Dear Mapaseka
I’m writing to you because my wife and I are going through a rough patch in our marriage, and I’m
struggling with how to handle it. When we got married seven years ago, my wife was very slim and active. Over the years, her body has changed—she’s gained a lot of weight and seems uninterested in her health. I understand that bodies change, especially after childbirth, but I feel like she’s given up on herself. She eats a lot of junk food, doesn’t exercise, and refuses any suggestions I make—whether it’s about seeing a dietitian or joining a gym. She’s only 31 but seems much older physically and emotionally. I find myself avoiding being seen in public with her because I feel embarrassed, and that’s something I’m ashamed to admit. These days, I attend social events alone just to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Intimacy has also become mechanical—it’s something I do out of obligation, not desire. I haven’t been unfaithful, but I can feel myself slipping. I don’t see her the same way anymore, and I’m battling with guilt, frustration, and confusion. I don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t feel happy or attracted to her anymore. Please help me understand what to do. Am I being shallow or is this a real issue? How do I deal with these
feelings?
Andrew