Hoda Kotb

Published Jun 8, 2023, 4:00 AM

When you’re a TV host, you're always telling other people's stories. But when that host is Hoda Kotb she actually has a slew of amazing stories of her own that need to be told! Adoption, divorce, cancer, and finding the things in life that make you happy. 

I love Hotacopy so much. I've known her forever. She is a broadcast journalist, a television personality, and an author. Hoda joined NBC in nineteen ninety eight as a correspondent, which has now led her in her role as a main co anchor of NBC's Today Show and co host of its entertainment focused Fourth Hour. Ho To takes pride in being a mother to her two beautiful daughters. We're live from thirty Rock. This is just be with Hotacopy. Let's get into it. So I'm very excited live for Hoda. Yeah, let's get into it.

Okay, Okay, Hoda.

You're not doing the interviewing today, are you sure?

Yes?

I want you to say something. Watch me because I'm good at switching it around.

And you decent. You have some experience. Okay, So when did we first? Mean? How long ago do we meet? I think I did a segment with you. I think that's the first time.

I think the very first time you were on the Today Show was that when.

You and Martha Stewart refuding? Or was it before that?

Wow? That's a good Why was I on when we were fused?

I just remember that you were the thing you became the thing. In the very beginning, I knew you were scared, which I when I think of you now, I think of you as this ball of confidence, just like ruling the world. But I do remember when you were just coming into the Today Show, and I cannot remember the date, but I do remember the feeling. It was like you wanted everything to be just right.

I did have index cards and I came in and we were doing a food segment about like your food personality. We went down that same swervy line we went down today weird like ye did snake tables, so like, and let's move next to the next station. But I'm trying to think about where you were in your life now, because back then I thought of you in a similar way that I do now, Like your hoe A copy. You know, you're a big deal, and you've evolved so much in your career. So where that was, Let's say that was like fifteen years ago, I want to say, because I didn't have we didn't have children, I didn't have Britain. You came out to the Hamptons. I have pictures of.

Us, yes, pattle baby beach, yes.

And we went on my beach and we had all these conversations and we listened to Bruno Mars. It was when one of his first albums came out, and we were just like free in a different way.

Imber I the feeling of no kids, no worries, no nothing, you don't even know.

That you're free.

But I think I was always so fascinated by you, and I think it was because I had never met anyone who was fearless. I don't think i'd ever spoken to anyone who, to me, felt fearless. And you always had this thing. And I remember thinking to myself, I don't know if that's confidence. I don't know what it is, but you were yourself. And I think as women and me personally, it takes so long to find your voice, to say what you want to say, to come out with it.

You know.

But why why do you think I'm trying to think about? I think I watch people turn themselves inside out to be something that they're not, and it seems so much more exhausting. So why, Like I was watching the Mary Tyler Moore you saw the documentary, I'm sure, and I probably thought so much about a man career, life and feminism. So why do you think women aren't just able to be themselves. You think they don't know who they are yet, or they're trying to be what everyone else wants them to be because of the construct.

I think it is like innately I was and no longer, but I was a pleaser, like I wanted to be liked, and I thought that made life so much easier. And to say something brave, to say I don't like that, or to speak up takes a lot of courage. And I sat quietly through most of my career and may aid much less than my co anchor much less, probably half if that.

And you knew that, And there are times when I.

Knew it, And what did you feel every day about it? What did you or did you think that's just the way it was?

That I kind of thought it was the way it was, but I was all. I also tried really hard not to think about it, because I think you would start resenting You're like, but wait, I work longer hours, I do more, And I think it took me until I'm not kidding, probably like ten years ago, ten years ago, to finally say uncle, like that's enough, I'm going to get I'm going to get what I deserve to get paid, but I think I always felt lucky to be in the room.

Like, oh, by the way, I was going to say that hat Listen, I got my first season with seven tho twohundred fifty dollars on the house was but you.

Wait, wait, seven thousand was your first.

Hundred fifty dollars for the first season. But I didn't care because I want I was good. Let me have the back end. Like in my mind, I'm saying, don't you think that maybe you felt really lucky to be in the room, and then you later thought you had leverage, like you start to think like I'm smart, I know when I can when my call, when I have a good hand.

It took me a long time to realize that because when you work with iconic people, you always feel less than I think, like I worked with Kathy Lee, and that's like.

Sitting next to a legend.

Sorry, you can't even believe that you got the seat.

The dynamic was set up in the beginning. It's the way it is with a parent, like sometimes a parent or a teacher or somebody who it's me and Martha Stewart. Frankly, yeah, if I would have to fight the urge to to not to feel like to cower, but then to overcome it by somehow being stronger. And it's this whole dynamic and dynamics are set up in our child.

