Josh's News

Yeah, bitch, MAGNETS! Being TOO good at your job. DY-NO-MITE! 

Trying to impress the kids. Handgun at the lemonade stand. A library is missing their masturbator. 

HE STOLE YOUR CAR! SUV Mayhem. Check your gas leak. 

STDs at the drive-thru. Worst speeding ticket excuse ever. Old people drag racing. 

Go-kart anger. Keeping it all down until it explodes. Hot grease....TO THE FACE! 

Don't throw a trash can, brah. Ice cream feud. Pastry current events. 

Going full Koo-Aid Man on a house. We hit 100 buildings a day with our cars. Hearing your name on the radio. 

Gluing doors shut is a bad idea. Fornicating in your work vehicle. Solving problems without biting. 

Shot an Audi with bad aim. We got aliens! We got a bigger boat. 

Covered in blood at the chicken joint. Ketchup cures diarrhea. Pitter patter. 

I swam my way into this mess, and I'll swim my way out. 55 police calls. Animal shows gone wrong. 

Good ol' fashioned Nick and Josh beat-off. Low-level carjackers. Video game vindication. 

Giving your life savings to Liam Neeson. Penis cream company. Spiderman mask on a moped.

Beach disasters. A guy pulled a Cheddar Bob at Wal-Mart. Parasites living large. 

Laptop smoking. Getting fired AKA "separating employment." There are people who actually do reheat fish at the office. 

Big difference between the gas pedal and the brake pedal. Drone chases. Drive-thru duel. 

Human on horse violence. Kids gotta move out. Pesky kids wielding a samurai sword. 

Stuck between the walls. Always with the balls. Don't fake the funk. 

Don't drink and drive, kids. Don't bring Jesus into an argument. Ride off on my bicycle. 

Take it out to the parking lot. Not being able to tell if you're in Bloomington and Rochester. 

Band meeting turns violent. Kids are getting high. How to turn any salad into a caesar salad. 

Cubic Zirconia. Cutting your own hair. Don't skip your bible verses. 

Gym locker room creeper. Dutch runs the house. Shooting at the Water Plane. 

Jacking at the mall. Fake break-ins on TikTok. Everyone is on something. 

Breaking into school. Porno clown. Pressure at the art fair. 

Cocaine in the classroom. Blow into the tube to start the car. Taking too long in the daycare bathroom. 

Never take candy from a stranger. Late fee for a prostitute. Eat my Gushers. 

Leaving your gun in the bathroom. Exposed at the drive-thru. Cranking it in the hotel hallway.  

Running over a kid on an e-bike. Shaking your fist at the young people. Scary teenagers. 

Chasing you with a drill. Screwdriver to the skull. I am God. 

Being woken up by dynamite. Cane violence. Stay off my lawn. 

Manifestos are typically a red flag. 2nd grade teacher overreacted. Getting the babies off the street. 

Exposed genitality. Bringing your anger to work. All-D. 

New Orleans is iffy. Poisoning your coworkers. Everyone is wasted.

Save the beagles! Out of respect. Grandma creampie. 

Setting your roommate on fire. The war on drugs got gross. Toddler and a bottle. 

Mummies, mommys and Minnesotans. Pilots meowing. Scream impersonator. 

They don't catch the smart ones. What does an ankle monitor do? Sound the sirens. 

Pokemon has gotten out of control. Crazy guy at the door. Hold my beer. 

Swiping on dating jobs while working. Dragging the wife behind the pickup. Drugs in bibles. 

Homemade pipe bombs. "Sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race." Keep it in your pants. 

Setting your workplace on fire for a raise. Everything is awful. Faces of Death. 

There's no internet in Wilmer. Stomach farts. Kayak as your getaway car. 

Naked grocery store beatdown. April Fools prank gone wrong. Pretending to be a cop. 

Nobody wants to get stabbed at the gym. Driving INTO the bar. Have a drink. 

You're a cone. Drinking on the lunch break. Your mother's tongue. 

Josh needs a hug. The teens are mobilizing. Keep it in your pants. 

Stop leaving your kids in cars. Impersonating an officer. Spiking a state cop.  

Spiders the size of your hand. The bugs are coming for your EYES. Paying for a handy. 

Cranking hog behind the wheel. Shaking hands with the milkman. Robo-puns.