Not even the dog-walkers are safe from random acts of violence these days. Some guy is whizzing all over the place in Pasadena. A high-speed chase of...3mph. 

A principal didn't behave himself very well at a school dance. A kid got locked in an Amazon locker. A car went somewhere it wasn't supposed to go in Lake Minnetonka. 

There was a real-life incident that was comparable to the movie Speed. A drunk woman managed to drive her car onto a runway....twice. A guy tried to cheat the HOV lane. 

A monster truck driver went rogue. A naked guy at the gas station. A guy slipped his cuffs and went on a cop car joyride. 

A weatherman became a hero down in the hurricane. Monkeys are back in the news. Pennywise is roaming around your town. 

Everyone is pulling out their dongs in public. Some all-time stubbornness on display in Florida for the Hurricane. 

Someone stole some really expensive candles. MRI machine gobbled up a cop's gun. Some people got a little angry on the golf course. 

People really aren't handling rejection well in 2024. A cop got a DUI in a damn minivan. A guy pulled the ol' Cheddar Bob and shot himself in the leg. 

Wait until you hear about a very random music feud. Ashley takes a weird stance on butterflies. We got BUGs in the LIBRARY! 

Demons don't eat noodles. A fire chief crashed into a fire hydrant. Someone stole a bucket truck with someone in the bucket. 

A show member up and left the studio during a segment. Firefighters had to rescue a damn MONKEY. A Minnesota city is getting license plate readers. 

I've had it with these bloody ears on this bloody plane. A chicken costume sting operation. A weed shop was set up right across the street from a cop shop. 

A teacher accidentally gave a lesson on whacking off. A kid literally got stuck between a rock and a hard place. Cops be bangin'. 

There's a sheriff out there that is...PISSED! An 8-year old made a solo Target run in the car. A purse was stolen at a police convention about theft. 

Don't cry over spilled cocaine at an elementary school. Smuggling weed into prison in your bra. 

Some dude is out there whacking around the neighborhood. More idiots are trying to become famous on social media. Bakery attacks! 

A dude stole a car because there was a bag of Fritos inside. A 19-year old mayor got himself wasted. Urine scented candles. 

Dudes are hiding in attics. A giant fire started during a fire prevention demonstration. Don't leave your gun in the bathroom. 

A teacher got busted for getting frisky with the school mascot. There was some ATM FRAUD that went viral. A woman survives 12-days in the wilderness. 

Something did not go according to plan at the Ren Fest in a hilarious way. A drunk driver managed to hit...another drunk driver. Chaos in the Tim Hortons drive-thru. 

We have an update on the infamous Kentucky Porch Pooper. A guy decided to up and light his ex's house on fire. A guy punched another guy for COMPLIMENTING his car. 

A 21-year old naked guy beat up his undies. Apparently you aren't allowed to openly sell meth in a Florida strip mall. You can't even trust the electrician these days. 

It seems like everyone is pooping in places they shouldn't be pooping. A guy pulled out his own balls at the bowling alley. A mayor down in Florida sure loves her booze. 

Teachers aren't allowed to put students in headlocks. Naked and bloodied adults don't belong at daycare. Sunbathe humping. 

There's chaos down in the Florida Keys. A one-star Uber review results in violence. Non-stop opera music at a gas station. 

Self-defense store got robbed. New Mexico woman played real-life bumper cars. Guy kidnapped an Uber driver and made them drive to Florida. 

40-year old punk frontman goes on a California rampage. A Florida woman showed up naked to a kids birthday party. Dude had a pair of scissors in his head. 

Gonna be a hot one at the State Fair. Drugs got blamed on ghosts. Some unexpected 100-year old mail showed up in Wales. 

Mom effed around trying to help her daughter in a brawl...and she found out. Another woman decided to brawl with some firefighters. Attacks...with ACID!

There was some mascot mayhem at a school. A naked guy with a chihuahua. Drunken carjack rampage in St Cloud. 

Milk jugs caused a mall evacuation. Cats are having a really tough time lately. Guys take their pull tabs a little too seriously. 

When couples therapy goes wrong. There's a very famous movie house up for sale. How NOT to handle a breakup. 

Nightmare neighbor over there in England. A guy got caught sneaking onto flights in a very obvious way. RIP to a TV legend. 

A guy hit a cop car while eating wings behind the wheel. Locker room creepers. There was a beat-em-up at In-and-Out. 

The most badass 8-year old you'll ever meet. Some dumb kids tried and failed to blow up a barber shop. Banned High 5s. 

A woman rammed her car into a taco restaurant. A guy in Seattle decided to chuck a fish tank on the highway. 240 signs got stolen by a politician 

There was a naked carjacker down in Iowa. A guy made some toilet bombs. A flight got cancelled...because the pilot was led off in handcuffs. 

Don't bring a knife to a swordfight. A tiger fought a bird at the zoo, can you guess who won? Armed robbery at a strip club. 

A spaghetti dinner turns violent. A guy took a tortilla to the face on his birthday. A dude decided to bring a hatchet to the arcade. 

A shirtless man tried breastfeeding a random baby. Public masturbation is on the rise. A guy got busted for licking hair at the mall. 

A chiropractor was caught with a camera in his bathroom, a crooked cop stealing from motorists, and a carjacking at King Of Diamonds.  

Bikinis have caused outrage in Australia and some residents don't want any more G-String bikini bottoms! It's also the 17th anniversary of the 35W bridge collapse. 

A guy tried to rob a bank through a drive-thru. A woman who got banned from Wal-Mart went back to Wal-Mart. Where the hell is Sean Paul?!? 

A brilliant criminal had a bag of drugs that was labeled as "Bag of Drugs." Three inmates have been mistakenly released from the same jail in the last few months. Chipotle manager pulled a gun for a dumb reason. 

A guy fell down a well going after his cell phone. A golfer hit a helicopter with a tee shot. There were fireworks in the drinking fountain in Duluth. 

Everybody seems to be falling asleep at the wheel. A kid in a Spiderman suit got arrested for climbing on cars. We continue to see the dumbest criminals alive lately. 

There sure are a lot of pervs in the news these days. You shouldn't post videos of you making drugs on social media. There's a graphic calculator theft ring.

A woman had a total meltdown over a single chicken strip. Van sneakers got a guy busted for starting wildfires. 

An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile tipped over on the highway. Pop cans are exploding on highways. There are abandoned jet skis in downtown Philly. 

A test drive of a motorcycle gone wrong. Computers screwed up everything over the weekend. A dude found himself trapped inside a building.