Well, yeah, and I think with cath and I remember this really well. I was hosting with Natalie Morales and Ann Curry. It was the three of us. That's how that hour started. And we were hosting together. And one day they were both out sick, and Amy Rosenblum and I were in a restaurant. We were at Michael's and we walked by and we're like, is that Kathy Lake get heard at the table over there? Oh my god, it's Kathy Lee. Amy was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go over it.

Let's go over.

We love you and we love you.

And she was like, oh thank you.

And Amy goes, can you co host?

Are you free one day? And she said, I'm very busy. I don't know if I can.

Amy just said one day, and I just I met her. I just watched her with reg like we did. We're like, oh no. So the next a week later, she came on the show.

Her boobs were out, her cleavage was out, she.

Was running around, she had that big hair, and she was just delighting everybody.

And I was mesmerized.

I was like, who is this force of freaking nature?

Really?

The energy she blew the place up so much so that the that the big guns from thirty Rock came over all the execs, well, Kathy Loo you know and all that, and a little while later they were like, we want her to host.

Oh my god.

And so they originally they said, okay, you'll host, Kathy Lil host, and then we'll bring in some buddy.

We'll see who to host with.

And she said, Kathie Lee said, after our one hosting day, she said, if it's not Hoda, I'm not going to do it.

Oh well, that's the beginning of some leverage there.

So she also chose me.

So when someone chooses you too, like she chose me, and I am like forever grateful. I still remember going out to her house and I was talking to Frank, her husband, Frank Gifford at the time, and I mean, and he said, I'm going to tell you how this is going to work, if this is going to work for you and my wife, And I.

Said, okay, because I'm all yours.

And he said, you have to trust someone to catch you when you fall. And she's the most trustworthy person I've ever.

Known in my life.

Wow, that's so deep.

And if you are like that at all, it will work because she'll catch you. And you know what she did. Wow, over and over again. And I think when you work with someone like that and all of a sudden you feel safe. I think about when you feel safe.

I know that's so yea, that is so mad is so I didn't know that it's so powerful. Wow, wow, And I see, I just see this. So I remember when we were sitting in the Hantons and you had been married prior, and you had been through health issues and like I don't want to say you were you were pleasing. You were very pleasing. And I can now that I were deconstructing this, see that, Like I remember you always it seemed you told me that Ann Curry told you one person at a time. I always remember that like that, that you shake one hand at a time, you connect with one person at a time, and have always seen you. Yeah, Like I wish I had more of that because I'm moving so quickly and you always stop and connect and it's really and I do believe you can build a whole career and life off of that. And but maybe back then you were giving more than you were even giving yourself. I do really remember that, the energy about it.

I remembered.

I mean, I was when we knew each other. I was back then, I was sick with breast cancer and I was going through or had just been through a divorce. And I remembered thinking because he wasn't there when I was sick, and that was very it was just like piercing to me. But I remembered in that moment thinking to myself, like I might had I not gotten sick, I might have stayed.

With him, and that would not have been the right decision to.

Make, because I think I saw myself as an optimist, and I thought that was a good thing. Optimists make things work, Optimists get things done. Optimists will put a circle in a square.

We'll solve the problem. But you're not. It's not about how you feel you're going to fix this.

I can do it. I can do it nowhere. I'm not a quitter.

I'm not a quar It's like, dude, some things don't work, and that doesn't make you not optimistic. It just makes you realize something isn't right.

Well, be happy works, Yeah, you know what I mean. Being happy works. And I think I see you you really really have embraced parenthood, like you understand the gift that it is. Like that's when you really realize what love really is. I'm gonna cry. And then I think that you, like me, I wanted to sort of be saved by some man. You're gonna be some like great guy who had everything going for you for them, and I was kind of going to complete you like Renee Zelweger. And I feel like motherhood really did that for you, Like you don't feel the same quote unquote need to meet someone. Back then, it might have been a need. Now it's a one.

Yeah, that's that's exactly it. That's exactly it.

I think, I think motherhood and you know with Brinn, just what it feels like every day. I mean, my God beyond.

But I think when you.

Realize that that wasn't meant for you, or you think that at least initially, it's a terrifying part of life because you have to face it. And I remembered never saying out loud that I wanted kids, never because it was too late. So for girls who it's too late for, you don't say it because if you say it, you're expressing something that you're never going to get. It's like saying I'm gonna be an astronaut. It's like you're never It's never gonna happen. And I still remember this day like it was yesterday. I was walking through the Hamptons with my friend Jen and she just casually said, well, we never wanted kids, and I stopped and I looked at her and I go, I actually did. And she goes, you never said that, and I said, because it can't be so I'm not. I'm just I've just said it. And I couldn't believe I said it out loud. And all of a sudden, when you say something out loud.

