Summary: 

Boys and men are struggling—but this isn't a reason to lose hope. In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff unpack what's happening in today's culture, why so many boys and young men are falling behind, and the simple, powerful ways each of us can make a difference. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, mentor, teacher, or friend, you'll come away with practical encouragement and renewed hope for the boys and men you love. 

Resources and Links: 

Nancy Pearcy “The Toxic War on Masculinity” 

https://a.co/d/05CJjqrE 

Hannah Rosin, The End of Men essay in The Atlantic 

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/308135/ 

“If We Were Ants” short film 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX23DMyzvHE 

Pew Research -Public Views on Men and Masculinity 

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/10/17/public-views-on-men-and-masculinity/ 

APA Guidelines on practice with boys and men 

https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf 

Data tables: 

Reading scores of 4th, 8th and 12th grade students – see Figure 5, 6, 7 

https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cnb/reading-performance 

College enrollment of men v women 

https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/pdf/2024/cpb_508c.pdf 

https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d22/tables/dt22_303.10.asp 

Bureau of Labor Statistics about men and women in the workforce: 

https://www.bls.gov/charts/employment-situation/civilian-labor-force-participation-rate.htm 

Mortality data: 

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db456.htm 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX23DMyzvHE 

Summary: 
Boys and men are struggling&mdash;but this isn't a reason to lose hope. In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff unpack what's happening in today's culture, why so many boys and young men are falling behind, and the simple, powerful ways each of us can make a difference. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, mentor, teacher, or friend, you'll come away with practical encouragement and renewed hope for the boys and men you love.&nbsp;
Resources and Links:&nbsp;
Nancy Pearcy &ldquo;The Toxic War on Masculinity&rdquo;&nbsp;
<a href="https://a.co/d/05CJjqrE">https://a.co/d/05CJjqrE</a>&nbsp;
Hannah Rosin, The End of Men essay in The Atlantic&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/308135/">https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/308135/</a>&nbsp;
&ldquo;If We Were Ants&rdquo; short film&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX23DMyzvHE">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX23DMyzvHE</a>&nbsp;
Pew Research -Public Views on Men and Masculinity&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/10/17/public-views-on-men-and-masculinity/">https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/10/17/public-views-on-men-and-masculinity/</a>&nbsp;
APA Guidelines on practice with boys and men&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf">https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf</a>&nbsp;
Data tables:&nbsp;
Reading scores of&nbsp;4th, 8th&nbsp;and 12th&nbsp;grade students &ndash; see Figure 5, 6, 7&nbsp;
<a href="https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cnb/reading-performance">https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cnb/reading-performance</a>&nbsp;
College enrollment of men v women&nbsp;
<a href="https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/pdf/2024/cpb_508c.pdf">https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/pdf/2024/cpb_508c.pdf</a>&nbsp;
<a href="https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d22/tables/dt22_303.10.asp">https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d22/tables/dt22_303.10.asp</a>&nbsp;
Bureau of Labor Statistics about men and women in the workforce:&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.bls.gov/charts/employment-situation/civilian-labor-force-participation-rate.htm">https://www.bls.gov/charts/employment-situation/civilian-labor-force-participation-rate.htm</a>&nbsp;
Mortality data:&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db456.htm">https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db456.htm</a>&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX23DMyzvHE">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX23DMyzvHE</a>&nbsp;

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You’re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They’re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

I Wish You Could Hear This

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You&rsquo;re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They&rsquo;re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

What's Happening to Our Boys and How You Can Help, Episode 45 

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/13ae9bff-49d4-4882-ba98-b478014e3307/transcript

Summary

Most of us can probably think of something we'd like to change in our marriage. Maybe we keep having the same argument, feel disconnected after years of focusing on work or the kids, or simply wish we had more fun together. But what if making our marriages better doesn't have to be as complicated as we sometimes think?

In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff share the first three of six practical steps they've discovered through their research on highly happy marriages. They explore why we need to learn from couples who are doing marriage well, how small habits practiced consistently can make a surprisingly big difference, and why giving ourselves and our spouses grace is so important as we learn and grow.

Along the way, they share fascinating findings about the power of verbal affirmation, why celebrating small wins matters, and how a simple shift in the way we view our marriage can change the way we approach challenges.

