Mornings, not just on the radio.

Mornings, not just on the radio.

It's a podcast, too. Do you come from a yelling family? Did you create a yelling family? Well, Laurie Hatcher, who's an award winning author, she wrote an article, confessions of a Chronic Yeller, and we talk about all the things that could mean in the future. Some families seem to be yellers and some not so much. But you came from a beautiful yelling family.

It's a podcast, too. Do you come from a yelling family? Did you create a yelling family? Well, Laurie Hatcher, who's an award winning author, she wrote an article, confessions of a Chronic Yeller, and we talk about all the things that could mean in the future. Some families seem to be yellers and some not so much. But you came from a beautiful yelling family.

Well, I did not set out to be a yeller. In fact, there were many aspects of my childhood I vowed not to repeat in my own family, but yelling somehow didn't make the list. I was Portuguese, Italian after all. Portuguese Italians had dark hair, ate pasta and yelled, yeah.

Well, I did not set out to be a yeller. In fact, there were many aspects of my childhood I vowed not to repeat in my own family, but yelling somehow didn't make the list. I was Portuguese, Italian after all. Portuguese Italians had dark hair, ate pasta and yelled, yeah.

It's it's cultural sometimes. But what? You know, I wonder, you know, I'm wondering, not coming from a yelling family. If I were to argue with you. If I was a natural yeller, if it wouldn't turn into more of a brawl, you know. Is that how that happens? That you might be talking about just anything and it becomes a yelling feast?

It's it's cultural sometimes. But what? You know, I wonder, you know, I'm wondering, not coming from a yelling family. If I were to argue with you. If I was a natural yeller, if it wouldn't turn into more of a brawl, you know. Is that how that happens? That you might be talking about just anything and it becomes a yelling feast?

Ah, yelling seem to be the outcome of frustration, usually, like my sisters. And I knew our mom was serious only if she yelled. And that's that's really sad. But like, she'd tell us to do something and we'd ignore her. A few minutes later she'd tell us again, only louder. And finally, when she came to the end of her patience, she'd yell at the top of her voice and we'd respond. We knew when mom got to the upper octaves, she was serious.

Ah, yelling seem to be the outcome of frustration, usually, like my sisters. And I knew our mom was serious only if she yelled. And that's that's really sad. But like, she'd tell us to do something and we'd ignore her. A few minutes later she'd tell us again, only louder. And finally, when she came to the end of her patience, she'd yell at the top of her voice and we'd respond. We knew when mom got to the upper octaves, she was serious.

Is that a consequence of yelling, though, that if you yell about everything, it's like I was highlighting a book one day and my friend said, you know, if you highlight everything, you're highlighting nothing. So if you're yelling all the time until you really have to, you know, break a blood vessel to make your point.

Is that a consequence of yelling, though, that if you yell about everything, it's like I was highlighting a book one day and my friend said, you know, if you highlight everything, you're highlighting nothing. So if you're yelling all the time until you really have to, you know, break a blood vessel to make your point.

Absolutely. And that was true in our household. Sad. Sadly, we pretty much knew we could ignore mom until she got to that range. And by then she was worked up. And it was it was just not a healthy climate in in our growing up household. And it was one, sadly, that I brought into my own immediate family. I just figured it was part of my heritage. I mean, like, mom was a yeller. She was a Portuguese Italian yeller descended from a long line of Portuguese Italian young Yellers. Her mother yelled, her grandmother yelled, her great grandmother yelled. So I just assumed by default I would yell too. I was a 14th generation yeller, apparently.

Absolutely. And that was true in our household. Sad. Sadly, we pretty much knew we could ignore mom until she got to that range. And by then she was worked up. And it was it was just not a healthy climate in in our growing up household. And it was one, sadly, that I brought into my own immediate family. I just figured it was part of my heritage. I mean, like, mom was a yeller. She was a Portuguese Italian yeller descended from a long line of Portuguese Italian young Yellers. Her mother yelled, her grandmother yelled, her great grandmother yelled. So I just assumed by default I would yell too. I was a 14th generation yeller, apparently.

When did you really realize that your volume control problem was a problem?

When did you really realize that your volume control problem was a problem?

Well, it was several years after I became a Christian. Strange things start to happen when you surrender your life to Christ. Um, I had a. First of all, I had a desire to read the Bible every morning. I'd read a chapter or two, and I'd take notes on what I had read. And one day I was reading in the book of First Peter, and I read these words. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight. And in the quietness of that moment, I sensed God saying to me, you don't have a gentle and quiet spirit. You yell at your kids. And on really bad days I yelled at my husband. been. Well, of course I do. You know, you have these conversations with the Holy Spirit. I'm Portuguese, Italian and Portuguese. Italians yell. But then the Holy Spirit responded. But you're also a Christian, and Christians don't yell.

Well, it was several years after I became a Christian. Strange things start to happen when you surrender your life to Christ. Um, I had a. First of all, I had a desire to read the Bible every morning. I'd read a chapter or two, and I'd take notes on what I had read. And one day I was reading in the book of First Peter, and I read these words. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight. And in the quietness of that moment, I sensed God saying to me, you don't have a gentle and quiet spirit. You yell at your kids. And on really bad days I yelled at my husband. been. Well, of course I do. You know, you have these conversations with the Holy Spirit. I'm Portuguese, Italian and Portuguese. Italians yell. But then the Holy Spirit responded. But you're also a Christian, and Christians don't yell.

Well, now, you shared that with your family. To breaking these generational things or these terrible strong habits is difficult. But you. I think you did the right and brave thing. You talk to your kids about it.