You put it into the universe. Yes, you put it out there.

And then everywhere I looked I saw a sign that it was possible. I saw an interview that Sandra Bullock did. She was like, oh, when I was, you know, fifty, I decided I was going to I was like, you can do that.

Look at that. And then I saw this scene.

This was a horrible scene. It was from like Syria or some war torn area, and there was a little boy and I still remember him. He was like dusk and it was all by himself, and I was like, maybe there's a kid who needs me. Like I thought that too, and I was like I saw that kid, and I was like that child, you know, I don't know it, you know, if it's possible. And then all of a sudden, I just kept everything. It's like when you want to buy a red car and all you see red cars, and it's like that's all I could see, and so.

Well, then you kick in. Then you're good at that. Now you can yes, once you had a problem to solve, that's not the problem. Just accepting, accepting it, do it.

And I still remember the moment because I filled out all the paperwork and did all the stuff that you do, and then they're like, okay, maybe a year, maybe six months, maybe five years, good luck, bye bye. And I was sitting in my office where we just were, and I remember, like it was yesterday. I was sitting there and I was doing some phone call with some nutritionness about something, and I just remember it was just you know, babbling on and on, and my phone beeped and I looked at it and it was a text and it was it said Ashley, and Ashley was the lady from my adoption agents, and she said if I ever text you, you need to call me back immediately. I saw her name. I hung up the phone. I took a yellow pad out. I looked at the clock and I wrote eleven fifty five. Oh my god, I said, this is the moment everything changes. I knew it, and so I took a deep breath.

The number I go, I said, Ashley, and she goes. She said two words to me, she said, she's here. I know.

I was weeping, and I thought to myself, in that moment, she's here.

I don't know what birth feels like, and I bet it was amazing. But this was really close. And I remember the feeling like like it was yesterday.

I love you, Oh my god, I really feel you, like my bones. Because it was also a release for you. Yeah, like it was a loud Yeah.

It was amazing.

Anyway, so it came, it happened anyway, but that but like to understand that, like, so it's sort of like it reminded me that if you ever have a dream or whatever it is, maybe it's not for a kid. Maybe it's for something else, but it's like whisper it even in the mirror by yourself. It doesn't matter where you do it, to a friend, you know, somebody or nobody, or to yourself. But once it's out, it's out. And I can't even believe I'm sitting here now with a six year old and a.

Four year old. I have two children. Who are my kids?

I mean, I always said I wanted to be a teacher, but I think I really wanted to be a teacher because I wanted kids. Like I always said that when I'm done in NBC, I'm gonna be a teacher. And then one day I was like, I think being a teacher is amazing, but I think the need it was in need to do that because I couldn't get close enough. You know, Hey, guys, it's Hota Kopy from the Today Show. My podcast Making Space is full of conversations with spiritual leaders and teachers, people like Bayol La Davis, Why Nona Judd, Oprah Winfrey, Mel Robbins, and so many more.

Hear how they found the strength to make changes.

In their lives and how you could do it too. All of them inspire me today. Listen to all three seasons of Making Space with Koto Kape available now. Just search making Space wherever you're listening now.

And you have a very It's such a cliche thing to say, but you have a very normal life. Ironically, you really do. Like you love going to Rehoboth and you want to be in a family and going on the bar walk and people leave you alone, engage with you. But like you found the balance is the biggest joke of a question. But I think if you're present in each area of your life, you can accomplish this. I think it's entirely possible. Yes, And you're able to be so present here and then present there. You don't seem to feel the guilt.

Do you.

No, I don't, And I'll tell you My mom worked, so I don't. I mean she was a working mom, so she went to work, and I go to work, and I tell my kids I love work and I love you so much more. But I want them to find something they love. But I think what I do, what I try to do, is a real kind of be here now situation all the time, and I'm not always great at it, but I really try, because like yesterday. I mean, I had a horrible parenting day on Sunday. No one would go to sleep. I lost it. I lost it. It was not pretty right. I hated myself. I went to bed. You're the worst, You're the worst. You're the worst. And then the next day I woke up and I said, I wrote my little journal. I was like, Dear God, thank you for a brand new day, a day that will never come this way again, or redo, a chance for another try. And yet I couldn't shake it.

You know when you just can't shake it.

So I take the subway because I like the vibe. So I was on the subway and I had this weird epiphany and I was like, what if I was eighty years old? And I was told God said, you know what, you can come back for one day with your kids when they were little, and this is the day.

You get one day to.

Relive what it was like when your kids were little, and this is that day. So on the subway, my back got straight or I was like, this is I imagined it. I was like, this is the day.

