Just hop on a cruise already bro!!!  Family drama at Turkey day.  Audrey Marie Schnieder doesn't give a single eff!!! 

Lance has mice probs.   Keep your carp face away from me!  World Toilet Day!!!

It's called a carrot ffs.  Your Australian accent makes you seem funnier than you really are.  Totes Charcrutes. 

That was no bear.  Plastic is the devil.  This bitch freeze dried her cat.

Dude was dead in the tanning bed for 3 days.  National PIckle Day has everyone goin' nuts!  Danger watches a baby being born on air and it's awesome.  

You're sitting on the toilet too long, bro.  Kum n Go dun went.  Free range parenting gone wrong. 

A Touch of Machete.  Are we just over the holidays?  Johnny's fish died and all hell has broke loose.  

Watertown drama!!!  I'm not here to kink shame, but some of y'all are weird.  Gen Z is scared to poop at work.  

Outbreak monkeys!!! Why is there pistachio salad on my head?  Michael Yo is one cool mofo.  

That's an impressive cock. Pizza Pthursday.  Stix Zadinia of Steel Panther. 

Kevin Bozeman joins us for ultimate stupidity.  Don't you dare shame my sleeveless shirts.   We all know a Tim.  All chocolate and no peanut butter.   

Launch these balls out your mouth.  National Donut Day.  Fresha You Betcha! 

Brian from Badger Honor Flight tells an AWESOME story about playing soccer with Iron Maiden. Sore Tit Gary strikes again.  Drink the tears of your enemies frfr. 

Oh my goodness, bro!   Croc wearing nazi killers.   National Sammich Day.  

What's our favorite thing about Halloween?  That dude visited every Pizza Ranch and didn't crap his pants.  That's not the filet of fish I ordered. 

Under ground hot dog connection.   National candy corn day.  Rearburger nightmare.  

Happy Fall Y'all er no?  It's a fanny pack not a belt bag!!!   That bitch hurt herself on ice cream.

Hot Pocket attack.  House of 190 corpses.  Dude bit off a fingertip.   

We've found the bad onions.   Turns out weed pizza isn't always a good thing.  Anyone can drive those and that's wild. 

So this is how we get snakes on a plane.  Pizza pthursday has cocaine jokes.  That drunk dude almost got obliterated by the Secret Service. 

That broad knows how to set a goal.  Crocs and fanny packs makin' it rain the poontang. Stuck in a tight spot. 

National nut day.  Darryl has an alien Darryl that he channels and it's effed.  Alien fake at 8.  

I can't even eat a jelly roll anymore.  I smell a big ol lawsuit for kickin' that lady off the plane.  Nobody wants Danger's organs.

We'll find a joke somewhere in here.  La chancla!!! Keepin' it real with John Danger.

Ignorance is bliss until you're crappin' your pants.  Nazi Free dining isn't a thing here.  One of my favorite Pizza Phtursday stories ever. 

Can AI please punch you in the face?   When ottomans attack.   The biggest douche sheriff of them all!  

National Cheese Curd day.  Dude's don't even realize she has 2 vaginas cuz they aren't paying attention lol.    That's a kkkandle. 

Haters gonna hate and it feels soooo good.   My damn Dominos stock went down again.  You can't just put the kids to sleep at school.

Dude, those pants do sound pretty cool.  10 year old kid is an asshole.  Attack of 100 effing raccoons.  

You need time to be a slut, don't get married too young!  So many drunk drivers, so few songs about them.  Wood chippers are dangerous and people are stupid, it's an awful combination. 

Can I put the dude back into the wrecked car?  You can't just tap Ray Jay in. Not everything is PTSD.  

National CB Day.  Dude broke in and did her chores for her. Chad Daniels is a funny funny man.

Polar Bear for every child. So I guess we're hoarding TP again *facepalm*.  A fake at 8 for all the farmers. 

Who needs goats when you have neighbors on coke?    Mustard beer sounds delish, actually.  Hump day news brings the crazy. 

Marcy doesn't understand why her man watches porn while he wacks it.  Corey Taylor has Dave Grohl's back.  Feet people are so frickin' weird man. 

Meth Moose sounds absolutely terrifying.  Soooo many celeb deaths this weekend. Sounds like a gay ski trip to me.  

Tip fatigue is real, yo.  To tuck er no?  How much of my money do you need Jeff Bezos?  

Shrimp and pancakes is the white people version of chicken and waffles.   Pizza Pthursday has us all hot n ready.  More like a jukebox zero. 

Danger will do anything to keep his job.  We could talk one hit wonders all morning.  Possibly my favorite fake of all time.  

Jessica is worried about her floppy front butt.   Goodbye, Kmart!  She blew her arms clean off. 

If you want me to leave just tell me!!!  What is reverse irony? Nobody knows.

Hairy buffalo came from Minnesota, not Ohio??? Take your light bright and go home. Celeb hall passes.  

Is the limo dead?  International talk like a pirate day.  Pizza Pthursday.

Howcome we never get invited to a freak off?  Paoli be cray.  Furburger didn't make the list. 

Bridgette can't figure out how to get hit on.  Stop letting your animals just roam around everywhere!  Cat Chat has a remix that's lit!  

Dude stole the kids entire lemonade stand. We really like to swear. Jack from Dead Poet Society is our new BFF. 

They fed the bear cub taco bell ffs.   Get a cow hug.  When are you getting laid? 

Stop bitching about people's Halloween decorations!   Dancing with the stars cast is YUGE.  What's with the California Psychics? 

Turns out we don't know dick about Australia.  National wildlife day is cray.  The nudists were murdered over a tree! 

Joey Chesnut and all them damn hot dogs.  A Louisville serial pooper. Ranch chugger.