing though Mary's intercession  

Imitating Christ's love for us

Doug unpacks a case study from Leila Miller’s book, Impossible Marriages Redeemed. The marriage began with strong attraction, but after having children, the husband gradually drifted away and eventually left his wife for another woman.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Chris - I’m going through a difficult time in my 11-year marriage. We have three young children, ages 7, 5, and 2. How can I keep my heart from becoming hardened, grow personally, and work toward improving my marriage? (17:00)

 

Resources:

 

Impossible Marriages Redeemed

https://www.leilamiller.net/impossiblemarriagesredeemedpdf

 

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

 

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

 

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

 

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Doug unpacks a case study from Leila Miller&rsquo;s book, Impossible Marriages Redeemed. The marriage began with strong attraction, but after having children, the husband gradually drifted away and eventually left his wife for another woman.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Chris - I&rsquo;m going through a difficult time in my 11-year marriage. We have three young children, ages 7, 5, and 2. How can I keep my heart from becoming hardened, grow personally, and work toward improving my marriage? (17:00)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
&nbsp;
Impossible Marriages Redeemed
<a href="https://www.leilamiller.net/impossiblemarriagesredeemedpdf">https://www.leilamiller.net/impossiblemarriagesredeemedpdf</a>
&nbsp;
Marriage Unhindered
<a href="https://www.marriageunhindered.com/">https://www.marriageunhindered.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Happy Marriage for Life
<a href="https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/">https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Therapists
<a href="https://catholictherapists.com/">https://catholictherapists.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Psychotherapy
<a href="https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/">https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/</a>

A Marriage Redeemed by Grace

Vocations Awareness Week

Healthy ways to cope with stress

Managing stress in a big family

Review of ways to cope with stress

Are you experiencing stress in your life? Is your stress getting in the way of your sleep. Today, Doug shares 9 healthy ways to cope with stress.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Jessica - How can I better manage stress while caring for a family with multiple mental health and learning challenges? My children have ADHD, autism, and learning disabilities, and my spouse has OCD. As a mom, I feel responsible for managing everyone’s needs. (27:44)
Cindy - I have ADHD, as do my two children and my son-in-law, who is a doctor. ADHD doesn't define you or limit your potential. My son is a professor, and we're all living healthy, successful lives. These kids are simply wired differently! (34:31)

 

Resources:

 

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

 

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

 

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

 

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

 

Healthy ways to cope with stress
Check in with yourself
Accept the stress
Meditate
Distance yourself
Engage in healthy habits
Try deep breathing
Talk about it
Seek meaningful activities
Progressive muscle relaxation

Are you experiencing stress in your life? Is your stress getting in the way of your sleep. Today, Doug shares 9 healthy ways to cope with stress.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Jessica - How can I better manage stress while caring for a family with multiple mental health and learning challenges? My children have ADHD, autism, and learning disabilities, and my spouse has OCD. As a mom, I feel responsible for managing everyone&rsquo;s needs. (27:44)</li>
<li>Cindy - I have ADHD, as do my two children and my son-in-law, who is a doctor. ADHD doesn't define you or limit your potential. My son is a professor, and we're all living healthy, successful lives. These kids are simply wired differently! (34:31)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
&nbsp;
Marriage Unhindered
<a href="https://www.marriageunhindered.com/">https://www.marriageunhindered.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Happy Marriage for Life
<a href="https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/">https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Therapists
<a href="https://catholictherapists.com/">https://catholictherapists.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Psychotherapy
<a href="https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/">https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/</a>
&nbsp;
Healthy ways to cope with stress
<ol>
<li>Check in with yourself</li>
<li>Accept the stress</li>
<li>Meditate</li>
<li>Distance yourself</li>
<li>Engage in healthy habits</li>
<li>Try deep breathing</li>
<li>Talk about it</li>
<li>Seek meaningful activities</li>
<li>Progressive muscle relaxation</li>
</ol>

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty on suffering 

The Blessed Mother's path of suffering

Meditating on the passion of Jesus

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty joins Doug for a discussion on suffering in marriage and how we can navigate it with faith and grace. Together, they reflect on the Blessed Virgin Mary as the ultimate model of embracing suffering, exploring how her example can teach us to endure life's hardships with patience, humility, and trust in God.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Araceli - How should I approach a situation where one person in our family has experienced a miscarriage and another person has chosen to have an abortion? How do I explain the difference? (16:07)
Rita - I've personally experienced six miscarriages. A miscarriage is a spontaneous loss, not a choice or something the mother causes. An abortion involves a deliberate decision to end a pregnancy. They are two very different experiences, and it's important to recognize that distinction. (27:53)

 

Resources:

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty

https://substack.com/@aaronkheriaty

 

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty on X

https://x.com/AaronKheriatyMD

 

Mary’s Participation in the Cross

https://catholicexchange.com/marys-participation-in-the-cross/

 

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

 