I took a deep breath.

I went to pick both kids up from school. Hope he was telling me all about her day and why she loves her meat sticks or whatever she was eating, I can't remember. And then we rode to Haley school and Haley came running out and I was like, this is I get this day again?

Yeah?

And I think sometimes I, you know, like all of us, we get all buried in, you know, minutia and stuff, and stressful day at works means a stressful day at home.

And it doesn't.

Work when you're a little snappy, you're a little impatient.

And I need to be like that, and I feel like it's not me and I want to get rid of that part of me because when you wait so long for something, it's and you do and you and you have a bad day.

It's a bummer.

It is. But they're not made of glass. They're not made of glass there, you know what I mean? You could it's and they see they want to see flaws. You're not supposed to be perfect, you know what I mean. You're not supposed to be perfect at all my opinion, and I feel the same way. I think it's the presence because I've read a statistic about women in the fifties that spent they said they spent less time with kids than working moms now because it was smoking a cigaretteesrink the wine in the kitchen and let the kid run out free range parenting, running with the other chickens in the road. So like you didn't see until eight o'clock at night.

Do you know what I mean? Where do you get it now? It's so bizarre, you the funniest, So like they didn't.

So we're sting.

We're spending more time, and we're obsessed.

With everything being perfect and we're gonna you.

Know, I think we're messing them up. Like I think about this sometimes. Do you want the red pen of the purple pen? Do you want the blueberry or the raspberry?

Well, I'm not because I'm half a sea.

I'm not.

I'm I'm like tough titty, tough titty.

Were you ever like that? Did you ever say, Brent, would you like an apple or a pear?

No? No, I wasn't, but I wanted to. I always want to get her what she wants, and I want to mean she has a great life, and I go, but then there's the line, and when it bends, it bends. If it breaks, all how she knows, and I'll look at her and she'll be like, oh, now, screwed. Yeah, I have a line. I am strict, indulgent. There's a line and you cross it and everyone's Christmas is canceled, everyone's going home. So yeah, but you know what I mean. Like, but I think that the being present thing was the key I was on. You always get the same dumb question about the bell, and then one day I was like, oh, I'm here, and I like what you said. I love working, yeah, and I love being a parent. And if you're torn in both, than you really messed up. If you're on the Today's Show looking at your phone and worried or with your kid in the bathtub, and then you gotta.

Be you gotta be there. That is funny. So yeah, I didn't know you were such a strict parent.

I'm scary, you know what I mean, as you can imagine, Not not like I'm strict, but it's a little I'm a little scary. Like there's a line and we're all happy and everyone's having a good time, but when we crossed that line, no, thank you, that was unacceptable. Like there's a line.

You think when you think about some I'm not generalizing, but I do think some kids who were raised with the red pen, blue pen, purple you on a purple crayon.

And then you get into the workforce.

You mean like everybody gets in. Yeah, I'm not that parent.

Well, I think when those kids get into the workforce, it's hard because they're used to having choices and things. I feel like us were raised kind of more with animals.

Yeah, wolves, you know what I mean. It's like because I.

Said so, there's no I mean, I couldn't. I wasn't allow to yell or stomp up the stairs. I screamed into a pillow for years when I was a kid. You just couldn't let it out. It was like it dad, Now, that wasn't a great way to grow.

To No, you want to live in fear. However, my daughter doesn't really live in fear.

But however, you can navigate the world, and you can go to therapy as a grown up. But I think the kids who have a million choices sometimes I wonder if your job is to prepare them for adulthood and get them ready so for rejection and for no, you don't always get it.

Actually you're not gonna get it. You're no.

Well, that's why so many Harvard graduates don't find the great jobs because they were told their whole life, you're brilliant.

You're smart.

To going to Harvard, it's amazing, WinCE. Parents are impressed and then they get out and like life is tough no matter.

What school you are. Yeah, yeah, if you.

Didn't go, if you went, so I agree with you. Yeah no, I'm like she would you know, mommy, I'm not good at the sport or something, and I'll set her up to succeed. But if she's not practicing a lot, or if she's not doing well, I'll say, like, this person's great, like they are. You're great at something, You're not gonna be great at everything. And listen, you're not gonna be You might not be an NBA player. You should practice, feel good about yourself, build yourself up, set yourself to succeed. But it's okay you're not and not everybody to metal and that everyone hits a run, and I think it's great to let them. Yeah, No, totally important, and it's sometimes it is the tough shit program. You know, I'm very indulgent, but I think you're right with what you're saying. It's what you're saying is it's hard to raise a child when you've kind of paved the way for them a little bit financially, and the way that you travel and the things that you just naturally do. We get to do things that other kids and parents don't get to do. If it could be meeting Santa Claus without having to sit on the line or whatever the thing is. And I often think about that, like, she doesn't have the same struggles, right, and yet she's also not a nervous wreck half the time like I am. She's more free. So I think it goes both ways. You have to balance that. I think. So are you still as driven with work? Like what now? Because for me, I'm I don't want to say the back nine. That's depressing. But you know, I think about I feel sometimes retired, Like sometimes I don't have to do anything if I don't want. Most a lot of times I do think because I want to, but most of the time I don't really have to. And you work in a corporate environment.