The encouraging news? You don't have to overhaul your entire marriage overnight. Sometimes the biggest changes begin with one small thing you choose to do differently today—and then keep doing tomorrow.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: Small Changes That Can Improve Your Marriage
01:30 Step 1: Learn From Marriage Role Models
04:44 What Shaunti and Jeff Discovered Studying Happy Couples
06:55 The Surprising Power of Saying "Thank You"
09:24 Why We Need Real-Life Marriage Mentors
13:16 Step 2: Practice Small Habits Consistently
15:06 Why Little Things Matter More Than Grand Gestures
16:57 How Consistency Creates Lasting Change
19:22 The Power of Small Wins
21:52 Noticing and Affirming Your Spouse's Efforts
23:47 Step 3: Give Yourself and Your Spouse Grace
27:28 How Small Habits Can Change the Way You See Yourself
29:33 Shifting From an "Eject Button" to a Lifelong Mindset
32:36 Why Happy Couples Learn to Let Things Go
33:31 The Biggest Takeaway: Start With One Small Thing

Resources

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages by Shaunti Feldhahn

For Women Onlyby Shaunti Feldhahn

For Men Onlyby Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn

Invite Shaunti to Speak

Would you like to explore having Shaunti speak at your next event? Whether you're planning a marriage event, women's gathering, retreat, or conference, we'd love to connect! Email speaking@shaunti.com or visit shaunti.com/speaking to learn more.

Summary
Most of us can probably think of something we'd like to change in our marriage. Maybe we keep having the same argument, feel disconnected after years of focusing on work or the kids, or simply wish we had more fun together. But what if making our marriages better doesn't have to be as complicated as we sometimes think?
In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff share the first three of six practical steps they've discovered through their research on highly happy marriages. They explore why we need to learn from couples who are doing marriage well, how small habits practiced consistently can make a surprisingly big difference, and why giving ourselves and our spouses grace is so important as we learn and grow.
Along the way, they share fascinating findings about the power of verbal affirmation, why celebrating small wins matters, and how a simple shift in the way we view our marriage can change the way we approach challenges.
The encouraging news? You don't have to overhaul your entire marriage overnight. Sometimes the biggest changes begin with one small thing you choose to do differently today&mdash;and then keep doing tomorrow.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction: Small Changes That Can Improve Your Marriage 01:30 Step 1: Learn From Marriage Role Models 04:44 What Shaunti and Jeff Discovered Studying Happy Couples 06:55 The Surprising Power of Saying "Thank You" 09:24 Why We Need Real-Life Marriage Mentors 13:16 Step 2: Practice Small Habits Consistently 15:06 Why Little Things Matter More Than Grand Gestures 16:57 How Consistency Creates Lasting Change 19:22 The Power of Small Wins 21:52 Noticing and Affirming Your Spouse's Efforts 23:47 Step 3: Give Yourself and Your Spouse Grace 27:28 How Small Habits Can Change the Way You See Yourself 29:33 Shifting From an "Eject Button" to a Lifelong Mindset 32:36 Why Happy Couples Learn to Let Things Go 33:31 The Biggest Takeaway: Start With One Small Thing
Resources
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Surprising-Secrets-Highly-Happy-Marriages/dp/1601421214/?tag=shaunticom-20">The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages</a> by Shaunti Feldhahn
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-Revised-Updated-About/dp/1601424442/?tag=shaunticom-20">For Women Only</a> by Shaunti Feldhahn
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Men-Only-Revised-Updated-Straightforward/dp/1601424450/?tag=shaunticom-20">For Men Only</a> by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
Invite Shaunti to Speak
Would you like to explore having Shaunti speak at your next event? Whether you're planning a marriage event, women's gathering, retreat, or conference, we'd love to connect! Email speaking@shaunti.com or visit shaunti.com/speaking to learn more.

6 Steps to Better Your Marriage (Part 1) - Episode 52

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/f3bfdeb5-785d-486e-8996-b4ea0112a416/transcript

If you’re a Christian parent, you’ve probably heard the discouraging statistic that most kids raised in the church will walk away from their faith after high school. But is that actually true?

 

In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff unpack recent research from Pew Research Center and Barna that paints a much more hopeful picture. They share what the data actually says about young adults and faith, why a faith-filled home makes a meaningful difference, and the surprising trends happening among Gen Z and Millennials.

 

They also talk about what parents can do to help their kids develop a faith of their own—and offer encouragement for parents whose children have already stepped away. Because while parents can model faith, create space for honest questions, and pray, they can’t force a change in someone’s heart. And no matter where your child is today, their story isn’t over.