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty joins Doug for a discussion on suffering in marriage and how we can navigate it with faith and grace. Together, they reflect on the Blessed Virgin Mary as the ultimate model of embracing suffering, exploring how her example can teach us to endure life's hardships with patience, humility, and trust in God.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Araceli - How should I approach a situation where one person in our family has experienced a miscarriage and another person has chosen to have an abortion? How do I explain the difference? (16:07)</li>
<li>Rita - I've personally experienced six miscarriages. A miscarriage is a spontaneous loss, not a choice or something the mother causes. An abortion involves a deliberate decision to end a pregnancy. They are two very different experiences, and it's important to recognize that distinction. (27:53)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
Dr. Aaron Kheriaty
<a href="https://substack.com/@aaronkheriaty">https://substack.com/@aaronkheriaty</a>
&nbsp;
Dr. Aaron Kheriaty on X
<a href="https://x.com/AaronKheriatyMD">https://x.com/AaronKheriatyMD</a>
&nbsp;
Mary&rsquo;s Participation in the Cross
<a href="https://catholicexchange.com/marys-participation-in-the-cross/">https://catholicexchange.com/marys-participation-in-the-cross/</a>
&nbsp;
Marriage Unhindered
<a href="https://www.marriageunhindered.com/">https://www.marriageunhindered.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Happy Marriage for Life
<a href="https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/">https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/</a>

The Blessed Mother's Path of Suffering

St. Elizabeth of Portugal

Forgiveness in marriage 

Blessed Elisabeth Canori Mora

Holiday tension over lifestyle choices

Practical tips for holiness

Doug discusses the lives of St. Elizabeth of Portugal and Blessed Elisabeth Canori Mora.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Deedee – How does one deal with spiritually when a husband has PTSD. (45:40)

 

Resources:

Practical tips for holiness
Go to Mass with the deepest devotion
Spend a half hour to reflect on a defect and work to replace it
Do spiritual reading every day
Pray the rosary every day
Visit the Blessed Sacrament
Conclude the day with evening prayer
Make a review of the month an go to confession
Choose a patron saint every month

Doug discusses the lives of St. Elizabeth of Portugal and Blessed Elisabeth Canori Mora.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Deedee &ndash; How does one deal with spiritually when a husband has PTSD. (45:40)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
Practical tips for holiness
<ol>
<li>Go to Mass with the deepest devotion</li>
<li>Spend a half hour to reflect on a defect and work to replace it</li>
<li>Do spiritual reading every day</li>
<li>Pray the rosary every day</li>
<li>Visit the Blessed Sacrament</li>
<li>Conclude the day with evening prayer</li>
<li>Make a review of the month an go to confession</li>
<li>Choose a patron saint every month</li>
</ol>

Practical Tips for Holiness

Sexual abuse statistics

Impact on marital intimacy

Forgiveness and healing from past trauma

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to discuss how past sexual trauma can show up in marriage.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Jenny - My cousin assaulted me and my mother was upset. I told her what happened and he was kicked out. I felt ashamed. (24:29)
Robert - My brother and I were molested by a neighbor but I was able to forgive him. From then on I lived a normal life. I kept it hidden for many years but was able to heal at a spiritual retreat. (33:51)
Maria - I had been through it as a child and in relationships I’ve been in the past. I’ve had to keep this person out of my life. I forgive him and pray for him. (39:02)
Jimmy - As a young child, my brother sexually abused me, but didn't know what was happening until years later. It affected my marriage and led to divorce. (44:32)

 

Resources:

 

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

 

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

 

Monica Hinderer

https://www.monicahinderer.com/

 

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

 

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to discuss how past sexual trauma can show up in marriage.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Jenny - My cousin assaulted me and my mother was upset. I told her what happened and he was kicked out. I felt ashamed. (24:29)</li>
<li>Robert - My brother and I were molested by a neighbor but I was able to forgive him. From then on I lived a normal life. I kept it hidden for many years but was able to heal at a spiritual retreat. (33:51)</li>
<li>Maria - I had been through it as a child and in relationships I&rsquo;ve been in the past. I&rsquo;ve had to keep this person out of my life. I forgive him and pray for him. (39:02)</li>
<li>Jimmy - As a young child, my brother sexually abused me, but didn't know what was happening until years later. It affected my marriage and led to divorce. (44:32)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
&nbsp;
Marriage Unhindered
<a href="https://www.marriageunhindered.com/">https://www.marriageunhindered.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Happy Marriage for Life
<a href="https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/">https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Monica Hinderer
<a href="https://www.monicahinderer.com/">https://www.monicahinderer.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Therapists
<a href="https://catholictherapists.com/">https://catholictherapists.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Catholic Psychotherapy
<a href="https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/">https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/</a>

Healing from past sexual trauma

Marriage Unhindered is a sincere exploration of the joys and challenges within the realm of marriage. Hosted by the seasoned Doug Hinderer, this one-hour, caller-based show is scheduled to air Monday through Friday at 5PM CT, and will offer listeners an authentic journey into the complexities of marital relationships.

Marriage Unhindered is a sincere exploration of the joys and challenges within the realm of marriage. Hosted by the seasoned Doug Hinderer, this one-hour, caller-based show is scheduled to air Monday through Friday at 5PM CT, and will offer listeners an authentic journey into the complexities of marital relationships.

Marriage Unhindered

Social links:

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