You have.

Gone all the way up the chain and you still have, you know, people to answer to and laws to abide by in the workplace, and you have to play the game. You're still playing the corporate game. And you have a lot of freedom. So how do you stay motivated a to be here? And what does it all mean? Because as we get older, I think you're thinking, what am I doing?

What is this?

What we Why are we here? Why are we working? Why we're not working? What should we be doing? Is this purposeful?

I do think, I do think we all start to question, like our purpose, like why, because.

You're here for You're here for a reason, I mean.

And that's important. And sometimes I think I'm on the market. Sometimes I think I'm missing it. I think that made my The thing that made my career interesting and makes it interesting here is I don't think I've ever had the same job for that long a period of time. I mean long in regular people's but not in this world. So I worked a dateline for ten eleven years or whatever it was. That was a whole career in dateline. Then I got the job with kath So I worked with Kathy Lee on the ten.

For and that was risky. That was like, now we can think it's all fun and games, but that was risky. That's not a normal transition.

Well what was weird was, first of all, she chose me, and secondly, as you know what, I'd spent my whole career doing hard news, like I was in Afghanistan and I went to all to Iraq when this when Saddam Hussein statue fell, and I was in all the places, and we were in the West Bank and Gaza and they were shooting all over like all that stuff I was doing, and then all of a sudden, I was going to like this, laughing and scratching.

All of a sudden, you were doing Rose all day, like from Afghanistan to Rose all day, right.

And I wasn't sure, like when you do all that work pre game, is that the right path, because you don't know. But one thing I did know was when I sat with Kathy Lee, I was happy. And when I was in those scary places, I was putting a circle on a square. I was trying to be a war correspondent. I was trying to be the person who interviewed all these, you know, different kinds of people. I tried to sit across from people in Rikers Island who had you know, killed their whoever, and interviewed them. But deep down, I don't that was not hitting for me. I could do it, and I enjoyed human nature and why good for you?

Yeah, you also probably it was probably a little trapping. I mean the story you just told, I think you're a messenger. The story you told before about it just will inspire so many people about doing something that they thought didn't apply to them, but that they couldn't do it. Every day, you're you always have some pearl of wisdom or some message. You're very very strong messenger. And I feel like maybe reporting news with facts and details can probably be constricting and so serious that you have ah other part of you. It's not an easy transition to make because you probably thought, am I going to be taken seriously? I tried to go in the other direction. I've tried to be the person on train Wreck television and then rinse with your technique that you taught us on television, soap and water to wash dishes. So I tried to then rinse my own career and be taken seriously with business. And you know, and it's not that easy. That's different.

It's hard. It's hard both ways.

Yeah, you tried to fall up. You tried to fuck up a whole wet dream is what you tried to do. You were like, I have a very serious career. I've taken serious. I'm doing hard news, or I could sit down and do cheese and wine with Kathy two literally.

Did I realized that when you're happy, everything in life is better. And all of a sudden, I felt like I'd been swimming upstream my whole life, and suddenly I was riding a wave. And I didn't even know what riding away felt like. I thought life was always swimming upstream. I thought it was supposed to be a struggle. I thought I was supposed to have notts in my stomach. I thought it was supposed to be scared.

Am I going to do it?

I thought I was always supposed to feel that way, because when you do something that's meaningful, it must be hard.

Well that's not true.

Right, No, that's not true. And also I feel like this place because we're here at NBC, I think this place has allowed you to be a Swiss army knife, Like they need you to report on something very seriously. You're here, do it like you have every single you can do a cooking segment, you could talk to Jenna, you could talk about serious medical issues, talk about it. I mean, that's like you've been an amazing asset and they've allowed you to. That's pretty you know, I.

Think because my career kept changing.

So then after Kathy Lee, that was when everything happened here with Matt and then I ended up doing anchoring with Savannah and that's been a whole new I think we've been five years, is that right? So that's only been augh that's been five So when you think about it, each chapter has been different, and I think that's why it's still It's always.

Been fun for me.

It felt like you're on a new show, like.

Oh, what's this show?

Oh?