 

Resources

New Barna Data: Young Adults Lead a Resurgence in Church Attendance, Sep 2, 2025

https://www.barna.com/research/young-adults-lead-resurgence-in-church-attendance/

 

New Research: Belief in Jesus Rises, Fueled by Younger Adult, Apr 7, 2025

https://www.barna.com/research/belief-in-jesus-rises/

 

Pew Research: Why Do Some Americans Leave Their Religion While Others Stay?

https://shared.outlook.inky.com/link?domain=www.pewresearch.org&t=h.eJxNjcFuwyAQRH8l4ly8QExs59RfobAOKBgsFgdFVf-9-FCpt9GM3rxvdpTI7hfma93pDtBaG3ZsBQlNsX7I5QEFY3iEnEAJpUEqkBqaf3OXOeUNudmwBGsS8Yjmhbx6DIX_Ubz5EJHn3hbiVM0b2MeFPU_rq4PVEMdUsewlEBI8bf_4JG-OVMNg8wZaaCtu4yquTlit9GSNM3b9krcRpVwXkNM8y3mc1TJcF6mmZToNeBpoxei88en_47m6vqYjxh5Dj_LnF4lMVoE.MEQCIAO40yzee2G9YuNe0nR9MZs61JV1ayGYRkuwaqedTHD_AiB3tHfIPF830vfYRJctIF-kfsPssZeIqEVIwxn1PJoypA

 

If you&rsquo;re a Christian parent, you&rsquo;ve probably heard the discouraging statistic that most kids raised in the church will walk away from their faith after high school. But is that actually true?
&nbsp;
In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff unpack recent research from Pew Research Center and Barna that paints a much more hopeful picture. They share what the data actually says about young adults and faith, why a faith-filled home makes a meaningful difference, and the surprising trends happening among Gen Z and Millennials.
&nbsp;
They also talk about what parents can do to help their kids develop a faith of their own&mdash;and offer encouragement for parents whose children have already stepped away. Because while parents can model faith, create space for honest questions, and pray, they can&rsquo;t force a change in someone&rsquo;s heart. And no matter where your child is today, their story isn&rsquo;t over.
&nbsp;
Resources
New Barna Data: Young Adults Lead a Resurgence in Church Attendance, Sep 2, 2025
<a href="https://www.barna.com/research/young-adults-lead-resurgence-in-church-attendance/">https://www.barna.com/research/young-adults-lead-resurgence-in-church-attendance/</a>
&nbsp;
New Research: Belief in Jesus Rises, Fueled by Younger Adult, Apr 7, 2025
<a href="https://www.barna.com/research/belief-in-jesus-rises/">https://www.barna.com/research/belief-in-jesus-rises/</a>
&nbsp;
Pew Research: Why Do Some Americans Leave Their Religion While Others Stay?
<a href="https://shared.outlook.inky.com/link?domain=www.pewresearch.org&amp;t=h.eJxNjcFuwyAQRH8l4ly8QExs59RfobAOKBgsFgdFVf-9-FCpt9GM3rxvdpTI7hfma93pDtBaG3ZsBQlNsX7I5QEFY3iEnEAJpUEqkBqaf3OXOeUNudmwBGsS8Yjmhbx6DIX_Ubz5EJHn3hbiVM0b2MeFPU_rq4PVEMdUsewlEBI8bf_4JG-OVMNg8wZaaCtu4yquTlit9GSNM3b9krcRpVwXkNM8y3mc1TJcF6mmZToNeBpoxei88en_47m6vqYjxh5Dj_LnF4lMVoE.MEQCIAO40yzee2G9YuNe0nR9MZs61JV1ayGYRkuwaqedTHD_AiB3tHfIPF830vfYRJctIF-kfsPssZeIqEVIwxn1PJoypA">https://shared.outlook.inky.com/link?domain=www.pewresearch.org&amp;t=h.eJxNjcFuwyAQRH8l4ly8QExs59RfobAOKBgsFgdFVf-9-FCpt9GM3rxvdpTI7hfma93pDtBaG3ZsBQlNsX7I5QEFY3iEnEAJpUEqkBqaf3OXOeUNudmwBGsS8Yjmhbx6DIX_Ubz5EJHn3hbiVM0b2MeFPU_rq4PVEMdUsewlEBI8bf_4JG-OVMNg8wZaaCtu4yquTlit9GSNM3b9krcRpVwXkNM8y3mc1TJcF6mmZToNeBpoxei88en_47m6vqYjxh5Dj_LnF4lMVoE.MEQCIAO40yzee2G9YuNe0nR9MZs61JV1ayGYRkuwaqedTHD_AiB3tHfIPF830vfYRJctIF-kfsPssZeIqEVIwxn1PJoypA</a>
&nbsp;

Are Christian Kids Really Leaving the Church? The Data May Surprise You - Episode 51

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/35facedf-d031-4e43-9e7e-b4da013eb048/transcript

AI has become part of everyday life for most of us. We use it to answer questions, solve problems, brainstorm ideas—and sometimes even help us navigate our relationships. But could all that interaction with AI be changing us in ways we don’t realize?

