Why is asking for help so hard, especially when you’re usually the capable one?

I recently found myself exhausted, overwhelmed and lying awake at 2:00 am trying to solve every problem in my life at once. When a friend asked a very simple question, “Why don’t you ask for help?”, my immediate response was:

I should be able to handle this.

And that got me thinking.

In this episode of Leading You, I explore why capable, strong and independent people can find it so difficult to ask for support, and what happens when being “the capable one” becomes part of our identity.

We look at the relationship between independence and control, why “it’s easier if I do it myself” can turn leaders into bottlenecks, and what we inadvertently teach our teams when we always appear to have everything under control.

In this episode, I explore:

• Why capable people often wait until they’re overwhelmed before asking for help
• How capability can become part of our identity
• The relationship between independence and control
• Why doing everything yourself can create a leadership bottleneck
• Why receiving support can feel harder than giving it
• What leaders model when they never ask for help
• How to recognise your warning signs before you reach capacity

Perhaps being capable doesn’t mean being able to do everything alone. Maybe it means knowing yourself well enough to recognise when something is too much, trusting the people around you and being secure enough to ask for support.

Ask yourself: What would I ask for if I didn’t believe asking made me less capable?

Timestamps

00:00 Podcast Intro
00:50 Why Help Feels Hard
02:53 The Capable Identity Trap
04:20 Waiting Until Drowning
05:53 Control and Bottlenecks
08:29 Receiving and Reciprocity
09:36 Event Invitation
10:33 Leadership Ripple Effects
11:52 Redefining Capability
12:56 Catch the Signs Early
14:05 What to Ask For
16:22 Closing and Call to Action

Links:
Learn more about my group coaching program here
Join the Lead.Her Collective Dinner on 28th October. Reserve your seat here
Get the Clarity Compass here

Connect with Julie:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-hyde/
Instagram: @juliehydeleads
Website: https://juliehyde.com.au