Because being you know, being on the seven is a whole different ballgame, and it has its heavy stuff because you're setting the tone for the day. But you get to you know, all the A listers love to be on the eight and it's fun to sit with them and you get you get a good mix and Jenna and I it's a much looser vibe and a hole just to hang.

So that's different. So I think I think it's.

Felt that way, but I do I do want to make sure that in my life, Like I feel like there's a really good saying if you have a little, give a little, and if you have a lot give a lot, like you have to, you have to walk the walk, and it's not you know, the idea of having something bigger, having something more is not appealing to.

Me at all. I don't want anything more than what I have.

I love that nobody has anything that you want.

Yeah, that's how I feel exactly.

I feel exactly you. It's what you're you're doing, what you want or what feels added.

But like you that I like it right, and I don't. It's like that analogy of you know, how some people like I was. There's this story of a little kid who's running down the street and he's having so much fun. He's on the sidewalk and he's running and he's like, this is the best. Look how fast I'm running. And he looks over at the sidewalk on the other side the street and there's another kid running, and all of a sudden he realizes they're kind of racing, and he's like, oh, I gotta keep And then all of a sudden, it went from this blissful, beautiful moment to now this kid's faster. So he hangs he stops and he hangs his head. I'm slow, I'm no good A run your race, like stop looking at the kid on the other side of the sidewalk.

And I feel that way about life.

It's like you walk into Howard Stearn's house and it's so fancy and you say, oh god, why don't I have Italian marble? No, like, that's not it. And then what like you're insatiable. You'll have your whole life going do they have copper piping at their house?

But it's great to not have that, to just not want care.

I know, I know who cares.

I don't people care deeply? Why because it's the scoreboard and it's Cora, that's what. But by the way, that's what all. That's what. That's what these shows are like it's called it doesn't I just said it today. It doesn't matter if you actually have money. It just matters if you look like it. And these are scorecards. And and you've loved, longed for being a mother and been through medical challenges and I think you just have a different perspective. And that's not you realize that it's fool's gold. There's no they're there. You're never gonna get there. Yeah.

No, it's like the its you can't scratch enjoy like life is going to be like that. And they always say, like, the happiest people are the people who make enough money to pay their bills and go on to vacations a year. If you make less, it's horrible and miserable, and if you make more, you're always preoccupied with some bs. I still remember we got some weird ac thing in our apartment and it was like on the phone, and so it wasn't working. So what happened for forty five minutes? Why isn't the thing working on the wall from my phone?

Think? Why did I even have that?

Right?

Stop getting things that are making you spend more time taking care of those things.

Yes, it's like have less, it's owning you.

Yes, that's what I feel like.

It's sometimes some things are dinky, small like that, and some things are big.

You know. It's like someone complaining they got to the car. Can you believe what happened in my car? It's like, don't tell me, right, I don't care about your flat tire? Right right?

Yes, yes, I really really do get because I feel like I still do. You remember what it was like to be really broke, Like it's nervous. It's not that far away. It's not that it's not that far away. And I can't even believe. I remember when I couldn't take a taxi from uptown to downtown, Like I was the one that was walking, and it was like my great fitness because I'd be doing with the twenty blocks is a mile and at night it was didn't feel as safe to be taking the train, so I'd try to walk or go to dinner early. And sometimes you have to take a taxi and it was sixty second Street to get down to West Broadway. It was like twenty six dollars. And I tell you that was like there was no way you were just doing it on your credit card. I'd always get in sufficient funds and then it's like a domino effect. Then you get the other funds and then you bounce all the checks and begging on the phone and mad at that person for not giving you a refund. And I if you have that feeling inside I have, I will always have a little noise about it, Like I still can't believe that's the only thing I have imposter syndrome, But I can't believe I could pet I don't get I get to I want to do that, so I get to do that. What do you mean I want to eat that? So I get to like I get to go today to seven cookie places and like do a cookie crawl, and like I can afford to buy the chocolate cookies. I know it sounds crazy. It's not the big stuff, it's not the house. I can't believe I could buy like a bunch of chocolate and cookies for everybody today, Like it sounds ridiculous, but that's because it's not that long ago. And I like that I have that because it does make you realize the value and also makes you a good tipper because you know, because you know that that person that that money, Yeah, the ten dollars on the ten dollars cookie things today like ment everything, everything to that.

I remember I used to work at Ponderosa and I still remember you. You'd work your tail off and they'd get and some people wouldn't tip at all, and you were like, I cannot believe this tip man. I mean, that's one of my big, big big pep peepig saying yeah that that that tells you everything about a person.

I know it's not fair that it's like a lottery, that it's like a lottery, they get good or a bad tip for a kid.

I'll tell you later.

I have a whole different app for that because I thought there has to be a way.