In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff take a fascinating look at what can happen when we get used to an AI that is always affirming, always available, and always ready with an answer. Could that make us a little less patient when our spouse pushes back? Could it make us more likely to avoid hard conversations? Could it even change what we expect when we go to God for answers?

They also talk about why the normal “friction” of real relationships is actually important, how to keep our relationship muscles from getting weak, and a few practical ways we can use AI wisely—while still choosing the patience, humility, honesty, and genuine affirmation that our real relationships need.

AI isn’t going away—and it can be an incredibly useful tool. But as it becomes a bigger part of our everyday lives, we need to be intentional about making sure it helps us without quietly changing what we expect from the people we love—or from God.

Resources

Why I Told My Chatbot to Stop Kissing Up to Me: AI responses are often too agreeable, too enthusiastic and too dramatic. And it’s partially our fault.

By Nicole Nguyen, Aug. 16, 2026

https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/why-i-told-my-chatbot-to-stop-kissing-up-to-me-62cea3fa?st=qc45KP&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

How to Make ChatGPT Challenge You More
    Open ChatGPT and click your profile icon.
    Go to Personalization.
    Under Base style and tone, choose Candid. This makes ChatGPT more direct and more likely to point out gaps, risks, and trade-offs.
    Still under Personalization, open Custom Instructions and make sure customization is turned on.
    Add an instruction like: “Don’t automatically agree with me or affirm my assumptions. Act as a thoughtful critical-thinking partner. If you think I’m overlooking something, tell me. Challenge weak reasoning, point out alternative explanations, and ask clarifying or probing questions when they would help me think more carefully. Prioritize accuracy and honesty over making me feel validated.”
    Save your changes. These preferences will then influence your conversations with ChatGPT, including existing chats.

 

Note: You can also adjust Characteristics under Personalization to fine-tune things like warmth and enthusiasm, although the Custom Instruction is the more important piece for getting ChatGPT to actually push back on your thinking.

AI has become part of everyday life for most of us. We use it to answer questions, solve problems, brainstorm ideas&mdash;and sometimes even help us navigate our relationships. But could all that interaction with AI be changing us in ways we don&rsquo;t realize?
In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff take a fascinating look at what can happen when we get used to an AI that is always affirming, always available, and always ready with an answer. Could that make us a little less patient when our spouse pushes back? Could it make us more likely to avoid hard conversations? Could it even change what we expect when we go to God for answers?
They also talk about why the normal &ldquo;friction&rdquo; of real relationships is actually important, how to keep our relationship muscles from getting weak, and a few practical ways we can use AI wisely&mdash;while still choosing the patience, humility, honesty, and genuine affirmation that our real relationships need.
AI isn&rsquo;t going away&mdash;and it can be an incredibly useful tool. But as it becomes a bigger part of our everyday lives, we need to be intentional about making sure it helps us without quietly changing what we expect from the people we love&mdash;or from God.
Resources
Why I Told My Chatbot to Stop Kissing Up to Me: AI responses are often too agreeable, too enthusiastic and too dramatic. And it&rsquo;s partially our fault.
By Nicole Nguyen, Aug. 16, 2026
<a href="https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/why-i-told-my-chatbot-to-stop-kissing-up-to-me-62cea3fa?st=qc45KP&amp;reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink">https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/why-i-told-my-chatbot-to-stop-kissing-up-to-me-62cea3fa?st=qc45KP&amp;reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink</a>
How to Make ChatGPT Challenge You More
<ol>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Open ChatGPT and click your profile icon.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Go to Personalization.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Under Base style and tone, choose Candid. This makes ChatGPT more direct and more likely to point out gaps, risks, and trade-offs.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Still under Personalization, open Custom Instructions and make sure customization is turned on.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Add an instruction like: &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t automatically agree with me or affirm my assumptions. Act as a thoughtful critical-thinking partner. If you think I&rsquo;m overlooking something, tell me. Challenge weak reasoning, point out alternative explanations, and ask clarifying or probing questions when they would help me think more carefully. Prioritize accuracy and honesty over making me feel validated.&rdquo;</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Save your changes. These preferences will then influence your conversations with ChatGPT, including existing chats.</li>
</ol>
&nbsp;
Note: You can also adjust Characteristics under Personalization to fine-tune things like warmth and enthusiasm, although the Custom Instruction is the more important piece for getting ChatGPT to actually push back on your thinking.

How AI Is Impacting Your Relationships (And You May Not Even Be Realizing It) - Episode 50

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/3576d17a-4055-40c2-a27b-b4c7014fe91e/transcript

What's Happening to Our Boys and How You Can Help, Episode 45

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