Whether you’ve been married six months or sixty years, every marriage can use a boost.Guess what? Dr. Gary Chapman [ Building Relationships With Dr. Gary Chapman Saturdays at 1pm on Moody Radio Florida ] is back in the neighborhood! It’s the super popular 5 Love Languages One-Day Conference coming up Saturday February 1st in Fort Myers. But wait...there’s more! It’s the 5 Love Languages Date Night on Sunday the 2nd in Brooksville! Gary dropped by to chat about what you can expect and.. no doubt.. some other cool stuff too!
Learn more, and enter to win a couple's registration:
The 5 Love Languages Marriage Conference | Moody Radio Florida
Kurt and Kate mornings. Not just on the radio.
It's a podcast, too.
Whether you've been married six months or 60 years, every marriage could use a boost. And guess what? Her good friend, Doctor Gary Chapman is going to be back in the neighborhood. He's got the five Love Languages one day conference coming up on February 1st. That's a Saturday in Fort Myers. The next day he's got a date night event in Brooksville, and we invited him to kind of hang out with us and chat about, well, what people can expect, you.
Know, and he just has such a great outlook on relationships that it's it's not a burden to listen to him. It's really a joy.
The one day five Love Languages marriage conference that's going to be happening in Fort Myers on Saturday, February 1st. So it's like a one day event. And there's how do you pack all this into a one day event? There's a lot of stuff you guys talk about.
Well, you're right, you're right. We go from 9:00 in the morning till 330 in the afternoon. We have five sessions, and they're not all on the love languages. One of them does touch on the love languages, to be sure, but we deal with have a whole session just on communication, you know, how do we talk and listen? And especially how do we solve conflicts without arguing with each other? You know, man, I wish I'd have known something about that in the early days of my marriage because we ended up arguing with each other, you know? So, anyway, uh, have that session and then, yes, there is a session on the love languages and, uh, have a session then that deals with, uh, making sex a mutual joy, which many couples struggle in that area of their marriage and all can find improvement in that area. And then we have a session on, you know, if you really wanted to have a better marriage, where would you start? What are the beginning steps that you take, you know, and then talk about how to share the things that just irritates you. You know, I think.
That's my probably my favorite one. And that's also the one where you can step on maybe 1 or 2 landmines.
Yeah, absolutely. So anyway, it's very practical, you know, very biblical, very practical. And, uh, I encourage couples to come not only for their own benefit, but to pick up ideas that they can use in talking to their friends and helping their friends. You know, everybody can use help in marriage. And so we encourage, in fact, we even have a lot of singles who who come to this conference because they say, you know, with all that we see going on in marriages, we just want to learn how to have a good marriage if we ever get married.
Right on. See, that's that's working ahead of the curve, which is really that's wisdom right there. There's no doubt about it. What do you say to, uh. Well, you know, and I'd be kind of encapsulated so much with that. But we have folks who, um, Obviously are different in different seasons of marriage. You know, some some are going through just a really, really difficult time. Others are just looking for a tune up when it comes to to growing in their, their relationship. You know, I've always felt, Gary, that if you're not progressing then you're regressing, whatever that may be. And I think that does apply to to marriage. Would you agree with that?
I fully agree with that. I think marriages are either getting better or they're getting worse. They don't stand still. And I encourage couples to go to something every year on marriage. It may be a class in your church, or it may be a one day conference like this, but every year, go to something. Let's keep our marriages growing. And incidentally, we have couples of all ages who come to the conference. That's very exciting. We have newly married, and we have couples who've been married for 30, 40 and 50 years because they realize, yeah, we can still grow. It can still it can get better. Yeah.
Unfortunately, sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better. That's another rule of thumb sometimes. What do you say to those folks who are like, well, I want to go, but I'm not sure my husband or my wife will go. And they're thinking, well, I don't want to drag them there, you know, because that's kind of counterproductive. What would you say to that person?
Well, I would say, how about this? You know, honey, I've heard about this conference and heard about this, and maybe you've even heard the term yourself. The five love languages. Well, this guy is giving a conference, and I'd really like to go. And I know you may not be real excited about it, but I'm just wondering, would you go with me, at least for the first session? And if you don't like it, then you can leave, and I'll just stay. You know, chances are he sees how serious you are. He'll probably go with you. That's a.
Great idea.
And he comes to the first session. I'm pretty sure he'll stay for the rest of the to the conference.
That's because, I mean, Gary, I'm not just trying to puff you up, but you have such a winsome personality. It's not just the material you share. It's the way you share it. And you just, I don't know, just hanging out with you. I feel like I'm a better person, and I just. That's why I want you to be with us every single day on the show. We need all the help we can get. But, yeah, Gary makes, uh, makes all the difference in the world. You know, when he presents stuff, it's just fun. I mean, he's just like he is when he joined us here on the show.
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Hey Gary, let's talk about the date night event as well. How is that different from the one day marriage conference?
Well, the date night I deal with only two topics. One, how do we meet each other's need for love effectively after we After we come down off the high of being in love. That obviously is when I share the five love languages. But the second essential to having long term healthy marriages is dealing effectively with our failures, which involves apologizing and forgiving. And I deal with that topic because what one person considers to be a sincere apology is not what another person considers to be a sincere apology. So the guy says, I'm sorry, and she's thinking, you certainly are. Is there anything else you'd like to say? He thinks he's apologizing. She thinks he's giving a character report.