Who cares, No I do. It's another idea that you're gonna have.

It's gonna yeah, we need any more ideas. It's it's one hundred percent positive. So do you worry about are you vain? I've never really thought, yeah, you're not vain.

We're it's actually interestingly, you're the same. You don't care.

I really know.

Wow, clearly remember today when you showed up from your pajamas. But you know what, I love you roll up the thirty Rock in your slippers. There's like eight thousand boparazzi outside and you're just rolling hot, you know what? And it's it's everything you post.

You don't care, because let's pretend I do. What's happening, what's gonna happen? What happens? I look the best them? Am I getting a prize? Am I getting another cookie? I want to understand if I look perfect, what's gonna fucking happen? I don't understand if I don't look perfect, there's no bar. This is the bottom. You can't expect, like, I don't understand what is gonna happen? But why are people upset? What you're talking about? The money? Why are people upset? Why is everybody a filter? Why? But what are we doing?

We know?

Well, we don't know. I don't know. But you look like a clown and you look perfect. I acknowledge it. What do we do now? What happens next? You're perfect? I don't get it. Just tell me you're smart. I want to know what happens if I walk in today, it look perfect? Do I get you? Guys gonna pay me to come next time? What's gonna happen?

We'll never pay you people like me?

I don't know, So I don't know.

My God, that makes me laugh. It is so true.

So that's the only thing. I'm a path at least resistance kind of gal.

I think it's funny, but you always know, Like I there was I was somewhere out and my caller was flipped in, which is I can't even believe it was even you know, functioning, but there was on It.

Was like your call your caller. I was like, what what what happened your caller? It's flipped backwards?

I was, but but it does show you that I think there is something about how you present yourself that people think matters.

I don't.

I but you really care that you care, you care, like and you do care. Yeah, if I make an effort, I'd like the painting to come out nice, because that often happens too for me. Like I'll do make an effort and then something's wrong, and I'm like, I came all this way. I have a I do have a struggle with all that because I was when I used to live on sixty Secondary and I wasn't known. I used to go to Starbucks in my cow pajamas because and like pimple medicine, I don't none of us people know who cares?

I care?

And yeah, because I didn't understand what's the difference. I'm a person, I have pajamas and I want coffee. These are things are happening at the same time. Why I get dressed up with the eyelashes on to go to Star Wars I don't understand. I've never understood.

So that's so we're both not vain. That's good.

So we're both not van and No, but where are you with age? Because age is a different thing that we think about with health and being there for your kids, and that's anxiety. You must have that anxiety.

I do have it sometimes. But my dad died when he was fifty four, fifty four, fifty five. His birthday, in fact, was May twenty ninth. It just passed and so he passed away.

Then.

Now I always think that the foundation he laid down was good for me.

It helped me in my life. And sometimes I do the math.

I look at my mom, who's eighty six, and I think to myself, Okay, what's the difference here between me and heart thirty? It's almost okay, Okay, that's kind of good. So let's see thirty years. Okay, So I add thirty to Haley and I had thirty to Hope, and I think to myself, won't that be spectacular?

Yes?

I can do that. Wouldn't that be amazing? Like do I get to see them get married?

Maybe that would be really good. Or do I get to see them have a child, maybe.

But that would be really good.

Yeah, Like I think about it, but I don't think about it on the end of Oh no, I won't be able to yes, no, yeah, no, no, I would be delighted. If all those things were possible, and I think that that could that would be special.

And I think it happened in the shower.

I literally wrote on the glass my mom's age minus my age, and I looked at the number and I.

Was like, because that's because that's literal.

If you get what if you get that that many years, Yeah, that's that's more than I got with my dad.

I think about that too. I do think in the bath of Brinn and I'm like, don't want her to know how to add. I mean, she's in she I think she knows how she's thirteen. I think she can add those numbers, but I hope she doesn't scramble it up.

Because she asks you about your age, and she.

She makes the connection. I watched her make the connection and then I watch her get distracted because it's anxiety for her. We're very close. It really does get so much nicer. I mean, it's it just keeps getting better. It's so beautiful. They become. People will say you're not you're not their best friend. I am. She we're best friends, and I'm also a strict indulgent parent. But yeah, we definitely definitely are really really do talk to I will say one thing, I notice that in talking to you about being present, we could be talking and she could come home and we could talk. If we're really really quiet and go out to dinner or something and there's no there are no phones above, she'll really tell me everything. It's it's very different or laying TV. It's got to be very relaxed. It's never when you want them to talk or when you're sitting down to talk because you're trying to be a proactive parent, and it really just like comes in when nothing's going on. They'll just say this made me feel really bad when this happened, or I'm having in trouble with this person. And a lot of crazy stuff does happen at school and they don't even realize it's happening. They know it, but they're stifling because they're not in touch with their emotions. So I would say the only thing that I really really have learned is that you have to really be quiet, no devices and just like allow the wine to breathe, because everything comes out.

