In this episode I get into bids for connection, the Gottman Institute's term for the small moments when your partner reaches out to you, and why how often you turn towards them is one of the biggest predictors of whether a couple stays together or gets divorced. I go through the newlywed research that followed couples for six years and sorted them into masters and disasters, and the part that actually matters, which is not catching every bid but going back to repair the ones you miss. I talk about the emotional bank account, Alexis Fernandez's tennis ball, the bird theory trend and Robert Irwin's answer to it, and why the phone is the biggest killer of all of it. I go into the year I spent making big grand gestures while missing the small ones, and what changed in the two weeks before I recorded this.

This one was made with Denza. We packed the B5, drove up into the hinterland and set camp for the night, and that is where the episode was recorded. The cooler in the centre console kept the sandwiches cold on the way up, the boot is spacious and fits everything we need and this car is just such a pleasure to drive. Thanks DENZA Gold Coast.

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#186 Alexis Fernandez The Neuroscience of Connection, Creativity & Heartbreak: 
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The conversation this whole episode came out of, and where the tennis ball comes from.

#190 The Psychology of Monotasking: Why Being Bored Makes You More Creative: 
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The companion to the phone half of this one.

How to Help People Feel Comfortable | Episode 179: 
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The instinct I did not have a name for until this one.

#146 Harry Garside: Masculinity, Vulnerability & Boxing: 
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