Mhm. Yes. I see where you're headed with that session.
I share the five apology languages, five different ways that people apologize. And your spouse likely has a different idea of what a sincere apology looks like. And so learning that can really, really help marriages because all of us fail from time to time. There are no perfect individuals. You don't have to be perfect to have a good marriage. But we do have to deal with our failures because the failure puts an emotional barrier between the two of us. That does not go away with the passing of time. It only goes away when we're willing to confess our failure and our spouse chooses to forgive us.
So do you know what? When we have a close walk with Jesus, I'm the king of the obvious, as always. But when we have a close walk with Jesus that spills out into every aspect of our lives, and maybe the place we see it the most could be in our relationships. And you know, we were talking, Gary on the show yesterday about the sin of pride and and how we we need to pursue humility. And if we preach the gospel to ourselves every day, and we're honest with that dialogue that we have with ourselves. You know, I am a sinner in need of a Savior. And because I've been forgiven so much, I need to be forgiving to, you know, of other people. And it starts right at home. And so that that essence of humility, it comes out of our walk with Jesus, doesn't it?
Absolutely. You know, in John 15 verse five, Jesus said, I am the vine, you are the branches. You stay connected to me. You bear much fruit. And then he says, without me you can do nothing. Wow. I remember when that first hit me. You know, we we need outside help. Every one of us. Yeah. Christ is our example. We want to be loving and caring and all of that. But we can't just make that happen. We need God's help. But the fact is, his help is available. As his children, We simply ask him, you know. And when we do fail, we say, oh, God, you know, we run to God with confession. He forgives our sins. We go to the person we sinned against and we apologize. And hopefully they will. If they're believers, they're compelled to forgive us because they've been forgiven. So yeah, that whole issue of apology and forgiveness is a huge issue in marriage and really in any other relationship.
If you think about the kinds of folks who may be joining us this morning. We never know. I mean, God only knows what people are dealing with, but I don't know. I'm kind of getting a maybe a check in my spirit here this morning, Gary, that we might have some we might have some folks listening today who are in a spiritually mismatched marriage and they're like, I know, you know. And who knows what led them there? Maybe they were the husband and wife who were not believers. And then maybe the wife became a believer in Christ. The husband did, whatever the case may be. Or maybe they made a decision to marry someone who is is not a believer, which, by the way, unequally yoked is is never a good idea. But here they are today. They're listening to our conversation in real time, and they are so concerned about their marriage because their husband or wife is not a believer. And maybe they've tried to plant some seeds, maybe they've used some not so subtle hints to try to nudge them along. Maybe they've maybe, I don't know, maybe used a guilt. They've tried all these tools. They've, you know, with the essence, their heart is that they really want their husband or their wife to come to the Lord, to come to know the Lord. And then they're dealing with envy because they go to church and they see other couples who are believers, and, and the enemy can kind of get in there and mess with their, their head. Regarding this, would you speak to those people who People who may be joining us here this morning and maybe give some give some encouragement and maybe some ideas of how they can they can process all of this. And, um, you know, because it's a real quandary for so many people.
Yeah. You're right. I think the first thing I would say to that person, if I were just sitting down talking with them, is you are where you are. You know, we have to start with where we are, and we can look back and regret that we got married. We can have all kind of other things going through our mind, but we are where we are. And if you're a Christian and married to a non-Christian, God loves your spouse. Probably. Well, I won't say probably he loves your spouse more than you do. Yeah. And so it's the love of God that draws people to Christ. And God works through people. So I would say, rather than try and Try and persuade them, you know, to go to church with you or, you know, I would just say, love them in their love language and do it on a regular basis and tell them how much you love them, but also learn what makes them really feel love. Learn their love language. Speak it to them on a regular basis, and in the meantime, pray that God will work in their heart and in their mind and use whatever means he wants to use to draw them to himself. Because, you know, the Bible says, we love God because God first loved us. So we demonstrate the love of God to our spouse by loving them with the right love language consistently, and then praying for God to do the work in their heart. And when they begin to see that we love them unconditionally, we're an instrument in the hand of God for drawing them to himself. So those would be my be my suggestions. Now, obviously there there can be conversations and other things as time goes on and they begin to warm up and ask you questions about it, and periodically you can ask them if they would go to church with you. Maybe there's a special event or something, or maybe one of the children's program at church. Honey, would you would you go with me? Because our kids are going to be singing. So, you know, there's certainly a place for that as well. But if it's if it's not, the foundation is not. You're loving them on a regular basis, then you're missing out on the most powerful influence you can have on the other person.
It's easy to give up, too, when you don't see results in a reasonable amount of time. Then suddenly you're like, gosh, it doesn't look like anything's changing.
Yeah. And let's realize that it takes time for people to respond. But the more they see love, you see many, many times people who are non-Christians have the idea that the church and God is just they're just against everything. just against everything. You don't do this and don't do that. And and and they're not interested in that. But everybody needs love. And when we demonstrate the love of God to an unlovely person, which is what God did for us, he loved us while we were sinners and sent Christ to die for us. When we demonstrate that kind of love to them, we have to realize, first of all, we can't convert people. We can't make people come to Christ. But we can be an influence, and we're either a negative influence or a positive influence. And loving them unconditionally in a way that's meaningful to them is a positive influence that God can use.
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