What's your device?

Rule?

Like what do you have When it comes to.

With her, she's not she's an artist. She's not that into it. Sometimes she'll just do it if we're in the car and they'll see her. If it's after a certain bed time where feels like you're eating cheetos just to eat them. You're bringing cheetos like you're not even enjoying them anymore, just like downing the back, I'll be like, it's no off off. Yeah, but she's not.

That's not that kid.

No, she's not at tables with it, or she never was, because when she was really little, I was not about the TV. I tried. I woke up like with the toothpicks and the eyeballs and was like, oh god, I gotta be that parent. But yeah, I think it's really I do think it's toxic. It's toxic to us.

I know it's terrible. It's gross.

Yeah, we were talking about a lot of people are doing that wait till eighth or wait till ninth grade, or wait till high school to get a phone, and some people are doing the why don't we just all give the kids flip phones just so they have a way to communicate.

But they are not hard.

I'm not. I can't say that I'm good or I winning any awards at that. But she's not that into it I have. It's my own relationship.

With it that's toxic.

It.

It's like gross.

I think it's gross, and I'm gross and I want to beat myself up but I'm gross, but it just makes me. It's gross the whole thing. It changed. It's gross, all right. So the last well not the last question. I could stay with you forever, but you have to live a life is so what do you think about your work dynamic? Like do you think do you think about your age and people that are coming up underneath you? Are you do you still have that competitive thought or like, oh are they more interesting? Or do you think about that?

I weirdly, in my career, I don't. That's not been my thing. Like I was always the one who like the little engine that could, Like I was going to outwork you. I might not be as bright, or as pretty, or as smart or all those things, but I'll.

Still be here. I'll be the one.

Because when I played high school basketball, I would until the buzzer sounded.

I believed we could win.

I used to I used to cry after games because I would give every single ounce. And I'm a believer, like miracles happen.

I've watched it.

I mean, I mean, you know, I hit the foul shot when no one thought I would would do it. So I believe that I can. I can make it and I can make something happen. But the weird thing about our industry are industry is it's like, look at the women driving the buses.

Man.

Young women need someone to inspire them. I think more than ever now, there's so much going on and you can. You know, it's funny that you say that because I've found this crazy thing that we keep joking about. The TikTok think it's for baby. They're children, but they need a wacky, crazy ant. You know what I'm saying, Like you can find your place in this whole thing you're covering Afghanistan. I'm wacky, crazy ant going in pajamas, but we all have our place in society. No, you know what I'm saying. Though, If you like that, it makes you feel free and you just don't care anymore.

I don't.

And I also feel like there's a freedom that has come to me, not just professionally but personally. And I think finding your purpose and being able to say out loud things that you were scared to say out loud when you were younger and to realize, like you get one go at it, man, it's gonna be when you said you're in the box, like you get one ride around the sun?

Like do you? I agree? And I feel like.

It's time to be purposeful also, and you know, in the charity part of life and in the party, I get a bit which I'm going to come back and share it with you.

I know we're not going to talk about it now. But the last thing is will you do you care? How do I say this properly? Do you? Is it important to you to be in a relationship with a man now?

Like is it?

Is it just if it happens it's additive or do you proactively put it out there because you want it in the universe or not right now?

Sometimes I have a vision which is and I picture this road that I'm on and it's lush and beautiful and it's filled with like streams and mountains and pretty everything.

You know.

It's like you know, like sometimes you're on a craggy road with potholes and it's kind of dusty, and you're like, I don't want to go down this way. I want to go back and when you're on the right road, you feel it. You're like, oh, this is good. I picture my kids and sometimes I have a vision of a man walking with us, like and I kind of like the other day I saw it and was clear, and this was the road that I imagine my life, Like you know, when you're living your life right, this is your road.

Like I'm on it right now.

I know I'm on the road, and sometimes I can see it and sometimes I can't. But I'm you know, well, like have I gone on on a couple of days, sure, but you're I'm open, of course, because look, your heart's ability to expand is beyond measure and why limit it because that one was this one or that didn't work. It doesn't like your I just feel like there's so much in there. It is, it's immeasurable. You could have another kid, you could have another puppy, you could have another I like, there's room for more.

So I do keep it open, and you're allowing for either like either as either as interesting. I love it.

I love you, I love you, Love you. Bethany

Just B with Bethenny Frankel

If you can’t handle the truth you can’t handle this podcast. Just B with Bethenny Frankel is the bes 
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