Well, now, you shared that with your family. To breaking these generational things or these terrible strong habits is difficult. But you. I think you did the right and brave thing. You talk to your kids about it.

Yeah. Um, the first thing I had to do was talk to God and finish that conversation. And thankfully, I had memorized one of the first verses I memorized was first John one nine. If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So I was, I was I mean, I was wrecked. I mean, I for in that moment I saw my sin as God saw it. and it broke my heart because I didn't. I didn't want to be a destructive force in my family. I wanted to have a gentle and quiet spirit. And so I confess to God, and I asked him to help me change. And part of that change was going to my family, because they were the ones that were the immediate recipients of of my frustration, my yelling, my anger. Um, and once I saw my sin through God's eyes, I was, I was I couldn't excuse it anymore. So I sat my kids down and they were fairly young at the time. And I said, girls, God has shown me something about myself that you probably already know. Mommy yells a lot and God wants me to stop and I need you to help me.

Yeah. Um, the first thing I had to do was talk to God and finish that conversation. And thankfully, I had memorized one of the first verses I memorized was first John one nine. If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So I was, I was I mean, I was wrecked. I mean, I for in that moment I saw my sin as God saw it. and it broke my heart because I didn't. I didn't want to be a destructive force in my family. I wanted to have a gentle and quiet spirit. And so I confess to God, and I asked him to help me change. And part of that change was going to my family, because they were the ones that were the immediate recipients of of my frustration, my yelling, my anger. Um, and once I saw my sin through God's eyes, I was, I was I couldn't excuse it anymore. So I sat my kids down and they were fairly young at the time. And I said, girls, God has shown me something about myself that you probably already know. Mommy yells a lot and God wants me to stop and I need you to help me.

Wow. That's great. You know, and I've heard from so many experts over the years that if you break in when the kids are young and just this kind of dialogue, that it's going to really make a difference in the future when they have to talk to you about things that might be uncomfortable. Did you find that occurred with you?

Wow. That's great. You know, and I've heard from so many experts over the years that if you break in when the kids are young and just this kind of dialogue, that it's going to really make a difference in the future when they have to talk to you about things that might be uncomfortable. Did you find that occurred with you?

I think they were somewhat shocked about the the the thought that, uh, God had told mommy something that she needed to take care of. Hopefully it modeled for them being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. And then what do we do about it? But but I realized that part of the conflict that we continue to have in our home was really partially my fault, because just like my mother before me had trained us not to respond until she reached a certain octave. That's what my that's what I was training my girls to do, that they didn't have to respond the first time I said something because there were no consequences to that. So I, I asked them, from now on, when I ask you to do something, I expect you to obey. Not the second time, not the third time, the first time. And if you hear me yell, I give you permission to remind me that God doesn't want mommy to yell anymore.

I think they were somewhat shocked about the the the thought that, uh, God had told mommy something that she needed to take care of. Hopefully it modeled for them being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. And then what do we do about it? But but I realized that part of the conflict that we continue to have in our home was really partially my fault, because just like my mother before me had trained us not to respond until she reached a certain octave. That's what my that's what I was training my girls to do, that they didn't have to respond the first time I said something because there were no consequences to that. So I, I asked them, from now on, when I ask you to do something, I expect you to obey. Not the second time, not the third time, the first time. And if you hear me yell, I give you permission to remind me that God doesn't want mommy to yell anymore.

I'm thinking of yelling. It's the habit of the mouth, but the mouth. What we can say even though I don't yell, I could say terrible things. And I don't just mean words that we shouldn't be speaking, but, you know, harsh criticism. Even if it's true. Not constructive though, but you know, we can just do terrible things with our mouths. What have you found that this has helped you not do that as well?

I'm thinking of yelling. It's the habit of the mouth, but the mouth. What we can say even though I don't yell, I could say terrible things. And I don't just mean words that we shouldn't be speaking, but, you know, harsh criticism. Even if it's true. Not constructive though, but you know, we can just do terrible things with our mouths. What have you found that this has helped you not do that as well?

Oh my goodness. If you spend any time in the book of James, you understand, as he said that the tongue is a deadly fire. It can set on fire a world of trouble. And so if we can control our tongue, the book of James tells us, then we can control our whole bodies. That is the the, the key point of victory, I think, is learning to restrain our words and ultimately restraining our thoughts. Because out of the issues of the heart, the mouth speaks. So my yelling revealed impatience, anger, frustration, all those ugly things that were in my heart just happened to come out of my mouth.

Oh my goodness. If you spend any time in the book of James, you understand, as he said that the tongue is a deadly fire. It can set on fire a world of trouble. And so if we can control our tongue, the book of James tells us, then we can control our whole bodies. That is the the, the key point of victory, I think, is learning to restrain our words and ultimately restraining our thoughts. Because out of the issues of the heart, the mouth speaks. So my yelling revealed impatience, anger, frustration, all those ugly things that were in my heart just happened to come out of my mouth.

It's not just volume, is it? It's attitude.

It's not just volume, is it? It's attitude.

Absolutely. It really is.

Absolutely. It really is.

An expression of our our hearts. What what is in our hearts comes out of our mouths eventually.

An expression of our our hearts. What what is in our hearts comes out of our mouths eventually.

Thanks for listening to Kurt and Kate Mornings podcast. Please take a minute to follow, subscribe and review us. And no matter where in the world you are, you can listen to us live from 6 to 9 a.m. weekdays on the Moody Radio app.

Thanks for listening to Kurt and Kate Mornings podcast. Please take a minute to follow, subscribe and review us. And no matter where in the world you are, you can listen to us live from 6 to 9 a.m. weekdays on the Moody Radio app.