National CB Day.  Dude broke in and did her chores for her. Chad Daniels is a funny funny man.

Polar Bear for every child. So I guess we're hoarding TP again *facepalm*.  A fake at 8 for all the farmers. 

Who needs goats when you have neighbors on coke?    Mustard beer sounds delish, actually.  Hump day news brings the crazy. 

Marcy doesn't understand why her man watches porn while he wacks it.  Corey Taylor has Dave Grohl's back.  Feet people are so frickin' weird man. 

Meth Moose sounds absolutely terrifying.  Soooo many celeb deaths this weekend. Sounds like a gay ski trip to me.  

Tip fatigue is real, yo.  To tuck er no?  How much of my money do you need Jeff Bezos?  

Shrimp and pancakes is the white people version of chicken and waffles.   Pizza Pthursday has us all hot n ready.  More like a jukebox zero. 

Danger will do anything to keep his job.  We could talk one hit wonders all morning.  Possibly my favorite fake of all time.  

Jessica is worried about her floppy front butt.   Goodbye, Kmart!  She blew her arms clean off. 

If you want me to leave just tell me!!!  What is reverse irony? Nobody knows.

Hairy buffalo came from Minnesota, not Ohio??? Take your light bright and go home. Celeb hall passes.  

Is the limo dead?  International talk like a pirate day.  Pizza Pthursday.

Howcome we never get invited to a freak off?  Paoli be cray.  Furburger didn't make the list. 

Bridgette can't figure out how to get hit on.  Stop letting your animals just roam around everywhere!  Cat Chat has a remix that's lit!  

Dude stole the kids entire lemonade stand. We really like to swear. Jack from Dead Poet Society is our new BFF. 

They fed the bear cub taco bell ffs.   Get a cow hug.  When are you getting laid? 

Stop bitching about people's Halloween decorations!   Dancing with the stars cast is YUGE.  What's with the California Psychics? 

Turns out we don't know dick about Australia.  National wildlife day is cray.  The nudists were murdered over a tree! 

Joey Chesnut and all them damn hot dogs.  A Louisville serial pooper. Ranch chugger. 

PHIL!!! We love Phil sooooo much! 

Gatorwine FTW.  What a crappy purchase.  Poor friggin' Denise. 

Queef Free Since 2011.  Do not get on that ride, bro.  How hard do we work? Not very. 

Nothing weird about a grown ass man meeting one on one with high schoolers in the bathroom at a Denny's.  I like an ice cold busch latte at the laundromat at 10pm on a hot summer night.  To bidet er no.

Feed that bitches arm to the tigers.   Make a dead bitch pay!   Here's a cover nobody asked for. 

I haven't started sucking yet.   There's only one ferry here.   How much to insure my horse... wiener?  

Tits out against Ticketmaster.   National Radio Day.  Finger in your butt. 

You're an adult, have ice cream for dinner.  How to get out of a sinking car.  Sorry sir, I forgot where I put your skull. 

Everyone's Social Security number was stolen.  Pitch Forks on Parade.  Trixie is in with the Pick 6 Craft Beer Review.  

Pop up goldfish tank.   Touch o machete.  No sex for six months? Well then you're buying my house bro.  

Madeline is crushin on her dasher.  F U PSL.  Applebees 4 life bro!  

National Vinyl Record Day is really making Danger dig into the memory banks!  Dave Mathews poop dumpiversary.    Let's bring back some old skewl insults.  

Your bank will never facetime you and ask you to get naked.  Pizza Pthursday has an angry bride and poophole loophole.  Olympic craziness.  

Tesla bros are weird.  Window washers need to make more money.  My topless auctioneer career begins today. 

Michelle's BF sends bday cards to his exes.  Bag of drugs is bag of drugs.  Dude almost got shot for not taking out the trash. 

Either Gojira controls the weather or I had good weed.  She didn't have it her way. Chicken wing day.  

Camper Kenny and Fugitive Jerf updates....what's with these chuckleheads.  Boneless wings are just nuggets, and we'll die on this hill, together, with saucy fingers. 

Shady things in the fifth wheel camper.  Billy Ray Cyrus sounds like absolute shite.  Chili dog day.  

Whales are attacking,  sharks are on cocaine and Yellowstone is exploding.  That bitches nip fell off.  Tequila talk.  

Donna isn't listening to a damn thing we say on the Sex Fix.  Remember pens with the clock on em? Like, why?   Marty McCoy from the Lonely Ones checks in and shares his new song The Bottom with us! 

Teenie Weenies r the new TP.   Why are dudes into Danger so much lately?  The EAA is gonna get us all.  

Finally, the airport employees get to freak out.  You can't get punchy over pizza.  The F35s have been busy this week. 

Brit brit vs The Osbournes.    Run from the crazy broad!  Last thing I'm gonna hear before I die is 'your stock portfolio is down 30%" I just know it. 

National hot dog day.  Ingrid was drunk and I'm so Fergilicious.  What should I get on my knucks?

The granny porn search isn't what you think it is. Fergie hands the crown over.  Don't panic when there's a knock on the bathroom door.

Mac N Cheese meeting.  RIP Richard Simmons.  What's the devil's shot glass? 

DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS???? YUP! 

Dude was naked in the lazy river.  Hot dog eating scandal.  Trixie's in with the pick 6 craft beer review. 

The Hawk Tuah girl is making $30k to host a party. The butt luge has returned.  The Everyone's tired, go to work, pussy. 

Unsanctioned fireworks? NO WAY!  Keeping it real when it comes to Midwest Nice.  Naked car shows are a thing and we are all about it. 

Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest goes all Stand By Me.   Why does it always come back to sharks?   Danny Trejo will kick your dumb ass.